Kim began to smile as she cradled his head in her lap and drifted off to
sleep briefly. As Bobby began to wake up, he felt Kim's arms around him. He
slowly sat up and looked up at Kim who had woken up when she felt him shift
his weight on top of her as he sat up.
"Hey there," she said smiling as she placed her hand on his cheek.
He gently kissed her and pulled her close to him as he said, "Thank you for listening to me earlier."
"No problem," she replied smiling as she relaxed in his embrace.
"After work I'm gonna go take some flowers to his grave, would you come with me?" he asked as he rested his chin on the top of her head.
"Sure," Kim replied softly as she gave his arm a reassuring squeeze.
The two lay in the comfort of each other's embrace for close to an hour till Joey came in. Joey's antics brightened Bobby's mood a little but still today would be a rough one, no matter what happened. As the three of them sat down for breakfast, they chit chatted idly till it was time to go. After dropping off Joey at Kim's mother's apartment they headed off to work. The first part of the day was busy, which helped Bobby keep his mind off of Matty. During their lunch break, they stopped and checked on his mother to make sure she was doing ok. She was in the same kind of state that Bobby had been in earlier that morning, but was trying to keep busy to avoid thinking about it.
After their break was over, the last half of the shift was slow so they returned to the station for a while to wait for a call. As they entered the station, Jimmy headed towards them and said to Kim, "Would it be ok if Joey stayed the weekend with me?"
"I don't have a problem with it," she replied as she looked over at Bobby; "What time do you want us to bring him over?"
"After your shift is over is fine. Then on Monday I'll bring him back to your mothers before I come in to work."
"Sounds good to me." Kim replied smiling, as she began planning what to do over the weekend.
"Thanks," Jimmy said smiling as he gave Kim a quick hug before heading up to lift weights with the rest of the fire fighters.
"I guess we have the weekend to ourselves." Kim said to Bobby as they headed for the TV room of the firehouse.
"What do you want to do over the weekend?" Bobby asked her.
"I was just about ready to ask you the same thing." Kim replied laughing.
When their shift was over, Kim and Bobby went and picked up Joey and helped him get his stuff together for his stay with his father. When they pulled up, they saw Jimmy standing outside waiting on them. Joey gave Kim and Bobby a hug goodbye and followed his father inside out of the cold New York weather. After pulling away from Jimmy's apartment complex, they headed towards the cemetery to drop off the flowers. The two stood in front of his tombstone briefly before they both knelt down and Bobby began to recite something in Spanish.
"Usted sabría el secreto de la muerte. ¿Pero cómo lo encontrará usted a menos que usted lo buscará en el corazón de la vida? El búho cuya noche salta ojos son ciegas al día no puede destapar el misterio de la luz. Si usted percibiría verdaderamente el espíritu de la muerte, abre el corazón lejos al cuerpo de la vida. Para la vida y la muerte son uno, aún como el río y el mar son uno. Pero usted ha sido tan fiel, así que confiando, así que verdadero. Aunque había tiempo usted hizo algunas cosas que usted supo que usted debido'T hace. Y usted ha sido perdonado y ahora por FIN usted're-liberta."
She heard his voice begin to crack and put her arm around his shoulders as he finished what he was saying. She watched as some tears began to fall down his face as he finished and stood up. She took his hand in hers as they walked back towards the car.
They drove in silence back to their apartment until Bobby glanced over at Kim and said, "Thank you for going with me to the cemetery, I doubt I could have gone alone."
"You don't have to go through anything alone." She said softly, squeezing his hand gently.
As they returned home and entered their apartment, Bobby headed for the sofa while Kim went and put her stuff in their room and stopped and got out two cans of beer and returned to the living room to sit with Bobby. She passed him the can and put her arm around his shoulder as a few tears made their way down his face. She placed her can down on the table and wiped away his tears with her hands. She hated seeing him upset like this because a part of her felt his pain. She whispered soft words of comfort as she did her best to help him get through this.
