The Very Secret Diary of an Evil Staff Member (Number 2)
Day 1 - Monday
Cussing out runty high school band nerds fun. Wearing flip flops and pajama bottoms fun. Being hottest d*** staff member ever fun.
In short, life fun.
Drums fun too. My job to make them not fun.
Will be fun.
Day 2 - Tuesday
Whipped drumline into shape today. One drummer has sexy tan line. Feel is encroaching on my hotness. Will make his arms tired in retaliation.
Day 3 - Wednesday
Pit such an irritating section. Refuse to be whipped into shape. Other evil staff member irritating too. Makes pointed remarks about how he is in charge of entire band, and I only help out with drumline.
Poncy git. I help with pit, too.
Day 4 - Thursday
Tripped on snare drum in flip flops, ruined sexy big toe. Does not matter. Am still hottest d*** staff member ever.
Stupid poncy other staff member obsessed with amplified metronome. Must make plans to murder other staff member.
Day 5 - Friday
Found tennis balls in hot drummer's snare drum. Decided not to inquire.
Tried to whip pit into shape again. Failed. Noticed fat pit girl missing.
Day 6 - Saturday
Stupid poncy other staff member stole my powerade. Did not confess under interrogation. Instead told me off.
Must definitely make plans to murder other staff member.
Day 7 - Sunday
Am most tired and deprived of powerade. Will now make plans to murder other staff member.
Day 8 - Monday
Fat pit girl missing at least three days. Am most peeved, as am trying to whip pit into shape and cannot when part of pit is no-show.
Day 9 - Tuesday
Found fat pit girl lodged in tuba cubby. Extracted her with much help from drumline. Am happy for now can whip pit into shape properly.
Big toe has healed. Am now hottest d*** staff member ever. Always was.
Day 10 - Wednesday
Rained. Hate rain for now cannot whip drumline into shape some more.
Day 11 - Thursday
Idiot drumline sprinkled Gold Bond all over drum room. Some got on spare pair of flip flops. Am most peeved.
Day 12 - Friday
Have noticed fat pit girl missing again. Better turn up soon, or will make her carry gong to all practices.
Stubbed sexy big toe. No, other sexy big toe. Stupid sexy snare drummer must learn to put drum in avoidable places.
Day 13 - Saturday
Now not only is fat pit girl missing, but also sexy drummer. Am most peeved. Am so peeved, will not participate in burning of nerdy kid this evening. Shall resist temptation to eat hot dogs.
Day 14 - Sunday
If fat pit girl still missing tomorrow, will not only force her to carry gong but also chimes and big drum thingy.
Following that, will carry out plans to murder stupid poncy other staff member. Then will always be hottest d*** staff member ever. HA!
Day 1 - Monday
Cussing out runty high school band nerds fun. Wearing flip flops and pajama bottoms fun. Being hottest d*** staff member ever fun.
In short, life fun.
Drums fun too. My job to make them not fun.
Will be fun.
Day 2 - Tuesday
Whipped drumline into shape today. One drummer has sexy tan line. Feel is encroaching on my hotness. Will make his arms tired in retaliation.
Day 3 - Wednesday
Pit such an irritating section. Refuse to be whipped into shape. Other evil staff member irritating too. Makes pointed remarks about how he is in charge of entire band, and I only help out with drumline.
Poncy git. I help with pit, too.
Day 4 - Thursday
Tripped on snare drum in flip flops, ruined sexy big toe. Does not matter. Am still hottest d*** staff member ever.
Stupid poncy other staff member obsessed with amplified metronome. Must make plans to murder other staff member.
Day 5 - Friday
Found tennis balls in hot drummer's snare drum. Decided not to inquire.
Tried to whip pit into shape again. Failed. Noticed fat pit girl missing.
Day 6 - Saturday
Stupid poncy other staff member stole my powerade. Did not confess under interrogation. Instead told me off.
Must definitely make plans to murder other staff member.
Day 7 - Sunday
Am most tired and deprived of powerade. Will now make plans to murder other staff member.
Day 8 - Monday
Fat pit girl missing at least three days. Am most peeved, as am trying to whip pit into shape and cannot when part of pit is no-show.
Day 9 - Tuesday
Found fat pit girl lodged in tuba cubby. Extracted her with much help from drumline. Am happy for now can whip pit into shape properly.
Big toe has healed. Am now hottest d*** staff member ever. Always was.
Day 10 - Wednesday
Rained. Hate rain for now cannot whip drumline into shape some more.
Day 11 - Thursday
Idiot drumline sprinkled Gold Bond all over drum room. Some got on spare pair of flip flops. Am most peeved.
Day 12 - Friday
Have noticed fat pit girl missing again. Better turn up soon, or will make her carry gong to all practices.
Stubbed sexy big toe. No, other sexy big toe. Stupid sexy snare drummer must learn to put drum in avoidable places.
Day 13 - Saturday
Now not only is fat pit girl missing, but also sexy drummer. Am most peeved. Am so peeved, will not participate in burning of nerdy kid this evening. Shall resist temptation to eat hot dogs.
Day 14 - Sunday
If fat pit girl still missing tomorrow, will not only force her to carry gong but also chimes and big drum thingy.
Following that, will carry out plans to murder stupid poncy other staff member. Then will always be hottest d*** staff member ever. HA!