A/N Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed.
I hope you enjoy this chapter. It was a much happier one to right than the last one.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from this story it all belongs to Tolkien
ESTEL/ESTEL
Legolas sat silently for a few hours just enjoying the fact that his love and his child were both safe. Estel had nearly chosen to abort her out of some misguided notion that she would be better off never being born. Legolas hated to say it, but a decision like that showed just how young and inexperienced Estel was. The Ranger had yet to learn his own value. He had grown up in a home full of elves, who must have seemed almost perfect to him. Measured against that standard it was no wonder Estel often saw himself has being unworthy of many of the things he gave so willingly to others, most importantly love. It truly hurt Legolas to see Estel think that their daughter would be better off without him. Legolas would make Estel see his mistake. He would convince the young human that even though Estel was not perfect, he was still deserving of love and a family.
Legolas pondered on how exactly he would do this, when he heard Estel gasp and saw him curl tightly around his stomach. The Ranger was biting his lip to stop from crying out. Legolas wasted no time in questioning whether Estel was all right, but rather he sprinted down the hallway to Lord Elrond's chambers. He forcefully dragged the elder elf back to his son's room while explaining what was happening.
When Elrond reached the room, Estel had relaxed and was sitting up in bed panting slightly. "Estel, how are you feeling?" Elrond guessed that it was nothing serious. Estel had barely taken enough of the root to cause any problems, and he had taken the antidote soon after. He reckoned that Estel was just experiencing some rather painful, but harmless, cramps.
"Ok now, but earlier I felt like someone was trying to tear my insides out." Estel did not seem to notice Legolas.
Elrond smiled at Estel and told him to lie down on his back and relax. Estel obliged. Once he was relaxed, Elrond placed his slender hand on Estel's lower stomach and concentrated. He found nothing amiss. However a short time later another cramp hit Estel and he nearly doubled over with the pain of it. Elrond placed his other hand on Estel's forehead. Partly to calm the young human and partly to get him to lay flat so he could feel how the muscles were contracting. It was just how the half elf had suspected. The cramping was not affecting enough muscles to actually begin the process of labour and they did not last very long. He told the worried Ranger as much. "Do not worry. I know it feels rather unpleasant, but it is harmless. In a few hours the cramping should stop completely."
"But she is safe and OK?" Estel was still worried and feeling rather guilty about what he had almost done.
"Yes, my child, she is just fine. Happily sleeping inside of you. She does not even realize what is going on. One day you can tell her all about this." Elrond tried to ease some of Estel's fear.
"Tell her what that I tried to kill her? That I wasn't a good enough person to be happy about her coming? That I went against the wishes of everyone and she nearly paid the price?" Elrond had to intervene before Estel worked himself up to full fledged hysterics.
"Estel, my child, please stop blaming yourself. You made a bad choice, but you stopped it. I guarantee that you will make many more before you die. That is what is so difficult about parenting; that you make mistakes and often times your children pay for them. Now stop worrying and try to rest. If you cannot I will stay with you and keep you company until you feel better." Elrond patted Estel's tummy for emphasis.
"I will stay with him." Legolas had been watching from the shadowy corner by the hearth. He had not realized he had been holding his breath until the famous half elvin healer had proclaimed Estel and the child would survive. Then he had nearly cried listening to the way Estel talked about himself. Was that not exactly what he had been thinking about earlier? Then Lord Elrond had made the statement about parents making mistakes. Both he and Estel were in awkward positions when it came to parents. Having Kings, even though Lord Elrond would never allow himself to be known by that title out of respect for his foster father High King Gil-Galand, who were thought to never make mistakes has parents, made the princes feel as if they could do nothing right. Legolas did not realized that he too fell pray to the same feelings of inadequacy as Estel, only Legolas's were caused by his father while Estel's father fought valiantly to help him.
Estel jumped when he realized that Legolas was there. He was afraid to face the elf just yet. He was terrified of what his best friend would say to him. Would Legolas say that he was disgusted with Estel and never wanted to see him or their child again? Would he simply leave, never to return? Or maybe he would just remind Estel how weak, selfish, and useless he was just like his famous ancestor? Estel wished he could find some way to beg his father to stay without making it look like he was. But before he could think up anything, another cramp hit him and this one did actually double him over. However, it was soon over and Estel found himself looking up into the very concerned eyes of his best friend.
"Very well. If anything changes come and
get me. If not, I will check on you
later this morning. I want you to stay
in bed all day. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, Ada." Estel didn't really think he would want to get out of bed considering the way he was feeling right now, but he would humour his foster father into thinking that being forced to stay in bed was a sort of punishment.
"Goodnight, my child. Rest well." Elrond gave Estel's arm a supportive squeeze before he got up to leave. He knew that Legolas and his child had a great deal to discuss and he hoped they could find a way to forgive each other. Something like this would never happen in an Elvin marriage, especially once there was a child. Elvin couples tended to share themselves mind body and soul with their mates. Humans on the other hand could not really do that. But then again Estel did seem to have a great deal of elvin traits that had skipped his father, so maybe the two would see that in hurting the other they were really just hurting themselves.
