I'm cold, Sam.
With every day that goes by, with very breath I take, every time I see you, all I can feel is the cold that surrounds me. Your smiling face that once brought me so much joy now only haunts me with memories. Memories I shouldn't have to endure. Memories that I don't want. The ring is destroyed and Middle Earth is alive again.
But I'm not Sam.
I know the things you did for me on that terrible quest. The times you starved so I could eat. The way you carried me when I could go no further. The way you steadfastly refused to ever leave me because I was your master and love. And for those things I should thank you. But I can't. I can't thank you Sam because I wished you hadn't done it. I wish you had left me and taken the ring those last few steps. I wish that Gollum had taken me over the edge with him. I wish I could still smile and laugh with you. So many wishes and regrets.
But I survived, as did you. And as I watch you I can see you have recovered from the horror. The anguish has left your face and you are happy with your family. You laugh with Rosie and your strong arms rock Elenor. You are free of all pain.
I am not.
You don't know what it did to me Sam. You can never know what it felt like for me. And you can never understand that it's not really the same Frodo you always loved who sits here. It can't be him because he's dead. I don't know where it was that he died. Somewhere in the darkness of Mordor. Or maybe it was earlier. Emyn Muil? Lothlorien? Maybe even before that. Before I even left the Shire the ring weighed heavy on me. But somewhere along the road Frodo was lost. And I'm just a shell.
I watch you and all love had been replaced with anger and pain. Why, Sam? Why couldn't you just let me die? Would it have been so bad to just leave me to Gollum? Or Shelob? To turn your back and leave me? You could have taken the ring that last mile. Because you don't understand that all that was left of me went with the ring. Everything that was me was burned up in the fires of that dreadful mountain along with Isildor's Bane.
You wish that I could stay here with you but I don't want to. I don't want to see your beautiful face. I'm sorry, Sam. You tried so hard to help me. You still do. But I can't be helped. It's all over and all I can do is weep and mourn for the person who died along the way.
For the soul that was lost.
With every day that goes by, with very breath I take, every time I see you, all I can feel is the cold that surrounds me. Your smiling face that once brought me so much joy now only haunts me with memories. Memories I shouldn't have to endure. Memories that I don't want. The ring is destroyed and Middle Earth is alive again.
But I'm not Sam.
I know the things you did for me on that terrible quest. The times you starved so I could eat. The way you carried me when I could go no further. The way you steadfastly refused to ever leave me because I was your master and love. And for those things I should thank you. But I can't. I can't thank you Sam because I wished you hadn't done it. I wish you had left me and taken the ring those last few steps. I wish that Gollum had taken me over the edge with him. I wish I could still smile and laugh with you. So many wishes and regrets.
But I survived, as did you. And as I watch you I can see you have recovered from the horror. The anguish has left your face and you are happy with your family. You laugh with Rosie and your strong arms rock Elenor. You are free of all pain.
I am not.
You don't know what it did to me Sam. You can never know what it felt like for me. And you can never understand that it's not really the same Frodo you always loved who sits here. It can't be him because he's dead. I don't know where it was that he died. Somewhere in the darkness of Mordor. Or maybe it was earlier. Emyn Muil? Lothlorien? Maybe even before that. Before I even left the Shire the ring weighed heavy on me. But somewhere along the road Frodo was lost. And I'm just a shell.
I watch you and all love had been replaced with anger and pain. Why, Sam? Why couldn't you just let me die? Would it have been so bad to just leave me to Gollum? Or Shelob? To turn your back and leave me? You could have taken the ring that last mile. Because you don't understand that all that was left of me went with the ring. Everything that was me was burned up in the fires of that dreadful mountain along with Isildor's Bane.
You wish that I could stay here with you but I don't want to. I don't want to see your beautiful face. I'm sorry, Sam. You tried so hard to help me. You still do. But I can't be helped. It's all over and all I can do is weep and mourn for the person who died along the way.
For the soul that was lost.