Disclaimer: Joss is King. Mutant Enemy is King. They own everything, and I'm but a poor serf borrowing scraps from their table.
Author's note: Ok, the teenagers just wouldn't leave me alone. There was something else had to be talked about, that I hadn't dealt with, really. I think we know where this is going. How do Buffy, and Faith, deal with being in love with someone of their own gender.
Some of you are gonna say" Why didn't you say GAY?". This may be the point where I get the tomatoes tossed at me. I'm a firm non- believer in labels. Gay/straight etc. are labels. Way I see things are… you love who you love. Sometimes it's a member of the opposite sex; sometimes it's a member of the same sex. We, as a society, are too hung up on these labels. If Sally loves Samuel, she is straight. If Sally loves Samantha, she is a lesbian. Excuse me for asking, but how is Sally different in either scenario except for whom she loves? Ok, I'm a hopeless romantic, I believe love is love, no matter where you find it. Denying it only makes you unhappy. Worrying about what others think makes you crazy. If we could get past these labels, I think we could concentrate on the really important issues : Disease, war, poverty, and evil. All are rampant in this world. But we waste time, money and other resources on condemning love, for God's sake. Both sides of this issue, GET OVER IT.
Ok, I'm done. Hope you enjoy the continuation of the story. Sigh, I hate my soapbox. Maybe I'll just turn it into stakes.
Warning: Possible offensive language to some people. Try to remember these are teenagers minds, not always PC. Get over it.
Summer of faith
Chapter 21
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Faith:
I miss Angel.
Hey, wipe that stupid look off your face. I gotta reason.
At least when Buffy was seeing Angel, he was her 'guilty secret'. Wanna guess who has that title now?
I thought, that night when Angel told her, finally told her that he was leaving after the Ascension, that all was gonna be smooth from then on. Oh, did I get it so wrong. Ya know, I'm gonna get " Dumb Faith" tattooed to my forehead. I keep getting it wrong.
Now, I'm not saying that Buffy is like treating me wrong. In private. Away from anyone she knows(or doesn't know). She is so sweet, so affectionate, my poor heart just gets all silly. And in front of Joyce, It's cool. Because she knows Joyce knows, and is happy for us. But, boy, outside, in the real world? Ya know, that one beyond the front door? Uh –uh no way no how. I'm Faith, the other slayer. Her fighting partner. Nothing more. Want an example? Gee…let me just choose .
Ok, first day. After our talk in her bedroom. After spending the night together. Ok, no hot and sweaty, but we did sleep together all cuddled and loving like. I thought it was loving like. Anyway, I'm taking her to school on my bike, on my way to work. She was even kinda hesitant about that. But she went. Does she ride close? No… she's sitting back, hands on my shoulders. Alright, I say to myself, it's cool. She's just a little nervous. Shoulda known what would happen next, right? Nawww, Faith is a bonehead. I turn, wanting a smoochie. Hey, I'm entitled, don't ya think? I'm not gonna see her for like what? At least 6 hours. So, I turn, looking at her. Hopping off the bike. Calling " Thanks for the ride, Faith" and hurrying off to her friends. Ker-plunk. Didya hear my heart hitting the floor? Sigh.
And remember that necklace I bought her? The one with the hearts? The one I had engraved " My heart is yours forever, Faith"
Thinks she wears it? Nope. I thought at first she had lost it that night I tossed it to her in the cemetery. Nope. I found it. It's in her jewelry box. Ok, I snooped. I'm bad. Got it. But it hurts, ya know? I mean what I said on that. But, she's afraid someone will see it, ask about it. Maybe read the inscription. And she still wears that silver cross Angel gave her. But, hey. Angel's a guy, right? She doesn't have to wear it all the time. Just once would be fine. Say without words, Hey, I love it. I love you, too. Yeah, gonna see that happen, aren't I?
Ok, ok. I'm not totally a selfish bitch here. I understand that this is hard for her. Got it. Small town, thought to be gay in high school. Tough to take. Especially since she already has the slayer thing to deal with. Yeah, I know. Being a slayer is supposed to be secret, right? C'mon, who we kidding here? How many pretty, cheerleader type girls hang around in cemeteries at night? How many you know run into the face of danger, when everyone else is running away from it? You can count 'em on one finger. I mean she even told me, back in L.A., how her first day at Sunnydale High, when she so hoped to be just ' Normal Girl', it seemed like half the school knew about her. And being a dreaded… 'lesbian' on top of that? I really hate labels. Dammit, all they do is make you a cardboard cutout. " You're a cheerleader…you're a jock….you're a nerd." But who is the person in there? Ya know? So, it would be so easier for her if my name were Frank, or Fred. But it's Faith, and she just can't deal with it.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Buffy:
I'm the bad one here, right?
I'm the ice queen. The uncaring heartless bitch. Right?