After Elrond left, Estel was afraid to look at Legolas. He could not bear to see hatred in those blue eyes. Estel fancied he knew what Legolas was thinking. He guessed the elf was going to yell at him, telling him what a horrible, weak, selfish, murdering, whore he was. Because Estel figured if he slept with the first person he found when he was drunk, then he must be a whore as well. The young human wished there was a way he could apologize to Legolas so that his friend would no longer hate him, but he could not think of one. Out of the corner of his eye Estel saw Legolas's hand come towards him. Estel shrunk away from the touch; half fearing the elf would strike him and half fearing an embrace. He deserved to be struck but Estel did not think he deserved to be comforted in any way after what he had done.
"Estel?" Legolas's voice was soft as he reached out to touch his friend. He had hoped after everything which had happened the previous day, that Estel would permit him a small touch. He had just wanted to offer some comfort to the distressed human. However, as soon as Estel had seen Legolas's hand come near him he had pulled away. Apparently Estel still did not trust him. Legolas let his hand drop just as he lowered his head to hide the hurt look on his face. He could not let Estel see how much his rejection hurt, so the elf rose and walked to the fire with his back to the prostrate human.
Estel finally worked up the courage to look up at Legolas, but the elf now had his back to the Ranger. Legolas could not stand to even look at him after what he had done. It was the last straw. Estel began to cry and apologize all at once; hoping and praying Legolas would listen to him. "I am sorry. I am so sorry, Legolas. I didn't mean it. I don't want to hurt her please forgive me. I don't think you are a rapist or selfish. I was being selfish." Estel was crying so hard now he was almost impossible to understand. "And you were right I was being hormonal and I am as weak and useless as Isildur. Please don't be angry with me. Please don't hate me. Don't leave me. I don't know if I can do this alone." Estel was so distraught he could no longer form words. All he could do was sob.
Legolas had a hard time deciphering everything Estel said, but he got the gist of it. He was no longer mad at Estel, if he even ever had been. He had been hurt and upset and wanted Estel to know, so he had said many things he had regretted. He could not stand the heartbroken way his love was weeping. All he wanted to do was gather Estel in his arms and kiss each crystal tear that ran down the Ranger's cheeks. To stroke his fingers through Estel's beautiful hair and to let Estel rest against this chest drawing strength from him and listening to his peaceful heartbeat until the human calmed down. But Estel had made it quite clear just a few minutes earlier that he would not tolerate Legolas's touch no matter how upset he was.
Estel cried harder than he had ever cried before. Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that he had had a few more cramps, but they were nothing compared to the pain he felt in his heart. He did not know what he would do if Legolas would not forgive him. He was not strong enough to go through this on his own. He knew he would have his father and his brother, but they were not the same as his best friend. He didn't know why it was so important to him to have Legolas with him, it just was. He wished that Legolas would hold him and give him a shoulder to cry on. Crying while hugging a pillow was not nearly as satisfying. At the very least he wished the elf would hold his hand. Any type of physical contact would be good, the more the better. Estel felt so alone right now he just needed someone to remind him he wouldn't be that way forever. But Legolas stayed back watching him. Estel figured his display must have disgusted the calm, cool elf. After all, he had never seen Legolas cry. Estel curled even tighter around the pillow he was holding and tried to stop crying, but the best he could do was quiet whimpering.
Legolas was not made of stone. When he heard the pathetic whimper Estel made he returned to his side. Who cared if Estel saw that he was hurt? Estel had just cried in front of him and begged him to stay. It would not kill the normally reserved elf to show a little weakness.
Legolas sat down in the chair beside Estel's bed and spoke in a soft soothing tone. He hoped it was enough to calm him, or Legolas may have to go and get Elrond. One of Estel's elegant hands was clutching a pillow in a death grip very close to where Legolas had rested his own hands. In Legolas's mind that hand was screaming to be held, but he would not risk upsetting the Ranger any worse. "Estel, do not cry any more. Everything will be alright."
"It's not alright. You hate me." Estel's voice was rough from crying and quivered with every word.
"No, I don't hate you my friend. I was upset with you, but I do not hate you." Legolas smiled. It was getting harder and harder for him not to reach out and take that hand. Estel had even moved it closer to his.
"How could you not hate me? I said terrible things to you, but I didn't mean them. And I was being hormonal." Estel's voice broke on the last word and he started to cry again.
"Shh, please don't cry. I forgive you. I know you did not mean what you said any more than I meant what I said to you."
"But you were right, and I was wrong."
"I was not right. You are strong, Estel, stronger than you know. I would not have the strength to do what you are doing." Legolas gave Estel and encouraging smile and pulled his hands into his lap to prevent himself from touching the human. "Nor did I mean any of the other things I said yesterday."
"So you are not going to leave me?" Estel sniffled as he talked.
"Never. I will stay until you throw me out of Imladris kicking and screaming. We did this together, my friend, and we will get through it together." Legolas could not stand it anymore and he softly caressed Estel's hand. Much to his surprise Estel grasped his hand in an almost desperate grip.
"Thank you. I couldn't do this alone. I am so scared, Legolas. I want everything to work out right, but I don't know how to do that." Estel was thankful that Legolas finally touched and he had no intention of letting go. He needed that contact more than he could explain. It was almost as if there was some primal urge that only Legolas's touch could fulfill.
"Don't worry, love, there is nothing to be scared of. "
"Your father." Legolas had to admit that Estel had him there. Both they, and just about everyone else in Rivendell, were dreading the arrival of King Thranduil.
