Purple Swirly Crossover/Thing Part Three
~~
Reviewer Response:
Broken Infinity: Thank you. I have.
Tavia: Well, I tried to balance the lines. . . but whatever comes into my head leaks onto the keyboard buttons before I can stop it^^. Thanks for the cameo, again, by the way!
~~
Uhura: Um, Captain, some bald guy's hailing us.
Kirk: Uh oh.
Uhura(listens): Hmm. He says. . ."who're you. . .my show. . .by baldness only. . . I have a clichéd officer. . .shut up Riker. . . no I did not mean. . .GET BACK HERE!. . .Now, where was I. . . oh, yes, this is my show. . .I'm the Captain. . .by the way, where am I?" And now there's another voice. . .saying something like "Captain. . .that line's already been used once you moron. . .death to captaincy. . ." Oh. Maybe it's the guys from the Mirror Universe . . .
Kirk: Pfft, no. Author knows everyone's getting sick of her writing the mirrors into her stories. That's why they're going to get killed off in All's Normal On The Enterprise . . .oops.
Everyone: *Groan* Sure, give away the plot . . .
Kirk: Sorry. Anyway. Did you catch this guys name?
Uhura: Catpain Pinch-hard? No, that's not it. Catpina Flinchard? No. . .
Spock: It's Captain Picard, you moron.
Broken Infinity(from Backstage): HAHAHAAA! Repetitive speech!
[Pause]
Kirk: Well, that was weird.
All: Mm.
Uhura: So, about this Picard feller. What're we gonna do?
Kirk: How should I know?
[TNG]
Worf: They're not answering our hails.
Picard: What hails?
Worf: The ones you sent out barely sixty seconds ago.
Troi: Give them a chance, damn it!
Picard: Aren't you telepathic or something?
Troi: When it suits me.
Picard: Can it suit you now, please? What're they thinking?
Troi(concentrating): I'm sensing cluelessness. . . pure logic. . . Sushi. . .fencing. . .equal rights. . .feminism. . .Russia. . . Russia. . .Russia. . .does this boy EVER stop thinking about Russia? Russia. . .pasta. . .
Riker: Shall we send over an Away Team?
Picard: Hmm. Pointless reconnaissance. Sounds good. Take three Red Shirts, yourself, and Troi.
Troi: Why me? I'm just a telepathic cry-baby.
Picard: It's very profitable. You get more experience on how to act wimpy and cry0baby like, and we get peace and quiet for a while.
Troi: But I hardly ever say anything unless you ask me. . .
Picard: You did just then. NOW GO!
[DS9]
Sisko: What was it?
Bashir: A ship.
Sisko: A what?
Bashir: A ship.
Sisko: Really?
Bashir: Yes.
Sisko: Fascinating. Now can I go back to sleep?
Bashir: No.
Sisko: *Sigh* Alright. Send out an Away Team. On the Defiant. Thingy.
Bashir: Who do you want?
Sisko: My wife, please.
Bashir: No, on the Away Team. And your wife's dead.
Sisko: Oooh. That's why she doesn't talk to me very often.
[Satire.]
Bashir: Yes, anyway. . .
Sisko: Well, for a start, YOU. And Dax. And Odo. And every other main characters except me.
Bashir: Why not you??
Sisko: Dammit, I'm the first black captain in Star Trek -
Bashir: No, Terrell was -
Sisko: I'M THE FIRST BLACK CAPTAIN IN STAR TREK and I don't want to be killed.
Bashir: How nice and heroic of you.
Sisko: Yes. Go me!
[VOY]
Janeway: . . .So, to summarize, we're stuck in the middle of a giant swirly thing, we DON'T want to rename the ship the USS HAHAHAHAWE'REDEAD, and we're going to send out an Away Team with Chakotay driving the shuttle.
Kes: A) You don't 'drive' a shuttle, and B) NOO! DON'T LET CHAKOTAY DRIVE!
Paris: Pilot.
Kes: Whatever. [Tags Tuvok] You're it! [Runs away screaming]
Janeway: So THAT's why she was written out of the series. Anyhoo, since Tuvok's it, he gets to be the leader of the Away Team. The one with Chakotay driving,
Paris: PILOTING!
Janeway: Whatever.