"The best way to remember Matty is to remember all the good times the two of you had together before he got into drugs." Kim whispered softly.
A small smile appeared on his face as he listened to what she had just said. She gently held his tear streaked face in her hands and tenderly kissed him. The memories of Matty slowly began to fade away as he deeply returned the kiss she'd given to him. Several hours' later moonlight shone through the window of their room as she gently rested her head on his chest. He brushed a strand of hair back away from her face and said, "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't made it through everything that happened last year."
"Like I told you before, I love you too much to ever leave you." she said softly.
A month later Bobby's mother called and said that one of his sisters was moving back to New York from Virginia. Bobby took some time off from work to go down and help her move. Kim stayed in New York and took care of Joey and continued working while he was gone. It was awkward not having him around for close to two weeks but she counted her blessings that she was working with Alex and not Carlos while he was gone.
While working with Alex they talked nonstop about all kinds of stuff. Towards the end of the first week she noticed that she was starting to fatigue more easily than she had in the past, she also had a odd feeling in the pit of her stomach. Alex thought she looked a bit paler than normal and became concerned. When Alex asked if she was feeling ok, it hit Kim what could be causing the changes she'd started to feel. She closed her eyes and placed her right hand over her stomach and thought of Bobby who was still in Virginia with his sister. Several minutes later she felt Alex's hand on her shoulder and came back to her senses.
"Kim, what's wrong?" Alex asked, obviously worried about her partner.
Kim looked over at Alex and saw her worried expression and said, "I think I know what's going on."
"Wanna fill me in?" she asked.
"Would you stop at the store on the next block?" Kim asked, hoping Alex didn't wonder why they were stopping.
"Sure, but what for?" Alex asked as she tried to figure out what was going on.
"Just thirsty that's all." Kim replied, not wanting to say anything till she had definite answers to her suspicions.
As Alex stopped the bus, Kim got out and picked up two sodas as well as a pregnancy test. After paying for the items she put the test in her purse and carried the two sodas back to the bus. As she made her way back, she felt extremely lightheaded and had to stop for a second before she climbed back into the passenger seat. When she climbed back in Alex asked, "Are you sure you're ok? Do you want to go back to the station for a bit since there hasn't been a call?"
"I just got really lightheaded that's all. If you want to head back that's fine" Kim replied, still feeling a bit faint.
Several minutes later they pulled up at the station when Alex said, "Let me check your blood pressure to make sure everything's ok."
Kim nodded her head in approval and let Alex take her blood pressure before they went in the station.
"When we get inside you need to lay down. The lightheadedness is from a slight touch of hypotension." Alex said as she helped Kim inside.
As they headed past the kitchen of the firehouse, several of the guys were cooking something that had a really obnoxious odor to it. Kim looked at Alex and said faintly, "I think I'm going to be sick." They hurried past the kitchen and got her upstairs. Away from the rank odor Kim's stomach began to settle down and the lightheadedness began to go away as she lay on one of the bunks with Alex sitting close by.
"Are you feeling any better?" Alex asked as she handed her a bottle of water one of the guys had brought up for her.
"A little." Kim replied as she slowly sat up for a bit.
"Are you going to tell me what's up?" Alex asked concerned.
"Don't say anything yet to anyone else, but I think I might be pregnant." Kim replied as she lay back down on her side facing Alex.
"Have you taken a test yet?" Alex asked softly since one of the firefighters was coming up the stairs.
Kim shook her head no and Alex replied, "When we take our lunch break you've got to find out for sure."
"Do you have a test yet?" Alex asked once they were alone.
"Yeah, I picked it up when I got the soda's." Kim replied as she slowly stood up.
