Chapter the fourth
Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or any other trademarked materials in this fanfiction.
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"Please get out of the floor and SCREW with me." Bulma said. "We can do it all day, all night, until tomorrow morning!! We can.... there's no point in saying. It'll give me throat cancer." Vegeta looked at her funny. "No thank you. Geeta will just watch T.V.." He began. "YOU'RE HORNY AND YOU KNOW IT!! GIVE IN TO THE MOOD!!" Bulma yelled. Vegeta thought she was going a little crazy. Probably either because her parents were dead or seperation anxiety from her kids. And maybe the fact that Trunks was in a shelter. "Help me up." Vegeta ordered. Bulma offered him a hand and he took it and hoisted himself up. "I don't enjoy falling off tables." Vegeta said. He went and sat on the bed to watch 'Baywatch.' I'm not even going to tell you the parts of the girls that he looks at. It should be very clear to you already if you're reading this story at a decent age. "Don't watch that. Screw me." Bulma said. Vegeta growled. "I wanna get back in the bath." He said. "By MYSELF. And listen to my headbanging music and wash MYSELF." Bulma jumped on him and began to mack him. "Get off me you leech woman or I'll KICK you off!!" Vegeta said. But then he realized that he really liked it when she forced herself on him. And she really liked it when he played hard to get. It was a major turn on for her and Veggie knew it. Soon they began the process of strip- let's not get into this.
After they 'snuggled' they lay in eachother's arms. Bulma had a slip on and Veggie was just in those little gucchi shorts he was wearing that was Bulma's. Geeta was covered in perspiration so he looked shiny. "You're so shiny I can't look at you!" Bulma said. Vegeta wiped the sweat off his body with the sheets. "I really wasen't in the mood." Vegeta said. "That's why I let you take control this time." Bulma didn't say anything. "Hey, what's that music?" She asked. Vegeta listened. "Oh, remember there was music playing when we were in the tub? The music I picked? I must have left it on while we made love." He said. It was now on a rap song. Vegeta really liked it. "Hey, this sounds like pole dancing music." Bulma said. "You wanna freak dance?" At first Vegeta declined because he was so tired from having sex. But he had to say, those rose petals certainly made it more interesting. He thought he had rose petals in his mouth. "I'm too tired to freak dance. It's 10:00, let's go to sleep so we can do more stuff tomorrow." Vegeta said. Bulma began to nag and whine. "Oh, fine, but don't blame me when we're both sore again." Veggie say. He pulled himself to his feet and Bulma dragged him over there by an arm. She began freakdancing him and Vegeta just stood there like a ragdoll. "You're boring! You're supposed to do it back!!" Bulma said. Vegeta shrugged and began doing bump and grinds and things. When they were really getting into it, they both heard a dull pop. "Ouch! My back!!" Bulma said, clasping it. Vegeta was laughing so hard he could barely do anything about it. "Lemme see!!" He chortled. He looked and there was no marks on her back. "It probably just popped rather painfully." Vegeta said. He helped her sit down on the bed. "I'm so OLD!!" She cried. She started to bawl and pound her fist on the trashy water bed. Vegeta sat by her. "Now, you're not old!! You're...just not as young as you used to be, that's all." He said. He tried to comfort her from crying. "See? I have a happy life!! I've always had a happy life!! You hafta be happy and act like me!! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!" Vegeta said. Bulma sobbed. "No, Vegeta. Actually your life has been worse than mine. You had a terrible childhood, you were abused, your own planet got blown up, your father was killed, I can go on for at least an hour." She said. Vegeta shrugged. "But see? If you hold in your sadness-" "I'll turn into a jerk like you did." Bulma finished for him. Vegeta frowned horribly. He turned the T.V to a French form of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.' "We need to go to sleep so we can wake up early and do stuff here! We only have two days left." Vegeta said. Bulma sat up. "No. I hate it here. It's horrible! We lost our rental car so we hafta pay out the @$$ to replace it, we hafta walk everywhere, you don't wanna snuggle with me.... IT'S HORRIBLE!!" She said. Vegeta was sad."But I wanted you to like this trip!!" He said. "I like it!!" Bulma didn't say anything, so Vegeta picked up his cell phone. "I'm calling Bra." He said. Bulma still didn't say anything so Geeta dialed Bra's number and began to talk with her.
"What did she say?" Bulma asked when Vegeta hung up. Vegeta was laughing really hard. "Wanna know what Trunks did?" He asked, banging a fist on the night stand. "What?" Bulma asked. "TRUNKS CHANGED HIS NAME TO BURT!!" Vegeta shouted and laughed so hard he banged his head on the floor when he fell off the bed. "Veggie!" Bulma said, helping him up. "He changed his name to BURT." Bulma said, plainly. Geeta let out gales of laughter. "Yeah!! Isn't that the most?! BURT!! WHO ON EARTH WOULD CHANGE THEIR NAME TO BURT? IT'S THE FUNNIEST SOUNDING NAME IN THE WORLD!!!" He yelled. Bulma smacked him and he shut up. "It's not funny it's TERRIBLE." She said. "We worked so hard to make him possible....and he changed his name to BURT. We worked together to name him....and he changed his name to BURT." Vegeta cleared his throat. "Actually I had no part in naming Trunks. I didn't care back then." Vegeta said. "Oh yea." Bulma whispered. Vegeta covered up. "Geeta go- I'm going night night." He said. Bulma gasped. "No!!" She said, jumping on top of him. Geeta got the wind knocked out of him. "Ouch!!" He said. "I don't want you to go to sleep, Geeta. I wanna cuddle with you." Bulma said. Vegeta growled."What's wrong with you lately?" He said, and rolled over. Bulma got an idea. She took a Viagra pill and began to crush it. Then she got a coke and put the crushed up Viagra in it. "Drink this Geeta." She said. "It'll make you not tired." Vegeta groaned and set up. Bulma looked at his sexy body and shuttered. He was SOOOO sexy!! Vegeta took the coke and took a big drink. "This tastes funny. Aw well." He said. He gulped it down. "Tuck Tuck." He said. (This means tuck me in.) Bulma came over and gave him a hug and a kiss goodnight. Then she tucked the blankets all around him. Then she climbed in bed herself, and turned the lamp off. "Good night Geeta." She said. Vegeta grunted and kissed her hand. Then he closed his eyes. After about 30 minutes Vegeta was waking Bulma up. "Bulma! Let's make love!!" He said, grabbing the bottom of her gown. Bulma rolled over. "No!!" She said as she snatched it away from him. "Go to sleep!!" Vegeta was kicking his feet in bed. "please please please please please please please!!!!" He shouted. Bulma rolled over and looked at him. She noticed he was most likely horny from the Viagra. "Go to sleep." She said again. Vegeta rolled up in the sheets and they pulled away from Bulma. "Snuggle snuggle SNUGGLE!!" Vegeta yelled. He thumped to the floor. "Snuggle with me, Bulma! I'll make it the best you ever had!!" Bulma threw a shoe at him. "Can you shut up so I can go to sleep?!" She asked. She closed her eyes. But when she heard a ripping noise she opened them and noticed Geeta was tearing up the sheets with his mouth. "VEGETA!!" She shouted. She jerked them away from dat Geeta as he ran over and began to throw chairs in the air. "Snuggle with me and I'll stop!!" He shouted. He punched a fist into the T.V. He screamed and broke the windows and cracked the walls. He stomped and caused the floor to crack. He gritted his teeth when she woulden't get up. He finally poked a pin into the water bed and a stream of water shot out of it. "Veggie!!" Bulma shouted. "Stop that!!" Vegeta broke everything he could get his hands on. "I should write a book. If you give Vegeta a Viagra." Bulma mumbled. Vegeta jumped on the bed and started to jump on it.
