Authors Note: Just a (relatively) short chapter this time. Thanks to
everyone who has been reviewing - it always makes my day ^^
Han found her sitting alone in the make-shift cafeteria. Due to the early hour, the place was deserted. The only sounds were the ever-present hum of the air conditioner and the unobtrusive beeping of the serving droid as it went about its work. Like all of the rooms in the ex-Imperial compound, the room was cool and military grey, cheerless in its minimalism.
Leia herself sat in a far corner. Her rations - although open before her - were untouched, her face marred by a frown of deep thought ---
--- So deep in thought in fact that she didn't notice Han moving to stand behind her. The ex-smuggler cleared him throat. She turned around swiftly, eyes wide and startled.
"Han. Its you." She seemed to relax, heaving a sigh of relief. "You scared me."
He raised his eyebrows. "I've been standing here for almost ten minutes." Taking a step towards her, he slipped into the empty chair to her right. "You not giving me the cold shoulder now are you, princess?"
The dark haired woman stared intently at her glass of water. "Don't be so ridiculous," she muttered.
Han was silent for a long moment, his fingers tapping distractedly at the table top. "Leia --- I know."
There was a pause. "Know what?"
"About Luke saving Vader."
She closed her eyes. "Who told you?"
"Lando. Not that it matters - it's going to be all over the base by lunchtime."
Leia looked up sharply, scowling. "Everyone involved has been ordered into silence."
He leaned back in his chair and shot her a dubious glance. "Darth Vader lying in the medi-bay isn't something that you can just keep under wraps. It's going to come out --- and sooner rather than later."
"I know, I know." She sighed once more and looked up at him sorrowfully. His jaw was tense, his features hardened. She didn't take it as a good sign. "Are you mad at me --- for not telling you last night?"
The man frowned, surprised by the question. "Mad at you? Of course not." His expression softened at the anxious look on her face. Smiling sadly, he took her hand in his. "I'm worried, that's all. How are you doing?"
The warm hand resting on hers did little to lift her sprits, but she appreciated the gesture nonetheless. She squeezed his fingers between her own. "Oh, I'm fine I guess. Tired maybe - I didn't get much sleep last night."
"Yeah. I guess I can see why." Han shook his head. "I just don't understand ---- why would he do it?"
"Hm?"
"Luke. Why would he bring that *thing* here? I'm telling you, that kids gonna have a lot of explaining to do."
Leia ran a hand through her long hair. The sudden urge to simply close her eyes and go to sleep was overwhelming - to sleep and forget. But every time she shut her eyelids, she saw *him*. Blacker than any nightmare, darker than any evil she had ever known. Darth Vader. Her father.
She shuddered at the mere thought.
"I'm sure Luke has his reasons," she murmured softly.
Han scowled. "Is this one of those wako Jedi stunts he pulls? Like, 'save your worst enemy and get a free pass to the Force' kinda thing?"
Despite herself, the young woman laughed. "No, that's not it."
"Well what then?" He leaned across the table, reaching out his fingers to brush against her warm cheek. "Leia, I know that you know more than you're saying. Don't you trust me?"
She looked at him forlornly. "Oh Han, of course I trust you. That's not what this is about at all."
"Then what?"
"I---I can't tell you." She pulled away from his touch, lips pressed together in a single line of worry. "I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to accept that."
The tanned man studied her down-turned face closely for a moment. Of course he was desperate to know why Luke had saved the Sith Lord --- who wouldn't be? But at the same time he could see how much Leia was hurting. She was his first priority, above everything else. If she didn't want to tell him ---- for whatever reasons ---- then he was just going to have to accept that.
He gave a small half smile and backed away. "Its alright. I understand."
"Its not that I don't want to tell you," she whispered softly, "But I----I don't know how. I'm ---- afraid."
"Afraid?" Han suddenly straightened, eyes darkening. "Is somebody threatening to hurt you? Because if they are---"
Leia looked up hurriedly and gave a low laugh. "It's not like that at all. And even if it was, I can fight my own battles, that you very much Mr Solo." The laugh faded away quickly, her features becoming serious. She stared at him solemnly, hands clasped in front of her. "But this thing with Luke --- it changes everything. Not only about him but about me. And the problem is I don't know if I'm ready for that change. I don't know if I'll ever be ready." She let out a slow exhale of breath. "I just wish that this whole thing had never happened."