[TOS]
Chekov: Sair, there are three shuttles approaching. Vun wery slowly and carefully, vun normally, and vun ON A DIRECT COLLISION COURSE AAAAAAAH! VE'RE GOINK TO DIE!
Sulu: 58. . .
Chekov: Shut up.
Kirk: Hmm. Scuse me whilst I look all philosophical and stuff.
Uhura: Nope. You look constipated.
Kirk(shrugging): Oh well, I tried.
Sulu: So, what're we going to do about this shuttle thing?
Kirk: What we usually do. Wait until it's, like, so close to us it's stupid that we're going to survive, then blow it up.
Spock: Can't.
Kirk: Excuse you?
Spock: I did not sneeze, Captain.
Kirk: No, what do you mean "Can't?"
Spock: "Can't" The Concise Oxford Dictionary, 'New Edition For The 1990s', page 164. Can't, contr. Can Not. Originally brought to the English language by-
McCoy: NO YOU NOT-SO-STUPID VULCAN, JIM MEANS WHY CAN'T WE BLOW UP THE ENEMY SHIPS?
Spock: Because there are people onboard.
Kirk: So?
Spock: They are humans.
Kirk: Dammit!
~TBC~
Extra feature: A lot of you are saying that you don't know much about TNG, DS9 or VOY. Here's a quick guide.
A Quick Reference Guide For Those Of You Who Are Sure About Star Trek's TOS
TNG, DS9 and VOY, or AQRGFTOYWASOSTTTDV.
TOS, Or, THE ORIGINAL SERIES. Campy, sixties show with repeated story lines and interesting characters.
Kirk: Hello, ladies, I'm James T. Kirk, single (occasionally) and Captain of this cardboard box.
Spock: I'm the very first Vulcan you'll ever see. This is illogical.
McCoy: I'm a southern doctor. I hate Spock's guts. Except from when a few other Authors write for me.
Sulu: I'm the token foreign guy. I kill people with my long metal stick, otherwise known as my Fencing Foil or My Precious. . .
Uhura: I'm the token black gal. I don't get very many lines. Ever.
Chekov: Hi. I haff a stupid accent. I also haff a wery bad vig and not wery many lines.
Scotty(drunk, slurry): Get outta my cardboard box!
Riley: Hi. I'm not in this very much, but I'm Sukuru's favourite character.
Sulu&Chekov: Are not!
Riley: Are too.
Chapel: I'm a Nurse who canonly say "Yes Doctor" and "Sorry Doctor" and "I love you, Spock".
Spock: Get away from me.
TNG: Or, THE NEXT GENERATION. Follow on from TOS. Almost the same, expect a main character gets killed.
Picard: Hello. I'm a bald Captain.
Riker: Hello. I'm the charming yet occasionally stupid First Officer. Picard left Space Dock without me. This joke was then used again at the start of Star Trek: Generations.
Troi: Hello. I'm a telepathic counsellor whose not very good at either. . .STOP THINKING THAT!
Crusher: Hi. I'm a doctor with an unusual name. Picard killed my husband.
O'Brien: Hello. I'm an Irish transporter Chief who doesn't have very many lines other than OUCH ad OWIES! THAT HURTS! You'll se my again in DS9.
LaForge/Geordi: Hello. I'm blind. But I have a visor, so I'm not.
Worf: Me Klingon. Me have pasty stuck to head. Fear me.
Data: Greetings Earthling. I'm an android who is a sort-of evolved form of Spock.
Wesley: Hi everyone! I'm an annoying prodigy.
Everyone: WE KNOW!
DS9, or, DEEP SPACE NINE. Set on a Space Station with. . .Ehem. . .the first black captain.
Sisko: Hi. I'm the first black Captain.
Terrell: Look, I keep trying to tell you -
Sisko: Shut up, worm boy. My wife was killed in the battle of Wolf 359. I have issues with the Borg.
Bashir: I'm a genetically-enhanced doctor who likes Dax. I also like holodecks.
Dax: I have a worm in my stomach. I also have spots.
O'Brien: I baaaaaaaaaaack!
Odo: Yeah, yeah, we know. I'm a mysterious shape-shifter with no past and no discernable emotions (apart from on a few occasions when I get crabby)
Quark: I'm a bartender. I have funny ears. I cheat people out of their money.
Worf: I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack too.
