Chapter Ten: Secret's Out, Fear's In

They stood staring into the open space that Cordy had been standing in a moment ago. She ran up the stairs quicker than a pregnant woman should've been able to.


Angel thought, "How the hell didn't I notice? She always knew how to patch everyone up." She always took care of Connor's colds, Wesley's allergies, Gunn's and Fred's scrapes, and his and Spike's impalements. He took an unneeded breath and climbed the stairs in order to talk to his best friend.

He knocked first, not hearing a response in either way, opened the door to find Cordy crying on the bed. Sorrow filled his being as he took her in. She was so upset, sobbing. He also caught a scent in the air. Fear. She was afraid. He walked closer to the bed, slowly sitting on the edge where she lay. Gently he placed a hand on her shoulder, her back facing him. "It's okay Cordy. We're proud of you. I don't understand why your so afraid. I'm here. I'm not going to leave you." He got closer to her, getting on the bed and lying down next to her. He settled himself so that his chest was spooned to her back, his arms wrapped around her middle, so that he could stroke her and the baby. "Why are you so upset that Spike found your book? Please talk to me."

Her sobs slowed into whimpers as she calmed. "It's my biggest fear. That you'd all find out that I was smarter than I looked."

"What do you mean, Cordy, you've always been smart."

"I mean, my dream was to become a doctor, you know. Not an actress. I wanted to help people, but my parents said that it was a stupid dream. That Chase women don't work in menial labor jobs like that. They put me down. Said if I did it they'd disown me. There was no way that I would be one of those nerds like Willow used to be. I had to hide my books, my journals, my studies. They didn't know that I applied to Harvard Medical until after I was accepted. Somehow they found out. Someone on the acceptance board must know my father. They yelled at me, told me that they were ashamed of me and that the only thing I was good for was to marry a rich guy. In high school, my so-called friends would've made fun of me forever if I told them that I wanted to go into medicine. Only nerds went into medicine. No one ever knew that I was the smartest person in school. I'm not lying, Angel, I beat Willow every semester grade point-wise, but I'd hack into the school records and fix it so that I never showed up as #1 on the top ten list. My SAT scores were perfect. I could've gone to whatever school I wanted, but my parents lost everything due to the tax thing and they left me alone in LA. I couldn't go to college, I had nothing. Remember that nightmare day in Sunnydale in which whatever was your nightmare would happen to you in real life. My nightmare was that the chess team realized that I was a big nerd and took me away, forcing me to lose everything: my friends, my reputation, my self-esteem. All of it." She explained her feelings, all the while hoping that Angel wouldn't leave her. That he would understand that she loved him; she didn't want to keep it a secret, but that was how she was raised.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to keep it from you, but I was afraid that you'd all look at me differently. That you'd realize that I was a bigger brain than Wes and Fred combined and that you'd be jealous of me or something. I don't know… I really don't know what to do now. What will the others think of me now? Do they hate me?"

"Cordy, for the smartest woman I've ever known in my entire life, you're pretty oblivious. The others don't hate you. I don't hate you. We all love you. We've known about your medical knowledge the entire time. We just didn't realize you put that much work into it. I knew from the first time you put a bandage on me, Cor. Trust me, nothing has changed. We just realize now that you could've been a doctor. I really don't care what your bastard father told you. You are special. Hell you were a higher being, remember. You're a princess, a seer, and a part-demon, ex-higher being. You saved Faith and Nicky with your knowledge. That's what matters. You saved them. Not the seer, not the demon, YOU, Cordelia Chase-Angel. You. I love you and nothing you say to me will ever change that."

Tears came again spilling over closed eyelids. She couldn't believe her luck. She'd met, married, and loved the most perfect man-pire in the whole world. He definitely had a way with words. "Oh. Angel, I love you." No words were necessary as she rolled over, put her hands on her husband's face and kissed him until there were no more secrets between them. She told him that.

"No more secrets, I promise."

Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you

The End