He was silent for a moment as she finished, intent gaze clouded with thought. When he spoke, it was slow and considering, every word carefully meditated over in his mind.
"Whatever it is, Leia, I'll still be here for you --- whenever you need me. You know that, right?"
She shook her head despondently. "Don't say that."
"Why not? It's the truth. I love you; nothing is ever going to change that."
"Han, please, just drop it!"
The ex-smuggler looked up in surprise as the woman rose hurriedly, her chair scraping on the floor with the shrill clatter of metal on metal. Without so much as a second glance she walked swiftly from the room, automatic doors closed behind her with a hiss of air. Then there was silence.
Han swallowed, eyes still fixed on the stop where she had last been. His brain was still trying to make sense of what had just happened. He considered rushing after her, but he quickly realized that there would be no point. The mood she was in, nothing he could say was going to make the blindest bit of difference.
Confused and frustrated, he kicked the table ruefully.
The serving droid looked over from his post behind the counter and gave a tinny beep. "Would you like some breakfast, sir?"
Han snarled darkly, but didn't reply.
The first thing Luke Skywalker saw when he awoke that morning was the masked face of his father staring down at him.
He blinked sleepily, eyelids heavy with weariness. Every muscle ached. He didn't know whether it was from his awkward sleeping position or if he was simply suffering the aftereffects of the previous nights battle. Most likely a combination of both.
"Father," he greeted softly, smiling.
Darth Vader was sitting up on the medical bed with his legs drawn up. The emotionless black helmet tilted slightly as he considered his son thoughtfully. "Good morning, Luke."
"How long have you been watching me?"
The Sith Lord mused over the quietly spoken words for a moment or two. "About four hours," he admitted finally.
Luke raised a teasing eyebrow. "I can't be all that interesting when I'm unconscious, can I?"
Vader didn't answer immediately. How could he? He knew that he would never find the words to explain how he had felt as he watched his son sleep for the first time --- how he had stared mesmerized at every little dream- induced flutter of the eyelids --- every little twitch of his hand ---
The emotions he had felt that night were overpowering to a heart long resigned to emptiness. Love, pride, fear, devotion --- he had experienced them all. He had feared that the intensity of his emotions would awaken his Force sensitive son. But Luke had slept on, and the Sith continued watching, knowing for the first time what it meant to be a father.
But Vader was never one to wear his heart on his sleeve. His explanation died in his throat, the words remaining infuriatingly beyond his reach. Instead, he merely gave a grunt and a shrug.
"There was little else to do."
He inwardly cursed himself for his ineptness.
Luke flashed his father a sleepy grin and yawned. "I'll talk to the medics about installing you a holo-vid, how's that?"
The pitiless black mask remained blank, obviously not appreciating the attempt at humor.
The young Jedi raised his hands in mock surrender. "Relax, relax --- I'm only joking."
Darth Vader was silent for a moment. Then, with deliberate slowness, he leaned forward, bringing his face almost on level with his sons. "The last person who made a joke in front of me," he murmured coolly, voice little more than a throaty growl, "Was Captain Ja'Kal during a planning session last week. I killed him."
The boy stared up into the shaded eyes. His jaw was clenched firm, expression impossible to read. Every trace of the sleepy humor he had worn a moment previously was gone. Now there was only grim resolution.
"Why bring it up now?"
Darth Vader remained there a moment longer, then pulled back, releasing his son from his gripping stare. Why was he bringing it up now?
"My son, I want you under no illusions. I may have renounced the Emperor as my master, but a part of my heart may always belong to the Dark Side. I --- I would not wish you to imagine me as some kind of hero reborn. I am not a very good man. I fear that is something that will never change."
Luke frowned thoughtfully. "But I sense the Light in you, father."
"I do not deny that. But open your eyes to the darkness within me too." He paused, then looked away. "I have lived too long in the shadows to ever amend my ways. I am - and will remain - Darth Vader of the Sith."
The Jedi considered his words silently for a moment, blue eyes lowered. "Not to me," he murmured quietly, "To me, you will always be my father, Anakin."
Vader gave a hard laugh. "That is a title that would mean very little to the others."
"Perhaps. But still --- it means something to me."
