A/N: Sorry sorry sorry!!! I know most of you didn't like the turn the story
made, but the point it...I really don't know where to go with this story
when Rory and Jess finally get together. In my head that was kinda the
finale, cause I totally suck at writing stuff that involves them being
happy and together. But since you don't like them being apart I'm just
gonna try to write them together as soon as possible...so if the chapters
suck I'm sorry. In case you haven't already gotten that point: I'm kinda
insecure about my writing...and I want to keep people happy :P So I hope
you're happy with the next chapter...
~~
Dean leaned over and slowly captured my lips with a soft and gentle kiss. When I didn't join him in the kiss he slowly drew back and looked at me.
"I'm sorry" His eyes pleaded with me, silently asking me not to be angry with him.
"I thought you wanted it"
I looked up at him and casted a quick glance at Jess, who was still making out with Shane. His hands were up under her shirt and his mouth claimed her lips time and time again.
"I did...I do. I missed you Dean"
It was true. Well...partly. I had missed him. But what I had really missed was the company, someone to hold and cuddle with. I hadn't actually missed HIM. Yet he was here, holding me in his arms, begging me to give him a second chance. So I did.
For a little moment I felt guilty putting Dean in as a pawn in my game. But reason had abandoned my mind for the time being. I wanted to get back at Jess, show him that if he wanted to hurt me, I could hurt him back. And...in case he didn't care, I wanted to show him that neither did I.
~~
"You didn't!" Lane shrieked.
"I did" I felt miserable. When Dean decided to kiss me it felt like the perfect way of getting back at Jess. But right now I just felt like I screwed everything up. So what if Jess had a girlfriend? So what if he moved on...it was no excuse for me to use Dean like I did. When I looked at my behaviour of the past weeks I didn't recognize myself. I wasn't that girl. I was a sweet and good girl, not one who used her ex to make some guy jealous.
"So...what are you gonna do about it?"
"I don't know" I sighed and rested my head in my hands. "I screwed up Lane. What's Dean gonna think when I break up with him all of the sudden?"
"Probably that you just used him to get back at Jess."
I laughed, a bitter laugh. "That's not helping Lane..."
"I'm sorry...but Dean isn't stupid...he will know..."
Lane sighed. "You know how I've always said I wanted your life...well right now I'm not complaining about having my boring life..."
"I have to talk to Jess"
Lane nodded. "I think that would be a good idea. Maybe he's just doing that Shane-girl to get back at you..."
I shrugged. Did it matter? I was so heartbroken and confused that right now all I wanted was to tell him how I felt...get it over with...close the chapter, that kinda thing.
~~
So...how to tell him? I guessed he wasn't really in the mood for a face-to- face conversation. Maybe I should just write him an email. But what if Shane would read it? I didn't want them to fight just cause I couldn't keep my stupid mouth shut.
Dear Jess,
I hope you haven't already deleted this mail when you saw it was
coming from me. Well...course if you're reading this you haven't...but
well...yeah.
The thing is, I wanted to apologize to you. I know we were friends,
but the past weeks I've definitely not treated you as a friend. The
truth is, I don't want us to be friends.
How was I supposed to continue? Should I tell him I loved him? Maybe I should just start explaining why I hadn't spoken to him once since he got out of the hospital. But the truth was...I didn't really know. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.
I'm sorry I avoided you when you got out of the hospital. I don't
really know why I didn't contact you, I guess I was just scared. You
see...when I visited you, I almost said something. But then my mom
came in and spoiled the moment, and I couldn't summon up the courage
to say it again. And somehow I just felt like you didn't feel the
same.
Ahh...I suck at writing things like this. I just start rambling and
lose my point. So...I guess I'm just gonna say it and leave all the
talking to a later time. If you ever wanna talk to me after this whole
thing again that is.
I love you.
I didn't know if I had to write anything else. Everything I would add would just take away the powerful meaning of those three words. Ofcourse...I could tell him why I went back to Dean...that I had to break up with him again if there was a chance for him and me...I could tell him how much it hurt to see him making out with Shane...but I feared things like that would take his mind of the fact what was really happening here. I loved him. I LOVED him. I loved HIM.
So I pressed the SEND-button and prayed Shane wouldn't be the one to read the message. My hands were shaky and covered in sweat. But I knew I did the right thing. I had been screwing things up. I had done things I'd never imagined myself doing, and I had to make this right again. And I was going to. Ofcourse...I couldn't undo everything I did, but I could try to fix the hurt that I've caused the people around me.
Starting with Dean. I know this would probably add a bit to the hurt- factor, but I needed to explain things to him. I needed him to know I didn't mean to use him, and that I hoped we could be friends.
~~
Haha friends. Can I just laugh? Where did my head get this insane idea we could be friends? He totally hates me now! The only thing that kept him from hitting Jess was the fact that last time it ended with Jess being in the hospital. That...and the fact that he was barred from the diner.
FLASHBACK
When I arrived at his house he was in his room watching a video. He was happily surprised I was there and tried to hug and kiss me and wanted me to watch the movie together. As soon as I said the familiar words "we need to talk" his face saddened and he stopped the video.
"I knew it..." He stood up and moved away from me, as if I were on fire and he was afraid to burn himself.
"I knew it...how could I have been this stupid...just say it...you just used me..."
I was silent for a while. I didn't know how to explain everything. As soon as I tried to he cut me short.
"Don't...I don't wanna hear how fabulous he is. I'm done being your toyboy Rory Gilmore..."
"Dean...I'm sorry..."
"Too late..."
I stood up, tears stinging in my eyes. "I guess this means we can't be friends either..."
A sad smile appeared on his face. "Rory Gilmore...always the smart one..."
I nodded. "So...I think...I should go now..."
