AUTHOR'S NOTE: And it's going to end soon! I CAN DO IT! But not anytime soon. Going up to college. Update might take longer than usual. STILL! Thank you all for your support. I hope you enjoy reading.
DISCLAIMER: Still don't own. Ah well. C'est la vie.
MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE
"I'll take an ice tea…"
"You sure?" The female barkeep raised her brow curiously. "You look like you could use something a bit stronger."
Urd smiled softly to herself. Yes, she probably could use something stronger…except that it had been a long time since she had let herself indulge in that petty vice again. In fact, ever since she had received her First Degree License, there had been so many things she had refused herself…
She wondered was it really worth it. For the longest time Urd had wanted the First Degree…had made it a set goal in her life. Now that it was hers, it seemed like such a moot point. Belldandy had not been there to cheer her effort, and Skuld had stopped talking to her for a long time. It was a pity. She missed having that brat around. It let her know that some things in life remained constant.
But things changed. Events spiraled out of her control too quickly.
Power, it seemed, did not allow her anymore control than the past. All it did was give her more responsibilities. More responsibilities and a clearer understanding that perhaps she had not fully understood the consequences of her actions.
For a year…a painful long year she had begun her First Class training. Come to think of it, right when Belldandy's soul malaise had reached critical stages. For a year, she had spent pouring over material she had long passed by: Chaos Programming, Elemental Studies, Hybrid Theology…stuff she still didn't understand why she learned. But she had. With Peorth's help, she had barely passed the qualification exams through the skin of her teeth.
Belldandy died right before her main qualification exam. She died peacefully on Earth by the man she had chosen to spend a shortened eternity with.
And Urd…she was in Heaven…passing an exam when her dearest sister was passing away. Belldandy had died where she wasn't.
It was a revelation Urd wish she had sooner.
She should have been there. Not in Heaven. Belldandy was so much more important than any license could ever have been…she was her dearest younger sister. She was supposed to be there, eyes flush with tears of happiness and pride, as her older sister finally accepted the title that had taken her so long to acquire. But she wasn't there…and the bittersweet tang of her misplaced priority never left Urd's mouth.
She had returned to Earth and realized that in her absence, the sky had fallen. Skuld didn't think twice before running back to Heaven. Urd, who had spent the last year pursuing her selfish dream there, was suddenly very sick of the pearly gates. She had stayed for Belldandy's mortal funeral…and watched Keiichi change overnight.
His ready smile vanished and it was as if fifty years had settled on his back. He immediately dropped out of his Master's course...he had been considering applying for a Doctorate afterwards. And before Urd could blink twice, he had packed his bags and was preparing to move out of the temple. Skuld had protested but Urd had finally gone with her better judgment and offered to stay on Earth with him.
It wasn't fair for Keiichi to place all the blame, all the hardships on his back. But he had done so anyway. With a wane smile and a shake of his head, Keiichi refused and as tactfully as he could, erased her from his life…and she let him. She returned to Heaven and called him on the telephone when what she should have done was told him to stop being an idiot and force him to realize that she would not fade when he closed his eyes.
It…it was something to regret.
She fell out with Skuld shortly after that. They had never gotten along very well, and without Belldandy to balance the scales, their relationship disintegrated. Skuld never forgave her for choosing to stay with Keiichi instead of her…and Urd knew it was only too true. So once again, she turned around and walked away. It may not have been the right thing to do…but it was the way she chose…right or not.
She called Keiichi so often afterwards that Peorth had to discreetly remind her of her duties as a Goddess on several occasions. Thankfully Keiichi never grew tired of her voice…and naturally, she had never tired of his.
The most mistakes she had ever made in her life…were the mistakes she had made when she was a First Class Goddess. There was irony there. Always.
She had thought too much back then. Thought too much when she should have followed her intuition. Even though her irrationality had led her to make countless errors in judgment, her heart had never led her completely astray. The mistakes she made could be fixed…could be mended. The same couldn't be said now…and the worst part was that she had willingly watched it fall apart…she had watched with both eyes open as she gave away her happiness in a box.
It was supposed to be the best thing to do…supposed to have her best intentions. It should have been good enough for her, and it should have been good enough for Fate.
But somewhere along the line, it didn't work like that. It didn't work at all.
