Chapter 3: "Hungry Are The Doomed"
The door to the room Homer's head had been in opens. A light comes on.
"My god! It is gone!" exclaims a man.
"I told you," says the old lady.
"Who would do such a thing?! To release such unspeakably twisted evil upon the Earth and to forever doom a civilization! Do you think Dairy Queen accepts third party digital checks?"
"Beats me."
"Oh well, I guess I can call. You know, we should really put a lock on this," and he turns the light off and closes the door while whistling "What A beautiful Day".
Fry and Homer walk down a street.
"So, how does it feel to have your head in a jar anyway?" asks Fry.
"Oddly comforting. Thought I sometimes have this urge to scream out in horror. How long is this going to take? I'm hungry now. Can't we take a taxi, or something?"
"Well, it is another mile to the restaurant. I guess we could hail a cab..."
"That's the spirit. Ow, ow! Over there!" Homer nods.
"I got it," Fry starts running with Homer in hand. Composer Christopher Tyng does a piece reminiscent of Mission: Impossible.
"Looks like that guy is going to get the cab," says Fry.
"Not if I can help! Do exactly as I say," they run up and Fry listens to Homer talk.
"Excuse me sir, can I have that cab?" asks Fry.
"Gee, let me think ... no," replies the guy.
"You got to! It's an emergency! I need to rush this donor head to the emergency room stat, or else!"
"We all have our problems," the guy climbs into the cab.
"Look! It's that green girl from Star Trek!" yells Homer.
"Where?!" says the guy. He turns to look.
Fry squeezes behind him and pushes the guy away. He lands on his butt.
"So long, looossser!" calls out Homer.
They both laugh at the guy.
"Estrada Avenue please," Fry taps the side of the cab with his hand. the cab doesn't move. They stop laughing as the guy gets up. Fry taps his hand again. The guy rolls up his sleeves and makes fists.
"Agh!!!" cries Homer.
"Hey! Estrada Avenue please!"
The cabbie puts down a Playboy and says, "Oh, sorry," he starts it and they take off.
"Whew! That was close. Did you always live life so excitingly?" asks Fry.
"You mean with total disregard for personal safety and respect for others?"
"Yep," says Fry.
"All the time!"
The cab stops and lowers down.
"That'll be 17.50," says the cabbie.
"17.50?! But we only flew a mile! We will not pay. I say good day to you sir. Pick me up?"
"Oh," and Fry picks the jar up.
The cabbie pulls out a laser pistol.
"I must insist please."
"Ut-oh," says Fry.
"Ut-oh? What do you mean ut-oh?" asks Homer.
"I don't have enough for the cab and Krusty Burger."
"Tih ... owww. Damnit! Ah, ah ... look! Carmen Elektra's head!"
"Huh?!" says the cabbie.
"Where?!" exclaims Fry.
"Run!" calls out Homer.
"Oh, right," he bolts with Homer in hand.
The cabbie looks out his window and says, "I still don't see her. Let me look again for I am sure you are not lying to me ... nope. Are you absolutely sure it was miss Elektra?"
Fry stops running. They have reached Krusty Burger.
"Yes! In your face!" shouts Homer.
"That was so exciting! My friends rarely ever do anything that fantastic. Well, maybe those times we ran from Santa, or the time some alien tried to take my wiener, or the time..."
"Less talk, more food."
They enter the restaurant.
"Hey! Hey! Welcome to Krusty Burger!"
"Huh! Krusty's head! Krusty! Remember me?!" says Homer.
"Sorry buddy."
"We lived in Springfield together! You had a TV show and my kid saved your life and career countless times!"
"Yeah, I'm grateful. Keep moving no-legs."
As soon as Fry and Homer are gone, an assistant standing next to the stand Krusty's head jar is on takes out a pack of cigarettes. She whacks the bottom in her hand, pulls out a loose one, lights it and sticks it in a small porthole on the bottom of the jar and above the name plaque. A couple of tubes lead form it and are embedded in Krusty's neck skin.
