This chapter is just for you 'gohon ssj4'.
I think it fits in well with the story at this point.
BTW. This will be the ONLY, I repeat ONLY chapter from BB's point of view. It wasnt originally planned but I figure it will straighten some stuff out, and maybe add a bit more irony.
Anywho, read on, and see what you think ^_^
~*Chibi*~
OH and this may seem OOC but its INSIDE bbs head.
If he is depressed inside, he may seem a bit OOC compared to the funny, cute BB we know.
Anyway, lets see how this works out.-------
Disclaimer: I dont own teen titans.
**************************************************************************** **********
Chapter eight. - Beast boys dark past.
I woke up suddenly, and looked at my clock.
It was about 4.00am.
I rubbed my head and yawned.
I'm sure I was hearing things.
Y'see, I was stirring when I thought I heard a voice saying :
"Goodnight. I love you."
Did I imagine it? Who was it?
I closed my eyes recalling the voice.
"Raven..." escaped my lips as I opened my eyes.
I rolled them.
'It was in my dream, obviously.' I thought, angered by myself.
I lay back down again and decided to see if I could sleep a bit more.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^^*^*^^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ I had some troubled dreams.
I really hate myself sometimes, only I forget about it when I'm with my friends.
I suppose that the reason I feel this way is that I'm depressed inside.
I would never admit it. Not even to myself.
Noone knows, and noone is going to find out. Ever.
As long as I'm "BeastBoy, number one goof" then it can stay private.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.
It really gets to me, y'know.
Living in the shadow of someone you aren't can get damn cold.
I cry because I dont want to live in a shadow.
The sun looks so much warmer and more welcoming.
So, at night, I let it out, and I feel a little of that warmth.
But it is only a temporary aid for something which runs deep.
Pain which is amplifyed everytime I see my face.
Every time I transform.
"Acceptance" is supposed to be the first step of healing.
Yeah, right.
Who ever wrote that, never knew real pain.
The pain which I'm feeling now.
Sniffing, I sat up, wondering where my life was going.
"Who am I?" I whispered into the dark.
No answer.
I crawled out of bed, and walked to the window.
The sun was just rising over the city, which was bathed in early morning night.
I opened my window.
The light made the tears on my cheek glisten.
Without thinking, I took off, out of the window, in the form of a raven, swooping up into the clouds.
I saw a hill in the distance and flew towards it, hoping to just sit in the early morning atmosphere, and enjoy it.
Heh, it didnt exactly work out like that.
I just thought deeper about my dreams and my life in general.
I spoke out loud daringly, even though there was noone for miles around.
"I HATE MYSELF!" I screamed angrily, my cheeks flushed, hatred in my eyes. "WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?! I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AGAIN, I JUST WANT TO FEEL LOVED."
My voice was whipped away by the summer breeze, and I closed my eyes tight, causing some tears to leak out.
I put my head in my hands.
I thought about the old days, about Mom and Dad.
'Its my fault that they are dead' I whispered softly, rocking back and forth.
I thought about the times I'd hurt my friends.
The times that I had caused a criminal to get away.
The times I winged.
The times I had caused pain unnecessarily.
'Its all my fault. Everything is my fault.' I whispered, falling on my back.
The tears came, and I didnt stop them.
My head was throbbing, and I was in pain but I didnt care.
'I deserve way more than this' I thought, furiously.
About a half hour passed, and I sat up.
The sun had risen fully now, and I thought about the other titans stirring themselves.
Raven was almost certainly going to be up.
'Raven. Raven. Raven.' I thought over.
Her face is always in my mind.
I love her more than anything.
Course, I'd never tell her.
I'd rather we stayed friends than enemys.
I couldnt bare for her to see me today. I was in a really odd mood.
I stood up, and wiped my wet cheeks on my sleeve. I sniffed.
Cy would be wondering where I was.
Cyborg. My best friend.
He always cheered me up, and the fights we had always made me chuckle.
