The Very Secret Diary of a Wimpy Flute
Day 1 - Monday
Sooo tired. Was forced by director and evil staff member to hold flute up for longest time. Arms close to falling off, am so tired.
Day 2 - Tuesday
Sectionals scary. Freshmen SO out of tune. Come to that we weren't that in tune either.
Embouchure ruined over summer, cannot play high F. Am most peeved.
Noticed bass drummer has sexy tan line. Wish flutes could get sexy tan line, instead of retarded golf tan hybrid.
Day 3 - Wednesday
Evil staff member v. annoying. Makes us run laps in block, then insults us. Fellow flute says is hot, but I disagree. Anyone that makes me run is not hot.
Day 4 - Thursday
Evil staff member introduced us to new best friend, Dr. Beat. Dr. Beat not hot either, as is overly loud metronome.
Low reeds so bothersome. Insist on playing louder than Dr. Beat in warm-up arc. Ears been ringing for past five hours.
Despise nancing drum major. Insists we help with pit. What really means is do all of pit's work so fat pit girl can nap in tuba cubby.
Day 5 - Friday
Marching so boring. Marched twenty minutes straight, 5 times. Am so stiff, will surely die. Flute is too heavy.
Plus drill obviously too complicated for idiot freshmen. As well as rest of band. Cough. Will shut up now.
Day 6 - Saturday
Seems freshmen good for something. Filled drum major's whistle with pepsi. Nancing drum major most distressed. Ha! Serves him right for favoring lazy good-for-nothing pit.
Am most giddy.
Bur flute still to heavy for my liking.
Day 7 - Sunday
Did not have to worry about heavy flute as is Sunday. Now have time to paint fingernails silver to match instrument.
Day 8 - Monday
Back at band camp, v. tired again. Evil staff member uses us as guinea pigs for so-called "creative running exercises." Is most annoying.
Freshmen never cease to amaze. Have now covered whistle in permanent pink marker. Nancing drum major ripped own hair out, then retreated to drum room to commence polishing whistle. Did not come out until end of practice.
Day 9 - Tuesday
Staff finally noticed fat pit girl in tuba cubby. Perhaps will make her work now?
Overheard tubas calling flutes lazy and weak. Told them flute is heavy and most cumbersome. Tubas snickered. Wonder why.
Don't see them calling fat pit girl lazy and weak. Instead give her home in cubby.
Day 10 - Wednesday
Rained today. Did not have to run. Evil staff member hung around bandroom looking v. depressed.
Freshmen really starting to become amusing; whistle now covered in luminescent nail polish. Drum major becoming amusing as well - went totally spastic and slapped freshman tuba. Tuba deserved what he got.
Day 11 - Thursday
Am peeved. Fellow flute now dating. A TUBA! Is traitor to self and section.
Tubas must have brainwashed her; can find no other reasonable explanation.
Day 12 - Friday
Found largish pile of tennis balls in remote corner of bandroom. Am v. confused.
Caught fellow flute snogging tuba in practice room. Now am permanently scarred.
Day 13 - Saturday
Vented some anger on now crispy member of rival band. Has been spying on us for nearly entire band camp, am told. Wonder if he was a tuba?
Flute still like lead weight; most annoying.
Day 16 - Sunday
Sunday equals day of rest and relaxation. Torture will recommence tomorrow, however. Stupid flute. Much too big and heavy.
Day 1 - Monday
Sooo tired. Was forced by director and evil staff member to hold flute up for longest time. Arms close to falling off, am so tired.
Day 2 - Tuesday
Sectionals scary. Freshmen SO out of tune. Come to that we weren't that in tune either.
Embouchure ruined over summer, cannot play high F. Am most peeved.
Noticed bass drummer has sexy tan line. Wish flutes could get sexy tan line, instead of retarded golf tan hybrid.
Day 3 - Wednesday
Evil staff member v. annoying. Makes us run laps in block, then insults us. Fellow flute says is hot, but I disagree. Anyone that makes me run is not hot.
Day 4 - Thursday
Evil staff member introduced us to new best friend, Dr. Beat. Dr. Beat not hot either, as is overly loud metronome.
Low reeds so bothersome. Insist on playing louder than Dr. Beat in warm-up arc. Ears been ringing for past five hours.
Despise nancing drum major. Insists we help with pit. What really means is do all of pit's work so fat pit girl can nap in tuba cubby.
Day 5 - Friday
Marching so boring. Marched twenty minutes straight, 5 times. Am so stiff, will surely die. Flute is too heavy.
Plus drill obviously too complicated for idiot freshmen. As well as rest of band. Cough. Will shut up now.
Day 6 - Saturday
Seems freshmen good for something. Filled drum major's whistle with pepsi. Nancing drum major most distressed. Ha! Serves him right for favoring lazy good-for-nothing pit.
Am most giddy.
Bur flute still to heavy for my liking.
Day 7 - Sunday
Did not have to worry about heavy flute as is Sunday. Now have time to paint fingernails silver to match instrument.
Day 8 - Monday
Back at band camp, v. tired again. Evil staff member uses us as guinea pigs for so-called "creative running exercises." Is most annoying.
Freshmen never cease to amaze. Have now covered whistle in permanent pink marker. Nancing drum major ripped own hair out, then retreated to drum room to commence polishing whistle. Did not come out until end of practice.
Day 9 - Tuesday
Staff finally noticed fat pit girl in tuba cubby. Perhaps will make her work now?
Overheard tubas calling flutes lazy and weak. Told them flute is heavy and most cumbersome. Tubas snickered. Wonder why.
Don't see them calling fat pit girl lazy and weak. Instead give her home in cubby.
Day 10 - Wednesday
Rained today. Did not have to run. Evil staff member hung around bandroom looking v. depressed.
Freshmen really starting to become amusing; whistle now covered in luminescent nail polish. Drum major becoming amusing as well - went totally spastic and slapped freshman tuba. Tuba deserved what he got.
Day 11 - Thursday
Am peeved. Fellow flute now dating. A TUBA! Is traitor to self and section.
Tubas must have brainwashed her; can find no other reasonable explanation.
Day 12 - Friday
Found largish pile of tennis balls in remote corner of bandroom. Am v. confused.
Caught fellow flute snogging tuba in practice room. Now am permanently scarred.
Day 13 - Saturday
Vented some anger on now crispy member of rival band. Has been spying on us for nearly entire band camp, am told. Wonder if he was a tuba?
Flute still like lead weight; most annoying.
Day 16 - Sunday
Sunday equals day of rest and relaxation. Torture will recommence tomorrow, however. Stupid flute. Much too big and heavy.