Chapter 4
"How'd the lesson go?" James asked, slipping a pajama top over his head. Remus was still down in the Common Room, finishing up and essay, but James and Peter were there to grill Sirius on the entire evening.
"Not well. At all."
"Uh oh. Why?"
"We didn't study the lesson at all."
Peter snorted. "That's sometimes an issue, yes."
"Well, it's not that, Pete," Sirius amended, going into the adjoined bathroom to get a glass of water. "We spent the whole time talking about him."
James giggled. "I'm angry. I wear a lot of black. I hate the world. The End." He laughed again. "How many times did you have to repeat THAT to get through a whole hour and a half?"
Sirius glared as he gulped down the water. "That's not quite it," he corrected, setting the empty glass down and crawling into his bed. "We talked a lot about WHY he is the way he is."
James looked moderately interested as he climbed into his own bed. "And what did you learn?"
Sirius sighed. "You know, he says that he likes being lonely. He says that everything is an act and that he doesn't really feel anything because he doesn't care enough to feel. But I know that's wrong."
"How?"
"Have you ever had a conversation with him?"
"No. Not really, anyway."
"He's just. . . he's so smart."
"A lot of smart people are like that," Peter murmured.
"Like what?"
"They separate themselves from everybody. Purposeful isolation. It's weird, you know?"
"Well, yes, but I don't think he really WANTS to be isolated."
James frowned. "Then why would he act the way he does?"
Sirius sighed. "I don't know. I wish I did. I want to help him."
"You want to HELP him?"
"Yes. Strange as this may sound. . . over the past few weeks, I've. . . he's my friend."
"Are you HIS friend?" James asked softly.
Sirius sighed again, rolled over, and turned off the lamp between their two beds. "I don't know," he said, softer than anything he'd said all night. "I really don't know."
The next morning was a Friday. "I don't wanna get up," Sirius moaned from inside his bed.
"You have to," Remus and James replied at the same time.
"No I don't."
"Yeah, you do."
Remus cocked his head. "Sirius, why don't you want to get up?"
"I don't know. I'm tired."
"No you're not. You've been up for an hour, reading under the covers because you thought James and I couldn't see you."
"And you've been WATCHING?"
Remus shrugged. "Just in case you like died or something."
"How would you have known? I wasn't even out of the covers!"
"We were more listening for gurgling sounds indicating that you'd choked and died on your own drool."
"NICE."
"That's what friends are for," Remus replied. "Come on. If there's really something wrong I'll lie for you and say you're sick."
Sirius raised his head from the covers, shocked. "Moony? The PREFECT? Would even CONSIDER lying for someone?"
"If it's important enough."
Sirius sighed and pushed back the blankets so that his head and neck were visible. "I don't want to see Snape today."
"Back to calling him Snape?" Remus asked, coming to sit down at the foot of the bed.
"They had some sort of falling-out last night," James said from the bathroom, straightening his tie. "What I don't get is, how can you have a falling out when you don't care in the first place?"
"Well, that's the thing," Sirius said, replying to James's question but looking at Remus. "I think I might care about him. Sort of. A little. Maybe. In that 'I-care-but-I-really-don't-want-to' type way. Kind of."
"Are you kidding?" Remus asked, having not heard the full story the night before.
"No. I mean, it's not like a lifetime bond thing, but. . . let's just say I'm not going to tease him as much anymore."
Remus closed his eyes thoughtfully. "Well what happened last night?"
Sirius sighed. "I was a moron. I was a complete and total moron, and I'm wishing now that I'd take your advice sometimes and think before I speak."
"Christ, what the hell did you SAY?" Remus demanded.
James, slightly more interested now, came back into the bedroom, toothbrush in hand.
"It wasn't so much what I said as how he reacted."
Remus chuckled in exasperation. "Tell me what HAPPENED, dammit!"
"Basically I told him that he was lonely and that I thought that he could be so much more than what he is now."
"What did HE say?" Remus inquired, his interest now thoroughly peaked.
"He got really mad at me and told me that everything he did was an act and then he told me that he wished he could be more, but then I guess his Snape-ness won out or he got shy or something, because he got even madder and told me that he was happy being alone and left the library."
"Wow."
"It was deep, man. I had to run through the entire conversation like three times in my head before I finally got it." He frowned. "In fact, I'm not sure that I get it all now."
Remus watched his friend for a few seconds before making a decision. "I'm going to lie for you," he announced softly.
"What?"
"I'm a prefect; if I tell McGonagall that you're sick enough to stay in bed all day, you'll be able to without visiting the hospital wing."
"Thanks."
"No problem. But you know you'll have to face him sometime."
"I know. I just don't wanna do it today."
