Chapter the sixth
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z or any other trademarked materials in this fanfiction.
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That night in their camp in the woods, they both lay swatting misquitos. Vegeta coulden't make an aura around himself because he needed energy to spare and he had no food to make energy with. He swatted one that came dreadfully close to his arm. The bite on the back of his leg was itching and throbbing something horrible. "Bulma, I thought you said it would quit itching in 15 minutes? It's been over an hour!!" Vegeta said. He coulden't sleep due to the misquitos or the bite's persistant itching. " Vegeta, sometimes they itch longer. Just wait!!" Bulma said. But she was very worried about Vegeta because of that bite. It might not effect him though because he was a saiyan. She hoped that it woulden't effect him too terribly bad. Vegeta groaned and threw the blanket over his head but the misquitos just kept swarming under the blanket and trying to bite him. "I can't take this anymore!! AHHHHHHH!!" Vegeta hollered. He began powering up and misquitos went flying everywhere and died. Bulma just watched with surprise at Vegeta's antics. "Be careful, honey!! You might hurt me!!" Bulma said. But Vegeta just kept throwing his energy around everywhere and killing misquitos. He stomped his cute feet and accidently stepped on a stick. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" He screamed as the stick impaled his bare foot. He grabbed his foot and leaped up and down. "You're such a baby Vegeta!!" Bulma said. Vegeta sat down, mumbling. He looked at his foot and saw a bead of blood appearing. "Man, I hate this place!!!" He griped. He swatted yet MORE misquitos away from his gorgeous body. His acute hearing was aggravating him because he could hear all there BUZZING, just right there. He wished he were dead!!
"Let's snuggle." Bulma said. "Maybe that will take our minds off the misquitos." "Get naked around millions of misquitos??!! No way!" Vegeta said. He swatted at more. Bulma grabbed the band of his underwear. "Make love to me NOW!!" She said. Vegeta rolled away, causing her to snap his underwear. "Ow!!" He yelled. He layed down in a fetal postion to try to get the misquitos away. But it didn't work. It was kind of a I-cant-see-you-you- cant-see-me type of thing. Bulma walked over to him. "Vegeta, I'm ashamed." She said. "Now sit up so I can tempt you!!" Vegeta crawled over underneath a tree and layed on his back. "You won't TOUCH me tonight." He said, digging at just where your abdomen meets your thighs. He had chiggers big time. "That looks gross. But it also makes me HUNGRY!!" Bulma said. Vegeta growled at her. "Just shut up, Okay?" He said. He was really aggravated, considering they were in a misquito infested woods. Those misquitos were just so annoying!! "I can't believe you didn't pack any water, Veggie." Bulma said. She was mumbling to herself as Vegeta kicked and screamed. Bulma watched his muscles work as he thrashed and threw a huge sh*t fit and it made her want it even more. And he looked so sexy in just his underwear, because you could almost see his tight @$$. He rolled all over the ground and stopped when he hit Bulma's leg. Bulma coulden't take it anymore. She jumped on top of him and they rolled back to the base of the tree. When they stopped, Vegeta noticed she was on top of him. "Get off!! I don't want to see you tonight!! I don't want to see ANYONE tonight!!! I don't even want to.....snuggle tonight!! I just want to go to sleep!!" He said. He wailed. "You crybaby." Bulma said, seductively. She brung her head up and looked into his face. Vegeta thought something terrible. Something HORRIBLE. For a second he thought she looked like the Lochness Monster. (I wish she'd stop making moves on my Vegeta. NOBODY makes moves on Vegeta and gets away with it. Aw well. She'll pay later.) "Bulma, you really are getting..." He was about to say old, but then he said something else. "Horny. Yeah. Your really getting horny." He said. Bulma took that as a compliment, Vegeta thought, because she gave him a huge hug around the neck. Vegeta's eyes bulged. "Vegeta, I want to snuggle." Bulma said, looking into his face again with that seductive voice. Vegeta smiled at this. He liked it when she was in this mood, this seductive one. These were the kinds of moods where he got to play hard-to-get. "We can role play! We can get the dice out!!" Bulma said. Vegeta had a puzzled, clueless look on his face and Bulma found this scene far too familier. But from when? And then she remembered, it was the time they had conceived Trunks, and when he had woke up to find her on him he had that look on his face. But why would he wear that look now? Why at this time? Bulma twirled a finger on his bare chest. "Are you feeling in the mood?" She asked. Vegeta still looked at her with that look. But it didn't look like he was looking at HER. It looked like he was looking at something BEHIND her. "Snake!! Snake in the grass!!" He gasped. Bulma chuckled at this. "Yes....we'll be doing that.." She said. Vegeta kicked his feet. "SNAKE IN THE GRASS!!!" He screeched. Bulma leaned in to smooch him and he threw her off. He sat up. "What are you doing? I told you that there was a snake in the grass, behind you!!!" He said. Bulma looked behind her and sure enough, there was a huge python in the grass behind her. She screamed and jumped over to Vegeta. "Kill it!!! KILL IT!!" She hollered. Vegeta's eyes bulged. "WHY?!! IT'S A LIVING THING!!" He yelled. They both stared at it for a second longer. "Aw what the hell." Vegeta said, and he killed it. Bulma sighed. "Thank goodness." She said. But then Vegeta heard something. He slowley turned around, all dramatic like. There was yet another, hanging from the tree behind him. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" He screamed. It tried to bite him but he rolled out of the way. "I hate South America!!!" Bulma shouted. Vegeta tried to kill it but missed. He tried again and succeded, but only to find there was about 20 more, in the trees surrounding them and in the grass. "Geeta wants to kill them all." Geeta said. Bulma realized something. HE WAS REFERRING TO HIMSELF 3RD PERSON!! But she just erased it from her mind as one of them came darn near to wrapping itself around her leg.These were the kind that squeezed things to death, obviously. Vegeta flew over and snatched her up, then flew into the air. "Uh, I'm gonna hafta use both my hands so you'll hafta...sit in this tree." He said. He put her on as tree branch then flew up ahead. He began to shoot Golagon Fires at the snakes. He shot three, and they killed them all. When the smoke cleared he made sure Bulma was O.K, because he HAD shot a ki blast with her in range. He flew down and grabbed her from the tree then he landed. There was a few charred black marks on the ground from where the ki blasts had hit. "Nice job." Bulma said. She then realized that the dumb snakes had inturrupted their moment!! Stupid mother nature!! "I hate mother nature." She mumbled as Vegeta lay down under his tree and went to sleep.
"Good morning, Vegeta!!" Bulma said. Vegeta woke up the next morning. He sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Veggie, while you were sleeping I managed to walk to the market down the street and get some bacon. Now could you make a fire on the sticks so I can cook the bacon?" Bulma said. "But we need a pot!!" Vegeta said. Bulma sighed and pouted. "I forgot!!" She said. She looked at the open package of bacon. "I guess we have to....throw it out." She said. Vegeta coulden't beleive it!! Who threw out bacon!! "Lets eat it anyway!!" He said. He shot a ki blast at it. It charred them black. "There ya go. Now we can have some." He said, with a smirk. He took a bite and a horrible toxic taste filled his mouth. "EEEW!! It's cooked TOO well!!" He said. He spat it out on the ground and then pouted. He threw himself on the ground and threw a fit like a two year old. "Get up Veggie. Let me try to find your clothes." Bulma said. She began to dig in both the suitcases. But what she found woulden't suit Vegeta; it was HER clothes!! In Vegeta's suitcase, she finally found some...but they were all wet. She then noticed that it was probably one of the bottles of booze Vegeta had packed. It had leaked all ohis clothes, and now he was stuck to stay in his underwear until they got home!! " Oh no." Bulma said. Vegeta pulled himself off the ground. "What?" He asked. "I can't find some clothes for you that are DRY." Bulma answered. She dug somemore. Vegeta crawled over and unzipped it. He opened it and saw that everything he packed was wet and reeked of alcohal!! He saw that one of the cans of beer was exploded, along with another that had a puncture hole in it. He figured his pocket knife was the culprit for that one, and the other...he wasen't sure. He just knew that he had no clothes now!! "AHHH!!" He screamed. "AAHHG! AAHHHHH!!!" He then realized something. He wanted some Bulma sex really bad about now!! "Bulma, let's snuggle." He said. Bulma looked up and smiled. "So you finally want it? After all of my temptations last night?" Bulma asked. Vegeta blushed and nodded. "Well hang on. I hafta do this first." Bulma said. She was sorting out the suitcase and hoping she'd find Veggie some dry clothes so she woulden't hafta have sex with him right now. But she knew it wasen't fair because she had forced herself on him last night, and it didn't work, and now he had the right to have sex with her. So on and so forth. Geeta came up beside her. "I want some SNUGGLING!!" He yelled, twitching. He threw himself on the ground and beat his fists on the dirt. It made clouds of the stuff fly up and get into Veggie's eyes and nose. He went into a sneezing fit and Bulma laughed at him. "Shut up."
