Chapter the seventh
Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or any other trademarked materials in this fanfiction.
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Vegeta was making obscene honking noises as he tried to act like he was choking on snot. "Veggie, stop that!!" Bulma said. She was trying to read and she coulden't because he just woulden't quit with the nasty noises. "Oh no!! I think I'm going to choke to death!!" Vegeta faked, making his voice sound croaky. This also sounded fake. "You malodramatic." Bulma muttered, under her breath. Vegeta made a hissing noise and Bulma had enough. She threw her book at him. "SHUT UP!!" She screamed. Vegeta looked at her with hurt in his eyes. "But I have....ma...ma...Maha...Maharila....." He said. He coulden't remember what it was called. "It's called MALARIA, stupid. And I don't know....people with Malaria usually dance a lot." Bulma said. She saw Vegeta be still and quiet for a second. "OH NO!! I feel like dancing!!" He said, after about 30 seconds. He got up and jumped and twirled and rolled. Bulma was laughing her head off. Then Vegeta layed back down. "I don't know what on earth possesed me to do that, but I just wanted to DANCE!! Hey, why are you laughing?" Vegeta said. "Because, idiot!! People with Malaria don't dance!! I knew it! You're faking!!" She said. Vegeta pouted. "Uh...Uh...No I'm not!!" He said. He acted like he fainted and accidently bumped his poor head on a rock. It went *clonk*. Bulma laughed and Geeta was sad. "S' not funny." He said. He moped over and sat on the edge of the river. He put his hands in the water and swirled them around, hoping to catch a minnow or something. Bulma realized this as a perfect oppourtunity to push him into the cold water in the stream but she didn't want to give him a cold. The water was probably freezing, and it wasen't too comfortable outside now. It was getting colder and colder by the hour. She knew if Vegeta got wet he might get Pnemonia and plus the water was dirty and he might get E-coli. Vegeta clapped his hands in the water as he tried to catch a fish. Vegeta was poking around in the water when he saw a long thing that looked like a worm swim through the water. But it was too big to be a worm. "Bulma, that's this?" He asked. But Bulma didn't hear him so Vegeta grabbed the creature by the tail and held it up. He studied it. It had a head on the end and menacing eyes and fangs that didn't look too nice. "Snake." He said to himself as he realized what the animal was. He used to eat these when food was scarce, but this one was venomous so that was a big No-No. He threw it back into the water and continued searching for a minnow to see. He liked to look at stupid things like that. Bulma saw him over there, as he picked up the snake and released it. Her first instinct was to run over and make him drop it but she knew he was very smart and knew how to handle dangerous animals like that. She saw him splash some water up out of the river and make it rain on him. He called it 'Playing Rain.' it used to be an old sex-in-the-bath game when they first met but now it was just something to do when you were bored. Bulma looked around the scenery in the forest and took picture after picture of it. Then she heard Vegeta holler. "Geeta?" She asked. She turned around and saw Vegeta crouching over the river and putting his hand in it. She ran over to him. "What happened?" She asked. Vegeta clenched his teeth. "That dumb snake bit me!!" He said, through clenched teeth. Bulma coulden't help but laugh at poor Vegeta, who slapped at her. Vegeta tapped his feet up and down. "OOOHHH It HURRTS!!!" He said. Bulma laughed again so Vegeta just ignored her. He removed his injured hand from the water and saw the puffy bite was all purple around the bite. But he knew the poisen wasen't deadly to him, being a saiyan and all. Back in the days when he used to eat them he was bit by the most venomous snake of all and all it did was make him sick for a couple days, and not very bad sick. "That looks bad." Bulma said. She had finally got herself under control and stopped laughing at Veggie. "Will it kill you?" She asked. Vegeta shook his head. "NO. IT WONT. But it still hurts like hell." He wrapped some material around it and tied it with his teeth. "Don't do that. It's bad." Bulma said. She took it off and Vegeta growled. "You don't control me, woman. You know that, right?" He said. Bulma didn't say anything about the 'woman' comment. "Let me see it." She said. Vegeta jerked his hand away. "I can take care of it myself, thank you." He said. He cringed as it throbbed and Bulma laughed at him again. Veggie groaned. He went over and sat on his blanket. He layed down and wrapped up in the sheets. "Vegeta, what are you doing?" She asked. "Uh....I was.... hoping that if I lay down it might make it stop." He said. He stared blankley ahead and watched the river run. Then he fell asleep.
He woke up at about 5:00 in the afternoon and Bulma was sitting next to him rubbing his thigh. "I take it you wanna snuggle?" He asked, calmly removing her hand from his thigh and placing it soflty on the ground next to Bulma. Bulma frowned at his distant attitude. "Let me see that snake bite." She said. Vegeta rolled his eyes and showed it to her. It looked much better. "Good. Now that teaches you not to mess with snakes." Bulma said. Vegeta frowned horribly. "My muscles hurt really bad." He complained. Bulma mocked him with her mouth. "Don't whine." She said. Vegeta let out a huge scream. Bulma clapped a hand over his mouth. "What do you want me to do about your muscles hurting? They're inside of you!!" She said. Vegeta made his bottom lip stick out and it looked VERY cute. "Are we going to go home tomorrow?" Bulma asked. Vegeta was silent for a minute. "We might and we might not. I kinda like being out here in the woods; it's peaceful." He said. But he was liying. The truth was he just didn't want to be on the dumb old plane again ever. He hated it. If he could he'd stay in South America forever to avoid the plane ride but he really missed Bra and Trunks and needed to see them. He let out a deep sigh. He sat up and stretched out his sore muscles. The action of stretching out the muscles made him cringe. He was never even this sore when he fought battles!! "Your muscles are more than likely sore because of the way you sleep or the snake bite." Bulma said. Vegeta slouched. "What's the time?" He asked. Bulma looked at her watch. "Uh...It's about 5:10 PM. Why?" She asked. Vegeta bucked himself back to laying down. "Because I thought maybe that we could go to bed really soon. But it's too early." He said. He grabbed some water out of the suitcase and began to gulp it down. Water ran all down his face and onto his brandnew clothes, and got his biking gloves all soggy. "Sicko." Bulma said. Vegeta stared at her funny and crawled over to his place by the river bed. He hugged his knees and watched the fishies play. Bulma stared at the back of him as he watched the water and saw that he was wavering from tiredness. Maybe it would be a good idea to make him go to sleep now? But then he'd be stubborn and say 'HE WASEN'T TIRED' . Bulma just took somemore pictures of the surrounding scenery. It was really pretty but getting a little bit cold. She took a picture of the back of depressed Vegeta. I could add a caption to that one. She thought to herself. Vegeta turned around at the click of the camera and frowned. Bulma took a picture of that, too. Vegeta yowled and covered his eyes, turning around. Bulma felt sorry for him because he was sad. Maybe she should give him a massage to make his muscles feel better? (This part might get a little steamy. If you don't want to read crap like this, than just start reading again when you see the *****. Thank you for your time.) Bulma grabbed the massage oil she had brought for their usual flings that took place about every other night. Hey, it happens. She rubbed it all over her hands. It made them all slick and discusting feeling and she didn't know HOW she could put the discusting crap on her hands in the first place. She walked over to Veggie. "Take your shirt off." She ordered. Vegeta looked up at her with a frown on his face. "I don't hafta do what you say." He said. Bulma rolled her eyes. "Take it off now if you want your massage." She said, showing him the oil on her hands. "Oooh. Why didn't you say so?" He asked, stripping his shirt off. Bulma began to massage his neck muscles. Vegeta groaned; but it wasen't a pleasurable groan. It was a groan of pain. "What's wrong?" Bulma asked. "You did it too hard!! You blow at this!!" Vegeta said. This hurt Bulma's feelings. "That better?" She asked, going slower. Vegeta nodded. "A lil bit." He said. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the massage. It felt really good to his aching muscles, and also helped him stop missing his children. She worked her way down to the middle of his back. Vegeta had to bend down so she could do it, so low he could smell the earth. He was afraid he'd get dirt in his nose so he breathed from his mouth. "I'm not the amazing bendable posable man, you know." He said. He smiled and gave a little groan as she massaged his back. "Why is it you don't want to go home tomorrow?" Bulma asked. Vegeta's smile dissapeared immedeantly. He didn't want to tell her he was afraid of a big dumb ol plane. "Uh.....because I like it in the woods. It's pretty and peaceful and there's minnows in the river." He said. Bulma could tell this wasen't it. "PEACEFUL? You told me yourself that the misquitos buzzing was enough to drive you mad." She said. "And you said that the woods was all ugly and the minnows were boring!!" Vegeta frowned. This was all true. "Well, I also think that this place is...a place for us to....spend some alone time!!Yeah!! That's it!!" Geeta said. "I think you're just scared of that plane!!" Bulma said, going a little too hard. Vegeta jumped. "NO. I'm not scared of that plane. And watch those fingernails, woman." He said. Bulma got sad that he was ordering her around when all she was doing was trying to make him happy. It made her so mad she wanted to dig her fingernails into him as hard as she could and make him shreak and then laugh as they bled. She thought of this and laughed. "Pick up the pace." Vegeta said. Bulma growled. "You are such an @$$hole sometimes." She said. She began to massage his arms. Vegeta tried not to yell at her agian as she pinched him on accident. Or maybe it was on purpose, he didn't know nor care. He just knew that the massage was helping A LOT. Bulma soon worked her way to his chest, forcing him to lay down. She had to climb on him in a somewhat sexual pose. "This is ironic." Vegeta said, smirking. Bulma grumbled something but Vegeta didn't hear. She liked to grumble a lot. "MMMM..." Vegeta said, as a joke. Bulma kneed him in the leg. He shreaked. "Sorry!!" Bulma said in a smart@$$ tone. "Do you like this?" Bulma asked. Vegeta stared up at the clouds and tried to make out what shapes they could be. This used to be his favorite game when he was a boy and when Trunks was young he used to play this game with him all of the time. Sometimes he could come up with some pretty imaginative things. "Hm?" Bulma said. Vegeta snapped out of it. "I'm sorry. I wasen't listening." He said. He closed his eyes and smiled again. He groaned, and this time it was of pleasure instead of pain. He decided that he liked her being on top of him in this pose, even if they weren't making love. He could still pretend in his mind. He was really relaxed and about to fall asleep when he felt her stop. "Keep going.." He said, getting irratated. "If you want me to be happy, then I'd say keep going!!!" She stared ahead of herself. "I just thought about something!! You're probably having fantasies RIGHT NOW, right?" She asked. Vegeta whistled. Bulma smiled. In a way she liked it a lot. This meant that he thought she was a peice of @$$....wait? Was that a complement or not? "That's good." She said. She continued going. She worked her way down to his abs. "WERE you having fantasies about me again?" She asked. But his eyes were closed again, so he obviously was. "We could make those fantasies REAL!!!" Bulma said. Vegeta's eyes popped open. "Wow. We could?" He asked. Bulma nodded. Vegeta thought. "Finish my massage first, alright?" He asked. So she did finish his massage, and then she granted his fantasies. (*****)
Vegeta woke up next to Bulma by the river and realized that he was naked under a blanket, so he put his clothes on. He saw Bulma was in her little skimpy longerie she liked to wear when they snuggled because it was easy to take off; just with one upward ripping motion. When he noticed it was nighttime he decided just to let her be because she wanted to sleep tonight, so Vegeta just rolled over and closed his eyes. But he found it very hard to go to sleep, and it was only about 12:00 midnight. Now he was stuck awake for the rest of the night. He decided to make a roasted marshmallow-his favorite food. He grabbed a bunch of sticks and lit a match. He started a fire on the sticks. Then he started digging in the suircase for a marshmallow, or at least a bag of them. His hands reached something sticky. "Bingo!" He said to himself. He ripped his hand out of the suitcase along with the bag of sticky stuff. Yes, it was marshmallows....but they were all melted together. He ripped a peice out and put it on a stick. Then he put it over the fire. He heard Bulma stir for some reason unnatural. Probably because of the light of the fire which was lulling Vegeta asleep but he knew he coulden't or else he might burn the whole woods down. He had had quite the experiance with fires and he didn't wanna do it again. When his marshmallow was done, he began to eat it. But he noticed scary things in the almost pitch black dark that scared him pretty bad, such as the sound the wind made when it blew and different animals and things. Vegeta thought he heard his name spoken but he was just imagining things. He sat in a huddle by the fire and hoped he'd be alright. Several times he imagined something trying to grab him. He hugged his knees a little bit harder and closed his eyes, trying to go to sleep. Then he felt something brush against his back along his spine, making him shudder. He jumped into a tree. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!!" He screamed. But what he saw down there wasen't scary at all. It was Bulma; who was awake. "What's wrong with you tonight? It was just me!!" She said. Vegeta floated back down. "D-Dont DO that!! It practacally scared the life out of me!!" He said. Bulma laughed. "I wasen't trying to scare you. I thought a MIGHTY SAIYAN as you call yourself coulden't be scared." She said. Vegeta was silent for a couple of minutes. He had nothing to say. "I was making some marshmallows. Roasted ones." He said. "I can see that. You have it all around your mouth." Bulma said. Vegeta wiped it off with the back of his hand and licked it off. He put another hunk of marshmallows on the stick. He threw Bulma a stick. "This will rot your teeth out." She commented. Vegeta mocked her words with mouth movements and put his marshmallows over the fire. The fire crackled and he jumped back a little. "Do you think we're going home tomorrow?" Bulma asked, scooting next to him and putting her marshmallow over the fire. Vegeta growled. "How many times have you asked me that? I said I DON'T KNOW!!!" He roared. Bulma cringed back. "Sorry." Vegeta said, plainly. She ran over to the other side of the fire to avoid being screamed at again. The shadows on her face made her look scary, thought Vegeta. "You look like a ghoul." He said. Bulma made the saddest face ever imaginable. "Really? You think I look like a ghoul?" She asked. Vegeta giggled and shook his head. "NOO. I mean in the shadows of the fire you look scary." He said. Bulma kinda smiled at this. "So do you." She said. Vegeta took a bite out of the marshmallow and lay down on his pallet. "I'm going to sleep. You can stay up all by yourself since you decided to wake up and scare me." He said. He threw the stick behind him and went to sleep, leaving Bulma to sit by the fire all alone.