"Aaahhhggg..." he exclaims as he takes a drag. Bubbles of air rise out of his mouth and pop in puffs of smoke at the surface of the jar's water.
After a couple minutes in line, they are first to order. A 40th century equivalent of the teenaged nerd seen in The Simpsons, mans the register.
"Welcome to Krusty Burger. May I take your order please?"
"Yeah, I'll have five Krusty Burgers with extra meat, ketchup, pickles, one of those onion rings thingys and a diet coke," replies Homer.
"Gee, I don't know. What are today's specials?" asks Fry.
"What?!" exclaims the surprised employee.
"Homer lets out a grunt, "Nobody asks about the specials. He'll have what I'm having."
"All right. I have ten Krusty Burger specialties, two packs of onion rings and two diet cokes. Will that be all?"
"Well..."
"Yes," Homer cuts Fry off.
"Your total is 28.69."
"Here," Fry hands him some money. The employee runs the dollar through like a credit card and when he hands it back, the dollar denomination has changed.
"Your order will be ready in about ten minutes. Thank you."
They walk off.
"Diane, make one of those water resistant!"
Fry sits down on a levitating seat cushion. It lowers with his weight a tad. He sets Homer's head jar on a head jar booster seat across the table.
"Neat," Fry spins in the hovering seat.
Jets of cleanser spray across their table and then robotic bending arms pop out from under. One has a rag and wipes the table. The other a squeegee. They go back under when done.
"Cool. Hey, check this out," Fry spits on the table and the whole process starts over.
The back door to the kitchen in the restaurant slides open with a "Star Trek" like sound.
"You're late," says the manager.
The guy that just came in and hung his coat turns around. It is the man they screwed over on the taxi.
"Yeah, yeah," he walks to the front to clock in and sees Homer and Fry. He speaks aloud, lowly, "Oh yes ... didn't anyone ever tell you? Revenge is a Krusty dish best served cold ... that may also possibly contain echoli," he walks over to the food preparation area.
"Here, I'll take over. Go take your brake"
"Thanks," says the employee.
The Professor walks into the room.
"Bad news everyone. I just remembered what that head Fry is carrying around did!"
"Is it bad Professor?" asks Leela.
"Extraordinarily so. Back in 2025 Earth made contact for the first time with the alien species known as Rygillians. Though records are hard to come by from the time, since they were mostly wiped out, I recall reading very clearly that this Homer J. Simpson fellow greatly insulted their race in a wild series of events that colminated in him relieving himself on their planets symbol of strength and peace - their flag. For that they raged a terrible was upon are land. And they struck again at a later date. This man is single handedly responsible for the fourth World War!"
"Huh!" Leela and Amy both exclaim at the same time.
"A man after my own heart," says Bender.
"Scruffy's feeling a bit overwhelmed with emotion," Scruffy walks off.
"Does anyone want some tea?" asks the Professor.
Leela stands up, "We got to go warn him!"
The guy at the restaurant takes a small tube from his pants and laces Fry's food.
"Hey, can you take this over to table six?" asks the guy.
"Sure thing," says the employee he asked. The guy puts it on a tray and hands it to the employee. The employee walks to their table. He sets it down, "here you go. Enjoy your meal."
"Thanks," says Fry. He picks the hamburger up and brings it to his lips and stops, "Gosh, you know I've never eaten a Krusty Burger before? First time for everything I guess," he moves the food to his mouth again and stops, "is it any good? I don't want to eat it if it's not. Here goes nothing," he is about to take a bite when he stops yet again and says, "hey, do you think we should save some for..."
"Oh, will you just eat it already?" says an inpatient Homer.
"No problemo," he takes a bite. "Ummm, this is delicious. I could eat two, or three of these things," he proceeds to gobble it up. He sees the guy from the cab. The guy is grinning evilly and rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
"Hey, isn't that that guy we took the cab from?" asks Fry.
"How should I know?" Homer goes back to bobbing for hamburger bits.