"Ma'am…"
Lightly interrupting, the barkeep's voice nonetheless jolted her away from her thoughts. Shaking her head in embarrassment Urd replied, "I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention."
"Don't worry. Here."
A frosty glass slid along the counter and stopped in front of her outstretched hand. Looking up in confusion, Urd replied, "This isn't what I ordered."
"I know. It's on the house." Pouring a shot for herself, the barkeep brought a stool from the other side and sat directly in front of her. The dim light of the bar was masking but did little against the woman's blonde curling locks that covered most of her face. Her voice was husky and sounded very soothing…for the strangest reason. "I don't think ice tea is going to do much to help."
"And getting drunk will?"
"For the short term." Brushing her glass against Urd's with a slight chink, the barkeep raised the glass to her lips. "Cheers."
"…cheers." Chuckling softly, Urd brought the glass to her lips and took a nice, long swallow. The alcohol flowed easily through her throat and warmed her stomach. It was a reminiscent feeling. "I've forgotten how much I sometimes missed this."
"Yeah, I know how you feel. Some things we take for granted. Then when it's gone, you don't know how to go about fixing the situation." The barkeep laughed. "It's kinda sad isn't it? But we think too much and all that happens is we make ourselves depressed. Just knock back a drink and see where it goes from there."
"It's sad. It really is." Urd raised her head slightly, "I don't know…I should know what to do. I've always known what to do. And even when I didn't, I could at least bluff my way out. Now, it's all just a blur. How come things change so fast? Why can't the stay the same…for just a little while longer?"
"Probably because we think too much. We try so hard to analyze everything to its last detail so that when we finally get an answer, things have changed too much to use it." The barkeep re-filled Urd's glass. "Sometimes we can't afford to be so spontaneous…or that ridiculous…but I wish we could again. It seemed more fun."
"Fun?" The ice on the side of the glass bit into her palm and quickly slicked into water. Leaving a ring on the side of the bar, Urd gently traced the pattern with her finger. "Yeah, it probably would be. You seem used to this…do you get a lot of people coming her complaining to you?"
"No. Most of them just come here to drink until they pass out. The rest just don't make much sense." The barkeep chuckled, "None of them come in here asking for ice tea."
"They shouldn't. It is a damn bar, right?" Laughing along with her, Urd sighed softly. "Yeah…it's just that I don't want to pass out yet…I still have so much I have to do. But I don't know how to do it…and I don't know when to do it."
"Why is it all up to you?"
"Because I made a promise." Urd responded simply. "And I don't break a promise…because if I did, I'd be lying. I can't do that. Not anymore. And not to the person I made the promise to."
"I see." Letting the talk die for awhile, the two women simply drank together in the soothing dark as they waited for the conversation to begin anew. Although the alcohol was a bit strong, Urd shunted just enough of it away to keep the world slightly fuzzy. The barkeep asked quietly, "Your promise…was it to someone special?"
"…yeah." Urd ran a hand through her hair and brushed away the locks in front of her eyes. "She was really important to me."
"…was…" The barkeep bowed her head softly. "I'm sorry to hear that. My condolences."
"Thanks."
"Can you keep that promise?"
"…I thought I could. I really did. Because I thought my intentions were pure. I thought if I just believed in it enough…that nothing could stand in my way." Urd gripped her glass tightly at the thought. "Life doesn't work like that. I don't know if I can keep my promise anymore…but I have to. I really have to. Because of who I am…"
The barkeep shook her head. "But the person you made the promise to…if she was so special, she would understand. Wouldn't she? She wouldn't hold it against you…right?"
"…no. She wouldn't. She probably would forgive me…I think."
"Then why don't you let her? You can't do everything. And if some things you can't change, then you just…let it go."
"Let it go? Heh…I've never been able to do that. Never."
"Why?"
"…because. I can't explain it…" Urd shook her head, "but I would never forgive myself."
"Yeah…I know." The barkeep smiled as she set her own glass behind the bar again. "I've always known that. Urd doesn't give up…and that's what I love about her. What I've always loved about her." Picking up Urd's glass, she whispered, "Good luck. My fondest wishes always go with you."
