Secrets
Key:
Flashbacks
present time
'thoughts'
"Speech"
*****: change of scene.
*****
Secrets
Fic:
Chapter 1: Memories
Kai watched the rain fall. He stood, soaked to the skin, not caring that he was cold and drenched. He watched the rain pour steadily down around him. Let it rain. What did it matter? What did it matter if he got pneumonia or hypothermia and died? No one would miss him. Who was there to miss him anyway? His Grandfather? Not a chance. He could carry on fine without him. Who else was there? No one. Kai looked out over the hills gloomily. For the first time in his life, Kai was lonely. He had no body to talk to, no one. Not that people didn't try, they did, but he wouldn't let them. Why? The pain came back. A fierce, searing, stabbing pain that crippled his spirit. Again he saw the car in flames. Again he saw his mother trying to get out, trying to escape. Again he heard her scream as the flames burned her alive. His dad was in the car too. He was calling for help. Their four-year-old son watched in shock and horror as mummy and daddy screamed for help. He didn't know what to do. He hid for a while. Finally he thought of getting help. By the time help arrived it was too late. The car exploded before their eyes. Kai was orphaned. He was taken to his Grandfather's huge mansion and left there. His Grandfather blamed him for the death of his son. Kai learned to shut off his feelings and to push everyone away. 'If you don't let anyone near you, they can't hurt you.' he told himself. Kai never made friends. He was pulled out of school and had a private tutor. His Grandfather wanted nothing to do with him. He only wanted to make sure Kai grew up as lonely as he himself now was and that Kai would hate himself as much as he did. After a while, Kai's Grandfather noticed that Kai had a perfect aim and a competitive spirit. He taught him to BeyBlade and told him that if he wasn't the best, he would be thrown out onto the streets where he belonged. Kai grew up into a tall handsome teenager. Any girl who met him wanted to go out with him, and every lad wanted to be him. He was strange though. He never spoke to anyone and was hardly ever around unless he was kicking someone's ass in a Beyblade battle. He was cold and used this to his advantage in a battle. He masked everything and learned to hit hard and fast, and without warning. His opponent never knew what he might to next and were often lulled into a false sense of security before their blade was sent flying out of the dish while Kai's remained spinning in the centre of the dish. He locked himself away in his room and ate away at his humanity. He blamed himself for his parents death and wished he had died. He grew to hate himself, just as his Grandfather wanted. Kai looked up from the ground, hearing the sound of running footsteps. Girl's footsteps. 'For God's sake! Can I never get a moment's peace?' he thought, as he looked around. He saw a brown haired girl, about his age, run up the hill to him. "Hey Kai,"
"Yeah, what do you want?" "Friendly as ever, are you busy?" "Yes, why?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to go for a drink or something, you know, get out of the wet..." She broke off, blushing. "Are you asking me out?"
"Er, yeah, I guess so." "Sorry, but I'm just not your type." "How do you know you're not my type?"
"Just trust me, I do. I'm not the friendliest of people, and I'd be no good in a relationship."
"Oh, okay," she said still blushing. "Don't worry about it, it's not you, it's me. You're very pretty and all that, but I like my own company best." "Er, yeah, thanks anyway." She turned and walked off. Kai looked down at the locket he had just pulled out of his pocket. It had been his dad's. He opened it. Inside was a picture of his mother, not long after his dad had met her. She was about Kai's age. She was so beautiful. Kai thought about the girl he had just been speaking to. He had been holding back the chocking feeling in his throat as he looked at her, trying not to cry. She looked just like his mum. Kai looked up into the rain. He felt warm salty tears run down his face. He sank down onto one of the wet rocks at his feet. The tears streamed down his face. 'Why didn't I go and get help straight away?' he asked himself, gazing at his mother through the tears. 'Why? If I had, you might still be here with me.' He let the tears run freely down his face as he looked out over the town he and his Grandfather were staying in over Christmas. He would be being introduced to one of his Grandfather's friends over supper, later that evening. Kai's Grandfather wanted him to take up Karate or Judo or Kendo or something like that. He saw people hurrying about, bent under their umbrellas. He watched not caring as people approached the hill, but never climbed it. He didn't want to be found. Or did he? He knew his Grandfather would be waiting for him to come and get his supper but he didn't care. Let him wait. Eventually the tears slowed and stopped. His breath came in shudders that shook his body. He pulled a tissue out of his pocket, and tried to wipe away the tear marks. He felt someone gently put their hand on his shoulder. He jumped up and turned round. It was that girl again. "Hey, are you alright?"