In the morning Vegeta woke up to find Bulma with her big blue eyes staring RIGHT in his face. "AAAAAAAAAHHH!!" He screamed. He rolled over and over and over until he was on the edge of the river about to fall in. Bulma laughed at him as he struggled to stay on dry land. He accidently toppled into the river. He was under for a second and then popped up. "You....you....B*tch, you!!" He said. He shook the water out of his ears and hair. Bulma laughed at him even harder. "Did you take a nice swim?" She asked. Vegeta growled and tried to get up out of the river. Bulma stomped on his fingers when he tried to get out. "OUCH!!!" He yelled. He withdrew his hands as quickly as he could and went down to find another way to get up. But she always followed. "See, this is what puzzles me. You are able to take HOLES BLOWN THROUGH YOU, Broken extremities, being thrown into walls and all this other crap and you cant take someone STOMPING ON YOUR HANDS?" She said. "I never said I liked all that stuff." Vegeta said. "You woulden't last a day against what I hafta go through all the time." Bulma stomped on his hands again as he tried to get up. Vegeta threw a big old fit and swam to the other side of the river and pulled himself up there. Then he flew back over to their campsite. "B*tch." He said as he dried himself off. He went and put on his dry clothes. "I want to go to town today Veggie. We should see what is in South America before we hafta leave." Bulma said. Vegeta dried his hair off with a towel, making it all fuzzy and raggled when he dropped the towel to the ground. "Why? I thought all you wanted to do was go home?" He asked. He handed her a comb to comb out his hair with. He sat down and she began doing it, almost ripping out clumps of it by each stroke. "Well, that was when we were in France and everything was going wrong." Bulma said. Vegeta clenched his teeth to bare the pain of her trying to comb a knot out of his hair. "Ow! Please be careful!!!" He said. Bulma went a little softer. "see all the difference the word please can make?" She asked. Vegeta sat there bored until she was finished. "There." She said. "You are done." Vegeta felt of his hair. "It feels fine." He said. He walked over to the river to watch the minnows play. But the minnows were still scared away by his little tumble. He swirled his hands around in the water. "Vegeta, come on. Let's go and do something, O.K?" Bulma asked. Vegeta swirled his hands around just a little bit more and looked at her. "Alright, fine." He said. He let her on his back and he flew out of the forest and into town, where children suffering from atrophy roamed around. "It's worse than Japan." Bulma commented. Vegeta averted his pupils at her for a second. "What should we do?" He asked. The town was nearly deserted. "Let's go see some natives!!" Bulma said. Vegeta groaned. "Bulma, that woulden't be very smart. You see, some natives are bent on sacrifices and things like that. Think of this 'Sacrifice the lady and the man!!' and then we'd be dead." He said. Bulma laughed. She jumped off Veggie's back. "Yeah right. If there is no way you can be contained in jail, there is NO WAY you can be sacrificed by Natives. You could ki blast thier heads off or do that little telekinesis thingy you do." Bulma said. Vegeta was silent for a second. "Not if my hands were tied up." He said. Bulma realized this was true. "Well...uh.....your still 5 times stronger than any starving native." She said. "Not if they were to gut me like a fish." He replied. Now it was Bulma's turn to be silent. She thought about a Native gutting Vegeta like a fish and it woulden't be pretty. She had gutted fish in her life, it was where you stuck a knife in their throat and then drug the knife down to their abdomen, slicing open their chest and stomach in the process. What was already horribly gross for fish would be just awful to watch and just as painful for a human. "Do you beleive in sacraficing natives, really truly?" Bulma asked. Vegeta nodded. "Yep. I saw it on the 'Discovery Channel.' " He said. He kicked a rock into a window and the window shattered into peices. Bulma giggled at this. Vegeta walked into a food store and Bulma followed. Inside the clerk was no where to be seen but there was all this weird stuff. "EEWW!!" Vegeta yelled, and huddled himself up behind Bulma, wrapping his arms around her so hard she thought she'd throw up. "What is it NOW?" She asked. Vegeta pointed a shaking finger at bowl on a shelf. "THOSE are samples. Go look in the bowl." He said. Bulma walked over to the bowl and peered in, and saw a bunch of cooked cactus worms inside there. Her mouth watered like she was about to vomit. "Discusting!!" She said. Vegeta nodded, in agreement. "Those are WORMS. They think people want to eat WORMS." Vegeta said. "Some people do, in this country." Was Bulma's answer. Then to his surprise, she picked one up, popped it into her mouth, and chewed it up. She swallowed it. "MM.. Not bad. Tastes kinda like...well, I really can't describe it." Vegeta's stomach rolled. "Your discusting." He said. Bulma picked one up. "Open your mouth." She said. Vegeta clamped his mouth shut and turned his head. "NO." He said. Bulma tried to put it in his mouth again but he turned his head the other way. She finally grabbed his face and forced him to open his mouth. She shoved it in. "Now chew!!" She ordered. Vegeta gagged. "No!!" He said as he ran over to the trashcan and tried to spit it out. Bulma woulden't let him, so Vegeta just chewed it up and swallowed. He spit it up about 2 minutes later, leaving Bulma laughing hysterically. He grabbed her arm. "Come on. Let's leave." He said. Bulma held up a finger. "Wait." She said. She walked over to the candy aisle and began to look at South American candy. There was some lollypops with bugs in them. "Hey Veggie! Come over here and look!!" She said. Vegeta crossed his arms and looked at the floor. "I think I'll just stay over here, thank you." He said. Bulma walked over and dragged him to the candy aisle. She showed him the lollypop. "Oh, SICK!!!!!" Vegeta yelled. He turned his head and clamped his eyes shut as tight as he could. He didn't want to see sh*t like that!! She showed him other discusting things, and Vegeta was sure he would be sick. "O.K, we can leave now." Bulma said. Vegeta sighed and they walked out of the store. They walked down the street as they looked for some other place that might be interesting.
They were in the middle of nowhere now. "I think we've wondered far enough from town." Vegeta said. He looked around. There were strange looking bugs everywhere and it was making him sqwirmy. He hated bugs and gory things. "Look at this!!" Bulma said as she picked something up. Vegeta was surprised she'd even touch anything out here. "What? Is it a bug?" Vegeta asked. Bulma smiled and inched tworeds him. Then she let whatever it was out and it flew in Vegeta's face, startling him. It flew up and away and Vegeta saw that it was the biggest butterfly he had ever seen in his whole life. "Nasty!! Don't do that again!!" He said. Before she could process that she threw something at him. It landed on his neck. "AAHH!! What is it?!!" Vegeta hollered. Bulma giggled. "It's a salamander." She said. Vegeta watched it crawl on his chest. "Cool." He said. He picked it up and it was so slippery that it almost slipped through his fingers. It crawled up his arm. "It's slimy and wet." Vegeta said. Bulma nodded. It crawled up the side of his face and into his hair. Bulma took it off. "It shoulden't get on your face. It could be carriying a desiese." She said. She put it under a rock. "Didn't you just crush it?" Vegeta asked. Bulma shook her head. "No. Salamanders can flatten themselves out." She said. She picked up a flower and smelled it. Then she stuck it under Vegeta's nose. "Smell. It smells good." She said. Vegeta smelled it and sneezed about 5 times. "It smells good but I think I'm allergic. "He said, as his sinuses began to clog up. He looked around in the grass for anymore cool things. Most of this stuff he had never even seen before!! He withdrew his hand as a weird looking bug almost got him, and he almost jumped into Bulma's arms when a snake crawled between his feet. "I don't like it out here!!" He complained, as he brushed a butterfly off his arm. Bulma released a mudpuppy back into a little pond. "O.K. We can go back to camp." She said. She climbed onto Vegeta's back, and he lifted off. She was thinking of payback for the Malaria joke. Maybe she could stick something down his shirt or something? Or maybe put something in his drink? She just thought about this as Vegeta flew them both back to the campsite.