As the barkeep began walking away, Urd suddenly reached out and grabbed her cuff. Gripping it gently, Urd bowed her head and spoke for her ears alone. "…it has been a long time…a really long time since we drank together. Hasn't it?"
"…I've missed it."
Kissing the back of the barkeep's hand gently, Urd smiled. "Thank you…Mara."
"Just because I'm a demon and you're a Goddess doesn't mean you were not my dearest friend. When you feel bad…" The demoness smiled back. "…I'll know…so don't ask for ice tea from me again. Keep your promise to Belldandy if you can Urd. If you can't, come back here and tell me about it. I'll have a drink waiting for both of us."
***
"Forgive me, I never handled discussions over the phone very well. Allow me to attend your case personally." The camera by the counter glowed slightly as a beam of light shot from the lens. Jumping through the portal, Peorth neatly alighted on the ground and smiled wanly, "Even if you probably don't want to see me right now."
"…" It was an unusual feeling…looking at this Goddess and feeling no spike of anger within her heart. Placing the receiver back on the hook, Morgan couldn't even manage a smirk. "Why do you continue to mock me? Is it not enough that you have won? What do you want from me?"
"…do not judge me so harshly. Not yet." Peorth immediately sobered at the Fairie's bitter tone. "I do not wish you ill. Understand that."
"Why? Why would a Goddess like you grant my wish…of all people?" Morgan laughed…only to quickly stop when the hollow sound sent a chill up her spine. "When we both know I would never accept such an offer."
"Urd's assessment of you is painfully correct, Morgan." Peorth's voice was gently reprimanding. "You push away the people who wish to help you. You don't want to live like that. A Goddess like me would grant your wish because it is exactly as she has said before…she has found your heart worthy. That is all anyone, much less her, needs to know."
"…I am through fighting you. I really am. You find my heart worthy?" Morgan closed her eyes and slumped against the wall. "You didn't find my heart worthy an eternity ago when it really mattered. What use is your wish now? I am done with Heaven."
"Times change. I would like to think that Heaven has changed all with it…but it probably hasn't. If it is any solace to you, I do not believe in the Gate's Judgment. I understand why you sided with Celestine against Heaven."
"…" Morgan averted her eyes as she fought the sarcastic rise that boiled in her soul. Finally raising her eyes to meet Peorth's, she choked out, "Your sentiments…I thank you for them." Her voice cracked as she lost control. Unable to stop, it almost frightened her how easily her rage possessed her. "But you aren't like Urd. You are everything I have ever hated in Heaven…"
Allowing Morgan's ire to slowly smolder, Peorth asked quietly in the aftermath, "Why do you say that?"
"You would not understand."
"No…I probably would not. But I still want to know. Tell me what you see in me. What is within my character that you hate so much?"
Biting her lip in repressed frustration, Morgan almost whimpered, "Because…you always take what I love the most. Like before…I didn't want to let go…" She placed a hand over her eyes, "But I didn't have a choice."
"…I took him to the Elysian Fields. I took him to Heaven…to meet Belldandy."
The silence was more painful than any burst of anger or denial. It was an incredulous mix of awe and horror. Sitting there, unable to find the right words, the Fairie opened her mouth to respond before realizing that there was nothing to say. Closing her mouth and turning away, her shoulders began shaking as a horrible realization began coming over her. I've lost him…I really have lost him…
"No, you haven't." As if reading her thoughts, Peorth shook her head. "I did not take him there to have him abandon you. I believe that just as you want to see him again…that he wants to see you again as well."
"…how foolish are you?" Morgan found it too easy to let her anger slide against her tongue. "It's Belldandy! Do not speak so lightly about things you do not possibly conceive of…" Staring at Peorth with a stricken look in her eyes, her voice fell to a whisper, "You have no idea Goddess…you have never seen the look in his eyes when he thinks of her. Heaven…Earth…you…and me…we are but motes compared to her."
"Are you angry at me then, for doing what I did? Do you hate me?"
"…The selfish part of me is." Morgan laughed at the irony, "But the selfish part of me always hates you…but like always…" Cupping her face in her hands, her breath came out ragged. "Like always, what I have lost…I have only myself to blame."
"It wasn't your fault. I took Keiichi there…not you." Letting out a deep breath, Peorth grimaced, "I would rather you hate me than hate yourself. Even from my perspective it seems more logical."
