Chapter 2: "The Idiot And His Odessy"
Fry enters a low lite room with a mist in the air. A head jar lie under a black cloth.
He thinks twice about uncovering the head, "Hummm ... should I really doom the entire world to insanity just to satisfy my curiosity? Well, it's not like they can blame me; they'll all be insane. What the hell."
He pulls the sheet off.
"Oh my god!" Psycho music sounds, "It's hideous. Wait - where's the face? Oh yeah, it's facing backwards," he turns the jar around.
There, floating in fluid, is the head of Homer Simpson.
He reads the name plate, "Homer J. Simpson. Gee, I can't see what all the fuss was about. It's just your average bald head."
"D'Oh! For the last time - I am not bald. Just follicly challenged. Who the hell are you?" asks Homer.
"I'm Fry. So, why'd they put you in here?"
"I ... don't remember ... yes. That's it."
"Don't you have any family, or loved ones that could take care of you?"
"Pt - I wish. They all laughed at me when I spent are Christmas bonus on head storage. Laughed I tell you! Ha! But the jokes on them, I don't see any of THEIR heads here. Especially the boys'..."
"How long have you been in here?"
"Ewe ... I don't know! they feed me fish food and make me watch PBS. PBS! You've got to help me! If you get me out of here I'll, I'll give you anything you want! Name it! Anything that you want, I can get. You wouldn't happen to know where Ned Flanders' house is?"
"Ned Flanders? Hey, I remember him - from this history book I read a couple weeks ago. Wasn't he the Pope, or something?"
"Figures. You got to get me out of here!" pleas Homer.
"I don't know ... stealing a head is a felony. What would you do if I did?"
"I would NOT set off the silent alarm."
"Ah, crud."
Fry walks down the steps of the museum, holding Homer's head jar.
"Oh my god!" shouts Homer.
"I know - the future is a different place. New York is underground and infested with mutants, human beings regularly travel to distant galaxies and have made contact with several alien species. And plus there's lots of robots."
"A Dunkin' Dunuts! Ewww, ewww! Can we go there? Huh? Can we?"
"I don't' know..." says Fry.
"Oooohhh ... doughnuts..." he makes sounds of hunger and drools.
Fry comes walking out of the shop with Homer's head jar in one hand and a carrying case of doughnuts in the other. Fry looks a little perturbed.
"I don't know how you're gonna eat all these anyway. You don't even have a body. And you better not be expecting me to clean the bottom of your jar. No way."
"Oh, let's go see a movie! Is McBain's head starring in anything new?"
"I'm all tapped out. The doughnuts costed 32.50. And you still have not explained to me exactly how you're gonna eat them," says Fry.
"Relax nerdo. Just crumble them into little pieces and sprinkle them into the water," replies Homer.
"Oh, okay," he does so.
"Eh, eh! They're floating on the top! Awww!"
They'll sink eventually," says Fry.
"Oh, but I want to be unhealthy now."
The door slides open up to Bender's spare closet. Everyone is still doing nothing.
"Hey you guys, you'll never guess what!" Fry exclaims.
"You brought us doughnut confections?" answers Leela.
"Pisss, no! Don't be silly. That's for the head I stole from the museum!"
"Huh!" replies Leela.
"You stole a head?" asks Amy.
"Hummm, what's up with the head anyway?" the Professor chimes in late.
"Fry, stealing is wrong. I used to be a Police Officer. I know these things," comments Leela.
"Check it out - I think he's stupider than me."
"Hey!" says Homer.
"He looks vaguely familiar, but I can't quite put my finger on it," the Professor pounders.
"Everyone, this is Homer J. Simpson. Homer, this is everyone. I'll introduce. That's Leela. She's an alien and the only one of her kind."
"Homer gives a playful growl like that he used to give to Marge, "Hey baby, I've been single for a millennium. Wanna try a blast from the past?"
"No thanks. I don't screw perverts. Besides, you don't have a penis anymore."
"I don't?!" Homer looks down and back up, "D'Oh!"
"That's Doctor Zoidberg. He's from another planet too," Fry continues.
"A pleasure to meet you fine sir! I'm sure we'll have plenty to talk about," says Zoidberg.
"You wish. The only conversation we'll be having is whether you go with Tartar sauce, Red Lobster," replies Homer.
"Owww..." an unhappy Zoidberg moans.
Fry continues, "That's Amy Wong."
"Hi!" says Amy.
"If that's Wong, then I don't want to be right!" says Homer.
Leela folds her arms and says, "Thanks Fry for bringing back a thousand years of male chauvinistic sexual harassment."
