Disclaimer: All PotC characters belong to Disney, not me.
Author's Notes: Thanks to all who read my wee fic, and massive thanks to anyone who read and reviewed and offered suggestions, whether at ff.net or elsewhere! I wasn't planning on making this little sketch anything more than a one-off, but you've planted the seed, and so now I shall continue on and see what happens at Elizabeth's odd little dinner party. Expect to see at least Will and Gibbs and most likely Gov. Swann in the near future. Who knows?
As an aside I feel I must make to assuage my own guilt, there's nothing even vaguely historically accurate about this fic. Zilch. It's wildly anachronistic, I know. I am currently doing penance fort hat in my own private historian's hell. There. I said it. Now for fun.
"Damn it all you like, Jack," Elizabeth shot back, slowly crossing her arms and drawing herself up to her full height, "You're not leaving this table until you eat."
She squared her jaw, "You tortured me for weeks with your endless ribbing, your jibing, your varied and numerous taunts and teases with regard to my skill in the kitchen. And so now we see that yes, the rich girl can cook…that she is very well and able to cook, and you, Captain Sparrow," Elizabeth paused for effect and leaned in towards him again, dropping her voice to a whisper as her eyes bore holes through his, "You will consume every morsel I set before you. Fair is fair, Captain. You've lost your wager, and I've won. Now…let's begin with the calamari, shall we? --- or if you prefer, the squid."
Elizabeth plucked the tentacled for from Jack's limp fingers and pruned a single arm from the body. Holding the tiny arm daintily between thumb and forefinger, she lowered it towards Jack's stricken face. His eyes registered a terror so pure and exquisite that Elizabeth was tempted to linger there for several minutes longer. Or hours. One tended to lose all track of time while engaged in enjoyable activities.
"Open wide, Captain," Elizabeth crooned.
"Now, hang on a minute…let's not be hasty, luv'…" Jack waved his hands in the air pathetically and tried in vain to regain his composure as the squid tentacle moved closer to his lips, "Elizabeth…let's be reasonable here, darling…" He slid back suddenly to make a run for it and the chair hit the wall behind him, hard. His eyes widened in grim realization.
No escape.
Trapped like a sparrow.
"Don't you 'darling' me, Jack," Elizabeth growled, very much enjoying herself at this point, "Open your vile pirate mouth." She dusted off her villainous grin for another go, "Let's see a full set of those gummy golden choppers, Captain…"
She was leaning on him now, one hand pressed squarely in the middle of his chest, the other dangling the offending piece of calamari above his lips.
Jack, crushed between chef and squid, and chair and wall, let out a miserable little despairing sigh and obediently opened his mouth, slamming his dark eyes shut and clutching the seat of his chair like a drowning man grasping at a floating board.
In went the calamari. Jack shuddered and wilted visibly.
"Chew," instructed Elizabeth, still pressing on him.
"Ermph," said Jack, mouth full and closed, completely immobile.
"Chew," demanded Elizabeth, giving the pirate a small shove.
"Uhhnnk…" replied Jack, the colour draining from his face, his eyes still screwed shut.
"Chew, Sparrow!" Elizabeth heaved Jack up into an upright sitting position, "C'mon, CHEW!" She let go of him and stood back.
Jack wavered for a moment, made a completely indecipherable reply, and promptly passed out. His forehead hit the table with an emphatic clonk.
Elizabeth sighed.
"Oh dear," she said, chewing her lip thoughtfully.
(to be continued…)