"I told you we'd get kicked out, Veggie! Now we're out on the streets and it's DARK!" Bulma yelled into Veggie's face. "AND WE DON'T HAVE A CAR!!" Vegeta cringed back. "S-Sorry." He said. It started to rain on their heads. "That's great, JUST GREAT." Bulma said. Come on." She grabbed Veggie's wrist and began to drag him after her. "Where are we going?" Vegeta asked. "WE'RE FINDING A MOTEL!!" She yelled. "But we are rich, and rich people use HOTELS." Vegeta said. Bulma whirled around and looked at him with the worst look ever. "WHO CARES. THERE'S A MOTEL CLOSER, ABOUT A BLOCK AWAY." She growled. Vegeta slowley nodded. His hair was getting wet and he didn't like it at all. After getting very wet they finally found a motel. It was similar to 'Motel 6' but it would hafta do. They rushed inside and ran up to the counter. "We need to check in!!" Bulma shouted desperatly. The clerk nodded and began to type something on her computer. Vegeta went and sat down in a chair. It broke. "What a trashy hotel." He muttered. After about 15 minutes Bulma came walking back. "Hokay. We got a room." She said. vegeta grabbed the bags and they went tworeds room six. They got in and about a million cock roaches scurried. "Well...... uh..... at least we're not wet anymore!!!" Vegeta said. Bulma sighed and clapsed into a rocking chair. It tipped backward and she fell on the floor. "Oh no!" Vegeta said. He ran over and helped her up. "This trip is HORRIBLE! I just want to go back home!!" Bulma yelled. Vegeta was sad. He had wanted her to like this trip. "Come on, Bulma!! Tomorrow we can go to the Eifle Tower, and go on another buggy ride, and ride horses... it'll be fun!!" He shouted. Bulma scowled. She jumped into the bed. "Goodnight." She said, and rolled over. Vegeta climbed into the bed with her after turning out the lights. "You know, this is the perfect spot to snuggle." Geeta said. Bulma waved him off. But the more she thought about it the more it seemed good because it would take her mind off everything. "Alright." She said. They began that macking and stuff discusting. When Bulma stripped Vegeta's shirt off he felt a sharp pain in his thigh. "What the hell?" He said. They both just continued until Vegeta felt it on his back. He jumped. "Veggie? Something wrong?" Bulma asked. Vegeta shook his head. They began to kiss again, and Bulma took Veggie's shorts off so he was only in his underwear. But then he felt the sharp pain AGAIN, this time on his back again. "I'm seeing what that is." Veggie said. He sat up and lifted the covers. There was a huge snake under the covers. "AAGH! SNAKE! IT BIT ME 3 TIMES!!" Vegeta yelled. He pushed Bulma off the bed to protect her. She was screaming and yelling. "Do something!!!" Bulma yelled. Vegeta used a powerball and fried the snake. The charred remains were left on the bedsheets. Vegeta lifted his leg and looked at one of the bites. "Ow. It hurts." He said. Bulma climbed on the bed. "Are you gonna be O.K? Do you need a hospital?" She asked. Vegeta shook his head. "No, I'm a saiyan remember? His poisen doesen't phase me because I'm stronger than a human." He said. "But it's still bleeding and it still HURTS." Bulma went and got the medical kit out of their suitcase. "I'm still gonna pump the poisen out of you because I want to be safe about it. You could be liying for your PRIDE, as you so call it." Bulma said. Vegeta groaned. "I don't lie." He said, under his breath. Bulma put the pump on the bite on his thigh. Geeta saw his skin rise up under the little mouthpeice. "Is that normal?" He asked. Bulma nodded and she pulled up on the little lever thing. Geeta thought it felt weird. "That's weird." He said. "It's like a little vaccuum cleaner except theirs no noise." Bulma rolled her eyes and got some gauze and neosporin and tape. She put it on. "Two more on my back." Geeta said. He winced as Bulma pumped the poisen out of them. Then she put the band-aids on him. "You know, putting band-aids on your perfect body takes some of the sexiness away." Bulma said. Vegeta tried to rip them off but she stopped him. "But I want to be sexy! I want to get people in the mood!!" Vegeta said. Bulma laughed. "First of all, how can you look sexy when your hair is wet?" She said, tousling his hair. Vegeta slapped her hand away. "What does that hafta do with anything?" He asked. "Because it's all messed up." She said. Vegeta felt of it. "Well you just messed it up even more." He said. He fixed it back up. "I'm using the hair dryer." He said. He got it out of one of the suitcases and walked into the bathroom. "O.K.... how do I work this?" He asked himself. He read the instructions. "Put plug into electrical outlet." He read outloud. He looked over at the outlet. "Is that it? If so, it'll be electrified." Vegeta said. He went and got a fork then ran back into the bathroom. "O.K. This should tell me if it's electric." He said. He stuck the fork's tong into the outlet. "YYYYYYYAAAAAAHHHH!!" He screamed, shaky like as it shocked the hell out of him. Bulma heard him scream and came in. She saw him with the fork inside the electrical outlet and he was holding on and being shocked. "Hang on Veggie!!!" She said. She knew if she touched him she might be electrocuted too, so she grabbed the suitcase and threw it at him. It knocked him down and the fork came out of the outlet. NOW his hair was singed and charred. "I like your hair thataway." Bulma joked, as Vegeta coughed out smoke.
"Now that HURT." He said. He got up and he felt strange. Like he was walking on air or something. "Can you plug this in for me?" He asked. Bulma plugged it in and Vegeta observed how she did it. Then she turned it on. "Do it." Geeta said. Bulma began to blow dry his hair.
"I'm done. But their's something else I want to do. Give me that fork." Bulma said. Vegeta handed it to her. She stuck it in some of the baby hair in the front of his hair. "Whadda you doing?" Vegeta asked. "You'll see." Bulma said. She twirled the fork as hard as she could, pulling as she did so. "OWCH! YOUR PULLING MY HAIR OUT BY THE ROOTS, WOMAN!!" Vegeta screamed. Bulma finished twirling it and pulled the fork out of his hair, making a rather large curl on his forehead. Then she hairsprayed it in. "There." She said, giving Vegeta the mirror. Vegeta looked in and was stricken with horror. "MY HAIR!! YOU PUT A CURL IN MY HAIR!!" He said. Bulma was laughing so hard she could barely stand up. "Yes, I did." She said. "I look like a homosexual!!" Vegeta said. Bulma shrugged. Vegeta began yanking at the curly but it woulden't come out. "Get it out!!" He said. Bulma got some water in her hands and put it on the curly. She put it in, and then combed the curl. But it still didn't come out. "Get it out!!!" Vegeta shouted again. Bulma laughed and put gel on the curl. then she straightened it back up and put it in its usual place. "Thank you." Vegeta said. He got up. "I think my hair's fine now." He went into the living room and clapsed on the bed. But he roared and curled up when he felt another sharp pain on his chest. "OW!!" He said. When he tried to get off the bed he felt a sharp pain in his back, neck, and tummy. "Geeta?" Bulma said. Vegeta was yowling. "There's some kind of a spiky spik in that bed!!" He said. Bulma lifted up the covers. And besides a couple snake skins there were Indian needle weeds, and some bugs, and a tack. "God, who last stayed in this room? He must have traveled a lot." Vegeta said. He brushed it off the bed. He then got under the covers and hoped something didn't get in his pants or something. Just to be safe he took them off and got back in his underwear. "Come to bed. We've had too many adventures for one night." He said. Bulma got back into her gown and went to bed with dat Geeta. They FINALLY got to go to sleep that night.
The next morning they both arouse at the same time. Vegeta had a look of horror on his face when he looked at Bulma. "YOU'RE COVERED IN COCKROACHES!!!" He hollered. Bulma shreaked as Vegeta brushed them all off her. One crawled out of the collar of her gown. "That was GROSS." She said. Vegeta nodded. A heck of a way to wake up in the morning. Bulma got up and stretched. She got the bacon she had bought for Veggie the night before and began to cook it. "I want some bacon." Vegeta said. "You'll hafta wait." Bulma responded as she flipped a peice of bacon. After a while Vegeta grew mighty impatient. He walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist. "Go away, You're distracting me." Bulma said. Vegeta squeezed her as hard as he could, and it took her a minute to catch her breath. "I want some bacon." Veggie said. "Too bad." Bulma replied. Vegeta walked over to the skillet and reached his hand in like an idiot. But it burned and popped him when he tried to grab a peice. "OUCH!" He shouted, recoiling his hand. Bulma laughed. "Lemme see." She said. Vegeta showed her as he pouted. "Ohh..." Bulma said. She kissed it. "I want some!!" Vegeta whined. Bulma got tired of his constant whining. "HERE YA GO!!!" she shouted, and threw a peice of sizzling hot bacon in his mouth. Vegeta's eyes widened and he screamed. "Owch!! Hurt Geeta!!" He screamed. Bulma drug him into the bathroom and put some water in his mouth. "You O.K? Sorry I did that; I really coulden't help it." She said. Vegeta nodded. How come she was always so mean to him? Why? Bulma then remembered her bacon and rushed back to the old rusty stove. She flipped 2 peices. Vegeta went and sat down at the table and waited rather patiently for his cooled off bacon.
