The Very Secret Diary of a Drum Major
Day 1 - Monday
Am the Alpha and the Omega. Am king of the world. Am ruler of lowly band. Can bend all freshmen to will. Directer too. Evil Staffmember, however, is quite threatening. Soiled my white shoes then complained that I wave arms too much. Whatever. AM DRUM MAJOR ALMIGHTY!!! {dramatic lightning crash}
Day 2 - Tuesday
Was generous enough to give spare twinky crumbs to pathetic freshman. Was very grateful. Then remembered do not like generosity and locked freshman in abandoned baritone case. Man, I love my job.
In other news...
Have noticed drummer has sexy tan line. Is beginning to look more attractive than myself... maybe. Will perhaps have freshmen baritones jump him. Will see.
Day 3 - Wenesday
Accidentally looked band member in eye today. High and Mighty appearance totally ruined. Well, maybe is ok. Was drummer.
Day 4 - Thursday
Have made freshmen sing drum major anthem. Was beautiful. Have announced Drum Major Fan Club meets from 3:00 to 5:00. Wonder if anyone will show?
Later...
All freshmen are prostrate at my feet! May however be from exhaustion. Can't be sure.
Day 5 - Friday
Noticed kid watching from behind bush. Wonder if is hot? Could not tell as could only see head.
Day 6 - Saturday
Think freshmen plan to rebel. Today stole whistle and filled with pepsi. Will take for ever to clean to perfect shineyness again. Must find way to brainwash freshmen.
Day 7 - Sunday
Went to church. Saw director. Never knew was church going man. Guess makes sense as is confession day. Wonder what he confessed?
Also...
Went to local karaeoke bar. Note to self: Drum major anthem not good karaeoke song.
Day 8 - Monday
Drummer gaining too much popularity. Will definitely have baritones jump him. Also, freshmen stole whistle again. This time, covered in permanent pink marker. Just when had it shiney again too. Although pink is pretty, will work hard to fix.
Day 9 - Tuesday
Whistle is shiney. Yay! Baritones returned to me late last night all hot an sweaty. Drummer obviously been jumped. Acts very tired today. Not so hot now, are ya you weasel boner?!
Day 10 - Wednesday
Have had enough. This time whistle covered in glow-in-the-dark nail polish. Am very displeased. Slapped random freshman. Must have been tuba player as tuba section leander now on warpath. Kid was behind bush again today. Think is flirting with me. Refuse to flirt back until see rest of him.
Day 11 - Thursday
Seems large replica of Colossus has been erected in brass room. Man that guy is h... huge. So that's why drummer always stealing other people's balls. Hey! Those are mine! Will steal back my balls. Sure statue is now more unstable, but oh well.
Day 12 - Friday
Drummer has knocked over Colossus. Couldn't be my fault... Perhaps trombones will kill him. Than would no longer be threat.
Day 13 - Saturday
Band killed bush kid. Saw him. Was definitely not hot. Trumpet section leader pantsed director. Was wearing bandages much like a diaper. Maybe this is what he confessed? Must go. Big barbeque. Bush kid is guest of honor.
Later...
Bush kid set on fire and burried in pit on band field. Was fun. Then ate hot dogs. Someone even set off fireworks. Isn't that illegal?
Day 14 - Sunday
Cannot cope. Freshmen poured iodine on lovely white pants. Those pants were my life! Have killed all freshmen using evil staffmember as sniper. Imagine band will be considerably smaller tomorrow.
Day 1 - Monday
Am the Alpha and the Omega. Am king of the world. Am ruler of lowly band. Can bend all freshmen to will. Directer too. Evil Staffmember, however, is quite threatening. Soiled my white shoes then complained that I wave arms too much. Whatever. AM DRUM MAJOR ALMIGHTY!!! {dramatic lightning crash}
Day 2 - Tuesday
Was generous enough to give spare twinky crumbs to pathetic freshman. Was very grateful. Then remembered do not like generosity and locked freshman in abandoned baritone case. Man, I love my job.
In other news...
Have noticed drummer has sexy tan line. Is beginning to look more attractive than myself... maybe. Will perhaps have freshmen baritones jump him. Will see.
Day 3 - Wenesday
Accidentally looked band member in eye today. High and Mighty appearance totally ruined. Well, maybe is ok. Was drummer.
Day 4 - Thursday
Have made freshmen sing drum major anthem. Was beautiful. Have announced Drum Major Fan Club meets from 3:00 to 5:00. Wonder if anyone will show?
Later...
All freshmen are prostrate at my feet! May however be from exhaustion. Can't be sure.
Day 5 - Friday
Noticed kid watching from behind bush. Wonder if is hot? Could not tell as could only see head.
Day 6 - Saturday
Think freshmen plan to rebel. Today stole whistle and filled with pepsi. Will take for ever to clean to perfect shineyness again. Must find way to brainwash freshmen.
Day 7 - Sunday
Went to church. Saw director. Never knew was church going man. Guess makes sense as is confession day. Wonder what he confessed?
Also...
Went to local karaeoke bar. Note to self: Drum major anthem not good karaeoke song.
Day 8 - Monday
Drummer gaining too much popularity. Will definitely have baritones jump him. Also, freshmen stole whistle again. This time, covered in permanent pink marker. Just when had it shiney again too. Although pink is pretty, will work hard to fix.
Day 9 - Tuesday
Whistle is shiney. Yay! Baritones returned to me late last night all hot an sweaty. Drummer obviously been jumped. Acts very tired today. Not so hot now, are ya you weasel boner?!
Day 10 - Wednesday
Have had enough. This time whistle covered in glow-in-the-dark nail polish. Am very displeased. Slapped random freshman. Must have been tuba player as tuba section leander now on warpath. Kid was behind bush again today. Think is flirting with me. Refuse to flirt back until see rest of him.
Day 11 - Thursday
Seems large replica of Colossus has been erected in brass room. Man that guy is h... huge. So that's why drummer always stealing other people's balls. Hey! Those are mine! Will steal back my balls. Sure statue is now more unstable, but oh well.
Day 12 - Friday
Drummer has knocked over Colossus. Couldn't be my fault... Perhaps trombones will kill him. Than would no longer be threat.
Day 13 - Saturday
Band killed bush kid. Saw him. Was definitely not hot. Trumpet section leader pantsed director. Was wearing bandages much like a diaper. Maybe this is what he confessed? Must go. Big barbeque. Bush kid is guest of honor.
Later...
Bush kid set on fire and burried in pit on band field. Was fun. Then ate hot dogs. Someone even set off fireworks. Isn't that illegal?
Day 14 - Sunday
Cannot cope. Freshmen poured iodine on lovely white pants. Those pants were my life! Have killed all freshmen using evil staffmember as sniper. Imagine band will be considerably smaller tomorrow.