From Elizabeth's Diary:

            There's a kind of justice in this entire situation. After all, who would have credited me with a whirlwind romance? I was the proper one, the down to earth one. I didn't believe in love. A part of me still doesn't. The feeling of a devil's bargain is still too recent. I know that I'm rationalizing things too far, that somehow I should trust these feelings, but I can't help but wonder, am I really feeling them? Am I just reacting to someone's attention towards me? Things are so simple when everything is in the pure language of chemicals. I can understand them.

            I look into his eyes and think that I might lose myself in the flood of emotion that I see. How can he feel this way about me? My own emotions are the last things I'll trust. I don't want him to try and depend on me, only to find that I can't reciprocate. Perhaps I am too hasty after all. I am still moved by beauty, by words, by music. I still possess a sense of wonder about the work I am doing. However, just like with those who tried to get close to me in the past, it feels sometimes like I am merely a spectator to the gentler side of the human psyche.

            I have felt certainly. Desire, anger, sadness, these are all easily recognizable, but they seem fleeting. Am I merely an adept at masking their effects? After I feel desire or love do I crush it beneath a flood of words? Am I so accustomed to being solitary that I go out of my way to ensure it? Perhaps the fault lies in my own biology. A dominant left-hemisphere narrator, a mild social phobia, mayhap a mechanism to prevent giving others the opportunity to do me harm.

            I want to love him, want to be free and easy and loose like he is. I admire the way he can set him humor aside to have moments of genuine concern. Looking at him I am drawn into a maelstrom of internal conflict. Is love merely the release of endogenous chemicals? Is what I'm feeling love? Should I even risk questioning it, at the risk of losing it?           

I cannot abandon all my beliefs for a total return to innocence, I know too much about the mind and body for that. A suspension of disbelief is required, and a great deal of trust. I can put my trust in him, and by doing so I will become worthy of his trust.

I am no longer alone.

Dear Satoshi,

            I can't believe it's already been a week since you left. Classes have started here, and everything's very hectic. I'm the official instructor for the honors basic chemistry course, which is fun, but a great deal of work. I have to concentrate and make sure my own studies and research don't fall behind. Don't worry though, I'll take care of myself. Doris watches me like a hawk, and sometimes Yuu and I eat lunch together. I'm starting to learn the Japanese alphabets, it's not so hard, but I keep confusing the characters with chemical symbols and then Yuu laughs at me. I need to work harder; once I learn the characters I can learn the language. It's funny, I miss you, even though you were only here for a few days it feels like there's something missing. Odd isn't it, you never really belonged here in the first place.

~Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

            I talked to Yuu today, he told me that if you had any trouble with my letters that he'd help you, so I decided to write in Japanese. This year is harder than last year. I guess it's because I started at the university. Even though it's the same school it feels different. I'm studying interior decorating. I like to make a house feel like a home. Yuu told me that you're studying chemistry. I hope you like it. You seem like you'd be good at it. Just don't overwork yourself. That's dangerous. I don't have any classes with Miwa-san, but I see him on campus. He spends a lot of time with his advisor. I wonder what they're talking about.

~Miki

Dear Elizabeth,

            I got your letter. What a silly thing to say, right? I'm glad you had this idea. I like the feeling of touching something you've touched, and that you'll eventually hold this sheet of paper that I'm writing upon. … You mentioned that you're teaching a class, how does that work? I thought you were Yuu's age. Can I be dating an older woman? … Anyway school is pretty basic over here; my father's working hard. Miki was very excited to write you a letter, she says next time it'll be in English.

Take care,

~Satoshi

Dear Miki,

            My calligraphy is really bad. Yuu laughed at me and said that you wouldn't be able to read what I wrote. Maybe I'll dictate it and make him write. I have good news! I saw my old roommate, Jennifer, again last night. This represents a tremendous step forward in my social life. She moved here before I did and I finally got around to visiting her while you were here. She kept me from working myself to the bone while we were at Baylor. She's going to school in the city, but I'm going out there this weekend. We're going to go shopping…I'm starting to get job offers for after I graduate, it's odd that it's so soon now. It felt like the day would never come. Yuu and I are going bowling tomorrow night, I wish you could come. I'm a horrible klutz.

~Elizabeth

Dear Satoshi,

            Gomen nasai. I'm so proud of that. Yuu taught me how to write it yesterday. I should have told you how old I was. I'm 22, and about to graduate with my Master's in Chemistry. I got my high school diploma several years early, and my professors in Texas thought I could finish out my research here at St. Andrew's. My advisor at Baylor, Dr. Komachowski is a good friend of Dr. Murphy, the head of the chem department here and when there was a serious shortage of instructors they both thought I should transfer here, for my benefit as well as the school's. I don't think I mentioned that to you in the car. I guess the plebian details of what I was doing didn't really matter when you were here, did they? In case you ask, I picked chemistry because I love it. I'm hoping to get a research job in the summer, once I have my degree…I found my old roommate again! Jennifer moved here, and I'm really glad. I thought we'd lost track of each other. She was the one back in Texas who kept my head on straight. We were quite a pair. She's writing now, and going to art school. I think we're getting together this weekend. She is just dying to meet you. You have the distinction of being the first male I've been romantically involved with since I was a freshman in college. … Tonight Yuu and I are going bowling with the gang. Wish me luck. I'm a terrible klutz.

~Elizabeth

Postcard: to Satoshi

Greetings from Your New York Hospital

Bowling didn't go well, I dropped the ball on my foot. Ooops, I'm okay, really. ~ Elizabeth

Postcard: to Miki

Picture of a trio of monkeys

Tell Satoshi I'm fine. It's just a fractured metatarsal. (Tie him up if you need to).  ~ Elizabeth

 Message on Elizabeth's answering machine

"Elizabeth, it's Satoshi. Please, answer. Miki told me you broke something. I'm worried sick. Yuu told me you weren't looking well. Please, call me soon.