Disclaimer: Well, by now everyone in the Universe knows that Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own these characters. So, why can't I just let them alone?

Author's note: So all is well in Buffy's world, right? She has the love of her life, she is happy… etc. etc. etc. Well….

Summer of faith

Chapter 10

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Faith: I really don't miss her much. She was here, she is gone. Boom. I am movin' on

Buffy: Miss her? After what she did? No way!

Faith: Ok, sometimes…but not often. I miss sometimes waking up, and she is not there cuddled up to me.

Buffy: (sigh) I guess I miss her a little. Like, when I wake up, and she is not there for me to cuddle up to.

Faith: Hey. I am 5 by 5, ya know? But… well…I guess I miss watching her dance around when she is excited.

Buffy: I am good, real good now. But…I guess I miss her when I am a little down, and she doesn't bring me a treat.

Faith: I miss her, I guess, when I am riding the bike, and she doesn't have her arms around me, sitting right behind me.

Buffy: I miss the way  her hair smells, sweet and clean, and how it felt so soft against my cheek.

Faith: I miss when she would get all upset with me, and pout. She is so cute when she pouts.

Buffy: I miss the way she would put her arm around me, like it was no big, when I was upset.

Faith: I miss the hearing her sing when she is content. Her little made up songs, that mean nothing, and everything.

Buffy: I miss the way she would growl at me when she was upset with me. And purr at me when she was really happy with me.

Faith: I miss… the way her hand would slip into mine. For no good reason, except she knew I needed her hand in mine.

Buffy: I miss the .. .stupid rose in a water glass she would give me, every time I had a bad day. Yeah…stupid.

Faith: I missed the way she would go around in an oversized shirt, wiggling and being all sexy, just to get me hot and bothered. Like she needed to.

Buffy: I miss her little cocky walk when she was all pleased with herself. It used to make my heart go flip-flop.

Faith: I miss how sometimes she would get all shy and little girly when we made love. I miss how she touches me.

Buffy: I miss how she would hold me, making me feel so secure. I miss her holding me.

Faith: I miss her smile

Buffy: I miss her flirty little smirk

Faith: I miss her eyes.

Buffy: I miss her eyes.

Faith; Hell, no I don't think of her much. Why should I ?

Buffy: Think of her? Please!

Faith: Ok…maybe sometimes.

Buffy: sometimes… but not much.

Faith: Couple of times a day. Ok? Geeze

Buffy: Not much at all….few times a day, maybe.

Faith: Shit. 10, 20 times a day? Would you get off it?

Buffy: (sad) all the time?

Faith( sad) all the time.

Buffy: Damn, I miss her( starting to cry)

Faith: Damn, I miss her( starting to cry).

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Faith:

So, happy ever after, huh? I got the girl, we ride off into the sunset.

Yeah. Sure. Right.

At first, it was going great. We both moved out of our collective dumps, and got a small one bedroom together. So, like, we need more(grins). Buffy got a new job, at a better place. The customers are friendlier, they tip better, and the boss … well, he is a real sweetheart. Likes Buffy. Thinks she is great. Well, hell, I coulda told him that. Anyway, she was a lot happier. And that made me happy.

And what about Faithy? Is she sponging off her girlfriend? No way! Now, this is gonna make you chuckle, but faith is a hammer jockey. Yeah, a nail gun guru. I am like doing construction. Right, Faith, who likes to break things…like vamps skulls.

Anyway, I was out looking for work, having had the millionth rejection that day, when I came across a construction site. There was a sign looking for help and I said to myself" Hey, I can do that. I've built things." So I thought, what the hell? It would only be the million and first rejection. Sooo, I go in and apply for the job.

Well, after the foreman stopped laughing, and saw I was still there, he kinda gives me the once over. I guess I impressed him when I didn't turn into some little wallflower and slink outta the office. So, he says to me " Follow me", so I do. He leads me out to a place where there is a large pile of cement bags. Then he says:

" Ok, see that guy over there mixing cement? He needs someone to carry the load over. I'll do this. If you can carry over 9 bags of cement to him, without breaking a nail and getting all weepy, or falling over, I'll  hire you." He gives me a smirk, like I am not gonna be able to take one, much less 9. So, they look like they are 50 pound sacks, and he is expecting me to try to carry one at a time over to the mixer. Hah. So, I go over, I hoist 3 bags onto my shoulder, and carry the first load over. I dump them, come back for a second. He is kinda standing there, mouth open, not believing his eyes. So, I do it again…3 bags, over to mixer, and return for the last load. I am grinning now, cause his expression is just so funny, I can hardly keep from laughing. I take the last load over, and come back, and stand right up to him and say " Well?"  He stands there, scratching his head. He asks " Do you know the right end of a hammer?" he asks. I guess he figures he can trust me to answer correctly. " Oh yeah, sure". So, I get the job. I admit, that first day was rough, cause all I got to do was haul sacks of cement. But after that, I guess he got the idea I was serious.