Buffy, the Wicked Bitch of Sunnydale.
Doesn't she understand this is hard for me? That I'm hurting here too? But she doesn't get it. She just doesn't.
I have enough to deal with being a slayer. I'm already somewhere between dweeb, nerd and the A/V guys(sorry, Will, I know they're friends of yours). I know. I should "be above that". Shouldn't let it affect me. But it DOES, OK? I'M SHALLOW, OK? I want the NORMAL stuff too. Does that make me bad? I'm bad because I want to be popular, too. Ok, I'm not gonna do a Cordelia thing. I'm so beyond that. I know, I was there at one time. But, is it bad not to want to be whispered about? Bad enough I get the stares. I approach someone, and they like back off, afraid I'm gonna hit them or something(ok, I had to hit a few students, but THEY were bad. Geeze, gimme a break here).She doesn't understand, though. She quit high school. For her it's all a joke.
I know she sneers at labels. Hey, I don't like em either. I don't judge people that way(ok, I try not to, anyway). But they are a fact. A reality of living through the hell known as high school. I already have so many labels, I look like a steamer trunk. What, she wants me to go running through school yelling " Hey, on top of being a geek, a bad girl, a troublemaker, and just plain weird, I'm a dyke, too." Wouldn't Queen C have a field day with that one? And once you get the label, it's stuck like super glue. It aint going nowhere, ever. Why do I have to always be the brave one, the smart one, the I don't give a damn one?
What's so wrong with wanting to be 'normal girl'? Where maybe my biggest worry is if my clothes are so last week, am I gonna flunk Bio, What am I gonna wear to the prom. Am I going to the prom? Will I graduate? That kinda stuff. Maybe once, I would like not to have to worry about saving the world tonight. Fighting demons and vampires and who knows what? Maybe not have to worry if I make a mistake, my friends will die, my mom will die… I will die.
She thinks I don't see the hurt. She thinks it doesn't rip my heart out when I see her looks.
Yeah, I'm the bad one here
I'm the ice queen. I'm the heartless bitch.
The Wicked Bitch of Sunnydale.
Damn.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Buffy and Faith are sitting in the backyard, talking. Trying to work this out. I think.
" Ok, B. I get it. I understand it's tough for you. I understand it's not easy for you. But, couldn't we at least let the scoobies in on it?" Faith is almost pleading with Buffy.
"It's too soon" Buffy replied, being a bit defensive
" Too soon?" Faith is just not believing her ears
" I just broke up with Angel. Here I trot out a girlfriend. What're they gonna think?" Buffy asks
" Think? Maybe you're in love? That's bad?"
" Maybe I'm the biggest slut of all time?"
"WHAT? How? How are they gonna think that, B?"
" I just supposedly broke up with Angel. Now I show up with a girlfriend. What does that say? I've been cheating on him already. I'm total slut girl"
Faith is so trying to follow this. But it just isn't ringing true. She stands up, and walks away from Buffy, and has her back to her.
"So, of course, this has nothing to do with me being a girl, too" Faith says quietly
"Huh? No, of course not" Buffy blushes.
Still not looking at her, Faith asks quietly, " So, will you answer me a question then? Just so I can get it all clear in my head."
Buffy looks at Faith's back. She is not so sure she wants to answer this question, but she knows she's already sounding lame.
"Yeah, ok, Faith. Go ahead, ask" Buffy says
"'k. When you and Angel would have a tiff, or say you felt Angel wasn't paying attention to you, or something like that. Did you ever go out on a date with some other guy?"
"Er…ummm…yeah" Buffy replied, not quite getting it yet
" Ok. So, on any of these dates, say it was a good date. Did you ever like… maybe kiss the guy goodnight or anything"
"Yeah…I guess" Buffy blushes, maybe the light bulb is beginning to brighten in her head.
" Why, you slut. How could you cheat on him like that?" The arrow flies home true to it's mark.
"Faith! That's so not fair. And so totally different!" Buffy is getting angry, now
"I see. How is that different?" Faith asks, again keeping her cool
" Cause…Cause…you're my lover" Buffy sputters
Faith laughs. It's not a happy laugh
"I'm your lover? Really B? How many times have we been together since I found out about those letters from Angel? Like, maybe , 3 times? And when was the last time we were intimate? Over 7 months ago, I think? Kissing, what? I hardly got a kiss out of you till recently. Even a casual touch gives you the wiggins, at times. Doesn't sound much like lovers to me, girlfriend. Oh, and …when was the last time I didn't have to initiate it, anyway? Geeze" Faith is barely keeping her voice in check, she is boiling mad.
Buffy is silent.