"True, but there is nothing you can do about it, so do not worry. Things will work out how the Valar deem them, not how we choose, so sit back and concentrate on having a healthy little efling." Legolas could not help smiling when he talked about his daughter. Estel had finally stopped crying and the two sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments.
"Legolas, did you really not mean anything you said yesterday?" Estel questioned.
"Nope, nothing." Legolas had hoped he had convinced Estel that he did not hate the human.
"Oh" Estel sounded disappointed.
"Why?" Legolas was confused. He would have to get a score sheet to keep up with the human's mood swings, but he would never, ever, tell Estel he was being hormonal again.
"Nothing, you just said you would ask the cooks to make ice cream and that sounded really good." Legolas beamed at Estel. If, of all of the things that Legolas had said yesterday the one that had stuck the most was ice cream, then he was lucky.
"Then I will ask them first thing in the morning. What flavour would you like?"
"Chocolate." Now it was Estel's turn to beam.
"Ok, chocolate it is."
"With cherries."
"Ok, whatever you want."
"And strawberries and bananas."
"Sure." This was starting to sound kind of gross, but fruit is good in ice cream the sylvan elf thought.
"With almonds and pretzels." That sounded very good to Estel indeed. All he needed to do was throw in a big glass of orange juice and he would be thrilled.
"Estel! That is disgusting." Legolas was laughing at the crestfallen look on the human's face.
"But you told me I could have any flavour I wanted."
"I know, but that is not even edible. Next thing you will want to add pickles." Estel smiled, a pickle did sound good right now too.
"No pickles, but raisins."
"Yuck. You can't be serious."
"Popcorn?"
"EWW!" The two laughed for a few more hours before Estel drifted off to sleep with Legolas still holding his hand.
A few weeks later Estel sleepily lazed in bed just before dawn. He rolled from his left side onto his stomach and felt something pushing uncomfortably against his insides. He drowsily tugged at the blankets assuming they were crumpled up under his belly, but then he realized that he had mostly kicked them to the end of the bed during the rather warm July night. All at once the young Ranger came awake and rolled over onto his back. With trembling hands he moved his sleeping pants, pulling the shirt open, and looked. There was no denying it and there was no talking himself out of it like he had managed to do for the last week. He was starting to show. His once beautiful flat stomach now stuck out past his hipbones and had a definite bulge just below his waste. Estel sighed and rested his hand on the lump.
Estel guessed it was about time. He was over 17 weeks along and should be showing by now. In fact, according to the book Elrond had given him, he should have been showing a month ago. But then again, the book also said he should not have felt sick at all this last month either. He had been worried about his lack of a belly and gone to see his father about it. Elrond had patiently explained, for what seemed like the hundredth time, that Estel was not fully human and neither was his daughter. His pregnancy would most likely last for closer to a year than nine months. Therefore it was only natural that he would progress slower than a normal human mother.
It was so much easier to just pretend that nothing was happening when there was no outward sign that he was pregnant. Almost no one in Imladris knew except for the close family. Even though Estel had mostly come to terms with being a parent, he was still very shy and embarrassed about being pregnant. This was just not the type of thing that a young man was good at dealing with. But he guessed he still had a few more weeks to worry about how to tell everyone. He could hide behind baggy shirts and breeches for now. He really just looked like he was putting on weight and had a slight pooch in his stomach, rather than actually being pregnant. He was still demoralized though.
The morning sun slowly crept its way into Estel's room and he realized he should get up. He sat up and was hit by a slight feeling of lightheadedness. Estel covered his face and groaned. It wasn't fair. Why did he have to be fat and sick at the same time? He could feel his stomach start to protest and grabbed a piece of way-bread from his side table. Under Elrond's advisement he had started keeping something to eat beside his bed to try and combat his nausea. As he munched on the tasteless bread, he reflected that his father had been right all along. If he kept something in his stomach he usually didn't feel nearly as bad. When he didn't eat he started to feel dizzy, his hands shook and his head hurt which just made the ever present queasiness worse.
After eating a few bites of bread and drinking some water he felt well enough to get up. Estel still tended to move very slowly in the mornings even though lately he felt far better than he had in the first few months. However, he still felt anything but fine. He looked down at his sink as the bathtub filled and fingered one of the sprigs of mint the staff kept in his bathing room for him. One old wives' tale said that the smell of mint would get rid of pregnancy sickness, but Estel just used it to help get rid of the nasty tastes.
Estel soaked in the tub, putting off washing his hair for as long as he could. He hated the feeling of wet hair on his back. He didn't understand how his father, his brother, and Legolas could was their hair and have it be perfect and dry ten minutes later, when it took him twenty minutes just to comb his out. He would have lopped it off except he promised Legolas that he wouldn't.
Finally he emerged from the warm bath slightly refreshed and really pruney. He stopped in front of his full-length mirror and looked at himself. When he faced front you could not see any difference, but when he turned sideways there was a very pronounced bulge. Even sucking in didn't get rid of it. "Well sweetie, I will never understand how you have managed to make me loose fifteen pounds yet still look fat all a the same time." Estel patted his new belly as he talked. He decided that he would find a very baggy shirt and tunic to wear.