"What does it look like?"
"I'd say you're not okay, but you seem to have a think about telling people to get lost all the time. I was beginning to wonder whether you knew if you were okay. Why do you have to push people away all the time any way? What did they ever do to you?" Kai pulled her hand of his arm where she had laid it. It reminded him too much of his mother again. One of her mannerisms. He blinked back the tears that rushed to his eyes as he thought of his mother. "Who's that?" She asked pointing at the picture in Kai's hand. "It's my mum" he replied fastening it round his neck. He was about to tuck it under his top, but she stopped him. "Let me have a look." Reluctantly he let her. "Wow, she was really pretty. I can see where you get your looks from. Not that you look girly or anything." She added hastily. Kai managed a grin. "You look quite a lot like her you know."
"Oh, I didn't mean - " she broke off "I know. Thanks anyway. Hang on, why are you up here? Are you following me or something?" He asked suddenly, as his usual suspicion came back to him. "No I'm not following you. I came to give you this." She handed him a Beyblade. "I believe this is yours."
"No, you're wrong, that's yours."
"We staked our blades. I lost. The blade belongs to you." "Well, keep it. Don't know how you plan on blading without it. Besides I have my own, I don't need yours. I just thought it might give you something to fight for." "Er, thanks." Kai turned away and gazed out at the hills. The girl stood behind him, not sure what she should do. "Would you like to talk about it?" She asked tentatively. "What's it to you what's wrong with me? Why can't people just leave me alone? Just mind your own business will you?!" He snapped, turning on her. "We all need someone to talk to sometimes. Even you." She persisted gently. "Who the hell are you to tell me what I need? Who do you think you are? My mum?" he snarled aggressively "Why should you get involved? You don't know me, I don't know you; I don't even know your name for heaven's sake!" "My name's Bryony, and, well, we all have our problems, how do you know I'm not going through something similar?"
"I suppose both of your parents are dead then?" he hissed angrily at being made to dredge up his past again. "Yes actually." she said, trying not to cry. "And I suppose it was your fault too?" "Of course not! My dad was murdered by some psycho, and my mum died of cancer." "Well it's my fault that my parents are dead, so leave me alone!"
"It can't have been your fault." "And I suppose you were there?" "Well why don't you tell me about it?" "Because it's none of your business! Why does everyone want to poke their nose into my business?" he growled, turning away. "Well if you didn't act so anti-socially, people wouldn't keep asking you questions!" she said, a little irate now. "Whatever it is, it's made you one hell of a bitter guy! Maybe if you told someone about it, you could sort out your head a bit and be a little more human! We are a social race by nature, it's not good for you to separate yourself from everyone, and it's certainly not good to blame yourself for something that probably wasn't your fault! Pull yourself together Kai! I'm not trying to be nosy, or get one up on you, I'm trying to help!"
"And I suppose you're a psychologist now are you? I don't need your help!" He hissed. He felt fresh tears roll down his cheeks as he thought about his mother and father dieing. "KAI! GET HELP! GET SOMEONE TO HELP US! HELP!" his mother screamed. "KAI! GET HELP! PLEASE GET HELP!" his dad begged from the burning wreckage.
