Title: Saiyuki Characters' POV
Author: Fuuei-chan
A/N: Gensomaden Saiyuki does not belong to me!! But I wish it does. * sob * Thank
you for those who had read and reviewed my first chapter. This chapter is
going to be about Sanzo and I tell you, it is VERY HARD to write Sanzo's POV
'cause his mind is really really complex!!! Some of the ideas and lines came from
other authors' fanfic but please don't flame me!!! Also don't flame me if my
grammar is bad and if this chapter is worse than the 1st one. And don't
misunderstand the last few paragraphs!!! Sanzo and Goku have no relationship of
shounen-ai or yaoi!!! Anyway just R&R please!!! (Phew, exams are coming so
gotta study VERY VERY HARD!) and by the way, I don't know if that Vanity of
Vanities is correct or not 'cause I forgot about it.
~*~*~*~*~* Rain
Rain, another rain. I heaved out a big sigh, which sounded more like a scowl. The rain is so annoying. Flashes of memories filled my mind whenever the sky started to cry in tears of rain. A lot of people find the sound of falling rain soothing. The little pitter-patter of rain on the roof is comforting to them. It relaxes them, so they look forward to the occasional rain.
There are also some who thinks the rain is the tear of heaven. The rain to them means sorrow and loss, memories and wounds unhealed. Tears from the sky, blood on the ground, sorrow in people's hearts. just like me.
Choices. What choices did I have instead of sitting in my room and watch the rain scattering on the road? An exact copy of how I was when he died in front of me, blood spilling all over my body from head to toe. I had nothing to do but to solely take over his position and leave the temple in order to prevent any more tragedies to happen, just like his. That was my only choice.
Love is not what I want. Never love anything. Given enough time, they will all be taken away from you. How cruel. I once loved, but what did I get? I only got his death. Moreover, his death was caused by my incapability. From that day onwards, I started not to love. If you do not love anyone, be prepared not to be loved at all. That was fine with me. I do not need friends; I can be alone, just on my own.
Not even diminutive warmth struck my heart from then. My heart subsequently became as hard as rock. I was always gloomy and in a foul mood. What is the use of having emotions when you know you will lose them someday? All you will get is pain. Love, warmth, emotions, they did not contain any meanings for me at all. They are just not for my scornful heart.
Empty. Though I may be a human, but to me, I am just a ball of meat in the shape of a human. I am filled with emptiness until the end of time. What keep me going are my will to survive and myself. Neither man nor dream motivates me. I live just for myself, just in the way that I am. I will do anything just in order to live.
"Stay strong." I might be strong just to keep myself going, but actually, I am not strong at all. Life without him is so empty and I feel like that I am living in woe. Now that I am walking my life single- handedly, I had nothing to go for. I am just living, living for nothing and have nothing. The only thing that I have is what he thought me, the Vanity of Vanities: "Kill the Buddha as you see him. Kill the Father as you see him. Never be captivated by anyone and live in the life that you are."
Someone was calling me. I did not know whom, but somehow I heard someone calling me. After day and night, I could hear his voice. Whose voice is it? It looked like he was pleading for something from me. He was so aggravating; did he never learn how to give up? I was so pissed off that I wanted to give him a punch or two.
I followed the voice and reached outside a cave. There he was, the owner of that voice. I asked if it was him who called me from time to time, but he just fixed his golden orbs onto my lavender eyes. Actually I was very angry and decided to give him a punch, but that innocent and stupid look on his face stopped my action. I did not know why, but I freed him from that dungeon.
He acknowledged me as his sun, though I did not think so. He considered that I gave him a world much brighter than the sun, however it was him who shone my menacing world. I used to be alone and did not care for anyone, but he was the only one whom I could not elude and I did not know what the reason was.
Exactly what is the problem with me? After having him at my side, I sensed that I had changed. My heart started to melt day by day, and even though I hate to admit it, I feel worried whenever he is not by my side because I do not want to lose another person who is important to me. I positively do not want my heart be broken into pieces anymore.
Just because I am not strong, I need him by my side. He gives me certainty consistently when he is by my side. He became my pole for living and I cannot lose him, as I could not afford the lost of his disappearance and my heart breaking just like throwing a glass onto a rock for the second time. Gazing outside the window, to the rain, I hid an infinitesimal smile on my face as his image came into my multifarious mind.
~*~*~*~*~*
Sanzo: Oi! What kind of stupid fanfic is this!? I've never thought about those kind of
things! He's just a saru!!! My geboku only!! * blushed a little, so little that it's
microscopic *
Fuuei: Ne.ne. Sanzo don't be so shy. hehe.
Goku: Oh. So Sanzo DOES care about me after all!
Sanzo: .... SHINEEEEE ALL OF YOU!!!!!!
Fuuei: * dodges the bullets * OI!!! SANZO BAKA! DON'T GO MAD AND SHOOT
JUST COZ OF THESE THINGS!!! MINNA TASUKETE!!!
Goku: * dodges the bullets * SANZO!!! Don't. shoot. me!!! I'M INNOCENT!!! *
Sob. sob. * T_T
Hakkai: Maa. maa. calm down Sanzo.
Sanzo: URUSEI ALL OF YOU AND SHINEE!!!!!!