Professor Lector looked over at his class critically. "Hmm," he muttered, more to himself than anyone else. "We're missing two." He squinted. "Who isn't here?"
"Sirius Black, sir, and Andy McKenna." James spoke up.
"Yes. Black. McKenna. Thank you. Split into your workgroups. Who's left partnerless?"
Remus and Severus raised their hands, looked over at each other, and groaned. Professor Lector either ignored it or missed it altogether.
"Very good; Lupin and Snape, you will work together."
"Yes, sir," they both mumbled, and Remus headed over to Severus's desk.
"Why isn't Sirius here today?" he asked, leaning over the desk.
Remus looked up blankly, shocked at both the person asking the question and the manner of the question itself. Snape had asked it like a worried old friend. "Um, he wasn't doing so well when we woke up, so. . ."
"Why?"
"Why what?" Remus asked, almost dropping his cauldron onto himself in amazement.
"What's wrong with him."
"We. . . we don't know. . . I. . ."
"Will he want to come to get tutored tonight?"
Remus raised his eyebrows. "I doubt it."
"Ah." Snape looked down at the textbook. "We need more asphodel."
"Okay," Remus replied quietly, reaching for another handful.
"It's me, isn't it?"
"What?"
"I'm the reason he's not here today, aren't I?"
"Why on Earth would you assume that?"
"Did he tell you what happened last night?"
"No," Remus lied. "What happened?"
"I got angry at him and walked out on him."
"And now you feel bad?"
"No. Hell no. I'm just wondering if that's why he's not here."
"He didn't. . . he was too sick to talk when we left this morning." Remus frowned. 'Lying is bad, Remus. You are going to HELL.'
"Oh. I see. Well then it obviously had nothing to do with me and I'm regretting bringing it up."
"I'm really good at pretending that someone didn't just say something."
"With friends like James and Sirius, you must be."
Remus looked up and opened his mouth to retaliate, but he saw Snape smiling. It was then that he realized that Snape had called James "James". It was the first time he'd ever heard Snape call him something other than "Potter".
"Watch it; you're thawing. Don't drip on me."
"I am not THAWING, Lupin. I'm STATING."
"You're thawing!"
End of Chapter 4
Oooh. . . he's thawing, guys. . . I should have chapter 5 up soon. Contrary to what you probably think now, I'm actually a very slow writer. In the past couple days I've been practically possessed, but I think it's wearing off. . .
"How'd the lesson go?" James asked, slipping a pajama top over his head. Remus was still down in the Common Room, finishing up and essay, but James and Peter were there to grill Sirius on the entire evening.
"Not well. At all."
"Uh oh. Why?"
"We didn't study the lesson at all."
Peter snorted. "That's sometimes an issue, yes."
"Well, it's not that, Pete," Sirius amended, going into the adjoined bathroom to get a glass of water. "We spent the whole time talking about him."
James giggled. "I'm angry. I wear a lot of black. I hate the world. The End." He laughed again. "How many times did you have to repeat THAT to get through a whole hour and a half?"
Sirius glared as he gulped down the water. "That's not quite it," he corrected, setting the empty glass down and crawling into his bed. "We talked a lot about WHY he is the way he is."
James looked moderately interested as he climbed into his own bed. "And what did you learn?"
Sirius sighed. "You know, he says that he likes being lonely. He says that everything is an act and that he doesn't really feel anything because he doesn't care enough to feel. But I know that's wrong."
"How?"
"Have you ever had a conversation with him?"
"No. Not really, anyway."
"He's just. . . he's so smart."
"A lot of smart people are like that," Peter murmured.
"Like what?"
"They separate themselves from everybody. Purposeful isolation. It's weird, you know?"
"Well, yes, but I don't think he really WANTS to be isolated."
James frowned. "Then why would he act the way he does?"
Sirius sighed. "I don't know. I wish I did. I want to help him."
"You want to HELP him?"
"Yes. Strange as this may sound. . . over the past few weeks, I've. . . he's my friend."
"Are you HIS friend?" James asked softly.
Sirius sighed again, rolled over, and turned off the lamp between their two beds. "I don't know," he said, softer than anything he'd said all night. "I really don't know."
The next morning was a Friday. "I don't wanna get up," Sirius moaned from inside his bed.
"You have to," Remus and James replied at the same time.
"No I don't."
"Yeah, you do."
Remus cocked his head. "Sirius, why don't you want to get up?"
"I don't know. I'm tired."
"No you're not. You've been up for an hour, reading under the covers because you thought James and I couldn't see you."
"And you've been WATCHING?"
Remus shrugged. "Just in case you like died or something."
"How would you have known? I wasn't even out of the covers!"
"We were more listening for gurgling sounds indicating that you'd choked and died on your own drool."
