Chapter I
(A/N - I am new to ff.net, and am not used to uploading documents. Please feel free to give out pointers/ show me where mistakes have been made. Also, please note that this first chapter does include Tolkien and Peter Jackson - however, it does not use them as central characters, and after this they will not be mentioned again. Thank you!)
"Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a land that was not near Middle Earth, but somewhat close to it, there lived a beautiful girl named Telepardawen . . ."
Laura surveyed her work with pride. Another romantic fanfic written, yet another self-insert where the beautiful heroine is sucked into J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle Earth, joins the Fellowship, and makes Legolas fall madly in love with her before she sacrifices herself completed. She smiled self- satisfied, then began to type the last sentence - "And though Telepardawen was gone, the Fellowship knew that they would be able to move on, that if she lived on in their hearts, that they would be able to cope. The En . . ."
But that was as far as she got. For as Laura began to type the last words, The End, something strange happened. A wind began to blow into the room, coming, it seemed, from the computer screen of all things. The room melted and flowed, replaced by what seemed to be a dimly lit library, or study. Laura screamed. Sitting before her was the last person she ever wanted to see - the Master of Middle Earth, the man who created the Elves, hobbits, and the Istari - J.R.R. Tolkien. Standing by his side was Peter Jackson.
Tolkien smiled at her, and said something in Elvish, then frowned when he realized that she had not understood. "Another fan girl. Why couldn't you have consulted me, Peter, before going ahead and making my books into movies? Very well. What am I going to do with you?" he asked, turning to Laura.
Laura stammered something incoherent, about how she had read the books, but they were so long - how was anyone supposed to remember everything that happened?
Tolkien gave her a disapproving look. "I will give you one chance to redeem yourself. I will ask you a question out of my books, and if you answer it correctly, then you will be excused, and allowed to go back to writing your fan fiction, or whatever you call it. Here is your test: What is the name of Legolas' father?" he asked.
"Er, I . . . um . . . Elrond?" Laura squeaked.
Both Tolkien and Peter Jackson gave her a disapproving look. "Wrong." announced Tolkien.
"Dead wrong." echoed Peter Jackson.
"Now that you have proven yourself uneducated in the lays of Middle Earth, you have two choices." stated Tolkien. "To either attend the same lecture that Mr. Jackson will be at, which is four hours long, and recounts every aspect of The Lord of the Rings, but mostly why Haldir of Lorien does not die, and why Arwen did not ride to save Frodo; or to enter Middle Earth, and become the tenth member of the Fellowship, not being written into the novel, but experiencing the same hardships as they, and learning what it really means to be an elf. Choose now, and choose wisely."
Laura thought hard for a moment. "So, like, I get to join the Fellowship?" she asked after a long pause.
"Yes." answered Tolkien.
"Okay then - I choose option number two: I mean, joining the Fellowship will be so much fun - I mean, like, think about it! I get to meet Legolas . . ." she trailed off.
Tolkien gave her a long look. "As you wish, you shall join the Fellowship. During your stay in Middle Earth, you will be gifted with three abilities: to speak Westron, to speak both Quenya and Sindarin, and to use a bow. Your joining their quest will begin in precisely one minute. You have that long to change your decision."
He pulled a large watch on a gold chain out of his pocket, and began counting down the seconds. "Thirty seconds. Fifteen. Ten. Goodbye, Miss Donaldson. Good luck on your journey."
A large hole suddenly opened in the floor where Laura was standing. She fell through it with a resounding cry, and landed in a seat around a table at the Council of Elrond.
She looked around her surroundings warily. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary - indeed, everything looked as it did in the Fellowship of the Ring motion picture.
Satisfied, she turned to the elf sitting next to her. "Hello. My name is Alakardiel, but you can call me Ala. Who are you?"
The dark- haired elf smiled. "My name is Legolas Thranduillion."
Her mouth fell open. "What?" she shrieked; "Leggy's not a blonde!"
Back in the study, Tolkien and Peter Jackson looked on, laughing inwardly when they heard Laura's reaction.
"Silly chit. It makes me wonder how bad things have become, down there on Earth." said Tolkien, suppressing a smile.
"Very bad." said Peter gravely. "When I made the movies, I thought that only those that really cared about the books would come - but things have gone downhill. I know that I made the story understandable to even the worst of the fan girls, and I'm sorry that I did, now that I've seen them."
Tolkien looked over at the film director and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Peter, but apologizing for making the films will not make me change my mind. Now you'd better leave - the lecture begins in ten minutes. Next time you'll know to ask the author before you make a movie off of their book."
Peter Jackson scowled and made his way out of the room. As he left, he could be heard muttering, "I thought you were dead."
Whether Tolkien heard him or not is unknown. However, if he did hear him, then he did not acknowledge it, just picked up his pipe and novel, and began to read once more.
End Chapter I. Chapter II - Laura sets off with the Fellowship, and soon learns the meaning of a league. (A/N - Please tell me what you think of formatting, etc. Also, please tell of any spelling or grammar mistakes you find, or mistakes in canon.)