Fuuei: Anyway just review!!! * dodges the bullets and ran away from Sanzo fans for
calling him baka *
Author: Fuuei-chan
A/N: Gensomaden Saiyuki does not belong to me!! But I wish it does. * sob * Thank
you for those who had read and reviewed my first chapter. This chapter is
going to be about Sanzo and I tell you, it is VERY HARD to write Sanzo's POV
'cause his mind is really really complex!!! Some of the ideas and lines came from
other authors' fanfic but please don't flame me!!! Also don't flame me if my
grammar is bad and if this chapter is worse than the 1st one. And don't
misunderstand the last few paragraphs!!! Sanzo and Goku have no relationship of
shounen-ai or yaoi!!! Anyway just R&R please!!! (Phew, exams are coming so
gotta study VERY VERY HARD!) and by the way, I don't know if that Vanity of
Vanities is correct or not 'cause I forgot about it.
~*~*~*~*~* Rain
Rain, another rain. I heaved out a big sigh, which sounded more like a scowl. The rain is so annoying. Flashes of memories filled my mind whenever the sky started to cry in tears of rain. A lot of people find the sound of falling rain soothing. The little pitter-patter of rain on the roof is comforting to them. It relaxes them, so they look forward to the occasional rain.
There are also some who thinks the rain is the tear of heaven. The rain to them means sorrow and loss, memories and wounds unhealed. Tears from the sky, blood on the ground, sorrow in people's hearts. just like me.
Choices. What choices did I have instead of sitting in my room and watch the rain scattering on the road? An exact copy of how I was when he died in front of me, blood spilling all over my body from head to toe. I had nothing to do but to solely take over his position and leave the temple in order to prevent any more tragedies to happen, just like his. That was my only choice.
Love is not what I want. Never love anything. Given enough time, they will all be taken away from you. How cruel. I once loved, but what did I get? I only got his death. Moreover, his death was caused by my incapability. From that day onwards, I started not to love. If you do not love anyone, be prepared not to be loved at all. That was fine with me. I do not need friends; I can be alone, just on my own.
Not even diminutive warmth struck my heart from then. My heart subsequently became as hard as rock. I was always gloomy and in a foul mood. What is the use of having emotions when you know you will lose them someday? All you will get is pain. Love, warmth, emotions, they did not contain any meanings for me at all. They are just not for my scornful heart.
Empty. Though I may be a human, but to me, I am just a ball of meat in the shape of a human. I am filled with emptiness until the end of time. What keep me going are my will to survive and myself. Neither man nor dream motivates me. I live just for myself, just in the way that I am. I will do anything just in order to live.
"Stay strong." I might be strong just to keep myself going, but actually, I am not strong at all. Life without him is so empty and I feel like that I am living in woe. Now that I am walking my life single- handedly, I had nothing to go for. I am just living, living for nothing and have nothing. The only thing that I have is what he thought me, the Vanity of Vanities: "Kill the Buddha as you see him. Kill the Father as you see him. Never be captivated by anyone and live in the life that you are."
Someone was calling me. I did not know whom, but somehow I heard someone calling me. After day and night, I could hear his voice. Whose voice is it? It looked like he was pleading for something from me. He was so aggravating; did he never learn how to give up? I was so pissed off that I wanted to give him a punch or two.
I followed the voice and reached outside a cave. There he was, the owner of that voice. I asked if it was him who called me from time to time, but he just fixed his golden orbs onto my lavender eyes. Actually I was very angry and decided to give him a punch, but that innocent and stupid look on his face stopped my action. I did not know why, but I freed him from that dungeon.
He acknowledged me as his sun, though I did not think so. He considered that I gave him a world much brighter than the sun, however it was him who shone my menacing world. I used to be alone and did not care for anyone, but he was the only one whom I could not elude and I did not know what the reason was.
Exactly what is the problem with me? After having him at my side, I sensed that I had changed. My heart started to melt day by day, and even though I hate to admit it, I feel worried whenever he is not by my side because I do not want to lose another person who is important to me. I positively do not want my heart be broken into pieces anymore.
Just because I am not strong, I need him by my side. He gives me certainty consistently when he is by my side. He became my pole for living and I cannot lose him, as I could not afford the lost of his disappearance and my heart breaking just like throwing a glass onto a rock for the second time. Gazing outside the window, to the rain, I hid an infinitesimal smile on my face as his image came into my multifarious mind.
~*~*~*~*~*
Sanzo: Oi! What kind of stupid fanfic is this!? I've never thought about those kind of
things! He's just a saru!!! My geboku only!! * blushed a little, so little that it's
microscopic *
Fuuei: Ne.ne. Sanzo don't be so shy. hehe.
Goku: Oh. So Sanzo DOES care about me after all!
Sanzo: .... SHINEEEEE ALL OF YOU!!!!!!
Fuuei: * dodges the bullets * OI!!! SANZO BAKA! DON'T GO MAD AND SHOOT
JUST COZ OF THESE THINGS!!! MINNA TASUKETE!!!
Goku: * dodges the bullets * SANZO!!! Don't. shoot. me!!! I'M INNOCENT!!! *
Sob. sob. * T_T
Hakkai: Maa. maa. calm down Sanzo.
Sanzo: URUSEI ALL OF YOU AND SHINEE!!!!!!
Fuuei: Anyway just review!!! * dodges the bullets and ran away from Sanzo fans for
calling him baka *