A/N: Thank you guys so much for the review. They are always great to get.
I am so sorry it took me so long to get this next section out. I ended
back up in the hospital, but now I am stuck at home on bed rest again, so I
have plenty of time to write.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. Good thing too, because if I did, I might get angry at the way people treat them.
ESTEL/ESTELLE
Estel woke to a bed softer than his own and the feeling of a warm cuddly elf spooned up behind him. It felt good. Last night the two of them had come back to Legolas's room after dinner and talked for hours until Estel had fallen asleep wrapped in the elf's arms. It was such a nice feeling. However, his stomach did not feeling very nice. He felt like someone was stirring the contents with a spoon. He searched blearily on the side table for his waybread, before realizing he was not in his own room. He swore under his breath. If he moved he would wake Legolas and the last thing he wanted was an overly attentive elf hovering around him when he was ill, but if he didn't do something soon he would feel worse.
Just as he decided that me would try and slip back to his own room, Legolas hugged him tighter, pinning him down. Estel sighed and tried to go back to sleep. It didn't work. All at once it felt like the person stirring his stomach suddenly reversed direction and Estel could feel his mouth start to salivate. He wished he had some water. He tried one more time to ignore it and go back to sleep even though it was past time to get up. He only managed to put off the inevitable for a few more minutes.
About five minute later he had no choice but to jump up and run for the washroom, or make a terrible mess of Legolas's sheets. The only problem was that the blissfully sleeping elf was on lying on Estel's hair. He tried to ease it out from under Legolas, that didn't work. Then he tried one quick yank, which caused pain and the loss of quite a large chunk hair, but he was free. Estel made it to the privy just in time.
Legolas was rudely awakened by the rather abrupt removal of his silky pillow. By the time he got his bearings, he could hear Estel vomiting in his washroom. Legolas sighed, covering his head with a pillow. If he didn't know better, he would swear that the Ranger actually liked puking, as often as he did it.
Legolas waited a few minutes till all seemed quiet before he got up to check on Estel. He knocked on the door as he entered and found Estel sitting on the floor with his head resting on the side of the privy. Legolas crouched down and pushed Estel's unbound hair back from his face. He noted that Estel looked paler than usual, but still just as beautiful to him.
"Are you ok, sweetheart?" Legolas ran his hand down his love's arm until he was holding Estel's hand. "Why do you insist on asking me that? I am sitting on the floor of a washroom with my head hanging in a privy throwing up. I think it is pretty self-evident I am not ok." Estel snapped. He would never understand why people insisted on asking him how he was feeling when he was obviously not feeling well. He didn't mean to be cross at Legolas, he was just tired of feeling sick and tired of waking up every morning feeling like he needed to throw up. He couldn't wait for it to all go away.
"I'm sorry; I was just worried about you. I didn't mean to make you mad." Legolas refused to look at Estel when he talked. Great, now Estel felt guilty too.
"No, I am sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just don't feel very well right now. I guess it is making me cranky." Estel finally sat up straight. Legolas pulled him back to rest against the elf's chest and Estel enjoyed the feeling. He was tired of being left alone when he was sick. He knew it made him sound weak, but sometimes he just wanted someone to sit with him, hold his hand, and tell him it would all be over soon. Instead, he usually ended up spending a few hours curled up on a cold stone floor by himself, trying not to cry. "That is all right. I am sorry you aren't feeling well. Is there anything I can do?" Estel just shook his head no and tried to ignore the strange smell in Legolas's washroom. He couldn't tell what it was, but it was getting stronger and starting to make him feel nauseas again. Soon it was too much and he leaned forward and vomited again. Legolas held his hair for him.
As soon as he was sure he wasn't going to get sick again, Estel ran out of the bathing room holding his breath. He sat down on Legolas's bed, but could still smell the strange smell. He could feel his mouth start to water.
"I'm going back to my room." Estel said over his shoulder as he darted out of Legolas's room, leaving a gaping elf behind him. Legolas decided he would go to the kitchen and have the cooks make some peppermint and ginger tea to settle Estel's stomach. It had helped the human greatly over the last few weeks and he would no doubt thank Legolas greatly for his thoughtfulness.
When he arrived in Estel's room, he found the human curled on his side hugging a pillow with one bent leg propped up on it, eyes closed. Legolas sat on the edge of the bed and saw Estel clamp his teeth shut.
"I brought you some of your tea."
"Thank you just put it on the table." Estel didn't even open his eyes.
"Aren't you going to drink it?"
"Later."
"You know it will make you feel better." Legolas put the tea right in front of the Ranger and Estel jerked back from it.
"Please, just put it over there somewhere."
"Estel, drink the tea. You obviously need it." The elf moved it directly under Estel's nose.
"Legolas, if you don't get that damn tea out of my face you are going to be wearing it." Estel barked. He could already tell he was going to throw up again.
Legolas finally relented after Estel's harsh words and leaned forward to put the tea on the nightstand. "Sorry, love, I just thought it would make you feel better."
When Estel felt the bed move under Legolas he gritted his teeth, screwed his eyes shut and moaned. "Stop moving the bed." Even though his mind told him the mattress barely moved he still felt like Legolas was jumping up and down on it.
"Sorry, sweetheart, I didn't mean to." Legolas began to realize that nothing he did would please Estel right now. But there was a large part of him that wanted to do something to make his love feel better. "Is there nothing I can do to ease your suffering?"
"Just don't move." Estel hated feeling like this. It was so much worse than a normal illness. Normally once you vomited you feel better, but it only made him feel worse. There was no way for him to predict when he would feel this bad. He still felt nauseous 24 hours a day, but he had learned to function regardless. But sometimes it would become so bad he almost couldn't stand it, like now. Luckily, the tea Elrond had given him worked well in stopping it, but only if he drank it before he felt this bad. The only thing that would help was sleeping through it.
"Maybe you should try to eat something? Doesn't that usually help?" Legolas couldn't stand sitting there watching Estel look so miserable.
"Good god no! I can't." Just mere act of talking about food was enough to make Estel head for the washroom again, Legolas on hot on his heels.
Lord Elrond walked down the hall in search of Legolas. King Thranduil had been spotted entering the outer portion of Rivendell and Elrond thought it prudent that the prince be there to greet the King when he arrived at the door. After checking the prince's room and finding him absent, he checked his own foster child's room and found him. Legolas was in the washroom holding Estel's hair for him while the human dry heaved.
"Good morning, Legolas. I suppose it doesn't look like a very good morning for you, Estel." Elrond smiled sympathetically at his child.
"I've had better." Estel whispered, which was about all he had the strength for at that moment. Estel flopped his head back down so it was resting on his arm, which was on the side of the privy bowl. Legolas lovingly stroked his sweetie's hair. "Legolas, I hate to interrupt you at such a delicate time, but your father is almost here and I think it would be best if you were waiting to meet him when he arrived." Elrond left unspoken his thought that the prickly king would throw a fit if his son was not dutifully there waiting for him and Elrond just didn't want to deal with that.
"I don't want to leave Estel alone." Legolas looked back, with concern, at the sick human who had zoned out slightly during the conversation.
"Don't worry about it, go, meet your father. I am used to doing this by my self anyway. I promise, I will be down as soon as I can." Estel gave a weak smile to his friend. He wanted Legolas to see his father, but he also didn't fancy the thought of being ill with no one to rub his back and tell him it would be ok. It sounded ridiculous, but it was remarkably soothing.
"Are you sure? I don't want you to be upset." Legolas was really just looking for any excuse to avoid his father. He was not looking forward to explaining why the king had been summoned to Rivendell.
"I am sure. Besides, I feel better already. Just let me lay down for a bit and I will feel right as rain." Estel smiled to give his statement more meaning. Legolas smiled back. It was a bald face lie, but the elf didn't have to know that.