(A/N - I am new to ff.net, and am not used to uploading documents. Please feel free to give out pointers/ show me where mistakes have been made. Also, please note that this first chapter does include Tolkien and Peter Jackson - however, it does not use them as central characters, and after this they will not be mentioned again. Thank you!)
"Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a land that was not near Middle Earth, but somewhat close to it, there lived a beautiful girl named Telepardawen . . ."
Laura surveyed her work with pride. Another romantic fanfic written, yet another self-insert where the beautiful heroine is sucked into J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle Earth, joins the Fellowship, and makes Legolas fall madly in love with her before she sacrifices herself completed. She smiled self- satisfied, then began to type the last sentence - "And though Telepardawen was gone, the Fellowship knew that they would be able to move on, that if she lived on in their hearts, that they would be able to cope. The En . . ."
But that was as far as she got. For as Laura began to type the last words, The End, something strange happened. A wind began to blow into the room, coming, it seemed, from the computer screen of all things. The room melted and flowed, replaced by what seemed to be a dimly lit library, or study. Laura screamed. Sitting before her was the last person she ever wanted to see - the Master of Middle Earth, the man who created the Elves, hobbits, and the Istari - J.R.R. Tolkien. Standing by his side was Peter Jackson.
Tolkien smiled at her, and said something in Elvish, then frowned when he realized that she had not understood. "Another fan girl. Why couldn't you have consulted me, Peter, before going ahead and making my books into movies? Very well. What am I going to do with you?" he asked, turning to Laura.
Laura stammered something incoherent, about how she had read the books, but they were so long - how was anyone supposed to remember everything that happened?
Tolkien gave her a disapproving look. "I will give you one chance to redeem yourself. I will ask you a question out of my books, and if you answer it correctly, then you will be excused, and allowed to go back to writing your fan fiction, or whatever you call it. Here is your test: What is the name of Legolas' father?" he asked.
"Er, I . . . um . . . Elrond?" Laura squeaked.
Both Tolkien and Peter Jackson gave her a disapproving look. "Wrong." announced Tolkien.
"Dead wrong." echoed Peter Jackson.
"Now that you have proven yourself uneducated in the lays of Middle Earth, you have two choices." stated Tolkien. "To either attend the same lecture that Mr. Jackson will be at, which is four hours long, and recounts every aspect of The Lord of the Rings, but mostly why Haldir of Lorien does not die, and why Arwen did not ride to save Frodo; or to enter Middle Earth, and become the tenth member of the Fellowship, not being written into the novel, but experiencing the same hardships as they, and learning what it really means to be an elf. Choose now, and choose wisely."
Laura thought hard for a moment. "So, like, I get to join the Fellowship?" she asked after a long pause.
"Yes." answered Tolkien.
"Okay then - I choose option number two: I mean, joining the Fellowship will be so much fun - I mean, like, think about it! I get to meet Legolas . . ." she trailed off.
Tolkien gave her a long look. "As you wish, you shall join the Fellowship. During your stay in Middle Earth, you will be gifted with three abilities: to speak Westron, to speak both Quenya and Sindarin, and to use a bow. Your joining their quest will begin in precisely one minute. You have that long to change your decision."
He pulled a large watch on a gold chain out of his pocket, and began counting down the seconds. "Thirty seconds. Fifteen. Ten. Goodbye, Miss Donaldson. Good luck on your journey."
A large hole suddenly opened in the floor where Laura was standing. She fell through it with a resounding cry, and landed in a seat around a table at the Council of Elrond.
She looked around her surroundings warily. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary - indeed, everything looked as it did in the Fellowship of the Ring motion picture.
Satisfied, she turned to the elf sitting next to her. "Hello. My name is Alakardiel, but you can call me Ala. Who are you?"
The dark- haired elf smiled. "My name is Legolas Thranduillion."
Her mouth fell open. "What?" she shrieked; "Leggy's not a blonde!"
Back in the study, Tolkien and Peter Jackson looked on, laughing inwardly when they heard Laura's reaction.
"Silly chit. It makes me wonder how bad things have become, down there on Earth." said Tolkien, suppressing a smile.
"Very bad." said Peter gravely. "When I made the movies, I thought that only those that really cared about the books would come - but things have gone downhill. I know that I made the story understandable to even the worst of the fan girls, and I'm sorry that I did, now that I've seen them."
Tolkien looked over at the film director and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Peter, but apologizing for making the films will not make me change my mind. Now you'd better leave - the lecture begins in ten minutes. Next time you'll know to ask the author before you make a movie off of their book."
Peter Jackson scowled and made his way out of the room. As he left, he could be heard muttering, "I thought you were dead."
Whether Tolkien heard him or not is unknown. However, if he did hear him, then he did not acknowledge it, just picked up his pipe and novel, and began to read once more.
End Chapter I. Chapter II - Laura sets off with the Fellowship, and soon learns the meaning of a league. (A/N - Please tell me what you think of formatting, etc. Also, please tell of any spelling or grammar mistakes you find, or mistakes in canon.)