Secretly I hoped for him to turn around and tell me we would be able to become friends in a while...when things didn't hurt so much anymore. I wanted him to tell me I wasn't this awful person I felt to be.
"You know the way to the door"
I took that as my cue to leave and made my way downstairs, trying to hold back the tears that were already staining my shirt.
~~
Dean leaned over and slowly captured my lips with a soft and gentle kiss. When I didn't join him in the kiss he slowly drew back and looked at me.
"I'm sorry" His eyes pleaded with me, silently asking me not to be angry with him.
"I thought you wanted it"
I looked up at him and casted a quick glance at Jess, who was still making out with Shane. His hands were up under her shirt and his mouth claimed her lips time and time again.
"I did...I do. I missed you Dean"
It was true. Well...partly. I had missed him. But what I had really missed was the company, someone to hold and cuddle with. I hadn't actually missed HIM. Yet he was here, holding me in his arms, begging me to give him a second chance. So I did.
For a little moment I felt guilty putting Dean in as a pawn in my game. But reason had abandoned my mind for the time being. I wanted to get back at Jess, show him that if he wanted to hurt me, I could hurt him back. And...in case he didn't care, I wanted to show him that neither did I.
~~
"You didn't!" Lane shrieked.
"I did" I felt miserable. When Dean decided to kiss me it felt like the perfect way of getting back at Jess. But right now I just felt like I screwed everything up. So what if Jess had a girlfriend? So what if he moved on...it was no excuse for me to use Dean like I did. When I looked at my behaviour of the past weeks I didn't recognize myself. I wasn't that girl. I was a sweet and good girl, not one who used her ex to make some guy jealous.
"So...what are you gonna do about it?"
"I don't know" I sighed and rested my head in my hands. "I screwed up Lane. What's Dean gonna think when I break up with him all of the sudden?"
"Probably that you just used him to get back at Jess."
I laughed, a bitter laugh. "That's not helping Lane..."
"I'm sorry...but Dean isn't stupid...he will know..."
Lane sighed. "You know how I've always said I wanted your life...well right now I'm not complaining about having my boring life..."
"I have to talk to Jess"
Lane nodded. "I think that would be a good idea. Maybe he's just doing that Shane-girl to get back at you..."
I shrugged. Did it matter? I was so heartbroken and confused that right now all I wanted was to tell him how I felt...get it over with...close the chapter, that kinda thing.
~~
So...how to tell him? I guessed he wasn't really in the mood for a face-to- face conversation. Maybe I should just write him an email. But what if Shane would read it? I didn't want them to fight just cause I couldn't keep my stupid mouth shut.
Dear Jess,
I hope you haven't already deleted this mail when you saw it was
coming from me. Well...course if you're reading this you haven't...but
well...yeah.
The thing is, I wanted to apologize to you. I know we were friends,
but the past weeks I've definitely not treated you as a friend. The
truth is, I don't want us to be friends.
How was I supposed to continue? Should I tell him I loved him? Maybe I should just start explaining why I hadn't spoken to him once since he got out of the hospital. But the truth was...I didn't really know. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.
I'm sorry I avoided you when you got out of the hospital. I don't
really know why I didn't contact you, I guess I was just scared. You
see...when I visited you, I almost said something. But then my mom
came in and spoiled the moment, and I couldn't summon up the courage
to say it again. And somehow I just felt like you didn't feel the
same.
Ahh...I suck at writing things like this. I just start rambling and
lose my point. So...I guess I'm just gonna say it and leave all the
talking to a later time. If you ever wanna talk to me after this whole
thing again that is.
I love you.
I didn't know if I had to write anything else. Everything I would add would just take away the powerful meaning of those three words. Ofcourse...I could tell him why I went back to Dean...that I had to break up with him again if there was a chance for him and me...I could tell him how much it hurt to see him making out with Shane...but I feared things like that would take his mind of the fact what was really happening here. I loved him. I LOVED him. I loved HIM.
So I pressed the SEND-button and prayed Shane wouldn't be the one to read the message. My hands were shaky and covered in sweat. But I knew I did the right thing. I had been screwing things up. I had done things I'd never imagined myself doing, and I had to make this right again. And I was going to. Ofcourse...I couldn't undo everything I did, but I could try to fix the hurt that I've caused the people around me.
Starting with Dean. I know this would probably add a bit to the hurt- factor, but I needed to explain things to him. I needed him to know I didn't mean to use him, and that I hoped we could be friends.
~~
Haha friends. Can I just laugh? Where did my head get this insane idea we could be friends? He totally hates me now! The only thing that kept him from hitting Jess was the fact that last time it ended with Jess being in the hospital. That...and the fact that he was barred from the diner.
FLASHBACK
When I arrived at his house he was in his room watching a video. He was happily surprised I was there and tried to hug and kiss me and wanted me to watch the movie together. As soon as I said the familiar words "we need to talk" his face saddened and he stopped the video.
"I knew it..." He stood up and moved away from me, as if I were on fire and he was afraid to burn himself.
"I knew it...how could I have been this stupid...just say it...you just used me..."
I was silent for a while. I didn't know how to explain everything. As soon as I tried to he cut me short.
"Don't...I don't wanna hear how fabulous he is. I'm done being your toyboy Rory Gilmore..."
"Dean...I'm sorry..."
"Too late..."
I stood up, tears stinging in my eyes. "I guess this means we can't be friends either..."
A sad smile appeared on his face. "Rory Gilmore...always the smart one..."
I nodded. "So...I think...I should go now..."
Secretly I hoped for him to turn around and tell me we would be able to become friends in a while...when things didn't hurt so much anymore. I wanted him to tell me I wasn't this awful person I felt to be.
"You know the way to the door"
I took that as my cue to leave and made my way downstairs, trying to hold back the tears that were already staining my shirt.