"Ok, I will see you at breakfast then." Legolas planted a feather soft kiss on Estel's forehead. He knew the Ranger was lying, but it meant a lot to him that he would go through the trouble. Legolas left to go meet his father with a great deal of dread in his heart. Sometimes he was jealous of Estel, Elladan, and Elrohir because their father was so much more agreeable and less domineering than his own. At times he considered Rivendell to be more of a home to him than Mirkwood and that was no way for royalty to think.
After Legolas left, Elrond turned to his youngest with a critical eye. He knew better than to ask if the young human was alright, so instead he asked. "Are you going to be alright?"
"Yes, the sickness is just particularly bad this morning." Estel still hadn't moved from leaning on the side of the privy.
"Ok, come down when you feel up to it. Thranduil will be expecting you." Elrond placed a gentle hand on his child's shoulder for support than left to go and meet the king of Mirkwood.
Down the hall Legolas paced nervously back and forth. Though he had literally had months to think on it, he had no idea how to explain this situation to his father. Thranduil had never been the type to try and push his son into a loveless marriage, yet he knew that his father expected him to marry a fine Elvin noble woman. He knew his father had always harboured a secret desire and fear that Legolas would marry Elrond's daughter Arwen. Though Legolas found her beautiful and charming, she meant no more to him than any other beautiful and charming elf maid. The only one who made his blood burn was Estel, and considering how little Thranduil thought of the Ranger, his father was not going to be happy.
Finally the inevitable happened and the king arrived. He threw the few belongings he had carried with him at an attendant, while tossing his reigns to a groom without even acknowledging them. Legolas could see Elrond bristle at the treatment of his staff, but the half elf held his tongue as he greeted the king.
"Thranduil, how good of you to travel to my humble valley. We have been awaiting your arrival." 'With dread' Elrond thought, but did not say. He had the forced smile on his face that Gil-Galad had taught him.
Legolas shifted from foot to foot trying to hide his nervousness and failing miserably. He wished he had Elrond's composure.
"Elrond. Your valley is a god forsaken distance from my home. I wonder why my son travels it at all." Thranduil said haughtily. Trying to get the upper hand over the half elf. Elrond's expression began to look more like a rictus grimace than a smile.
"Father." Legolas stepped forward arms extended for a hug that the older elf dismissed. Legolas tried not to look sad. Elrond always greeted him with a hug.
"So why had you summoned me here Legolas? Do you not think I have more important things to do than tramp all over middle earth on your whim?"
Legolas's mouth suddenly went dry under Thranduil's penetrating gaze. Elrond tried to decide whether he should step in or not. He decided against it considering he was still slightly cross with the prince for having gotten his child pregnant. "There is something that I needed to tell you that could not be said through a letter, and I could not leave Rivendell to tell you either. My continued presence here is essential." Legolas paused to try and collect his thoughts.
"After such a long ride, no doubt it would feel good to stretch your muscles out. Why do you not take a turn in the gardens?" Elrond interrupted unable to watch Legolas squirm anymore. Maybe he wasn't as angry as he thought he was. Legolas smiled at the half elf and led his father out into the spacious and well kept gardens of Imladris.
Upstairs, Estel finally managed to drag himself back to bed. He decided that dry heaving was the single worst feeling in the world, which was unfortunate, since he had spent the last twenty minutes doing it. Sometimes he wondered if it was actually possible to turn yourself inside out. He made it to the middle of his bed and collapsed in an exhausted heap. He didn't have the strength to climb to the top of the bed, so instead he dragged a pillow down from the top and curled around it. He wished it were a nice warm Legolas he was curled around, but a pillow would have to do for now. He closed his eyes and did his best to try and doze off.
Just as he felt his body relax into sleep, someone knocked loudly on his door and barged in before even waiting for an answer. Estel didn't even open his eyes. He hoped if he played dead, like he felt, than they would go away. No such luck.
"Estel! What are you still doing in bed?" Elladan sounded annoyed.
"Trying to sleep if you must know." Estel thought it was pretty obvious what he was doing.
"Well get up. Thranduil is here." Elladan could not believe that his foster brother was not down stairs right now with Legolas and Elrond trying to appease the obnoxious king. Instead his lazy brother was lying in bed not even dressed yet.
"Elladan" Estel started slowly as if he were talking to a dimwit. "I have just spent thirty of the last forty-five minutes with my head hanging in a privy trying to see if you can actually throw up your stomach. I just want to rest for a little while." Estel tried not to sound half as annoyed as he felt.
"Well if you feel bad than drink you tea." Elladan took the cup of tea sitting on the side table and placed it in Estel's face.
Estel could feel his stomach give a sickening turn and swatted the tea away with more force than he should have. The tea ended up all over Elladan and the carpet as the Ranger half yelled and half moaned. "Get that out of my face." He curled tighter around the pillow.
"Look, Estel. I know you don't feel well, but it is your fault that Thranduil is here and it is not fair that you are up here sleeping while everyone else is downstairs trying to deal with him. It is your responsibility to help with him, so get down there and do it." Elladan was angry and spoke more harshly than he should have. But he had the satisfaction of Estel sitting up before he left the room.
"Like I asked for any of this to happen." Estel whispered as his brother left. He didn't want to get up, but Elladan had made him feel guilty enough to drive him from his bed.
Estel quickly washed his face and tied his hair back in a rather messy ponytail. He then dressed in a very baggy pair of pants and a shirt. Over the shirt he put on a tunic with front ties. He then belted the whole thing. However, the pressure from the belt on his stomach made the Ranger wretch uselessly into the sink. He quickly discarded the belt and not wanting to take any chances untied his tunic as well. He looked at himself in the mirror and realized he looked terrible, but right now he didn't care. With one last longing look at his bed, Estel trudged downstairs to breakfast.
When the Ranger arrived at the table no one but Elrohir was present yet. The younger twin gave him an encouraging smile as he slid into his seat. Estel felt awful, purely and simply awful and he wanted to go right back to bed and hide his head under the covers until he felt better. But knowing he couldn't do that, he did the next best thing and rested his head on his folded arms and tried to concentrate on anything other than his churning tummy.
Some time later, it could have been one minute or one hour, Estel could not tell the difference, Elladan arrived. The eldest twin looked at his foster brother with a mixed sense of satisfaction and sympathy. Next came Elrond, who was slightly surprised to so see his youngest at the table. The half elf made his way into the kitchen to speak with the cooks about making some tea for Estel before he took his seat at the head of the table. Finally Thranduil arrived looking cross. He flopped himself into the chair beside Estel and glared at the Ranger. The dozing human was completely oblivious.
Thranduil watched Estel rest, growing more and more irritated. How dare that useless human use a dining table as a bed. Elrond had spoiled him far too much. He should be standing in the corner ready to serve, not acting like he was the prince or rather princess of the palace. He could hold his tongue no longer. "Do you always let your pets sleep at the table, Half Elf?" The comment had been designed to rankle. Thranduil had always found it to be most amusing to try and get a rise out of the famously placid Lord Elrond.
As soon as Estel heard Thranduil's voice, he jerked himself into a sitting position. He had not actually meant to fall asleep, much less be caught that way by the king. Estel spoke up before Elrond or his brothers could rise to his defense and start an argument. "I am sorry, my lord, it was very rude of me to rest my head on the table. It will not happen again."
"I should hope not." Thranduil harrumphed as he crossed his arms over his chest. Even though he didn't get the reaction he wanted out of his fellow elflord, he did enjoy watching the human shrink in on himself. Thranduil did have to admit that Estel made a fairly attractive woman. If he were to fix his hair and put on better close he could almost be pretty.
Legolas had explained to him on their walk around the gardens how Estel had been changed from a man into a woman. It was all quite odd as far as Thranduil was concerned, but there was nothing he could do about it. But some useless human changing gender still did not explain why Legolas had been so insistent that he come to Rivendell. Thranduil continued to watch the human for any clues.