Kira: I'm Kira. I'm a Bajoran (A/N: apologies for the spelling). I have issues.
Jake: I'm Sisko's son. I don't really do much except get into trouble. I'm kinda the Mirror-version of Wesley. Kind of.
VOY or VOYAGER. Voyager went after a Marquis ship and got transported to the other side of the universe by a dying guy called the Caretaker, who died and left the crew a rock and no way to get home.
Janeway: Hello. I'm the first female Captain. I have issues too.
Chakotay: I'm the first officer. I have beliefs in weird spirits who have names like Chamunze. I'm the worst pilot in the world, but I won't admit it.
Paris: I'm a member of the Marquis. I'm Voyager's pilot. I'm a womaniser. Until I get married to a half klingon, of course.
Torres: I'm a half Klingon Engineer. I have issues with my forehead. I'm kinda like Spock, but without the ears and the calmness and the looks and the logic. Okay, okay, I'm not at all like Spock. Bite me.
Kim: I'm gullible. Quark almost cheated me in the first episode. Paris talked me out of it.
Kes: I'm an ocampa. I have physic powers that eventually get out of hand. Watch me fry you.
Neelix: I'm this season's annoying guy. I love Kes and have Issues with Paris.
Doctor: I'm a hologram. I have issues with my programming, so I learnt opera. Hear me sing.
Tuvok: I'm Tuvok. I'm a Vulcan. I'm black. I was in Generations. . .NOT THAT ANYONE NOTICED, OF COURSE! I also served with Sulu when Paramount actually listened to him and, to stop him whining, made him Captain.
Seven Of Nine / Seven: I'm a Borg. Get assimilated. Resistance sucks.
Janeway(backing off): Uh, Seven, we talked about this. . .
Seven: Oh, right. And I have issues with my feelings and stuff.
Chekov: Haff you ewer noticed that the further on Star Trek goes, the more characters haff issues?
Torres: You have issues.
Chekov: No, I don't.
Torres: You do. Watch. YOU KILLED YOUR CREW IN TWOK YOU EXPLETIVE!
Chekov(holding hands over ears): Lalalalalalalaa, I'm not listening, lalala. . .
A/N: Hope this helped.
~~
Reviewer Response:
Broken Infinity: Thank you. I have.
Tavia: Well, I tried to balance the lines. . . but whatever comes into my head leaks onto the keyboard buttons before I can stop it^^. Thanks for the cameo, again, by the way!
~~
Uhura: Um, Captain, some bald guy's hailing us.
Kirk: Uh oh.
Uhura(listens): Hmm. He says. . ."who're you. . .my show. . .by baldness only. . . I have a clichéd officer. . .shut up Riker. . . no I did not mean. . .GET BACK HERE!. . .Now, where was I. . . oh, yes, this is my show. . .I'm the Captain. . .by the way, where am I?" And now there's another voice. . .saying something like "Captain. . .that line's already been used once you moron. . .death to captaincy. . ." Oh. Maybe it's the guys from the Mirror Universe . . .
Kirk: Pfft, no. Author knows everyone's getting sick of her writing the mirrors into her stories. That's why they're going to get killed off in All's Normal On The Enterprise . . .oops.
Everyone: *Groan* Sure, give away the plot . . .
Kirk: Sorry. Anyway. Did you catch this guys name?
Uhura: Catpain Pinch-hard? No, that's not it. Catpina Flinchard? No. . .
Spock: It's Captain Picard, you moron.
Broken Infinity(from Backstage): HAHAHAAA! Repetitive speech!
[Pause]
Kirk: Well, that was weird.
All: Mm.
Uhura: So, about this Picard feller. What're we gonna do?
Kirk: How should I know?
[TNG]
Worf: They're not answering our hails.
Picard: What hails?
Worf: The ones you sent out barely sixty seconds ago.
Troi: Give them a chance, damn it!
Picard: Aren't you telepathic or something?
Troi: When it suits me.
Picard: Can it suit you now, please? What're they thinking?
Troi(concentrating): I'm sensing cluelessness. . . pure logic. . . Sushi. . .fencing. . .equal rights. . .feminism. . .Russia. . . Russia. . .Russia. . .does this boy EVER stop thinking about Russia? Russia. . .pasta. . .
Riker: Shall we send over an Away Team?