"NICE."
"That's what friends are for," Remus replied. "Come on. If there's really something wrong I'll lie for you and say you're sick."
Sirius raised his head from the covers, shocked. "Moony? The PREFECT? Would even CONSIDER lying for someone?"
"If it's important enough."
Sirius sighed and pushed back the blankets so that his head and neck were visible. "I don't want to see Snape today."
"Back to calling him Snape?" Remus asked, coming to sit down at the foot of the bed.
"They had some sort of falling-out last night," James said from the bathroom, straightening his tie. "What I don't get is, how can you have a falling out when you don't care in the first place?"
"Well, that's the thing," Sirius said, replying to James's question but looking at Remus. "I think I might care about him. Sort of. A little. Maybe. In that 'I-care-but-I-really-don't-want-to' type way. Kind of."
"Are you kidding?" Remus asked, having not heard the full story the night before.
"No. I mean, it's not like a lifetime bond thing, but. . . let's just say I'm not going to tease him as much anymore."
Remus closed his eyes thoughtfully. "Well what happened last night?"
Sirius sighed. "I was a moron. I was a complete and total moron, and I'm wishing now that I'd take your advice sometimes and think before I speak."
"Christ, what the hell did you SAY?" Remus demanded.
James, slightly more interested now, came back into the bedroom, toothbrush in hand.
"It wasn't so much what I said as how he reacted."
Remus chuckled in exasperation. "Tell me what HAPPENED, dammit!"
"Basically I told him that he was lonely and that I thought that he could be so much more than what he is now."
"What did HE say?" Remus inquired, his interest now thoroughly peaked.
"He got really mad at me and told me that everything he did was an act and then he told me that he wished he could be more, but then I guess his Snape-ness won out or he got shy or something, because he got even madder and told me that he was happy being alone and left the library."
"Wow."
"It was deep, man. I had to run through the entire conversation like three times in my head before I finally got it." He frowned. "In fact, I'm not sure that I get it all now."
Remus watched his friend for a few seconds before making a decision. "I'm going to lie for you," he announced softly.
"What?"
"I'm a prefect; if I tell McGonagall that you're sick enough to stay in bed all day, you'll be able to without visiting the hospital wing."
"Thanks."
"No problem. But you know you'll have to face him sometime."
"I know. I just don't wanna do it today."
Professor Lector looked over at his class critically. "Hmm," he muttered, more to himself than anyone else. "We're missing two." He squinted. "Who isn't here?"
"Sirius Black, sir, and Andy McKenna." James spoke up.
"Yes. Black. McKenna. Thank you. Split into your workgroups. Who's left partnerless?"
Remus and Severus raised their hands, looked over at each other, and groaned. Professor Lector either ignored it or missed it altogether.
"Very good; Lupin and Snape, you will work together."
"Yes, sir," they both mumbled, and Remus headed over to Severus's desk.
"Why isn't Sirius here today?" he asked, leaning over the desk.
Remus looked up blankly, shocked at both the person asking the question and the manner of the question itself. Snape had asked it like a worried old friend. "Um, he wasn't doing so well when we woke up, so. . ."
"Why?"
"Why what?" Remus asked, almost dropping his cauldron onto himself in amazement.
"What's wrong with him."
"We. . . we don't know. . . I. . ."
"Will he want to come to get tutored tonight?"
Remus raised his eyebrows. "I doubt it."
"Ah." Snape looked down at the textbook. "We need more asphodel."
"Okay," Remus replied quietly, reaching for another handful.
"It's me, isn't it?"
"What?"
"I'm the reason he's not here today, aren't I?"
"Why on Earth would you assume that?"
"Did he tell you what happened last night?"
"No," Remus lied. "What happened?"
"I got angry at him and walked out on him."
"And now you feel bad?"
"No. Hell no. I'm just wondering if that's why he's not here."
"He didn't. . . he was too sick to talk when we left this morning." Remus frowned. 'Lying is bad, Remus. You are going to HELL.'
"Oh. I see. Well then it obviously had nothing to do with me and I'm regretting bringing it up."
"I'm really good at pretending that someone didn't just say something."
"With friends like James and Sirius, you must be."
Remus looked up and opened his mouth to retaliate, but he saw Snape smiling. It was then that he realized that Snape had called James "James". It was the first time he'd ever heard Snape call him something other than "Potter".
"Watch it; you're thawing. Don't drip on me."
"I am not THAWING, Lupin. I'm STATING."
"You're thawing!"
End of Chapter 4
Oooh. . . he's thawing, guys. . . I should have chapter 5 up soon. Contrary to what you probably think now, I'm actually a very slow writer. In the past couple days I've been practically possessed, but I think it's wearing off. . .