"It's ready!!!" Bulma shouted. Vegeta clapped as Bulma gave them each 16 peices of bacon. Vegeta licked his chops and threw a peice in his mouth. As he chewed he realized just how delicious the food really was until...the aftertaste hit. And it was a horrible aftertaste, so terrible he coulden't stand it. Bulma was experiencing the same thing. "What's that taste?" Vegeta asked, then he gulped down some water. "I think it's just the brand. But we're going to eat it because I went out to get it for you when we were having a romantic moment." Bulma said. She popped another peice into her mouth and groaned with the terrible aftertaste. "EWW! That's so discusting!!" Bulma said. Vegeta nodded and pinched his nose closed while he ate another bite. "You sure you cooked it all the way?" He asked, in a nasal voice. "YES, I cooked it all the way and don't you deny that I did." Bulma said. She ate another peice and dry-heaved. Vegeta tried to slip the rest of his in his napkin but Bulma caught him. Vegeta put a bunch of sugar on his bacon. "SUGAR? on BACON?" Bulma asked. Vegeta shrugged. "Hey, it'll make it taste better." He said. Bulma decided that she'd just eat hers normal because she thought sugar made it so much more discusting. Soon they were both done, and glad. "Thank god." Bulma said. She began to wash their plates and cups and Geeta just watched.
"Ohhhhh... My tummy..." Bulma said, coming around the corner. Vegeta saw her clasping her stomach. Vegeta was clasping his too. "Mine hurts too......" He groaned. He felt like he would do the tecknicolor yawn any second now. "I told you that bacon was bad." Vegeta groaned. "But you just didn't listen!!" He brined a shot of pain. Bulma dry heaved into a potted plant but all that came out was water. "I wonder if there was something IN that bacon..." Bulma said. She went over and grabbed the package. She sniffed the inside and there was no funny smells. Then it hit her to look at the expireation date. It had expired six months earlier!! "Vegeta, that bacon was very expired!!" Bulma shouted. She saw Vegeta with a hand cupped over his mouth. They both began running for the bathroom at the same time. Vegeta reached the toilet first and began puking into it. "Vegeta, hurry!! I'm about to puke all over the floor!!" Bulma hollered. Vegeta just kept on puking with nasty sounds. Bulma decided she coulden't hold it much longer and she puked all over the back of Vegeta's pants and the rug, and the tile floor. Vegeta soon got done puking and saw what Bulma had done. "Discusting, Bulma!!" He said. But before changing his pants he made sure she was alright. He limped over to his suitcase despite his aching stomach and got some new pants out. He stripped off his old ones and pulled these ones on. Bulma walked over. "Sorry I puked on you." She moaned. Vegeta didn't say anything but saw her get the materials to clean the bathroom floor. Then he saw how horrible she looked. "Bulma, I'll do it." He said. Bulma shook her head. "You're sick too and you need to lay down!!" She said. Vegeta just grabbed the cleaner from her and began to clean the puke. Bulma made herself a puke bucket and lay down in the bed.
At 10:00 AM, they both lay in bed with puke buckets on the ground next to them. "Did I tell you that this trip has been a bust?" Bulma asked. Vegeta listened to the ticking clock for a second. "Yes. Several times." He said. They both were silent. The clock's ticking was enough to drive anyone insane. "And did I tell you that I'm FURIOUS that you took me on this trip?" Bulma asked. Vegeta gulped and prepared for the worst. And sure enough, the worst happened. "YOU IDIOT, IF YOU HADEN'T HAVE DECIDED YOU WANTED TO MAKE ME HAPPY NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED!! NONE OF IT!! FOR NOW ON YOU JUST KEEP YOUR SYMPATHY TO YOURSELF AND LET ME TAKE CARE OF THINGS!!!" She hollered. Vegeta whimpered. He listened to the clock somemore. "Uh.... you didn't hafta come." He said. "I could have come by myself ALL ALONE and then you'd be at home with BRA!! Now how would you have liked THAT?" Vegeta asked. He knew that Bra was such a whiny brat that nobody could stand her. "Oh, I guess you make a point." Bulma said. Vegeta rolled over and thought he was going to puke but he just dry heaved into the little bucket. He was sick of this. "Well, I think we can get up and do something now don't you?" Bulma asked Veggie. Vegeta rolled over. He looked and felt fine now, but Bulma wasen't so sure of herself. She thought she might still have some throw up left inside her. "Are you sure you're up to it?" Vegeta asked. "I'm a saiyan so now I'm perfectly well but you're a human so you're still sick." Bulma smiled. She was so glad he cared about her!! "If I could right now Vegeta I'd give you a hanky panky." Bulma said. Vegeta sat up and began to pull his clothes on. "I'm gonna go and buy you some popsicles." He said. He put on his sleeveless jacket and biking gloves last of all. "Is there anything else you would like?" Vegeta asked. "I want some Macaroni and Cheese." said Bulma. Vegeta scribbled both things she wanted on a Post-It note and went outside.
Because Paris was an unusual place for Vegeta he wasen't sure where to go. He had tried to ask several people but they had just stared at him funny because he was English. Bulma had given him a little French Pocketbook for emergencys. In Vegeta's eyes these emercencys would be hot girls. He aimlessley walked for about 15 minutes, trying to find a sign that said '`epicerie' . Finally he stopped a French woman. "Uhhh..... ou` epicerie?" He asked. (Translation: Where Grocer's?) "tout droit." She said. (Translation: Up ahead) "ummm...remerciers, la dame." Vegeta said. (Thanks, lady) He walked up ahead and sure enough, there it was. He felt so stupid, but it had been his first French conversation. Even if he had to look it up in a travel book. He went into the grocer's shop. "Macaroni and Cheese... Popsicles..." He kept muttering under his breath. As he stalked to find the popsicles, he bumped into someone. "Ah!" He said. When he looked into her face he noticed she was pretty. "de`sole`." She said. (Sorry.) Vegeta scratched his head. He didn't know what that meant! He quickly pulled out his handy dandy French notebook. He saw it meant 'sorry'. So Vegeta looked up a response. "c`est
bien."(It's fine) Vegeta said. The lady nodded. Then she rattled off a whole sentence in French. "Uh.... Oh sh*t!!" Vegeta mumbled. "Excuse me? You talk English too? I thought I was the only one!!" The woman said. Vegeta was happy. Finally someone to talk to besides his nagging wife!! "Where is the popsicles? My wife is sick and she wants some." Vegeta said. The woman pointed to the freezer. "And the Macaroni?" Vegeta asked. She pointed there too. As Vegeta thanked her and walked away, she followed. "You have a wife? Is she pretty?" The girl asked. Vegeta was getting mighty uncomfortable with her company. "Yes, She's radiant." He answered shortly. He got a whole box of popsicles out of the refrigerator and walked on. "Is she as young as you are?" The lady asked. Vegeta growled. "Actually, she's younger. She's 56, I'm 57." He said. The lady's eyes widened as she wondered how a man that......middle aged could look so young. "You're liying." She said. "NO, I'm not. Now could you like, SHOO, please? I'm on a tight schedule." He said. But she didn't leave. She kept on rattling off questions about his personal life. Vegeta stomped a foot. "Now, can I ask you a personal question too? Do you delight in flirting with married men?" He asked. The lady was a bit shocked but kept on asking him questions. Vegeta finally went up to the checkout counter and managed to check out. When he left the store, the lady followed.
"Did you know you have a nice, tight @$$?" She asked him. Vegeta blushed. He was flattered and mad at the same time. "Uh....thank you. Now don't you have like...parents or a boyfriend or something to go home to?" He asked. He tried his best to knock her into the street or something by trying to make it look like an accident but it didn't work. She woulden't shut up and quit following him!! Oh, how he wished he could just ki blast her down to hell. "You're hot." The lady said. Vegeta blushed harder. "You know, you are really irratating me." He said. "What if I said you were ugly?" "Oh, I know I'm ugly." The lady said. She kept talking Vegeta's ear off. They finally reached his hotel. "O.K, this is my hotel. Now, could you leave me alone? You're not following me inside." He said. "Oh, fine." She said. Vegeta was about to go when he felt her grab his @$$.
Bulma was looking out the front window of the hotel enjoying the scenery of Paris, when she saw Vegeta come walking up the sidewalk with a pretty woman about his size. She looked about in her twentys. "What the-" Bulma said. She continued watching them. Vegeta looked pretty annoyed, but he was blushing. Perhaps? No. But, then she saw the woman grab his @$$. "Oh my GOD!!" She said, and closed the window. She ran and jumped on the bed and chewed up Vegeta's favorite pillow.