"I'm not sure what all those words meant, but you're welcome," Fry replies in a friendly tone.
Amy folds her arms as well.
"Over there's Scruffy. He cleans the place."
"Scruffy performs manual labor," responds Scruffy.
"And this is Professor Huebert Farnsworth. He owns Planet Express and we all work for him."
"So tell me, what's it like to be an AWAL head?" asks the Professor.
"Professor huh? What have you invented?" asks Homer.
"Among other things, the Smell-O-Scope. And just recently this hand held laser for removing warts from you back and..."
"Boring! Let's go to Moe's and ... ow! There is no more Moe's! I can't drink, I can't have sex and no one I know is alive anymore. The future sucks."
The door opens and in walks Bender.
The Professor speaks up, "Aw, cheer up. At least you haven't succumbed to sudden head death syndrome."
"What?!" Homer asks nervously.
"Oh, nothing," replies the Professor.
"Hey all. What'cha got there?" asks Bender.
"It's a head I stole from the museum," answers Fry.
"Way to go Fry! It's really ugly though," Bender pulls out a beer, takes a swirl and burps fire.
"Beer! Must have beer!" says Homer.
"Sorry, I only brought enough for me. Man, hasn't anyone told you about me yet?"
"Hey! You're a robot!" exclaims Homer with excitement.
"Yeah."
"Do that thing! From Lost In Space! Danger Will Robinson, Danger!"
"Bite my shinny futuristic metal ass."
"Well, as my kid used to say, 'Eat my shorts!'"
"Huh! You sir are as rude and uncouth as I. You wanna go hover cruising for broads?" asks Bender.
"Do I!" says Homer.
"No! Bad head! We have to lay low for a while," says Fry.
"Owww. Can't I at least have something to drink?"
"I guess so, what do you want?" asks Fry.
"Do they still make Duff Beer?"
"No," answers Bender.
"Agh! Son of a..."
The sound of Bender opening another beer can covers Homer's obscenity.
"But I did steal some a couple years back." he rummages through his chest, pulls out a bottle of Duff and shuts the chest plate door, "It's over a thousand years old. Not even I'm sure if it's safe to drink. Well, bottoms up," he opens it and pours some into Homer's tank.
"Bender, no! We should at least get him a straw," Leela goes into the kitchen.
"So, why did you freeze your noodle anyway?" asks Bender.
"The year was 2025. President O'Reilly was in officer, the borders were tight and rap music was dead. All was peaceful until one day ... ow! A bendy straw!"
Leela puts a neon orange flexible straw in the beer, then places the can on a pile of AOL 1009.0 disc cases next to Homer's jar and puts the straw down into the water for him to drink.
"Aaahhh ... expired beer ... where was I?"
"You left of at one day," says Leela.
"Oh yeah. Until one day the Earth was visited by beings from another planet. The Rygillians. Big ugly green aliens with tentacles and one eye. No offense," he says to Leela.
"None taken Fabio."
"Cool. So, what were they like?" asks Fry.
"Well, at first I thought they'd be like ALF. Fury and friendly and willing to solve out animal control problems. Or maybe even a cute E.T. wanting to phone home and run around carelessly naked. But we were all wrong."
"Now I remember. I knew there was something about that date," recalls the Professor, "2025 was the year space faring vessels from another world destroyed most of out civilization. We tried to rebuild, but they came back again. What remains is underground and is now infested by ugly, mutated pondscum not worthy to lick the heel of my space boots. No offense Leela."
"I'm going to let that one slip, but only cause I know you're crazy," says Leela.
"It's called space dementia damnit!" the Professor angrily replies.
"What set them off Professor?" asks Fry.
"I can't recall. Last time I read up on the subject was in college and all books and footage pertaining to the manner, locked up in a volt, sealed in an underground layer and covered in antimatter land mines. Plus a nasty little warning sign. Damned sign."
"All this talk is making me hungry. What do you have to eat around here anyway?" asks Homer.
The Professor responds, "Partially dehydrated soup, partially dehydrated Gerber baby food, partially dehydrated dehydrate and I think there's still some left over Soylent Green."
"Don't you know, Soylent Green is people?" asks Homer.
"Yes, but how else are we going to solve over crowding?" replies the Professor.
"Hummm, interesting point," says Homer.
"So, where do you want to eat? We got Taco Bell, Pizzizel Hut, we even have a Star Bucks. Though a cup of coffee is 30.00 a cup," replies Fry.
"Krusty Burger!" exclaims Homer.
"A what?" says the Professor.
"It's that run down dump on Estrada Avenue," replies Bender.
"Okay, I guess we could go there."
"Woo hoo! Burp!" Homer's lips ripple as he belches.