He said. He lay on his back and waited for Bulma to come over to have some sweet loving. Bulma looked in the suitcase and found something interesting. It looked like a little rubber band. And it looked FAMILIER. When she realized what it was she threw it back. "Dah!" She said, throwing it back in. She heard Vegeta laugh form behind her. "Shut up, you ugly b@st@rd." She said. Vegeta got his feelings hurt. "You called me UGLY!!!" He screamed. He yelled as loud as he could and stomped his bare feet in the dirt. He pounded his fists and arched his back. He looked just like my neice does when she throws a big hairy fit. Bulma threw his 'rubber band' at him. "Shut up." She said. Vegeta got dangerously silent.
(The following scene gets kinda sexual. It's no nudity, no describing their every move. It's just......you know. But it's not bad, really. Thanks for your time. Skip this paragraph if you hate to read lemons.)"I'm ready!!!" Bulma said, coming out from behind the tree in her longerie. Vegeta felt his heart pound and his........Uh....Let's be quiet about that part. Geeta came up and grabbed her around the waist. It looked very funny, a man this short lifting a woman who was so much taller than he himself was. He collapsed on the ground. He accidently bumped Bulma's head, but she didn't care. They began to make out passionatly. And when I say that, I MEAN IT. There tounges were like....almost DOWN EACHOTHER'S THROATS. Then it went from eachother's MOUTHS, to eachother's necks and all that other crap. Vegeta slipped his hands under the back of her thin longerie. (But he didn't strip it off. I won't mention that part.) They kissed even MORE passionatly and Bulma thought Vegeta would suck her skin off through his mouth. He wasen't a very good kisser but she liked it because he was her husband. Bulma pulled Vegeta closer to her and clasped her legs over his back to keep him from drawing away, then she kissed Vegeta on the chest. Geeta smirked at her kiss and kissed her on the neck as hard as he could. He tasted a horrible taste. Her perfume. Blagh. Bulma let out a laugh and arched her back. She traced the outlines of his chest muscles with her lips. Vegeta groaned with all his might and attempted to push her head down a little lower. She went with the flow, but didn't quite get what he wanted her too. He felt her stick her hand down the back of his underwear and they made love in the middle of the forest, with the desise carrying misquitos all around them. Let's hope they don't get bit, because then we woulden't have a story.
Later that day, they were both asleep in eachother's arms. They were dead tired from previously when they had 'did it' with a lot more passion than usually used. The first one to wake up was Bulma, who noticed that she and Vegeta had fallen asleep and not even noticed it. Luckily she still had a longerie on so we don't hafta see her naked. And Geeta's bottom half was under the blanket. She noticed that Vegeta looked flushed. Probably because of earlier that day and the heat in this confounded woods!! She wiped the sweat off his forehead with a hand and wiped it on her longerie. She got behind a tree and got properly dressed. After she got dressed she saw that Vegeta had spread out over their little pallet thingy they had made. She dug some water out of their little suitcase and gulped it down. She looked around the forest with the misquitos swarming around her and Veggie. She decided to wake him up so she threw water all over my poor Geeta's FACE! "Ah!! *cough*" Vegeta said, sputtering. Bulma laughed at poor Geeta. Vegeta shook his head and sat up. He was about to get out of the blankets but then noticed he had no underwear on. Bulma threw him his underwear and he slipped them on. He crawled out of the blankets and sat by Bulma. "Good afternoon, Veggie! Did you have a nice nap?" She asked. Vegeta smiled, which was very rare. "Yes, that was nice....but what took place before was even nicer." He said. Bulma smiled back and kissed him on the lips. Vegeta gagged when they were done. He had tasted her sweat, GROSS!! "Your sweaty." Vegeta said. He wiped his mouth. "So are you." Bulma said. She showed him a wet spot on the longerie she had been wearing. "That's sweat from your forehead." Then something dawned on her. That misquito bite!! She haden't been watching it, maybe it was causing him to be so flushed? "Veggie!! Lemme see that bite on the back of your leg!!" She said. Vegeta showed her. "It itches something horrible. I stopped scratching it thought because I don't want ugly skin." He said. Bulma noticed it was still all purple and swollen. "We need a doctor to look at this." She said. Vegeta rolled his eyes. "WHY? I'm a SAIYAN. Normal human blood desieses probably woulden't phase me." He said. "Still..." said Bulma. "I don't want you to die or anything." .Vegeta mocked her words. "Oh, fine. But if he tries to touch me..." Bulma laughed. "Come on." She said. They decided to leave their suitcases in the camp and Vegeta flew off with Bulma on his back.
Finally, he reached the medical clinic. "We didn't make an appointment. Maybe we should go...." Vegeta said. Bulma grabbed his arm and led him into the clinic. Vegeta saw sick people everywhere and it made him want to barf. Sick humans were DISCUSTING. Vegeta sat in one of the blue chairs and Bulma sat down beside him. " Is the doctor nice?" Vegeta asked. "Will he stick me with needles? Will we be able to understand us?" He asked. Bulma laughed and patted his arm. "It'll be O.K!! And don't worry; I asked for an English speaking doctor. He might be hard to understand but he'll do." She said. Vegeta grumbled something and stared straight ahead.
After about 45 minutes the nurse called Vegeta in. She led him and Bulma into a little room. She pointed to the scale and Vegeta stepped on. The nurse weighed him, and he weighed 123 pounds. Not bad at ALL. Then she took down what he was allergic to, which was nothing. Then they made him sit on an examination table and wait for the doctor. He swung his legs nervously. "Vegeta, quit it!!! You're going to kill someone!!" Bulma said. Vegeta just swung his legs a little faster. "Veggie, it's O.K!! Gosh you're such a wuss." Bulma said. Vegeta threatened her with a fist and she shut up immedeantly. Vegeta looked at the maps on the wall and studied them to take his mind off what would happen next. He had memorized 26 Japanese cities and their locations by the time the doctor finally came into the room. He sat up straight as a board. "Hello!!" The gaudy lady said. Vegeta made a face. GREAT. A female doctor. Just marvelous. And considering how high up on his thigh the bite was... Bulma was the only one who said hello. Vegeta just sat there with his arms crossed. "Uh...I said HELLO." said the doctor. Vegeta studied his swinging feet. He didn't like to talk to people whom he didn't know or care about. "Don't be so rude." Bulma said. Vegeta grunted at her. "You say this man was bit by misquito?" She asked, missing a word in the sentence. One guess on what it was. "Yes I was. And it's so far up on my thigh that I won't let you look at it. That would be sexual." Vegeta said. The doctor looked at him funny. "Uh....I hafta see it." She said. Vegeta flipped her off and Bulma made an evil glare at Vegeta. Vegeta rolled his eyes and then showed her the bite on his thigh. "There. You've seen it." He said. He felt her touch it and he screamed. "DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!!!" He yelled. The doctor recoiled. Bulma laughed. "Only my wife is aloud to touch me there, and I rarely let her." Vegeta said. All lies. "Uh.......I hafta take a blood test." the doctor said. "And I hafta feel your organs." Bulma sat straight up when the doctor said that. She knew Vegeta would never let her do that; it was too close to a feel-up. "Uh...can't you just skip that part?" Bulma asked. "He REALLY doesen't like- " But it was too late. The woman dug one hand into Vegeta's tummy and he kicked her into the wall. She hit the ground with a thud. Bulma laughed. "Vegeta!!!" She said, trying not to laugh. The poor doctor was in shambles. "I'll be back for a blood test." She said, staggering out like a rabid animal. Vegeta and Bulma laughed at her as she left. "Did you see that? She tried to feel me up!!!" Vegeta said. Bulma shook her head. "NOO!! She was trying to make sure your organs are O.K!" She said. She laughed again and Vegeta just stared at her. "I know feeling up when I...feel it." He said. He swung his feet and stared at them somemore. Bulma finally grabbed one to make it stop. He STILL didn't have any clothes so he had come to the doctors office in his underwear and with no shoes. He looked pathetic. "Your feet are dirty and cut up. I need to take some peroxide to them or something." She said. Vegeta grabbed his foot up from her and put both of them up under himself. "How do they take my blood?" Vegeta asked. Bulma gulped. "Umm... well, they have this little needle-" "NEEDLE?! They're gonna hurt me?" Vegeta said. Bulma shook her head. "Nope. At least I hope not. Anyway, it's a little needle, and it has a little chamber on the end, and they pull this little lever up and it sucks some blood out of your veins, something like that. I'm not sure how it works. OR, they take it from an I.V, but you don't have one in." She said. Vegeta was scared now. There was nothing he hated more than being in a doctor like a lab rat. Plus he hated being IN a doctor's office because he thought it was pitiful for a saiyan to need one. But, unfortunatly, saiyans had their times too. Finally the doctor came back in with blood all over her from Vegeta's kick. "O.K, I hafta take some blood now-" Vegeta screamed and threw a fit. He thrashed his arms everywhere and banged on the little table. "YOU WILL NOT STICK THAT THING IN MY BEAUTIFUL SKIN!!!! IT'LL BRUISE!!" He yelled. Bulma slapped her forehead. "Vegeta, shut up and let her take your blood or I'll never have sex with you again." She said. Vegeta immedeantly sat straight up and tall, without uttering a sound. The doctor stuck the needle into his upper arm and all of his rage returned. He made an aura and the doctor went flying against the wall AGAIN. But this time she didn't escape with her life. "Vegeta!! You killed her!!" Bulma said. She grimaced and walked over to the needle that was stuck in Vegeta's arm. She stuck it all the way in and pulled the lever up. "You hussy!! Your double crosser!! You were supposed to take it out!!" Vegeta said. Bulma ignored his horrible words. "Come on." She said. She wasen't very happy with Vegeta right now. She gave a passing nurse the little thingy. "I think that doctor wanted it tested." She said. "She accidently....uh....she had a heart attack!! Yeah!! That's it!!" She told the nurse his name and the nurse took the thingy. Bulma led Vegeta into the 'family room'. (It's kinda like a break area??) "YOU KILLED HER!! YOU ARE TERRIBLE!!!!I WILL NEVER SCREW YOU AGAIN YOU KILLER! YOU MURDERER~!!" She yelled, right into poor Vegeat's face. Vegeta just backed up and looked at her casually. "So? She hurt me!! You said I could kill people if it was for my protection, remember?" He said. Bulma threw her hands down to her sides. "VEGETA, I MEANT IF THE PERSON WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU, AND IT WAS AIMED MAINLY AT PEOPLE LIKE FRIEZA OR BUU!! SHE WASEN'T TRYING TO HURT YOU!! SHE WAS TRYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!" She yelled. Now Veggie was getting kinda scared. "Sorry." He said, and he made a fake tear roll down his cheek. Bulma felt bad immedeantly. Vegeta looked so SAD and so CUTE when he cried!! "I'm sorry Vegeta...but you shoulden't kill people. It's not nice!!" She said, wiping the tears off his face. Vegeta tried to surpress a smirk. "Uhh...O.K. I didn't mean to though." He said, making his voice hitch so it sounded like he was really crying. Bulma gave him a big hug around the neck. "O.K. I'll still screw you." She said. Vegeta smiled as she hugged him. He always got his way if he cried!!