Picard: Hmm. Pointless reconnaissance. Sounds good. Take three Red Shirts, yourself, and Troi.
Troi: Why me? I'm just a telepathic cry-baby.
Picard: It's very profitable. You get more experience on how to act wimpy and cry0baby like, and we get peace and quiet for a while.
Troi: But I hardly ever say anything unless you ask me. . .
Picard: You did just then. NOW GO!
[DS9]
Sisko: What was it?
Bashir: A ship.
Sisko: A what?
Bashir: A ship.
Sisko: Really?
Bashir: Yes.
Sisko: Fascinating. Now can I go back to sleep?
Bashir: No.
Sisko: *Sigh* Alright. Send out an Away Team. On the Defiant. Thingy.
Bashir: Who do you want?
Sisko: My wife, please.
Bashir: No, on the Away Team. And your wife's dead.
Sisko: Oooh. That's why she doesn't talk to me very often.
[Satire.]
Bashir: Yes, anyway. . .
Sisko: Well, for a start, YOU. And Dax. And Odo. And every other main characters except me.
Bashir: Why not you??
Sisko: Dammit, I'm the first black captain in Star Trek -
Bashir: No, Terrell was -
Sisko: I'M THE FIRST BLACK CAPTAIN IN STAR TREK and I don't want to be killed.
Bashir: How nice and heroic of you.
Sisko: Yes. Go me!
[VOY]
Janeway: . . .So, to summarize, we're stuck in the middle of a giant swirly thing, we DON'T want to rename the ship the USS HAHAHAHAWE'REDEAD, and we're going to send out an Away Team with Chakotay driving the shuttle.
Kes: A) You don't 'drive' a shuttle, and B) NOO! DON'T LET CHAKOTAY DRIVE!
Paris: Pilot.
Kes: Whatever. [Tags Tuvok] You're it! [Runs away screaming]
Janeway: So THAT's why she was written out of the series. Anyhoo, since Tuvok's it, he gets to be the leader of the Away Team. The one with Chakotay driving,
Paris: PILOTING!
Janeway: Whatever.
[TOS]
Chekov: Sair, there are three shuttles approaching. Vun wery slowly and carefully, vun normally, and vun ON A DIRECT COLLISION COURSE AAAAAAAH! VE'RE GOINK TO DIE!
Sulu: 58. . .
Chekov: Shut up.
Kirk: Hmm. Scuse me whilst I look all philosophical and stuff.
Uhura: Nope. You look constipated.
Kirk(shrugging): Oh well, I tried.
Sulu: So, what're we going to do about this shuttle thing?
Kirk: What we usually do. Wait until it's, like, so close to us it's stupid that we're going to survive, then blow it up.
Spock: Can't.
Kirk: Excuse you?
Spock: I did not sneeze, Captain.
Kirk: No, what do you mean "Can't?"
Spock: "Can't" The Concise Oxford Dictionary, 'New Edition For The 1990s', page 164. Can't, contr. Can Not. Originally brought to the English language by-
McCoy: NO YOU NOT-SO-STUPID VULCAN, JIM MEANS WHY CAN'T WE BLOW UP THE ENEMY SHIPS?
Spock: Because there are people onboard.
Kirk: So?
Spock: They are humans.
Kirk: Dammit!
~TBC~
Extra feature: A lot of you are saying that you don't know much about TNG, DS9 or VOY. Here's a quick guide.
A Quick Reference Guide For Those Of You Who Are Sure About Star Trek's TOS
TNG, DS9 and VOY, or AQRGFTOYWASOSTTTDV.
TOS, Or, THE ORIGINAL SERIES. Campy, sixties show with repeated story lines and interesting characters.
Kirk: Hello, ladies, I'm James T. Kirk, single (occasionally) and Captain of this cardboard box.
Spock: I'm the very first Vulcan you'll ever see. This is illogical.
McCoy: I'm a southern doctor. I hate Spock's guts. Except from when a few other Authors write for me.
Sulu: I'm the token foreign guy. I kill people with my long metal stick, otherwise known as my Fencing Foil or My Precious. . .
Uhura: I'm the token black gal. I don't get very many lines. Ever.
Chekov: Hi. I haff a stupid accent. I also haff a wery bad vig and not wery many lines.
Scotty(drunk, slurry): Get outta my cardboard box!