Several hours later the two of them left the station and headed out to lunch. Kim tried to eat but it wasn't settling with her stomach at all. Before they left, Kim headed to take the test while Alex waited on her outside. As she waited for the results of the test all she could think about was Bobby. She glanced nervously at her watch and fiddled with her necklace as she waited for time to elapse. When time was up she looked at the test as tears of joy fell from her eyes. She was going to be a mother again, which excited her. She discarded the test and freshened up a bit before heading out to join Alex in the bus. Alex sat nervously in the driver's seat of the bus waiting on Kim. All Kim thought about as she walked out to join Alex was how soon Bobby would return from Virginia so she could tell him the good news.
As she climbed into the passenger seat, Alex looked over nervously at her and said, "What did you find out?"
Kim looked over at Alex and saw the anxiety on her face as she waited to hear the results of the test.
"It was positive. Bobby and I are having our first baby together." Kim said cheerfully as she saw the look of happiness cross her friends face.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so happy for you two." Alex exclaimed as she gave Kim a hug.
"Don't tell anyone back at the station, because I want to tell Bobby myself before everyone else finds out."
"I won't say a word. How soon will Bobby be back?" Alex asked as they pulled out into traffic.
"He should hopefully be back by the end of the week." Kim replied, as she anxiously counted down the days till he came home.
"You know he's going to be ecstatic when you tell him." Alex said smiling.
"I know." Kim replied softly as images of Bobby and their future child flashed before her eyes.
Bobby returned to New York late Friday evening and headed down to the station to see what was going on. Kim and Alex were gone on a run so he left a message for her with Jimmy and headed to check on his mother to make sure she was ok till Kim got off from work. The rest of their shift was slow so Kim and Alex returned to the station to wait on another call. Kim saw Jimmy sitting on the front of one of the trucks holding a piece of paper in his hand. He heard doors close and looked up to see Kim and Alex headed in.
"Hey Kimmy got something for ya." Jimmy called out to her.
"Really?" she asked, as Alex went on upstairs.
"Yep, a note from Bobby." he replied as he passed her the paper and headed up to join the guys.
She took the paper from Jimmy and unfolded it and sat on the truck and read what it said. Alex removed a can of soda and a bottle of water from the fridge and went back towards Kim. As she headed down the stairs she saw Kim reading the note and decided to wait till she'd finished reading before she headed over. As she refolded the note and put it in her pocket Alex came over and passed her a bottle of water and said, "You looking forward to telling him the good news?"
"You have no idea." Kim replied as she and Alex went to go sit and talk away from the guys.
"Any idea how far along you are?" Alex asked softly.
"Probably about four weeks, although I'm surprised I didn't catch the signs sooner." she replied as she looked down at her watch, counting down till she'd see Bobby again.
After their shift was over, she was relieved to finally be able to go home. The week had left her physically and emotionally drained, but all that mattered was that Bobby was back home. Alex and Kim left the station and talked briefly before heading their separate ways. When she got home, she saw Jimmy sitting outside on the steps waiting on her. She knew he was here to pick up Joey for the weekend and the two of them headed up to her mother's apartment. Joey came running when he heard the front door open and saw his mother and father come through the door. As Jimmy shut the front door, Kim bent down and gave her son a hug and a kiss on the cheek and said, "Do you have your stuff ready?"
"Yep," the little boy replied happily as Jimmy picked him up.
Joey and his father headed off to get his stuff while Kim sat down on the couch slowly, feeling another bout of lightheadedness set in and began to talk to her mother. Jimmy and Joey returned to the living room with Joey's stuff and said, "We'd better be going." He'd noticed the look of exhaustion in Kim's eyes and thought she looked a bit pale, and assumed it was from work. Jimmy gently kissed her on the forehead and said, "Are you feeling ok? You look pale."
"I'm fine, just really tired that's all." she replied as she slowly stood up and headed to the door with them.
After they left, she finished up talking to her mother and left to head up to her apartment to rest and to wait on Bobby so she could tell him that he soon would be a father.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Translation for verse in spanish
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day
cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death,
open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one,
even as the river and the sea are one.