They sat down back in the waiting room and waited for the results until the nurse called them into a room. "Uh, I've got some bad news." The nurse said. Vegeta and Bulma both's eyes widened. "It seems, Vegeta, that you have contracted Malaria, a blood desiese carried by misquitos." The nurse said. Bulma's face went white. She almost fainted. "WHAT???!!" She said. She saw Vegeta was all smiles. He knew something she didn't, but what? "Sir, I can assure you this is much more serious than you seem to take it to be." The nurse said to the smiling Vegeta. Vegeta just nodded. "I know. I'm just trying to accept what's happened." He said. He giggled under his breath. See, he KNEW that Malaria woulden't affect him the least bit, being a saiyan and all. So he decided to PLAY like he had Malaria, as a little joke. It would be funny to see Bulma pity over him. "My poor Veggie!!" Bulma said, hugging him. Vegeta growled at her public display of affection but said nothing. "When will his symptoms start showing up?" She asked. "They should either start tonight, or sometime tomorrow. He should have a fever, get chills and be dizzy. The spells of it are each 48 hours after eachother. The first spell is just like a little bug; the second spell is a bit worse and the third or fourth spell usually kills if they don't take the antibodic. So we've perscribed him one." She handed Bulma the perscription. Vegeta was laughing into her shoulder but Bulma thought he was crying.
After they got Vegeta's medicene they went back to their camp in the woods. "Go to bed, Vegeta. You need to take a nap and get rest." Bulma said. Aw, Great. Now I hafta pay the price for playing this joke on Bulma; I hafta lay down all day. He thought. "No!! I don't feel bad!" He whined. Bulma growled. "Lay down right now!!!" She said. Vegeta mocked her. "No!!!" He said. Bulma tackled him and covered him up in the blankets. "If you get up again...uh....I'll do something terrible to you." She said. Vegeta wasen't afraid but he laid down anyways. He looked around and thought of ways to make himself look sick. How could he make his cheeks flushed and stuff? He had some ideas but they're to graphic to say in this fanfiction, even if it IS rated R. Anyways, he needed some way to get rid of Bulma so he could do these things to make himself look sick. "Bulma, can you go and find me uh.....uh....go and get firewood." Vegeta said. Bulma shushed him. "Go to sleep." She said. Vegeta got the perfect idea. He'd get up to get the firewood, and then he'd act like he had barely staggered back to camp and that he was sick!!! It was perfect. Vegeta got up from the pallet. "I'm going to get some firewood if you don't!!!" He said. Bulma frowned. "LAY DOWN!!!" She yelled. Vegeta shook his head. Bulma thought of how she could make him give in. Then she thought of the clown college situation. "Lay back down right now or I'll tickle!!" She said. Vegeta groaned. "Don't make me, PLEASE!!" He said. He made big moon eyes. "Go to bed." Bulma said. Vegeta slumped over to the pallet and wrapped himself up in the blankets. He let out one high pitched fit-scream. "I don't wanna go to bed..." He whined. Bulma shushed him. "Remember your warning. Now go to sleep." She said. Vegeta closed his eyes. He was already beginning to hate this dumb joke because now he coulden't get up or speak a word or anything. "Geeta want some water?" He asked. Bulma sighed and filled a Dixie Cup with water and gave it to him. "Drink it and go to sleep." She said. Vegeta gulped it down and rolled over. That should make him hafta pee. Then he could get up and go into the woods to do it and make himself look sick. It was a perfect plan. "Can I have one more glass please? Just ONE MORE and then I'll quit bothering you!!" He said. Bulma gave him another glass of water. He gulped it down. "Now go to sleep NOW." She said. She loved having control over the man and he hated it when she had control over him. As his eyes were closed he visualized horrible ways he could make it to where he woulden't hafta lay down. Like he could ki blast her to death. Or punch her to death. But he knew these were just empty threats in his mind. Soon he got the urge to urine. "Bulma! I gotta pee!!" He said. Bulma made a face and she realized why Vegeta had wanted the water. So he could get up to go pee!! "Sure. There's a hole right in front of the blanket. Go pee in the hole." Bulma said. Vegeta groaned again. Another plan ruined!! "But I don't want to pee in front of a lady!! It's not nice, you see!! Women aren't supposed to see obscene things like men pissing." Vegeta said. "I've seen your dick a million times before!! I have SEX with you practically every night!!!" She said. "And I've watched you pee, too!!!" Vegeta pounded the ground and went pee in the hole. Just don't imagine that, O.K? I'm not going too, even if it WOULD be sexy as hell. "Come back and lay down." Bulma said. Vegeta crawled back over to the bed and closed his eyes. "I hate you." He said. "I hate you so much that I wish you were dead. I hate you." Bulma knew he didn't mean it. But she decided to act sad. "You hate me? Oh my god, my husband hates me!!!" Bulma said, malodramatically. She acted like she was crying and she forced tears out of her eyes. Vegeta's eyes popped open. He saw her fake tears and thought she was crying. "Bulma?!" He said. He grabbed her arm but she shook his hand off. ":I'm sorry Bulma!! I didn't mean it, really!! It was just meaningless jibber jabber!!" Bulma wiped her fake tears off. "I was joking." She said. Vegeta frowned a horrible frown. "You're mean." He said, and rolled over to go to sleep. He thought of himself killing Bulma once again, this time afterwards he played basketball with her head. Everytime it bounced, blood would splatter onto the wooden court floors. He giggled from the dream. His eyes popped open when he realized something. He needed to make his 'symptoms' appear fast!! How could he make himself dizzy, feverish AND flushed? He didn't know. He sat up. "Bulma, I can't sleep." He said. Bulma was trying to make a sweater with her knitting stuff she had brought. "Try." She said. Vegeta growled. "I really can't!! Why can't you just make me go to sleep when I start to feel bad?" Vegeta asked. "Vegeta, this is your last warning. If you don't lay down right now I'll tickle you so much you wet yourself." Bulma said. Vegeta blew air out of his mouth like a horsey does. "Listen here,.DARLING. I'm the man of the house. That means I can tell you to do whatever I want you to do!! I also don't hafta listen to you!! And you also seem to forget that I'm a muscular man and much bigger and stronger than you'll ever-HOOHOOHAHAHAH!!" He squealed. Bulma had begun to tickle him because he woulden't lay down. Vegeta was thinking, What kind of a man of the house am I if I cant get my own wife under control? He struggled with her hands to try and remove them from his ribs. He managed to pry one loose but she jerked it out of his grasp and just tickled again. Vegeta coulden't stop laughing. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!" Vegeta screamed. He thought about how his own wife was winning over him, so he decided to take things into his own hands. He reached up and started to tickle HER, too. Now they were both tickling eachother. "VEGETA, I'M WARNING YOU!!" Bulma squealed. Vegeta tried to get his feet underneath her to push her off. "NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!" He chortled. He managed to kick her off, but she came running back. Vegeta got up and flew into a tree. "You can't get me NOW." He said. "I'm safe from you." He stuck his tounge out at her and threw ki blasts. She managed to avoid each one just by running. "Your pretty fast for a dumb human!!" He screamed. Then something started to happen. His vision was getting fuzzy!! All of that running and laughing had made him flushed and dizzy, so he pitched out of the tree, fainted. Bulma saw him plop to the ground and realized he wasen't faking. "Veggie?" She said, rolling him over. His eyes stayed tightly closed. Bulma grabbed a wet wash cloth and placed it on his head, and then managed to lift him to the pallet.