Before the king could finish his scrutiny, Legolas finally arrived looking slightly tense. On his way to his seat he walked by and stroked Estel's hair, starting at the crown of his head and ending half way down his ponytail. Estel tried to hide his vexation at it. He hated people petting him like he was some kind of animal. It reminded him of when he was little and everyone used to pat him on the head in the same way they did to Glorfindel's dogs. Even as a man he stood several inches shorter than most of the elves and now he was even shorter than that. It annoyed him to death that they all seemed to think this gave them free reign to ruffle his hair or pat him on the head. The only thing worse, was all of the woman wanting to touch his stomach. But he also realized that with the mood his was in right now it wouldn't take much to make him start screaming or crying.
Before anything further could be said, Elrond stiffly ordered the servants to bring in breakfast. Even though everyone else ate with hardy appetites, Estel wouldn't even put any food on his plate, much less in his mouth. The young human just sat looking down at his lap where he was twisting his napkin into a tight knot.
"Estel?" The Ranger started at the sound of his name even though the tone was gentle and familiar. "Do you want to try some dry toast?" Elrond continued smoothly as if nothing had happened.
"No thank you." Estel didn't think he could hold down toast or anything else right now.
"Alright. Drink some tea then." Elrond handed Estel a cup of tea that a servant had handed him. Estel accepted the tea and stirred a spoonful of honey into it. He then slowly spooned some into his mouth like he was drinking soup. Both Legolas and Elladan stared at Estel incredulously. Why would he drink his tea when Elrond told him to, but not either one of them?
The rest of breakfast passed in a tense silence.
When breakfast was finished, Elrond turned to Estel with a sympathetic smile. "Estel, my dear, why do you not go back to your chamber for bit while Thranduil settles in. Then meet us in my study in, say, two hours so we can discuss the situation." Elrond took great pleasure in watching Thranduil's look of displeasure when Elrond did not use his title. Estel did not even answer. He simply rose from the table and shuffled out of the dining room back towards his rooms.
Once back alone in his room, Estel vomited back up the tea he had drunk, as he knew he would. Afterwards he splashed cool water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror. He had not gotten much sleep in the past few days and it showed. He had dark circles under his eyes and they looked sunken. And though he had managed to put on almost two pounds in the last month, which was the first time he had put on weight during his pregnancy, his cheeks still looked hollow and bony. He guessed that they would though, since he had lost nearly twenty pounds since he had gotten pregnant. But then he looked down at his ever-expanding belly and banished any thoughts about looking too skinny. At 22 weeks, his stomach was not nearly as large as a human woman's would be, but it was still large enough to not be mistaken for anything other than pregnancy. He could still hide it under baggy clothes though, as he still tended to do. Partially out of embarrassment and discomfort at the idea of being pregnant, and partially because pressure on his stomach often made him feel nauseas, like everything else.
Finally he returned to his sleeping room and collapse in a heap on the bed. He knew that he needed to sleep, but his mind was in too much turmoil to rest. So instead he contented himself with resting his eyes and thinking over all of the things that had gone wrong in his life over the last six months. However he could not work up any real anger. He realized that he was willing to take all of the bad things that had happened to him just for the one good thing of having his daughter. That thought shocked Estel slightly. He could not tell when exactly or how, but at some point he had stopped being angry, unhappy, or just resigned about the whole pregnancy and was now truly happy about it. He still had his worries about what kind of a parent he would be and over his dreams of her life rarely having him present, but now he really did want her.
After two hours, Estel rolled over onto his side and tried to avoid having to get up. He ran his hand over his belly and spoke. "Well, kiddo, are you ready to go and talk to your grandfather?" She didn't answer him so he took that as a yes and headed for Elrond's study. Not feeling any better, but not feeling any worse.
Elrond waited in is study busying himself with setting out tea. He had sent the servant away because he needed something to do to keep his mind off of what was about to happen. It was a common misconception that just because Elrond tended not to show emotion that he didn't have them. He had them alright, and now he was feeling a great deal of worry and anger. As he thought on how to broach the subject to the unpleasant king, his door opened and closed almost silently. It would take one with Elvin hearing to have detected the movement, but Elrond heard it. He also knew who it was before he even looked up. There was only one creature in all of Middle Earth who could move that silently.
"Glorfindel, what brings you here, I know how you detest the smell of books?" It was an old joke between the two friends based on stereotypes. Outsiders always assumed the bookish half elf hated weapons and combat and that the valiant Lord Glorfindel hated books and quiet pursuits. It was all lies, but it made them both laugh.
"I thought you could use the support." Glorfindel knew his friend well, and knew that Elrond was keeping his calm through training alone. They both hated Thranduil about as much as they hated any creature of Morgoth. He figured that his presence would help to keep Elrond calmer and give Thranduil another target for his ire besides Estel.
It was a well known fact around Elvin society that Glorfindel had had a forty year long affair with Thranduil's queen. This of course was a century before Legolas was born, but it had always bothered the king to no end. When Glorfindel was around Thranduil could rarely think straight for his anger. The golden haired elf was counting on that fact in order to help ease the tension between Thranduil and Elrond. He only hoped that he could control his own anger. It was one thing when the Mirkwood king was being nasty to him; it was entirely different when he was hurting his family. And yes, Elrond and his kin were the closest thing to family Glorfindel had left outside of Valinor.
Elrond smiled at his best friend, brother in every way but blood, and set an extra tea setting for him.
Not long after Glorfindel arrived, Estel slunk into the room. He moved like a person afraid he was about to get hit any moment. It broke Elrond's heart to see his son looking as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs in his own home. Estel took a seat in the corner of the room on his favourite chase lounge overlooking the garden. After he sat down, Estel pulled his knees up to his chest as far as he could and rested his head on them. Elrond couldn't help but notice how his youngest's hands were shaking slightly and he looked even more peaked than usual. He handed the Ranger a cup of honey-sweetened tea designed to help settle the pregnant human's, no doubt, queasy tummy. He also handed his foster child a plate of cracked wheat crackers hoping to tempt him to eat.
Estel absently sipped at his tea and blatantly ignored the crackers until Legolas and Thranduil arrived, but then nerves made him feel too ill to drink anymore. He watched as all of the elves stared at each other as if waiting for the other to say the first thing. It was like a game of "who blinks first," but on a much higher level. Luckily they were all ignoring Estel.
Finally Thranduil spoke up, his voice sounding loud and booming in the near total silence. The only other sound was that of the wind outside, which had picked up intensity over the past few minutes. "So what is going on here that you cannot handle without me so I have to leave my kingdom to come your little valley?" Thranduil leveled each elf with his gaze. He purposely left out the human, not quite sure why he was there.
"I think your son should be the one to tell you." Elrond spoke quietly. Outwardly he was as calm as a lake on a spring day. Inwardly he was raging like a tornado. Thunderheads began to build in the east threatening to douse the valley.
"Well, speak up boy." Thranduil had had enough. If his son was the one he needed to talk to, then why did Elrond and that annoying blonde imp of his have to be present? And why couldn't his son have just written him a letter telling him? Though Thranduil thought he already knew. Though not a lore master like Elrond or a tactical genius like Glorfindel, or even a seer like Galadreal, he still managed to put one and one together and come up with three. He had caught a glimpse of Estel as he had left the table. The young human was dressed like a vagabond, but it could not completely hide the bulge in his belly. He had put that together with the apparent illness this morning along with the familiar way in which Legolas acted around the human. Thranduil was fairly certain that the Ranger was pregnant with the next heir to the throne of Mirkwood and he didn't like it at all.
"Adar," Legolas took a deep breath. "Estel his with child. My child." There, he had said it. He wondered briefly if this was how Estel felt when he had come to talk to Legolas about aborting their daughter. However before he could ponder the topic seriously, he felt a solid slap land on is left cheek. His hand immediately went to his face to rub at the sore spot. Why was he always the one to get hit when people found out? He absently thought.
