The deep snow muffled my footsteps as I wandered among the dark trees. I lost sight of the Keep after several minutes; I kept walking as the afternoon sun grew dim. The sleet eventually turned to snow, but not before I was drenched to the skin and shivering with cold and a thick crust of ice coated the shoulders of my robes. My feet were also soaked despite my thick boots; soon, I could barely feel my toes.
I forced myself to walk another quarter of an hour, until I was sure that I could not be easily found. Unfortunately, as I discovered, in trying to hide myself I had actually lost myself. The swiftly accumulating snow had covered my tracks, and my sense of direction, already somewhat poor, was confounded by the sameness of the trees around me. I settled down at the foot of one of the giant trees to rest.
"What were you thinking, wandering off alone from the Keep?" I spoke aloud as much for the company as from my old habits. I gazed around me; the sky was darkening frighteningly quickly, and a chilly breeze whipped through the forest, tearing at my damp hair. I shivered, wrapping my clammy robes around me. "Stupid. Stupid girl. Pray the Goddess you will last out the night, for that is all you can hope for at the moment."
I was afraid to keep walking, entirely unable to determine from which way I had come, and unsure of the distance to the next Clan holding. I shook my head tiredly.
"No. Don't try to find it. Stay put. Someone will have noticed your absence by now and surely they will come looking for you." I shuddered as the wind increased to a deafening roar. I snuggled deeper into my robe to escape the cutting wind. As I warmed, I felt myself growing more and more sleepy; it crossed my mind that perhaps this was the solution to my misery. It would be so very easy, nothing more than a short sleep followed by endless rest, and I would be free of the world. I closed my eyes and laid back against the trunk of the tree.
I was awakened by a hand on my shoulder, an insistent voice boring into the cocoon of sleep.
"Wake up. You must wake up. Beloved, you are freezing- try to wake up." I fought my up through sleep into a dark, icy wakefulness. I pried my eyes open, expecting to see Legolas.
Instead of blue eyes, I was greeted by an achingly familiar pair of hazel eyes. I gasped, jerking away from his hands. I struggled to my feet in a panic, backing away from his tall figure. I squeezed my eyes shut again.
"I'm dreaming. Either I'm dreaming, or hallucinating, or I've died."
Ambar chuckled almost inaudibly. "You are awake, my love, and alive." He extended his hand toward me, but I backed away again.
"You aren't real. You can't be real. You're dead." My breath came in ragged, sobbing gasps, my eyes clouded with tears. He grabbed the shoulder of my robes and pulled me to him, twining his powerful arms around me and cradling my head against his chest.
"No. Not dead, merely lost for a while." He pressed his lips to my hair; his warm breath brushed across my cold ear. I was dazed, unable to grasp what was happening to me. He pulled away from me slightly, gazing into my eyes. His voice, when he spoke, was soft, hypnotic. The world seemed to slide curiously in and out of focus. Everything around me dimmed and hushed as if I was wrapped in heavy fabric--everything, that is, except his eyes. His eyes drilled into me, pinning my gaze to his.
"Mornië, I have missed you so. Please forgive me--I could not come to you sooner, but you have never been out of my thoughts, not even for a moment. We can be together now, and everything will be different for us. I promise. We will be together again."
A distant shout interrupted his words. A horn sounded, and I could hear several voices approaching us. He stepped away from me then, a slight smile on his face.
"You have been found. I must go now; I think perhaps I would be difficult to explain."
"Wait. Don't go. Please don't leave me again. Please." I reached for him, but he put my hand away from his arm.
"I must. We will see each other again soon." He melted into the trees as silent as one of my own kin. I was rooted to the spot, shaking with cold and reaction, frigid tears smearing across my cheeks. The group of searchers burst into the small clearing; Rain sprinted to my side. He flung a heavy blanket around my shoulders, then shook me fiercely.