Vegeta woke up about 30 minutes later and realized his plan had worked. He saw Bulma hovering over him. "Veggie!!! You're awake!!" She said. She grabbed a pill out of a little bottle. "Take this." She said. Vegeta popped it into his mouth and chewed it up. The tasted reminded him of chalk. "What happened?" Vegeta asked, faking that he didn't remember. "You're having your first spell of Malaria!! You fainted!!" Bulma said. Vegeta noticed her cheeks were tearstained and thought that perhaps this joke haden't been the best of ideas after all but there was no turning back now. "You cried." Vegeta said. Bulma nodded. "Yes. I cried." "Your sad." Vegeta said. "Yes. I'm sad." Bulma answered. Vegeta realized something. Trying to make her happy had only ended up in making it worse for the both of them!! He didn't want to sit in bed playing hookie and she didn't want to be sad. Vegeta had ruined things YET AGAIN. "Remember that I'm a SAIYAN, Bulma?!" Vegeta said. "Maybe this.....whatever it's called...won't kill me because I just don't happen to be human?" He tried. He hoped it would calm her down just a little bit. But she cried again. Vegeta mumbled something under his breath. "I hate South America!! If it wasen't for South America then you woulden't have been bit by that misquito!!" Bulma said through her sobs. "Well at least be glad that we're not in AFRICA. Their animals there are even worse." Vegeta said. Bulma looked up from her sobbing with interest. "What are you talking about?" She asked. Vegeta laughed. "Well, in Africa there's a fish who can go up your crotch and they hafta surgiacly remove it. When they go in the water they hafta put a hand down there. It's true!" He said. (It really IS true, too. I read it out of a book of dangerous sea creatures.) "That's gross." Bulma said as she cupped a hand over her mouth. Geeta stretched out. "I want some clothes." He said. "I'm tired of laying around in my dirty underwear." And Bulma was tired of seeing him lay around in his underwear. "O.K. I'll walk down the block and see if I can find some clothes for you. And whatever I find you'll hafta live with it because I'm not returning anything." She said. Vegeta grumbled something horrible about her under his breath. While she was gone, he could get up and do something because he was tired of laying down when there was nothing wrong with him at all. Then, he could act like he was REALLY sick and make her even more worried. Vegeta was good at playing hookie when he wanted to get out of something or wanted to play a joke. Bulma grabbed her purse. "I'll be back probably in an hour and a half." She said. "Try to get some sleep while I'm gone." She walked away and all the sudden Vegeta wished a bear would get her and maul her. It would be pretty funny at this point. But Vegeta DID feel bad for making her so sad. As soon as she was out of sight and Vegeta could no longer hear her footsteps, he pulled himself to his feet. He wasen't dizzy or flushed anymore, even though it was hot as hell out in the woods. He went to a little pond and put his feet in to ease his mind. But he made a huge mistake, because when he pulled them out there was something on his left foot. He tried to pull it off and it was stuck. It looked like a slug. "Get off, buggy." He said. He pulled on it again. It stayed stuck tight to his skin. It was like it was sucking on him. "Get off me, BUG!!" He said. He pulled as hard as he could but it stayed stuck. Great. What would Bulma say now that she knew he'd been up? He had to get the bug off because it could turn out to be fatal. But just what was it anyhow?
Bulma walked down to the clothes shop and she noticed all the clothes were colorful. Vegeta woulden't wear anything colorful, so she just decided to pick out what SHE would like to see him wear. She found a little yellow sweater that was very cute. "Aw." She said, under her breath. She imagined Vegeta in it and it looked cute on him!! But would Vegeta like it? She put it back on the rack when she thought about what Vegeta would think. She came across a ADORABLE blue sweater that had a deer on it. The deer was drawn cartoony. When she saw how the deer looked she put it back. Then she saw a short sleeved pocket shirt that was bright green. a big X on the color. She could find nothing he'd look good in!! Then something came across her eye. It was a blue suit that was a dark blue tanktop and blue sweatpants. But it wasen't spandex and it wasen't tight. It was made from a sweater type susbtance. But it would look so CUTE on Vegeta, and the material it was made out of was so soft that Vegeta just might like it. She picked that one out for Vegeta and went to the checkout line.
Vegeta tried everything to get the buggy off his foot but nothing would work. He needed BULMA!! "BULMAAAA!!!" He screamed. But she didn't answer because he forgot that humans didn't have the excellent hearing that saiyans had. He kicked his feet in a small tempramental fit. He noticed that where the leech was was turning his cute foot purple. "No! My beautiful skin!!!" He said. He tried again to pull it off. But he coulden't. "BULMAAAAA!!" He yelled. He hoped her 'woman's intuition' as she called it would kick in. When he had died that one time she had known something was the matter so maybe now she would. But after 30 minutes she still didn't show. He whined. FINALLY he heard her footsteps coming. "BULMA!!!" He yelled. He heard her start to run instead of walk tworeds him. She noticed he was sitting on the ground, about 3 feet away from his pallet by the little pond. She saw there was tears coming down his face. "What's wrong?" She asked, dropping the bag and running over. Vegeta showed her his foot. "This buggy bit my foot and I can't get it off!!!" He wailed. Bulma looked at the bug. She tried to pull it off. "It's a leech." She said. "They suck people's blood. And I see that you were putting your feet in that water, which is stupid. That's just another way to contract desieses." She went and got a match, then lit it on a tree. "What are you doing?" Vegeta asked. "I'm burning it off. I don't want to try to pull it off because it might hurt you." Bulma replied. She walked over to him with the match. "Gimme your foot." She said. Vegeta slowley inched his foot tworeds her. Bulma put the match to the leech's skin and it dropped off. Then she crushed it under a shoe and blew the match out. She looked at the wound on Vegeta's foot. "Lemme get the peroxide." She said. As she walked over to the suitcases to get it Vegeta looked at the pond. "Foolish pond." He said, exploding it with a ki blast. Dirty water rained all over Vegeta and Bulma's heads. "GEETA!!!" Bulma yelled. Vegeta chuckled as Bulma tried to brush dirty water and debris off her clothes. She brung the peroxide over to Vegeta. She put some on a cottonball and began to clean out the wound. After she was done she showed Vegeta his clothes. "Aren't they so cute?" She asked. Vegeta groaned. "Put them on!!" Bulma said. Vegeta grabbed the blue tanktop and put it on. It felt GREAT! "This material is soft." He said. Bulma nodded as she handed him the pants and he put them on. Then she gave him some socks and his tennis shoes. He looked absolutley adorable in that outfit. Vegeta decided it was time to play out his joke even more. "Oh, Lordy Lordy!! I think I'm going to-*swoon*" Vegeta played like his knees buckled and he fell. Bulma caught his shoulders before he hit the ground. "Veggie?" She asked. Vegeta blinked his eyes open. Bulma dragged him onto the pallet. "You don't seem to be running a fever!!" She said. That got Vegeta's mind on something. How could he make himself run a fever? He decided he'd make his body heat skyrocket, so he did. "Oh NO!! You are!!" Bulma said. Vegeta acted like he was really sick. "Oh man! I uh......My eyes burn, my nose is runny, and my head hurts!!" He complained. Bulma could tell there was something in his voice that made what he was saying sound untrue but she shook it out of her mind. Maybe he was playing a joke, and maybe he wasen't. Vegeta made a fake cough come out but it sounded too fake. Bulma didn't seem to notice though. "What a nasty cough!! Lemme get you some Robitussion." She said. Vegeta fake coughed again. This time it sounded a little more real. "Oh man!! I think I'm gonna die." He said. But he didn't sound sick at all, and Bulma noticed this. Something was telling her he was faking this whole fiasco. Bulma gave him some Robitussion and he made the cough stop.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z or any other trademarked materials in this fanfiction.
