A/N: Don't start reading the chapter just yet! Read this first! There are
some people who don't really understand why I put Shane and Dean back into
this fic. Let me explain:
Rory was scared to admit she had feelings for Jess, she still didn't know
if she wanted to be with him, because he made her lose control. It was only
after he started dating Shane that she realized just how much she loved
him.
And Jess...Jess didn't want to screw Rory up, so he thought it would be a
good idea to create some distance between them. That's why he started
dating Shane. When he saw the effect it had on Rory, and when he saw her
getting back with Dean he realized that this wasn't the solution
either...what he's going to do now? Just read! And review :P
~~
When I arrived at his house he was in his room watching a video. He was happily surprised I was there and tried to hug and kiss me and wanted me to watch the movie together. As soon as I said the familiar words "we need to talk" his face saddened and he stopped the video.
"I knew it..." He stood up and moved away from me, as if I were on fire and he was afraid to burn himself.
"I knew it...how could I have been this stupid...just say it...you just used me..."
I was silent for a while. I didn't know how to explain everything. As soon as I tried to he cut me short.
"Don't...I don't wanna hear how fabulous he is. I'm done being your toyboy Rory Gilmore..."
"Dean...I'm sorry..."
"Too late..."
I stood up, tears stinging in my eyes. "I guess this means we can't be friends either..."
A sad smile appeared on his face. "Rory Gilmore...always the smart one..."
I nodded. "So...I think...I should go now..."
Secretly I hoped for him to turn around and tell me we would be able to become friends in a while...when things didn't hurt so much anymore. I wanted him to tell me I wasn't this awful person I felt to be.
"You know the way to the door"
I took that as my cue to leave and made my way downstairs, trying to hold back the tears that were already staining my shirt.
~~
Did I want to read this? I opened my mailbox and saw a mail from Rory. I didn't know. I was scared I wasn't gonna read the things I wanted to read. But ofcourse I would rather bite my tongue then tell anybody that.
**okay Mariano...whatever is in that mail...you can handle it**
I took a deep breath and opened the mail.
Dear Jess,
I hope you haven't already deleted this mail when you saw it was
coming from me. Well...course if you're reading this you haven't...but
well...yeah.
I had to smile a bit despite the circumstances. This was so...Rory. I was anxious to find out why she emailed me after this long time. Probably to tell me she was back with Dean...and that she wanted us to be friends...
The thing is, I wanted to apologize to you. I know we were friends,
but the past weeks I've definitely not treated you as a friend. The
truth is, I don't want us to be friends.
OK...guess not. She doesn't want us to be friends. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. If she didn't want us to be friends what did she want? Did she want to be more? Or less? I hoped her next lines would explain that.
I'm sorry I avoided you when you got out of the hospital. I don't
really know why I didn't contact you, I guess I was just scared. You
see...when I visited you, I almost said something. But then my mom
came in and spoiled the moment, and I couldn't summon up the courage
to say it again. And somehow I just felt like you didn't feel the
same.
What had she wanted to tell me? I know what I hoped she wanted to tell me...My mind wandered back to that day.
FLASHBACK
"Jess!" She ran into the hospitalroom and stopped right in front of my bed. For a second it seemed like she was going to hug me but she didn't. Maybe she didn't want to cause me any more pain.
"Hey Ror" I smiled and winced with pain. A little cut in the corner of my mouth started bleeding again.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah...what was his deal?" I tried to frown but moaned with pain again. Silently I cursed the guy who was responsible for this.
"We broke up...and I kinda...told him we slept together" She blushed the cutest blush and looked down at her hands.
"Why?"
"Cause he said you would just want me for sex and dump me right after...but he still believes that...cause I kinda didn't tell him that I went to you...I just said it was an accident."
That hurt. An accident. Was that all it was? Something she wanted to forget? Something that never should have happened?
"I'm sorry he broke up with you"
"I broke up with him" She hesitated "and I don't regret it. Jess...I..." She was about to say something when her mother stormed in.