I chuckled a litle now, allowing myself a moment whilst I recalled our last 'fight'.
"I cannot believe you tricked me inta eatin' that TOFU, AGAIN!!" Cyborg grimaced.
"I didnt trick you. You ate it!" I said triumphatly.
"C'mon BB, you told me it was eggs!" Cyborg said reddening.
"It IS eggs. Tofu eggs. You fell for it though. And your face, dude.." I spluttered giggling.
" Oooh, you are sooo dead dawg!" Cyborg said through gritted teeth as I scarpered as quickly as I could.
Returning to reality with a smile on my lips I took to the air once again.
Cyborgs life had been and still was tough. I guess thats why we get on so well.
The hate and anger inside me still hurt, like a reopened scar. I winced.
But I had to forget again.
Act like everything was cool.
Act like the fool again.
I closed my window.
"Back into the shadow again" I sighed, crawling under the covers.
********************************************************************
Well, not too bad I dont think for a BB POV chapter.
Im a little worried about this chapter ^.^;;
I hope you guys enjoy it, but if it doesnt get good reviews, I might remove it.
R/R to let me know whether to leave it in or not.
Thanks again for the idea, gohon ssj4! ^^
A short chapter again. I'll try to make the next one longer. .
Replies...
screamingmonkeydemons - I know, I read your chapter, it was good! Thanks for the kindness! Too sweet...=D
Invader Sam - Sorry bout the chapter thing, but the next few chapters will DEF be longer, promise! The paragraph thingy is cos people told me they found the story easier to read this way.. O.o;;
Gothic dancer of falling rain - Can I call you gothic? easier to type heh! ^_^ Hum, yes, I have posted fast, its cos I have college soon and I want to try and get as far as I can! I hope that is okay! ^^
Suzaku west - I will, keep on writing! Keep on reviewing!
dragonmaster01 - O_O;; dont kill yourself before you read my fic!! Keep reading!
Okay, that is all for now! So keep on readin!
Ja-ne! ~*Chibi*~
I think it fits in well with the story at this point.
BTW. This will be the ONLY, I repeat ONLY chapter from BB's point of view. It wasnt originally planned but I figure it will straighten some stuff out, and maybe add a bit more irony.
Anywho, read on, and see what you think ^_^
~*Chibi*~
OH and this may seem OOC but its INSIDE bbs head.
If he is depressed inside, he may seem a bit OOC compared to the funny, cute BB we know.
Anyway, lets see how this works out.-------
Disclaimer: I dont own teen titans.
**************************************************************************** **********
Chapter eight. - Beast boys dark past.
I woke up suddenly, and looked at my clock.
It was about 4.00am.
I rubbed my head and yawned.
I'm sure I was hearing things.
Y'see, I was stirring when I thought I heard a voice saying :
"Goodnight. I love you."
Did I imagine it? Who was it?
I closed my eyes recalling the voice.
"Raven..." escaped my lips as I opened my eyes.
I rolled them.
'It was in my dream, obviously.' I thought, angered by myself.
I lay back down again and decided to see if I could sleep a bit more.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^^*^*^^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ I had some troubled dreams.
I really hate myself sometimes, only I forget about it when I'm with my friends.
I suppose that the reason I feel this way is that I'm depressed inside.
I would never admit it. Not even to myself.
Noone knows, and noone is going to find out. Ever.
As long as I'm "BeastBoy, number one goof" then it can stay private.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.
It really gets to me, y'know.
Living in the shadow of someone you aren't can get damn cold.
I cry because I dont want to live in a shadow.
The sun looks so much warmer and more welcoming.
So, at night, I let it out, and I feel a little of that warmth.
But it is only a temporary aid for something which runs deep.
Pain which is amplifyed everytime I see my face.
Every time I transform.
"Acceptance" is supposed to be the first step of healing.
Yeah, right.
Who ever wrote that, never knew real pain.
The pain which I'm feeling now.