Two weeks later Estel flopped down on an old blanket under a large shade tree. He automatically tugged at his shirt to smooth it out over his bulging stomach. He wished now that he had not removed his tunic. Legolas joined him after having collected the arrows they had been practicing with. Legolas sat with his back against the tree trunk and his legs stretched out in front of him as he examined the arrows. Estel had an almost uncontrollable urge to curl up in the elf's lap. "Where had that come from?" the young human thought.
Once Legolas had finished with the arrows he began to unpack the picnic basket he had brought. He figured that he and Estel could have a nice picnic by the river after their archery lesson. Estel had done very well, but seemed to be loosing focus near the end and his hands were shaking, so Legolas had called a halt for lunch. Legolas had brought several very yummy things he thought the Ranger would like, such as pheasant, cheese, grapes, strawberries, raisin cookies, and fish. He was so happy Estel seemed to be getting his appetite back, though the human still looked painfully thin. Legolas stacked all of these treats plus a few more onto a plate and handed it to Estel. Estel curled his legs up to his chest and ignored him.
"Estel, flies will get in your lunch." Legolas tried to get the human to take his plate. Legolas was hungry and wanted to eat.
"I am not hungry." Estel slid the plate back towards Legolas and closed his eyes.
"How can you not be hungry, you haven't eaten since breakfast. Now eat your food."
"No." Estel was staring wide eyed at the white meaty flesh of the fish. Legolas could see the young Ranger start to turn a little green around the gills and immediately moved the plate. After the last few months he had learned to recognize that look.
"I brought some bread, perhaps you can manage that?" Legolas offered a piece of very innocuous bread to Estel.
"Not right now. Maybe later." Estel was starting to look worse.
"Why don't you try and lie down and rest for a bit, then maybe you will feel like eating?" Legolas patted the empty space next to him as he handed the Ranger his rolled up tunic to use as a pillow.
Estel did not answer, but simply curled onto his side and tried to ignore his churning stomach and Legolas's growling one. He wished Legolas would hug him or something. He was having a rather strong desire to be touched by the elf for some reason. Legolas had not touched him since the night he had almost had an abortion. Estel had found such peace in that touch that he wanted more, but Legolas seemed to treat him like he was a leper. The thought of lepers made his mouth water and his stomach turn over dangerously. But luckily Legolas had started singing to him. The soft haunting melody quickly began to lull the human to sleep.
Legolas could see that Estel was really not feeling well, so he had started to sing to the young human in hopes it would help sooth him. He had been right. Once Estel was asleep, Legolas wolfed down his food and some of Estel's. After he was done eating he turned his attention back to Estel. The human had rolled over onto his back with one hand behind his head and the other on his stomach just below his ribcage. Estel wore only a soft linen shirt and it allowed Legolas to see the lump in human's belly for the first time. Legolas could not believe it. This was the first outward sign that Estel was carrying his child. Legolas wished he could take a better look. He knelt over the sleeping human, but could see no better, then the lied down on his own stomach so he was eye level. There he could definitely see the difference.
After an hour of bobbing up and down looking at Estel from all different angles, Legolas finally reached out his hand and let his fingers brush over Estel's tummy with a feather soft touch. However before he could pull his hand away, Estel caught him. The elf felt the human guide his hand under Estel's shirt and breeches to the bare skin of his stomach. Legolas wished he could record this moment forever. The first time he was really able to touch his daughter.
Legolas softly ran his fingers up and down along the Ranger's tummy. Estel giggled. "That tickles, silly elf." Legolas was too in awe to care that he had just been called silly. The two sat like that for some time into the afternoon. Legolas in awe that he could finally see some sign of his daughter, and Estel happy that he finally had some physical contact.
Contrary to what Estel had hoped, the appearance of his belly did not negate his sickness completely. One night he had awoken for the sole purpose of being ill. He had been unable to hold down his way-bread the next morning. Had not eaten or drunk anything at breakfast. He had eaten at lunch but then lost it a few short minutes later. He had not even made the effort of attending dinner and threatened the elf who brought him a plate of food with bodily harm if he did not immediately remove it from his presence. That night he was unable to hold down even water. By the next morning he felt like death warmed over. He waived off breakfast and lunch.
Legolas found him early the next afternoon on a chase lounge, laying on his side, with both arms curled around is stomach, looking absolutely miserable. The young human was pale, his lips were dry and cracked, and under his eyes were as dark as bruises. It was then that Legolas realized that the human had not come into the dining room all day. He knelt down in front of the human and stroked his hair back from his face.
"Estel, love, are you well?" Legolas already knew the human was quite unwell, but he really didn't know what else to say. He was just trying to figure out whether he should get Lord Elrond or not.
"No." Estel did not unclench his teeth when he talked.
"What is wrong then?" He could see tense lines of discomfort on Estel's face.
"I need to throw up."
"So why don't you then?"
"Privy is too far away. If I stand up I will pass out or throw up on the carpet. Then Ada will be mad at me."
"I see. Well, what can I do to help? Maybe I can carry you to the privy." Legolas made to pick up the ill human and Estel groaned weakly, batting him away.
"No, get a bucket." Legolas again stroked Estel's hair and tried to figure out whether he should comply and get a basin, or just go get the Lord of Imladris. "Please, now." Estel's voice was almost a whine, and Legolas had no choice but to comply, even if only to save the very elegant carpets.