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That night in their camp in the woods, they both lay swatting misquitos. Vegeta coulden't make an aura around himself because he needed energy to spare and he had no food to make energy with. He swatted one that came dreadfully close to his arm. The bite on the back of his leg was itching and throbbing something horrible. "Bulma, I thought you said it would quit itching in 15 minutes? It's been over an hour!!" Vegeta said. He coulden't sleep due to the misquitos or the bite's persistant itching. " Vegeta, sometimes they itch longer. Just wait!!" Bulma said. But she was very worried about Vegeta because of that bite. It might not effect him though because he was a saiyan. She hoped that it woulden't effect him too terribly bad. Vegeta groaned and threw the blanket over his head but the misquitos just kept swarming under the blanket and trying to bite him. "I can't take this anymore!! AHHHHHHH!!" Vegeta hollered. He began powering up and misquitos went flying everywhere and died. Bulma just watched with surprise at Vegeta's antics. "Be careful, honey!! You might hurt me!!" Bulma said. But Vegeta just kept throwing his energy around everywhere and killing misquitos. He stomped his cute feet and accidently stepped on a stick. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" He screamed as the stick impaled his bare foot. He grabbed his foot and leaped up and down. "You're such a baby Vegeta!!" Bulma said. Vegeta sat down, mumbling. He looked at his foot and saw a bead of blood appearing. "Man, I hate this place!!!" He griped. He swatted yet MORE misquitos away from his gorgeous body. His acute hearing was aggravating him because he could hear all there BUZZING, just right there. He wished he were dead!!
"Let's snuggle." Bulma said. "Maybe that will take our minds off the misquitos." "Get naked around millions of misquitos??!! No way!" Vegeta said. He swatted at more. Bulma grabbed the band of his underwear. "Make love to me NOW!!" She said. Vegeta rolled away, causing her to snap his underwear. "Ow!!" He yelled. He layed down in a fetal postion to try to get the misquitos away. But it didn't work. It was kind of a I-cant-see-you-you- cant-see-me type of thing. Bulma walked over to him. "Vegeta, I'm ashamed." She said. "Now sit up so I can tempt you!!" Vegeta crawled over underneath a tree and layed on his back. "You won't TOUCH me tonight." He said, digging at just where your abdomen meets your thighs. He had chiggers big time. "That looks gross. But it also makes me HUNGRY!!" Bulma said. Vegeta growled at her. "Just shut up, Okay?" He said. He was really aggravated, considering they were in a misquito infested woods. Those misquitos were just so annoying!! "I can't believe you didn't pack any water, Veggie." Bulma said. She was mumbling to herself as Vegeta kicked and screamed. Bulma watched his muscles work as he thrashed and threw a huge sh*t fit and it made her want it even more. And he looked so sexy in just his underwear, because you could almost see his tight @$$. He rolled all over the ground and stopped when he hit Bulma's leg. Bulma coulden't take it anymore. She jumped on top of him and they rolled back to the base of the tree. When they stopped, Vegeta noticed she was on top of him. "Get off!! I don't want to see you tonight!! I don't want to see ANYONE tonight!!! I don't even want to.....snuggle tonight!! I just want to go to sleep!!" He said. He wailed. "You crybaby." Bulma said, seductively. She brung her head up and looked into his face. Vegeta thought something terrible. Something HORRIBLE. For a second he thought she looked like the Lochness Monster. (I wish she'd stop making moves on my Vegeta. NOBODY makes moves on Vegeta and gets away with it. Aw well. She'll pay later.) "Bulma, you really are getting..." He was about to say old, but then he said something else. "Horny. Yeah. Your really getting horny." He said. Bulma took that as a compliment, Vegeta thought, because she gave him a huge hug around the neck. Vegeta's eyes bulged. "Vegeta, I want to snuggle." Bulma said, looking into his face again with that seductive voice. Vegeta smiled at this. He liked it when she was in this mood, this seductive one. These were the kinds of moods where he got to play hard-to-get. "We can role play! We can get the dice out!!" Bulma said. Vegeta had a puzzled, clueless look on his face and Bulma found this scene far too familier. But from when? And then she remembered, it was the time they had conceived Trunks, and when he had woke up to find her on him he had that look on his face. But why would he wear that look now? Why at this time? Bulma twirled a finger on his bare chest. "Are you feeling in the mood?" She asked. Vegeta still looked at her with that look. But it didn't look like he was looking at HER. It looked like he was looking at something BEHIND her. "Snake!! Snake in the grass!!" He gasped. Bulma chuckled at this. "Yes....we'll be doing that.." She said. Vegeta kicked his feet. "SNAKE IN THE GRASS!!!" He screeched. Bulma leaned in to smooch him and he threw her off. He sat up. "What are you doing? I told you that there was a snake in the grass, behind you!!!" He said. Bulma looked behind her and sure enough, there was a huge python in the grass behind her. She screamed and jumped over to Vegeta. "Kill it!!! KILL IT!!" She hollered. Vegeta's eyes bulged. "WHY?!! IT'S A LIVING THING!!" He yelled. They both stared at it for a second longer. "Aw what the hell." Vegeta said, and he killed it. Bulma sighed. "Thank goodness." She said. But then Vegeta heard something. He slowley turned around, all dramatic like. There was yet another, hanging from the tree behind him. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" He screamed. It tried to bite him but he rolled out of the way. "I hate South America!!!" Bulma shouted. Vegeta tried to kill it but missed. He tried again and succeded, but only to find there was about 20 more, in the trees surrounding them and in the grass. "Geeta wants to kill them all." Geeta said. Bulma realized something. HE WAS REFERRING TO HIMSELF 3RD PERSON!! But she just erased it from her mind as one of them came darn near to wrapping itself around her leg.These were the kind that squeezed things to death, obviously. Vegeta flew over and snatched her up, then flew into the air. "Uh, I'm gonna hafta use both my hands so you'll hafta...sit in this tree." He said. He put her on as tree branch then flew up ahead. He began to shoot Golagon Fires at the snakes. He shot three, and they killed them all. When the smoke cleared he made sure Bulma was O.K, because he HAD shot a ki blast with her in range. He flew down and grabbed her from the tree then he landed. There was a few charred black marks on the ground from where the ki blasts had hit. "Nice job." Bulma said. She then realized that the dumb snakes had inturrupted their moment!! Stupid mother nature!! "I hate mother nature." She mumbled as Vegeta lay down under his tree and went to sleep.
"Good morning, Vegeta!!" Bulma said. Vegeta woke up the next morning. He sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Veggie, while you were sleeping I managed to walk to the market down the street and get some bacon. Now could you make a fire on the sticks so I can cook the bacon?" Bulma said. "But we need a pot!!" Vegeta said. Bulma sighed and pouted. "I forgot!!" She said. She looked at the open package of bacon. "I guess we have to....throw it out." She said. Vegeta coulden't beleive it!! Who threw out bacon!! "Lets eat it anyway!!" He said. He shot a ki blast at it. It charred them black. "There ya go. Now we can have some." He said, with a smirk. He took a bite and a horrible toxic taste filled his mouth. "EEEW!! It's cooked TOO well!!" He said. He spat it out on the ground and then pouted. He threw himself on the ground and threw a fit like a two year old. "Get up Veggie. Let me try to find your clothes." Bulma said. She began to dig in both the suitcases. But what she found woulden't suit Vegeta; it was HER clothes!! In Vegeta's suitcase, she finally found some...but they were all wet. She then noticed that it was probably one of the bottles of booze Vegeta had packed. It had leaked all ohis clothes, and now he was stuck to stay in his underwear until they got home!! " Oh no." Bulma said. Vegeta pulled himself off the ground. "What?" He asked. "I can't find some clothes for you that are DRY." Bulma answered. She dug somemore. Vegeta crawled over and unzipped it. He opened it and saw that everything he packed was wet and reeked of alcohal!! He saw that one of the cans of beer was exploded, along with another that had a puncture hole in it. He figured his pocket knife was the culprit for that one, and the other...he wasen't sure. He just knew that he had no clothes now!! "AHHH!!" He screamed. "AAHHG! AAHHHHH!!!" He then realized something. He wanted some Bulma sex really bad about now!! "Bulma, let's snuggle." He said. Bulma looked up and smiled. "So you finally want it? After all of my temptations last night?" Bulma asked. Vegeta blushed and nodded. "Well hang on. I hafta do this first." Bulma said. She was sorting out the suitcase and hoping she'd find Veggie some dry clothes so she woulden't hafta have sex with him right now. But she knew it wasen't fair because she had forced herself on him last night, and it didn't work, and now he had the right to have sex with her. So on and so forth. Geeta came up beside her. "I want some SNUGGLING!!" He yelled, twitching. He threw himself on the ground and beat his fists on the dirt. It made clouds of the stuff fly up and get into Veggie's eyes and nose. He went into a sneezing fit and Bulma laughed at him. "Shut up."
