We emptied the camp by noon of that day. Because Sára's horse was still lame, we were forced to move much more slowly than we had hoped. I sought out Sára again; she was walking with Ango and Gimli. She swung up into her saddle and coaxed her mare over to me. We chatted for a long while, idle gossip about events and people long past. I noticed she often glanced toward Ango, her eyes seeking him out again and again.
I teased her the next morning, when he left us to plot with Gimli and Legolas. "You follow him with your eyes, sister. Do I detect a slight interest, or is my face not appealing to you?"
She turned wide blue eyes to me. "No, I do not seek to avoid your face. And I have nothing other than curiosity about Ango--you know Warrior dedication." She glanced around. Leaning over her mare's neck, she muttered to me. "But I do mark that your Elven friend watches you. Will you not go speak with him?"
I shook my head. "No. I cannot. We parted poorly, when last we spoke. It is still awkward. I would not wish to discomfit him."
She snorted indelicately. "I think you should discomfit him. I heard what happened."
I snorted also. "More gossip? Have you people nothing better to do than speculate about my life? Perhaps I should spend less time worrying that our new companions are alone and more time keeping my eye on the Walkers."
"No. We do not have anything better to discuss, not at the moment. And it wasn't gossip. I overheard him talking to the Dwarf earlier." She grinned in triumph as my mouth fell open. I wrenched Hellebore out of the line, dragging Sára's horse by the reins. We waited until the others passed us.
"What did he say, sister? Please. Do not tease me on this." My voice trembled audibly.
She studied my face, carefully choosing her words. "He has doubts. He cares for you, but mentioned Aragorn's lady often- that she would be left alone when Aragon dies. He is unsure, he said, of your feelings for him. He is afraid that he offended you or that you will think he meant to take advantage." She paused, gazing along the line of people. "Sister, may I speak frankly?"
"When did you ever ask permission to speak your mind?"
"You must speak with him. You cannot continue to avoid one another. Niquë says that a battle is at hand- you must reconcile this before you lose the chance." She grabbed my arm hard enough to make me wince. "Do not wait until it is too late. I did, and I shall regret it forever."
I frowned; I knew that she was fond of one of the Warriors that fell at the outset, but I had not realized the extent of her affection. She had loved him, obviously, and he had died. I squeezed her hand and dug my heels into Hellebore's flanks.
I sought him out, walking with Gimli near the head of the line. Gimli turned at my approach and eyed me grumpily. I reined Hellebore to their pace. Legolas turned away from me, fussing with his horse's gear.
"Good morning, Master Gimli. Might I speak with you a moment, my lord Prince?" I pitched my voice over the noise of the train yet not so loud that we could be easily overheard. He did not respond. I glanced at Gimli, frustrated, and guided Hellebore out of the line again. The Dwarf scowled and strode to Legolas's side. They argued briefly, Legolas shaking his head while Gimli pointed at me. Finally, Legolas shrugged and mounted, every line of his body stiff. He urged the his horse over to me and stared at me, his face impassive.
I pushed Hellebore back into a slow walk. His mount matched the pace, bringing Legolas even with me. We rode a while in silence as I tried to gather my thoughts.
He spoke first, his voice formal and tight with an unidentifiable emotion. "You requested my attention, lady. I am here. What is it you wish of me?"
My throat closed at the chilly tones of his voice. I gripped the reins tightly, wincing as my injured arm protested. I cleared my throat, willing myself to be calm.
"We cannot continue to avoid one another, my lord. If war is brewing, as the Warriors say, we must not allow our own differences to jeopardize the safety of all."
"I was not aware that we were avoiding one another." He stared straight ahead.
My mouth fell open. "You cannot mean to tell me that you deny avoiding me. You will not speak with me, you will not remain near me- you cannot look at me even now. Why? How have I offended you, Highness, that you cannot bear to look upon me?" He remained silent. I gritted my teeth. "Does my face offend you, or my skin? Is it my race, or my injury? Can you not bring yourself to look at me, now that I am so hideous? Am I so ugly to you now? Tell me- I would know so that I may spare you further disgust or embarrassment."
He whirled on me, his face a mask of anger. "It has nothing to do with your face, Mornië."