Fry takes another bite and chews slowly. The guy's eye's widen with excitement. The guy stares at Fry's burger. Fry looks at him, then the burger and then the guy again. He continues to eat. The guy is transfixed on the burger and jumping up and down.
"I think he wants my hamburger," says Fry.
"Pft - tough luck. Get your own pal!" yells Homer.
Hermes walks into the Planet Express lounge.
"Hey everyone. I thought we could all ... damnit!"
The professor's Planet Express ship lands in the middle of the road on it's struts. The door opens and the steps jut out to the ground. They all come running down the steps. The Professor walks out slowly.
"You forgot to lock the doors damnit! Everyone's in such a hurry these days."
Leela comes running in and exclaims, "Fry!"
"Hey Leela," he replies.
"Are you all right?" she asks.
"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"
"The Professor remembered what your pet head did."
"Owww..." says a worried Homer.
"What?" asks Fry.
"he was single handedly responsible for wiping out most of the human race! He started World War 4!!!"
"Get out of here! This is some kind of joke right? Alan Font is going to appear and tell me I'm on TV right?"
"This is no joke," answers Leela.
"Actually, it is kind of funny. In a perverse inhuman way," says Bender.
"Pft - It's like a bad credit rating - it follows me no matter where I go. All I did was have mass genocide thrust upon the human race. A lot of them deserved it anyway. Come on! It's not that bad! I only did it once!" persuades homer.
"Twice actually," says the Professor.
"Quiet old man," Homer says in a familiar way.
"Gosh, he seems so friendly," responds Fry.
"The bad ones always do," says Leela.
Customers clear out of the restaurant.
"Aw! Come on! he's only talking about dead people! IT happened over 900 years ago! No refunds..." Krusty trails off.
"We contacted museum officials and they agreed to not press charges as long as we return the head," says Leela.
"Can we finish eating first? Today may be his last day as a free head," asks Fry.
"I guess so. Everyone, I guess we're gonna..." she turns around. The Professor is asleep and Amy and Bender are ordering in line.
"You want a Krusty Burger? I saved one just for you."
"That's so sweet. Thank you Fry, but I don't eat take out food until I have screened it for germs. I always use caution after watching Dateline NDBC," she pulls out a small hand held scanning device and a blue laser light shines over the burger. "Huh!!! Fry! Stop eating that hamburger! It has Mad Cow Disease!!!"
"Really? What about this one?" he points to another wrapped one.
"They're all tainted!"
"Raspberries," he starts acting strange. He starts making 'Moo' sounds and crawling on all fours.
"Quickly! We got to get him to the ship so we can administer the antidote! Bender! Get the head!" orders Leela. Amy and Leela then put Fry's arms on their shoulders and walk him over to the ship.
The Professor wakes up and looks around, "Huh?"
"I guess it won't be that bad. I can make MOOney at the Garry Larson museum."
"This mutated string can be permanent if not reversed soon," says Leela.
"What's the worse that could happen?" asks Fry.
"You could turn into a cow!" exclaims Leela.
"Comfy in there?" Bender opens his stomach plate to say to Homer.
"Ewe - it smells like something died in here!" says Homer.
"Not something - some things..."
Fry breaks free and starts roaming around.
"You hold him down, I'll go get the antidote," Amy says. She runs up the ships steps.
"I hope you're happy. Because of you my friend may become a pasture roaming bovine," comment Leela to Homer.
"Well, there is always a downside. But remember - the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. No pun intended. Heh, heh."
"It would probably be better if you shut up now," threatens Leela.
"Okay."
Amy comes running down with both hands full of syringes.
"We go a problem!" she calls out.
"What is it?" asks Leela.
"We never labeled the syringes. I don't know which one is the cure!"
"Son of a gon..." says Fry.
"Bender! Can you run some kind of test to determine which is which?" asks Leela.
"Maybe."
"Here," Amy hands then to Leela and she hands then to him.
"Enie, menie, minie mo, catch a robot by the toe. If he does not compute, then let him go. Enie, menie, minie mo. Oh, what the hell," and he stabs a needle into Fry's back.
