This chapter's been up for a while, but when I went to reread it, the first chunk of text was all smooshed, and then I realized that I had emailed that bit to myself when I went from my dad's to my mom's and I forgot to reformat the first chunk. So it ended up all smooshed and I was like "BAH!" (goats go bah; sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell; it was my way of telling my computer to go to hell. . . ). So sorry to any of you who suffered through that disgusting monotony, and thank you to those reading now!

Chapter 9

Severus gasped a little mid-kiss, as the weight of everything he was doing dawned on him. One of his hands was on the back of Sirius's head, pulling him closer- but when had that gotten there? Both disgusted and extremely proud of himself, he pulled away sharply from Sirius's face.

Sirius's mouth never closed. It hung there, just open enough to look dazed, until he spoke. "You. . . you kissed me," he managed to gasp. With that, what seemed like an eternity's worth of emotions barraged him.

//fear love hate affection disgust joy pride//

"Very good, Sirius," Severus replied dryly. Oh God, stay composed. . . stay composed. . .

Of course, he WOULD be sarcastic at a time like this, Sirius thought. Well, if he can stay calm, so can I. "You just. . . caught me off guard."

Severus grinned slightly. "Generally, Sirius, when someone kisses you, you owe them something more than a 'you caught me off guard'."

"Owe?"

"Yes. When someone kisses you for the first time, they're putting all they have on the line. They're so overcome with affection for you that they can't hold it in anymore, so they risk everything they've built with you to let you know that they might like you. . . er. . . differently than you like them."

"Is that what you just did?" Sirius asked softly.

"To be honest with you, I don't know. I have very little experience in love and stuff-"

"Love and stuff. Nice."

"- and so I don't always know how to express what I'm feeling. I don't know if that was a mistake or not."

Sirius gazed at him soulfully. "Did it FEEL like a mistake?"

Without warning, Severus yanked Sirius even closer to him and kissed him again. This time, there was no gasping, Severus felt no disgust. In fact, it felt right. . . incredibly, unbelievably right.

"No," Severus whispered into Sirius's ear, sort of regretting the decision to take his mouth away from Sirius's. "Not a mistake." He looked at the other boy and saw a Sirius he'd never seen before.

Sirius was looking very dazed. His lips were flushed pink, and his eyes were half- lidded. He did, however, look very, very, happy. . . or that might have just been Severus, desperately trying to convince himself that he was interpreting right.

"Sirius," he asked quietly, "what do you think? Mistake? Or do we go on?"

Sirius stared at the man in front of him. Pale skin, unearthly, perhaps, but flawless. In sharp contrast, black hair that had been washed today as a result of a bet involving Sirius passing a Potions exam. "You should know," he began hoarsely, "that I have had no less than seventeen girlfriends this year. You should know that none of the aforementioned girlfriends dated me for more than two weeks. You should know," he continued, not letting Severus get a word in, "that I have a tendency to be insensitive and not know it when I'm close to someone. You should know that I have little or no respect for sexual boundaries, and that every person I've ever dated has had to fight me off at least three times. You should know that I am a complete pain in the ass in the morning, late at night, and through all of most Thursdays. You should know-"

"Okay, hang on. Sirius, you're ALWAYS a pain in the ass." Severus smiled at him. "Are you finished?"

"No, not yet. . ." Sirius shook his head.

"There's MORE?"

"Only one more really important one," Sirius laughed.

"What's that?"

Sirius scooted closer. "I have been attracted to you for approximately the last six weeks." Okay, it's out; there goes your last chance to play this off as an "I'm kidding" moment.

Considering closing his eyes, Sirius contemplated various ways of suicide when Severus didn't answer. Finally, though, he put a hand on Sirius's shoulder and said, "Actually, this works out well, because I've been attracted to you for about the same amount of time. Kiss me?"

Sirius did.

~~

"What are you going to tell James and Remus and Peter?" Severus whispered later that night, after (FINALLY) getting some work done. He and Sirius were packing up their stuff, getting ready to leave the Muggle Studies room and go back to their dormitories.

"I'll tell Remus. . . and maybe James. . . I don't think Peter's quite ready for this," Sirius replied. "And. . . you?"

"I'm not going to tell Lucius."

"Well, what about everyone else?"

