Since publishing chapter three, I have received a total of…let's see here…carry the two…using the transitive property of multiplication…adjust for inflation…ZERO reviews. Please, change this! I can't tell you how much it means to have complete strangers singing the praises of my work.
I have just come into a huge fortune, care of a man who only identified himself as SSS. As of right now, I own Disney, and Kim Possible, and the entire world! BOW TO ME, MONKEYS!!!
CHAPTER FIVE
"Well, Kim Possible. We meet again. But this time, I have the perfect evil plan. In fact, I have twenty!"
"Those aren't your plans, Señor Senior, Sr. Whatever happened to the villain's code?"
"The villain's code says that evil plans have to be unused and untested. It says nothing about who writes them."
"Look, is all this conversation really necessary?"
"Killigan, a proper villain always taunts his foe before making his move."
"Oh, really? Says who?"
Señor Senior, Sr. tossed a book into Killigan's hands. "I recommend reading 'The Book of Evil'. It's quite enjoyable."
Killigan flipped through the pages before throwing the book on the ground. "Pure rubbish. Whoever wrote this book clearly knows nothing about being evil."
"Oh? And would you care to share your opinions on how a proper villain should behave?"
"Aye." Killigan said, as he dropped a golf ball on the ground in front of him. "A proper villain…slices!" With that last word, Killigan hit the golf ball into a high arc, so that it landed about an inch from Ron's feet. As Ron looked at the ball, he noticed that it was beeping in an eerily familiar way.
"Gaah!!" Ron shouted, jumping out of the way of the explosion.
Killigan hit ball after ball at the good guys on the beach. Kim danced nimbly out of their way; Ron, however, was forced to resort to hiding behind the nearest large object. Unfortunately, that large object happened to be Señor Senior, Jr., who grabbed Ron in a headlock as soon as he realized what had happened.
"Ron!" Kim shouted. She rushed forward to help her friend, but Killigan pressed his nine-iron to his throat.
"I suggest that ye come with us, Kim Possible. After all, we have yer sidekick, and I do nay think that ye'd want anythin' to happen to him."
Once inside Killigan's lair, Ron, Kim, and Rufus were all imprisoned.
"Now, shall
I tell you of which plan I intend to use?"
"Oh, do nay stop to tell her
the plan!"
"Killigan, a proper villain always…"
"Proper, schmoper. All I know is that every time one of us villains goes and blabs abou' our little plan, she wins!"
"Where did you hear that?"
Killigan held up a book, entitled 'The Real Book of Evil, Not that Garbage that the Seniors Read, by Shego."
Señor Senior, Sr. opened the book to the first page and began to read aloud. "'A while back, I was hired by a rich old man who was trying to pass himself off as a super villain. He wanted me to train his son, who was even more pathetic than he was, in the ways of villainy. After getting to know my student, I realized that he had great potential. His father, unfortunately, was too bound to "tradition" to let him do anything right. After some careful research, I traced the source of the problem back to the book from which my wealthy part-time employer got all of his information: "The Book of Evil". From that point, I was determined to keep other villainous hopefuls from making the same mistakes that that guy did. So, I wrote my own book.' This is an outrage! I pay her obscene amounts of money to do what she does best, and this is how she repays me?"
Kim sighed. This was going to take a while.
As I am the author, I decide to invoke my divine, authorial power to make two hours pass really, really quickly.
"What about leaving the hero on a conveyor belt to their doom while you go off and do something else? How come all the villains in the movies do that?"
"Two reasons. One, they were incredibly impatient and wanted to get the world conquering out of the way. And two, the movie villains are, how can I put this…fictional!!!"
"Father? Mr. Killigan?"
"Not now, Junior. Can't you see we're busy having a heated argument over the proper form of villainy?"
"But father…"
"What!?"
"Kim Possible has escaped."
"That's nice, Junior, but I'm really quite busy, so…she WHAT!?!"
"She took out her laser knife and cut through the bars of her cell. You two were too busy arguing to notice."
"And ye did nay stop her…why?"
"Are you kidding? She had a laser knife!"
"Well, why didn't you tell us?"
"I've been trying to for the last half hour!"
"If they only left in the last half hour, they can nay have gotten very far."
"But how are we going to catch them?"
"We?" Killigan chuckled. "We are nay going to do anything. I believe I have a friend who can help us with this. Follow me. I'd like ye to meet her."
The Seniors followed Killigan into his secret underground catacombs. It soon became apparent that the catacombs were actually constructed underneath the ocean surrounding the island. Eventually, Killigan led them to a giant concrete tank.
"Nessie! Here Ness! Here girl! Come to Duff!"
The water began to bubble, and a fishlike, yet reptilian head on a long, sinuous neck rose from the water. It stared at the Seniors, its three-inch teeth bared menacingly. Señor Senior, Sr. and Señor Senior, Jr. both stared at it. They both knew what it was…but it couldn't be! It didn't exist!
Did it?
Don't worry about the story becoming too surreal. You'll understand all in the next chapter. However, if my current review rate doesn't improve, I may not even write a next chapter.