But you have been so faithful, so trusting, so true.
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do.
And you have been forgiven and now at last you're free.
"Hey there," she said smiling as she placed her hand on his cheek.
He gently kissed her and pulled her close to him as he said, "Thank you for listening to me earlier."
"No problem," she replied smiling as she relaxed in his embrace.
"After work I'm gonna go take some flowers to his grave, would you come with me?" he asked as he rested his chin on the top of her head.
"Sure," Kim replied softly as she gave his arm a reassuring squeeze.
The two lay in the comfort of each other's embrace for close to an hour till Joey came in. Joey's antics brightened Bobby's mood a little but still today would be a rough one, no matter what happened. As the three of them sat down for breakfast, they chit chatted idly till it was time to go. After dropping off Joey at Kim's mother's apartment they headed off to work. The first part of the day was busy, which helped Bobby keep his mind off of Matty. During their lunch break, they stopped and checked on his mother to make sure she was doing ok. She was in the same kind of state that Bobby had been in earlier that morning, but was trying to keep busy to avoid thinking about it.
After their break was over, the last half of the shift was slow so they returned to the station for a while to wait for a call. As they entered the station, Jimmy headed towards them and said to Kim, "Would it be ok if Joey stayed the weekend with me?"
"I don't have a problem with it," she replied as she looked over at Bobby; "What time do you want us to bring him over?"
"After your shift is over is fine. Then on Monday I'll bring him back to your mothers before I come in to work."
"Sounds good to me." Kim replied smiling, as she began planning what to do over the weekend.
"Thanks," Jimmy said smiling as he gave Kim a quick hug before heading up to lift weights with the rest of the fire fighters.
"I guess we have the weekend to ourselves." Kim said to Bobby as they headed for the TV room of the firehouse.
"What do you want to do over the weekend?" Bobby asked her.
"I was just about ready to ask you the same thing." Kim replied laughing.
When their shift was over, Kim and Bobby went and picked up Joey and helped him get his stuff together for his stay with his father. When they pulled up, they saw Jimmy standing outside waiting on them. Joey gave Kim and Bobby a hug goodbye and followed his father inside out of the cold New York weather. After pulling away from Jimmy's apartment complex, they headed towards the cemetery to drop off the flowers. The two stood in front of his tombstone briefly before they both knelt down and Bobby began to recite something in Spanish.
"Usted sabría el secreto de la muerte. ¿Pero cómo lo encontrará usted a menos que usted lo buscará en el corazón de la vida? El búho cuya noche salta ojos son ciegas al día no puede destapar el misterio de la luz. Si usted percibiría verdaderamente el espíritu de la muerte, abre el corazón lejos al cuerpo de la vida. Para la vida y la muerte son uno, aún como el río y el mar son uno. Pero usted ha sido tan fiel, así que confiando, así que verdadero. Aunque había tiempo usted hizo algunas cosas que usted supo que usted debido'T hace. Y usted ha sido perdonado y ahora por FIN usted're-liberta."
She heard his voice begin to crack and put her arm around his shoulders as he finished what he was saying. She watched as some tears began to fall down his face as he finished and stood up. She took his hand in hers as they walked back towards the car.
They drove in silence back to their apartment until Bobby glanced over at Kim and said, "Thank you for going with me to the cemetery, I doubt I could have gone alone."
"You don't have to go through anything alone." She said softly, squeezing his hand gently.
As they returned home and entered their apartment, Bobby headed for the sofa while Kim went and put her stuff in their room and stopped and got out two cans of beer and returned to the living room to sit with Bobby. She passed him the can and put her arm around his shoulder as a few tears made their way down his face. She placed her can down on the table and wiped away his tears with her hands. She hated seeing him upset like this because a part of her felt his pain. She whispered soft words of comfort as she did her best to help him get through this.
"The best way to remember Matty is to remember all the good times the two of you had together before he got into drugs." Kim whispered softly.
