We find Valjean sitting in the fountain, being peed on by the peeing
angel statue (those things are just disgusting, they should be
banned). He was thinking deeply, questioning God's judgment of
allowing such an inhumane thing to happen. It was something no man
should go through, to hear an impostor singing such songs as "Who am
I?", why wouldn't Valjean not know who he was? These and more
questions and more circled his mind and just slapped the hell out of
his lobes. The Angel then came to give a few comforting words
Angel: Valjean you're kind of overreacting about this whole mess. A lot of people have their life story turned into musicals.
Valjean just looked away and looked down on at the water/angel piss.
Angel: It's not all that bad, they make musicals about anything. About guys who like dolls, young folks that can't pay the rent, hairspray, urine filled towns, plants and transvestites that are from outer space, and cats that sing.
Valjean grew a look of disgust but quickly turned into a look of realization.
Valjean: I got it! (Valjean quickly stands up) I'll just return to Earth and haunt the theater! I'll put on dark clothes, a black cape, and a mask and scare them out so they'll no longer play that musical!
Angel: They made a musical about that too.
Valjean: Curses! (he staggers out of the fountain and to a nearby wall where he sobs) Why God? Why did you allow this to happen? I have redeemed myself for those 19 years and I'm repaid like this?
Valjean quickly hurries out of the palace. Confused and in a daze he runs to the only place he can find comfort in, Cosset's castle on a cloud. He pushes the front doors open and wanders into a room of toys. He looks around and spots a woman, his first thought was that it might be Cosset but he takes a closer look to find that it was a different woman. She was sitting down on a giant jack-in-the-box looking a picture of a man who Valjean assumes to be her husband.
Valjean: Excuse me miss.
She turns to look at him.
Woman: Oh halo señor, I was only here to get some thinking done. I shall leave if you want.
Valjean: Oh no miss . . . uh
Woman: My name is Eva Peron but you can just call me Evita.
Valjean: Evita is a very beautiful name.
Evita Gracias señor, my name seems to be the only thing that helps me remember Argentina. That and this picture of my husband. (she glances at it once more) Things have been hard without him and have been harder since I heard that my life story had been made into a musical.
Valjean: (looking surprised) Your life has been made in a musical too?
Evita: What do you mean "too"? Don't tell me it has happened to you too señor?
Valjean: Yes, sadly it has. And don't call me señor, the name is Valjean.
Evita: Well Valjean, I'm sorry it had happened to you. I know it's hard but it does get better, the songs aren't all that bad when you think about it. They're actually quite catchy, I get to sing to the people of Argentina in a moving song called "Don't Cry for Me Argentina".
Valjean: You hate it don't you?
Evita: (tears flood her eyes) Sí señor! (she puts the picture of her husband to her face hiding her tears)
Valjean: Madame Evita, please don't cry. I'd hate to see something like this tear a woman such as yourself apart.
Evita: (starts singing) Don't cry for me señor Valjean, for I will never leave you. (stops suddenly and cries harder) Oh God it's stuck in my head!
While Valjean tries harder to comfort the poor Evita the sound of the front doors closing echoed the room. They both looked toward a man, a man who's familiar to them both. They both go into a blank stare, staring at this figure. They fall to their knees and bow down to him, they look back up making sure it is indeed him.
Valjean: I don't believe it!
Evita: Is it really?
Both: Jesus!
Jesus: Yes it is I children. I came here to bring comfort and assurance to this horrible event which had occurred to you two.
Valjean: Will things get better Jesus?
Jesus: I can assure that they will for I too have had this horrible fate.
Evita: You Jesus, our savior?
Jesus: Yes it has happened to me as well. They called it Jesus Christ Superstar, I personally liked how I was portrayed in Ben-Hur, The Greatest Story Ever Told, and South Park. But me singing in Jerusalem? I mean come on.
Evita: We understand you perfectly Jesus. You're saying we should learn to live with reality and just handle this one day at a time.
Jesus: No I'm saying we're gonna have us a hanging!
Evita and Valjean gave a shocked look.
Valjean: Jesus what are you saying?
Jesus: Andrew Lloyd Webber is going down!
(we do not support hanging Andrew Lloyd Webber or any other views that may be expressed in this story. I loved Phantom of the Opera by the way Mr. Webber, send me money!)
Valjean: Jesus get a hold of yourself!
Jesus: (Jesus coming out of his furry) Oh I'm sorry my son, it has been very hard to cope with all of this. We must hurry then!
Valjean: Hurry where?
Jesus: To group therapy for musical-itus.