Darth Vader glanced up, hollow breath catching in his chest. His son stared up at him, soft smile playing on the corners of his mouth. The boy reached out to lay his hand on Vader's own, gently squeezing at the gloved fingers.
"It means everything to me, father."
The older man paused, looking forgetfully down at his son's touch. Slowly, he moved his arm so that the hand fell away.
"We shall see, Luke." His breathing echoed hollowly as glanced away. "We shall see."
The forest was silent.
Leia appreciated the quiet. It was a calming influence to her own chaotic mind. Sitting on an upturned tree log, she closed her eyes and let the stillness surround her. It helped her to better order her thoughts.
She shouldn't have run out on Han, she knew that. He had only been trying to help her. But she couldn't hare bared sitting there a moment longer --- listening to him tell how her much he loved her ---- knowing all the time that if he only knew the truth ----
She hadn't lied earlier. She was afraid to tell him. How could she possibly sit down and explain to the man that she loved that she was the daughter of Darth Vader? Han might care for her now, but would he feel the same knowing that her father was the man who tortured him to within an inch of his life and then traded him to Jabba the Hutt?
Somehow, she doubted it.
But at the same time she knew that she wouldn't be able to hide it from him forever. Han had been right --- despite the strict instructions to keep Vader's presence on Endor a secret, she would be sincerely surprised if the news wasn't all over the camp by lunchtime. The revelation that Luke was the Sith Lord's son surely wouldn't take much longer. And once Han heard -- --
Well, he wasn't stupid. He knew that Luke was her brother. It wouldn't take him long to put two and two together.
She knew that she would have to tell him. It was inevitable. But that didn't make it any less a daunting experience. How could she possibly tell that man that she loved that she was the spawn of Vader? And what would it mean for them once the secret was revealed? Would he still be able to love her --- knowing the truth ---?
Running a hand through her long chestnut hair, the young woman rose wearily from the log. She couldn't just bury her head in the sand and hope that everything would be alright - this was something that she was going to have to face up too.
But Leia had never been one to shy away when things got tough.
She straightened her shirt and raised her chin. Her jaw was firm and resolute. Despite the worn Alliance uniform she was wearing --- Leia Organa looked every inch a princess.
Taking a deep breath, she turned and picked her way through the foliage ---- heading towards the base where she knew Han would be waiting.
Han found her sitting alone in the make-shift cafeteria. Due to the early hour, the place was deserted. The only sounds were the ever-present hum of the air conditioner and the unobtrusive beeping of the serving droid as it went about its work. Like all of the rooms in the ex-Imperial compound, the room was cool and military grey, cheerless in its minimalism.
Leia herself sat in a far corner. Her rations - although open before her - were untouched, her face marred by a frown of deep thought ---
--- So deep in thought in fact that she didn't notice Han moving to stand behind her. The ex-smuggler cleared him throat. She turned around swiftly, eyes wide and startled.
"Han. Its you." She seemed to relax, heaving a sigh of relief. "You scared me."
He raised his eyebrows. "I've been standing here for almost ten minutes." Taking a step towards her, he slipped into the empty chair to her right. "You not giving me the cold shoulder now are you, princess?"
The dark haired woman stared intently at her glass of water. "Don't be so ridiculous," she muttered.
Han was silent for a long moment, his fingers tapping distractedly at the table top. "Leia --- I know."
There was a pause. "Know what?"
"About Luke saving Vader."
She closed her eyes. "Who told you?"
"Lando. Not that it matters - it's going to be all over the base by lunchtime."
Leia looked up sharply, scowling. "Everyone involved has been ordered into silence."
He leaned back in his chair and shot her a dubious glance. "Darth Vader lying in the medi-bay isn't something that you can just keep under wraps. It's going to come out --- and sooner rather than later."
"I know, I know." She sighed once more and looked up at him sorrowfully. His jaw was tense, his features hardened. She didn't take it as a good sign. "Are you mad at me --- for not telling you last night?"
The man frowned, surprised by the question. "Mad at you? Of course not." His expression softened at the anxious look on her face. Smiling sadly, he took her hand in his. "I'm worried, that's all. How are you doing?"
The warm hand resting on hers did little to lift her sprits, but she appreciated the gesture nonetheless. She squeezed his fingers between her own. "Oh, I'm fine I guess. Tired maybe - I didn't get much sleep last night."
"Yeah. I guess I can see why." Han shook his head. "I just don't understand ---- why would he do it?"