Legolas quickly returned and placed the basin on the floor in front of Estel. The Ranger wasted no time taking advantage of it and retched up bile and mucus. Soon after he started to painfully dry heave and Legolas started to feel sick just watching him. Legolas had also thought that these days were behind them, but apparently he was wrong. Through all of this, Estel never even bothered to sit up; rather he just hung his head over the side of the chase lounge. Legolas was beginning to worry.
When Estel finally finished, Legolas took the basin to the nearest privy to dispose of it. He returned to find Estel on all fours on the floor looking ghostly pale. "Estel, what are you doing?" Legolas sprinted to his love's side and helped him back up onto the lounge. A split second after sitting down, the Ranger tried to lie back down cradling his pounding head in his shaking hands.
"Trying to get up."
"Why?"
"I just want to go back to bed." Estel sounded like he was on the verge of tears. Legolas quickly scooped the human up in his arms and swiftly carried him down the corridors to his room. Estel would have protested, but he felt too weak and miserable. He just wrapped his arms around the elf's slender neck and closed his eyes because the swirling patterns on the carpet were making him nauseous as Legolas sped past them.
Soon the elf deposited Estel on his bed. The elf quickly pulled a large bowl out from under the bed, Elrond had kept it in Estel's room for just such emergencies, and filled it part way with water. He then helped Estel undress, never once thinking about anything impure. Well, maybe once. Finally he got the young human some water. Estel happily took the glass, trying to fight his body's natural urge to gulp it down. He took a few sips, drinking maybe a quarter of the glass. However no sooner had he settled down, than the water came back up. Legolas rubbed Estel's back through his illness trying to find some way to help.
When Estel was finished, Legolas cleaned the bowl and returned to sit on the bed next to Estel. "Are you felling better?" He rubbed his hand up and down on the Ranger's leg. Estel was curled on his side again holding his stomach.
"No." Estel sounded like he was on the verge of tears. "I keep feeling like I need to throw up, but there is nothing inside of me. And the room won't quit spinning and my head is pounding." Legolas saw a tear slide from under Estel's closed lid.
"Shall I get your father?"
"No, there is nothing he can do. Nothing helps." Legolas saw a second tear. He began to sing hoping Estel would fall asleep and be free from his misery. Luckily it worked for a while. The young human drifted off into a restless sleep for an hour or two. Legolas sat beside him keeping vigil in case he was needed.
Much sooner than Legolas had hoped, Estel awoke looking decidedly unwell. The young human sat up quickly and started to try and get out of bed, when he was slammed back down by overpowering dizziness. His sleep addled mind was unable to concentrate enough to realize that there was a basin beside his bed. So he simply hurled onto his sheets just before another round of drive heaving that doubled him over.
Legolas was shocked to say the least. He had hoped a nap would make the Ranger fell better, but he had been wrong. If anything, Estel looked worse than when he went to bed. When Estel finally got control of himself he fell back against the pillows panting. Legolas stroked errant strands of hair back off of the human's damp forehead. He was slightly clammy to the touch.
"Estel, is there anything I can get you?" Legolas wanted to cry watching his love. He couldn't understand how something as wonderful as having a child could make Estel so miserable.
"Water." Estel did not move at all when he talked.
Legolas quickly fetched a fresh glass of water and handed it to the Ranger. Estel's hands were shaking so badly he was unable to hold the glass and sloshed water all over the sheets and himself. Legolas reached out and steadied the cup so the Ranger could drink from it. Estel took three small sips of the water before he felt it start to come back up. This time Legolas was ready with the basin so that the sheets would get no more ill treatment.
"This seems worse than usual; let me go get your father." Legolas left to go and find Lord Elrond; partly to help Estel and partly to get away from him. It was harder than he could explain to watch his love be that ill and have there be nothing he could do to help. The half elf was locked up with his advisors, and Legolas didn't think he should disturb him, so he returned to Estel's room. Estel was curled in a tight ball on is side with his eyes clamped shut.
"I couldn't find your father. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"I don't think so. You can leave if you want. Dinner should be ready soon; I know how you like duck." Estel did not open his eyes or move one millimeter while he talked.
"How do you know we are having duck? Don't tell me you went by the kitchen." Legolas teased hoping to get his friend to relax.
"Can't you smell it? Duck with onions and garlic and" Estel could say no more as another round of dry heaves took him. As he wretched he could feel blood vessels in his throat tear and start to bleed. It hurt badly and was Estel decided dry heaving was the single most unpleasant feeling in the world.
When he finished he could feel Legolas pull him over so his head was resting in the elf's lap. Legolas stroked his hair and rubbed his temples. It was very relaxing. It helped Estel doze for the next few hours in between his illness.
As the sun set, Legolas became even more worried. Estel was so ill and weak he could barely sit up. He was vomiting up what looked like blood, and seemed to be unable to hold down even water. Legolas could see white scum at the corners of the human's mouth and that his lips stuck to his teeth. Legolas decided he would find Lord Elrond and force him to come even if it meant incurring the elder's wrath.
As Legolas got up, Estel questioned him. "Where are you going?" Estel's voice sounded horse, weak and slightly whiney.
"To find your father, there has to be something he can do for you." Estel looked sad. "I will be back in a minute." Legolas smiled encouragingly at the Ranger as he closed the door.