"Coffee!"
FLASHFORWARD
That was how it had happened. I had replayed that moment over and over again in my head. What was she going to say? Was it something her mother couldn't hear and if it was...was it what I hoped it would be? When she ignored me for the following weeks I started thinking about it less and less, until the whole conversation had just dissapeared from my mind.
Ahh...I suck at writing things like this. I just start rambling and
lose my point. So...I guess I'm just gonna say it and leave all the
talking to a later time. If you ever wanna talk to me after this whole
thing again that is.
Did I? Want to talk to her? Part of me wanted it more than anything in the world, but I was hurt. I wasn't used to being rejected...and certainly not for someone like bagboy. She's better have something really good to say to me if I wanted to talk to her again.
I love you.
...............
Okay...she got me speechless for a moment. Or thoughtless...whatever. I reread those three words until the letters started dancing in front of my eyes. She loved me. Guess that qualified for being something really good so I would talk to her. Wow. She really knew how to get to me.
"Jess! Get your butt down here!"
Geeezzz...uncle Luke you really know how to spoil my mood. I grunted something downstairs and put on my clothes. I couldn't walk in there only clad in my boxers now could I? Though it would be funny to see everybody's reaction.
I toyed with this thought for a moment before putting on my shirt and heading downstairs.
~~
There she was. Sitting at the counter. All alone. Her Chilton uniform wasn't that revealing, but thanks to the skirt I could see her amazing legs. The legs I had imagined being wrapped around my hips on more than one occasion.
**Mariano! Get yourself together man...**
I was relieved Shane wasn't anywhere in sight. She was probably working, which gave me some time to talk to Rory. The only problem was...I really didn't know how to start. And I couldn't just blurt something like this out in a crowded diner.
"So...nice book?"
**So...nice book?! How much more like a loser could I possibly sound?!**
She looked up and nodded. Something in her eyes told me she was scared and nervous. She didn't know I had read the email yet, and she wondered why I was making smalltalk if I had.
"You should read it" Her voice was soft.
"I have...and a lot of his other books too..."
"This is the first book I've read..."
I smiled. Now I had a perfect reason to get to talk to her in private.
Slowly I caught her eyes and kept staring into them. "I've got some of his books upstairs...if you want to we can go through them...there are some I know you would love..."
She nodded again...a little smile on her lips. She kept gazing into my eyes until I averted my stare.
"Uncle Luke I'm taking a break..."
Luke started grunting something but I had already dissapeared upstairs. I could hear her following me and fought hard not to look back. If she wanted to talk it was going to be on my terms.
"So..." She sat down on my bed.
"Don't" I pulled her back up so she was standing close to me. Her breathing sped up.
For a moment she expected me to kiss her, but I just pushed her away from me. Her eyes suddenly became full of pain. She thought I was going to reject her.
"You think it's that easy Rory?"
I didn't even know what I was saying. Somehow words flowed out of my mouth, I was unable to control them eventhough I was hurting Rory with them.
"You just say you love me and you expect me to drop everything to come running to you?! Has it ever occurred to you that not everything resolves around you?! I've been so patient...waiting for you while you decided what you wanted to do with your feelings...and then you started to ignore me and I decided to move on...did you expect me to stay and wait for you?!"
Tears started to appear in Rory's eyes but I wasn't finished and tried not to look at her.
"Well I didn't! And what do you expect of me now?! Why would I dump Shane for you?! How do I know you won't just walk away from me again and go straight back to Dean?! I don't even know if you have broken up with him..."
As soon as she started sobbing I knew I had gone too far. Why couldn't I just keep my big mouth shut?! I didn't mean to throw all these accusations at her...God...I hated to see her crying.
I tried to pull her in my arms but she resisted.
"No"
She tried to push me away but I wouldn't listen. I pulled her back in with force and shut my arms around her so she couldn't step back out of my embrace.