A small smile appeared on his face as he listened to what she had just said. She gently held his tear streaked face in her hands and tenderly kissed him. The memories of Matty slowly began to fade away as he deeply returned the kiss she'd given to him. Several hours' later moonlight shone through the window of their room as she gently rested her head on his chest. He brushed a strand of hair back away from her face and said, "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't made it through everything that happened last year."
"Like I told you before, I love you too much to ever leave you." she said softly.
A month later Bobby's mother called and said that one of his sisters was moving back to New York from Virginia. Bobby took some time off from work to go down and help her move. Kim stayed in New York and took care of Joey and continued working while he was gone. It was awkward not having him around for close to two weeks but she counted her blessings that she was working with Alex and not Carlos while he was gone.
While working with Alex they talked nonstop about all kinds of stuff. Towards the end of the first week she noticed that she was starting to fatigue more easily than she had in the past, she also had a odd feeling in the pit of her stomach. Alex thought she looked a bit paler than normal and became concerned. When Alex asked if she was feeling ok, it hit Kim what could be causing the changes she'd started to feel. She closed her eyes and placed her right hand over her stomach and thought of Bobby who was still in Virginia with his sister. Several minutes later she felt Alex's hand on her shoulder and came back to her senses.
"Kim, what's wrong?" Alex asked, obviously worried about her partner.
Kim looked over at Alex and saw her worried expression and said, "I think I know what's going on."
"Wanna fill me in?" she asked.
"Would you stop at the store on the next block?" Kim asked, hoping Alex didn't wonder why they were stopping.
"Sure, but what for?" Alex asked as she tried to figure out what was going on.
"Just thirsty that's all." Kim replied, not wanting to say anything till she had definite answers to her suspicions.
As Alex stopped the bus, Kim got out and picked up two sodas as well as a pregnancy test. After paying for the items she put the test in her purse and carried the two sodas back to the bus. As she made her way back, she felt extremely lightheaded and had to stop for a second before she climbed back into the passenger seat. When she climbed back in Alex asked, "Are you sure you're ok? Do you want to go back to the station for a bit since there hasn't been a call?"
"I just got really lightheaded that's all. If you want to head back that's fine" Kim replied, still feeling a bit faint.
Several minutes later they pulled up at the station when Alex said, "Let me check your blood pressure to make sure everything's ok."
Kim nodded her head in approval and let Alex take her blood pressure before they went in the station.
"When we get inside you need to lay down. The lightheadedness is from a slight touch of hypotension." Alex said as she helped Kim inside.
As they headed past the kitchen of the firehouse, several of the guys were cooking something that had a really obnoxious odor to it. Kim looked at Alex and said faintly, "I think I'm going to be sick." They hurried past the kitchen and got her upstairs. Away from the rank odor Kim's stomach began to settle down and the lightheadedness began to go away as she lay on one of the bunks with Alex sitting close by.
"Are you feeling any better?" Alex asked as she handed her a bottle of water one of the guys had brought up for her.
"A little." Kim replied as she slowly sat up for a bit.
"Are you going to tell me what's up?" Alex asked concerned.
"Don't say anything yet to anyone else, but I think I might be pregnant." Kim replied as she lay back down on her side facing Alex.
"Have you taken a test yet?" Alex asked softly since one of the firefighters was coming up the stairs.
Kim shook her head no and Alex replied, "When we take our lunch break you've got to find out for sure."
"Do you have a test yet?" Alex asked once they were alone.
"Yeah, I picked it up when I got the soda's." Kim replied as she slowly stood up.