Much as Legolas had figured, the Lord was angry. Not for being interrupted, but for not being told immediately that Estel was so ill. Estel was in exactly the same position he had been in when Legolas returned. Elrond rushed over and sat on the side of the bed. Legolas sat in the chair beside the bed.
"Legolas tells me you are not feeling well?" Elrond kept his voice light even though his brow was knit with worry.
"No."
"What troubles you?" Elrond ran his hand over Estel's forehead feeling for a raised temperature and took his pulse with the other hand.
"I don't feel well."
"Could you be more specific, sweetheart?" Elrond felt the glands under Estel's chin for enlargement.
"I can't stop getting sick. I feel so nauseous that I keep wanting to throw up, but there is nothing left in my stomach. I can't even hold down water. And, the room is spinning really, really fast. My throat hurts and my hands won't quit shaking. I am thirsty, but every time I drink it just come right back up." Estel was almost in tears as he explained his woes to his father. Elrond continued to examine Estel as he spoke. He palpated the young human's stomach in search of obstructions. Nothing seemed to be amiss.
"When was the last time you ate?"
"The last time I tried to eat or the last time I held food down?"
"Held any food down?"
"The day before yesterday, lunch I guess." Estel flinched as Elrond hit a tender spot on his tummy. It appeared he pulled a muscle.
"That long ago. I thought you had dinner with us."
"I did, but I threw it back up a few hours later." Estel looked ashamed by his weakness. Elrond patted him on his growing lower belly to let him know that whatever he said would be go unpunished.
"What about liquids?"
"Yesterday morning I think." Elrond had not realized it had been that long. They were in the middle of a rather pronounced heat wave, and Estel needed to stay hydrated. Over twenty-four hours would be a long time anyway, but coupled with the heat the situation could be dangerous for both mother and daughter.
Elrond looked down Estel's throat and saw that the lining of it was torn and ragged looking from abuse. He could also see ulcers on Estel's tongue caused by repeated exposure to gastric acid. They looked painful.
"Well, the first order of business is to get you some liquid. I will have the cooks find you some ice to suck on. That should help your throat and not cause you anymore nausea. I found an old reference to a tea that might help you. I shall also have that prepared. Meanwhile, try to relax." Elrond had to find some way to rehydrate Estel or there would be some serious problems. He also could tell that Estel needed to get some food and fast. The poor human was showing every classic symptom of low blood sugar, from shaking hands to pounding headache and rapid pulse. All of these symptoms added together meant that the baby was not getting what she needed.
In the beginning of his pregnancy, Estel had been very ill, but his daughter's needs were minimal. But now she was much more demanding in the amount of nutrition and liquid that she required. If Estel were not providing these things to her, she would simply take them from him until he had nothing left to give. Elrond feared the human was rapidly approaching that point.
Elrond left the room and Legolas followed. "How is he?"
"Not good. He is very dehydrated and needs food."
"Will he be alright?"
"If we can get some liquids into him, and some food, then he will."
"What is wrong with him?"
"Just a very violent bought of pregnancy illness. She is more demanding on him now, so he is not as able to cope with it."
"Is she going to be fine as well?" Legolas feared the Elder's response.
"Yes, she will be fine if we can get him back on is feet. Now go keep him company till I get back." Elrond placed a gentle hand on Legolas's shoulder and gave him a squeeze of reassurance. It was the first kindly touch he had given the elf since they had found out Estel was pregnant.
Elrond returned soon with a large bowl of ice and a kettle of water he set to boil in Estel's fireplace. Estel did fine sucking on the ice cubes, even though they froze his teeth. Elrond then prepared a strong tea made with ginger and peppermint. He hoped they would combat Estel's nausea. There are many herbs that work against nausea, but few were safe to use during pregnancy. These two he could find no ill effects for, so he hoped they would help.
Estel sipped the tea and made a face at the taste. He took a few more small drinks before he felt it come back up. Elrond was disappointed, but decided they would just try again. It took three tries before he was finally able to hold any of the tea down. However, once he did the herbs began to work their magic and sooth his stomach. Within a few hours he was even able to eat a small piece of bread. It was a great triumph to everyone in the room.
By midnight, Estel was exhausted so Elrond told him to rest for a few hours. The elder elf took the chair beside the bed forcing Legolas to sit on the floor. Even though Elrond told him to leave and go to bed, Legolas stayed on the hard, stone floor for several hours, gently holding Estel's hand. Finally Elrond took pity on him and retrieved another plush chair from another room so Legolas could have somewhere more comfortable to sit. The Lord of Imladris could not help but notice the way Estel reached out for Legolas's hand when the elf was forced to let go. It appeared that the bond between them had grown greatly in the last few months.
Estel spent the next day and most of the second in bed before is father would allow him to move around. He felt much better and was actually rather hungry, but Elrond was emphatic that he stay where he was. It wasn't so bad though, Legolas stayed with him the whole time. The elf only left his side to retrieve food, or at one point to make a desperate request for potatoes to be prepared. Legolas found it amusing that Estel was starting to get strange craving, but Estel didn't find potatoes that strange.
On one such excursion of the elf's, Estel ran out of water in his bedside pitcher so he went to go and refill it. It felt good to get up and move. Being stuck in bed that long, with limited ways to recline, was giving him a vicious back ache. As he reluctantly headed back to bed, Legolas walked in.