"Jess..." Her voice pleaded and her eyes were filled with tears.
"Rory" I responded as softly as I could. My eyes were no longer cold and distant, instead they became warm and clearly showed the love I felt for her.
When my mouth crushed hers her eyes widened in shock for a second. Then we both closed them and surrendered to the sensation of two tongues fighting the rest of our battle.
~~
When I arrived at his house he was in his room watching a video. He was happily surprised I was there and tried to hug and kiss me and wanted me to watch the movie together. As soon as I said the familiar words "we need to talk" his face saddened and he stopped the video.
"I knew it..." He stood up and moved away from me, as if I were on fire and he was afraid to burn himself.
"I knew it...how could I have been this stupid...just say it...you just used me..."
I was silent for a while. I didn't know how to explain everything. As soon as I tried to he cut me short.
"Don't...I don't wanna hear how fabulous he is. I'm done being your toyboy Rory Gilmore..."
"Dean...I'm sorry..."
"Too late..."
I stood up, tears stinging in my eyes. "I guess this means we can't be friends either..."
A sad smile appeared on his face. "Rory Gilmore...always the smart one..."
I nodded. "So...I think...I should go now..."
Secretly I hoped for him to turn around and tell me we would be able to become friends in a while...when things didn't hurt so much anymore. I wanted him to tell me I wasn't this awful person I felt to be.
"You know the way to the door"
I took that as my cue to leave and made my way downstairs, trying to hold back the tears that were already staining my shirt.
~~
Did I want to read this? I opened my mailbox and saw a mail from Rory. I didn't know. I was scared I wasn't gonna read the things I wanted to read. But ofcourse I would rather bite my tongue then tell anybody that.
**okay Mariano...whatever is in that mail...you can handle it**
I took a deep breath and opened the mail.
Dear Jess,
I hope you haven't already deleted this mail when you saw it was
coming from me. Well...course if you're reading this you haven't...but
well...yeah.
I had to smile a bit despite the circumstances. This was so...Rory. I was anxious to find out why she emailed me after this long time. Probably to tell me she was back with Dean...and that she wanted us to be friends...
The thing is, I wanted to apologize to you. I know we were friends,
but the past weeks I've definitely not treated you as a friend. The
truth is, I don't want us to be friends.
OK...guess not. She doesn't want us to be friends. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. If she didn't want us to be friends what did she want? Did she want to be more? Or less? I hoped her next lines would explain that.
I'm sorry I avoided you when you got out of the hospital. I don't
really know why I didn't contact you, I guess I was just scared. You
see...when I visited you, I almost said something. But then my mom
came in and spoiled the moment, and I couldn't summon up the courage
to say it again. And somehow I just felt like you didn't feel the
same.
What had she wanted to tell me? I know what I hoped she wanted to tell me...My mind wandered back to that day.
FLASHBACK
"Jess!" She ran into the hospitalroom and stopped right in front of my bed. For a second it seemed like she was going to hug me but she didn't. Maybe she didn't want to cause me any more pain.
"Hey Ror" I smiled and winced with pain. A little cut in the corner of my mouth started bleeding again.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah...what was his deal?" I tried to frown but moaned with pain again. Silently I cursed the guy who was responsible for this.
"We broke up...and I kinda...told him we slept together" She blushed the cutest blush and looked down at her hands.
"Why?"
"Cause he said you would just want me for sex and dump me right after...but he still believes that...cause I kinda didn't tell him that I went to you...I just said it was an accident."
That hurt. An accident. Was that all it was? Something she wanted to forget? Something that never should have happened?
"I'm sorry he broke up with you"
"I broke up with him" She hesitated "and I don't regret it. Jess...I..." She was about to say something when her mother stormed in.
"Coffee!"
FLASHFORWARD
That was how it had happened. I had replayed that moment over and over again in my head. What was she going to say? Was it something her mother couldn't hear and if it was...was it what I hoped it would be? When she ignored me for the following weeks I started thinking about it less and less, until the whole conversation had just dissapeared from my mind.