"You B*tch!!" Vegeta said. He whirled around and whacked her with a fist so hard she went flying. "I told you I was married, you slut!!" He hollered. Everybody was staring, even though they didn't know what he was saying. He then, just for kicks, went over and kicked her into a phonebooth. Someone who was inside saw the girls limp figure fly tworeds the phonebooth and screeched, defending her face with her hands. The girl crashed through the glass and landed at the poor caller's feet. Vegeta laughed. "Hahahahahaha!!" He said, grabbing his bag. Then he walked inside the hotel. He went up to his room and saw Bulma was chewing up his Marvin the Martian favorite pillow!! "Hey!! Leave Marvin alone!! What did he do?!" Vegeta asked. Bulma brought her inraged face up. "It's not what MARVIN did!! It's what YOU did!!" She shouted. Vegeta was puzzled. "What did I do? I did nothing!!" He said. Bulma took a coin and bent it with her teeth. "Oh yes you did!! I saw that woman pinch your @$$!! You're cheating on me!!" She shouted. Vegeta then remembered when the woman had pinched his @$$. But he haden't wanted it!! She was simply an annoying human!! "But Bulma, I'm not-" "SHUT UP!!!" Bulma threw the lamp at Veggie. Vegeta caught it in his hands. "Bulma, now, just let me talk.." Bulma then threw a lotion bottle at him. He caught this too. She then threw dishes and soap bars and anything she could get her hands on at him. Vegeta avoided it all. "Let me explain, woman!!" He shouted. She launched herself at him and began to kick and punch. Vegeta hollered with annoyance and not pain. Bulma grabbed a soap bar and began to scrub soap in poor Vegeta's eyes. "OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!! STOPPIT!! STOPPIT, PLEASE!!" He shouted. He thought he'd be blind when she was done with him!! She finally stopped scrubbing his eyes and put the soap bar in his mouth. Vegeta made a terrible face and spit it out, but Bulma, who was straddling him, woulden't let him get up. She punched him in his burning eyes. "Bulma!!" Vegeta yelped. His eyes were tightly closed so he could not seem to find her. When he peared them open what he saw didn't look like his wife but one pissed off grizzly bear. Vegeta swung an arm and flung her against the wall. She slid down it, stunned. "Now, BULMA, are you going to let me talk?" He asked. She was breathing hard. She didn't want to stare directly at his eyes. "Don't you EVER use your freakish alien powers on me AGAIN." She said. Vegeta grumbled. "I didn't have much of a choice." He said. "Now, I am not cheating on you. While I was getting your food this woman that I ran into woulden't leave me alone. She even followed me down the street! Then when I tried to come into the apartment she grabbed my @$$ so I whirled around and punched her into a phonebooth." Bulma still didn't look directly at him. Then she ran up to him and gave him a huge hug. "I want to go HOME, Vegeta!!" She cried. Vegeta was stunned. Haden't she just been mad at him about a second before? "Why do you want to go home? I think we're having fun." Veggie said. "No! We're NOT having fun! This trip has been terrible and I just want to leave." She said. She buried her face in Vegeta's chest, getting his tight shirt damp. Then she shot her head up and seized both sides of his jacket. "PROMISE ME that we'll go home tomorrow Vegeta." She said. "Uhh..." Vegeta said. Bulma yanked on his jacket. Vegeta just stood there, staring at her. "PLEASE!!" She said. Vegeta sighed. "Oh, alright. Tomorrow we try to catch a flight and get home." He said. Bulma hugged him as tight as she could.
"Where are we going?" Bulma asked Vegeta as he led her out of the motel room. "I'm taking you somewhere nice." He said. He saw a dance studio and thought Bulma might like that. But he didn't dance. So he decided just not to tell Bulma about it, but she saw it. "Oh!! Vegeta, please!! Let's go dancing!!" Bulma said. Vegeta groaned and made a horrible face. "Why?" He asked. "Because you never dance with me." Bulma said. Vegeta began to think how he'd look dancing. He imagined himself tripping and falling and everyone laughing at him. "No. Come on." He said. Bulma jerked him backwards. "PLEASE?" She asked. Vegeta looked down into her sad eyes. "Oh, alright." He said. He led her inside the dance studio. A gay looking French guy was the dance instructor. He spoke rather clumsy English. "Bonjour!'" The dance instructor said. Vegeta gave a meek wave and Bulma came up to shake hands with the man. Vegeta jerked her backwards. "Careful. He likes men." Geeta said. The dance instructor led them over to the dance floor. "Watch these couples. It might give you advice on how to dance." The instructor said. Vegeta and Bulma watched. "Here." Bulma said. She grabbed both Vegeta's hands in both of hers and began trying to lead him in a dance. But he kept tripping over his own feet and falling. After about the 15th time of helping Vegeta up Bulma was getting mighty tired of this. "Veggie, I know you can do it! Just try!!" She said. Vegeta tried but still kept falling into Bulma. Once he even accidently knocked her into the water table and spilled water everywhere. "Oh Veggie." Bulma said, slapping her head. Vegeta sat down on a bench and crossed his arms. "Dance by yourself." He said. Bulma was shocked. "By MYSELF?!!" She said. Vegeta nodded. He thought she was, but when he looked up he saw her dancing with another man. They were dancing perfectly, and Vegeta was filled with jealousy. He was very sad now. As he was being sad a woman walked up to him. "Want to dance?" A woman asked Vegeta. Vegeta brought his eyes up to her and saw she was a rather homely woman. "Um... no thanks." Vegeta said. "Please!!? I think you're cute!!" said the homely woman. Vegeta was shocked. He blushed. "Uh.... I can't dance." He said. He looked at the ground to hide his bashfulness. But he soon found himself dancing with her. They both danced horrible so it didn't matter.
"Where to next?" Bulma asked Vegeta as they walked down the sidewalk. "Uh.... I dunno." Veggie said. He was still kind of upset about her little dance with that one man, and he didn't know why. "Let's go into that store!!" Bulma said, pointing. The store was called 'Hanky Pankies.' But it was in French. Vegeta let out a gale out laughter. "Hanky Pankies? How come you want to go to 'Hanky Pankies?'" He asked. "I thought I was exiting enough!!" "Yes, you are. But maybe if we go into this place we can find something BETTER!!" Bulma said. They walked inside the store. What kind of a sicko would open up a sex store? Vegeta thought, for the store was filled with...you guessed it. "Wow, Veggie! They have condoms of every color and size!!" Bulma said with a little bit high volume. Vegeta blushed. He wasen't looking around because he didn't want to see what obscene items this store carried. "Look Veggie!! Roll playing costumes!!" Bulma said. Vegeta blushed so hard that his face looked like it was painted with blood. Bulma enjoyed embarrassing him to death. He looked around to see if anyone was watching, and people were. Plenty of people were watching. PLENTY. "Bulma..." He mumbled. "I wanna get OUTTA here....." She just kept looking at the items and suggesting them to Veggie. Vegeta would always shrug his shoulders when she asked him about something. "Look at these dice, Geeta!!" Bulma said. Vegeta looked. They were two big stuffed red dice. Written on one of them was stuff like 'Lick', 'suck.' ,'blow', 'tease', and etc. On the other one was stuff like 'above waist', 'below waist,' 'ear', 'lips' etc. Vegeta cocked his head. "What are these for? How come dice would be in a...snuggle store?" He asked. "They're sex dice!!" Bulma whispered into his ear. Vegeta blushed. "Sex dice, huh.... how do you use them?" He whispered back. Didn't they say learn something new each day? "You role both of them. And if one says 'Massage' and one says 'above waistline' you'd hafta massage your partner above the waistline!!" Bulma said. Vegeta blushed somemore. Think of what he could make Bulma DO with these things!! "Let's get them!!" Vegeta said. Bulma laughed. "You aren't thinking of anything, are you?" She asked. Vegeta turned his head away. Bulma just decided to make him happy and buy the dice.
After a long evening of tireing walking and shopping they finally got home. Bulma stuffed the bag of newly purchased clothes into the suitcase. "O.K. Let's test these things." She said, pulling out the dice. Vegeta saw them and was instantly exited. He ran over by her to watch her do it. Bulma threw them on the ground and Vegeta squeezed his eyes closed. He hoped she got one saying 'Massage' and the other saying ' Below waistline'! But when he opened his eyes he saw it said 'Kiss' and 'Ear'. Vegeta groaned. "How BORING!!" He said, as Bulma leaned over and kissed his ear. Vegeta batted at it to get the spit off. "O.K, O.K, it's my turn." He said. Bulma shook her head and put the dice away. "Not now. Tonight." She said. Vegeta groaned. "But I can't wait until tonight!!" He said. He rolled on the ground and began to kick and scream. Bulma frowned. "Geeta, get up off that floor!!" She said. Vegeta obeyed. He went and began to write into his diary. "What are you writing?" Bulma asked. "Bad stuff about you." Geeta answered.
Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or any other trademarked materials in this fanfiction.
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"Please get out of the floor and SCREW with me." Bulma said. "We can do it all day, all night, until tomorrow morning!! We can.... there's no point in saying. It'll give me throat cancer." Vegeta looked at her funny. "No thank you. Geeta will just watch T.V.." He began. "YOU'RE HORNY AND YOU KNOW IT!! GIVE IN TO THE MOOD!!" Bulma yelled. Vegeta thought she was going a little crazy. Probably either because her parents were dead or seperation anxiety from her kids. And maybe the fact that Trunks was in a shelter. "Help me up." Vegeta ordered. Bulma offered him a hand and he took it and hoisted himself up. "I don't enjoy falling off tables." Vegeta said. He went and sat on the bed to watch 'Baywatch.' I'm not even going to tell you the parts of the girls that he looks at. It should be very clear to you already if you're reading this story at a decent age. "Don't watch that. Screw me." Bulma said. Vegeta growled. "I wanna get back in the bath." He said. "By MYSELF. And listen to my headbanging music and wash MYSELF." Bulma jumped on him and began to mack him. "Get off me you leech woman or I'll KICK you off!!" Vegeta said. But then he realized that he really liked it when she forced herself on him. And she really liked it when he played hard to get. It was a major turn on for her and Veggie knew it. Soon they began the process of strip- let's not get into this.
After they 'snuggled' they lay in eachother's arms. Bulma had a slip on and Veggie was just in those little gucchi shorts he was wearing that was Bulma's. Geeta was covered in perspiration so he looked shiny. "You're so shiny I can't look at you!" Bulma said. Vegeta wiped the sweat off his body with the sheets. "I really wasen't in the mood." Vegeta said. "That's why I let you take control this time." Bulma didn't say anything. "Hey, what's that music?" She asked. Vegeta listened. "Oh, remember there was music playing when we were in the tub? The music I picked? I must have left it on while we made love." He said. It was now on a rap song. Vegeta really liked it. "Hey, this sounds like pole dancing music." Bulma said. "You wanna freak dance?" At first Vegeta declined because he was so tired from having sex. But he had to say, those rose petals certainly made it more interesting. He thought he had rose petals in his mouth. "I'm too tired to freak dance. It's 10:00, let's go to sleep so we can do more stuff tomorrow." Vegeta said. Bulma began to nag and whine. "Oh, fine, but don't blame me when we're both sore again." Veggie say. He pulled himself to his feet and Bulma dragged him over there by an arm. She began freakdancing him and Vegeta just stood there like a ragdoll. "You're boring! You're supposed to do it back!!" Bulma said. Vegeta shrugged and began doing bump and grinds and things. When they were really getting into it, they both heard a dull pop. "Ouch! My back!!" Bulma said, clasping it. Vegeta was laughing so hard he could barely do anything about it. "Lemme see!!" He chortled. He looked and there was no marks on her back. "It probably just popped rather painfully." Vegeta said. He helped her sit down on the bed. "I'm so OLD!!" She cried. She started to bawl and pound her fist on the trashy water bed. Vegeta sat by her. "Now, you're not old!! You're...just not as young as you used to be, that's all." He said. He tried to comfort her from crying. "See? I have a happy life!! I've always had a happy life!! You hafta be happy and act like me!! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!" Vegeta said. Bulma sobbed. "No, Vegeta. Actually your life has been worse than mine. You had a terrible childhood, you were abused, your own planet got blown up, your father was killed, I can go on for at least an hour." She said. Vegeta shrugged. "But see? If you hold in your sadness-" "I'll turn into a jerk like you did." Bulma finished for him. Vegeta frowned horribly. He turned the T.V to a French form of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.' "We need to go to sleep so we can wake up early and do stuff here! We only have two days left." Vegeta said. Bulma sat up. "No. I hate it here. It's horrible! We lost our rental car so we hafta pay out the @$$ to replace it, we hafta walk everywhere, you don't wanna snuggle with me.... IT'S HORRIBLE!!" She said. Vegeta was sad."But I wanted you to like this trip!!" He said. "I like it!!" Bulma didn't say anything, so Vegeta picked up his cell phone. "I'm calling Bra." He said. Bulma still didn't say anything so Geeta dialed Bra's number and began to talk with her.
"What did she say?" Bulma asked when Vegeta hung up. Vegeta was laughing really hard. "Wanna know what Trunks did?" He asked, banging a fist on the night stand. "What?" Bulma asked. "TRUNKS CHANGED HIS NAME TO BURT!!" Vegeta shouted and laughed so hard he banged his head on the floor when he fell off the bed. "Veggie!" Bulma said, helping him up. "He changed his name to BURT." Bulma said, plainly. Geeta let out gales of laughter. "Yeah!! Isn't that the most?! BURT!! WHO ON EARTH WOULD CHANGE THEIR NAME TO BURT? IT'S THE FUNNIEST SOUNDING NAME IN THE WORLD!!!" He yelled. Bulma smacked him and he shut up. "It's not funny it's TERRIBLE." She said. "We worked so hard to make him possible....and he changed his name to BURT. We worked together to name him....and he changed his name to BURT." Vegeta cleared his throat. "Actually I had no part in naming Trunks. I didn't care back then." Vegeta said. "Oh yea." Bulma whispered. Vegeta covered up. "Geeta go- I'm going night night." He said. Bulma gasped. "No!!" She said, jumping on top of him. Geeta got the wind knocked out of him. "Ouch!!" He said. "I don't want you to go to sleep, Geeta. I wanna cuddle with you." Bulma said. Vegeta growled."What's wrong with you lately?" He said, and rolled over. Bulma got an idea. She took a Viagra pill and began to crush it. Then she got a coke and put the crushed up Viagra in it. "Drink this Geeta." She said. "It'll make you not tired." Vegeta groaned and set up. Bulma looked at his sexy body and shuttered. He was SOOOO sexy!! Vegeta took the coke and took a big drink. "This tastes funny. Aw well." He said. He gulped it down. "Tuck Tuck." He said. (This means tuck me in.) Bulma came over and gave him a hug and a kiss goodnight. Then she tucked the blankets all around him. Then she climbed in bed herself, and turned the lamp off. "Good night Geeta." She said. Vegeta grunted and kissed her hand. Then he closed his eyes. After about 30 minutes Vegeta was waking Bulma up. "Bulma! Let's make love!!" He said, grabbing the bottom of her gown. Bulma rolled over. "No!!" She said as she snatched it away from him. "Go to sleep!!" Vegeta was kicking his feet in bed. "please please please please please please please!!!!" He shouted. Bulma rolled over and looked at him. She noticed he was most likely horny from the Viagra. "Go to sleep." She said again. Vegeta rolled up in the sheets and they pulled away from Bulma. "Snuggle snuggle SNUGGLE!!" Vegeta yelled. He thumped to the floor. "Snuggle with me, Bulma! I'll make it the best you ever had!!" Bulma threw a shoe at him. "Can you shut up so I can go to sleep?!" She asked. She closed her eyes. But when she heard a ripping noise she opened them and noticed Geeta was tearing up the sheets with his mouth. "VEGETA!!" She shouted. She jerked them away from dat Geeta as he ran over and began to throw chairs in the air. "Snuggle with me and I'll stop!!" He shouted. He punched a fist into the T.V. He screamed and broke the windows and cracked the walls. He stomped and caused the floor to crack. He gritted his teeth when she woulden't get up. He finally poked a pin into the water bed and a stream of water shot out of it. "Veggie!!" Bulma shouted. "Stop that!!" Vegeta broke everything he could get his hands on. "I should write a book. If you give Vegeta a Viagra." Bulma mumbled. Vegeta jumped on the bed and started to jump on it.