"What are you doing out of bed?" The elf snapped at Estel, who was startled, spilled a good deal of water on his sleeping pants.
"I just wanted a drink. You don't have to yell at me." Estel pouted. Legolas was turning into as much of a watchdog as his father.
"I'm not yelling at you. You just aren't supposed to be out of bed yet." Legolas lowered his voice. He tried to look away from the way the unbleached linen sleeping pants now clung to Estel's legs. The young Ranger only had the two ties in front of his breasts tied and his pants rested on his hips rather than his waste. All together this gave a very enticing picture to the elf.
"I was only up for a moment. Besides, walking around makes my back feel better." Ignoring his wet pants, Estel sat back down in bed, rubbing his lower back for emphasis. Legolas smiled.
"Well, if you want water fine, but I brought lemonade."
"Yum. Thank you." Estel nearly bounced with glee. Elrond had been correct. Estel was very happy to have something other than water or herb laden tea to drink. Legolas was happy he could do something to bring a smile to the young human's face. He also had admit that he found it cute the way Estel's shirt sleeves kept falling over his hands. Unfortunately, the Ranger's enjoyment, and consequently Legolas's enjoyment, was tarnished by Estel's constant fidgeting from his soar back.
"Does your back really pain you that much? Should I get your father?" Legolas sat down on the bed beside Estel.
"No, don't bother him. It is not pain so much as discomfort. The muscles are just cramped from not being able to move around. Being somewhat restricted in positions I can lie." Estel patted his belly as he talked. It was still fairly small and easily concealed but large enough to make lying on his stomach too uncomfortable to attempt.
"Maybe I can help. If you'll let me?" Legolas ran his hand down the length of Estel's back. Even that light, brief touch revealed many knots. Estel wasted no time in rolling as fair on to his stomach as he could.
Legolas poured a small amount of oil onto his hands and began to run them under Estel's shirt. The Ranger purred in contentment. It didn't take long before Estel discarded his shirt all together. Estel reclined topless and utterly relaxed in front of Legolas, and there was nothing the elf could do. Legolas just prayed the Estel would keep his eyes closed because he didn't want the human to see just how 'happy' this was making him. Estel eventually drifted off to sleep and dreamed of other pleasurable things the elf could do with is elegant fingers.
Estel had worried over that dream for two weeks now. Never in his twenty years had he found a man attractive, but for some reason, he found himself wanting to touch the elf and be touched by him. It wasn't so much that he found Legolas attractive, but rather he just craved his presence. The whole thing was very uncomfortable to him. He kept trying to avoid Legolas, but he was sad when the elf was not around. It made his head hurt. He needed to talk to someone.
Estel figured his brothers would be on the training fields somewhere, so he headed that way to find them. He found one of them anyway. As he rounded the corner he saw Elladan and Legolas wrapped around each other kissing. As he was running away he very distinctly heard Legolas moan Elladan's name.
But he did not hear as Legolas told Elladan that he was not interested and that he loved Estel and could think about no other.
Estel ran back towards the house, angered at how much faster he got tired now. Once inside he almost ran directly into Elrohir making the surprised twin smear his midmorning snack all over his chest. Estel darted into his room and closed the door.
A short time later Elrohir knocked quietly on his foster brother's door. "Estel, can come in? I have cookies."
Estel opened the door. "I'm not five years old anymore; you can't solve every problem with sweets."
"I know, but they are apple raisin cookies and I have peanut butter." He knew that would get to Estel. As far as the pregnant human was concerned lately, everything was better with peanut butter and or raisins. Now it was Estel's turn to make everyone else at the table sick, watching him make horrific combinations of food. Some note worthy ones Elrohir remembered were maple syrup on fish, peanut butter a potato, and raisins in scrambled eggs. He thought they may even be able to get Estel near rabbit if they covered it with peanut butter and raisins.
"Ooo, yummy." Estel took one of the cookies liberally slathered with peanut goo, while Elrohir took a plain one.
"So what troubles you, little brother?"
Elrohir had to wait for Estel to swallow a large lump of peanut butter before he could answer. "I think I might be gay." That was the last thing the elf expected
"Why? I mean other than being pregnant any everything."
"Because I had a dream about Legolas."
"So. You had a dream. Big deal."
"No, not a normal dream. A special dream." Estel blushed and looked down. Unable to talk openly about it.
"Oooh. I see. I wouldn't worry. I once had a dream like that about a horse. It doesn't mean anything."
"But I have had more than one. And I feel different being around him now. When he gives me a hug or touches me at all, it feels different."
"Different how?"
"I don't know, really good. And I want him to keep touching me." Estel flopped onto his back on the bed sighing. "See, I think I may be fey."
"When did this start?"
"I don't know? A while ago."
"Before you got pregnant?"
"No, after. I guess two or three months ago. Why, what difference does it make?"
"Well, there could be a couple of different reasons. First, your body could just be reacting to being around a man you're not related to. It could just be all chemical."
"But I don't feel that way about Glorfindel."
"Thank the Valar, finally another member of the family not attracted to him. I thought I was the only one. Or you could just be fey." Estel's face fell. "But most likely it is just the connection you have to him through your daughter."
"I don't understand."
"For elves, having a child is a spiritual and biological thing. The child's spirit is connected to their parents and the parents' spirits are connected to each other through the child."
