Narrator: It was a wonderful day, full of love and happiness in the land of pokemons. The bird pokemon chirped and the pikachus pikaed.
"Tonight we will dine on Pikachu." Ash said.
"What did you say Ash?" Misty asked.
"I said TONIGHT, WE WILL DINE ON PIKACHU!" Ash set up a fire, then took out his pokeball. "POKEBALL! GO!" he shouted, aiming Pikachu right into the fire.
"PIKA!" was Pikachu's last desperate fatal cry, it caused Brock, Misty, and Tracey to flinch and the pokemon birds to all fly out of their trees for miles around.
Narrator: *ahem* As I was saying, Ash is going insane. Don't worry, his friends will stop him.
"Eating Pikachu was one of the best things I could have done for mankind." Ash announced to himself. "Pokemon are evil. I will start a good organization that will steal people's pokemon and eat them."
And so he did. And it was pathetic.
"We've only eaten 12 pokemon this week! I'm starving!" Ash yelled at the only two members of his new "team", Team Eatit.
"But there aren't that many stray pokemon around here." Tommy said.
"Yeah, we worked really hard to get just those twelve." Richie said.
"THEN GET OUT THERE AND STEAL OTHER PEOPLE'S POKEMON! STEAL THEM! EAT THEM!" Ash yelled.
And they did. And next weeks's quota was thirty-six.
"This is better, but if we're going to eat all the pokemon in the world, we need to go at a faster pace!"
"But we're only two people!" Richie and Tommy whined.
"Oh. Right. I should get some new members."
At that moment Tracey walked in. "Hello." he said nervously.
"Tracey! Do you want to join Team Eatit?"
"No."
"Then what the hell do you want?!"
"Can you stop stealing people's pokemon, then eating them?"
"NO!!!! I've gotta eat 'em all! Including your's!"
Richie and Tommy both searched Tracey for pokemon, but he had left them behind. Then they kicked him out.
"Okay," Misty said in front of Team Eatit's "base". "We now know that niceness isn't going to work. I'll try meanness." Misty walked into the "base" wielding a fork.
"Misty!" Ash greeted her. "Have you come for a dinner date? I have diglett, a rare delicacy."
"Ash, you stop stealing and eating pokemon or I'll STAB YOUR EYES OUT with this fork."
"You're mean." Richie kicked Misty out.
"Well, maybe reason will help." Brock said. He walked into Team Eatit's "base".
"Hi, Brock, have you come to join Team Eatit?" Ash asked.
"No."
"Then you've come to confess your love to me? I love you too!"
"Ash, listen to me. Eating Pokemon is, well-"
"Do you have any suggestions on what's a good way to eat this geodude?" Ash brought out a dead Geodude.
"OH MY GOD!" Brock ran out. "Let's get the hell out of here! Ash is officially insane!" he said to Misty and Tracey, then they all ran away.
Narrator: Okay, so his friends aren't going to stop him. Don't worry, his family will.
"Ash, welcome home! And hello Richie, hello Ash's other friend." Ash's mom said. "I'm so glad you came to visit me!"
"Tonight they will cook." Ash said.
"Oh, how nice!" Ash's mom said.
Not too soon later Richie and Tommy dumped a dead and well-done Mr. Mime on the table.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Ash's mom screamed.
"Oh mom, didn't I tell you, I started an organization for eating pokemon? It's for the greatest good of the world!" Ash said happily. "Um, Mom? Hello?"
Ash's mom hugged Ash. "Oh, I'm so proud of you! To think I thought you would never do anything with your life."
Narrator: Okay, so his family won't stop him! The world is doom- Wait? What's this? Another person's come to stop Ash?
Giovanni and his rocket goons showed up at Team Eatit's base. He knocked on the door.
"How may I help you?" Richie asked.
"I'm here to see Mr. Ash Ketchum." Giovanni said.
"Okay, I'll get him."
Ash came to the door. "What do you want?!"
"Just to talk."
"Okay. come in, we were just having dinner." Ash smiled.
Giovanni suddenly felt sick as a dead weedle was placed in front of him. Then sicker as he watched Ash, Richie, and Tommy continue to eat their various dead pokemon. "Listen Ash, it's great that you're being evil and all that, but this pokemon eating bit has to stop."
