Chapter One: His Name Was…
Lookin' back on my past is like watchin' a movie with the fast forward button jammed on the VCR. Familiar faces, books, classrooms, even department stores race through my head so fast that I sometimes feel as if a Nascar vehicle is zoomin' in front a my eyes. Those weren't the only things runnin' loose in my brain, either. Statements, phrases, dialogues--everythin' from real classy four-letter words ta full-blown speeches shot from one end a my mind ta the other, makin' my temples throb somethin' awful. Just can't express how hard it is ta stay focused on a single event, since they all serve as a reminder of overwhelmin' stupidity--at least on my part, they do. I'm not one to place blame where it's due, so, as an easy way out, I automatically assume whatever happens is my fault. That a way, I don't have ta waste my life tryin' ta get people ta take responsibility for somethin' they have no intention a takin' responsibility for. Life tends ta be better ta deal with then. Weird, but true. Go figure THAT one.
Boy, I seem to remember everythin' at one time, then, in the same breath, I can't recall a damned thing. I go back an' forth on these issues a lot, so deal with me as I attempt ta get everythin' out. As I walk in-step with my buddies an' start ta open my mouth, I begin ta hear somethin'. Then, in a violent rush, here they come--
Whispers.
They're here, rummagin' through my thoughts, circlin' my essence like buzzards goin' in for the kill. I can still hear them, almost as if I was strollin' through the halls a my school now, eavesdroppin' on the queens a gossip. The bitchy pieces act as if I was oblivious to their snide lil' remarks, but I wasn't. I was on to them. Every last one a them.
I dealt with these tramps in the same fashion that I treated most humans (people got to really annoy me after a while, intelligent life forms were rare in my district): I just turned my back, gritted my teeth, made my hand in ta a baseball, and growled to myself that I'd get 'em next time. This was another promise I made ta myself that I knew I'd break (suckie self-esteem and respect made that possible), but I remained optimistic 'bout the whole thing. Little did I know that my whole tough guy façade was crumblin' ta ashes, an' there wasn't an avenue ta prevent that from goin' down. I see myself there, stridin' away from the word duel I badly lost, chewin' my lower lip to try to keep from doin' what I hated showin'. 'Cept the inevitable was comin', I couldn't hold it in any longer, an' I couldn't stand the smack talk anymore. Worst of all, I was in a public place, so I was about to expose a very big weakness to a room full a people who couldn't give a damn whether I lived or died. I felt it, my eyes gettin' all wide an' shiny, the jaw shakin', nails diggin' into my palm as I continued ta grip myself tighter an' tighter. Couldn't help it, couldn't stop it, couldn't just let it the hell loose an' forget about it--
A hand touched my arm, rippin' my attention from my self-destructive ideas. When I snapped my head ta the right, a very wonderful thing occurred that caught me off-guard.
"Are you okay?" came a soft, subtle voice, carryin' genuine concern in its depths.
Don't know what the hell was wrong with my tongue, but my head seemed to be in workin' order. Solemnly, I nodded my head, hopin' ta ease the painful look I witnessed. Honestly, I would have done anythin' ta make a smile appear on that lovely face. It was the kind a face that was so beautiful, so flawless, that I vowed then and there never to bring tears to such a pretty mug.
Then, another great event sprang up--he smiled at me--one that stretched ear-ta-ear in sweet happiness. Oh man, if there was a flower shop close by, I woulda ran all the way there an' back just ta be able ta keep that expression on this sweetheart's mouth. Anythin' for this guy--literally.
An' I mean it, too.
Even now I do.
So that's when the first miracle walked in ta my life. Tall, dark hair, bright eyes, nice smile, good body--all with a swell personality to boot--a very hard person to find then and now. He had a name that echoed in my mind for the rest a the day, all the way up 'till this moment, an' will probably be one of the last thoughts in my head when I'm on my death bed. And his name was--