Evita: They have group therapy for our problem?
Jesus: Of course they have group therapy for everything. Now let us go!
They both followed Jesus outside back to the golden palace. What will this therapy help accomplish? Will this lame plot ever end? Find out next chapter!
Angel: Valjean you're kind of overreacting about this whole mess. A lot of people have their life story turned into musicals.
Valjean just looked away and looked down on at the water/angel piss.
Angel: It's not all that bad, they make musicals about anything. About guys who like dolls, young folks that can't pay the rent, hairspray, urine filled towns, plants and transvestites that are from outer space, and cats that sing.
Valjean grew a look of disgust but quickly turned into a look of realization.
Valjean: I got it! (Valjean quickly stands up) I'll just return to Earth and haunt the theater! I'll put on dark clothes, a black cape, and a mask and scare them out so they'll no longer play that musical!
Angel: They made a musical about that too.
Valjean: Curses! (he staggers out of the fountain and to a nearby wall where he sobs) Why God? Why did you allow this to happen? I have redeemed myself for those 19 years and I'm repaid like this?
Valjean quickly hurries out of the palace. Confused and in a daze he runs to the only place he can find comfort in, Cosset's castle on a cloud. He pushes the front doors open and wanders into a room of toys. He looks around and spots a woman, his first thought was that it might be Cosset but he takes a closer look to find that it was a different woman. She was sitting down on a giant jack-in-the-box looking a picture of a man who Valjean assumes to be her husband.
Valjean: Excuse me miss.
She turns to look at him.
Woman: Oh halo señor, I was only here to get some thinking done. I shall leave if you want.
Valjean: Oh no miss . . . uh
Woman: My name is Eva Peron but you can just call me Evita.
Valjean: Evita is a very beautiful name.
Evita Gracias señor, my name seems to be the only thing that helps me remember Argentina. That and this picture of my husband. (she glances at it once more) Things have been hard without him and have been harder since I heard that my life story had been made into a musical.
Valjean: (looking surprised) Your life has been made in a musical too?
Evita: What do you mean "too"? Don't tell me it has happened to you too señor?
Valjean: Yes, sadly it has. And don't call me señor, the name is Valjean.
Evita: Well Valjean, I'm sorry it had happened to you. I know it's hard but it does get better, the songs aren't all that bad when you think about it. They're actually quite catchy, I get to sing to the people of Argentina in a moving song called "Don't Cry for Me Argentina".
Valjean: You hate it don't you?
Evita: (tears flood her eyes) Sí señor! (she puts the picture of her husband to her face hiding her tears)
Valjean: Madame Evita, please don't cry. I'd hate to see something like this tear a woman such as yourself apart.
Evita: (starts singing) Don't cry for me señor Valjean, for I will never leave you. (stops suddenly and cries harder) Oh God it's stuck in my head!
While Valjean tries harder to comfort the poor Evita the sound of the front doors closing echoed the room. They both looked toward a man, a man who's familiar to them both. They both go into a blank stare, staring at this figure. They fall to their knees and bow down to him, they look back up making sure it is indeed him.
Valjean: I don't believe it!
Evita: Is it really?
Both: Jesus!
Jesus: Yes it is I children. I came here to bring comfort and assurance to this horrible event which had occurred to you two.
Valjean: Will things get better Jesus?
Jesus: I can assure that they will for I too have had this horrible fate.
Evita: You Jesus, our savior?
Jesus: Yes it has happened to me as well. They called it Jesus Christ Superstar, I personally liked how I was portrayed in Ben-Hur, The Greatest Story Ever Told, and South Park. But me singing in Jerusalem? I mean come on.
Evita: We understand you perfectly Jesus. You're saying we should learn to live with reality and just handle this one day at a time.
Jesus: No I'm saying we're gonna have us a hanging!
Evita and Valjean gave a shocked look.
Valjean: Jesus what are you saying?
Jesus: Andrew Lloyd Webber is going down!
(we do not support hanging Andrew Lloyd Webber or any other views that may be expressed in this story. I loved Phantom of the Opera by the way Mr. Webber, send me money!)
Valjean: Jesus get a hold of yourself!
Jesus: (Jesus coming out of his furry) Oh I'm sorry my son, it has been very hard to cope with all of this. We must hurry then!
Valjean: Hurry where?
Jesus: To group therapy for musical-itus.
Evita: They have group therapy for our problem?
Jesus: Of course they have group therapy for everything. Now let us go!
They both followed Jesus outside back to the golden palace. What will this therapy help accomplish? Will this lame plot ever end? Find out next chapter!