"How dare you?" Thranduil roared and Legolas waited for the next blow to come. His father rarely hit him that was not his way. Thranduil had long ago learned that telling his sensitive son that he was disappointed in the prince was far more effective and painful. But the next blow never came. Instead Legolas noticed that Thranduil had turned his rage to the human in the corner. "This is all a lie, a sham for you to trap my son in marriage."
"No, sir." Estel said meekly. He pulled his knees tighter to his chest compressing his belly slightly. It was uncomfortable, but made him feel safer. Normally he would have risen to the challenge if anyone else had insulted him, but Thranduil had this annoying way of making him feel like an insignificant worm. It was as if the king knew all of his secret insecurities and gave them voice.
"Prove it then, prove that you are carrying Legolas's child." Thranduil looked haughtily down at the cowering human.
"How?" The king had expected begging, not a calm question from the human.
Thranduil stood quickly and walked over to Estel and grabbed him by an arm, hauling him into a standing position. Estel did not resist. Elrond rose and so did Glorfindel, but Thranduil turned to them and said. "Back off Mongrel, and take your imp with you." Thunder clapped in the distance just as three huge arcs of lightening cut across the sky. Thranduil then forcibly put his hand under Estel's shirt, feeling his belly. Estel tried to move away, but he was backed up against the lounge he had been sitting on so there was nowhere for him to go. He didn't like the feeling of rough hands poking and prodding him, but he knew if he reacted too badly it would start a fight.
After a short time, Thranduil seemed to have satisfied himself and released Estel. The Ranger sank back down onto the lounge. Elrond noticed that his hands were shaking worse, but his time it was from emotion. Thranduil did not seem to challenge that the child was his son's again, but he was not finished by a long shot.
"This is not acceptable. This child cannot be born."
"Excuse me?" Elrond finally could hold his tongue no longer.
"I thought even you would have seen this by now. This child cannot be allowed to be born. There is no place for it in this world."
"Why not?"
"The world needs no more mongrels like you." Thranduil yelled. "This never would have been an issue had your ridiculous twin brother just died in disgrace rather than founding a line of half breed kings." Thranduil knew the whole thing was Estel's fault. There was a reason there were so few half elves in Middle Earth, in fact the only ones were from Elrond's family. The reason had little to do with the Valar forcing them to choose, and more to do with biology. An elf was simply a more complicated being than a human. Generally if the two wanted to have children it had to be the male who was human because a female human was not strong enough to carry and birth an elf. Estel's Elvin blood was enough to stop the pregnancy from aborting itself, but even Thranduil could see that the Ranger was having a devilishly hard time of it. In Thranduil's mind, had not Estel had Elvish blood, he would not have been pregnant with a member of the royal house of Mirkwood.
Elrond could stand many things, but anyone attacking his family was not one of them. It was true that Elros had been dead for centuries, but that did not make Elrond miss him any less or love him any less. All he had left of his brother was the line of kings he had started and the most recent installment sat miserably by the window trying to make himself as inconspicuous as possible.
Elrond leapt from the table, but before he could reach the king to throttle him, he notice that Glorfindel already held a wickedly sharp sword at his throat. "I think you have forgotten yourself, Thranduil." Glorfindel smiled sweetly at the king.
"I see that you take your job from the Valar seriously. Do you always threaten Elrond's guests?" Thranduil referred to the fact that Glorfindel had been sent back by the Valar, after his death, for the sole purpose of protecting the house of Elrond.
"I protect them because the Valar wish me to, I do it well because I love them. You would do well to remember that." Glorfindel finally removed the sword and took his seat again. But the bickering did not stop. All four elves argued about what to do with Estel and his child without even so much as turning to look at him. Thranduil and Elrond both tried to blame the other's child, while Glorfindel tried to calm things down. Finally Estel could take no more of it. The sound was making his head spin and he just wanted quiet.
Thranduil again rounded on the young human who felt dizzied by all of the noise. The others were arguing amongst themselves, leaving Thranduil to say what he liked to Estel "Why did you let this happen, you fool? You did this on purpose. Why didn't you abort the thing when you found out about it? Now we all have to clean up your mess because you were too much of a coward to do the right thing. You are as weak as the rest of the men from your family. I am glad you are not a king, because if the fate of the world rested on your shoulders we would all be in dire straights."
Estel shook his head "no" while Thranduil ridiculed him. He didn't know what to say to defend himself, because everything that the king said was something he had already thought. Legolas's father was again reminding him of his own insecurities and he felt each one like the crack of a whip against bare flesh. "It is my fault." Estel whispered drawing everyone else's attention. Tears began to slide down his face and he angrily wiped them away. He hated showing weakness in front of Thranduil, but his body betrayed him. "I tried to get rid of her, but I couldn't." Estel gasped as his tears threatened to overwhelm him. "I tried, but I couldn't do it. I know it would be easier for everyone, but I love her too much to kill her. I am sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." Estel couldn't take it anymore. He ran from the room out of the door and towards the waterfalls. He ran as fast as he could away from their accusing eyes, sympathy, and anger. If Thranduil wanted, he would never take her to Mirkwood, even if that meant never seeing Legolas again. But that thought brought more pain than it ever had before.
Estel finally reached the river and curled up on the same rock he had sat on and cried a few months ago when he had thought about aborting her. This time he felt no less lonely and the tears were no less bitter. He cried until he could barely breath, but still he could hear their yelling and Thranduil's accusations. He thought about what he could do to help the situation. He could leave. He could run away and go and live in a big city, or out in the Wilds, but he knew he still wasn't strong enough to take care of himself. He doubted he would even make it out of the valley considering the way he felt, much less to a large city. Then there was still the problem of how he would support the two of them. The prospect of leaving his safe home was no more appealing now than it had been when he had first considered it several months ago.
It took the human a good half hour to stop crying, but finally he managed to get control of himself. When he finally did he rubbed his hand along the side of his stomach and spoke to his daughter. "I am sorry you had to hear that, sweetheart. I wanted you to grow up knowing how much everyone loved you. I love you though and I won't let Thranduil or anyone else hurt you. I'll find a way to make sure that you are safe from people like him. I promise." Estel could have sworn he felt a fluttering in his mind, like the feel of a bubble floating past your face, but when he concentrated on it, it was gone. But somehow he had gotten the impression that the bubble meant love. Estel pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them trying to make her feel as safe and protected as he could.
Being mid-August, the weather was hot and sticky, especially with the thunderheads still in the east. But the valley itself was still sunny and hot. Estel basked on his rock for several hours not wanting to go back to house. He was embarrassed over the way he had acted, and more than a little frightened of how he would react when he had to face the king again. He wanted Thranduil to think of him as strong and worthy of carrying a member of both of their royal houses, but he knew that the king just thought he was weak and useless. The way he had run out of the room crying had not helped matters at all.
As the day crept from early afternoon into late afternoon, Estel heard a rustle coming from the direction of the house. His first instinct was to try and hide, but then he realized that it would be useless. Any elf would be able to find him almost instantly. So he resigned himself to having to talk to someone, even though the really wanted to be left alone. He concentrated on the approaching person trying to figure out who it was; all he could tell was that there were at least two of them. "Great, probably my brothers." Estel really didn't want to deal with his overprotective brothers. The last thing he needed was to have them pick a fight with Thranduil in his defense. He thought about hiding again.