He said. He lay on his back and waited for Bulma to come over to have some sweet loving. Bulma looked in the suitcase and found something interesting. It looked like a little rubber band. And it looked FAMILIER. When she realized what it was she threw it back. "Dah!" She said, throwing it back in. She heard Vegeta laugh form behind her. "Shut up, you ugly b@st@rd." She said. Vegeta got his feelings hurt. "You called me UGLY!!!" He screamed. He yelled as loud as he could and stomped his bare feet in the dirt. He pounded his fists and arched his back. He looked just like my neice does when she throws a big hairy fit. Bulma threw his 'rubber band' at him. "Shut up." She said. Vegeta got dangerously silent.
(The following scene gets kinda sexual. It's no nudity, no describing their every move. It's just......you know. But it's not bad, really. Thanks for your time. Skip this paragraph if you hate to read lemons.)"I'm ready!!!" Bulma said, coming out from behind the tree in her longerie. Vegeta felt his heart pound and his........Uh....Let's be quiet about that part. Geeta came up and grabbed her around the waist. It looked very funny, a man this short lifting a woman who was so much taller than he himself was. He collapsed on the ground. He accidently bumped Bulma's head, but she didn't care. They began to make out passionatly. And when I say that, I MEAN IT. There tounges were like....almost DOWN EACHOTHER'S THROATS. Then it went from eachother's MOUTHS, to eachother's necks and all that other crap. Vegeta slipped his hands under the back of her thin longerie. (But he didn't strip it off. I won't mention that part.) They kissed even MORE passionatly and Bulma thought Vegeta would suck her skin off through his mouth. He wasen't a very good kisser but she liked it because he was her husband. Bulma pulled Vegeta closer to her and clasped her legs over his back to keep him from drawing away, then she kissed Vegeta on the chest. Geeta smirked at her kiss and kissed her on the neck as hard as he could. He tasted a horrible taste. Her perfume. Blagh. Bulma let out a laugh and arched her back. She traced the outlines of his chest muscles with her lips. Vegeta groaned with all his might and attempted to push her head down a little lower. She went with the flow, but didn't quite get what he wanted her too. He felt her stick her hand down the back of his underwear and they made love in the middle of the forest, with the desise carrying misquitos all around them. Let's hope they don't get bit, because then we woulden't have a story.
Later that day, they were both asleep in eachother's arms. They were dead tired from previously when they had 'did it' with a lot more passion than usually used. The first one to wake up was Bulma, who noticed that she and Vegeta had fallen asleep and not even noticed it. Luckily she still had a longerie on so we don't hafta see her naked. And Geeta's bottom half was under the blanket. She noticed that Vegeta looked flushed. Probably because of earlier that day and the heat in this confounded woods!! She wiped the sweat off his forehead with a hand and wiped it on her longerie. She got behind a tree and got properly dressed. After she got dressed she saw that Vegeta had spread out over their little pallet thingy they had made. She dug some water out of their little suitcase and gulped it down. She looked around the forest with the misquitos swarming around her and Veggie. She decided to wake him up so she threw water all over my poor Geeta's FACE! "Ah!! *cough*" Vegeta said, sputtering. Bulma laughed at poor Geeta. Vegeta shook his head and sat up. He was about to get out of the blankets but then noticed he had no underwear on. Bulma threw him his underwear and he slipped them on. He crawled out of the blankets and sat by Bulma. "Good afternoon, Veggie! Did you have a nice nap?" She asked. Vegeta smiled, which was very rare. "Yes, that was nice....but what took place before was even nicer." He said. Bulma smiled back and kissed him on the lips. Vegeta gagged when they were done. He had tasted her sweat, GROSS!! "Your sweaty." Vegeta said. He wiped his mouth. "So are you." Bulma said. She showed him a wet spot on the longerie she had been wearing. "That's sweat from your forehead." Then something dawned on her. That misquito bite!! She haden't been watching it, maybe it was causing him to be so flushed? "Veggie!! Lemme see that bite on the back of your leg!!" She said. Vegeta showed her. "It itches something horrible. I stopped scratching it thought because I don't want ugly skin." He said. Bulma noticed it was still all purple and swollen. "We need a doctor to look at this." She said. Vegeta rolled his eyes. "WHY? I'm a SAIYAN. Normal human blood desieses probably woulden't phase me." He said. "Still..." said Bulma. "I don't want you to die or anything." .Vegeta mocked her words. "Oh, fine. But if he tries to touch me..." Bulma laughed. "Come on." She said. They decided to leave their suitcases in the camp and Vegeta flew off with Bulma on his back.
Finally, he reached the medical clinic. "We didn't make an appointment. Maybe we should go...." Vegeta said. Bulma grabbed his arm and led him into the clinic. Vegeta saw sick people everywhere and it made him want to barf. Sick humans were DISCUSTING. Vegeta sat in one of the blue chairs and Bulma sat down beside him. " Is the doctor nice?" Vegeta asked. "Will he stick me with needles? Will we be able to understand us?" He asked. Bulma laughed and patted his arm. "It'll be O.K!! And don't worry; I asked for an English speaking doctor. He might be hard to understand but he'll do." She said. Vegeta grumbled something and stared straight ahead.
After about 45 minutes the nurse called Vegeta in. She led him and Bulma into a little room. She pointed to the scale and Vegeta stepped on. The nurse weighed him, and he weighed 123 pounds. Not bad at ALL. Then she took down what he was allergic to, which was nothing. Then they made him sit on an examination table and wait for the doctor. He swung his legs nervously. "Vegeta, quit it!!! You're going to kill someone!!" Bulma said. Vegeta just swung his legs a little faster. "Veggie, it's O.K!! Gosh you're such a wuss." Bulma said. Vegeta threatened her with a fist and she shut up immedeantly. Vegeta looked at the maps on the wall and studied them to take his mind off what would happen next. He had memorized 26 Japanese cities and their locations by the time the doctor finally came into the room. He sat up straight as a board. "Hello!!" The gaudy lady said. Vegeta made a face. GREAT. A female doctor. Just marvelous. And considering how high up on his thigh the bite was... Bulma was the only one who said hello. Vegeta just sat there with his arms crossed. "Uh...I said HELLO." said the doctor. Vegeta studied his swinging feet. He didn't like to talk to people whom he didn't know or care about. "Don't be so rude." Bulma said. Vegeta grunted at her. "You say this man was bit by misquito?" She asked, missing a word in the sentence. One guess on what it was. "Yes I was. And it's so far up on my thigh that I won't let you look at it. That would be sexual." Vegeta said. The doctor looked at him funny. "Uh....I hafta see it." She said. Vegeta flipped her off and Bulma made an evil glare at Vegeta. Vegeta rolled his eyes and then showed her the bite on his thigh. "There. You've seen it." He said. He felt her touch it and he screamed. "DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!!!" He yelled. The doctor recoiled. Bulma laughed. "Only my wife is aloud to touch me there, and I rarely let her." Vegeta said. All lies. "Uh.......I hafta take a blood test." the doctor said. "And I hafta feel your organs." Bulma sat straight up when the doctor said that. She knew Vegeta would never let her do that; it was too close to a feel-up. "Uh...can't you just skip that part?" Bulma asked. "He REALLY doesen't like- " But it was too late. The woman dug one hand into Vegeta's tummy and he kicked her into the wall. She hit the ground with a thud. Bulma laughed. "Vegeta!!!" She said, trying not to laugh. The poor doctor was in shambles. "I'll be back for a blood test." She said, staggering out like a rabid animal. Vegeta and Bulma laughed at her as she left. "Did you see that? She tried to feel me up!!!" Vegeta said. Bulma shook her head. "NOO!! She was trying to make sure your organs are O.K!" She said. She laughed again and Vegeta just stared at her. "I know feeling up when I...feel it." He said. He swung his feet and stared at them somemore. Bulma finally grabbed one to make it stop. He STILL didn't have any clothes so he had come to the doctors office in his underwear and with no shoes. He looked pathetic. "Your feet are dirty and cut up. I need to take some peroxide to them or something." She said. Vegeta grabbed his foot up from her and put both of them up under himself. "How do they take my blood?" Vegeta asked. Bulma gulped. "Umm... well, they have this little needle-" "NEEDLE?! They're gonna hurt me?" Vegeta said. Bulma shook her head. "Nope. At least I hope not. Anyway, it's a little needle, and it has a little chamber on the end, and they pull this little lever up and it sucks some blood out of your veins, something like that. I'm not sure how it works. OR, they take it from an I.V, but you don't have one in." She said. Vegeta was scared now. There was nothing he hated more than being in a doctor like a lab rat. Plus he hated being IN a doctor's office because he thought it was pitiful for a saiyan to need one. But, unfortunatly, saiyans had their times too. Finally the doctor came back in with blood all over her from Vegeta's kick. "O.K, I hafta take some blood now-" Vegeta screamed and threw a fit. He thrashed his arms everywhere and banged on the little table. "YOU WILL NOT STICK THAT THING IN MY BEAUTIFUL SKIN!!!! IT'LL BRUISE!!" He yelled. Bulma slapped her forehead. "Vegeta, shut up and let her take your blood or I'll never have sex with you again." She said. Vegeta immedeantly sat straight up and tall, without uttering a sound. The doctor stuck the needle into his upper arm and all of his rage returned. He made an aura and the doctor went flying against the wall AGAIN. But this time she didn't escape with her life. "Vegeta!! You killed her!!" Bulma said. She grimaced and walked over to the needle that was stuck in Vegeta's arm. She stuck it all the way in and pulled the lever up. "You hussy!! Your double crosser!! You were supposed to take it out!!" Vegeta said. Bulma ignored his horrible words. "Come on." She said. She wasen't very happy with Vegeta right now. She gave a passing nurse the little thingy. "I think that doctor wanted it tested." She said. "She accidently....uh....she had a heart attack!! Yeah!! That's it!!" She told the nurse his name and the nurse took the thingy. Bulma led Vegeta into the 'family room'. (It's kinda like a break area??) "YOU KILLED HER!! YOU ARE TERRIBLE!!!!I WILL NEVER SCREW YOU AGAIN YOU KILLER! YOU MURDERER~!!" She yelled, right into poor Vegeat's face. Vegeta just backed up and looked at her casually. "So? She hurt me!! You said I could kill people if it was for my protection, remember?" He said. Bulma threw her hands down to her sides. "VEGETA, I MEANT IF THE PERSON WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU, AND IT WAS AIMED MAINLY AT PEOPLE LIKE FRIEZA OR BUU!! SHE WASEN'T TRYING TO HURT YOU!! SHE WAS TRYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!" She yelled. Now Veggie was getting kinda scared. "Sorry." He said, and he made a fake tear roll down his cheek. Bulma felt bad immedeantly. Vegeta looked so SAD and so CUTE when he cried!! "I'm sorry Vegeta...but you shoulden't kill people. It's not nice!!" She said, wiping the tears off his face. Vegeta tried to surpress a smirk. "Uhh...O.K. I didn't mean to though." He said, making his voice hitch so it sounded like he was really crying. Bulma gave him a big hug around the neck. "O.K. I'll still screw you." She said. Vegeta smiled as she hugged him. He always got his way if he cried!!