"Ok, but I am not an elf"
"True, but you do have elvish blood, and have a definite psychic twinkle. Also, your daughter is more than half elvin, like me. Now that she is getting bigger, the bond is forming between her and her parents and between you and Legolas. But since you are only part elvin, you can't completely experience the bond. So maybe your body is just trying to find a way to strengthen it, or fulfill it, or something." Elrohir smiled.
"You think that is where these strange desires are coming from?" Estel sat up looking hopeful.
"Probably" Elrohir shot his brother a mischievous look. "Or, you could just be a wonton slut who needs a big strong elf to ride." Estel smacked his giggling brother.
"So what should I do?"
"I would say, go give it a try at least once. At worst, you won't like. And if it makes you feel any better, Legolas is a really girly looking elf." Elrohir figured Estel would laugh at that, but instead is foster sibling's eyes filled with tears. "What's wrong? Do you want another cookie?"
"I saw Elladan and Legolas kissing. Legolas doesn't want me." Estel took the cookie anyway.
"Why do you think he doesn't want you?"
"Because, why would he want a fat pregnant woman if he likes elvin guys?"
"I think he wants you. And you are not fat, you are skin and bones."
"Ok fine, why would he want a woman with a big bulbous stomach?" Estel flattened out his baggy shirt so Elrohir could see the tell tale belly.
"Because you are the mother of his child. Like I told you, it is spiritual." Elrohir reached out and touched Estel's tummy, slightly amazed.
"You think so?" Estel ate his cookie.
"Yes, so stop crying and go find Legolas."
"I can't stop crying and I don't' know why."
"Have another cookie" Elrohir put his arm around the crying human and sat with him in complete confusion until Estel felt better. He would have told the human it was just hormones, but he remembered Legolas's horror story about telling Estel he was being hormonal. But he had to admit this was one of the strangest conversations he had ever had in his life.
Some time later, at least enough time for Estel's puffy eyes to go down, Estel knocked on Legolas's room door. It was somewhat uncommon for the elf to spend the afternoons in doors, but Estel was thankful. When Estel entered the room, he wished he hadn't. All of his carefully rehearsed speeches went out of the window the moment he looked at Legolas. He just stood uncertainly in the doorway.
"You knocked, so you might as well come in." Legolas smiled at him. Estel looked very nervous, and that worried him.
The Ranger finally made it into the room and sat down on a chase lounge, sitting cross-legged. He would have preferred to pull his knees up to his chest, but that was starting to get harder and harder to do lately. Legolas had no overstuffed arm chair because it was still in Estel's room. Estel unconsciously tugged at his tunic trying to make it lay flat over his stomach. "I wanted to talk to you about something." Estel looked down and played with the ends of his unbound hair.
"Ok course, love, you can talk to me about anything. So what is it?" Legolas tried to sound as light as possible even though his heart was frozen with dread.
"It's about the night that we, um. At the inn, when you and I. The night I got pregnant." Legolas could see that Estel was blushing even though the human was hiding behind his mash of hair. Estel had no idea what he was doing. He had no clue how to seduce a man, or if that was even what he wanted to do. He should just get up and leave right now. He would have, he really would have, except Legolas came and sat down next to him.
"What do you want to know?"
"Could you tell me what it was like?" Have Legolas so near was making things harder. Estel had never smelled anything quite so wonderful as the elf's hair. He wanted to run his hands all over Legolas's body. Feel every inch of elf. He wished he could climb inside of Legolas's skin.
"Well, it was wonderful." Legolas pushed a lock of Estel's hair behind one of the human's ears so he couldn't hide behind it anymore. Estel was almost irresistible when he was being shy. It was hard to believe that the confident warrior he knew and loved turned into a giggling, blushing child whenever you brought up sex. Legolas wanted to kiss him and spread his wondrous hair out on the bed. Estel's skin looked so soft. Pregnancy was very becoming to the human.
Estel caught the hand Legolas used to move the human's hair and placed it against his face. "Could you show me?" Estel could not look at Legolas as he talked. He was too nervous that the elf might say no. When Legolas did not answer immediately he became even more nervous. "I know I don't look the same as I did then. My stomach is all bulgy and my chest is bigger, but please show me. I need to know. I will do whatever you tell me. I promise." Before the Ranger could babble anymore, Legolas gently kissed him on the lips. "Wow." Was all Estel could say.
"You don't know how long I have been waiting to do that." Legolas stared into Estel's eyes as he talked, and Estel's heart fluttered.
Legolas kissed Estel again, and continued to trail kisses all down the Rangers neck and face. Finally he began to remove the young human's tunic and Estel stopped him. "Are you sure you want to do this. I don't look the same anymore. Not nearly as good. My stomach is all fat." Estel looked down and self consciously covered his belly. Legolas slipped the shirt and tunic off anyway and kissed Estel's tummy.
"I think you look beautiful, love."
The two eventually moved to the bed and Legolas noticed that Estel seemed to tense up. "What is wrong?"
"Nothing, I am just a little scared. That is all."
"Don't be nervous. I will not do anything you do not want me to do. I would rather die than hurt you, my love." But it didn't take Legolas long before he had the Ranger begging for him. After all, he did have thousands of years more of experience then Estel. But it didn't matter; Estel was the best lover he had ever had.
TBC – Next Chapter: Enter Thranduil