Riley: Hi. I'm not in this very much, but I'm Sukuru's favourite character.
Sulu&Chekov: Are not!
Riley: Are too.
Chapel: I'm a Nurse who canonly say "Yes Doctor" and "Sorry Doctor" and "I love you, Spock".
Spock: Get away from me.
TNG: Or, THE NEXT GENERATION. Follow on from TOS. Almost the same, expect a main character gets killed.
Picard: Hello. I'm a bald Captain.
Riker: Hello. I'm the charming yet occasionally stupid First Officer. Picard left Space Dock without me. This joke was then used again at the start of Star Trek: Generations.
Troi: Hello. I'm a telepathic counsellor whose not very good at either. . .STOP THINKING THAT!
Crusher: Hi. I'm a doctor with an unusual name. Picard killed my husband.
O'Brien: Hello. I'm an Irish transporter Chief who doesn't have very many lines other than OUCH ad OWIES! THAT HURTS! You'll se my again in DS9.
LaForge/Geordi: Hello. I'm blind. But I have a visor, so I'm not.
Worf: Me Klingon. Me have pasty stuck to head. Fear me.
Data: Greetings Earthling. I'm an android who is a sort-of evolved form of Spock.
Wesley: Hi everyone! I'm an annoying prodigy.
Everyone: WE KNOW!
DS9, or, DEEP SPACE NINE. Set on a Space Station with. . .Ehem. . .the first black captain.
Sisko: Hi. I'm the first black Captain.
Terrell: Look, I keep trying to tell you -
Sisko: Shut up, worm boy. My wife was killed in the battle of Wolf 359. I have issues with the Borg.
Bashir: I'm a genetically-enhanced doctor who likes Dax. I also like holodecks.
Dax: I have a worm in my stomach. I also have spots.
O'Brien: I baaaaaaaaaaack!
Odo: Yeah, yeah, we know. I'm a mysterious shape-shifter with no past and no discernable emotions (apart from on a few occasions when I get crabby)
Quark: I'm a bartender. I have funny ears. I cheat people out of their money.
Worf: I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack too.
Kira: I'm Kira. I'm a Bajoran (A/N: apologies for the spelling). I have issues.
Jake: I'm Sisko's son. I don't really do much except get into trouble. I'm kinda the Mirror-version of Wesley. Kind of.
VOY or VOYAGER. Voyager went after a Marquis ship and got transported to the other side of the universe by a dying guy called the Caretaker, who died and left the crew a rock and no way to get home.
Janeway: Hello. I'm the first female Captain. I have issues too.
Chakotay: I'm the first officer. I have beliefs in weird spirits who have names like Chamunze. I'm the worst pilot in the world, but I won't admit it.
Paris: I'm a member of the Marquis. I'm Voyager's pilot. I'm a womaniser. Until I get married to a half klingon, of course.
Torres: I'm a half Klingon Engineer. I have issues with my forehead. I'm kinda like Spock, but without the ears and the calmness and the looks and the logic. Okay, okay, I'm not at all like Spock. Bite me.
Kim: I'm gullible. Quark almost cheated me in the first episode. Paris talked me out of it.
Kes: I'm an ocampa. I have physic powers that eventually get out of hand. Watch me fry you.
Neelix: I'm this season's annoying guy. I love Kes and have Issues with Paris.
Doctor: I'm a hologram. I have issues with my programming, so I learnt opera. Hear me sing.
Tuvok: I'm Tuvok. I'm a Vulcan. I'm black. I was in Generations. . .NOT THAT ANYONE NOTICED, OF COURSE! I also served with Sulu when Paramount actually listened to him and, to stop him whining, made him Captain.
Seven Of Nine / Seven: I'm a Borg. Get assimilated. Resistance sucks.
Janeway(backing off): Uh, Seven, we talked about this. . .
Seven: Oh, right. And I have issues with my feelings and stuff.
Chekov: Haff you ewer noticed that the further on Star Trek goes, the more characters haff issues?
Torres: You have issues.
Chekov: No, I don't.
Torres: You do. Watch. YOU KILLED YOUR CREW IN TWOK YOU EXPLETIVE!
Chekov(holding hands over ears): Lalalalalalalaa, I'm not listening, lalala. . .
A/N: Hope this helped.