Fry enters a low lite room with a mist in the air. A head jar lie under a black cloth.
He thinks twice about uncovering the head, "Hummm ... should I really doom the entire world to insanity just to satisfy my curiosity? Well, it's not like they can blame me; they'll all be insane. What the hell."
He pulls the sheet off.
"Oh my god!" Psycho music sounds, "It's hideous. Wait - where's the face? Oh yeah, it's facing backwards," he turns the jar around.
There, floating in fluid, is the head of Homer Simpson.
He reads the name plate, "Homer J. Simpson. Gee, I can't see what all the fuss was about. It's just your average bald head."
"D'Oh! For the last time - I am not bald. Just follicly challenged. Who the hell are you?" asks Homer.
"I'm Fry. So, why'd they put you in here?"
"I ... don't remember ... yes. That's it."
"Don't you have any family, or loved ones that could take care of you?"
"Pt - I wish. They all laughed at me when I spent are Christmas bonus on head storage. Laughed I tell you! Ha! But the jokes on them, I don't see any of THEIR heads here. Especially the boys'..."
"How long have you been in here?"
"Ewe ... I don't know! they feed me fish food and make me watch PBS. PBS! You've got to help me! If you get me out of here I'll, I'll give you anything you want! Name it! Anything that you want, I can get. You wouldn't happen to know where Ned Flanders' house is?"
"Ned Flanders? Hey, I remember him - from this history book I read a couple weeks ago. Wasn't he the Pope, or something?"
"Figures. You got to get me out of here!" pleas Homer.
"I don't know ... stealing a head is a felony. What would you do if I did?"
"I would NOT set off the silent alarm."
"Ah, crud."
Fry walks down the steps of the museum, holding Homer's head jar.
"Oh my god!" shouts Homer.
"I know - the future is a different place. New York is underground and infested with mutants, human beings regularly travel to distant galaxies and have made contact with several alien species. And plus there's lots of robots."
"A Dunkin' Dunuts! Ewww, ewww! Can we go there? Huh? Can we?"
"I don't' know..." says Fry.
"Oooohhh ... doughnuts..." he makes sounds of hunger and drools.
Fry comes walking out of the shop with Homer's head jar in one hand and a carrying case of doughnuts in the other. Fry looks a little perturbed.
"I don't know how you're gonna eat all these anyway. You don't even have a body. And you better not be expecting me to clean the bottom of your jar. No way."
"Oh, let's go see a movie! Is McBain's head starring in anything new?"
"I'm all tapped out. The doughnuts costed 32.50. And you still have not explained to me exactly how you're gonna eat them," says Fry.
"Relax nerdo. Just crumble them into little pieces and sprinkle them into the water," replies Homer.
"Oh, okay," he does so.
"Eh, eh! They're floating on the top! Awww!"
They'll sink eventually," says Fry.
"Oh, but I want to be unhealthy now."
The door slides open up to Bender's spare closet. Everyone is still doing nothing.
"Hey you guys, you'll never guess what!" Fry exclaims.
"You brought us doughnut confections?" answers Leela.
"Pisss, no! Don't be silly. That's for the head I stole from the museum!"
"Huh!" replies Leela.
"You stole a head?" asks Amy.
"Hummm, what's up with the head anyway?" the Professor chimes in late.
"Fry, stealing is wrong. I used to be a Police Officer. I know these things," comments Leela.
"Check it out - I think he's stupider than me."
"Hey!" says Homer.
"He looks vaguely familiar, but I can't quite put my finger on it," the Professor pounders.
"Everyone, this is Homer J. Simpson. Homer, this is everyone. I'll introduce. That's Leela. She's an alien and the only one of her kind."
"Homer gives a playful growl like that he used to give to Marge, "Hey baby, I've been single for a millennium. Wanna try a blast from the past?"
"No thanks. I don't screw perverts. Besides, you don't have a penis anymore."
"I don't?!" Homer looks down and back up, "D'Oh!"
"That's Doctor Zoidberg. He's from another planet too," Fry continues.
"A pleasure to meet you fine sir! I'm sure we'll have plenty to talk about," says Zoidberg.
"You wish. The only conversation we'll be having is whether you go with Tartar sauce, Red Lobster," replies Homer.
"Owww..." an unhappy Zoidberg moans.
Fry continues, "That's Amy Wong."
"Hi!" says Amy.
"If that's Wong, then I don't want to be right!" says Homer.
Leela folds her arms and says, "Thanks Fry for bringing back a thousand years of male chauvinistic sexual harassment."
"I'm not sure what all those words meant, but you're welcome," Fry replies in a friendly tone.
