Part Nine - Alienated
Sarah had been lying in her bed for the past two hours. She was trying to go to sleep but the muffled mumbles of downstairs had proved to be distracting enough to prevent her from achieving the solace that her dreams offered her.
Karen and her father had returned home with Toby a few hours earlier, flushed with the success of their outing. They had brought with them shiny plastic mementos of the day; that Toby had waved in front of her triumphantly before throwing down into a corner and demanding some food.
The bare walls of her room appeared alien to her and Sarah closed out their blankness by tightly closing her eyes. She snuggled into the warmth of her blankets and slowed her breathing. Her eyes relaxed and her body seemed to seep into her mattress as the tension of the day left her. It was just as she was drifting off into a realm of fantasy and desire that the image of the face appeared in front of her closed eyes.
"Please, not now." She looked into the uneven expression of the features that stared back at her and wondered why it seemed that she was unable to forget that face. Why was it that every time she closed her eyes she saw the expression that he had held on his face as he realised that she was about to speak the words?
The Goblin King. And yet how was it that he himself had not been a goblin? Why was it that when he had appeared to her he had been long and lean and . dare she say it - handsome?
When she had first read the small leather bound book that her mother had sent her Sarah was sure that she had pictured the Goblin King very differently. When had her perceptions changed?
The murmurs of below continued and Sarah abruptly turned over and clutched her pillow to her ear. They always seemed to have so much to discuss - so much to talk about. There was never silence. There was no stillness. Everything was so harsh and moved so swiftly. There were always questions that needed to be answered. Doubts that needed to be addressed. Reassurances to be made that things were "fine".
They weren't though. Sarah knew that now. It wasn't fine, possibly it never had been and Sarah had just been hiding from this fact by immersing herself in fantasy. The only problem was that now reality had asserted itself and there was no going back.
The face remained. Every time Sarah closed her eyes it peered at her accusingly. He had been right. Had he not offered her everything that she had asked for? Everything that she had though she had needed?
The problem had been that until this moment Sarah had not realised just what the true extent of her desires had been. Slowly however it was becoming clear to her.
She had fooled herself into believing that her triumphant return had signalled a fresh start. She had truly believed that it would make things brighter, clearer and yet she still felt detached. Her family were still not hers, Sarah clung to the hope that one day her mother would return and finally be reunited with the small child she had abandoned so many years before. But as the face stared at her mockingly Sarah realised that these were dreams that would never be achieved. She felt empty.
The eyes continued to stare at her. They seared into her very soul. They had offered her dreams. But dreams were unachievable, they remained what they were for the very fact that they were vague wisps of hope that hovered over the horizon and yet always appeared to retreat as you approached them. They could not become reality so what had it been that those eyes had offered.
"Your future"
Sarah had been lying in her bed for the past two hours. She was trying to go to sleep but the muffled mumbles of downstairs had proved to be distracting enough to prevent her from achieving the solace that her dreams offered her.
Karen and her father had returned home with Toby a few hours earlier, flushed with the success of their outing. They had brought with them shiny plastic mementos of the day; that Toby had waved in front of her triumphantly before throwing down into a corner and demanding some food.
The bare walls of her room appeared alien to her and Sarah closed out their blankness by tightly closing her eyes. She snuggled into the warmth of her blankets and slowed her breathing. Her eyes relaxed and her body seemed to seep into her mattress as the tension of the day left her. It was just as she was drifting off into a realm of fantasy and desire that the image of the face appeared in front of her closed eyes.
"Please, not now." She looked into the uneven expression of the features that stared back at her and wondered why it seemed that she was unable to forget that face. Why was it that every time she closed her eyes she saw the expression that he had held on his face as he realised that she was about to speak the words?
The Goblin King. And yet how was it that he himself had not been a goblin? Why was it that when he had appeared to her he had been long and lean and . dare she say it - handsome?
When she had first read the small leather bound book that her mother had sent her Sarah was sure that she had pictured the Goblin King very differently. When had her perceptions changed?
The murmurs of below continued and Sarah abruptly turned over and clutched her pillow to her ear. They always seemed to have so much to discuss - so much to talk about. There was never silence. There was no stillness. Everything was so harsh and moved so swiftly. There were always questions that needed to be answered. Doubts that needed to be addressed. Reassurances to be made that things were "fine".
They weren't though. Sarah knew that now. It wasn't fine, possibly it never had been and Sarah had just been hiding from this fact by immersing herself in fantasy. The only problem was that now reality had asserted itself and there was no going back.
The face remained. Every time Sarah closed her eyes it peered at her accusingly. He had been right. Had he not offered her everything that she had asked for? Everything that she had though she had needed?
The problem had been that until this moment Sarah had not realised just what the true extent of her desires had been. Slowly however it was becoming clear to her.
She had fooled herself into believing that her triumphant return had signalled a fresh start. She had truly believed that it would make things brighter, clearer and yet she still felt detached. Her family were still not hers, Sarah clung to the hope that one day her mother would return and finally be reunited with the small child she had abandoned so many years before. But as the face stared at her mockingly Sarah realised that these were dreams that would never be achieved. She felt empty.
The eyes continued to stare at her. They seared into her very soul. They had offered her dreams. But dreams were unachievable, they remained what they were for the very fact that they were vague wisps of hope that hovered over the horizon and yet always appeared to retreat as you approached them. They could not become reality so what had it been that those eyes had offered.
"Your future"