My breath came fast and hard. "I do not believe you. You called me beloved once. Now you cannot stand the sight of me. I cannot change what I am or what has happened to me. If my face offends you, pray tell me. Perhaps there is still time for me to leave the company when we reach the Forests. Or now, before all are needed." I kneed Hellebore harder than necessary, jerking her head around.
His hand lashed out, seizing the reins. He dug his heels into his own mount, dragging Hellebore further away from the line. He grabbed my arm with his other hand, his fingers viselike around my wrist.
"You will not. Do not threaten what you are not prepared to do."
I slapped his hand away from me, feeling the treacherous tinglings of Rage at my side. "Do not assume that I will not go. Why should I stay? I am less than useless here, that is entirely clear to me. I cannot wield a sword other than Rage. Why should I stay-- to watch you learn to hate me, and never know why?"
His brilliant eyes narrowed. "You will not leave. I do not hate you."
"Then why will you not speak with me? I thought we had a friendship."
He pounded his leg in frustration, the knuckles of his fist white. "Do you not understand? Can you not see? It is not your friendship that I want. I want you. And there is no hope in that."
I stiffened, stunned to the core by his words. My mind raced. "You are correct. I do not understand. Why is there no hope?" I heard the steel creeping back into my voice and I tried to will away my anger and confusion.
He turned away, his hair falling between us. "Because you are Avari. You cannot go to the Undying Realm, and when I do I will be alone forever. I cannot face all the years of my life, grieving for you, or die of a broken heart. And I cannot choose, as Arwen has, to forsake all for love." He turned his eyes to me. They were black with pain. "I love you already, but I cannot face an eternity of sorrow."
I stared at him, open-mouthed. The breath exploded out of me in great whooping laughter. I doubled over, tears squeezing out of my eyes. I laughed until I was breathless. He sat on his horse, a statue of marble, growing more and more angry.
"I am pleased that you find my distress amusing, lady, but truly I do not see what is so funny. I am quite serious."
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "Oh, Elf, you do amaze me. You never asked, not once, so I assumed you knew."
He shifted, irritated. "Knew what? Never asked what? What are you talking about?"
I laughed again, gently this time. "You never once asked what Galadriel said to me." I leaned back in the saddle, chuckling, teetering on the edge of nervous hysteria.
"Will you kindly explain yourself?"
"She has guaranteed me passage on the White Ships. I will be the first of my kind to travel to the Undying Realms, if I wish. If I have reason."
I burst out laughing again at the look on his face. "Come. Let us return to the line. People will talk, and I, for one, am tired of being the center of gossip for bored Walkers." I left him still staring in shock.
Sára spurred her horse to meet me. "What happened?"
I scowled at her in mock anger. "You mean you did not hear? I was sure the entire company waited with bated breath for the next week's conversation topic."
She giggled. "We would have, but we cannot stop so long. Tell me, sister. Do not make me beg."
I smiled broadly. "Let me say this- the conversation contained many revelations, the least of which was his feelings. I fear, however, that my own revelation may be the death of him."
She was puzzled. "I do not follow you, sister."
I faced her, chuckling to myself. "I did not know that he did not know." She was still bewildered. "That Galadriel has gifted me with a passage."
She gasped. "You mean...you will be able to..and he didn't know. Oh, sister...I'm so glad you went to speak to him. Now that he knows-" She broke off, eyes wide, interrupted by pounding hooves.
My arm was seized roughly from behind; I was yanked around in my saddle. Before I could react, Legolas kissed me, deep and hard and fierce, his lips hungry on mine. His hands dug into my hair, twining in the length of it. He broke the kiss, whispering into my ear, Elvish mixed up with the common tongue, a flood of wild emotion. He lifted me out of my saddle and into his lap, his lips on mine again. He buried his face in my hair and we clung together.
I was dragged back to the present by a loud, insistent throat-clearing behind me. Legolas raised his head, smiled sheepishly and ducked his head again; I peered over my shoulder to see Gimli and Sára standing together, grinning broadly. I flushed deeply as the crowd of Walkers around us broke into whistles and applause. I buried my face in his shoulder, but he raised my chin and laughed into my mortified face.
"My beloved. Pay them no mind." He kissed me, a final gentle touch of the lips, and lowered me to the ground. He wheeled and trotted toward the front of the line, pausing first to hoist Gimli into the saddle behind him. Sára and I stared at each other, grinning like fools.
~***~