"I told you we'd get kicked out, Veggie! Now we're out on the streets and it's DARK!" Bulma yelled into Veggie's face. "AND WE DON'T HAVE A CAR!!" Vegeta cringed back. "S-Sorry." He said. It started to rain on their heads. "That's great, JUST GREAT." Bulma said. Come on." She grabbed Veggie's wrist and began to drag him after her. "Where are we going?" Vegeta asked. "WE'RE FINDING A MOTEL!!" She yelled. "But we are rich, and rich people use HOTELS." Vegeta said. Bulma whirled around and looked at him with the worst look ever. "WHO CARES. THERE'S A MOTEL CLOSER, ABOUT A BLOCK AWAY." She growled. Vegeta slowley nodded. His hair was getting wet and he didn't like it at all. After getting very wet they finally found a motel. It was similar to 'Motel 6' but it would hafta do. They rushed inside and ran up to the counter. "We need to check in!!" Bulma shouted desperatly. The clerk nodded and began to type something on her computer. Vegeta went and sat down in a chair. It broke. "What a trashy hotel." He muttered. After about 15 minutes Bulma came walking back. "Hokay. We got a room." She said. vegeta grabbed the bags and they went tworeds room six. They got in and about a million cock roaches scurried. "Well...... uh..... at least we're not wet anymore!!!" Vegeta said. Bulma sighed and clapsed into a rocking chair. It tipped backward and she fell on the floor. "Oh no!" Vegeta said. He ran over and helped her up. "This trip is HORRIBLE! I just want to go back home!!" Bulma yelled. Vegeta was sad. He had wanted her to like this trip. "Come on, Bulma!! Tomorrow we can go to the Eifle Tower, and go on another buggy ride, and ride horses... it'll be fun!!" He shouted. Bulma scowled. She jumped into the bed. "Goodnight." She said, and rolled over. Vegeta climbed into the bed with her after turning out the lights. "You know, this is the perfect spot to snuggle." Geeta said. Bulma waved him off. But the more she thought about it the more it seemed good because it would take her mind off everything. "Alright." She said. They began that macking and stuff discusting. When Bulma stripped Vegeta's shirt off he felt a sharp pain in his thigh. "What the hell?" He said. They both just continued until Vegeta felt it on his back. He jumped. "Veggie? Something wrong?" Bulma asked. Vegeta shook his head. They began to kiss again, and Bulma took Veggie's shorts off so he was only in his underwear. But then he felt the sharp pain AGAIN, this time on his back again. "I'm seeing what that is." Veggie said. He sat up and lifted the covers. There was a huge snake under the covers. "AAGH! SNAKE! IT BIT ME 3 TIMES!!" Vegeta yelled. He pushed Bulma off the bed to protect her. She was screaming and yelling. "Do something!!!" Bulma yelled. Vegeta used a powerball and fried the snake. The charred remains were left on the bedsheets. Vegeta lifted his leg and looked at one of the bites. "Ow. It hurts." He said. Bulma climbed on the bed. "Are you gonna be O.K? Do you need a hospital?" She asked. Vegeta shook his head. "No, I'm a saiyan remember? His poisen doesen't phase me because I'm stronger than a human." He said. "But it's still bleeding and it still HURTS." Bulma went and got the medical kit out of their suitcase. "I'm still gonna pump the poisen out of you because I want to be safe about it. You could be liying for your PRIDE, as you so call it." Bulma said. Vegeta groaned. "I don't lie." He said, under his breath. Bulma put the pump on the bite on his thigh. Geeta saw his skin rise up under the little mouthpeice. "Is that normal?" He asked. Bulma nodded and she pulled up on the little lever thing. Geeta thought it felt weird. "That's weird." He said. "It's like a little vaccuum cleaner except theirs no noise." Bulma rolled her eyes and got some gauze and neosporin and tape. She put it on. "Two more on my back." Geeta said. He winced as Bulma pumped the poisen out of them. Then she put the band-aids on him. "You know, putting band-aids on your perfect body takes some of the sexiness away." Bulma said. Vegeta tried to rip them off but she stopped him. "But I want to be sexy! I want to get people in the mood!!" Vegeta said. Bulma laughed. "First of all, how can you look sexy when your hair is wet?" She said, tousling his hair. Vegeta slapped her hand away. "What does that hafta do with anything?" He asked. "Because it's all messed up." She said. Vegeta felt of it. "Well you just messed it up even more." He said. He fixed it back up. "I'm using the hair dryer." He said. He got it out of one of the suitcases and walked into the bathroom. "O.K.... how do I work this?" He asked himself. He read the instructions. "Put plug into electrical outlet." He read outloud. He looked over at the outlet. "Is that it? If so, it'll be electrified." Vegeta said. He went and got a fork then ran back into the bathroom. "O.K. This should tell me if it's electric." He said. He stuck the fork's tong into the outlet. "YYYYYYYAAAAAAHHHH!!" He screamed, shaky like as it shocked the hell out of him. Bulma heard him scream and came in. She saw him with the fork inside the electrical outlet and he was holding on and being shocked. "Hang on Veggie!!!" She said. She knew if she touched him she might be electrocuted too, so she grabbed the suitcase and threw it at him. It knocked him down and the fork came out of the outlet. NOW his hair was singed and charred. "I like your hair thataway." Bulma joked, as Vegeta coughed out smoke.
"Now that HURT." He said. He got up and he felt strange. Like he was walking on air or something. "Can you plug this in for me?" He asked. Bulma plugged it in and Vegeta observed how she did it. Then she turned it on. "Do it." Geeta said. Bulma began to blow dry his hair.
"I'm done. But their's something else I want to do. Give me that fork." Bulma said. Vegeta handed it to her. She stuck it in some of the baby hair in the front of his hair. "Whadda you doing?" Vegeta asked. "You'll see." Bulma said. She twirled the fork as hard as she could, pulling as she did so. "OWCH! YOUR PULLING MY HAIR OUT BY THE ROOTS, WOMAN!!" Vegeta screamed. Bulma finished twirling it and pulled the fork out of his hair, making a rather large curl on his forehead. Then she hairsprayed it in. "There." She said, giving Vegeta the mirror. Vegeta looked in and was stricken with horror. "MY HAIR!! YOU PUT A CURL IN MY HAIR!!" He said. Bulma was laughing so hard she could barely stand up. "Yes, I did." She said. "I look like a homosexual!!" Vegeta said. Bulma shrugged. Vegeta began yanking at the curly but it woulden't come out. "Get it out!!" He said. Bulma got some water in her hands and put it on the curly. She put it in, and then combed the curl. But it still didn't come out. "Get it out!!!" Vegeta shouted again. Bulma laughed and put gel on the curl. then she straightened it back up and put it in its usual place. "Thank you." Vegeta said. He got up. "I think my hair's fine now." He went into the living room and clapsed on the bed. But he roared and curled up when he felt another sharp pain on his chest. "OW!!" He said. When he tried to get off the bed he felt a sharp pain in his back, neck, and tummy. "Geeta?" Bulma said. Vegeta was yowling. "There's some kind of a spiky spik in that bed!!" He said. Bulma lifted up the covers. And besides a couple snake skins there were Indian needle weeds, and some bugs, and a tack. "God, who last stayed in this room? He must have traveled a lot." Vegeta said. He brushed it off the bed. He then got under the covers and hoped something didn't get in his pants or something. Just to be safe he took them off and got back in his underwear. "Come to bed. We've had too many adventures for one night." He said. Bulma got back into her gown and went to bed with dat Geeta. They FINALLY got to go to sleep that night.
The next morning they both arouse at the same time. Vegeta had a look of horror on his face when he looked at Bulma. "YOU'RE COVERED IN COCKROACHES!!!" He hollered. Bulma shreaked as Vegeta brushed them all off her. One crawled out of the collar of her gown. "That was GROSS." She said. Vegeta nodded. A heck of a way to wake up in the morning. Bulma got up and stretched. She got the bacon she had bought for Veggie the night before and began to cook it. "I want some bacon." Vegeta said. "You'll hafta wait." Bulma responded as she flipped a peice of bacon. After a while Vegeta grew mighty impatient. He walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist. "Go away, You're distracting me." Bulma said. Vegeta squeezed her as hard as he could, and it took her a minute to catch her breath. "I want some bacon." Veggie said. "Too bad." Bulma replied. Vegeta walked over to the skillet and reached his hand in like an idiot. But it burned and popped him when he tried to grab a peice. "OUCH!" He shouted, recoiling his hand. Bulma laughed. "Lemme see." She said. Vegeta showed her as he pouted. "Ohh..." Bulma said. She kissed it. "I want some!!" Vegeta whined. Bulma got tired of his constant whining. "HERE YA GO!!!" she shouted, and threw a peice of sizzling hot bacon in his mouth. Vegeta's eyes widened and he screamed. "Owch!! Hurt Geeta!!" He screamed. Bulma drug him into the bathroom and put some water in his mouth. "You O.K? Sorry I did that; I really coulden't help it." She said. Vegeta nodded. How come she was always so mean to him? Why? Bulma then remembered her bacon and rushed back to the old rusty stove. She flipped 2 peices. Vegeta went and sat down at the table and waited rather patiently for his cooled off bacon.