They sat down back in the waiting room and waited for the results until the nurse called them into a room. "Uh, I've got some bad news." The nurse said. Vegeta and Bulma both's eyes widened. "It seems, Vegeta, that you have contracted Malaria, a blood desiese carried by misquitos." The nurse said. Bulma's face went white. She almost fainted. "WHAT???!!" She said. She saw Vegeta was all smiles. He knew something she didn't, but what? "Sir, I can assure you this is much more serious than you seem to take it to be." The nurse said to the smiling Vegeta. Vegeta just nodded. "I know. I'm just trying to accept what's happened." He said. He giggled under his breath. See, he KNEW that Malaria woulden't affect him the least bit, being a saiyan and all. So he decided to PLAY like he had Malaria, as a little joke. It would be funny to see Bulma pity over him. "My poor Veggie!!" Bulma said, hugging him. Vegeta growled at her public display of affection but said nothing. "When will his symptoms start showing up?" She asked. "They should either start tonight, or sometime tomorrow. He should have a fever, get chills and be dizzy. The spells of it are each 48 hours after eachother. The first spell is just like a little bug; the second spell is a bit worse and the third or fourth spell usually kills if they don't take the antibodic. So we've perscribed him one." She handed Bulma the perscription. Vegeta was laughing into her shoulder but Bulma thought he was crying.
After they got Vegeta's medicene they went back to their camp in the woods. "Go to bed, Vegeta. You need to take a nap and get rest." Bulma said. Aw, Great. Now I hafta pay the price for playing this joke on Bulma; I hafta lay down all day. He thought. "No!! I don't feel bad!" He whined. Bulma growled. "Lay down right now!!!" She said. Vegeta mocked her. "No!!!" He said. Bulma tackled him and covered him up in the blankets. "If you get up again...uh....I'll do something terrible to you." She said. Vegeta wasen't afraid but he laid down anyways. He looked around and thought of ways to make himself look sick. How could he make his cheeks flushed and stuff? He had some ideas but they're to graphic to say in this fanfiction, even if it IS rated R. Anyways, he needed some way to get rid of Bulma so he could do these things to make himself look sick. "Bulma, can you go and find me uh.....uh....go and get firewood." Vegeta said. Bulma shushed him. "Go to sleep." She said. Vegeta got the perfect idea. He'd get up to get the firewood, and then he'd act like he had barely staggered back to camp and that he was sick!!! It was perfect. Vegeta got up from the pallet. "I'm going to get some firewood if you don't!!!" He said. Bulma frowned. "LAY DOWN!!!" She yelled. Vegeta shook his head. Bulma thought of how she could make him give in. Then she thought of the clown college situation. "Lay back down right now or I'll tickle!!" She said. Vegeta groaned. "Don't make me, PLEASE!!" He said. He made big moon eyes. "Go to bed." Bulma said. Vegeta slumped over to the pallet and wrapped himself up in the blankets. He let out one high pitched fit-scream. "I don't wanna go to bed..." He whined. Bulma shushed him. "Remember your warning. Now go to sleep." She said. Vegeta closed his eyes. He was already beginning to hate this dumb joke because now he coulden't get up or speak a word or anything. "Geeta want some water?" He asked. Bulma sighed and filled a Dixie Cup with water and gave it to him. "Drink it and go to sleep." She said. Vegeta gulped it down and rolled over. That should make him hafta pee. Then he could get up and go into the woods to do it and make himself look sick. It was a perfect plan. "Can I have one more glass please? Just ONE MORE and then I'll quit bothering you!!" He said. Bulma gave him another glass of water. He gulped it down. "Now go to sleep NOW." She said. She loved having control over the man and he hated it when she had control over him. As his eyes were closed he visualized horrible ways he could make it to where he woulden't hafta lay down. Like he could ki blast her to death. Or punch her to death. But he knew these were just empty threats in his mind. Soon he got the urge to urine. "Bulma! I gotta pee!!" He said. Bulma made a face and she realized why Vegeta had wanted the water. So he could get up to go pee!! "Sure. There's a hole right in front of the blanket. Go pee in the hole." Bulma said. Vegeta groaned again. Another plan ruined!! "But I don't want to pee in front of a lady!! It's not nice, you see!! Women aren't supposed to see obscene things like men pissing." Vegeta said. "I've seen your dick a million times before!! I have SEX with you practically every night!!!" She said. "And I've watched you pee, too!!!" Vegeta pounded the ground and went pee in the hole. Just don't imagine that, O.K? I'm not going too, even if it WOULD be sexy as hell. "Come back and lay down." Bulma said. Vegeta crawled back over to the bed and closed his eyes. "I hate you." He said. "I hate you so much that I wish you were dead. I hate you." Bulma knew he didn't mean it. But she decided to act sad. "You hate me? Oh my god, my husband hates me!!!" Bulma said, malodramatically. She acted like she was crying and she forced tears out of her eyes. Vegeta's eyes popped open. He saw her fake tears and thought she was crying. "Bulma?!" He said. He grabbed her arm but she shook his hand off. ":I'm sorry Bulma!! I didn't mean it, really!! It was just meaningless jibber jabber!!" Bulma wiped her fake tears off. "I was joking." She said. Vegeta frowned a horrible frown. "You're mean." He said, and rolled over to go to sleep. He thought of himself killing Bulma once again, this time afterwards he played basketball with her head. Everytime it bounced, blood would splatter onto the wooden court floors. He giggled from the dream. His eyes popped open when he realized something. He needed to make his 'symptoms' appear fast!! How could he make himself dizzy, feverish AND flushed? He didn't know. He sat up. "Bulma, I can't sleep." He said. Bulma was trying to make a sweater with her knitting stuff she had brought. "Try." She said. Vegeta growled. "I really can't!! Why can't you just make me go to sleep when I start to feel bad?" Vegeta asked. "Vegeta, this is your last warning. If you don't lay down right now I'll tickle you so much you wet yourself." Bulma said. Vegeta blew air out of his mouth like a horsey does. "Listen here,.DARLING. I'm the man of the house. That means I can tell you to do whatever I want you to do!! I also don't hafta listen to you!! And you also seem to forget that I'm a muscular man and much bigger and stronger than you'll ever-HOOHOOHAHAHAH!!" He squealed. Bulma had begun to tickle him because he woulden't lay down. Vegeta was thinking, What kind of a man of the house am I if I cant get my own wife under control? He struggled with her hands to try and remove them from his ribs. He managed to pry one loose but she jerked it out of his grasp and just tickled again. Vegeta coulden't stop laughing. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!" Vegeta screamed. He thought about how his own wife was winning over him, so he decided to take things into his own hands. He reached up and started to tickle HER, too. Now they were both tickling eachother. "VEGETA, I'M WARNING YOU!!" Bulma squealed. Vegeta tried to get his feet underneath her to push her off. "NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!" He chortled. He managed to kick her off, but she came running back. Vegeta got up and flew into a tree. "You can't get me NOW." He said. "I'm safe from you." He stuck his tounge out at her and threw ki blasts. She managed to avoid each one just by running. "Your pretty fast for a dumb human!!" He screamed. Then something started to happen. His vision was getting fuzzy!! All of that running and laughing had made him flushed and dizzy, so he pitched out of the tree, fainted. Bulma saw him plop to the ground and realized he wasen't faking. "Veggie?" She said, rolling him over. His eyes stayed tightly closed. Bulma grabbed a wet wash cloth and placed it on his head, and then managed to lift him to the pallet.
