Disclaimer: Sailor Moon doesn't belong to me. I'm not making any money off this. Don't sue me.
Author's Notes: Well, I seem to be fandom hopping. At any rate, I was tired of reading fanfiction tonight, so I decided to write some. I opted for a Sailor Moon fic. I'm fascinated by the idea of love that Sailor Moon represents. The characters all have this idealized kind of love in a highly tragic style. These terrible things are always happening, but they still love each other throughout millennia. Isn't that just incredibly appealing? Ah, l'amour.
Oh, and I love reviews. If I receive any, I may write a little more, although I had originally intended to leave this as a one-shot vignette.
The Moment of Surrender
By Jenni
Four years before she ever met him, Rei knew how he would die. Meditating by the sacred fire in her temple on a summer evening, a chilling disquiet seized her, and opening her eyes she stared transfixed into the white center of the flames before her. There his handsome face appeared, a vision so irresistible even then that she had drawn dangerously close to the heat and burned her fingers. To this day she remembers the pain that sent her reeling back into reality. But had not erased the imprint of her doom and his, which, etched upon her memory forever, seemed like a faded tapestry unfolded before her. The details had lain in shadow, perhaps, but they were there, and the new feelings they evoked overpowered her. For a long time she had sat in silent self-reflection, and only when morning had come did she rise to her aching feet and feel her legs pricking from disuse. In the warming light of a promising day, the fears of the night vanished, and the face she had seen was just another man among hundreds she had seen before. She decided then that she would fight destiny.
But four years was a long time, and she had been so young then and so naïve. She hadn't learned what it was to be held in a man's strong arms and to feel his breath against her cheek as he cried her name in ecstacy. She hadn't known what a miracle it was to see his eyes alight with love—or to know that she alone gave his life purpose. She hadn't known that his smile would be crooked or that he would run his fingers through his hair when he was nervous or that his temper would flare whenever she teased him, but he would remain preternaturally cool when she dealt him a real insult. . . . She liked that about him.
Now, as she stands in the solitary palace gardens on a summer night not unlike that one, she relives that haunting apocalyptic premonition. Far removed from the revels of the ballroom and the laughter of her friends, she is able to regain her composure and consider the events of the past month with wonder and terror. Her heart pounds as she remembers lying in Jaedite's arms the evening before. How is it possible that after all she knows that she still cannot stop herself from loving him?
Is she betraying her duty by wanting to return to the palace and fall once again into his embrace?
Is it right to savor these days while they last, or should she fight it?
Should she warn the others of the disaster they all court?
The sound of footsteps behind her, followed by his hovering silhouette upon the marble fountain cut into the torch-light emanating from the palace, cause her to straighten. Knowing who it is, Rei feels the approaching danger, but she does not turn immediately. She cannot bring herself to face him yet.
"Milady?" he asks, half whispers. It is indeed Jaedite, and his voice is full of tremulous, undeclared love that makes her shiver.
"General," she greets him, keeping her voice even.
"Still so formal?" he laughs, coming closer.
Rei shrugs him off, pushes him away. "Please, I wish to be alone."
A long silence follows before he works up the courage to ask, "Did last night mean nothing to you?"
She wraps her arms about herself, takes a step toward the fountain and does not answer.
Had she felt this hopeless when she first saw him—not in the flames, but him—kneeling to her Queen? When his cerulean eyes had looked upon her in shock because she had struck him? The kiss in the hall, perhaps, and the passion that had followed.
But all these were physical things. Her destiny would not be made through lust. What was it that made her love inevitable? Why did it burn so strongly within her, though she knew where it would lead? Why couldn't destiny be changed?
"I thought . . . " says the man behind her, "I thought it did."
Still she does not turn.
"Rei?"
"I saw you in the flames," she tells him, finally. "You know what kinds of things I see there. Portents of evil and darkness."
And he understands what she is really saying because he knows her as a man seldom knows a woman. But he does not know what she saw.
"When?"
"Many years ago. . . . I asked the fire to show me the man I would love."
Though she has not turned to face him, she feels his pleasure at her words, and it disturbs her that her vision might make anyone feel happy.
"Then why are you afraid? Didn't the flames tell you I would love you in return?"
"Yes," she answered. "And they told me other things as well. Horrible things await us in the future. Betrayal…"
Nothing is between them but silence for a long time. His breathing is deep and controlled, but once she hears him shudder.
"And I . . . I do this."
She turns at last, to see those eyes staring into hers. They hold the blue of the sea, and tonight they hold much more, for he knows what she has seen. Now they hold the weight of atrocities not yet committed, the shame and the horror that he will not feel when they are truly accomplished, and she is moved to pity. In this moment she forgives what has not yet come to pass. In this moment she surrenders to fate.
"Hold me," she tells him. He is confused, but complies and comes to her. She feels the warmth of his embrace. The uncertainty of her sudden change of heart is evident in the tentative way he touches her. She feels his nervousness and fear. She feels his goodness.
In the future, she knows, she will regret this decision. The flames had told her of a great sorrow.
They hadn't told her she wouldn't care.
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