"It's ready!!!" Bulma shouted. Vegeta clapped as Bulma gave them each 16 peices of bacon. Vegeta licked his chops and threw a peice in his mouth. As he chewed he realized just how delicious the food really was until...the aftertaste hit. And it was a horrible aftertaste, so terrible he coulden't stand it. Bulma was experiencing the same thing. "What's that taste?" Vegeta asked, then he gulped down some water. "I think it's just the brand. But we're going to eat it because I went out to get it for you when we were having a romantic moment." Bulma said. She popped another peice into her mouth and groaned with the terrible aftertaste. "EWW! That's so discusting!!" Bulma said. Vegeta nodded and pinched his nose closed while he ate another bite. "You sure you cooked it all the way?" He asked, in a nasal voice. "YES, I cooked it all the way and don't you deny that I did." Bulma said. She ate another peice and dry-heaved. Vegeta tried to slip the rest of his in his napkin but Bulma caught him. Vegeta put a bunch of sugar on his bacon. "SUGAR? on BACON?" Bulma asked. Vegeta shrugged. "Hey, it'll make it taste better." He said. Bulma decided that she'd just eat hers normal because she thought sugar made it so much more discusting. Soon they were both done, and glad. "Thank god." Bulma said. She began to wash their plates and cups and Geeta just watched.
"Ohhhhh... My tummy..." Bulma said, coming around the corner. Vegeta saw her clasping her stomach. Vegeta was clasping his too. "Mine hurts too......" He groaned. He felt like he would do the tecknicolor yawn any second now. "I told you that bacon was bad." Vegeta groaned. "But you just didn't listen!!" He brined a shot of pain. Bulma dry heaved into a potted plant but all that came out was water. "I wonder if there was something IN that bacon..." Bulma said. She went over and grabbed the package. She sniffed the inside and there was no funny smells. Then it hit her to look at the expireation date. It had expired six months earlier!! "Vegeta, that bacon was very expired!!" Bulma shouted. She saw Vegeta with a hand cupped over his mouth. They both began running for the bathroom at the same time. Vegeta reached the toilet first and began puking into it. "Vegeta, hurry!! I'm about to puke all over the floor!!" Bulma hollered. Vegeta just kept on puking with nasty sounds. Bulma decided she coulden't hold it much longer and she puked all over the back of Vegeta's pants and the rug, and the tile floor. Vegeta soon got done puking and saw what Bulma had done. "Discusting, Bulma!!" He said. But before changing his pants he made sure she was alright. He limped over to his suitcase despite his aching stomach and got some new pants out. He stripped off his old ones and pulled these ones on. Bulma walked over. "Sorry I puked on you." She moaned. Vegeta didn't say anything but saw her get the materials to clean the bathroom floor. Then he saw how horrible she looked. "Bulma, I'll do it." He said. Bulma shook her head. "You're sick too and you need to lay down!!" She said. Vegeta just grabbed the cleaner from her and began to clean the puke. Bulma made herself a puke bucket and lay down in the bed.
At 10:00 AM, they both lay in bed with puke buckets on the ground next to them. "Did I tell you that this trip has been a bust?" Bulma asked. Vegeta listened to the ticking clock for a second. "Yes. Several times." He said. They both were silent. The clock's ticking was enough to drive anyone insane. "And did I tell you that I'm FURIOUS that you took me on this trip?" Bulma asked. Vegeta gulped and prepared for the worst. And sure enough, the worst happened. "YOU IDIOT, IF YOU HADEN'T HAVE DECIDED YOU WANTED TO MAKE ME HAPPY NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED!! NONE OF IT!! FOR NOW ON YOU JUST KEEP YOUR SYMPATHY TO YOURSELF AND LET ME TAKE CARE OF THINGS!!!" She hollered. Vegeta whimpered. He listened to the clock somemore. "Uh.... you didn't hafta come." He said. "I could have come by myself ALL ALONE and then you'd be at home with BRA!! Now how would you have liked THAT?" Vegeta asked. He knew that Bra was such a whiny brat that nobody could stand her. "Oh, I guess you make a point." Bulma said. Vegeta rolled over and thought he was going to puke but he just dry heaved into the little bucket. He was sick of this. "Well, I think we can get up and do something now don't you?" Bulma asked Veggie. Vegeta rolled over. He looked and felt fine now, but Bulma wasen't so sure of herself. She thought she might still have some throw up left inside her. "Are you sure you're up to it?" Vegeta asked. "I'm a saiyan so now I'm perfectly well but you're a human so you're still sick." Bulma smiled. She was so glad he cared about her!! "If I could right now Vegeta I'd give you a hanky panky." Bulma said. Vegeta sat up and began to pull his clothes on. "I'm gonna go and buy you some popsicles." He said. He put on his sleeveless jacket and biking gloves last of all. "Is there anything else you would like?" Vegeta asked. "I want some Macaroni and Cheese." said Bulma. Vegeta scribbled both things she wanted on a Post-It note and went outside.
Because Paris was an unusual place for Vegeta he wasen't sure where to go. He had tried to ask several people but they had just stared at him funny because he was English. Bulma had given him a little French Pocketbook for emergencys. In Vegeta's eyes these emercencys would be hot girls. He aimlessley walked for about 15 minutes, trying to find a sign that said '`epicerie' . Finally he stopped a French woman. "Uhhh..... ou` epicerie?" He asked. (Translation: Where Grocer's?) "tout droit." She said. (Translation: Up ahead) "ummm...remerciers, la dame." Vegeta said. (Thanks, lady) He walked up ahead and sure enough, there it was. He felt so stupid, but it had been his first French conversation. Even if he had to look it up in a travel book. He went into the grocer's shop. "Macaroni and Cheese... Popsicles..." He kept muttering under his breath. As he stalked to find the popsicles, he bumped into someone. "Ah!" He said. When he looked into her face he noticed she was pretty. "de`sole`." She said. (Sorry.) Vegeta scratched his head. He didn't know what that meant! He quickly pulled out his handy dandy French notebook. He saw it meant 'sorry'. So Vegeta looked up a response. "c`est
bien."(It's fine) Vegeta said. The lady nodded. Then she rattled off a whole sentence in French. "Uh.... Oh sh*t!!" Vegeta mumbled. "Excuse me? You talk English too? I thought I was the only one!!" The woman said. Vegeta was happy. Finally someone to talk to besides his nagging wife!! "Where is the popsicles? My wife is sick and she wants some." Vegeta said. The woman pointed to the freezer. "And the Macaroni?" Vegeta asked. She pointed there too. As Vegeta thanked her and walked away, she followed. "You have a wife? Is she pretty?" The girl asked. Vegeta was getting mighty uncomfortable with her company. "Yes, She's radiant." He answered shortly. He got a whole box of popsicles out of the refrigerator and walked on. "Is she as young as you are?" The lady asked. Vegeta growled. "Actually, she's younger. She's 56, I'm 57." He said. The lady's eyes widened as she wondered how a man that......middle aged could look so young. "You're liying." She said. "NO, I'm not. Now could you like, SHOO, please? I'm on a tight schedule." He said. But she didn't leave. She kept on rattling off questions about his personal life. Vegeta stomped a foot. "Now, can I ask you a personal question too? Do you delight in flirting with married men?" He asked. The lady was a bit shocked but kept on asking him questions. Vegeta finally went up to the checkout counter and managed to check out. When he left the store, the lady followed.
"Did you know you have a nice, tight @$$?" She asked him. Vegeta blushed. He was flattered and mad at the same time. "Uh....thank you. Now don't you have like...parents or a boyfriend or something to go home to?" He asked. He tried his best to knock her into the street or something by trying to make it look like an accident but it didn't work. She woulden't shut up and quit following him!! Oh, how he wished he could just ki blast her down to hell. "You're hot." The lady said. Vegeta blushed harder. "You know, you are really irratating me." He said. "What if I said you were ugly?" "Oh, I know I'm ugly." The lady said. She kept talking Vegeta's ear off. They finally reached his hotel. "O.K, this is my hotel. Now, could you leave me alone? You're not following me inside." He said. "Oh, fine." She said. Vegeta was about to go when he felt her grab his @$$.
Bulma was looking out the front window of the hotel enjoying the scenery of Paris, when she saw Vegeta come walking up the sidewalk with a pretty woman about his size. She looked about in her twentys. "What the-" Bulma said. She continued watching them. Vegeta looked pretty annoyed, but he was blushing. Perhaps? No. But, then she saw the woman grab his @$$. "Oh my GOD!!" She said, and closed the window. She ran and jumped on the bed and chewed up Vegeta's favorite pillow.