"Agh!"
The door to the room Homer's head had been in opens. A light comes on.
"My god! It is gone!" exclaims a man.
"I told you," says the old lady.
"Who would do such a thing?! To release such unspeakably twisted evil upon the Earth and to forever doom a civilization! Do you think Dairy Queen accepts third party digital checks?"
"Beats me."
"Oh well, I guess I can call. You know, we should really put a lock on this," and he turns the light off and closes the door while whistling "What A beautiful Day".
Fry and Homer walk down a street.
"So, how does it feel to have your head in a jar anyway?" asks Fry.
"Oddly comforting. Thought I sometimes have this urge to scream out in horror. How long is this going to take? I'm hungry now. Can't we take a taxi, or something?"
"Well, it is another mile to the restaurant. I guess we could hail a cab..."
"That's the spirit. Ow, ow! Over there!" Homer nods.
"I got it," Fry starts running with Homer in hand. Composer Christopher Tyng does a piece reminiscent of Mission: Impossible.
"Looks like that guy is going to get the cab," says Fry.
"Not if I can help! Do exactly as I say," they run up and Fry listens to Homer talk.
"Excuse me sir, can I have that cab?" asks Fry.
"Gee, let me think ... no," replies the guy.
"You got to! It's an emergency! I need to rush this donor head to the emergency room stat, or else!"
"We all have our problems," the guy climbs into the cab.
"Look! It's that green girl from Star Trek!" yells Homer.
"Where?!" says the guy. He turns to look.
Fry squeezes behind him and pushes the guy away. He lands on his butt.
"So long, looossser!" calls out Homer.
They both laugh at the guy.
"Estrada Avenue please," Fry taps the side of the cab with his hand. the cab doesn't move. They stop laughing as the guy gets up. Fry taps his hand again. The guy rolls up his sleeves and makes fists.
"Agh!!!" cries Homer.
"Hey! Estrada Avenue please!"
The cabbie puts down a Playboy and says, "Oh, sorry," he starts it and they take off.
"Whew! That was close. Did you always live life so excitingly?" asks Fry.
"You mean with total disregard for personal safety and respect for others?"
"Yep," says Fry.
"All the time!"
The cab stops and lowers down.
"That'll be 17.50," says the cabbie.
"17.50?! But we only flew a mile! We will not pay. I say good day to you sir. Pick me up?"
"Oh," and Fry picks the jar up.
The cabbie pulls out a laser pistol.
"I must insist please."
"Ut-oh," says Fry.
"Ut-oh? What do you mean ut-oh?" asks Homer.
"I don't have enough for the cab and Krusty Burger."
"Tih ... owww. Damnit! Ah, ah ... look! Carmen Elektra's head!"
"Huh?!" says the cabbie.
"Where?!" exclaims Fry.
"Run!" calls out Homer.
"Oh, right," he bolts with Homer in hand.
The cabbie looks out his window and says, "I still don't see her. Let me look again for I am sure you are not lying to me ... nope. Are you absolutely sure it was miss Elektra?"
Fry stops running. They have reached Krusty Burger.
"Yes! In your face!" shouts Homer.
"That was so exciting! My friends rarely ever do anything that fantastic. Well, maybe those times we ran from Santa, or the time some alien tried to take my wiener, or the time..."
"Less talk, more food."
They enter the restaurant.
"Hey! Hey! Welcome to Krusty Burger!"
"Huh! Krusty's head! Krusty! Remember me?!" says Homer.
"Sorry buddy."
"We lived in Springfield together! You had a TV show and my kid saved your life and career countless times!"
"Yeah, I'm grateful. Keep moving no-legs."
As soon as Fry and Homer are gone, an assistant standing next to the stand Krusty's head jar is on takes out a pack of cigarettes. She whacks the bottom in her hand, pulls out a loose one, lights it and sticks it in a small porthole on the bottom of the jar and above the name plaque. A couple of tubes lead form it and are embedded in Krusty's neck skin.