"No!" Ash pounded his fist on the table. "I've gotta eat 'em all! And how did you know my name anyway? I've never, ever seen you before in my whole life!"
"I'm your father of course, don't you remember me?"
"NO!" Ash shouted. "You do look a little like him, but-"
"But? Of course it's me. I'm the leader of Team Rocket, and one day you will be as well."
"NO!" Ash yelled. "My father was eaten by the PIKACHUS!" he pounded his fist on the table. "And I saw it!"
Giovanni shrugged. "I needed a witness for my sudden death."
"MY FATHER WAS EATEN BY THE PIKACHUS!" Ash repeated. "And now I'm gonna eat them all to avenge him! All the evil pokemons in all of the entire world." then Ash smiled, and laughed a little. "Try the pidgetto. It's very good." he said to his guest.
"But Ash, I am your father, and if you stop this foolish Pokemon eating phase, I will start your training to rule Team Rocket when I'm gone."
"YOU IDIOT! MY FATHER WAS EATEN BY PIKACHUS! THAT MAKES HIM DEAD! AND YOU'RE NOT DEAD! NOT YET!" Ash pulled out a gun and shot Giovanni. He died instantly.
Narrator: Everything is wonderful. All is right in the world.
"That twerp's the one that shot our last boss! Why is he are new boss?" Jessie asked.
"It seems the boss left everything to his only son, the same person that shot him. Tragic story, isn't it?" James said.
"Why didn't we ever hear the twerp was the boss' son?! And I wonder what he wanted with our pokemon anyway."
"Meowth has no idea." Meowth said.
They all entered the huge dining room with the other rockets. Ash stood on stage, with Richie and Tommy on either side. He waited for them all to be seated, before scanning the audience. "Hey Meowth, what are you doing here." he asked Meowth, who was sitting near the front.
"I'm a part of the team too!" Meowth said.
"I have special treatment for you." Ash said, as a strange light went on in his eyes. "Richie, Tommy, you know what to do."
They nodded, and ran out of the room with Meowth. Everyone ignored a nearby gunshot and waited for Ash to begin.
"As of today, you are no longer members of Team Rocket. You're now members of Team EATIT!"
"Team Eatit?! That's a STUPID name." Jessie said.
"Yeah, Team Rocket is much better."
"If you want to get paid, you're members of TEAM EATIT!" Ash yelled.
"Fine, fine." everyone mumbled.
"Good. And I have prepared a feast for you." there were now happy looks on all of the starving members's faces.
"RICHIE! TOMMY! Bring in the feast!"
All the Team Rocket, well, Eatit, stared at the door happily, but then became shocked as Richie and Tommy brought in plate after plate of dead pokemon. "What the hell is this about?!" Cassidy finally said.
"Team Eatit. Your job is to catch and steal pokemon. To cook them. And then to eat them. We're a good team now, did I forget to mention that?" Ash said.
Jessie and James screamed bloody murder when the plate with the headless cooked Meowth was placed in front of them.
Ash laughed loudly. "Don't have a taste for Pokemon? I think you'll develop one, soon." Ash laughed more.
Narrator: Things will be better soon. Yes, yes. Things will be better soon.
"Jessie, I don't want to be a part of Team Eatit anymore." James whined.
"Neither do I, but what else do you suggest we do?!"
"If I have to eat another Pokemon, I'm gonna be sick!"
"Fine, let's try and trade our cooked Pokemon for real food!"
"Okay, I wonder where the real food comes from anyway." James said as he pulled a pokemon off the fire.
"Hey kid, we'll trade you this dead Pokemon for some real food." Jessie told a random girl that passed by.
"Yeah, they're really good!" James said.
"AHHHHHH IT'S TEAM EATIT!!" The girl ran off screaming.
"Oh well that didn't work." James said.
"No, it didn't."
"Well, we might as well get back to work."
"Right. Mr. Ketchum wants all the rock Pokemon he can so he can build his fortress."
"That's sick!"
Narrator: I am dancing! I am freeeeeeeeeeeee! I am on drugs, and everything is fine!