Morgan whispered through her fingers, "Did you know…that before Keiichi left with you, we made a promise to each other?"
"…no. I did not."
"He promised me that he would come back from Heaven…to at least say good-bye. I promised him that when he returned…someone would be here…to at least wish him good-bye."
"It had the best intentions…"
"It didn't. I wanted to see him again…I didn't want him to leave. I need to tell him so much…I need to let him now what is in my heart. That I have lost him…is something I could have changed. But I didn't. Maybe it is fate…maybe…maybe I never deserved happiness."
"I believe that Keiichi knew the consequences of his actions. I believe Morgan, that by accepting your promise, he accepted your feelings as well. Have Faith in him…if not in Heaven…or in me. Even if you cannot allow me to grant your wish, do not give up what is in your heart. Everything else that comes will spring from that. And if the scales do not balance…at least you have nothing to look back to regret. You can still go forward."
"Regret? What would a pampered Goddess like you know of regret? I've had every second of my existence to analyze what I should have done and what I did not do. I've ripped my soul in half doing so!" Punctuating her last statement with an exclamation, Morgan shook her head. "Why doesn't it end? Why do I do this to myself…?"
"You can change it this time though." Prying Morgan's fingers away from her face, Peorth peered directly at her eyes. "You don't have to stay here killing yourself. You can stop worrying about Heaven may do…what Belldandy may think of you! My dear, you can start living for yourself."
"How?" Morgan flashed a sickly smile. "By having your wish solve all my problems?"
"No! By making a wish and taking it from there! Keiichi did it with someone he loved very much…why can't you? If you're afraid of what may happen…don't be. It is as I have said. Your emotions are pure…your heart is worthy. It is as you have said. You'll find a way to never have to wait again. When the time comes, you will know what to do. Trust in it."
"How can you say that to someone like me?"
Peorth's voice grew gentle, "Because I sincerely believe that your feelings do not go unrequited…and it would be a shame if you never bothered to find out."
"That's not true…" Biting her lip, Morgan shook her head. "I don't need him to love me…or to mirror my feelings…I just want him to know mine. Even if he says good-bye…I just want to see him again…"
"You're not telling the complete truth…I know you want to see him again but you're holding back." Squeezing Morgan's hands softly, Peorth smiled nonetheless. "But just this once, I'll understand. Even if you can't tell me your heart's desire…I'm sure you know what it is. I'll grant your wish Morgan…just take it from there."
***
"I know you can't stay here forever…"
"…"
Still hugging him firmly against her lap, Belldandy smiled. "And I can tell your thoughts are not completely on me." Once again placing a finger against Keiichi's lips to silence his protests, she shook here head. "No, don't explain. I doubt I could understand it…"
Keiichi guiltily averted his eyes.
"I don't understand much…how I met you…why this feels so comfortable…but it fits. Like this ring on my finger...I can't explain, but I know it belongs there. It feels right K-kun. Like I should have been doing this all my life." Belldandy slid a finger down to his chin and tipped his face up to once again meet hers. "But…this isn't my life…is it? These are the fields of Elysia after all…and I sense that your time has not yet come."
It was difficult to look so directly into Belldandy's eyes…it was difficult to see the wholehearted trust in them with both eyes open. It didn't used to be so hard…back when his heart was set. Back when the wish…his wish…that a Goddess would stay by his side forever…was set in stone. It was remarkable how much he took his Goddess for granted. There was so much more he could have told her everyday. There were so many more times he could've held her close so she would know he wouldn't let go. He could have let her known more clearly that her fear of losing him…was his biggest fear as well.
But most of all, there was so much more he could have done to merit her trust…her love.
He didn't deserve her trust. Not to the degree she placed in him. And especially not now. Not when his heart was torn so badly…and when he couldn't even look her in the eye.
Not when he had made a promise that he had no right to break.
Belldandy half-smiled. "You make it painfully apparent love, when your mind wanders like that. Something pressing is on your mind. Your eyes grow so vacant when you think about it."
"I'm…I'm sorry…"
"…I am too." Belldandy whispered hoarsely. Falling silent, she finally asked quietly, "Whatever crosses your mind is very important to you isn't it?"