"Aaahhhggg..." he exclaims as he takes a drag. Bubbles of air rise out of his mouth and pop in puffs of smoke at the surface of the jar's water.
After a couple minutes in line, they are first to order. A 40th century equivalent of the teenaged nerd seen in The Simpsons, mans the register.
"Welcome to Krusty Burger. May I take your order please?"
"Yeah, I'll have five Krusty Burgers with extra meat, ketchup, pickles, one of those onion rings thingys and a diet coke," replies Homer.
"Gee, I don't know. What are today's specials?" asks Fry.
"What?!" exclaims the surprised employee.
"Homer lets out a grunt, "Nobody asks about the specials. He'll have what I'm having."
"All right. I have ten Krusty Burger specialties, two packs of onion rings and two diet cokes. Will that be all?"
"Well..."
"Yes," Homer cuts Fry off.
"Your total is 28.69."
"Here," Fry hands him some money. The employee runs the dollar through like a credit card and when he hands it back, the dollar denomination has changed.
"Your order will be ready in about ten minutes. Thank you."
They walk off.
"Diane, make one of those water resistant!"
Fry sits down on a levitating seat cushion. It lowers with his weight a tad. He sets Homer's head jar on a head jar booster seat across the table.
"Neat," Fry spins in the hovering seat.
Jets of cleanser spray across their table and then robotic bending arms pop out from under. One has a rag and wipes the table. The other a squeegee. They go back under when done.
"Cool. Hey, check this out," Fry spits on the table and the whole process starts over.
The back door to the kitchen in the restaurant slides open with a "Star Trek" like sound.
"You're late," says the manager.
The guy that just came in and hung his coat turns around. It is the man they screwed over on the taxi.
"Yeah, yeah," he walks to the front to clock in and sees Homer and Fry. He speaks aloud, lowly, "Oh yes ... didn't anyone ever tell you? Revenge is a Krusty dish best served cold ... that may also possibly contain echoli," he walks over to the food preparation area.
"Here, I'll take over. Go take your brake"
"Thanks," says the employee.
The Professor walks into the room.
"Bad news everyone. I just remembered what that head Fry is carrying around did!"
"Is it bad Professor?" asks Leela.
"Extraordinarily so. Back in 2025 Earth made contact for the first time with the alien species known as Rygillians. Though records are hard to come by from the time, since they were mostly wiped out, I recall reading very clearly that this Homer J. Simpson fellow greatly insulted their race in a wild series of events that colminated in him relieving himself on their planets symbol of strength and peace - their flag. For that they raged a terrible was upon are land. And they struck again at a later date. This man is single handedly responsible for the fourth World War!"
"Huh!" Leela and Amy both exclaim at the same time.
"A man after my own heart," says Bender.
"Scruffy's feeling a bit overwhelmed with emotion," Scruffy walks off.
"Does anyone want some tea?" asks the Professor.
Leela stands up, "We got to go warn him!"
The guy at the restaurant takes a small tube from his pants and laces Fry's food.
"Hey, can you take this over to table six?" asks the guy.
"Sure thing," says the employee he asked. The guy puts it on a tray and hands it to the employee. The employee walks to their table. He sets it down, "here you go. Enjoy your meal."
"Thanks," says Fry. He picks the hamburger up and brings it to his lips and stops, "Gosh, you know I've never eaten a Krusty Burger before? First time for everything I guess," he moves the food to his mouth again and stops, "is it any good? I don't want to eat it if it's not. Here goes nothing," he is about to take a bite when he stops yet again and says, "hey, do you think we should save some for..."
"Oh, will you just eat it already?" says an inpatient Homer.
"No problemo," he takes a bite. "Ummm, this is delicious. I could eat two, or three of these things," he proceeds to gobble it up. He sees the guy from the cab. The guy is grinning evilly and rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
"Hey, isn't that that guy we took the cab from?" asks Fry.
"How should I know?" Homer goes back to bobbing for hamburger bits.