Anyway, the job aint bad. The pay's pretty good, and  I just love blowing away anyone who thinks I am some weak sister. Took awhile, but after the guys realized I knew the right end of a hammer, I could out-nail 'em 3 to 1, I could handle 2 nail guns at the same time, and that I could stand up to their sexist jokes ( like, I haven't heard them a million times in clubs) with a grin, we got along real fine. They call me Iron Faith now. I kinda like it. They are kinda on my side now, and they get a kick when a new guy comes on the job, and tries to treat me like a …girl.  They learn quick not to mess with Faith.

I got a real kick first time B saw me dressed for work I am in like the jeans, and work boots, and a flannel shirt(geeze, total butch, right?) and I have on the work belt. And she kinda gets this silly grin on her face, and she sidles up to me and like sighs all girly like and purrs " Oooo my big handsome sexy man" . Then she grabs my crotch!!! And she says " mmmmm … let me feel your muscle" and does the squeeze on my arm. She is giggling all the time. Then, just to really torture me, she gets in front of me and rubs her butt in my crotch saying " Take me, you big stud muffin". God what she does to me! She is lucky I really wanted that job, or we both woulda missed work that day. If I had only known she liked role play…

What was I sayin? Oh...yeah… we got all domesticky and couple like. We even did the furnish the place thing. Once the money was steady. I have to admit, she really has good taste. Me, give me a bed, and a place to put my clothes, and I am 5 by 5. But she really made it like a home. Ya know? But, hell, living in a cave with her with rocks for a bed woulda been home. But I guess I  was so caught up in the love thing, and being a couple and all, I didn't notice the signs that all was not well in Buffy's world.

It wasn't much, at first. At times I would catch her crying for no good reason. Or, if we were watching a video on TV, I would catch her not really paying attention, but staring off into space. Or, we would be out, and she would catch sight of someone who looked like someone from home, and she would go all quiet for awhile. I can't believe how stupid I was, not seeing it. But that's what happened.

Then, the letters started coming. I didn't know about them at first, but I found some in a drawer I was gonna clean out. She said they were nothing, But I saw they had a Sunnydale return address. Then, when the mail came, I would notice she would throw a letter once in awhile into a drawer, when she thought I wasn't looking. But I was looking. And late at night, she would get up and read them, moving into the bathroom so I wouldn't see. And she would come out, and I would see the tears in her eyes, before she slipped back in bed.

I have to say she tried. She really tried to act like nothing was wrong. But, there was. I just didn't know what…yet. And we started having fights. Stupid fights over nothing, but one of us wound up storming out of the apartment. And we would make up, of course. And make up sex is sooo hot…where was I again? Oh, yeah. We would make up, but it kept happening. And I knew I had to get to the bottom of it.

So, one night, after work, I came home. And she had been crying again, I could tell. And I finally just put it out there:

" B, what is it?" I asked, trying to get her to open up to me

"Nothing." She said, but not very convincingly.

" Look, B. I know I can be dense, and incredibly insensitive. But I don't need a rock to hit me in the head for me to know something is wrong"

"Faith, Honest. Nothing's wrong. Everything's  good"

" So, why then" I ask, " are you hiding letters from me? And sneaking off into the bathroom at night to read them? And coming back to bed, crying?"

And she looked up at me, and I saw her eyes. They looked scared. And her lip was quivering, like she was gonna cry. And of course, I felt like a perfect shitheel, but I knew I had hit on it. And, I of course melted like butter, and came over and put my arms around her

"B, baby, you know you can tell me anything. I love you baby, I do" I comforted her " Let me help you, baby. Just tell me"

But she was crying now, sobbing. And my heart was breaking into a million pieces for her

"Faith, I … I … I just can't " she sobbed… and kept crying.

"Baby, baby. Please. I can't stand to see you this way" I felt my own tears coming. " Just tell me. I love you . I'd never hurt you"

And she looked at me. And she was wearing that making a decision face. And then she told me.

" It is Angel. He is back. From hell… and he has his soul."

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I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach with a 20 pound sledgehammer

I felt the rage building in me, the jealousy. I had to get up and pace, because I didn't want her to feel how angry, how hurt I was. Cause it all came together for me in a flash. She still loved him. She still was IN love with him. And I didn't want to believe it, I wanted to deny it to myself, but it all made sense. The hiding. The tears. The whole thing. But I had to be sure. Be sure it just wasn't my own paranoia

So, I calmed myself. I went to her, and kneeled in front of her. And I asked:

" Do you still love him , B? Are you still in love with him?"

And she tried. She tried to deny it. But I saw her eyes. Her eyes can't lie to me. B is many things, but she is a lousy liar. I could tell. She was still in love with him. And my heart sank to my toes.

" No, baby. No. I love you. I love only you" she cried, and hugged me to her. But she was lying. I knew it.

And I picked her up, and I carried her to bed. And we made love. I tried to make it special. I did all the things I knew she loved. I needed it to be special that night.

'Cause I knew that it was probably the last time we would make love.

And as she lay next to me after, cuddled up in that adorable way she does, I lay there. Staring at the ceiling.

Figuring out what I had to do.

Knowing I would lose her

Knowing I had already lost her.

And my heart was dying .

TBC

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Love sucks, sometimes. Read and review, please. Thanks =)