But luck was on his side, more or less anyway, when the interloper cam bounding out of the trees and immediately made a bee line to try and jump on his lap. The hundred pounds of happy dog was shortly followed by Glorfindel. Theoretically, Estel was not surprised to see the blond elf. Where ever the dog was, the elflord would not be far behind. Glorfindel was really the only one in Rivendell that kept pets, most elves chose not to because their lives were so long that the life of a dog hardly seemed worth the effort, but Glorfindel was different. He had a special talent for animals and they always responded to him and him to them. Estel had appreciated that when he had first arrived here. He had been a scared little boy who had lost his father and his mother was too grief stricken to be bothered with him. She had died less than a month after their arrival in the valley. Estel had been frightened of the elves and felt isolated because he didn't speak their language or understand their customs. He wanted to go back and live with the Rangers, but he didn't know how to get there. One night, just after his mother's death, he had tried to run away. With all of his four three old cunning he had attempted to make his way back to the Ranger camp. He had actually managed to elude most of the elves who had tried to follow him, but he had not been able to hide from Glorfindel and his dogs. Elrond had been with the golden haired elf when he had found Estel. Estel remembered being cold and afraid and feeling much safer and happier when the large dog had tracked him down. The huge beast had sat still and let Estel weep his pain into his fur while hanging onto the dog's neck. It wasn't until years later that Estel found out that Glorfindel and Elrond had been standing a short distance away watching the whole thing. Glorfindel had convinced Elrond that the young Estel would be more apt to break down in front of a dog than a bunch of elves he didn't know. Elrond had relented and had been surprised at how right his friend was. Glorfindel had later explained that he understood what it was like to wake up one morning and have everything you knew and loved gone and to find yourself in a strange place around strange people that you don't understand. Animals understand you no matter what.
Estel knew it wasn't that simple. The golden elflord had some kind of special Valar given gift which allowed him to communicate with animals the same way that Elrond was able to communicate with other elves and some humans. Sometimes Estel wished he could talk to animals too, but then figured that it would be difficult to eat something you could have a conversation with. In any event, Glorfindel soon arrived after his canine friend had licked Estel silly.
"Just like your father." The elflord said from the clearing. He knew Estel hadn't yet realized he was there. He had been enjoying watching the young Ranger play with his dog. For the first time in months Estel looked alive and happy again rather than like a walking zombie. The change was nice. Glorfindel made a mental note to invite Estel to take his dog for walks in the evening when he felt up to it.
"What do you mean? Covered in dog slobber." Estel tried not to look as startled as he was.
"Partially." Glorfindel pushed himself away from the tree and walked over to sit beside Estel. "Like Elrond, you claim you don't like animals then go play with them when you think that no one is looking." He winked to take any harshness out of the words.
"That is not true; I never said I didn't like animals."
"True, true. But actually I meant that just like your father and your grandfather before him, you head to water when you are upset. I think it must be something with your family line that wholly skipped your brothers." Sometimes he could see more resemblance between Estel and Elrond than he could between Elrond and his twin sons. Both Elrond and Estel had a quiet sort of authority that people responded to whether they wanted to or not. Estel's was still weak; he hadn't yet mastered how to be a leader. He was young and content to let others lead, but one day he would be a great leader. Glorfindel had no doubt about that.
"I didn't realize I was that obvious." Estel tried to joke.
"Well, running out of the room sobbing generally denotes an off balance emotional state, but then again you are pregnant so it is hard to read you." Glorfindel favoured Estel with one of his impish smiles. Estel smiled back but then it faded.
"I made a complete fool out of myself."
Glorfindel pondered his answer for a moment as he dug through the picnic basket he had brought. It was well into afternoon and Estel should eat something. Elrond insisted he take food with him when he left to go and talk to the human. Luckily Estel had lived with elves long enough that a pause in the conversation did not phase him. Elves would not be rushed. In fact, Estel acted more like and elf than a human most of the time anyway. Many years later, when he guarded Frodo, the hobbits would comment on how much the Ranger reminded them of Elrond and how spooky he was when he would stop talking for several minutes mid conversation to just stare into space.
Finally Glorfindel produced some crackers and a small container of peanut butter. "Come over here into the shade, I brought you some lunch." Glorfindel lead the human over towards the tree line so that they were out of the direct sunlight. Neither had to really worry about burning, but the spray from the falls would get onto the food. Estel flopped down far less gracefully than he used to. His balance was way off lately, he guessed it would only get worse. The dog immediately collapsed beside him using his thigh as a chin rest. Estel absently stroked his soft head.
Glorfindel slathered three of the crackers with peanut butter and put them on a napkin. He then poured two large glasses of lemonade before fishing his own food from the basket. He disliked peanut butter. He refused to eat anything that could double as an adhesive, but he knew Estel loved it. Estel drank his lemonade greedily, but only nibbled at his crackers. He had not realized how thirsty he had been. Glorfindel gave the Ranger more to drink, but also pointed to the crackers. Estel had only eaten half of one.
The two ate in silence for a while longer before Glorfindel finally said. "I thing Thranduil made himself look more of a fool than you."
"How? He didn't break into tears." Estel's bitterness was obvious.
"No, but he was no less a slave to his emotions. He reacted in anger and struck his own son. Then he said hurtful things to you. His reactions were on a purely emotional level. Had he thought rather than reacting, he would have realized that most of what he said was ridiculous. But then again, thinking never has been his strong suit."
"So he got angry, so did Ada. He didn't start balling like a child when someone insulted him. I feel like such an idiot." Estel put down his final cracker so he could return to petting the dog still using him for a chin rest.
"You shouldn't though."
"Why not? I proved to Thranduil that I was weak and stupid. There is no way he will ever accept me or my daughter now. I ruined everything."
"No you didn't. Eat your lunch." Glorfindel pointed to the final of the three crackers and then continued. "First off, what difference does it make what he thinks of you? It is highly unlikely that your daughter will ever sit on the throne of Mirkwood because Legolas could have a legitimate heir. She will always be welcome in Rivendell or among the Dunedin, so who cares if Thrandrool doesn't like her. Next, what happened this morning did nothing to change his opinion of you. Thranduil made up his mind about you a long time ago and nothing you did or didn't do today is going to change that. He has to get to know the real you, not what he thinks you are like. And, you have to understand that his opinion of you is coloured by his dislike for Elrond. Finally, so what if you were emotional. Who gives a fig? You are pregnant Estel; you are going to be emotional. It comes with the territory. I remember making Elrond's wife cry for two hours straight when she was carrying the twins because I brought her some wildflowers I found while hunting. There is nothing wrong with showing emotions sometimes. You don't have to be like Elrond in everything."
Estel thought about what Glorfindel said. "But it just seems so weak to cry all the time."
"Why, is it weak to laugh when something is funny? Is it weak to get angry when something goes wrong? What is the difference? We men, are taught that emotions are weak, but only some emotions. I wonder who determined which were strong and which were weak. I think women have it easier because they don't make those distinctions. And now that you are a woman, at least for the time being, you have the luxury of being as emotional as you want."
"I guess. I just wish I didn't feel so out of control all of the time. This morning I kept telling myself not to cry at what he said, but it didn't work any better than when I tell myself not be sick." Estel smiled ruefully while he ran his fingers down a silky ear.
"I can't give you any advice from experience, but I would guess that there is nothing you can do about it. Your emotions being upside down is no more under your control than getting hungry, thirsty, or sleepy. So don't worry about."
"I'll try."
"Come on. We should get back. Your father was about to send out the whole of the guard to find you. Besides, it is getting close to dinner time and we both need to clean up. The rest of the royal guard from Mirkwood have arrived and there will be a state dinner for them."
Estel groaned. "Do you think Ada will let me skip dinner?" Glorfindel rested a comforting hand on the Ranger's shoulder.
"I doubt it. If Thranduil is going to make the announcement about your daughter tonight, I think you have to be there."
"Great." Estel could feel his shoulders tense in worry.
Once back in the house, Estel immediately sought out his father. Elrond was in his private chambers getting ready for dinner, which meant that he was pacing back and forth trying to calm himself down enough to be civil. He could not remember the last time he was this angry. Not even the news that Legolas had taken advantage of his child had made him this mad. He wanted to stab out Thranduil's eyes with a hot fireplace poker and watch as the jelly cooked to the stick. Then he wanted to rip out his finger nails and slowly break every finger and toe. And that was just the beginning. All of these vengeful fantasies were swimming through his mind when he heard a soft knock at his door.
