I can't control it
This throbbing in my head
It drives me crazy
It makes me mad
I try to control it
It can't be controlled
It's controlling me now
What am I doing?
I do not know
I don't want to do it
I don't want people dead
I didn't want those people killed
Those homes destroyed
Those hearts broken
I didn't want any of that to be
But it did…
All because of me…
The survivors…
They stared at me
I could feel that they were
I knew they feared me…
I knew that
I dreaded looking up
But I had to face the facts
I had to face the verdict
I had to look at my hands
Hands that were bloody
Not with my blood though
They had my victims' blood
Tears formed in my eyes
A man with a gun approached
I thought it was the end…
The man stopped in front of me
He raised the gun to aim
I waited for the bullet
The one that would be my end
It never came to kill me
I stared at the man in wonder
He was different than the rest
He put away his gun
Then he bent down in front of me
The next thing I knew
I never expected what he did
The man was hugging me…
I stared wide eyed in wonder
Was this man forgiving me?
I had killed so many yet he was
He had seen me kill them
He had seen me laugh
He had seen it all
But there was no going back
He picked me up right there
He slowly walked away
He smiled as he carried me
Then another came…
Another person approached us
This one looking mad
She cussed and swore and threatened
The man didn't move an inch
He just kept on walking
The woman slapped him in the face
He slowly stopped and looked at her
A tear was in his eye
"Ma'am," he said politely;
"Leave the girl be.
She's had enough of this today,
It's time for her to rest…"
With that he carried me away
Away from the destructed town…
He soon had carried me to his home
There he washed me
He smiled as he rinsed my hands
The blood all washed away
He gave me new clean clothes as well
And gave me a bed to sleep in
This man had taken me under his wing
I was forever grateful
I stayed with him for only five years
After five years he took me away
Away to a far off place
A place with white walls…
Nothing's been the same since
Now that man comes to me
He's old and weaker now
Yet to me he is like a dad
We laughed and embraced
As father and daughter we did
I was finally finished training
I could go home with him now
I looked at him expectantly
Waiting for him to say
"It's time to go home now, runt…"
Those words never came
Instead he looked at me and smiled
"Runt, you've made this old man proud
I am needed here with you now…
We won't be going home today…
I'm sorry but we can't"
As I stared in disbelief
The man started to laugh
I looked at him questioningly
He smiled as he answered
"I work here too, runt
Always have and always will
You will train with me now
We'll work and sharpen your skills
I heard you're good with guns already
It doesn't surprise me any
I'm proud you're already at that point
That point I recently got to
Both of us are Special Agents"
I smiled as I hugged him
He smiled back at me
The next thing he told me-
"Training starts at three."
This poem is to you Mac
You trained me very well
You're like a father to me
I can't help but almost call you papa
But I know that I must not
At least not in front of people…
Now you know Mac,
We are generals now
We've almost reached the top
Are you up for the challenge today?
You say you're not
I know otherwise
I know that aging hasn't changed you
You're still ready to make it with me there
I know you are and you know I am
Let's get started today!
… Mac…?
Can you hear me?
Why won't you wake up?
Your alarm's been going for hours now
Why aren't you ready for breakfast?
That was what I thought that morning
That fateful morning as I climbed the stairs
I slowly knocked on Mac's door
I turned the doorknob and opened the door
I looked upon the bed
On the bed was a note
I read it as I trembled
It said that he had gone
He was going to the Rocket Base
He was doing it alone
He wrote he might not come back
I cried as I read it
Mac signed the note unusually
He signed the note as 'Papa'…