"Yes…I made a promise to her…"
The words had barely left his mouth before Belldandy quickly retorted, "Is it more important than me? Is that why…" Her voice died just as fast. Eyes wide at her own audacity, she gripped his arm tightly. "K-kun…I am so sorry…I didn't mean it like that…but…"
But she did. Because through it all, through the smile she gave everyone else, she was still a woman. And though she was apologizing profusely, there was no apology in her eyes. The grip on his arm that was threatening to cut off his circulation demanded an answer.
Slowly lifting himself up, Keiichi fervently shook his head. "No…it's not…but…" Almost pleadingly, he whispered, "But the person I made the promise to…I have no reason to break with. Because, she deserves to have an answer…" Keiichi weakly continued, "Bell, you meant so much to me, and you still do. You always have…but…"
Belldandy responded simply, "But?"
"But…but…I can't break this promise. Not to her…not after all I said…not after all she put herself through."
"You are very kind…she has told this to you, that person, has she not?"
"Yes…"
"But, K-kun, there is something called being too kind." Belldandy's eyes were shining wetly as she stared back at him. "K-kun…those words you said…a promise and a wish…" She closed her eyes as two rivulets of tears coursed down her cheek. "Those should only belong to me. Because I love you the most. Because even though you are kind to everyone…I still wanted you to love me the most."
"…I'm sorry." They stood against each other, either unwilling or unable to make the first move. For all it was worth, they both knew the other was not wrong…but the truth rarely offers solace. And even if it does, it is a bitter shade at best. Finally coming to his senses, Keiichi reached over and gathered Belldandy in his arms. "Bell…"
And before Keiichi could even begin to explain, the Goddess took the words right out of his mouth. Catching him mid-sentence, she easily wrapped her hands around his neck and kissed him passionately.
The spontaneity caught him completely by surprise. Even as a married couple, Keiichi had not been used to or completely comfortable with physical contact. Belldandy, although telling him constantly that she wanted a large family, did not press the issue and Keiichi had always been a bit too embarrassed to bring it up. It was not to say that they had never made love. Belldandy was his wife after all. But sex had never been a large part of their relationship. And probably much to Skuld's relief, Keiichi had been content to let it stay that way.
Although it was difficult for others, especially Urd, to understand, Keiichi believed they had been happier just being together; even if it always seemed like a kindergarten love at first glance. Simple things like walking side-by-side or holding hands. It seemed childish but it meant the world to him. Because that was when he was completely sure that Belldandy loved him. They were not good at the physical level…and they knew it. It was difficult for them to express their emotions when something embarrassed them so much initiating and when they fumbled so badly going through it.
But it had never been hard for Belldandy to tell him how much she loved him when they watched the cherry blossoms fall in spring. And it had never been hard for Keiichi to respond when he was watching her smile.
It was the way they had decided to live together.
And this kiss seemed to mirror that aspect of their life. The air of insecurity and tension was there with both of them unsure of how best to continue. Keiichi was sure that the deep blush on Bell's cheeks looked quite similar to the flush of blood that rose to his face. They were both inexperienced without the ease that constant physical contact brought about. And from an objective point of view, it would be easy to say the kiss seemed forced and awkward.
But the feeling…the wholehearted honesty that Belldandy always placed in everything she did was still there. And that was why Keiichi found it very easy to reciprocate. Because it was Belldandy. Because even if it was not the way he was used to, it was still Belldandy wordlessly telling him that she loved him with all her heart.
Letting her lips linger on his for a moment longer, Belldandy slowly broke the kiss but still held him close. Her breath gently brushed his cheek and the fragrant scent of her hair filled his senses. Her eyes were a beautiful crystal blue…
It had been a long time since he realized that. A long time.
Whispering against his mouth, Belldandy replied, "That didn't feel right. I want to do that again with you…but when I do, it will be when your heart has no doubts." Softly disengaging herself, Belldandy smiled bitter sweetly as she brushed his cheek. "You never broke a promise you made with me K-kun…don't start with her. But remember, I love you the most…"
Keiichi almost disbelievingly ran a finger across his lips.
"I love you the most…so darling, do try to love me more than anything. Love me enough so that when we kiss, it will feel just right. I know you can't stay here with me for now…" Finally sliding her hands back to her sides, she shook away the last tears from her eyes. "…just don't make me wait long dearest."