Sniffing, I sat up, wondering where my life was going.
"Who am I?" I whispered into the dark.
No answer.
I crawled out of bed, and walked to the window.
The sun was just rising over the city, which was bathed in early morning night.
I opened my window.
The light made the tears on my cheek glisten.
Without thinking, I took off, out of the window, in the form of a raven, swooping up into the clouds.
I saw a hill in the distance and flew towards it, hoping to just sit in the early morning atmosphere, and enjoy it.
Heh, it didnt exactly work out like that.
I just thought deeper about my dreams and my life in general.
I spoke out loud daringly, even though there was noone for miles around.
"I HATE MYSELF!" I screamed angrily, my cheeks flushed, hatred in my eyes. "WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?! I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AGAIN, I JUST WANT TO FEEL LOVED."
My voice was whipped away by the summer breeze, and I closed my eyes tight, causing some tears to leak out.
I put my head in my hands.
I thought about the old days, about Mom and Dad.
'Its my fault that they are dead' I whispered softly, rocking back and forth.
I thought about the times I'd hurt my friends.
The times that I had caused a criminal to get away.
The times I winged.
The times I had caused pain unnecessarily.
'Its all my fault. Everything is my fault.' I whispered, falling on my back.
The tears came, and I didnt stop them.
My head was throbbing, and I was in pain but I didnt care.
'I deserve way more than this' I thought, furiously.
About a half hour passed, and I sat up.
The sun had risen fully now, and I thought about the other titans stirring themselves.
Raven was almost certainly going to be up.
'Raven. Raven. Raven.' I thought over.
Her face is always in my mind.
I love her more than anything.
Course, I'd never tell her.
I'd rather we stayed friends than enemys.
I couldnt bare for her to see me today. I was in a really odd mood.
I stood up, and wiped my wet cheeks on my sleeve. I sniffed.
Cy would be wondering where I was.
Cyborg. My best friend.
He always cheered me up, and the fights we had always made me chuckle.
I chuckled a litle now, allowing myself a moment whilst I recalled our last 'fight'.
"I cannot believe you tricked me inta eatin' that TOFU, AGAIN!!" Cyborg grimaced.
"I didnt trick you. You ate it!" I said triumphatly.
"C'mon BB, you told me it was eggs!" Cyborg said reddening.
"It IS eggs. Tofu eggs. You fell for it though. And your face, dude.." I spluttered giggling.
" Oooh, you are sooo dead dawg!" Cyborg said through gritted teeth as I scarpered as quickly as I could.
Returning to reality with a smile on my lips I took to the air once again.
Cyborgs life had been and still was tough. I guess thats why we get on so well.
The hate and anger inside me still hurt, like a reopened scar. I winced.
But I had to forget again.
Act like everything was cool.
Act like the fool again.
I closed my window.
"Back into the shadow again" I sighed, crawling under the covers.
********************************************************************
Well, not too bad I dont think for a BB POV chapter.
Im a little worried about this chapter ^.^;;
I hope you guys enjoy it, but if it doesnt get good reviews, I might remove it.
R/R to let me know whether to leave it in or not.
Thanks again for the idea, gohon ssj4! ^^
A short chapter again. I'll try to make the next one longer. .
Replies...
screamingmonkeydemons - I know, I read your chapter, it was good! Thanks for the kindness! Too sweet...=D
Invader Sam - Sorry bout the chapter thing, but the next few chapters will DEF be longer, promise! The paragraph thingy is cos people told me they found the story easier to read this way.. O.o;;
Gothic dancer of falling rain - Can I call you gothic? easier to type heh! ^_^ Hum, yes, I have posted fast, its cos I have college soon and I want to try and get as far as I can! I hope that is okay! ^^
Suzaku west - I will, keep on writing! Keep on reviewing!
dragonmaster01 - O_O;; dont kill yourself before you read my fic!! Keep reading!
Okay, that is all for now! So keep on readin!
Ja-ne! ~*Chibi*~