" I don't know how many times I'm gonna have to get hit with the stupid stick before I get it"
"Get it? Get what?" Buffy's voice is low, and angry
" That your ashamed of me. That I embarrass you. I'm like some stupid puppy. No matter how many times you kick it, no matter how you beat it, it keeps coming back for more. You're ashamed of me. You can't handle the idea of being seen with some scrungy street kid with no manners, doesn't talk so good, some little slut. Cause that is how I'm feeling. Like some slut, ya know? And the thing that really pisses you, is that you might be in love with a GIRL. That really doesn't fit in the nice little ribbon and bow tied world of Buffy Summers. Does it?"
"Faith. How can you say I'm ashamed of you? That's not true at all"
"No? Really? Gee, Buff, coulda fooled me."
" I love you, Faith"
" You gotta real funny way of showing it. Or, not showing it"
" You just don't understand. They won't accept…" Buffy is cut off by Faith
" What? They accept you love a 200 year old vampire, but they won't accept you love me? Geeze, B. You don't think much of your friends or me. What? Red is gonna say " Oooo , Buffy. You like Faith. Oh, my I can't like you anymore" . What, she is gonna go running through the school yelling " Buffy's a slut, and a lesbo"? Xander? That poor guy. He is still in love with you. Don't you see that? Guess not. He would be mad at me, but he wouldn't ever be mad at you. Yeah, I can see him saying "Buffster, you love Faith. Well, I hate you now!" Sure. He and I oughta form a support group. Clueless people who love Buffy. And Oz. Yeah, he's gonna wig. Like anything would faze him. Hell, he probably already has it figured out , anyway.
" What?" Buffy is astonished
" Oz is pretty sharp. He can see. I know he sees how I look at you. But maybe I'm fooling myself. Maybe it isn't two way here, but one way. He probably puts me in Xander's class. Hell, Buffy , they probably all have some suspicion of something. They must see how I feel about you. I don't try to make it a secret, like you do.
" So, B. What? What do you want? Want me to go? Make life easier for you? I mean, quit pulling me in, then shoving me away. Tell me, ok? I'll go if that's what you want. But I can't go on like this anymore."
Buffy is silent. She is looking at the ground, pushing dirt with her toe. She has her thinking face on. You know the one. Little scrunchy between the eyebrows. Mouth a straight line. Eyebrows all serious.
' God, she is so cute when she does that' Faith thinks. 'Grrr. I'm angry with her. Why does she have to be so damned cute all the damned time. Hard to stay mad.'
Buffy comes to a decision. She stands up, and takes Faith's hand. She pulls her into the house, all the time Faith going "Huh, what? Where we going? You gonna throw me out? What's going on, Buffy" But Buffy doesn't say a word.
Buffy sits Faith down in the living room, and picks up the phone. She dials a number, and waits for an answer.
" Hey, Will. How are you?…cool. Ummm… you know where Xander is? Cool. Get him, and Oz, and come on over. We need to talk. No, no demon stuff… personal stuff. Ya. It's important. Ya…ok, then, see you in a couple? Great!" Buffy ends the conversation.
Faith sits there, a little stunned. But she can't help having a big grin on her face.
Buffy looks at her, and gets a little scowl. " Hey. Quit looking like the cat that ate the canary. You're a dope"
Faith " Huh?" Confused
"It's not one way, Faith. It's two ways. Yes, I love you. Yes, I'm scared. But if this is what it's gonna take to prove it to you, fine" Buffy huffs out
" Look, B. If it's really this bad for you, call her back. Make an excuse. Or, we can make something up. I.. I don't want you upset. I … I appreciate that you'll do this, and if it's important to you, that important, we can wait 'til your readier."
" No, Faith, you're right. No more hiding. At least, not with my friends. I love you Faith, and if they can't accept that, then I guess they're not my friends, huh?"
Faith just smiles. She's not worried. Not in the least.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
The Scoobies file in about half an hour later. Each has a worried look on their face. They're not sure what Buffy is gonna spring on them now, but it had to be important to call this impromptu meeting.
Buffy waves them to a seat. She is pacing back and forth, trying to figure out what to say. Faith is sitting in the chair, watching her. Feeling her nervousness. Wishing she could help, but knowing this is something Buffy has to do alone.
The three sit on the couch. Willow in the middle, the guys acting as bookends. Willow starts the conversation.
" Ok, Buffy. We're here. So, what's the News flash, huh?" Willow asks, watching Buffy pace. She's a bit worried for her friend.
" Ok, guys, I gotta tell you something. Don't get all wiggins on me, ok?" Buffy starts off.
" Hey, Buffster. We're your buds. You can tell us anything" Xander encourages her. " Well, ok, if you're gonna tell us your really a guy and I've had these feelings for you all this time, maybe that'll be a bit hard to take."
Buffy and Willow, together "Xander!!!"
Willow punches Xander's arm " Don't help, ok?" She looks disgusted. " Go on, Buffy. We're here for you… most of us are, anyway" giving Xander a look.