Vegeta clapsed to the ground on his back when they got to camp. "Thank goodness. Most of that stuff I had never even heard of before." He said. He let out a huge breath of air and watched the leaves on the trees move as the wind blew them. Bulma was leaning over the river and trying to wash out the beer from some of Vegeta's original clothes. She was also washing his socks because he had had the same ones on for at least a week now. They had been so sweaty that they were sop and wet. Vegeta looked up and whistled. Bulma saw a Water Moccasin (The kind of snake that bit Veggie earlier in the story.) swim past so she had to stop washing his clothing. "Vegeta, I'm done." She said, hanging them up on a temporary clothesline she had made for such as this. Vegeta kept whistling and looking up at the trees move. Bulma went and layed down with her head on him. "What do you want, woman?" Vegeta asked, but not in a mean tone. Kind of in a gentle one, but it wasen't for all good intentions. "I want to lay here. Is that so wrong?" She asked. Vegeta turned his head. Bulma thought he was probably trying to go to sleep because smelling that flower had given him a headache bigtime. "Vegeta, I want you to stay awake. I'm bored when you go to sleep!!" Bulma said. Vegeta turned his head around and tried to decided whether he was horny or not. He knew that directly when he looked at her he saw she was beautiful but he didn't know if he wanted to lay her right here and right now. "Well, you can just be bored." Vegeta said. But he didn't close his eyes, he stared at her. It gave Bulma the chills. "Don't." She said. Vegeta averted his pupils to look at the ground in which he was laying on. Bulma put a little bit more of her body on top of him. (This part might get a little bit mushy, and sexual so if you don't like to read this crap, wait for the *****.) She caressed his chest with her fingers and Vegeta decided he WAS horny. He closed his eyes against her touch. "Do you wanna have SEX?" Bulma asked, being very blunt about the situation. Vegeta thought. "Hm.... I don't know. I'm not really energetic right now." He said with his eyes still closed. He was trying to say 'I'd rather sleep.' But she obviously didn't get the drift. "You never want to snuggle anymore ever since we left for this dumb trip!! You've only wanted to snuggle when Viagra was involved!!" Bulma said. Vegeta grunted and closed his eyes tighter. "Maybe I decided your getting boring?" He said. Bulma's eyes got as wide as dinner plates. "NO!!!" She said. "You do not think i'm getting boring!! Do you?!!" Vegeta laughed and opened his eyes just a LIIIITTLE bit. "No. I do not. But I think it's irratating when you keep talking to me." He said. He then closed his eyes again. Bulma figured she was putting him to sleep by this, so she quit. Vegeta's eyes opened. "Why'd you stop?" He asked. Instead of caressing now, she was digging her fingernails into his skin. "I'm so tired of you treating me like trash!!" She said. Vegeta wailed. "Don't do that!! You'll give me an infection!!" He said. She stopped digging her fingernails in and washed the blood off his chest with her hand. "Well, you DO treat me like trash." She said. She continued caressing and he closed his eyes again. "I'm sorry if I do. I just WANT TO GO HOME." He said. Bulma was surprised. "I thought you said you didn't want to go home? You said you liked it here." She said. Vegeta's eyes didn't open and he did not speak. "Answer me." Bulma said. Vegeta sighed. He still didn't speak. Bulma realized that he looked very cute when he was trying to sleep. He was humming. "What are you humming???" She asked. He didn't answer and Bulma realized it as a very depressing song. A song about DEATH. She realized right now that he felt like killing somebody. ANYBODY. Bulma realized with horror that this person could be HER. She tried to jerk up but his strong arm was holding her, making it impossible. "Oh NO!! He's gonna kill me!!" She said. Vegeta's eyes popped open. "WHAT?" He said. "You're gonna kill me. You were humming a song about death. You used to hum that song all the time when you were mad." She said. Vegeta shook his head. "NOOO, that's a different one. This song has to do with being REALLY REALLY horny." He said. He sighed and smiled. Bulma realized she really wasen't getting boring to him. "So I'm not getting boring?" She asked. Vegeta shook his head. "NO." He said. This was a major turn on to Bulma. She ripped his shirt off. "What the hell?!! I didn't say I wanted to have sex." He said. "Well I decided you did." Bulma said. Vegeta growled and grumbled something horrible. "Sleep DOES follow sex now doesen't it?" He asked himself. So he decided to have sex. (*****)
Vegeta woke up but his eyes remained closed. He didn't feel Bulma's arms around him anymore so he figured she had gotten up. He opened his eyes and....THERE WAS A HUGE FROG RIGHT ON HIS CHEST!! Vegeta hollered. "Get it off!! Get it off!!" He shouted. Bulma ran over, laughing. She grabbed the frog off his chest and put it in the grass. "That was the perfect joke!!" She exclaimed. She laughed and stood back. Vegeta sat up. "I can't beleive you, Bulma." He said. He had a horrible look on his face. Bulma found this to be a very cute look. Vegeta stood up and looked right into her eyes. "If you ever do that again I just might leave you." He said, crossing his arms tightly. Bulma was startled when he said this. "LEAVE ME? And exactly where would you go?" She asked. Vegeta pouched out his bottom lip. "Uh....I'd get Bunny to help me buy a house." He said. Bulma laughed. "Remember? Bunny's deceased." She said. Vegeta looked at the ground all sad like. He liked Bunny a lot. (Bunny is Mrs. Breifs.) "Oh yeah. I forgot." He said. He was always mad of course, but he was madder than he'd ever been right now. NOBODY put frogs on him and got away with it! Frogs are discusting!! He kicked dirt on Bulma's new shoes and on her jeans. "You look cute when your mad." Bulma said. Vegeta scoffed. "Don't ever say that to me again." He said. "You look cute when you're angry." Bulma repeated. Vegeta growled. He was acting very much like his old self at this moment where he didn't care about anybody or anything except himself. "What did I tell you? Don't make me blast your ugly head off, woman!!" Vegeta hollered, as loud as he could. He stomped a foot into the ground and made it crack. It kind of made Bulma sad that he called her 'ugly'. He haden't said that to her since they first met, and that was like, what, 27 years ago?? She was about to say something but decided not to. "Sorry." She said. Vegeta smirked and walked aimlessley over to sit by a tree. "What happened to you? Did you get a sharp stick up your @$$?' Bulma asked. Vegeta shook his head. "No. I want to go home." He said. "But you won't LET us go home!! First you say you'd rather stay and then you say you want to go!! Which is it?" Bulma asked, annoyed. Vegeta sighed. "I want to go but I'm afraid of the plane!!!" He shouted. It took Bulma a minute to process that. Then she laughed. "You're still scared of that whimpy old plane?" She asked. Vegeta blushed and looked at the ground. He played with an acorn like it was Tony Hawk. "I don't like it." He said. He let out a breath of air. Bulma laughed and pointed. "Hahahahahahahaha!! And you always talk about your 'Pride' and sh*t, and you won't even get on a stupid plane!!" She said. Vegeta growled. "You better shut up." He said. She kept talking, so Vegeta ki blasted her into a tree on instinct. "Ooopss......" He said. He ran over to see if he had killed her or not.
"VEGETA, YOU @$$HOLE!!!" Bulma yelled, smacking him as he tried to help her up. "I will not have sex with this Geeta for a year now!" Bulma said.A look of hurt crossed Veggie's face. "A YEAR??!! He said. Now, she'd done this to him for about 3 days at a time, sometimes weeks, but NEVER years!! "You're joking!!!" He said. Bulma shook her head and Vegeta ran over and huddled on the ground in the fetal position. "NOOO!! This can't be true!!" He screamed. He pounded his fists on the ground and Bulma watched him act like a child. "No Bulma sex for a year." She repeated. Vegeta popped up. "Hey, that's right!! You said BULMA sex!! That means that I can go have CHI- CHI sex!! Or VIDEL sex!!" Vegeta said. Bulma gasped. "Videl is about 20 years younger than you are!!" She said. Vegeta hung his head. "It's a shame, isn't it?" He asked. He crossed his arms and legs. He walked over to the river and put his head in it. A fishy swam about a half a centimeter from his nose. He blinked his eyes and watched the fishys. Bulma got an idea to push him in but she decided not to. Vegeta brought his head up from the water and shook all the water off his face. He had a caught fish in his clenched fist and he could feel it wiggle around inside. He hoped it didn't escape or die before he could show it to Bulma. "Bulma! Bulma! Look!!" He said. He opened up his fist and the fish leaped out. It landed on the ground and began to jump up and down. "Come back here!!" He said.
Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or any other trademarked materials in this fanfiction.
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Vegeta was making obscene honking noises as he tried to act like he was choking on snot. "Veggie, stop that!!" Bulma said. She was trying to read and she coulden't because he just woulden't quit with the nasty noises. "Oh no!! I think I'm going to choke to death!!" Vegeta faked, making his voice sound croaky. This also sounded fake. "You malodramatic." Bulma muttered, under her breath. Vegeta made a hissing noise and Bulma had enough. She threw her book at him. "SHUT UP!!" She screamed. Vegeta looked at her with hurt in his eyes. "But I have....ma...ma...Maha...Maharila....." He said. He coulden't remember what it was called. "It's called MALARIA, stupid. And I don't know....people with Malaria usually dance a lot." Bulma said. She saw Vegeta be still and quiet for a second. "OH NO!! I feel like dancing!!" He said, after about 30 seconds. He got up and jumped and twirled and rolled. Bulma was laughing her head off. Then Vegeta layed back down. "I don't know what on earth possesed me to do that, but I just wanted to DANCE!! Hey, why are you laughing?" Vegeta said. "Because, idiot!! People with Malaria don't dance!! I knew it! You're faking!!" She said. Vegeta pouted. "Uh...Uh...No I'm not!!" He said. He acted like he fainted and accidently bumped his poor head on a rock. It went *clonk*. Bulma laughed and Geeta was sad. "S' not funny." He said. He moped over and sat on the edge of the river. He put his hands in the water and swirled them around, hoping to catch a minnow or something. Bulma realized this as a perfect oppourtunity to push him into the cold water in the stream but she didn't want to give him a cold. The water was probably freezing, and it wasen't too comfortable outside now. It was getting colder and colder by the hour. She knew if Vegeta got wet he might get Pnemonia and plus the water was dirty and he might get E-coli. Vegeta clapped his hands in the water as he tried to catch a fish. Vegeta was poking around in the water when he saw a long thing that looked like a worm swim through the water. But it was too big to be a worm. "Bulma, that's this?" He asked. But Bulma didn't hear him so Vegeta grabbed the creature by the tail and held it up. He studied it. It had a head on the end and menacing eyes and fangs that didn't look too nice. "Snake." He said to himself as he realized what the animal was. He used to eat these when food was scarce, but this one was venomous so that was a big No-No. He threw it back into the water and continued searching for a minnow to see. He liked to look at stupid things like that. Bulma saw him over there, as he picked up the snake and released it. Her first instinct was to run over and make him drop it but she knew he was very smart and knew how to handle dangerous animals like that. She saw him splash some water up out of the river and make it rain on him. He called it 'Playing Rain.' it used to be an old sex-in-the-bath game when they first met but now it was just something to do when you were bored. Bulma looked around the scenery in the forest and took picture after picture of it. Then she heard Vegeta holler. "Geeta?" She asked. She turned around and saw Vegeta crouching over the river and putting his hand in it. She ran over to him. "What happened?" She asked. Vegeta clenched his teeth. "That dumb snake bit me!!" He said, through clenched teeth. Bulma coulden't help but laugh at poor Vegeta, who slapped at her. Vegeta tapped his feet up and down. "OOOHHH It HURRTS!!!" He said. Bulma laughed again so Vegeta just ignored her. He removed his injured hand from the water and saw the puffy bite was all purple around the bite. But he knew the poisen wasen't deadly to him, being a saiyan and all. Back in the days when he used to eat them he was bit by the most venomous snake of all and all it did was make him sick for a couple days, and not very bad sick. "That looks bad." Bulma said. She had finally got herself under control and stopped laughing at Veggie. "Will it kill you?" She asked. Vegeta shook his head. "NO. IT WONT. But it still hurts like hell." He wrapped some material around it and tied it with his teeth. "Don't do that. It's bad." Bulma said. She took it off and Vegeta growled. "You don't control me, woman. You know that, right?" He said. Bulma didn't say anything about the 'woman' comment. "Let me see it." She said. Vegeta jerked his hand away. "I can take care of it myself, thank you." He said. He cringed as it throbbed and Bulma laughed at him again. Veggie groaned. He went over and sat on his blanket. He layed down and wrapped up in the sheets. "Vegeta, what are you doing?" She asked. "Uh....I was.... hoping that if I lay down it might make it stop." He said. He stared blankley ahead and watched the river run. Then he fell asleep.
He woke up at about 5:00 in the afternoon and Bulma was sitting next to him rubbing his thigh. "I take it you wanna snuggle?" He asked, calmly removing her hand from his thigh and placing it soflty on the ground next to Bulma. Bulma frowned at his distant attitude. "Let me see that snake bite." She said. Vegeta rolled his eyes and showed it to her. It looked much better. "Good. Now that teaches you not to mess with snakes." Bulma said. Vegeta frowned horribly. "My muscles hurt really bad." He complained. Bulma mocked him with her mouth. "Don't whine." She said. Vegeta let out a huge scream. Bulma clapped a hand over his mouth. "What do you want me to do about your muscles hurting? They're inside of you!!" She said. Vegeta made his bottom lip stick out and it looked VERY cute. "Are we going to go home tomorrow?" Bulma asked. Vegeta was silent for a minute. "We might and we might not. I kinda like being out here in the woods; it's peaceful." He said. But he was liying. The truth was he just didn't want to be on the dumb old plane again ever. He hated it. If he could he'd stay in South America forever to avoid the plane ride but he really missed Bra and Trunks and needed to see them. He let out a deep sigh. He sat up and stretched out his sore muscles. The action of stretching out the muscles made him cringe. He was never even this sore when he fought battles!! "Your muscles are more than likely sore because of the way you sleep or the snake bite." Bulma said. Vegeta slouched. "What's the time?" He asked. Bulma looked at her watch. "Uh...It's about 5:10 PM. Why?" She asked. Vegeta bucked himself back to laying down. "Because I thought maybe that we could go to bed really soon. But it's too early." He said. He grabbed some water out of the suitcase and began to gulp it down. Water ran all down his face and onto his brandnew clothes, and got his biking gloves all soggy. "Sicko." Bulma said. Vegeta stared at her funny and crawled over to his place by the river bed. He hugged his knees and watched the fishies play. Bulma stared at the back of him as he watched the water and saw that he was wavering from tiredness. Maybe it would be a good idea to make him go to sleep now? But then he'd be stubborn and say 'HE WASEN'T TIRED' . Bulma just took somemore pictures of the surrounding scenery. It was really pretty but getting a little bit cold. She took a picture of the back of depressed Vegeta. I could add a caption to that one. She thought to herself. Vegeta turned around at the click of the camera and frowned. Bulma took a picture of that, too. Vegeta yowled and covered his eyes, turning around. Bulma felt sorry for him because he was sad. Maybe she should give him a massage to make his muscles feel better? (This part might get a little steamy. If you don't want to read crap like this, than just start reading again when you see the *****. Thank you for your time.) Bulma grabbed the massage oil she had brought for their usual flings that took place about every other night. Hey, it happens. She rubbed it all over her hands. It made them all slick and discusting feeling and she didn't know HOW she could put the discusting crap on her hands in the first place. She walked over to Veggie. "Take your shirt off." She ordered. Vegeta looked up at her with a frown on his face. "I don't hafta do what you say." He said. Bulma rolled her eyes. "Take it off now if you want your massage." She said, showing him the oil on her hands. "Oooh. Why didn't you say so?" He asked, stripping his shirt off. Bulma began to massage his neck muscles. Vegeta groaned; but it wasen't a pleasurable groan. It was a groan of pain. "What's wrong?" Bulma asked. "You did it too hard!! You blow at this!!" Vegeta said. This hurt Bulma's feelings. "That better?" She asked, going slower. Vegeta nodded. "A lil bit." He said. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the massage. It felt really good to his aching muscles, and also helped him stop missing his children. She worked her way down to the middle of his back. Vegeta had to bend down so she could do it, so low he could smell the earth. He was afraid he'd get dirt in his nose so he breathed from his mouth. "I'm not the amazing bendable posable man, you know." He said. He smiled and gave a little groan as she massaged his back. "Why is it you don't want to go home tomorrow?" Bulma asked. Vegeta's smile dissapeared immedeantly. He didn't want to tell her he was afraid of a big dumb ol plane. "Uh.....because I like it in the woods. It's pretty and peaceful and there's minnows in the river." He said. Bulma could tell this wasen't it. "PEACEFUL? You told me yourself that the misquitos buzzing was enough to drive you mad." She said. "And you said that the woods was all ugly and the minnows were boring!!" Vegeta frowned. This was all true. "Well, I also think that this place is...a place for us to....spend some alone time!!Yeah!! That's it!!" Geeta said. "I think you're just scared of that plane!!" Bulma said, going a little too hard. Vegeta jumped. "NO. I'm not scared of that plane. And watch those fingernails, woman." He said. Bulma got sad that he was ordering her around when all she was doing was trying to make him happy. It made her so mad she wanted to dig her fingernails into him as hard as she could and make him shreak and then laugh as they bled. She thought of this and laughed. "Pick up the pace." Vegeta said. Bulma growled. "You are such an @$$hole sometimes." She said. She began to massage his arms. Vegeta tried not to yell at her agian as she pinched him on accident. Or maybe it was on purpose, he didn't know nor care. He just knew that the massage was helping A LOT. Bulma soon worked her way to his chest, forcing him to lay down. She had to climb on him in a somewhat sexual pose. "This is ironic." Vegeta said, smirking. Bulma grumbled something but Vegeta didn't hear. She liked to grumble a lot. "MMMM..." Vegeta said, as a joke. Bulma kneed him in the leg. He shreaked. "Sorry!!" Bulma said in a smart@$$ tone. "Do you like this?" Bulma asked. Vegeta stared up at the clouds and tried to make out what shapes they could be. This used to be his favorite game when he was a boy and when Trunks was young he used to play this game with him all of the time. Sometimes he could come up with some pretty imaginative things. "Hm?" Bulma said. Vegeta snapped out of it. "I'm sorry. I wasen't listening." He said. He closed his eyes and smiled again. He groaned, and this time it was of pleasure instead of pain. He decided that he liked her being on top of him in this pose, even if they weren't making love. He could still pretend in his mind. He was really relaxed and about to fall asleep when he felt her stop. "Keep going.." He said, getting irratated. "If you want me to be happy, then I'd say keep going!!!" She stared ahead of herself. "I just thought about something!! You're probably having fantasies RIGHT NOW, right?" She asked. Vegeta whistled. Bulma smiled. In a way she liked it a lot. This meant that he thought she was a peice of @$$....wait? Was that a complement or not? "That's good." She said. She continued going. She worked her way down to his abs. "WERE you having fantasies about me again?" She asked. But his eyes were closed again, so he obviously was. "We could make those fantasies REAL!!!" Bulma said. Vegeta's eyes popped open. "Wow. We could?" He asked. Bulma nodded. Vegeta thought. "Finish my massage first, alright?" He asked. So she did finish his massage, and then she granted his fantasies. (*****)
Vegeta woke up next to Bulma by the river and realized that he was naked under a blanket, so he put his clothes on. He saw Bulma was in her little skimpy longerie she liked to wear when they snuggled because it was easy to take off; just with one upward ripping motion. When he noticed it was nighttime he decided just to let her be because she wanted to sleep tonight, so Vegeta just rolled over and closed his eyes. But he found it very hard to go to sleep, and it was only about 12:00 midnight. Now he was stuck awake for the rest of the night. He decided to make a roasted marshmallow-his favorite food. He grabbed a bunch of sticks and lit a match. He started a fire on the sticks. Then he started digging in the suircase for a marshmallow, or at least a bag of them. His hands reached something sticky. "Bingo!" He said to himself. He ripped his hand out of the suitcase along with the bag of sticky stuff. Yes, it was marshmallows....but they were all melted together. He ripped a peice out and put it on a stick. Then he put it over the fire. He heard Bulma stir for some reason unnatural. Probably because of the light of the fire which was lulling Vegeta asleep but he knew he coulden't or else he might burn the whole woods down. He had had quite the experiance with fires and he didn't wanna do it again. When his marshmallow was done, he began to eat it. But he noticed scary things in the almost pitch black dark that scared him pretty bad, such as the sound the wind made when it blew and different animals and things. Vegeta thought he heard his name spoken but he was just imagining things. He sat in a huddle by the fire and hoped he'd be alright. Several times he imagined something trying to grab him. He hugged his knees a little bit harder and closed his eyes, trying to go to sleep. Then he felt something brush against his back along his spine, making him shudder. He jumped into a tree. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!!" He screamed. But what he saw down there wasen't scary at all. It was Bulma; who was awake. "What's wrong with you tonight? It was just me!!" She said. Vegeta floated back down. "D-Dont DO that!! It practacally scared the life out of me!!" He said. Bulma laughed. "I wasen't trying to scare you. I thought a MIGHTY SAIYAN as you call yourself coulden't be scared." She said. Vegeta was silent for a couple of minutes. He had nothing to say. "I was making some marshmallows. Roasted ones." He said. "I can see that. You have it all around your mouth." Bulma said. Vegeta wiped it off with the back of his hand and licked it off. He put another hunk of marshmallows on the stick. He threw Bulma a stick. "This will rot your teeth out." She commented. Vegeta mocked her words with mouth movements and put his marshmallows over the fire. The fire crackled and he jumped back a little. "Do you think we're going home tomorrow?" Bulma asked, scooting next to him and putting her marshmallow over the fire. Vegeta growled. "How many times have you asked me that? I said I DON'T KNOW!!!" He roared. Bulma cringed back. "Sorry." Vegeta said, plainly. She ran over to the other side of the fire to avoid being screamed at again. The shadows on her face made her look scary, thought Vegeta. "You look like a ghoul." He said. Bulma made the saddest face ever imaginable. "Really? You think I look like a ghoul?" She asked. Vegeta giggled and shook his head. "NOO. I mean in the shadows of the fire you look scary." He said. Bulma kinda smiled at this. "So do you." She said. Vegeta took a bite out of the marshmallow and lay down on his pallet. "I'm going to sleep. You can stay up all by yourself since you decided to wake up and scare me." He said. He threw the stick behind him and went to sleep, leaving Bulma to sit by the fire all alone.