Vegeta woke up about 30 minutes later and realized his plan had worked. He saw Bulma hovering over him. "Veggie!!! You're awake!!" She said. She grabbed a pill out of a little bottle. "Take this." She said. Vegeta popped it into his mouth and chewed it up. The tasted reminded him of chalk. "What happened?" Vegeta asked, faking that he didn't remember. "You're having your first spell of Malaria!! You fainted!!" Bulma said. Vegeta noticed her cheeks were tearstained and thought that perhaps this joke haden't been the best of ideas after all but there was no turning back now. "You cried." Vegeta said. Bulma nodded. "Yes. I cried." "Your sad." Vegeta said. "Yes. I'm sad." Bulma answered. Vegeta realized something. Trying to make her happy had only ended up in making it worse for the both of them!! He didn't want to sit in bed playing hookie and she didn't want to be sad. Vegeta had ruined things YET AGAIN. "Remember that I'm a SAIYAN, Bulma?!" Vegeta said. "Maybe this.....whatever it's called...won't kill me because I just don't happen to be human?" He tried. He hoped it would calm her down just a little bit. But she cried again. Vegeta mumbled something under his breath. "I hate South America!! If it wasen't for South America then you woulden't have been bit by that misquito!!" Bulma said through her sobs. "Well at least be glad that we're not in AFRICA. Their animals there are even worse." Vegeta said. Bulma looked up from her sobbing with interest. "What are you talking about?" She asked. Vegeta laughed. "Well, in Africa there's a fish who can go up your crotch and they hafta surgiacly remove it. When they go in the water they hafta put a hand down there. It's true!" He said. (It really IS true, too. I read it out of a book of dangerous sea creatures.) "That's gross." Bulma said as she cupped a hand over her mouth. Geeta stretched out. "I want some clothes." He said. "I'm tired of laying around in my dirty underwear." And Bulma was tired of seeing him lay around in his underwear. "O.K. I'll walk down the block and see if I can find some clothes for you. And whatever I find you'll hafta live with it because I'm not returning anything." She said. Vegeta grumbled something horrible about her under his breath. While she was gone, he could get up and do something because he was tired of laying down when there was nothing wrong with him at all. Then, he could act like he was REALLY sick and make her even more worried. Vegeta was good at playing hookie when he wanted to get out of something or wanted to play a joke. Bulma grabbed her purse. "I'll be back probably in an hour and a half." She said. "Try to get some sleep while I'm gone." She walked away and all the sudden Vegeta wished a bear would get her and maul her. It would be pretty funny at this point. But Vegeta DID feel bad for making her so sad. As soon as she was out of sight and Vegeta could no longer hear her footsteps, he pulled himself to his feet. He wasen't dizzy or flushed anymore, even though it was hot as hell out in the woods. He went to a little pond and put his feet in to ease his mind. But he made a huge mistake, because when he pulled them out there was something on his left foot. He tried to pull it off and it was stuck. It looked like a slug. "Get off, buggy." He said. He pulled on it again. It stayed stuck tight to his skin. It was like it was sucking on him. "Get off me, BUG!!" He said. He pulled as hard as he could but it stayed stuck. Great. What would Bulma say now that she knew he'd been up? He had to get the bug off because it could turn out to be fatal. But just what was it anyhow?
Bulma walked down to the clothes shop and she noticed all the clothes were colorful. Vegeta woulden't wear anything colorful, so she just decided to pick out what SHE would like to see him wear. She found a little yellow sweater that was very cute. "Aw." She said, under her breath. She imagined Vegeta in it and it looked cute on him!! But would Vegeta like it? She put it back on the rack when she thought about what Vegeta would think. She came across a ADORABLE blue sweater that had a deer on it. The deer was drawn cartoony. When she saw how the deer looked she put it back. Then she saw a short sleeved pocket shirt that was bright green. a big X on the color. She could find nothing he'd look good in!! Then something came across her eye. It was a blue suit that was a dark blue tanktop and blue sweatpants. But it wasen't spandex and it wasen't tight. It was made from a sweater type susbtance. But it would look so CUTE on Vegeta, and the material it was made out of was so soft that Vegeta just might like it. She picked that one out for Vegeta and went to the checkout line.
Vegeta tried everything to get the buggy off his foot but nothing would work. He needed BULMA!! "BULMAAAA!!!" He screamed. But she didn't answer because he forgot that humans didn't have the excellent hearing that saiyans had. He kicked his feet in a small tempramental fit. He noticed that where the leech was was turning his cute foot purple. "No! My beautiful skin!!!" He said. He tried again to pull it off. But he coulden't. "BULMAAAAA!!" He yelled. He hoped her 'woman's intuition' as she called it would kick in. When he had died that one time she had known something was the matter so maybe now she would. But after 30 minutes she still didn't show. He whined. FINALLY he heard her footsteps coming. "BULMA!!!" He yelled. He heard her start to run instead of walk tworeds him. She noticed he was sitting on the ground, about 3 feet away from his pallet by the little pond. She saw there was tears coming down his face. "What's wrong?" She asked, dropping the bag and running over. Vegeta showed her his foot. "This buggy bit my foot and I can't get it off!!!" He wailed. Bulma looked at the bug. She tried to pull it off. "It's a leech." She said. "They suck people's blood. And I see that you were putting your feet in that water, which is stupid. That's just another way to contract desieses." She went and got a match, then lit it on a tree. "What are you doing?" Vegeta asked. "I'm burning it off. I don't want to try to pull it off because it might hurt you." Bulma replied. She walked over to him with the match. "Gimme your foot." She said. Vegeta slowley inched his foot tworeds her. Bulma put the match to the leech's skin and it dropped off. Then she crushed it under a shoe and blew the match out. She looked at the wound on Vegeta's foot. "Lemme get the peroxide." She said. As she walked over to the suitcases to get it Vegeta looked at the pond. "Foolish pond." He said, exploding it with a ki blast. Dirty water rained all over Vegeta and Bulma's heads. "GEETA!!!" Bulma yelled. Vegeta chuckled as Bulma tried to brush dirty water and debris off her clothes. She brung the peroxide over to Vegeta. She put some on a cottonball and began to clean out the wound. After she was done she showed Vegeta his clothes. "Aren't they so cute?" She asked. Vegeta groaned. "Put them on!!" Bulma said. Vegeta grabbed the blue tanktop and put it on. It felt GREAT! "This material is soft." He said. Bulma nodded as she handed him the pants and he put them on. Then she gave him some socks and his tennis shoes. He looked absolutley adorable in that outfit. Vegeta decided it was time to play out his joke even more. "Oh, Lordy Lordy!! I think I'm going to-*swoon*" Vegeta played like his knees buckled and he fell. Bulma caught his shoulders before he hit the ground. "Veggie?" She asked. Vegeta blinked his eyes open. Bulma dragged him onto the pallet. "You don't seem to be running a fever!!" She said. That got Vegeta's mind on something. How could he make himself run a fever? He decided he'd make his body heat skyrocket, so he did. "Oh NO!! You are!!" Bulma said. Vegeta acted like he was really sick. "Oh man! I uh......My eyes burn, my nose is runny, and my head hurts!!" He complained. Bulma could tell there was something in his voice that made what he was saying sound untrue but she shook it out of her mind. Maybe he was playing a joke, and maybe he wasen't. Vegeta made a fake cough come out but it sounded too fake. Bulma didn't seem to notice though. "What a nasty cough!! Lemme get you some Robitussion." She said. Vegeta fake coughed again. This time it sounded a little more real. "Oh man!! I think I'm gonna die." He said. But he didn't sound sick at all, and Bulma noticed this. Something was telling her he was faking this whole fiasco. Bulma gave him some Robitussion and he made the cough stop.