"Enter." The elflord snapped without meaning to.
Estel peaked his head in the door. He didn't realize his father was in such a bad mood. "Sorry, Ada, I didn't mean to bother you." Estel could feel tears spring to his eyes again. Damn it. he would not let them fall.
"Sorry Estel, sweetheart, I didn't know it was you." Elrond walked quickly to the door and ushered in his youngest. "How are you?"
"Ok I guess. Embarrassed, but I guess I'll live. What happened after I left?"
"We talked for a while longer before we all realized that it was useless. Then we broke for lunch. Legolas has been trying to talk some sense into his father ever since."
"Oh." Estel didn't know what he had been hoping to hear, but that certainly hadn't been it. "Ada, can I skip dinner?" Estel mentally crossed his fingers. He still vividly remembered the last stately dinner he had been forced to attend and he had no desire to faint in front of half of the Mirkwood guard.
"How are you feeling?" Elrond needed his child at dinner, but not at the risk of his health or pride.
"Like hell." Estel smile. Hell, was what he normally felt like. "Worse than usual anyway."
"How so?" Elrond sat down on the bed behind his Estel and began to brush out his hair. It was a still in a messy ponytail and Elrond thought it should be styled better for dinner. He had always love combing his wife's and his daughter's hair, Estel's hair was no different. Add to that the fact that his foster child still had not mastered the art of plaiting hair and Elrond realized what a service he was doing for both of them.
Estel relaxed at the feel of the brush sliding over his hair. It was almost hypnotic. "I just feel really nauseas. I'm having a hard time keeping anything down. Harder than it normally is." Estel hadn't meant to say the last sentence.
"What is usual like?"
"I don't know." Estel wanted to change the subject.
"Are you normally nauseas?"
"I guess so."
"Do you normally vomit?"
"Yeah, but not normally as many times as I have today." Elrond had gotten up and was selecting gold strands and beads to braid into Estel's hair.
"How many times were you ill today?" Elrond pretended to concentrate on searching, but was really interested in hearing about his child's health.
"Ten, maybe twelve times. I lost count." Estel looked down at his lap, ashamed at his weakness.
"What is normal for you?"
"I usually only throw up three or four times a day now. It really isn't as bad as it was." Estel tried to make it sound better than it really was. He didn't want to worry his father.
"I see." Elrond was in fact worried. He had spent the better part of the afternoon locked away in his study thinking on some of the things that Thranduil had said. And one thing stuck out in is mind. He chided himself for not having remembered it before. When his brother, Elros, had gotten married to a human woman, they had great difficulties in starting a family. Like Thranduil had said, human women could rarely carry Elvin children. His sister-in-law, had been pregnant eight times, but had only had one child. Elrond recalled that she had been so ill during that pregnancy that she had been unable to leave her chamber during the entire time. She had grown so weak that it was eventually the death of her. He had hoped rather than saw that Estel was getting better. He didn't know if he could stand to loose his Estel.
"Is there any time of day that you feel better or worse?" He had to find some pattern in it, some way to help his child survive.
"Not really. Sometimes it is worse in the mornings, sometimes in the afternoons. But I usually can't hold dinner down very long. Ada, I don't want to go out there tonight. I still feel very ill and I don't' want to make a bigger fool out of myself than I already have."
"I know, but you really need to be there, at least at the beginning. I'll tell you what. Just pretend to eat and I promise I won't bother you about actually eating. And if you start to feel like you are going to faint or be ill, let me know and I will excuse you immediately." Elrond gave Estel and encouraging smile as he began to braid his hair.
"Ok, Ada. For you. But can I sleep in late tomorrow?"
"Of course, as late as you want."
Estel reluctantly shuffled back to his room to get dressed. He selected all black with a green tunic. He knew that most of the elves would be dressed in bright colours to celebrate the summer, but he didn't feel bright or like celebrating. He felt nervous and unhappy. As he got ready for dinner he brewed another cup of tea in hopes he could keep it down long enough to help his stomach. He had eaten nothing all day except the crackers Glorfindel had given him, and he was hungry. But he was also terribly nauseas at the same time. It was a decidedly unpleasant feeling.
Far sooner than he would have hoped, he heard his father and brothers head down to the formal dining room. Estel downed his entire cup of tea in one swallow and burned his tongue in the process. Then he looped his belt loosely around his waist. He took a few deep breaths trying to dispel his body's nature rebellion from having pressure on his belly.
Once Estel got his stomach calmed down, she quietly walked towards the dining room. He paused at the front the private chambers and watched the servants scurry around putting finishing touches on place settings. They all wore a salmon-pink coloured tunic, the shade of which made Estel ill. He stood in the door way for a moment covering his eyes. He didn't hear Legolas come up behind him.
"Why are you just standing here, love?" Legolas had slipped a hand under Estel's hair so he could lightly rub his back.
"It is making me sick."
"What is making you sick?"
"Pink."
"Pink?"
"Yes, pink, the colour of the staffs' tunics." Estel was getting aggravated with his own weakness.
"Honey, a colour can't make you sick." Legolas thought that was the dumbest thing he had ever heard, but he could see Estel's discomfort for himself.
"Well, it just does." Estel snapped in irritation.
"Ok." Legolas did not recoil or even move his hand from Estel's back. He was becoming more and more used to Estel's moods.
Estel finally uncovered his eyes and looked up at Legolas. Rather than anger or disappointment he saw love and acceptance. He felt terrible for snapping at his best friend, but sometimes, like now, he couldn't help it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean snap."
"It's fine. No harm done." Estel moved over and rested his forehead against Legolas's chest. Legolas wrapped both arms around him and gave him a much needed hug. Estel felt better just for the brief contact with the elf. He finally snaked his arms around Legolas and hugged him back.
Finally almost everyone had arrived so they were forced out into the dining room. Estel took his seat as fast as he could because he didn't' want any of the Mirkwood Royal guards to see his belly. Many of them were his friends and he just couldn't stand the embarrassment right now. His seat was between Elrond and Thranduil. He could feel his leg start to bounce with nerves, he tried to stop it.
Estel never liked these formal dinners. They were always so loud and stuffy and made him feel claustrophobic. This one was no different. It was hot in the hall, even though Elrond had ordered every window opened to its fullest. Partially because he wanted the room to be cooler for the human, and partially to help dissipate some of the food smells. He understood his son's canine like nose made him very sensitive. Right now the only thing that Estel could smell clearly, was the rainstorm brewing outside.
Estel was fine during the first two courses. As he promised Elrond, he sat quietly and pretended to eat what was given to him. In reality he just made a game of drawing pictures with his food. If he thought about them like paints rather than food, they didn't make him feel quite so queasy. He had managed to choke down a few bites of potato though.
It hadn't been bad so far. Thranduil had only talked to him once. The king had questioned by he drank lemonade while everyone else had wine. Estel had simply answered. "Any type of alcohol makes me feel sick. I can't stand the taste or the smell." Thranduil had almost smiled at that. His lady wife had been the same way when she was pregnant with Legolas.
The problem occurred when the main course arrived. The servants came and cleared away the dishes from the second course, and one smiled at Estel understanding why he hadn't eaten a bite from his plate. She had covertly patted him on the back as she took his plate. Estel began to think that he might survive after all until it hit him. That smell, that rancid, sweet, carrion like smell: rabbit. He vaguely heard Thranduil telling everyone that the MIrkwood guard had caught them and his own chef prepared the special dish, the princes favourite. Estel groaned trying to get Elrond's attention.