Fry takes another bite and chews slowly. The guy's eye's widen with excitement. The guy stares at Fry's burger. Fry looks at him, then the burger and then the guy again. He continues to eat. The guy is transfixed on the burger and jumping up and down.
"I think he wants my hamburger," says Fry.
"Pft - tough luck. Get your own pal!" yells Homer.
Hermes walks into the Planet Express lounge.
"Hey everyone. I thought we could all ... damnit!"
The professor's Planet Express ship lands in the middle of the road on it's struts. The door opens and the steps jut out to the ground. They all come running down the steps. The Professor walks out slowly.
"You forgot to lock the doors damnit! Everyone's in such a hurry these days."
Leela comes running in and exclaims, "Fry!"
"Hey Leela," he replies.
"Are you all right?" she asks.
"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"
"The Professor remembered what your pet head did."
"Owww..." says a worried Homer.
"What?" asks Fry.
"he was single handedly responsible for wiping out most of the human race! He started World War 4!!!"
"Get out of here! This is some kind of joke right? Alan Font is going to appear and tell me I'm on TV right?"
"This is no joke," answers Leela.
"Actually, it is kind of funny. In a perverse inhuman way," says Bender.
"Pft - It's like a bad credit rating - it follows me no matter where I go. All I did was have mass genocide thrust upon the human race. A lot of them deserved it anyway. Come on! It's not that bad! I only did it once!" persuades homer.
"Twice actually," says the Professor.
"Quiet old man," Homer says in a familiar way.
"Gosh, he seems so friendly," responds Fry.
"The bad ones always do," says Leela.
Customers clear out of the restaurant.
"Aw! Come on! he's only talking about dead people! IT happened over 900 years ago! No refunds..." Krusty trails off.
"We contacted museum officials and they agreed to not press charges as long as we return the head," says Leela.
"Can we finish eating first? Today may be his last day as a free head," asks Fry.
"I guess so. Everyone, I guess we're gonna..." she turns around. The Professor is asleep and Amy and Bender are ordering in line.
"You want a Krusty Burger? I saved one just for you."
"That's so sweet. Thank you Fry, but I don't eat take out food until I have screened it for germs. I always use caution after watching Dateline NDBC," she pulls out a small hand held scanning device and a blue laser light shines over the burger. "Huh!!! Fry! Stop eating that hamburger! It has Mad Cow Disease!!!"
"Really? What about this one?" he points to another wrapped one.
"They're all tainted!"
"Raspberries," he starts acting strange. He starts making 'Moo' sounds and crawling on all fours.
"Quickly! We got to get him to the ship so we can administer the antidote! Bender! Get the head!" orders Leela. Amy and Leela then put Fry's arms on their shoulders and walk him over to the ship.
The Professor wakes up and looks around, "Huh?"
"I guess it won't be that bad. I can make MOOney at the Garry Larson museum."
"This mutated string can be permanent if not reversed soon," says Leela.
"What's the worse that could happen?" asks Fry.
"You could turn into a cow!" exclaims Leela.
"Comfy in there?" Bender opens his stomach plate to say to Homer.
"Ewe - it smells like something died in here!" says Homer.
"Not something - some things..."
Fry breaks free and starts roaming around.
"You hold him down, I'll go get the antidote," Amy says. She runs up the ships steps.
"I hope you're happy. Because of you my friend may become a pasture roaming bovine," comment Leela to Homer.
"Well, there is always a downside. But remember - the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. No pun intended. Heh, heh."
"It would probably be better if you shut up now," threatens Leela.
"Okay."
Amy comes running down with both hands full of syringes.
"We go a problem!" she calls out.
"What is it?" asks Leela.
"We never labeled the syringes. I don't know which one is the cure!"
"Son of a gon..." says Fry.
"Bender! Can you run some kind of test to determine which is which?" asks Leela.
"Maybe."
"Here," Amy hands then to Leela and she hands then to him.
"Enie, menie, minie mo, catch a robot by the toe. If he does not compute, then let him go. Enie, menie, minie mo. Oh, what the hell," and he stabs a needle into Fry's back.
"Agh!"