Oz is just watching. He looks over at Faith, and sees the small smile on her face. He turns a little so Buffy can't see, and throws her a wink.
" Look, guys, this is tough for me, so just let me get through it, then you can say what you want to say, 'k?" They nod.
Buffy takes in a deep breath, then goes on" Ok, so, like you guys know I met Faith in L.A. So, I guess I should have told you that …ummm…well…we became really close friends….really close. And. Well. Ok, we kinda fell in love, ok? And we lived together for awhile, and then had this big old fight over Angel, and then Faith brought me home and disappeared. Well, she came back, and well…I broke up with Angel…and … oh , hell. We're in love. Get it? Deal with it" She gets it all out in one breath.
The scoobies are quiet for a second. Then, Willow looks at Oz. Oz looks at Willow. Willow looks at Xander. Xander looks at Willow. They all turn back, and laugh a little
" That's it? That's your important news, Buffy?" Willow asks.
"News Flash, Buffster: Not a news flash" Xander adds
You probably coulda knocked Buffy out with a feather at the moment. Even Faith, trying to be supportive, is giggling a little bit.
"Look, Buff" Oz begins. " I know sometimes weren't not the sharpest thorn on the bush, but we didn't need a bus to hit us over this one. First, you come back home, all upset. Then , another slayer shows up, and is living at your house. Then you break up with Angel. Every Scooby meeting we have, there is like this air of sexual tension going on. And we see how Faith looks at you, and when you think no one is looking, how you look at Faith. Even Giles got it, after awhile".
Make note, that is probably the most Oz has said at one time in his entire life.
"Giles? Giles knows?" Buffy is ready to faint. Faith gets up to steady her.
"Gee, Buffy. What? He's British, not stupid" Willow says.
Xander laughs," Yeah, it was pretty funny watching him get all stuffy " Two slayers, in love?" I guess the concept of you two together in a…." his face takes on this dreamy quality.
Buffy and Willow together " XANDER!!!!"
Willow punches Xander " Don't help!!"
Willow goes over to Buffy, and gives her a hug. " I think it's great, Buffy" Then she whispers in Buffy's ear "At least this one won't go all Grrr on you when you…" and she blushes a little
"I don't know, Will. You haven't seen her in bed" Buffy is blushing, and looks at Faith, who is finding her boots fascinating.
Willow whispers " So, ummm…Buffy… what's it like?"
"WILL!!!!" Buffy reddens, then in a tiny wee voice only Will can hear " It's great"
They both giggle.
"Hey, you two, break it up, or should I be jealous?" Faith chuckles
"Jealous? Me…and Buffy? You…Jealous? Oh…no…nothing like that…no …nothing...uh uh…jealous? Gee…no love stuff here…I mean, I love you Buffy, but not that way…oh…I think I'll shut up now" Willow babbles.
Faith decides Buffy is right. Red IS cute when she babbles.
Willow, trying to recover, " So, Buffy, now that you have a date, you going to the prom?"
Faith interjects " Will…this was hard enough for Buffy. I'm not sure she is ready to go public quite yet."
"How come? I think you'd make a cute couple" Willow says.
Buffy, looking at the floor, quietly" No one asked me yet"
HUH??? Faith is kinda rocked by that. She wants to go? With ME?
Willow crosses her arms" Well, Ms? Are you gonna ask her?"
Faith all of a sudden feels shy " Gee, Red, I didn't think she'd wanna go. With me, that is"
Buffy, Shyly " I'm waiting"
Aw, Geeze…
" Buffy Summers? Will you do me the honor of attending your senior prom with me?" Faith says, kinda quiet
" I dunno… it's kinda late, ya know?' Buffy playing coy.
Faith looks helplessly at the other scoobies. Help me out here, guys. Please!
" Aww...c'mon Buffster. Go easy on her. Give her a break. Go" Xander is grinning
" Buffy Summers, if you don't go after she asked you so nicely, I…I…I'll kick your butt" Willow says, getting all tough like. Yeah, like Jell-O tough
" Buff. Give her a break. She looks so lost over there" Oz adds in.
"Well…. I guess so" Buffy starts. Then she walks over and gives Faith a hug. "silly goose, who else am I gonna go with?"
"Goodie, goodie, goodie" Willow exclaims " We can go dress shopping. Ummm… Faith? You getting a formal, too?"
" Please, Red? Me, in a formal? Not happening. I'll get a tux. I'm sure the guys can help me out there"
Buffy says, "Will, we should go now. We got a lot to do. Get dresses, get our hair done, man, I swear. Why do they always wait 'til the last minute to ask. Lets go. We can get there before the stores close, I'm sure…."
Faith, Xander and Oz just look at each other, and roll their eyes. Women!
Willow calls back "C'mon you guys, lets go!"
The three of them sigh, and follow 'the girls' out.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
TBC
Ok, next the prom. Coming soon.