And with all the brevity and sincerity that was so intransigent in Belldandy's nature, with a last smile, the Goddess turned around and began slowly walking away…as if with each step she might turn around and throw herself back into his arms. But Keiichi knew she wouldn't…
He still hadn't smiled once.
It…it was a funny thing…standing here. The first time Belldandy had disappeared from his life, he had denied to the world, to Heaven, and to himself that this was really good-bye. A part of him had died that day. Now, for the second time…as Belldandy slowly began disappearing into a world that was growing blurrier by the second…he was the one that was allowing her to say good-bye. There was no one to blame to…to deny to. Not even himself.
His lips still tingled from Belldandy's kiss and his body felt warm where Belldandy had held him. And the tears that fell from his eyes were a horribly foreign feeling.
Almost as bad as the thought that ran through his mind. This time, Keiichi wondered what part of him was going to die.
***
"…Perhaps it was a very cruel thing for me to do…" Slumping in her chair, Peorth shook her head in a mixture of self-disgust and pity. "I should not have done that…it was to be a test. Nothing more. It was only to see if it was possible for him to let go…" Peorth felt the hoarse chuckle burn the back of her throat. "He did. He really did…but not this way. He was supposed to let her go…not the other way around. Not like this."
Her Angel had a misty expression on her face as her wings drooped over her back slightly in depression.
"Yes my dear, Belldandy loved Keiichi very dearly…probably even more than her own Angel." Peorth stared at the ceiling distantly, "Am I doing the wrong thing? Should I stop? The ending of our story is upon us…but, my dear, I'm starting to think that not even I can keep up with it. I have miscalculated baldy…and if I am wrong, more people will get hurt. What do I do?"
Comfortingly wrapping her wings around her Goddess, her Angel shook her head and whispered something in her ear.
"…Do not have so much faith in me. Urd has faith in me…and what I am doing now only proves that I am not deserving of her trust. What would she think of me?" Placing a hand over her temples, Peorth slowly got to her feet. Gazing at her Angel earnestly, she whispered, "Pray for me love. Pray that what I am doing is the right thing. I am a First Class Goddess…but even that title will not forgive me if I am wrong."
Nervously lifting the receiver from the telephone, Peorth uneasily dialed the number and waited. After ringing twice, the familiar voice finally answered. "Moshi-moshi…"
"Good evening…I hope I am not disturbing you, Urd."
"Not at all. I just went out for a drink."
Peorth closed her eyes. "Urd, I have done something that has far overstepped my authority…and in doing so, I have demonstrated a severe lack of judgment." She swallowed past a very dry throat. "Please forgive me…for this is only the beginning."
***
"You did…what?"
"I took him to the fields of Elysia. Do not worry. If Heaven seeks retribution, I will bear the consequences."
"P…Peorth…that isn't my point though. Keiichi isn't allowed to stay in the Fields…"
"Yes. He's still quite alive."
"But…but Belldandy isn't. She was there…she was in the Fields was she not?"
"Was there ever any doubt?"
"…they met?"
"Yes."
"…have you thought that this time…this time Keiichi won't let go of Belldandy?"
"That affair is out of our hands…he already has. Please, escort him back from Heaven. I do not think he will trust me anymore."
And that was something that Urd did not believe at all.
Of course it had been a shock for her to hear that Peorth…by-the-book Peorth…would actually have had the audacity to do such a thing. A living mortal to descend upon the sanctified Fields of the dead was unprecedented. True, some gods and demigods had dared so much…but to have the brazen nerve…
It was something Urd expected out of herself more than her fellow Goddess.
But…her last words…
He already…has?
Keiichi had let Belldandy go? Why…why would he do such a thing?
It was a question that she never thought she would have to answer. A question she had promised herself…and promised Belldandy…would never have to answer. Even if Morgan tried to take the decision away from her hands.
It…it had just never occurred to her that Keiichi might be the one who would do so…and the look on Keiichi's face as he lay slumped against the wall of the Principal Building suggested that that thought had never occurred to him as well.