Ash sat in his brand new fortress, made up all of cement and dead rock type Pokemon. "Hee hee hee." Ash evily said. "Nothing can stop me now." he remembered when a little girl had come to visit him later. She was really cute and had eyes as big as her head, and also had a Jigglypuff with her.
"Hey, mister? Can you please stop eating all the cute pokemon?" she said.
"No!" Ash said, they grabbed her Jigglypuff and stuffed it into the Pokemon cookorama and ate it right in front of her. The girl cried and ran out.
That was what he did. It was for her own good and one day she would understand. Everyone would, when all the Pokemon were gone forever and all the people were safe again. No longer would a little boy have to watch as his father was eaten by evil pokemon. All would be well and everyone would be well fed. Ash started to laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Then he turned around and saw Richie at the door. Now his only loyal follower, Tommy had left for a higher paying job at a different "team". And all the other agents only kept following his orders because he paid them. "Hello Richie."
"Hi Ash, are you okay?"
"Of course I am. I am okay."
Narrator: One day we will all be ONE!
"Listen, we don't want to be eating Pokemon anymore!" Jessie said to a bunch of other Eatit members.
"Neither do we, but we're not talented enough to make money elsewhere!" someone else said.
"We need a new boss! One that isn't completely INSANE!" Jessie said.
"But where would we get one?" James asked.
"Well, first we probably should get rid of the twirp! Then steal all the money for ourselves! And then worry about a new boss." Jessie said.
"Sounds good to me." Butch said.
"One problem, how do we get rid of him?" Cassidy asked.
"We go and steal the money and then knock his stupid base down! He can't do anything without any money!" Jessie said.
"Let's go!" James said.
"Wait, we have to wear these." Jessie magically brought out lots and lots of Pokemon costumes like they use at amusement parks, mostly Pikachu, but a few other random pokemon.
"What the HELL?!" Cassidy said.
"Umm, why?" James asked.
"So he doesn't know it's us, of course!" Jessie said.
"Cool."
Narrator: Conspiracy is bad! I don't do conspiracy!
Ash woke up and brushed his teeth like his mommy told him too, and changed his underwear, also like his mommy told him too, and got dressed, and went to go have his breakfast. Then he walked around a corner in a hallways and saw...
"GIANT POKEMONS!" Ash screamed and ran. Away. Far away. From the horror.
Narrator: The sky is blue. The grass is green.
Ash ran into his office and shut the door. "Pikachu..." Ash had thoughts of the evil Pikachu and his evil friends. The evil Pikachu that he had trained. And eaten. "Pikachu..." Maybe the spirit of the demon still haunted him? And his little Pikachu friends?
Ash opened a drawer to take out some of the leftovers from last night. A live Pikachu was in the drawer instead and smiled at him "Pika!"
"AWAY! AWAY!" Ash shouted.
"Pika pika." the Pikachu waved at him.
Ash looked up to see Pikachu all over his office. "No!"
"Pika pika chu!"
"Chu!"
"Pi!"
"Ka!"
"PIKAPI!"
They spoke on and on, filling the office with noise, bringing Ash to his knees, cracking his eardrums, breaking his very soul.
"STOP! OUT OF HERE!" Ash grabbed whatever he could to throw at the evil beasts. "LEAVE THIS WORLD! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Richie walked into Ash's office to find him throwing random objects around and screaming something about Pikachu. He almost got hit by one of these random objects, but ducked instead. "Ash! It's me! What's wrong with you?"
"Richie..." Ash suddenly stopped. "The Pikachus..."
"We've got to get out of here! They're going to blow up the place!"
"It's no use." Ash lay down on the floor again. "It's no use at all."
"Ash, what's wrong with you?!"
"Pikachus... The world is against me... All I ever wanted to do was destroy all the pokemons, so everyone can live in peace.. Can't they understand? Why can't they understand?" Ash said. Then he started to cry.
"Ash... " Richie also cried. "I understand." Then he hugged his love, as if to try and protect him.
Then the explosion came, signaling both of their deaths.
Narrator: And so our heroes... Everything was wonderful.
End.