Because of the number of people present, the high table had to be pushed against a wall, Estel could not leave until either Elrond, or five people to his right got up. Estel put his napkin over his mouth and tried again to get his father's attention. Just about the time that Elrond questioned Thranduil what the dish was, Estel muttered, "oh gods, rabbit." This all occurred a split second before Estel leaned over and vomited on the floor, hitting the side of Thranduil's robes.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Estel immediately apologized as soon as he was able. He covered his mouth his napkin again, trying to block the smell out again. Thranduil just glared at him with cold blue eyes filled with rage.
"You stupid, useless human." Thranduil roared and then smacked Estel soundly across his left cheek. The blow knocked him out of his chair onto the floor between him and Elrond. Everyone in Estel's family rose at once to advance on the king, but Estel would not allow that to happen.
"Don't worry, I am alright. I deserved that." Estel got off of the floor and sat back down, using his napkin to blot at the cut on his cheek. He prayed his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt. He could hear thunder rumble outside and rain begin to pound the ground. It disturbed Estel that he could hear anything outside because that meant the groom was dead quiet and everyone was looking at him. He could feel his face blanch. He wanted to run away as fast as he could, but he knew that he couldn't.
"Yes, you did. You have ruined my robes. I hope you are happy." Thranduil's angry tone drew his attention.
"I am sorry, sir."
"Sir?!? You peon, I am no sir. It is your majesty. I thought Elrond would have taught you better." Estel felt his eyes burn with shame. He hadn't mean to get sick.
"I am sorry," Before Estel could finish what he was saying, Elrond interrupted. He would not allow is child to be treated like this while he still drew breath.
"Yes, yes. Everyone here knows you rank. We tend not to stand on formality. You do not hear anyone address me as High King." Elrond calculated the comment to sting he knew Thranduil hated being reminded that if Elrond chose, he would be the high king of the Noldor as the heir of Gil- Galad and through his own family. But Elrond was not done yet. "Nor do you hear anyone refer to Glorfindel as lord of the House of the GoldenFlower." That was a direct hit. Glorfindel's house had been second only to the royal house of Gondolin.
Thranduil fumed silently as the dinner was served and the mess cleaned up. After a few minutes, Elrond turned to Estel and whispered. "Why don't you go lie down? You look worn out."
"Thank you." Estel slipped out of the hall and then ran down the hallway.
He tried to go to his room, but he could still smell the rabbit in their. He quickly changed is clothes and tied his hair back, just in case the smell had sunk in, and went to the covered balcony at the far end of the house. The wind and rain whipped around him mixing with his tears. He sometimes wondered how Elrond dealt with having so much power. If it had been him, he didn't know if he would be able to fight the urge to call the river and drown that self-righteous king.
Estel sat on the balcony tucked away from the rain for several hours. Finally Legolas approached him.
"There you are, I have been looking all over for you. Why aren't you in bed? It is late." Legolas sat down beside Estel on the bench.
"I can still smell the cooking rabbit. It is windy enough out here that I can't." Estel sniffled. He hadn't even realized he was still crying.
"Oh."
"Besides, I didn't want to see anyone." Estel mentally smacked himself. He didn't mean Legolas.
"I will leave you alone then. I just wanted to make sure you were alright." Legolas stood stiffly to leave.
"I didn't mean it like that. Please stay." Legolas sat back down
"Are you alright?"
"Just dandy." Estel could feel tears start to work their way down his face again. Legolas wiped one away.
"It will be ok, love."
"No it won't."
"It will, everything will be ok."
"Stop saying that!" Estel angrily said as he batted Legolas's hand away from his face. "It is not ok and it is not going to be ok. I just tossed my cookies on your father in the middle of dinner. How could things possibly be ok?" Estel dropped his head. The movement made his cheek hurt. He could tell he would have a nasty bruise by morning.
"I know that it seems bad, but it really isn't. I explained to him about how rabbit always makes you sick. He understands. He just didn't know. Legolas again reached out and this time Estel allowed himself to be touched.
"How am I supposed to look him in the eye? I ran out of the room crying this morning, and now throw up on him. He is never going to accept me." Estel looked down. Silently thinking "or my daughter either." Legolas didn't know what to say.
A short time later, Estel unfolded himself from the bench.
"Where are your going?" Legolas was worried about Estel. He hadn't seen him this unhappy in weeks.
"To go throw up." Estel sniffled again. "I'll see you in the morning." Estel left a worried elf watching the storm rage.
TBC
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. Good thing too, because if I did, I might get angry at the way people treat them.
ESTEL/ESTELLE
Estel woke to a bed softer than his own and the feeling of a warm cuddly elf spooned up behind him. It felt good. Last night the two of them had come back to Legolas's room after dinner and talked for hours until Estel had fallen asleep wrapped in the elf's arms. It was such a nice feeling. However, his stomach did not feeling very nice. He felt like someone was stirring the contents with a spoon. He searched blearily on the side table for his waybread, before realizing he was not in his own room. He swore under his breath. If he moved he would wake Legolas and the last thing he wanted was an overly attentive elf hovering around him when he was ill, but if he didn't do something soon he would feel worse.
Just as he decided that me would try and slip back to his own room, Legolas hugged him tighter, pinning him down. Estel sighed and tried to go back to sleep. It didn't work. All at once it felt like the person stirring his stomach suddenly reversed direction and Estel could feel his mouth start to salivate. He wished he had some water. He tried one more time to ignore it and go back to sleep even though it was past time to get up. He only managed to put off the inevitable for a few more minutes.
About five minute later he had no choice but to jump up and run for the washroom, or make a terrible mess of Legolas's sheets. The only problem was that the blissfully sleeping elf was on lying on Estel's hair. He tried to ease it out from under Legolas, that didn't work. Then he tried one quick yank, which caused pain and the loss of quite a large chunk hair, but he was free. Estel made it to the privy just in time.
Legolas was rudely awakened by the rather abrupt removal of his silky pillow. By the time he got his bearings, he could hear Estel vomiting in his washroom. Legolas sighed, covering his head with a pillow. If he didn't know better, he would swear that the Ranger actually liked puking, as often as he did it.
Legolas waited a few minutes till all seemed quiet before he got up to check on Estel. He knocked on the door as he entered and found Estel sitting on the floor with his head resting on the side of the privy. Legolas crouched down and pushed Estel's unbound hair back from his face. He noted that Estel looked paler than usual, but still just as beautiful to him.
"Are you ok, sweetheart?" Legolas ran his hand down his love's arm until he was holding Estel's hand. "Why do you insist on asking me that? I am sitting on the floor of a washroom with my head hanging in a privy throwing up. I think it is pretty self-evident I am not ok." Estel snapped. He would never understand why people insisted on asking him how he was feeling when he was obviously not feeling well. He didn't mean to be cross at Legolas, he was just tired of feeling sick and tired of waking up every morning feeling like he needed to throw up. He couldn't wait for it to all go away.
"I'm sorry; I was just worried about you. I didn't mean to make you mad." Legolas refused to look at Estel when he talked. Great, now Estel felt guilty too.
"No, I am sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just don't feel very well right now. I guess it is making me cranky." Estel finally sat up straight. Legolas pulled him back to rest against the elf's chest and Estel enjoyed the feeling. He was tired of being left alone when he was sick. He knew it made him sound weak, but sometimes he just wanted someone to sit with him, hold his hand, and tell him it would all be over soon. Instead, he usually ended up spending a few hours curled up on a cold stone floor by himself, trying not to cry. "That is all right. I am sorry you aren't feeling well. Is there anything I can do?" Estel just shook his head no and tried to ignore the strange smell in Legolas's washroom. He couldn't tell what it was, but it was getting stronger and starting to make him feel nauseas again. Soon it was too much and he leaned forward and vomited again. Legolas held his hair for him.
As soon as he was sure he wasn't going to get sick again, Estel ran out of the bathing room holding his breath. He sat down on Legolas's bed, but could still smell the strange smell. He could feel his mouth start to water.