"What is in your head? Have you lost your senses--what if we hadn't found you? You would have died, did you think of that? Or is that what you were trying to do?" I stared at him, still shocked. Something in my eyes must have alerted him; he gripped my shoulders harder and stared into my face. "What is it? What has happened?"
I shook my head, now clouded with fatigue and confusion; the world seemed to slip and tilt beneath my feet. Rain caught me just before I collapsed into the snow.
~***~
I drifted in and out of consciousness for the next several days. The long exposure to the cold left a chill in my bones that would not lift; my lungs filled with fluid and rattled alarmingly whenever I breathed. My fever spiked several times, leaving me weak and trembling, after which I would shake with chills. My father seldom left my side, sleeping in a large chair and sitting by my bed when I was awake. The illness was only complicated by the same heavy grief that had weighed on me for the last months and a new ache of loneliness and longing. I dreamed of Ambar when I slept and daydreamed when awake; all my thoughts, fevered as they were, seemed to center on the few words we had exchanged in the Forest.
He visited me, during those long days of fever and despair. Whenever my father could be coaxed away from my bed, Ambar would appear shortly after. He spoke to me; though I was too ill to remember what he said, I understood that he intended us to be together. Each time he came to me, I seemed to improve a little, and each time he left, the illness returned in strength.
On the sixth day of my illness, Father entered my room with a grave expression on his face. He sat on the edge of my bed and took my hand.
"Daughter. Listen to me. Rain has told me how unhappy you are here and how much you miss your companions. I would not see you suffer so when it can be prevented."
I sighed, saddened by his worry. "There is nothing to be done, Father. They have their duties, as I have mine, and that duty must ever come first. I used to know that, but it seems I have forgotten. What cannot be helped must be endured."
His brows knitted together. "What do you mean, daughter? What cannot be helped?"
"I have had the great misfortune to hope that responsibility could be overcome by love. Now, I am not convinced that love ever existed." I turned my eyes to the blanket and picked at the hem with my nails.
He squeezed my hand, smiling slightly. "I think you are mistaken, child." He rose, gazing down at me. "We sent a rider to Twilight Keep with news of your illness. Your friends are quite concerned for you--one friend is particularly worried."
I closed my eyes. "I fail to see what possible good sending a message to them could do. They cannot come. Or will not. I know not which and, maybe, I can learn not to care."
"Would you erase us from your heart, then, and never look kindly upon us again?" Legolas's clear voice sounded from the doorway. I watched him, curiously unaffected by his presence, as he crossed the room to sit by my side. He was smiling, and I remembered a time when that smile would have almost undone me. Now...Ambar's face rose before my eyes, blocking Legolas from my sight. I turned my head away from him, gazing out the window at the falling snow.
Legolas seated himself on the edge of the bed and took my hand; my father slipped out of the room, making a vague excuse about work to attend. Legolas touched my chin gently to draw my attention away from the window; I must have been slow to respond, for when I turned to him, his face was troubled and confused.
"Melda, you seem...distressed. Can I be of assistance?"
"I am not distressed, my lord. Even if I were, there would be nothing you could do. I am sorry that my father sent for you-I'm sure it was a great inconvenience, and there is no need for you to stay." I turned back to the window, hoping that he would leave.
He sighed, a single sound of exhaustion tinged with irritation. "Mornië, I came because you are ill and I care about you, not because your father asked. Are you angry with me? Is that why you are so cold towards me?" He waited as I continued to stare out the window in silence. "Beloved. Please talk to me. I do not know what to say to ease your mind, or even if my presence here is upsetting to you."
I heard the plea in his voice, a tone that seemed disturbingly foreign to him. Some part of my mind whispered at me to look at him, to remember something about him...eventually, he sighed again and rose from the bed.
"Aragorn has given me leave to stay a while yet. If you should wish to see me, you have only to call for me." He touched my face again, hesitantly, and slipped out of the room. As the door swung shut behind him, I let myself slide into sleep and dreams of Ambar.