"You B*tch!!" Vegeta said. He whirled around and whacked her with a fist so hard she went flying. "I told you I was married, you slut!!" He hollered. Everybody was staring, even though they didn't know what he was saying. He then, just for kicks, went over and kicked her into a phonebooth. Someone who was inside saw the girls limp figure fly tworeds the phonebooth and screeched, defending her face with her hands. The girl crashed through the glass and landed at the poor caller's feet. Vegeta laughed. "Hahahahahaha!!" He said, grabbing his bag. Then he walked inside the hotel. He went up to his room and saw Bulma was chewing up his Marvin the Martian favorite pillow!! "Hey!! Leave Marvin alone!! What did he do?!" Vegeta asked. Bulma brought her inraged face up. "It's not what MARVIN did!! It's what YOU did!!" She shouted. Vegeta was puzzled. "What did I do? I did nothing!!" He said. Bulma took a coin and bent it with her teeth. "Oh yes you did!! I saw that woman pinch your @$$!! You're cheating on me!!" She shouted. Vegeta then remembered when the woman had pinched his @$$. But he haden't wanted it!! She was simply an annoying human!! "But Bulma, I'm not-" "SHUT UP!!!" Bulma threw the lamp at Veggie. Vegeta caught it in his hands. "Bulma, now, just let me talk.." Bulma then threw a lotion bottle at him. He caught this too. She then threw dishes and soap bars and anything she could get her hands on at him. Vegeta avoided it all. "Let me explain, woman!!" He shouted. She launched herself at him and began to kick and punch. Vegeta hollered with annoyance and not pain. Bulma grabbed a soap bar and began to scrub soap in poor Vegeta's eyes. "OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!! STOPPIT!! STOPPIT, PLEASE!!" He shouted. He thought he'd be blind when she was done with him!! She finally stopped scrubbing his eyes and put the soap bar in his mouth. Vegeta made a terrible face and spit it out, but Bulma, who was straddling him, woulden't let him get up. She punched him in his burning eyes. "Bulma!!" Vegeta yelped. His eyes were tightly closed so he could not seem to find her. When he peared them open what he saw didn't look like his wife but one pissed off grizzly bear. Vegeta swung an arm and flung her against the wall. She slid down it, stunned. "Now, BULMA, are you going to let me talk?" He asked. She was breathing hard. She didn't want to stare directly at his eyes. "Don't you EVER use your freakish alien powers on me AGAIN." She said. Vegeta grumbled. "I didn't have much of a choice." He said. "Now, I am not cheating on you. While I was getting your food this woman that I ran into woulden't leave me alone. She even followed me down the street! Then when I tried to come into the apartment she grabbed my @$$ so I whirled around and punched her into a phonebooth." Bulma still didn't look directly at him. Then she ran up to him and gave him a huge hug. "I want to go HOME, Vegeta!!" She cried. Vegeta was stunned. Haden't she just been mad at him about a second before? "Why do you want to go home? I think we're having fun." Veggie said. "No! We're NOT having fun! This trip has been terrible and I just want to leave." She said. She buried her face in Vegeta's chest, getting his tight shirt damp. Then she shot her head up and seized both sides of his jacket. "PROMISE ME that we'll go home tomorrow Vegeta." She said. "Uhh..." Vegeta said. Bulma yanked on his jacket. Vegeta just stood there, staring at her. "PLEASE!!" She said. Vegeta sighed. "Oh, alright. Tomorrow we try to catch a flight and get home." He said. Bulma hugged him as tight as she could.
"Where are we going?" Bulma asked Vegeta as he led her out of the motel room. "I'm taking you somewhere nice." He said. He saw a dance studio and thought Bulma might like that. But he didn't dance. So he decided just not to tell Bulma about it, but she saw it. "Oh!! Vegeta, please!! Let's go dancing!!" Bulma said. Vegeta groaned and made a horrible face. "Why?" He asked. "Because you never dance with me." Bulma said. Vegeta began to think how he'd look dancing. He imagined himself tripping and falling and everyone laughing at him. "No. Come on." He said. Bulma jerked him backwards. "PLEASE?" She asked. Vegeta looked down into her sad eyes. "Oh, alright." He said. He led her inside the dance studio. A gay looking French guy was the dance instructor. He spoke rather clumsy English. "Bonjour!'" The dance instructor said. Vegeta gave a meek wave and Bulma came up to shake hands with the man. Vegeta jerked her backwards. "Careful. He likes men." Geeta said. The dance instructor led them over to the dance floor. "Watch these couples. It might give you advice on how to dance." The instructor said. Vegeta and Bulma watched. "Here." Bulma said. She grabbed both Vegeta's hands in both of hers and began trying to lead him in a dance. But he kept tripping over his own feet and falling. After about the 15th time of helping Vegeta up Bulma was getting mighty tired of this. "Veggie, I know you can do it! Just try!!" She said. Vegeta tried but still kept falling into Bulma. Once he even accidently knocked her into the water table and spilled water everywhere. "Oh Veggie." Bulma said, slapping her head. Vegeta sat down on a bench and crossed his arms. "Dance by yourself." He said. Bulma was shocked. "By MYSELF?!!" She said. Vegeta nodded. He thought she was, but when he looked up he saw her dancing with another man. They were dancing perfectly, and Vegeta was filled with jealousy. He was very sad now. As he was being sad a woman walked up to him. "Want to dance?" A woman asked Vegeta. Vegeta brought his eyes up to her and saw she was a rather homely woman. "Um... no thanks." Vegeta said. "Please!!? I think you're cute!!" said the homely woman. Vegeta was shocked. He blushed. "Uh.... I can't dance." He said. He looked at the ground to hide his bashfulness. But he soon found himself dancing with her. They both danced horrible so it didn't matter.
"Where to next?" Bulma asked Vegeta as they walked down the sidewalk. "Uh.... I dunno." Veggie said. He was still kind of upset about her little dance with that one man, and he didn't know why. "Let's go into that store!!" Bulma said, pointing. The store was called 'Hanky Pankies.' But it was in French. Vegeta let out a gale out laughter. "Hanky Pankies? How come you want to go to 'Hanky Pankies?'" He asked. "I thought I was exiting enough!!" "Yes, you are. But maybe if we go into this place we can find something BETTER!!" Bulma said. They walked inside the store. What kind of a sicko would open up a sex store? Vegeta thought, for the store was filled with...you guessed it. "Wow, Veggie! They have condoms of every color and size!!" Bulma said with a little bit high volume. Vegeta blushed. He wasen't looking around because he didn't want to see what obscene items this store carried. "Look Veggie!! Roll playing costumes!!" Bulma said. Vegeta blushed so hard that his face looked like it was painted with blood. Bulma enjoyed embarrassing him to death. He looked around to see if anyone was watching, and people were. Plenty of people were watching. PLENTY. "Bulma..." He mumbled. "I wanna get OUTTA here....." She just kept looking at the items and suggesting them to Veggie. Vegeta would always shrug his shoulders when she asked him about something. "Look at these dice, Geeta!!" Bulma said. Vegeta looked. They were two big stuffed red dice. Written on one of them was stuff like 'Lick', 'suck.' ,'blow', 'tease', and etc. On the other one was stuff like 'above waist', 'below waist,' 'ear', 'lips' etc. Vegeta cocked his head. "What are these for? How come dice would be in a...snuggle store?" He asked. "They're sex dice!!" Bulma whispered into his ear. Vegeta blushed. "Sex dice, huh.... how do you use them?" He whispered back. Didn't they say learn something new each day? "You role both of them. And if one says 'Massage' and one says 'above waistline' you'd hafta massage your partner above the waistline!!" Bulma said. Vegeta blushed somemore. Think of what he could make Bulma DO with these things!! "Let's get them!!" Vegeta said. Bulma laughed. "You aren't thinking of anything, are you?" She asked. Vegeta turned his head away. Bulma just decided to make him happy and buy the dice.
After a long evening of tireing walking and shopping they finally got home. Bulma stuffed the bag of newly purchased clothes into the suitcase. "O.K. Let's test these things." She said, pulling out the dice. Vegeta saw them and was instantly exited. He ran over by her to watch her do it. Bulma threw them on the ground and Vegeta squeezed his eyes closed. He hoped she got one saying 'Massage' and the other saying ' Below waistline'! But when he opened his eyes he saw it said 'Kiss' and 'Ear'. Vegeta groaned. "How BORING!!" He said, as Bulma leaned over and kissed his ear. Vegeta batted at it to get the spit off. "O.K, O.K, it's my turn." He said. Bulma shook her head and put the dice away. "Not now. Tonight." She said. Vegeta groaned. "But I can't wait until tonight!!" He said. He rolled on the ground and began to kick and scream. Bulma frowned. "Geeta, get up off that floor!!" She said. Vegeta obeyed. He went and began to write into his diary. "What are you writing?" Bulma asked. "Bad stuff about you." Geeta answered.