A/N: Hahahaha. First Parody, that I actually write down...mwahaha. Anyway…

I own nothing.

But I DO wish I owned a penguin…

If this is bad, don't sue, 'cause I wrote this really late at night on a coffee high.

Ever had one…?

Ok, the point- A few random LotR/HP people were kid/elf napped, and held at gumdrop-point,(GOD I hate those nasty things…)and threw into a locked room. Mwaha. My best friend makes an entrance also.

GOD I'm weird….

THE STORY! MWAHAHAHA!!! (BTW- BOLD text is describing action)

Evil author appears in the middle of Elrond's council

Author: Mwahaha. I come with word from t-

Elrond: Who?

Author: Can I finish?!

Elrond: Hey, you interrupted MY council!!

Author: But HEY! I'm the one writing this buddy!

Moment or two of silence and horrified looks

Author: You were saying…?

Legolas: Sweet mother of-

Author: AHEM

Legolas: Eyes get wide

Author: Hm…goes over and grabs Legolas by the collar, then Aragorn, and who could forget Pippin?!

             Come on.

Aragorn: Gulp

Author: Mwahahaha…my penguins…?

Penguins: Ya?

Author: Mwah. TO HOGWARTS, MY MINIONS!!!!!

They all disappear

They land in The Great Hall

Snape: AH! NOOOOOO! THE DARK LORD HAS PUUUNNNNIIISSSHHHEEED MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone stares

Snape: AND NOW EVERYONE STARES AT ME?! MASTER, THIS IS CRUUU-EL!!!!!!!

Me: Holy. Shit. GET YOURSELF TOGETHER YOU GREASY HAIRED-

Moony: (A/N: 'Cause we love him) Shhh….It is not HIS fault he has not discovered Herbal Essence, and he only uses Head 'n Shoulders…..

Me: Ponders Hmm…you never cease to amaze me-

Moony: That'll be 10 galleons.

Me:- And pick a hole in my wallet.

Moony: Mwaha.

Padfoot: ('Cause we miss him) Moony, Are you charging for random bits of wisdom that no one really listens to AGAIN?!

Me: ENOUGH! THE ARGUING WILL END…BUT THE AMUSEMENT…

Pippin: She's scarier than Sam when he's hungry…

Penguins : Wanna do it now Boss?

Me: Yeah sure….MWAHAHAHA.

Whirly stuff, twinkly music, me laughin' my head off…

Legolas, Aragorn, Pippin, Snape, Moony and Padfoot land in a small room with no-windows and no doors.

Pippin: Sit down ya'll…after all, no –ones-

Legolas: By the way, I'm claustrophobic.

Everyone groans

Legolas: But this is fine, it's big enough, but I'll probably...Loses consciousness

Aragorn: Hmmm…

Padfoot: Let's play a game!

Snape: WHY MEEEEEEE LORD?!?!

Moony: You know, I don't enjoy this much either….

Pippin: Drinks all around!

Pippin is ignored

Padfoot: OOOH! LET'S PLAY DUCK-DUCK-LILY?!

Pippin: OH! I'VE NEVER PLAYED THAT BEFORE!!!!!

Lily magically appears.

Lily: Oh DAMN

Padfoot: Puppy dog eyes Do we make you PMS THAT much…?

Lily: Sirius, luv?

Padfoot: Yeah Lils?

Lily: YOU CAN'T MAKE ME PMS!!!!

Moony: Ooooooh, someone got toooooold….

Snape: sniffs Is my hair that greasy? IS THAT WHY MY LORD PUNIIISSSHES MEE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Lily: Yes-

Snape: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Moony: AH! WILL THE MADNESS EVER END?!?!?!?!?!?!

Lily: No. But, Remus?

Snape: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Moony: Yes Lily?

Lily: When-

Padfoot: GAME!! GAME GAME GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!!!

Snape: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Aragorn: Snores softly

Pippin: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-Yeah, uh-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-that-that's it…riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight there………zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Gets disgusted looks

Pippin: Uh…uh huh…my Mustang JT just got a leak, and I…..tried to fix it but………….whoo-hoo, Hooter's was RIGHT…zzzzzzzzzzzz…..there……

Mwahahahahaha.

Shall I continue?

Yes, it is pointless, I know, but this was for AMUSEMENT

And next chapter will focus on the LotR characters…and my Best friend, mwahahahahahahahaha. Anyway, I know I gave the characters a very modern day, human touch, but DON'T BITE MYT ASS OFF. I KNOW.

Thank you,

Riot Girl