Coming to a stop before him, she opened her mouth to say something…anything…only to realize that she had nothing left to say…and that if she did, Keiichi might not have an answer. He had been crying. It had been such a long time since she had seen him shed a tear. Absence did not make the emotion any fonder. Sadness was never a welcome emotion. Even if it was inexplicably intertwined with happiness.
He gazed up at her and froze. As if he had failed her. As if she could ever hate him even if he did so. Finally he whispered, "Urd, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"
And after he finished saying that he would carry all the weight on his shoulders. He would take all the pain on himself and leave her behind to wonder how the pieces fragmented that badly. "No…" Urd quickly slid her hand over Keiichi's mouth and stared at him. She was shaking badly…so very badly. "...don't say that…stop saying that you idiot. Don't you dare ever say that again!"
It had to stop. Somewhere along the line it had to stop. It wasn't time to think anymore. It was time to live.
"K-kun…I let you take all the pain by yourself…after Belldandy died. I let you kick me out of your life." She viciously shook her head. "Not this time. Never again. I'm not going to think so much this time. Belldandy was my sister! Not just your wife but she was my dearest sister…" Moving her hand away from his mouth, she cupped his cheek. "So don't think you can be miserable about her all by yourself. And don't think I'm going to let you."
"…but what do we do now? Where do we go from here?"
"I'm going to stay with you…on Earth. I'm going to be utterly miserable with you if it comes to that." Pulling him against her, she whispered, "The pain isn't yours anymore. It's mine as well. Damn Heaven and damn my title if it gets in the way."
"I said good-bye…to Belldandy…"
"I know. I know…but you aren't going to say good-bye to me." Holding him at arms length, Urd smiled. "Because I'm stubborn like that. And I don't give a damn what you think." She clasped his right hand firmly, "I want to go home Keiichi. Let's go home again."
***
"…" Peorth grimaced as she felt the distaste from her Angel as well. "You echo my sentiments exactly dear. It really is a horrid thing isn't it?" She smiled at the emphatic nod her Angel wholeheartedly gave. "Some things are beyond the scope of our philosophy. I guess we leave a monstrosity like this to Kami-sama don't we love?"
Her Angel promptly made a face.
Standing at such close proximity, the Gate of Judgment loomed over her, casting a shadow that stretched impressively far in the sand-scorched wasteland. Gaping open like a giant maw, it almost seemed to pulsate with a vibration all its own. Even as a Goddess, Peorth felt ice begin to form at the base of her spine as sweat trickled down the nape of her neck.
Faith. Once again, it always came down to Faith. Although Heaven grew more cynical with each passing generation, Peorth had never allowed her Faith in Kami-sama to waver. Not even in the face of something like this. Morgan's assessment of Heaven was true…it hit more truth than Peorth was willing to accept both eyes open. Heaven was cruel in many ways. It was biased, short-sighted and so inured in itself that all Peorth could really relate it to was stagnation.
But…Peorth had accepted that. She had accepted that Heaven and Kami-sama were not perfect. Were never meant to be perfect. Mortals and Immortals alike kept on searching for an absolute answer that would define their existence. What was painfully ignored was that most of the questions had no answers. So many aspects of life had to be taken on Faith. And since Faith could not be categorized, defined numerically, and in most cases, believed, it was conveniently discarded.
Loss of Faith…it was a horrible thing…it was a horrible thing because most of the time it was not a loss of the belief of Kami-sama. It was the belief that Kami-sama no longer cared. But it could be said that Kami-sama was the Father to all…and what Father would not wish happiness for his children.
"Love…I want to try something out." Slipping her Angel's hands through hers, Peorth smiled. "Just to make sure I'm right."
Taking two steps, she stepped through the Gate before anyone could even blink. Her Angel blinked twice and looked at her goddess in confusion. And realizing that she was still there, Peorth suddenly broke into peals of laughter as she fell to the ground and simply enjoyed the sound, echoing over a wasteland that suddenly did not seem as bad as it once did. Shaking her head, her Angel crossed her arms and sighed mentally.
"Do I really confuse you that much?" Grabbing her Angel against her, Peorth beamed up at her. "I was right. I knew I was right. You see, you're still by my side aren't you? Because you didn't want to leave me as much as I didn't want to lose you. And nothing will ever change that." Kissing her Angel's cheek gently, Peorth sighed, "My dear, nothing, much less Heaven, can take anything from you if you don't let it. Only when we give up do we lose anything of real value…remember that…" Slowly getting back to her feet, she turned her head back towards the other side of the Gate and whispered, "Because they must find that out as well. Here they come."
