Chapter 1: Forgiveness

Willow's copper brows knitted together again as a tear rolled down her freckled cheek. Curled into herself on Buffy's sofa, she couldn't meet the eyes of the man she brought within an inch of his life.

He stood before her with concern washed across his features. He had come here to save her, to save his dear little Willow, knowing that he might die. And now she was safe, but at what cost...to her soul, to their friendship. Uncomfortable, not knowing what to say, he pulled off his glasses and cleaned them even though they were already immaculate. Finally he took a deep breath, summoning his courage, and knelt down to break the silence.

Willow looked up, almost as if surprised to see him. He shouldn't be here, she thought numbly. There's no going back from what I've done. I've ruined everything. Another tear rolled down her slick cheek.

To her amazement, a course hand came up to wipe that cheek...a course hand that was connected to understanding eyes. Not disappointed eyes. Relieved eyes. Relieved? The numbness began to ebb from the red headed one. How can he still care? After all I did to him? After the pain I...her eyes drifted back to the carpet. A gentle force under her chin forced her to look up again, to her Giles. And he whispered to her,

"I forgive you."

Her shimmering eyes spilled over as her face crumbled and a tortured sob escaped her. Warm, strong arms surrounded her fragile frame as she wracked with grief.

"It going to be alright," his accented voice soothed in rhythm to his hand, which lightly rubbed her back. Her pain began to seep into him and soon they were both clinging to each other for equal comfort. He had almost lost her. He felt so foolish for thinking that he could just come back and make everything OK. And some of the last things he had said to her before he went back to England had been so cruel.

The sound of a door closing upstairs jarred him back to his senses, senses that were suddenly becoming confused by the strawberry sweetness if Willow's scent. His arms still around her, her sobs subsiding, he found himself with his eyes closed inhaling deeply. He slowly released her and held her at an arms length. Life is complicated enough, he chided himself.

Her round eyes rose to meet his. She knew that she didn't deserve anything that he had to offer her, especially forgiveness. She could have sworn for a second though that he...no, never mind.

She looked into his eyes for a hint of what he was really thinking and all she saw was warmth.

Her auburn locks swung from side to side as she quickly turned her head towards the thump, thump, thump, thump, thump of Xander bounding his way down the stairs. An inaudible sigh passed her lips as Giles eased slowly off the floor and into the adjacent chair. She knew that the moment was broken and distracted herself with the comforting light of her best friend's boyish face as it leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"How's my brave little toaster," he ruffled her hair.

"Burnt extra crispy" the corners of her mouth curled into a half smile despite the lack of joy in her eyes.

Giles leaned back in the chair and watched the scene silently as the two of them exchanged a subdued version of their usual witty banter. He couldn't believe how many changes Willow's been though over the past 6 years. From the charming high school brain to the powerful witch that she'd become, he knew that the core Willow he'd always loved was still there. He could see it in those luminescent green eyes that Xander had restored from the disturbing black.

He looked down at her delicate hand that was lying inches from his own and smiled at the mere fact that it was there. She was there. She was safe. He covered it with his own and squeezed it lightly, protocol be damned. 

Willow's heart quickened as she felt his warm fingers wrap around her own. As their skin connected, the sexual tension they had ignored for the past 6 years surged in both of their veins. A new connection had formed between them when she had taken his power. Now she could feel his desire layered over her own. She squeezed back, almost a death grip of desperation, not wanting him to let go.

Her voice was deceptively light has she chatted with Xander but her breath betrayed her with its quickness. It was like a secret that Giles was holding her hand, only not, because it was right there for anyone to see. Doesn't Xander see? How can't he see?

Prompted by the odd expression on Willow's face, Xander's eyes suddenly shifted and he did notice. Normally it wouldn't have fazed him that Giles was comforting his best friend, but he knew on a deeper level that something different was going on here. Well alrighty then, his eyes widened. Time for the Xand-man to make a will timed exit.

"Man, saving the world can sure make a guy hungry. You want anything Will?"

The last thing on her mind was eating.

"Uh, no thanks, Xander."

"How 'bout you G-man?"

Giles looked up, distracted. He, too, had felt the jolt that passed between himself and Willow.

"What?"

"Nevermind," Xander grinned and left them alone. As he walked out of the living room he was puzzled by his own lack of jealousy. A few years ago he would've been completely freaked…but not today.

Giles slid back to the floor without breaking the chain of contact. He was overwhelmed with a feeling that he couldn't put to words. All at once he felt protective, possessive, possessed, joyous, terrified, impossibly old, impossibly young, and probably out of his bloody mind. But it all faded from his mind as she met his gaze. It was her resolve face he saw for a long moment before she lifted his hand in hers and placed it back on her cheek. The rise and fall of her chest matched his own breathing. He leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers,

"Oh Willow, what are we doing?"

After a long tortured moment, Willow slowly pushed Giles away.

"After all that I did to you, how can you still want to be anywhere near me?" her voice was barely a whisper.

"Well, I've been through worse."

She traced the wound on his forehead that she had given him.

"I'm gay you know," she didn't even sound convincing to herself.

"Oh really," a look of amusement lit his face, "Is that why your heart is beating as fast as mine?"

His husky accented voice caused hers to beat faster. Her brows came together in confusion. So much had happened over that past few days that couldn't be ignored. Panicked, she didn't know if she had the strength to resist using magic. And the thought of hurting Giles again… and she loved Tara…she barely held back the grief as it built again.

He could practically see the thoughts on her face and wished he could comfort her somehow, just hold her in his arms and make it all better. But he knew that her wounds were too fresh. She wasn't ready to go down this road with him. Reluctantly, he pulled away from her touch. Besides, he chided himself, she's half my age.

Suddenly, Willow's flushed cheeks drained of all color and her breath caught in her throat. Giles turned his head and the color drained from his face too.

Tara stood on the lawn outside the living room window. Beautifully transparent, she wisped through the wood and glass into the house. It was almost like she wasn't there, but her voice was as real and solid as it had been days before.

"Willow you have to come quickly. There's no time to explain. I need you to trust me," her shadowy visage slipped back through the wall to the font yard and beckoned Willow with a wave of the hand.

Her heart now hammering, Willow jumped up from the couch and bolted for the front door, Giles not far behind.