"Hm?"
"Luke. Why would he bring that *thing* here? I'm telling you, that kids gonna have a lot of explaining to do."
Leia ran a hand through her long hair. The sudden urge to simply close her eyes and go to sleep was overwhelming - to sleep and forget. But every time she shut her eyelids, she saw *him*. Blacker than any nightmare, darker than any evil she had ever known. Darth Vader. Her father.
She shuddered at the mere thought.
"I'm sure Luke has his reasons," she murmured softly.
Han scowled. "Is this one of those wako Jedi stunts he pulls? Like, 'save your worst enemy and get a free pass to the Force' kinda thing?"
Despite herself, the young woman laughed. "No, that's not it."
"Well what then?" He leaned across the table, reaching out his fingers to brush against her warm cheek. "Leia, I know that you know more than you're saying. Don't you trust me?"
She looked at him forlornly. "Oh Han, of course I trust you. That's not what this is about at all."
"Then what?"
"I---I can't tell you." She pulled away from his touch, lips pressed together in a single line of worry. "I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to accept that."
The tanned man studied her down-turned face closely for a moment. Of course he was desperate to know why Luke had saved the Sith Lord --- who wouldn't be? But at the same time he could see how much Leia was hurting. She was his first priority, above everything else. If she didn't want to tell him ---- for whatever reasons ---- then he was just going to have to accept that.
He gave a small half smile and backed away. "Its alright. I understand."
"Its not that I don't want to tell you," she whispered softly, "But I----I don't know how. I'm ---- afraid."
"Afraid?" Han suddenly straightened, eyes darkening. "Is somebody threatening to hurt you? Because if they are---"
Leia looked up hurriedly and gave a low laugh. "It's not like that at all. And even if it was, I can fight my own battles, that you very much Mr Solo." The laugh faded away quickly, her features becoming serious. She stared at him solemnly, hands clasped in front of her. "But this thing with Luke --- it changes everything. Not only about him but about me. And the problem is I don't know if I'm ready for that change. I don't know if I'll ever be ready." She let out a slow exhale of breath. "I just wish that this whole thing had never happened."
He was silent for a moment as she finished, intent gaze clouded with thought. When he spoke, it was slow and considering, every word carefully meditated over in his mind.
"Whatever it is, Leia, I'll still be here for you --- whenever you need me. You know that, right?"
She shook her head despondently. "Don't say that."
"Why not? It's the truth. I love you; nothing is ever going to change that."
"Han, please, just drop it!"
The ex-smuggler looked up in surprise as the woman rose hurriedly, her chair scraping on the floor with the shrill clatter of metal on metal. Without so much as a second glance she walked swiftly from the room, automatic doors closed behind her with a hiss of air. Then there was silence.
Han swallowed, eyes still fixed on the stop where she had last been. His brain was still trying to make sense of what had just happened. He considered rushing after her, but he quickly realized that there would be no point. The mood she was in, nothing he could say was going to make the blindest bit of difference.
Confused and frustrated, he kicked the table ruefully.
The serving droid looked over from his post behind the counter and gave a tinny beep. "Would you like some breakfast, sir?"
Han snarled darkly, but didn't reply.
The first thing Luke Skywalker saw when he awoke that morning was the masked face of his father staring down at him.
He blinked sleepily, eyelids heavy with weariness. Every muscle ached. He didn't know whether it was from his awkward sleeping position or if he was simply suffering the aftereffects of the previous nights battle. Most likely a combination of both.
"Father," he greeted softly, smiling.
Darth Vader was sitting up on the medical bed with his legs drawn up. The emotionless black helmet tilted slightly as he considered his son thoughtfully. "Good morning, Luke."
"How long have you been watching me?"
The Sith Lord mused over the quietly spoken words for a moment or two. "About four hours," he admitted finally.
Luke raised a teasing eyebrow. "I can't be all that interesting when I'm unconscious, can I?"
Vader didn't answer immediately. How could he? He knew that he would never find the words to explain how he had felt as he watched his son sleep for the first time --- how he had stared mesmerized at every little dream- induced flutter of the eyelids --- every little twitch of his hand ---
The emotions he had felt that night were overpowering to a heart long resigned to emptiness. Love, pride, fear, devotion --- he had experienced them all. He had feared that the intensity of his emotions would awaken his Force sensitive son. But Luke had slept on, and the Sith continued watching, knowing for the first time what it meant to be a father.
