It's impossible to love you
If you don't let me know what you're feeling
It's impossible for me to give you what you need
If you're always hidin' from me
It felt like a deja-vu. Again he was walking over to Rory's house. Again a cup of coffee in his hands. Only this time Dean wouldn't be there when he arrived. He wouldn't have to make up some stupid reason as to why he was there, when inside he was screaming with hurt. Oh, for one second he had wanted to throw the truth at Deans feet. That he had slept with Rory, that she had told him Dean had been worse. And that she had feelings for him. HIM. Jess Mariano.
But he didn't. He had seen the fear in her eyes and a part of him understood. Knew that she wouldn't give her pefect life up for him, a badboy from New York. So why did he even bother to show up? Was it some sick side of him that wanted to feel the pain? Hear from her that she had chosen bagboy over him?
He didn't know. He just knew that he refused to give up until he heard the words coming from her lips. You could call it crazy, he called it hope. Maybe...you know. After all, who would have expected Rory to have sex with him in the first place?
So his feet kept dragging him towards her house. He smiled a bit. He had already come farther than a couple of hours ago. Before he could knock she had already opened the door. "Hey" She smiled so fast he could have sworn he had just imagined it. "Hey coffeelvr" He handed her the coffee. This time her smile lingered long enough for him to notice it.
"So"
"Yeah"
"Yeah"
"So"
**This isn't leading anywhere** Jess thought. He sat down on the bed and watched her fidget with her clothes. Why where they in the bedroom again? Oh yeah...so her mom wouldn't notice. **Am I supposed to be Lane again?!**
She took a sip from her coffee and sighed. "I..." She paused, took another sip and sighed again. "Yeah" God, did he long for a cigarette right now. Again the silence downed upon them, minutes of awkward staring passed. A few times he opened his mouth, as if he was going to say something, but just closed it again, thus prolonging the silence.
Suddenly she put her empty coffeecup on her table. The small noise sounded hard to both of them. "This is stupid" She looked at him. "I feel so ashamed... for not knowing it was you online. I didn't want to tell you that like this."
He looked up and noticed she had started fidgeting with the bracelet Dean had given her. "So pretend you didn't" She looked surprised. "Tell me now" he continued. "Tell me whatever you think I need to know"
She sighed again and sat down next to him. "You were great" She blushed "and for a while I was angry at you cause of that. Cause Dean couldn't compare to you" She stared at the floor, unable to look him into his eyes now she felt so vulnerable. "You made me feel things...do things that I never thought I would experience. Things that Dean had never made me feel. When you kissed me..." Her voice trailed off.
She had been silent for over a minute, but he didn't push her. He was scared she would crawl back into her shell, and that all that had once been would be lost. So no matter how much he wanted to know what he had done to her when he kissed her, he kept his mouth shut and waited for her to continue.
"it was just perfect. It felt like I had just been kissed for the first time. Really kissed I mean" She cast a quick glance at him before looking down again. "I'm scared Jess...with Dean I was in control. And...when you and I...I just freaked out. For the first time I could imagine myself becoming like my mother. And I don't want that..."
He seemed to think about that for a minute, and then nodded, to show he understood. "So" He tried to keep his voice steady. "You're staying with Dean..."
If you don't let me know what you're feeling
It's impossible for me to give you what you need
If you're always hidin' from me
It felt like a deja-vu. Again he was walking over to Rory's house. Again a cup of coffee in his hands. Only this time Dean wouldn't be there when he arrived. He wouldn't have to make up some stupid reason as to why he was there, when inside he was screaming with hurt. Oh, for one second he had wanted to throw the truth at Deans feet. That he had slept with Rory, that she had told him Dean had been worse. And that she had feelings for him. HIM. Jess Mariano.
But he didn't. He had seen the fear in her eyes and a part of him understood. Knew that she wouldn't give her pefect life up for him, a badboy from New York. So why did he even bother to show up? Was it some sick side of him that wanted to feel the pain? Hear from her that she had chosen bagboy over him?
He didn't know. He just knew that he refused to give up until he heard the words coming from her lips. You could call it crazy, he called it hope. Maybe...you know. After all, who would have expected Rory to have sex with him in the first place?
So his feet kept dragging him towards her house. He smiled a bit. He had already come farther than a couple of hours ago. Before he could knock she had already opened the door. "Hey" She smiled so fast he could have sworn he had just imagined it. "Hey coffeelvr" He handed her the coffee. This time her smile lingered long enough for him to notice it.
"So"
"Yeah"
"Yeah"
"So"
**This isn't leading anywhere** Jess thought. He sat down on the bed and watched her fidget with her clothes. Why where they in the bedroom again? Oh yeah...so her mom wouldn't notice. **Am I supposed to be Lane again?!**
She took a sip from her coffee and sighed. "I..." She paused, took another sip and sighed again. "Yeah" God, did he long for a cigarette right now. Again the silence downed upon them, minutes of awkward staring passed. A few times he opened his mouth, as if he was going to say something, but just closed it again, thus prolonging the silence.
Suddenly she put her empty coffeecup on her table. The small noise sounded hard to both of them. "This is stupid" She looked at him. "I feel so ashamed... for not knowing it was you online. I didn't want to tell you that like this."
He looked up and noticed she had started fidgeting with the bracelet Dean had given her. "So pretend you didn't" She looked surprised. "Tell me now" he continued. "Tell me whatever you think I need to know"
She sighed again and sat down next to him. "You were great" She blushed "and for a while I was angry at you cause of that. Cause Dean couldn't compare to you" She stared at the floor, unable to look him into his eyes now she felt so vulnerable. "You made me feel things...do things that I never thought I would experience. Things that Dean had never made me feel. When you kissed me..." Her voice trailed off.
She had been silent for over a minute, but he didn't push her. He was scared she would crawl back into her shell, and that all that had once been would be lost. So no matter how much he wanted to know what he had done to her when he kissed her, he kept his mouth shut and waited for her to continue.
"it was just perfect. It felt like I had just been kissed for the first time. Really kissed I mean" She cast a quick glance at him before looking down again. "I'm scared Jess...with Dean I was in control. And...when you and I...I just freaked out. For the first time I could imagine myself becoming like my mother. And I don't want that..."
He seemed to think about that for a minute, and then nodded, to show he understood. "So" He tried to keep his voice steady. "You're staying with Dean..."