Several hours later the two of them left the station and headed out to lunch. Kim tried to eat but it wasn't settling with her stomach at all. Before they left, Kim headed to take the test while Alex waited on her outside. As she waited for the results of the test all she could think about was Bobby. She glanced nervously at her watch and fiddled with her necklace as she waited for time to elapse. When time was up she looked at the test as tears of joy fell from her eyes. She was going to be a mother again, which excited her. She discarded the test and freshened up a bit before heading out to join Alex in the bus. Alex sat nervously in the driver's seat of the bus waiting on Kim. All Kim thought about as she walked out to join Alex was how soon Bobby would return from Virginia so she could tell him the good news.
As she climbed into the passenger seat, Alex looked over nervously at her and said, "What did you find out?"
Kim looked over at Alex and saw the anxiety on her face as she waited to hear the results of the test.
"It was positive. Bobby and I are having our first baby together." Kim said cheerfully as she saw the look of happiness cross her friends face.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so happy for you two." Alex exclaimed as she gave Kim a hug.
"Don't tell anyone back at the station, because I want to tell Bobby myself before everyone else finds out."
"I won't say a word. How soon will Bobby be back?" Alex asked as they pulled out into traffic.
"He should hopefully be back by the end of the week." Kim replied, as she anxiously counted down the days till he came home.
"You know he's going to be ecstatic when you tell him." Alex said smiling.
"I know." Kim replied softly as images of Bobby and their future child flashed before her eyes.
Bobby returned to New York late Friday evening and headed down to the station to see what was going on. Kim and Alex were gone on a run so he left a message for her with Jimmy and headed to check on his mother to make sure she was ok till Kim got off from work. The rest of their shift was slow so Kim and Alex returned to the station to wait on another call. Kim saw Jimmy sitting on the front of one of the trucks holding a piece of paper in his hand. He heard doors close and looked up to see Kim and Alex headed in.
"Hey Kimmy got something for ya." Jimmy called out to her.
"Really?" she asked, as Alex went on upstairs.
"Yep, a note from Bobby." he replied as he passed her the paper and headed up to join the guys.
She took the paper from Jimmy and unfolded it and sat on the truck and read what it said. Alex removed a can of soda and a bottle of water from the fridge and went back towards Kim. As she headed down the stairs she saw Kim reading the note and decided to wait till she'd finished reading before she headed over. As she refolded the note and put it in her pocket Alex came over and passed her a bottle of water and said, "You looking forward to telling him the good news?"
"You have no idea." Kim replied as she and Alex went to go sit and talk away from the guys.
"Any idea how far along you are?" Alex asked softly.
"Probably about four weeks, although I'm surprised I didn't catch the signs sooner." she replied as she looked down at her watch, counting down till she'd see Bobby again.
After their shift was over, she was relieved to finally be able to go home. The week had left her physically and emotionally drained, but all that mattered was that Bobby was back home. Alex and Kim left the station and talked briefly before heading their separate ways. When she got home, she saw Jimmy sitting outside on the steps waiting on her. She knew he was here to pick up Joey for the weekend and the two of them headed up to her mother's apartment. Joey came running when he heard the front door open and saw his mother and father come through the door. As Jimmy shut the front door, Kim bent down and gave her son a hug and a kiss on the cheek and said, "Do you have your stuff ready?"
"Yep," the little boy replied happily as Jimmy picked him up.
Joey and his father headed off to get his stuff while Kim sat down on the couch slowly, feeling another bout of lightheadedness set in and began to talk to her mother. Jimmy and Joey returned to the living room with Joey's stuff and said, "We'd better be going." He'd noticed the look of exhaustion in Kim's eyes and thought she looked a bit pale, and assumed it was from work. Jimmy gently kissed her on the forehead and said, "Are you feeling ok? You look pale."
"I'm fine, just really tired that's all." she replied as she slowly stood up and headed to the door with them.
After they left, she finished up talking to her mother and left to head up to her apartment to rest and to wait on Bobby so she could tell him that he soon would be a father.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Translation for verse in spanish
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day
cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death,
open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one,
even as the river and the sea are one.
But you have been so faithful, so trusting, so true.
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do.
And you have been forgiven and now at last you're free.