In the morning Vegeta woke up to find Bulma with her big blue eyes staring RIGHT in his face. "AAAAAAAAAHHH!!" He screamed. He rolled over and over and over until he was on the edge of the river about to fall in. Bulma laughed at him as he struggled to stay on dry land. He accidently toppled into the river. He was under for a second and then popped up. "You....you....B*tch, you!!" He said. He shook the water out of his ears and hair. Bulma laughed at him even harder. "Did you take a nice swim?" She asked. Vegeta growled and tried to get up out of the river. Bulma stomped on his fingers when he tried to get out. "OUCH!!!" He yelled. He withdrew his hands as quickly as he could and went down to find another way to get up. But she always followed. "See, this is what puzzles me. You are able to take HOLES BLOWN THROUGH YOU, Broken extremities, being thrown into walls and all this other crap and you cant take someone STOMPING ON YOUR HANDS?" She said. "I never said I liked all that stuff." Vegeta said. "You woulden't last a day against what I hafta go through all the time." Bulma stomped on his hands again as he tried to get up. Vegeta threw a big old fit and swam to the other side of the river and pulled himself up there. Then he flew back over to their campsite. "B*tch." He said as he dried himself off. He went and put on his dry clothes. "I want to go to town today Veggie. We should see what is in South America before we hafta leave." Bulma said. Vegeta dried his hair off with a towel, making it all fuzzy and raggled when he dropped the towel to the ground. "Why? I thought all you wanted to do was go home?" He asked. He handed her a comb to comb out his hair with. He sat down and she began doing it, almost ripping out clumps of it by each stroke. "Well, that was when we were in France and everything was going wrong." Bulma said. Vegeta clenched his teeth to bare the pain of her trying to comb a knot out of his hair. "Ow! Please be careful!!!" He said. Bulma went a little softer. "see all the difference the word please can make?" She asked. Vegeta sat there bored until she was finished. "There." She said. "You are done." Vegeta felt of his hair. "It feels fine." He said. He walked over to the river to watch the minnows play. But the minnows were still scared away by his little tumble. He swirled his hands around in the water. "Vegeta, come on. Let's go and do something, O.K?" Bulma asked. Vegeta swirled his hands around just a little bit more and looked at her. "Alright, fine." He said. He let her on his back and he flew out of the forest and into town, where children suffering from atrophy roamed around. "It's worse than Japan." Bulma commented. Vegeta averted his pupils at her for a second. "What should we do?" He asked. The town was nearly deserted. "Let's go see some natives!!" Bulma said. Vegeta groaned. "Bulma, that woulden't be very smart. You see, some natives are bent on sacrifices and things like that. Think of this 'Sacrifice the lady and the man!!' and then we'd be dead." He said. Bulma laughed. She jumped off Veggie's back. "Yeah right. If there is no way you can be contained in jail, there is NO WAY you can be sacrificed by Natives. You could ki blast thier heads off or do that little telekinesis thingy you do." Bulma said. Vegeta was silent for a second. "Not if my hands were tied up." He said. Bulma realized this was true. "Well...uh.....your still 5 times stronger than any starving native." She said. "Not if they were to gut me like a fish." He replied. Now it was Bulma's turn to be silent. She thought about a Native gutting Vegeta like a fish and it woulden't be pretty. She had gutted fish in her life, it was where you stuck a knife in their throat and then drug the knife down to their abdomen, slicing open their chest and stomach in the process. What was already horribly gross for fish would be just awful to watch and just as painful for a human. "Do you beleive in sacraficing natives, really truly?" Bulma asked. Vegeta nodded. "Yep. I saw it on the 'Discovery Channel.' " He said. He kicked a rock into a window and the window shattered into peices. Bulma giggled at this. Vegeta walked into a food store and Bulma followed. Inside the clerk was no where to be seen but there was all this weird stuff. "EEWW!!" Vegeta yelled, and huddled himself up behind Bulma, wrapping his arms around her so hard she thought she'd throw up. "What is it NOW?" She asked. Vegeta pointed a shaking finger at bowl on a shelf. "THOSE are samples. Go look in the bowl." He said. Bulma walked over to the bowl and peered in, and saw a bunch of cooked cactus worms inside there. Her mouth watered like she was about to vomit. "Discusting!!" She said. Vegeta nodded, in agreement. "Those are WORMS. They think people want to eat WORMS." Vegeta said. "Some people do, in this country." Was Bulma's answer. Then to his surprise, she picked one up, popped it into her mouth, and chewed it up. She swallowed it. "MM.. Not bad. Tastes kinda like...well, I really can't describe it." Vegeta's stomach rolled. "Your discusting." He said. Bulma picked one up. "Open your mouth." She said. Vegeta clamped his mouth shut and turned his head. "NO." He said. Bulma tried to put it in his mouth again but he turned his head the other way. She finally grabbed his face and forced him to open his mouth. She shoved it in. "Now chew!!" She ordered. Vegeta gagged. "No!!" He said as he ran over to the trashcan and tried to spit it out. Bulma woulden't let him, so Vegeta just chewed it up and swallowed. He spit it up about 2 minutes later, leaving Bulma laughing hysterically. He grabbed her arm. "Come on. Let's leave." He said. Bulma held up a finger. "Wait." She said. She walked over to the candy aisle and began to look at South American candy. There was some lollypops with bugs in them. "Hey Veggie! Come over here and look!!" She said. Vegeta crossed his arms and looked at the floor. "I think I'll just stay over here, thank you." He said. Bulma walked over and dragged him to the candy aisle. She showed him the lollypop. "Oh, SICK!!!!!" Vegeta yelled. He turned his head and clamped his eyes shut as tight as he could. He didn't want to see sh*t like that!! She showed him other discusting things, and Vegeta was sure he would be sick. "O.K, we can leave now." Bulma said. Vegeta sighed and they walked out of the store. They walked down the street as they looked for some other place that might be interesting.
They were in the middle of nowhere now. "I think we've wondered far enough from town." Vegeta said. He looked around. There were strange looking bugs everywhere and it was making him sqwirmy. He hated bugs and gory things. "Look at this!!" Bulma said as she picked something up. Vegeta was surprised she'd even touch anything out here. "What? Is it a bug?" Vegeta asked. Bulma smiled and inched tworeds him. Then she let whatever it was out and it flew in Vegeta's face, startling him. It flew up and away and Vegeta saw that it was the biggest butterfly he had ever seen in his whole life. "Nasty!! Don't do that again!!" He said. Before she could process that she threw something at him. It landed on his neck. "AAHH!! What is it?!!" Vegeta hollered. Bulma giggled. "It's a salamander." She said. Vegeta watched it crawl on his chest. "Cool." He said. He picked it up and it was so slippery that it almost slipped through his fingers. It crawled up his arm. "It's slimy and wet." Vegeta said. Bulma nodded. It crawled up the side of his face and into his hair. Bulma took it off. "It shoulden't get on your face. It could be carriying a desiese." She said. She put it under a rock. "Didn't you just crush it?" Vegeta asked. Bulma shook her head. "No. Salamanders can flatten themselves out." She said. She picked up a flower and smelled it. Then she stuck it under Vegeta's nose. "Smell. It smells good." She said. Vegeta smelled it and sneezed about 5 times. "It smells good but I think I'm allergic. "He said, as his sinuses began to clog up. He looked around in the grass for anymore cool things. Most of this stuff he had never even seen before!! He withdrew his hand as a weird looking bug almost got him, and he almost jumped into Bulma's arms when a snake crawled between his feet. "I don't like it out here!!" He complained, as he brushed a butterfly off his arm. Bulma released a mudpuppy back into a little pond. "O.K. We can go back to camp." She said. She climbed onto Vegeta's back, and he lifted off. She was thinking of payback for the Malaria joke. Maybe she could stick something down his shirt or something? Or maybe put something in his drink? She just thought about this as Vegeta flew them both back to the campsite.