Four-year-old Kai just watched. He couldn't help it. He was rooted to the spot. He watched in terror as the car burned. At last he made his legs work, but instead of getting help, he hid. He didn't know what else to do. He buried his head and cried. Surely mummy and daddy could get out? Why didn't they get out? They had to be able to; Kai had never known them not to be able to do something. "KAI! GET HELP! WE'RE NOT FAR FROM A VILLAGE! JUST GO AND GET HELP!" Finally he got up and ran. Behind him, he heard his mother and father scream in agony as the flames licked their bodies. He reached the village and got help, but he was too late. They climbed down the steep slope to the side of the narrow ledge of a road where the car had fallen, but the car suddenly exploded. Kai dimly heard some one shouting to 'get that poor child out of here!' but all he could think about was mummy and daddy in the car. That night had haunted Kai ever since. He had been taken to his Grandfather's house. His Grandfather hated him. He blamed Kai for the death of his son, and set out to make Kai as miserable as possible. He forbade Kai to have friends, and made him hate himself. He told Kai that his parent's deaths were his fault. Kai grew up believing this. He never made friends and he didn't miss or want human company. His Grandfather forced him into Beyblading, and told him that if he wasn't the best, he would be thrown out onto the streets where he belonged. That terrible night haunted Kai's dreams, and turned them into nightmares, and stayed with him through his every waking moment. He never shook off the guilt. Bryony walked round so that she was in front of Kai. "Tell me Kai, I want to help you. You can't just let it eat away at you. Look how bitter it's made you! Do you think that this is what your parents would have wanted? It will come out sooner or later Kai, you can't stop the inevitable. The truth longs to be known. Wouldn't you rather make the decision to tell someone before the choice is taken away?"
"And I suppose you're a philosopher now?" he taunted bitterly as the warm, salty tears ran freely down his cheeks, mixing with the driving rain as it hit his face and body. He knew she was right. He had to tell someone, but he never told anyone anything unless he had to. He knew full well that the pain was making him bitterer with every passing day. But why should she care? What did she care? It didn't matter to her, she couldn't understand his pain. 'Maybe not your pain, but she understands how it feels to have your parents taken away. Why not give her a chance? What's the worst that could happen? You make a mistake? You won't have been the first and you won't be the last. Would it really hurt to trust someone for once? Maybe the world isn't as bad as you make it.' Kai heard a voice tell him. He looked into her eyes. He saw concern, and a gentle, caring nature. At the same time, Bryony looked at Kai. The pain he was feeling was evident. It was written all over his face. At the same time, there was something very child-like about him. She could see the torment he was going through, and raised her hand to wipe away the tears. He turned his head away. He turned slightly away from her, took a deep breath, and told her about the accident and how he had escaped. He told her about how he had watched his parents burn while they begged him to get help. How he ran and hid, before finally going and getting help. And how help came too late. The car exploded and he was sent to live with his grandfather. He told her about how he was pulled out of school and had a private tutor. She listened as he told her about his Grandfather, who wanted nothing to do with him. Who only wanted to make sure Kai grew up as lonely as he himself now was and that Kai would hate himself as much as he did. It was all there. His whole, sad, story. Now Kai was expected to learn some form of marshal arts to please his Grandfather. "Oh, Kai! That must have been terrible! But it wasn't your fault! You mustn't blame yourself, they would probably have died anyway, there was nothing you could have done. Kai, you were four! You couldn't have been expected to do anything else."
"Yeah, maybe." Kai said, not crying any more. He turned away. Bryony laid a hand gently on Kai's arm. He shook it off. "Kai, you mustn't blame yourself. Why don't you come round mine? You can get something to eat and drink, and you can wash your face, your triangles are running!" She added with a grin. "If that's all that's bothering you, it's easily remedied." He turned and walked down the hill to where and icy, crystal clear stream made it's way through the village. Bryony followed him. He sat down on the bank and pulled off his scarf. He leaned forward over the stream. "Er, Kai, do you have any idea how -" She began as Kai dipped his face unhesitatingly into the water. "Cold the water is." She finished. Kai emerged dripping. The cold didn't seem to bother him. In fact, he didn't seem to notice it at all. His hair was now plastered to his face, like his clothes were to his body because of the rain. Bryony noticed with an adrenaline rush that Kai's top clung to his washboard stomach in all the right places. He looked so damn hot! Her heart hammered in her chest as if it was trying to escape. She was sure he must have noticed, even though he was calmly putting his long, white scarf back on, not paying any attention to her. 'Bryony!' she reprimanded herself 'get a grip!' Kai got up "I have to go. My Grandfather will be expecting me." He said simply as he turned and walked off. "How long are you staying?" She called. "'Til Friday afternoon." He answered, not turning around or stopping. 'Time enough. That gives me three days.' she thought to herself. She turned and headed for home.
