Disclaimer: I didn't create Harry Potter.

Chapter Four: Facing the Truth

For the first time since he watched him fall through the veil, Harry really felt the loss of Sirius. It was like falling through ice on a freezing winter day. All the air fled from his lungs. And he swam and fought through his emotions as bitter cold reality took hold of him. He was losing the battle. Sinking….

Sinking….

Sinking….

"Harry? Harry, are you ok?" Lupin said patting him on the back. As calm as his voice might of sounded, Harry could feel a Lupin's hands shaking slightly as he patted Harry's back. Harry forced his head to nod.

But the truth was, he wasn't ok. Harry was in utter shock. He was being forced to face something he just wasn't ready to deal with yet. He just wasn't completely ready to let the death of Sirius be real.

Every morning when he woke up, Harry hoped vainly that it had all been one terrible, never ending dream. And that he would be receiving a letter from Sirius any day now. But like always, he could never ignore the bitter reality that lay deep in the dungeons on his heart, calling loudly to be set free. Well he, Harry, wasn't ready to grab the keys and open the cell.

There would be no one to pull him out of that icy water now. He would have to fight and swim or give in to it's fathomless depths of sorrow. He didn't know which he wanted.

To leave and be with his parents and Sirius at last, to abandon all those innocent people to the wrath of Lord Voldemort and render his parents sacrifice useless, or he could fight. Fight for himself, for those he loved, and most of all get what was raging most rapidly through his veins. Revenge upon Voldemort.

Some days one choice outweighed the other, but in the end he always chose to fight. If not for those blameless people, but for retribution.

"C'mon, Harry. Remember, you have to think about it, otherwise you can't come in." Tonks said, looking at him from an invisible platform. Harry was confused for a moment, and then he remembered. Number 12 Grimmauld place. You had to think about it, otherwise it wouldn't appear. He stood there, staring at her with unseeing eyes. Harry couldn't think of it. He didn't want to. How could they expect him to just waltz right in there like it was nothing? And now his mind was making room for yet another emotion.

Anger.

"Harry, I know it's difficult and believe me I know how you-" But Harry didn't here the last of Lupin's sentence. Shouts were blocking it out. His own shouts.

"You know how I feel, do you? You know what I'm going through? You know what it's like to be without parents? To live with muggles who hate and despise your very PRESCENCE? To lose the closest thing you have to a father? YOU KNOW WHAT I FEEL, EH? No, you DON'T know what I feel. ALL YOU KNOW IS WHAT'S RIGHT FOR THE ORDER. You don't CARE what I feel!! You- All of you, making me go into that house…where- where he lived! Where he's EVERYWHERE you look! How DARE you say you know what I feel?! You don't even know the HALF of it!!" He was suddenly on his knees. His hands on his face. He couldn't control it. He couldn't stop it. Tears were coming down his eyes. Silent rivers trickling from the dam of his emotions.

Someone was grabbing him. Someone was holding him up. Putting their arms around him, hugging him. But Harry wouldn't have it. He wouldn't let them…Those emotionless people, impassive to the death of Sirius, touch him. He wrenched away. It was Lupin who had hugged him. He looked at Harry as though madly fighting tears of his own. Harry wiped his eyes.

"Take me inside." he said in a cold detached voice.

Author's note: A bit longer than usual. I was feeling quite down myself today. Anyways, Merry Christmas everyone!!!! ^_________^