"Sirius. Think through this. Other than you and your gang-clan-thing, I have ONE friend. You picked the single most antisocial git on the planet to kiss. I don't even know why you did it."

"You kissed me," Sirius reminded softly. "But if you hadn't, I would have kissed you, because I don't think you're an antisocial git."

"You can't DENY it!"

"I can't deny that you're antisocial, true. But I think you're the nicest, prettiest antisocial person I've ever met, and I don't think you're a git."

Severus smiled.

"And I wouldn't kiss you if I didn't like you. You know, I have this reputation for being a pimp-"

"Don't ever say that again."

"What? Pimp?"

"Yes. It's crude and it's tasteless and I don't ever want you to say it again."

"Okay." Sirius laughed and acquiesced. "Anyway, I have a reputation for being. . . promiscuous," he continued, choosing his words carefully and looking at Severus, eyes twinkling. "But you know, I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you. You've got too much hurt already. Sometimes I think that's all you have."

"What, hurt?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, that's not all I've got. I could learn to care about you a lot, you know."

Sirius smiled and, completely unable to withstand the urge, clapped Severus on the back and pulled him into a ferocious hug.

"Uh, providing you don't choke me to death first."

"Oh. Right."

~~

"Well WE'RE back late," James observed dryly, eyeing Sirius. He sat up in his bed and looked over at Remus, who also sat up. Peter appeared to have fallen asleep. "I don't think you know what time it is, do you?"

"I have no idea," Sirius replied, practically dancing into the room. "To tell you the honest to God truth, I don't CARE."

"It is exactly 11:48 and thirty-eight seconds," Remus remarked, "and that is about two hours later than it SHOULD be when you come traipsing in here."

Sirius shrugged, smiled, and headed into the bathroom.

"What's gotten into him?" Remus wondered aloud as Sirius shut the door.

"I dunno, but I'm going to find out," James announced, and threw the door open.

"Hey, Moony, if that's you, I don't TRAIPSE, thank you very much," a shirtless Sirius called. His back was to the door, and he spun around to further validate his point. "Oh, hi James," he said unnecessarily, waving at his friend. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Right," James replied, grinning widely. Way too widely. "Tell me, darling Padfoot, what were you doing for four hours tonight? Or rather, who?"

Sirius turned around so his back was facing James again. "I wasn't DOING anyone. That's crude, Jamie."

"Sorry. I'm not kidding, though. What were you up to?"

"I was studying with Severus."

James threw his hands up. "N.E.W.T.s are five months away! The Christmas holidays are coming up! Don't feed me that line! I'm not stupid! Was it a girl?"

"No! It was not a girl!"

James grinned and put his hands on his hips. "Okay, fine," he said teasingly, "if you don't want to tell me, I won't press."

"It wasn't a girl!" Sirius shrieked in frustration. "Moony!" he yelled. "Get in here!"

The disheveled blonde shuffled into the room.

"Uh, Moony, I know this is off topic, but. . . those are NOT bunny slippers. . .?"

"And if they are?" he shot back defensively. "They're WARM."

Sirius shrugged. "Whatever cooks your noodle, man," he replied, looking up. "Listen, I have to tell you something."

"What?" Remus asked, looking quite confused as he glanced from James to Sirius in turn.

"Sit," Sirius said to James. "I don't know if you want to be standing when I tell you this."

"Oh, it's THAT kind of news," James grumbled warily under his breath, and sat cross-legged on the bathroom floor. Remus sat on the edge of the bathtub. Both looked expectantly up at Sirius.

"Okay, so today I was gone a long time. . ."

"You THINK?" Remus exclaimed, but James shushed him.

". . . Anyway, Severus and I made cookies."

James nodded with understanding. "And you ate them all. It's okay," he said forgivingly, "I'll just buy some at my next Hogsmeade visit. No big deal."

Sirius stared. "Um, no," he replied carefully. "We weren't going to save any fore you anyway. . ."

James's face fell.

"Anyway. . . so we made cookies, and then we were doing homework, and then. . . andthenweremakgout."

"Uh, what?"

"Weweremakingout."

Remus shook his head. "Do you have to, like, write it down or something?"

"He kissed me!" Sirius screamed. "And I kissed right back, dammit!"

End of Chapter 9