Ahh...I suck at writing things like this. I just start rambling and
lose my point. So...I guess I'm just gonna say it and leave all the
talking to a later time. If you ever wanna talk to me after this whole
thing again that is.
Did I? Want to talk to her? Part of me wanted it more than anything in the world, but I was hurt. I wasn't used to being rejected...and certainly not for someone like bagboy. She's better have something really good to say to me if I wanted to talk to her again.
I love you.
...............
Okay...she got me speechless for a moment. Or thoughtless...whatever. I reread those three words until the letters started dancing in front of my eyes. She loved me. Guess that qualified for being something really good so I would talk to her. Wow. She really knew how to get to me.
"Jess! Get your butt down here!"
Geeezzz...uncle Luke you really know how to spoil my mood. I grunted something downstairs and put on my clothes. I couldn't walk in there only clad in my boxers now could I? Though it would be funny to see everybody's reaction.
I toyed with this thought for a moment before putting on my shirt and heading downstairs.
~~
There she was. Sitting at the counter. All alone. Her Chilton uniform wasn't that revealing, but thanks to the skirt I could see her amazing legs. The legs I had imagined being wrapped around my hips on more than one occasion.
**Mariano! Get yourself together man...**
I was relieved Shane wasn't anywhere in sight. She was probably working, which gave me some time to talk to Rory. The only problem was...I really didn't know how to start. And I couldn't just blurt something like this out in a crowded diner.
"So...nice book?"
**So...nice book?! How much more like a loser could I possibly sound?!**
She looked up and nodded. Something in her eyes told me she was scared and nervous. She didn't know I had read the email yet, and she wondered why I was making smalltalk if I had.
"You should read it" Her voice was soft.
"I have...and a lot of his other books too..."
"This is the first book I've read..."
I smiled. Now I had a perfect reason to get to talk to her in private.
Slowly I caught her eyes and kept staring into them. "I've got some of his books upstairs...if you want to we can go through them...there are some I know you would love..."
She nodded again...a little smile on her lips. She kept gazing into my eyes until I averted my stare.
"Uncle Luke I'm taking a break..."
Luke started grunting something but I had already dissapeared upstairs. I could hear her following me and fought hard not to look back. If she wanted to talk it was going to be on my terms.
"So..." She sat down on my bed.
"Don't" I pulled her back up so she was standing close to me. Her breathing sped up.
For a moment she expected me to kiss her, but I just pushed her away from me. Her eyes suddenly became full of pain. She thought I was going to reject her.
"You think it's that easy Rory?"
I didn't even know what I was saying. Somehow words flowed out of my mouth, I was unable to control them eventhough I was hurting Rory with them.
"You just say you love me and you expect me to drop everything to come running to you?! Has it ever occurred to you that not everything resolves around you?! I've been so patient...waiting for you while you decided what you wanted to do with your feelings...and then you started to ignore me and I decided to move on...did you expect me to stay and wait for you?!"
Tears started to appear in Rory's eyes but I wasn't finished and tried not to look at her.
"Well I didn't! And what do you expect of me now?! Why would I dump Shane for you?! How do I know you won't just walk away from me again and go straight back to Dean?! I don't even know if you have broken up with him..."
As soon as she started sobbing I knew I had gone too far. Why couldn't I just keep my big mouth shut?! I didn't mean to throw all these accusations at her...God...I hated to see her crying.
I tried to pull her in my arms but she resisted.
"No"
She tried to push me away but I wouldn't listen. I pulled her back in with force and shut my arms around her so she couldn't step back out of my embrace.
"Jess..." Her voice pleaded and her eyes were filled with tears.
"Rory" I responded as softly as I could. My eyes were no longer cold and distant, instead they became warm and clearly showed the love I felt for her.
When my mouth crushed hers her eyes widened in shock for a second. Then we both closed them and surrendered to the sensation of two tongues fighting the rest of our battle.