The Very Secret Diary of an Alto Sax
Day 1 - Monday
Am Mr. Joe Cool. Before took up playing a. sax, was acne-riddled nerd with thick glasses. Acne still annoyingly persistent, but now wear sunglasses. Am most cool.
Day 2 - Tuesday
Lots of push ups today. Didn't mind, even though am too cool for such menial work.
Drumline always think they are cooler than us. Today drummer showed off sexy tan line from harness. Uncool loser. Already have such sexy tan line, just do not show it off because of acne complications.
Day 3 - Wednesday
Asked flute section leader out. No real reason, just felt like it. Was turned down. Stupid flutes don't know pure uncontaminated cool when they see it. Will not waste my time on them in the future.
Day 4 - Thursday
Sectionals today with section leader, epitome of all coolness. Practiced near cheerleaders. Had fun teaching them new routines to fight song.
Asked clarinet section leader out. Was turned down. Would ask own section leader out, except is a guy. Am too cool to imitate gay guard man.
Day 5 - Friday
Asked assistant drum major out. Was turned down. Am just too cool for most of band.
Day 6 - Saturday
Condescended to ask pit section leader out. Was turned down. Am starting to get annoyed. Have burned all my Yu-Gi-Oh! cards in fireplace, am so annoyed. No matter. Will soon find someone as cool as self.
Day 7 - Sunday
Am starting to regret Yu-Gi-Oh! card decision. Was challenged to duel by next door neighbor kid and had no cards to use. Oh well. Yu-Gi-Oh! cards not cool anymore anyway. Magic: The Gathering always been 10 times cooler.
Day 8 - Monday
Asked six people out today: trombone girl, two trumpets, sexy mellophone chick, girl from drumline, and girl from own section. Was turned down by all. Can only straighten ultra-cool wraparound sunglasses in astonishment.
Day 9 - Tuesday
Hung out w. cheerleaders again in sectionals. Used to think cheerleaders were dumb but now am not so sure. They seem to know I am cool. Perhaps will ask one of them out.
Day 10 - Wednesday
Now know cheerleaders are dumb. Obviously am too cool for them, too.
Rained, so wore ultra-cool sunglasses inside. Could barely see; accidentally wandered into brass room and beheld magnificent statue. Was convinced was seeing things, so stumbled out of brass room and removed sunglasses.
Day 11 - Thursday
Helped trombones capture spy from enemy band. Is rather skinny and nerdy. Is now tied up in trombone cubby and getting regular visits from gay guard man. Wonder what they are doing.
Am too cool for such business.
Day 12 - Friday
Had most absorbing game of Magic: The Gathering with bass clarinet. Won; am so much cooler than bass clarinet, is not even funny.
Day 13 - Saturday
Brought enemy spy out to field and used him as kindling for bonfire. Then ate hot dogs. Ooh, fireworks.
Everyone happy except flip flops wearing evil staff member and gay guard man. Poncy tossers.
Last day of band camp v. cool. Almost as cool as self.
Day 14 - Sunday
No band camp today. Have decided to ask random guard chick out tomorrow.
Day 1 - Monday
Am Mr. Joe Cool. Before took up playing a. sax, was acne-riddled nerd with thick glasses. Acne still annoyingly persistent, but now wear sunglasses. Am most cool.
Day 2 - Tuesday
Lots of push ups today. Didn't mind, even though am too cool for such menial work.
Drumline always think they are cooler than us. Today drummer showed off sexy tan line from harness. Uncool loser. Already have such sexy tan line, just do not show it off because of acne complications.
Day 3 - Wednesday
Asked flute section leader out. No real reason, just felt like it. Was turned down. Stupid flutes don't know pure uncontaminated cool when they see it. Will not waste my time on them in the future.
Day 4 - Thursday
Sectionals today with section leader, epitome of all coolness. Practiced near cheerleaders. Had fun teaching them new routines to fight song.
Asked clarinet section leader out. Was turned down. Would ask own section leader out, except is a guy. Am too cool to imitate gay guard man.
Day 5 - Friday
Asked assistant drum major out. Was turned down. Am just too cool for most of band.
Day 6 - Saturday
Condescended to ask pit section leader out. Was turned down. Am starting to get annoyed. Have burned all my Yu-Gi-Oh! cards in fireplace, am so annoyed. No matter. Will soon find someone as cool as self.
Day 7 - Sunday
Am starting to regret Yu-Gi-Oh! card decision. Was challenged to duel by next door neighbor kid and had no cards to use. Oh well. Yu-Gi-Oh! cards not cool anymore anyway. Magic: The Gathering always been 10 times cooler.
Day 8 - Monday
Asked six people out today: trombone girl, two trumpets, sexy mellophone chick, girl from drumline, and girl from own section. Was turned down by all. Can only straighten ultra-cool wraparound sunglasses in astonishment.
Day 9 - Tuesday
Hung out w. cheerleaders again in sectionals. Used to think cheerleaders were dumb but now am not so sure. They seem to know I am cool. Perhaps will ask one of them out.
Day 10 - Wednesday
Now know cheerleaders are dumb. Obviously am too cool for them, too.
Rained, so wore ultra-cool sunglasses inside. Could barely see; accidentally wandered into brass room and beheld magnificent statue. Was convinced was seeing things, so stumbled out of brass room and removed sunglasses.
Day 11 - Thursday
Helped trombones capture spy from enemy band. Is rather skinny and nerdy. Is now tied up in trombone cubby and getting regular visits from gay guard man. Wonder what they are doing.
Am too cool for such business.
Day 12 - Friday
Had most absorbing game of Magic: The Gathering with bass clarinet. Won; am so much cooler than bass clarinet, is not even funny.
Day 13 - Saturday
Brought enemy spy out to field and used him as kindling for bonfire. Then ate hot dogs. Ooh, fireworks.
Everyone happy except flip flops wearing evil staff member and gay guard man. Poncy tossers.
Last day of band camp v. cool. Almost as cool as self.
Day 14 - Sunday
No band camp today. Have decided to ask random guard chick out tomorrow.