(A/N: So ppl, what do you think? Good? Bad? Please review, 'cos I really need the help with writing it etc. SO REVIEW ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you! ^ . ^ )
present time
'thoughts'
"Speech"
*****: change of scene.
*****
Secrets
Fic:
Chapter 1: Memories
Kai watched the rain fall. He stood, soaked to the skin, not caring that he was cold and drenched. He watched the rain pour steadily down around him. Let it rain. What did it matter? What did it matter if he got pneumonia or hypothermia and died? No one would miss him. Who was there to miss him anyway? His Grandfather? Not a chance. He could carry on fine without him. Who else was there? No one. Kai looked out over the hills gloomily. For the first time in his life, Kai was lonely. He had no body to talk to, no one. Not that people didn't try, they did, but he wouldn't let them. Why? The pain came back. A fierce, searing, stabbing pain that crippled his spirit. Again he saw the car in flames. Again he saw his mother trying to get out, trying to escape. Again he heard her scream as the flames burned her alive. His dad was in the car too. He was calling for help. Their four-year-old son watched in shock and horror as mummy and daddy screamed for help. He didn't know what to do. He hid for a while. Finally he thought of getting help. By the time help arrived it was too late. The car exploded before their eyes. Kai was orphaned. He was taken to his Grandfather's huge mansion and left there. His Grandfather blamed him for the death of his son. Kai learned to shut off his feelings and to push everyone away. 'If you don't let anyone near you, they can't hurt you.' he told himself. Kai never made friends. He was pulled out of school and had a private tutor. His Grandfather wanted nothing to do with him. He only wanted to make sure Kai grew up as lonely as he himself now was and that Kai would hate himself as much as he did. After a while, Kai's Grandfather noticed that Kai had a perfect aim and a competitive spirit. He taught him to BeyBlade and told him that if he wasn't the best, he would be thrown out onto the streets where he belonged. Kai grew up into a tall handsome teenager. Any girl who met him wanted to go out with him, and every lad wanted to be him. He was strange though. He never spoke to anyone and was hardly ever around unless he was kicking someone's ass in a Beyblade battle. He was cold and used this to his advantage in a battle. He masked everything and learned to hit hard and fast, and without warning. His opponent never knew what he might to next and were often lulled into a false sense of security before their blade was sent flying out of the dish while Kai's remained spinning in the centre of the dish. He locked himself away in his room and ate away at his humanity. He blamed himself for his parents death and wished he had died. He grew to hate himself, just as his Grandfather wanted. Kai looked up from the ground, hearing the sound of running footsteps. Girl's footsteps. 'For God's sake! Can I never get a moment's peace?' he thought, as he looked around. He saw a brown haired girl, about his age, run up the hill to him. "Hey Kai,"
"Yeah, what do you want?" "Friendly as ever, are you busy?" "Yes, why?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to go for a drink or something, you know, get out of the wet..." She broke off, blushing. "Are you asking me out?"
"Er, yeah, I guess so." "Sorry, but I'm just not your type." "How do you know you're not my type?"
"Just trust me, I do. I'm not the friendliest of people, and I'd be no good in a relationship."
"Oh, okay," she said still blushing. "Don't worry about it, it's not you, it's me. You're very pretty and all that, but I like my own company best." "Er, yeah, thanks anyway." She turned and walked off. Kai looked down at the locket he had just pulled out of his pocket. It had been his dad's. He opened it. Inside was a picture of his mother, not long after his dad had met her. She was about Kai's age. She was so beautiful. Kai thought about the girl he had just been speaking to. He had been holding back the chocking feeling in his throat as he looked at her, trying not to cry. She looked just like his mum. Kai looked up into the rain. He felt warm salty tears run down his face. He sank down onto one of the wet rocks at his feet. The tears streamed down his face. 'Why didn't I go and get help straight away?' he asked himself, gazing at his mother through the tears. 'Why? If I had, you might still be here with me.' He let the tears run freely down his face as he looked out over the town he and his Grandfather were staying in over Christmas. He would be being introduced to one of his Grandfather's friends over supper, later that evening. Kai's Grandfather wanted him to take up Karate or Judo or Kendo or something like that. He saw people hurrying about, bent under their umbrellas. He watched not caring as people approached the hill, but never climbed it. He didn't want to be found. Or did he? He knew his Grandfather would be waiting for him to come and get his supper but he didn't care. Let him wait. Eventually the tears slowed and stopped. His breath came in shudders that shook his body. He pulled a tissue out of his pocket, and tried to wipe away the tear marks. He felt someone gently put their hand on his shoulder. He jumped up and turned round. It was that girl again. "Hey, are you alright?"
