Knights and Eros Bound

Chapter 22

After having been on the wrong side of a tongue lashing from Kam for being remiss, Anakin dutifully checked in with Schurke and Kampher on the hour. A simple mutual acknowledgement, and then an hour of time to himself.  Anakin spent most of this time over at their transport, losing himself in what for him was the simple pleasure of toying with the complex mechanics. Almost losing himself…

"And you… gifted beyond all the rest…"

Gris' words mocked him in his head.

"Yet held back at almost every turn..."

And worse, in his heart.

"You know it to be true, Anakin…"

"NO!" he screamed at the voice in his head, and he threw a hydro spanner down through the belly of the ship. The clattering seemed to clear his head a little and he sat down heavily in the pilot 's seat. Anakin ran his hands through his hair as a heavy sigh escaped his lips and almost unconsciously, touched the com at his side. He sent a quick message of reassurance to Kam, and then allowed himself a brief moment of personal indulgence.

"Padmé…" he called softly, and in his minds eye he saw her. She was sitting at a desk in her private office, buried in a mountain of data pads, but for a brief moment she stopped and turned around expectantly. The vision washed away as a look of disappointment crossed her features, and she buried herself back in her work.

Grounded once again, Anakin set back to work on the ship's mechanism. He was determined to squeak a little more control out it by afternoon's end.

Control… that was the main thing. The only thing.

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"I'm worried about Anakin, Schurke," Kampher sighed as she sat down with her third cup of tea of the day. "This can't be easy for him."

"What do you mean, 'easy for him,' Kam?" Schurke asked softly. He sat down next to her, yet oddly kept his distance. He had been this way almost the entire morning -close, but yet…

"He knows what it's like to be… in love," Kampher said quietly. Schurke squirmed visibly in his seat, and then abruptly got up.

"Anakin's due back soon," he said suddenly. Awkwardly. "I'll go see what we can make for supper."

"Schurke…" Kam called softly to him.

"There's nothing to talk about, Kam," he almost whispered. "We're Jedi and that's all there is to it."

"That's 'not all there is to it' Schurke Canaille, and you know it!" Kampher told him angrily. "Unless it was just a ploy to get me into your bed after all!"

"No!" Schurke cried out defensively. "I meant what I said Kam! Every word of it, and I want to be with you… We can't be together Kam! It's just a matter of being a simple truth!"

"The simple truth of it is, Schurke that you are so wrapped up in trying to live up to the unrealistic expectations of…"

"Don't go there, Kam," Schurke cut her off warningly. "That has nothing to do with ourselves and our desires. We are Jedi, Kam… that means no attachments, no matter how badly we may want them!"

"What about Anakin?" Kampher snapped. "You don't seem to have a problem with his 'attachment'? Why should ours be any different?"

"Do you think he's going to be able to just settle down and start a family?" Schurke almost snarled defensively. "Once the Council finds out…"

"And exactly how will they find out, Schurke?" Kampher snapped. "Are you going to tell them? Betray him in hopes of elevating yourself?"

Schurke slammed his fist on the table, speechless.

"As you have betrayed me…?" Kampher added softly.

All the color drained from Schurke's face. "Is that how you see me, Kam?" he asked, anger giving way to pain. "I swear to you, it's not like that. I would never want to hurt you, or Anakin…"

"Then what is it Schurke?" Kam pressed. "A game? Love? Which?"

 "Kam…" he replied quietly. "I'm so sorry…"

"I am too," she answered softly and she began to rise. "I need some time alone, Schurke…"

"Kam…" Schurke repeated, his eyes pleading for understanding and forgiveness. "Please…"

"I'll meet you and Anakin later tonight," she told him shortly. "We can discuss this, or not, after we see Gris. If there is anything to discuss."

Schurke reached out to touch her as she brushed past him, and Kampher  abruptly pulled away.

"No, not now, Schurke," she said sadly. "I'll take my com, and contact you or Anakin once an hour."

With that she was gone, leaving Schurke feeling more lost and alone then ever.