Amy folds her arms as well.
"Over there's Scruffy. He cleans the place."
"Scruffy performs manual labor," responds Scruffy.
"And this is Professor Huebert Farnsworth. He owns Planet Express and we all work for him."
"So tell me, what's it like to be an AWAL head?" asks the Professor.
"Professor huh? What have you invented?" asks Homer.
"Among other things, the Smell-O-Scope. And just recently this hand held laser for removing warts from you back and..."
"Boring! Let's go to Moe's and ... ow! There is no more Moe's! I can't drink, I can't have sex and no one I know is alive anymore. The future sucks."
The door opens and in walks Bender.
The Professor speaks up, "Aw, cheer up. At least you haven't succumbed to sudden head death syndrome."
"What?!" Homer asks nervously.
"Oh, nothing," replies the Professor.
"Hey all. What'cha got there?" asks Bender.
"It's a head I stole from the museum," answers Fry.
"Way to go Fry! It's really ugly though," Bender pulls out a beer, takes a swirl and burps fire.
"Beer! Must have beer!" says Homer.
"Sorry, I only brought enough for me. Man, hasn't anyone told you about me yet?"
"Hey! You're a robot!" exclaims Homer with excitement.
"Yeah."
"Do that thing! From Lost In Space! Danger Will Robinson, Danger!"
"Bite my shinny futuristic metal ass."
"Well, as my kid used to say, 'Eat my shorts!'"
"Huh! You sir are as rude and uncouth as I. You wanna go hover cruising for broads?" asks Bender.
"Do I!" says Homer.
"No! Bad head! We have to lay low for a while," says Fry.
"Owww. Can't I at least have something to drink?"
"I guess so, what do you want?" asks Fry.
"Do they still make Duff Beer?"
"No," answers Bender.
"Agh! Son of a..."
The sound of Bender opening another beer can covers Homer's obscenity.
"But I did steal some a couple years back." he rummages through his chest, pulls out a bottle of Duff and shuts the chest plate door, "It's over a thousand years old. Not even I'm sure if it's safe to drink. Well, bottoms up," he opens it and pours some into Homer's tank.
"Bender, no! We should at least get him a straw," Leela goes into the kitchen.
"So, why did you freeze your noodle anyway?" asks Bender.
"The year was 2025. President O'Reilly was in officer, the borders were tight and rap music was dead. All was peaceful until one day ... ow! A bendy straw!"
Leela puts a neon orange flexible straw in the beer, then places the can on a pile of AOL 1009.0 disc cases next to Homer's jar and puts the straw down into the water for him to drink.
"Aaahhh ... expired beer ... where was I?"
"You left of at one day," says Leela.
"Oh yeah. Until one day the Earth was visited by beings from another planet. The Rygillians. Big ugly green aliens with tentacles and one eye. No offense," he says to Leela.
"None taken Fabio."
"Cool. So, what were they like?" asks Fry.
"Well, at first I thought they'd be like ALF. Fury and friendly and willing to solve out animal control problems. Or maybe even a cute E.T. wanting to phone home and run around carelessly naked. But we were all wrong."
"Now I remember. I knew there was something about that date," recalls the Professor, "2025 was the year space faring vessels from another world destroyed most of out civilization. We tried to rebuild, but they came back again. What remains is underground and is now infested by ugly, mutated pondscum not worthy to lick the heel of my space boots. No offense Leela."
"I'm going to let that one slip, but only cause I know you're crazy," says Leela.
"It's called space dementia damnit!" the Professor angrily replies.
"What set them off Professor?" asks Fry.
"I can't recall. Last time I read up on the subject was in college and all books and footage pertaining to the manner, locked up in a volt, sealed in an underground layer and covered in antimatter land mines. Plus a nasty little warning sign. Damned sign."
"All this talk is making me hungry. What do you have to eat around here anyway?" asks Homer.
The Professor responds, "Partially dehydrated soup, partially dehydrated Gerber baby food, partially dehydrated dehydrate and I think there's still some left over Soylent Green."
"Don't you know, Soylent Green is people?" asks Homer.
"Yes, but how else are we going to solve over crowding?" replies the Professor.
"Hummm, interesting point," says Homer.
"So, where do you want to eat? We got Taco Bell, Pizzizel Hut, we even have a Star Bucks. Though a cup of coffee is 30.00 a cup," replies Fry.
"Krusty Burger!" exclaims Homer.
"A what?" says the Professor.
"It's that run down dump on Estrada Avenue," replies Bender.
"Okay, I guess we could go there."
"Woo hoo! Burp!" Homer's lips ripple as he belches.