"What does it look like?"
"I'd say you're not okay, but you seem to have a think about telling people to get lost all the time. I was beginning to wonder whether you knew if you were okay. Why do you have to push people away all the time any way? What did they ever do to you?" Kai pulled her hand of his arm where she had laid it. It reminded him too much of his mother again. One of her mannerisms. He blinked back the tears that rushed to his eyes as he thought of his mother. "Who's that?" She asked pointing at the picture in Kai's hand. "It's my mum" he replied fastening it round his neck. He was about to tuck it under his top, but she stopped him. "Let me have a look." Reluctantly he let her. "Wow, she was really pretty. I can see where you get your looks from. Not that you look girly or anything." She added hastily. Kai managed a grin. "You look quite a lot like her you know."
"Oh, I didn't mean - " she broke off "I know. Thanks anyway. Hang on, why are you up here? Are you following me or something?" He asked suddenly, as his usual suspicion came back to him. "No I'm not following you. I came to give you this." She handed him a Beyblade. "I believe this is yours."
"No, you're wrong, that's yours."
"We staked our blades. I lost. The blade belongs to you." "Well, keep it. Don't know how you plan on blading without it. Besides I have my own, I don't need yours. I just thought it might give you something to fight for." "Er, thanks." Kai turned away and gazed out at the hills. The girl stood behind him, not sure what she should do. "Would you like to talk about it?" She asked tentatively. "What's it to you what's wrong with me? Why can't people just leave me alone? Just mind your own business will you?!" He snapped, turning on her. "We all need someone to talk to sometimes. Even you." She persisted gently. "Who the hell are you to tell me what I need? Who do you think you are? My mum?" he snarled aggressively "Why should you get involved? You don't know me, I don't know you; I don't even know your name for heaven's sake!" "My name's Bryony, and, well, we all have our problems, how do you know I'm not going through something similar?"
"I suppose both of your parents are dead then?" he hissed angrily at being made to dredge up his past again. "Yes actually." she said, trying not to cry. "And I suppose it was your fault too?" "Of course not! My dad was murdered by some psycho, and my mum died of cancer." "Well it's my fault that my parents are dead, so leave me alone!"
"It can't have been your fault." "And I suppose you were there?" "Well why don't you tell me about it?" "Because it's none of your business! Why does everyone want to poke their nose into my business?" he growled, turning away. "Well if you didn't act so anti-socially, people wouldn't keep asking you questions!" she said, a little irate now. "Whatever it is, it's made you one hell of a bitter guy! Maybe if you told someone about it, you could sort out your head a bit and be a little more human! We are a social race by nature, it's not good for you to separate yourself from everyone, and it's certainly not good to blame yourself for something that probably wasn't your fault! Pull yourself together Kai! I'm not trying to be nosy, or get one up on you, I'm trying to help!"
"And I suppose you're a psychologist now are you? I don't need your help!" He hissed. He felt fresh tears roll down his cheeks as he thought about his mother and father dieing. "KAI! GET HELP! GET SOMEONE TO HELP US! HELP!" his mother screamed. "KAI! GET HELP! PLEASE GET HELP!" his dad begged from the burning wreckage.