But Vader was never one to wear his heart on his sleeve. His explanation died in his throat, the words remaining infuriatingly beyond his reach. Instead, he merely gave a grunt and a shrug.
"There was little else to do."
He inwardly cursed himself for his ineptness.
Luke flashed his father a sleepy grin and yawned. "I'll talk to the medics about installing you a holo-vid, how's that?"
The pitiless black mask remained blank, obviously not appreciating the attempt at humor.
The young Jedi raised his hands in mock surrender. "Relax, relax --- I'm only joking."
Darth Vader was silent for a moment. Then, with deliberate slowness, he leaned forward, bringing his face almost on level with his sons. "The last person who made a joke in front of me," he murmured coolly, voice little more than a throaty growl, "Was Captain Ja'Kal during a planning session last week. I killed him."
The boy stared up into the shaded eyes. His jaw was clenched firm, expression impossible to read. Every trace of the sleepy humor he had worn a moment previously was gone. Now there was only grim resolution.
"Why bring it up now?"
Darth Vader remained there a moment longer, then pulled back, releasing his son from his gripping stare. Why was he bringing it up now?
"My son, I want you under no illusions. I may have renounced the Emperor as my master, but a part of my heart may always belong to the Dark Side. I --- I would not wish you to imagine me as some kind of hero reborn. I am not a very good man. I fear that is something that will never change."
Luke frowned thoughtfully. "But I sense the Light in you, father."
"I do not deny that. But open your eyes to the darkness within me too." He paused, then looked away. "I have lived too long in the shadows to ever amend my ways. I am - and will remain - Darth Vader of the Sith."
The Jedi considered his words silently for a moment, blue eyes lowered. "Not to me," he murmured quietly, "To me, you will always be my father, Anakin."
Vader gave a hard laugh. "That is a title that would mean very little to the others."
"Perhaps. But still --- it means something to me."
Darth Vader glanced up, hollow breath catching in his chest. His son stared up at him, soft smile playing on the corners of his mouth. The boy reached out to lay his hand on Vader's own, gently squeezing at the gloved fingers.
"It means everything to me, father."
The older man paused, looking forgetfully down at his son's touch. Slowly, he moved his arm so that the hand fell away.
"We shall see, Luke." His breathing echoed hollowly as glanced away. "We shall see."
The forest was silent.
Leia appreciated the quiet. It was a calming influence to her own chaotic mind. Sitting on an upturned tree log, she closed her eyes and let the stillness surround her. It helped her to better order her thoughts.
She shouldn't have run out on Han, she knew that. He had only been trying to help her. But she couldn't hare bared sitting there a moment longer --- listening to him tell how her much he loved her ---- knowing all the time that if he only knew the truth ----
She hadn't lied earlier. She was afraid to tell him. How could she possibly sit down and explain to the man that she loved that she was the daughter of Darth Vader? Han might care for her now, but would he feel the same knowing that her father was the man who tortured him to within an inch of his life and then traded him to Jabba the Hutt?
Somehow, she doubted it.
But at the same time she knew that she wouldn't be able to hide it from him forever. Han had been right --- despite the strict instructions to keep Vader's presence on Endor a secret, she would be sincerely surprised if the news wasn't all over the camp by lunchtime. The revelation that Luke was the Sith Lord's son surely wouldn't take much longer. And once Han heard -- --
Well, he wasn't stupid. He knew that Luke was her brother. It wouldn't take him long to put two and two together.
She knew that she would have to tell him. It was inevitable. But that didn't make it any less a daunting experience. How could she possibly tell that man that she loved that she was the spawn of Vader? And what would it mean for them once the secret was revealed? Would he still be able to love her --- knowing the truth ---?
Running a hand through her long chestnut hair, the young woman rose wearily from the log. She couldn't just bury her head in the sand and hope that everything would be alright - this was something that she was going to have to face up too.
But Leia had never been one to shy away when things got tough.
She straightened her shirt and raised her chin. Her jaw was firm and resolute. Despite the worn Alliance uniform she was wearing --- Leia Organa looked every inch a princess.
Taking a deep breath, she turned and picked her way through the foliage ---- heading towards the base where she knew Han would be waiting.