Vegeta clapsed to the ground on his back when they got to camp. "Thank goodness. Most of that stuff I had never even heard of before." He said. He let out a huge breath of air and watched the leaves on the trees move as the wind blew them. Bulma was leaning over the river and trying to wash out the beer from some of Vegeta's original clothes. She was also washing his socks because he had had the same ones on for at least a week now. They had been so sweaty that they were sop and wet. Vegeta looked up and whistled. Bulma saw a Water Moccasin (The kind of snake that bit Veggie earlier in the story.) swim past so she had to stop washing his clothing. "Vegeta, I'm done." She said, hanging them up on a temporary clothesline she had made for such as this. Vegeta kept whistling and looking up at the trees move. Bulma went and layed down with her head on him. "What do you want, woman?" Vegeta asked, but not in a mean tone. Kind of in a gentle one, but it wasen't for all good intentions. "I want to lay here. Is that so wrong?" She asked. Vegeta turned his head. Bulma thought he was probably trying to go to sleep because smelling that flower had given him a headache bigtime. "Vegeta, I want you to stay awake. I'm bored when you go to sleep!!" Bulma said. Vegeta turned his head around and tried to decided whether he was horny or not. He knew that directly when he looked at her he saw she was beautiful but he didn't know if he wanted to lay her right here and right now. "Well, you can just be bored." Vegeta said. But he didn't close his eyes, he stared at her. It gave Bulma the chills. "Don't." She said. Vegeta averted his pupils to look at the ground in which he was laying on. Bulma put a little bit more of her body on top of him. (This part might get a little bit mushy, and sexual so if you don't like to read this crap, wait for the *****.) She caressed his chest with her fingers and Vegeta decided he WAS horny. He closed his eyes against her touch. "Do you wanna have SEX?" Bulma asked, being very blunt about the situation. Vegeta thought. "Hm.... I don't know. I'm not really energetic right now." He said with his eyes still closed. He was trying to say 'I'd rather sleep.' But she obviously didn't get the drift. "You never want to snuggle anymore ever since we left for this dumb trip!! You've only wanted to snuggle when Viagra was involved!!" Bulma said. Vegeta grunted and closed his eyes tighter. "Maybe I decided your getting boring?" He said. Bulma's eyes got as wide as dinner plates. "NO!!!" She said. "You do not think i'm getting boring!! Do you?!!" Vegeta laughed and opened his eyes just a LIIIITTLE bit. "No. I do not. But I think it's irratating when you keep talking to me." He said. He then closed his eyes again. Bulma figured she was putting him to sleep by this, so she quit. Vegeta's eyes opened. "Why'd you stop?" He asked. Instead of caressing now, she was digging her fingernails into his skin. "I'm so tired of you treating me like trash!!" She said. Vegeta wailed. "Don't do that!! You'll give me an infection!!" He said. She stopped digging her fingernails in and washed the blood off his chest with her hand. "Well, you DO treat me like trash." She said. She continued caressing and he closed his eyes again. "I'm sorry if I do. I just WANT TO GO HOME." He said. Bulma was surprised. "I thought you said you didn't want to go home? You said you liked it here." She said. Vegeta's eyes didn't open and he did not speak. "Answer me." Bulma said. Vegeta sighed. He still didn't speak. Bulma realized that he looked very cute when he was trying to sleep. He was humming. "What are you humming???" She asked. He didn't answer and Bulma realized it as a very depressing song. A song about DEATH. She realized right now that he felt like killing somebody. ANYBODY. Bulma realized with horror that this person could be HER. She tried to jerk up but his strong arm was holding her, making it impossible. "Oh NO!! He's gonna kill me!!" She said. Vegeta's eyes popped open. "WHAT?" He said. "You're gonna kill me. You were humming a song about death. You used to hum that song all the time when you were mad." She said. Vegeta shook his head. "NOOO, that's a different one. This song has to do with being REALLY REALLY horny." He said. He sighed and smiled. Bulma realized she really wasen't getting boring to him. "So I'm not getting boring?" She asked. Vegeta shook his head. "NO." He said. This was a major turn on to Bulma. She ripped his shirt off. "What the hell?!! I didn't say I wanted to have sex." He said. "Well I decided you did." Bulma said. Vegeta growled and grumbled something horrible. "Sleep DOES follow sex now doesen't it?" He asked himself. So he decided to have sex. (*****)
Vegeta woke up but his eyes remained closed. He didn't feel Bulma's arms around him anymore so he figured she had gotten up. He opened his eyes and....THERE WAS A HUGE FROG RIGHT ON HIS CHEST!! Vegeta hollered. "Get it off!! Get it off!!" He shouted. Bulma ran over, laughing. She grabbed the frog off his chest and put it in the grass. "That was the perfect joke!!" She exclaimed. She laughed and stood back. Vegeta sat up. "I can't beleive you, Bulma." He said. He had a horrible look on his face. Bulma found this to be a very cute look. Vegeta stood up and looked right into her eyes. "If you ever do that again I just might leave you." He said, crossing his arms tightly. Bulma was startled when he said this. "LEAVE ME? And exactly where would you go?" She asked. Vegeta pouched out his bottom lip. "Uh....I'd get Bunny to help me buy a house." He said. Bulma laughed. "Remember? Bunny's deceased." She said. Vegeta looked at the ground all sad like. He liked Bunny a lot. (Bunny is Mrs. Breifs.) "Oh yeah. I forgot." He said. He was always mad of course, but he was madder than he'd ever been right now. NOBODY put frogs on him and got away with it! Frogs are discusting!! He kicked dirt on Bulma's new shoes and on her jeans. "You look cute when your mad." Bulma said. Vegeta scoffed. "Don't ever say that to me again." He said. "You look cute when you're angry." Bulma repeated. Vegeta growled. He was acting very much like his old self at this moment where he didn't care about anybody or anything except himself. "What did I tell you? Don't make me blast your ugly head off, woman!!" Vegeta hollered, as loud as he could. He stomped a foot into the ground and made it crack. It kind of made Bulma sad that he called her 'ugly'. He haden't said that to her since they first met, and that was like, what, 27 years ago?? She was about to say something but decided not to. "Sorry." She said. Vegeta smirked and walked aimlessley over to sit by a tree. "What happened to you? Did you get a sharp stick up your @$$?' Bulma asked. Vegeta shook his head. "No. I want to go home." He said. "But you won't LET us go home!! First you say you'd rather stay and then you say you want to go!! Which is it?" Bulma asked, annoyed. Vegeta sighed. "I want to go but I'm afraid of the plane!!!" He shouted. It took Bulma a minute to process that. Then she laughed. "You're still scared of that whimpy old plane?" She asked. Vegeta blushed and looked at the ground. He played with an acorn like it was Tony Hawk. "I don't like it." He said. He let out a breath of air. Bulma laughed and pointed. "Hahahahahahahaha!! And you always talk about your 'Pride' and sh*t, and you won't even get on a stupid plane!!" She said. Vegeta growled. "You better shut up." He said. She kept talking, so Vegeta ki blasted her into a tree on instinct. "Ooopss......" He said. He ran over to see if he had killed her or not.
"VEGETA, YOU @$$HOLE!!!" Bulma yelled, smacking him as he tried to help her up. "I will not have sex with this Geeta for a year now!" Bulma said.A look of hurt crossed Veggie's face. "A YEAR??!! He said. Now, she'd done this to him for about 3 days at a time, sometimes weeks, but NEVER years!! "You're joking!!!" He said. Bulma shook her head and Vegeta ran over and huddled on the ground in the fetal position. "NOOO!! This can't be true!!" He screamed. He pounded his fists on the ground and Bulma watched him act like a child. "No Bulma sex for a year." She repeated. Vegeta popped up. "Hey, that's right!! You said BULMA sex!! That means that I can go have CHI- CHI sex!! Or VIDEL sex!!" Vegeta said. Bulma gasped. "Videl is about 20 years younger than you are!!" She said. Vegeta hung his head. "It's a shame, isn't it?" He asked. He crossed his arms and legs. He walked over to the river and put his head in it. A fishy swam about a half a centimeter from his nose. He blinked his eyes and watched the fishys. Bulma got an idea to push him in but she decided not to. Vegeta brought his head up from the water and shook all the water off his face. He had a caught fish in his clenched fist and he could feel it wiggle around inside. He hoped it didn't escape or die before he could show it to Bulma. "Bulma! Bulma! Look!!" He said. He opened up his fist and the fish leaped out. It landed on the ground and began to jump up and down. "Come back here!!" He said.