On cue, two mandalas inscribed themselves on the opposite side. When the light cleared Morgan, Keiichi, and Urd stood on the stairwell of the Gate of Judgment.
Urd's grip on Keiichi's hand grew limp as she suddenly realized where she was…and who was standing on the other side. "Peorth…this is not Earth…why…?"
"I thank you, Urd, for escorting Morisato-san back from Heaven. I never said it would be back to Earth though. And Morgan…" The Goddess smiled as she realized Morgan wasn't paying her the slightest attention, "Well, you don't need to hear anything from me now."
Words falling on deaf ears, the Fairie and the mortal had only eyes for each other as they stood facing each other. Perhaps unaware even of the surroundings, they just looked at each other. About to break the silence between them, Urd was bit her tongues by a sharp glare at Peorth. Motioning her to step away, Urd growled softly as she reluctantly disengaged herself from Keiichi's side, "What is the meaning of this?"
"Be silent!" Still grating but soft enough only for her ears alone, Peorth kept her eyes fixed on the scene unfolding. "Watch. Just watch…I am sure all questions, even mine, are going to be answered."
"You…you came back?" Morgan asked Keiichi quietly as if not really believing it herself. Her voice hitched, "Why? Have you come back to say good-bye?"
"No." Barely letting her finish the sentence, Keiichi set his teeth together. "I won't say good-bye again. Never again…"
"I wanted to see you again. I wanted to see you again so badly. Even if it was Belldandy…" Biting her lip, Morgan confessed, "Even if it was Belldandy, I am so happy you came back…that I'm able too see you again…" Finding no words could really impart her meaning, Morgan's voice trembled at the thought. "so…so can I always see you? If you can't say good-bye to me can I be by your side? Even if I'm not Belldandy. Even if you're not my first beloved…can we stay together? Can you see me…even if I am Morgan?"
"…I've always seen you as Morgan. Just like there isn't another Belldandy…there isn't anyone else like you. I made that promise with you because you were Morgan."
"I know that I can't replace Belldandy…even if you let me. But, K-kun, what I have seen in you from the beginning is completely different from what I see in you now. Why I want to see you now is completely different from why I came to see you the first time." Taking a step forward, the Fairie slowly reached out and placed an arm on his chest. "Listen. Our hearts still beat on the same time." She smiled. "Your heart is beating just as fast as mine."
"…"
"I asked you a question so long ago…I asked you if the world changed, could you love me. I asked you that question because a part of me wanted to fall in love with you." Morgan shook her head. "My feelings haven't changed. That part of me hasn't changed."
Keiichi clasped her hand in his. "But the second part…I can't make your dreams come true. I can't…"
Leaning forward, Morgan slowly brushed her lips against his. Whispering against his lips, she replied softly, "I did not ask you that part…because you already have." And like before, she eased her hands behind his neck and just like before, kissed him with all sincerity of her heart. It was true…there wasn't Belldandy to stop her this time. But other things had changed as well. There was no lie in her kiss this time. Her feelings were perfectly clear…and maybe, just maybe, judging from the way Keiichi responded, maybe her feelings were reciprocated.
"…Mara might need to fix me that drink when I get home…" Urd sighed hollowly as she watched them. As she realized that maybe it had been as Mara had said, "I guess it was a promise I couldn't keep."
Peorth shook her head. "No…do not think of it that way. Consider it a promise that is placed on hold…just for now. You have done your best…and I am so proud of you Urd." She beamed at the younger goddess, "You have matured so much more than you already have."
"Thanks…for all it's worth. Let's go, Peorth. I'm tired of Heaven. I want to go back to Earth."
"Indeed…" The smile on her face waned slightly, "But we are at the Gate of Judgment now. A Fairie and a mortal are waiting upon the other side." Wincing at the disbelieving expression forming on Urd's face, Peorth nonetheless did not allow her gaze to waver. "It is time. You cannot stop them Urd…it is their time…their turn. What comes next…is beyond all our hands."
tbc