Four-year-old Kai just watched. He couldn't help it. He was rooted to the spot. He watched in terror as the car burned. At last he made his legs work, but instead of getting help, he hid. He didn't know what else to do. He buried his head and cried. Surely mummy and daddy could get out? Why didn't they get out? They had to be able to; Kai had never known them not to be able to do something. "KAI! GET HELP! WE'RE NOT FAR FROM A VILLAGE! JUST GO AND GET HELP!" Finally he got up and ran. Behind him, he heard his mother and father scream in agony as the flames licked their bodies. He reached the village and got help, but he was too late. They climbed down the steep slope to the side of the narrow ledge of a road where the car had fallen, but the car suddenly exploded. Kai dimly heard some one shouting to 'get that poor child out of here!' but all he could think about was mummy and daddy in the car. That night had haunted Kai ever since. He had been taken to his Grandfather's house. His Grandfather hated him. He blamed Kai for the death of his son, and set out to make Kai as miserable as possible. He forbade Kai to have friends, and made him hate himself. He told Kai that his parent's deaths were his fault. Kai grew up believing this. He never made friends and he didn't miss or want human company. His Grandfather forced him into Beyblading, and told him that if he wasn't the best, he would be thrown out onto the streets where he belonged. That terrible night haunted Kai's dreams, and turned them into nightmares, and stayed with him through his every waking moment. He never shook off the guilt. Bryony walked round so that she was in front of Kai. "Tell me Kai, I want to help you. You can't just let it eat away at you. Look how bitter it's made you! Do you think that this is what your parents would have wanted? It will come out sooner or later Kai, you can't stop the inevitable. The truth longs to be known. Wouldn't you rather make the decision to tell someone before the choice is taken away?"
"And I suppose you're a philosopher now?" he taunted bitterly as the warm, salty tears ran freely down his cheeks, mixing with the driving rain as it hit his face and body. He knew she was right. He had to tell someone, but he never told anyone anything unless he had to. He knew full well that the pain was making him bitterer with every passing day. But why should she care? What did she care? It didn't matter to her, she couldn't understand his pain. 'Maybe not your pain, but she understands how it feels to have your parents taken away. Why not give her a chance? What's the worst that could happen? You make a mistake? You won't have been the first and you won't be the last. Would it really hurt to trust someone for once? Maybe the world isn't as bad as you make it.' Kai heard a voice tell him. He looked into her eyes. He saw concern, and a gentle, caring nature. At the same time, Bryony looked at Kai. The pain he was feeling was evident. It was written all over his face. At the same time, there was something very child-like about him. She could see the torment he was going through, and raised her hand to wipe away the tears. He turned his head away. He turned slightly away from her, took a deep breath, and told her about the accident and how he had escaped. He told her about how he had watched his parents burn while they begged him to get help. How he ran and hid, before finally going and getting help. And how help came too late. The car exploded and he was sent to live with his grandfather. He told her about how he was pulled out of school and had a private tutor. She listened as he told her about his Grandfather, who wanted nothing to do with him. Who only wanted to make sure Kai grew up as lonely as he himself now was and that Kai would hate himself as much as he did. It was all there. His whole, sad, story. Now Kai was expected to learn some form of marshal arts to please his Grandfather. "Oh, Kai! That must have been terrible! But it wasn't your fault! You mustn't blame yourself, they would probably have died anyway, there was nothing you could have done. Kai, you were four! You couldn't have been expected to do anything else."
"Yeah, maybe." Kai said, not crying any more. He turned away. Bryony laid a hand gently on Kai's arm. He shook it off. "Kai, you mustn't blame yourself. Why don't you come round mine? You can get something to eat and drink, and you can wash your face, your triangles are running!" She added with a grin. "If that's all that's bothering you, it's easily remedied." He turned and walked down the hill to where and icy, crystal clear stream made it's way through the village. Bryony followed him. He sat down on the bank and pulled off his scarf. He leaned forward over the stream. "Er, Kai, do you have any idea how -" She began as Kai dipped his face unhesitatingly into the water. "Cold the water is." She finished. Kai emerged dripping. The cold didn't seem to bother him. In fact, he didn't seem to notice it at all. His hair was now plastered to his face, like his clothes were to his body because of the rain. Bryony noticed with an adrenaline rush that Kai's top clung to his washboard stomach in all the right places. He looked so damn hot! Her heart hammered in her chest as if it was trying to escape. She was sure he must have noticed, even though he was calmly putting his long, white scarf back on, not paying any attention to her. 'Bryony!' she reprimanded herself 'get a grip!' Kai got up "I have to go. My Grandfather will be expecting me." He said simply as he turned and walked off. "How long are you staying?" She called. "'Til Friday afternoon." He answered, not turning around or stopping. 'Time enough. That gives me three days.' she thought to herself. She turned and headed for home.
(A/N: So ppl, what do you think? Good? Bad? Please review, 'cos I really need the help with writing it etc. SO REVIEW ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you! ^ . ^ )