"I'm going back to my room." Estel said over his shoulder as he darted out of Legolas's room, leaving a gaping elf behind him. Legolas decided he would go to the kitchen and have the cooks make some peppermint and ginger tea to settle Estel's stomach. It had helped the human greatly over the last few weeks and he would no doubt thank Legolas greatly for his thoughtfulness.
When he arrived in Estel's room, he found the human curled on his side hugging a pillow with one bent leg propped up on it, eyes closed. Legolas sat on the edge of the bed and saw Estel clamp his teeth shut.
"I brought you some of your tea."
"Thank you just put it on the table." Estel didn't even open his eyes.
"Aren't you going to drink it?"
"Later."
"You know it will make you feel better." Legolas put the tea right in front of the Ranger and Estel jerked back from it.
"Please, just put it over there somewhere."
"Estel, drink the tea. You obviously need it." The elf moved it directly under Estel's nose.
"Legolas, if you don't get that damn tea out of my face you are going to be wearing it." Estel barked. He could already tell he was going to throw up again.
Legolas finally relented after Estel's harsh words and leaned forward to put the tea on the nightstand. "Sorry, love, I just thought it would make you feel better."
When Estel felt the bed move under Legolas he gritted his teeth, screwed his eyes shut and moaned. "Stop moving the bed." Even though his mind told him the mattress barely moved he still felt like Legolas was jumping up and down on it.
"Sorry, sweetheart, I didn't mean to." Legolas began to realize that nothing he did would please Estel right now. But there was a large part of him that wanted to do something to make his love feel better. "Is there nothing I can do to ease your suffering?"
"Just don't move." Estel hated feeling like this. It was so much worse than a normal illness. Normally once you vomited you feel better, but it only made him feel worse. There was no way for him to predict when he would feel this bad. He still felt nauseous 24 hours a day, but he had learned to function regardless. But sometimes it would become so bad he almost couldn't stand it, like now. Luckily, the tea Elrond had given him worked well in stopping it, but only if he drank it before he felt this bad. The only thing that would help was sleeping through it.
"Maybe you should try to eat something? Doesn't that usually help?" Legolas couldn't stand sitting there watching Estel look so miserable.
"Good god no! I can't." Just mere act of talking about food was enough to make Estel head for the washroom again, Legolas on hot on his heels.
Lord Elrond walked down the hall in search of Legolas. King Thranduil had been spotted entering the outer portion of Rivendell and Elrond thought it prudent that the prince be there to greet the King when he arrived at the door. After checking the prince's room and finding him absent, he checked his own foster child's room and found him. Legolas was in the washroom holding Estel's hair for him while the human dry heaved.
"Good morning, Legolas. I suppose it doesn't look like a very good morning for you, Estel." Elrond smiled sympathetically at his child.
"I've had better." Estel whispered, which was about all he had the strength for at that moment. Estel flopped his head back down so it was resting on his arm, which was on the side of the privy bowl. Legolas lovingly stroked his sweetie's hair. "Legolas, I hate to interrupt you at such a delicate time, but your father is almost here and I think it would be best if you were waiting to meet him when he arrived." Elrond left unspoken his thought that the prickly king would throw a fit if his son was not dutifully there waiting for him and Elrond just didn't want to deal with that.
"I don't want to leave Estel alone." Legolas looked back, with concern, at the sick human who had zoned out slightly during the conversation.
"Don't worry about it, go, meet your father. I am used to doing this by my self anyway. I promise, I will be down as soon as I can." Estel gave a weak smile to his friend. He wanted Legolas to see his father, but he also didn't fancy the thought of being ill with no one to rub his back and tell him it would be ok. It sounded ridiculous, but it was remarkably soothing.
"Are you sure? I don't want you to be upset." Legolas was really just looking for any excuse to avoid his father. He was not looking forward to explaining why the king had been summoned to Rivendell.
"I am sure. Besides, I feel better already. Just let me lay down for a bit and I will feel right as rain." Estel smiled to give his statement more meaning. Legolas smiled back. It was a bald face lie, but the elf didn't have to know that.
"Ok, I will see you at breakfast then." Legolas planted a feather soft kiss on Estel's forehead. He knew the Ranger was lying, but it meant a lot to him that he would go through the trouble. Legolas left to go meet his father with a great deal of dread in his heart. Sometimes he was jealous of Estel, Elladan, and Elrohir because their father was so much more agreeable and less domineering than his own. At times he considered Rivendell to be more of a home to him than Mirkwood and that was no way for royalty to think.
After Legolas left, Elrond turned to his youngest with a critical eye. He knew better than to ask if the young human was alright, so instead he asked. "Are you going to be alright?"
"Yes, the sickness is just particularly bad this morning." Estel still hadn't moved from leaning on the side of the privy.
"Ok, come down when you feel up to it. Thranduil will be expecting you." Elrond placed a gentle hand on his child's shoulder for support than left to go and meet the king of Mirkwood.
Down the hall Legolas paced nervously back and forth. Though he had literally had months to think on it, he had no idea how to explain this situation to his father. Thranduil had never been the type to try and push his son into a loveless marriage, yet he knew that his father expected him to marry a fine Elvin noble woman. He knew his father had always harboured a secret desire and fear that Legolas would marry Elrond's daughter Arwen. Though Legolas found her beautiful and charming, she meant no more to him than any other beautiful and charming elf maid. The only one who made his blood burn was Estel, and considering how little Thranduil thought of the Ranger, his father was not going to be happy.
Finally the inevitable happened and the king arrived. He threw the few belongings he had carried with him at an attendant, while tossing his reigns to a groom without even acknowledging them. Legolas could see Elrond bristle at the treatment of his staff, but the half elf held his tongue as he greeted the king.
"Thranduil, how good of you to travel to my humble valley. We have been awaiting your arrival." 'With dread' Elrond thought, but did not say. He had the forced smile on his face that Gil-Galad had taught him.
Legolas shifted from foot to foot trying to hide his nervousness and failing miserably. He wished he had Elrond's composure.
"Elrond. Your valley is a god forsaken distance from my home. I wonder why my son travels it at all." Thranduil said haughtily. Trying to get the upper hand over the half elf. Elrond's expression began to look more like a rictus grimace than a smile.
"Father." Legolas stepped forward arms extended for a hug that the older elf dismissed. Legolas tried not to look sad. Elrond always greeted him with a hug.
"So why had you summoned me here Legolas? Do you not think I have more important things to do than tramp all over middle earth on your whim?"
Legolas's mouth suddenly went dry under Thranduil's penetrating gaze. Elrond tried to decide whether he should step in or not. He decided against it considering he was still slightly cross with the prince for having gotten his child pregnant. "There is something that I needed to tell you that could not be said through a letter, and I could not leave Rivendell to tell you either. My continued presence here is essential." Legolas paused to try and collect his thoughts.
"After such a long ride, no doubt it would feel good to stretch your muscles out. Why do you not take a turn in the gardens?" Elrond interrupted unable to watch Legolas squirm anymore. Maybe he wasn't as angry as he thought he was. Legolas smiled at the half elf and led his father out into the spacious and well kept gardens of Imladris.
Upstairs, Estel finally managed to drag himself back to bed. He decided that dry heaving was the single worst feeling in the world, which was unfortunate, since he had spent the last twenty minutes doing it. Sometimes he wondered if it was actually possible to turn yourself inside out. He made it to the middle of his bed and collapsed in an exhausted heap. He didn't have the strength to climb to the top of the bed, so instead he dragged a pillow down from the top and curled around it. He wished it were a nice warm Legolas he was curled around, but a pillow would have to do for now. He closed his eyes and did his best to try and doze off.
Just as he felt his body relax into sleep, someone knocked loudly on his door and barged in before even waiting for an answer. Estel didn't even open his eyes. He hoped if he played dead, like he felt, than they would go away. No such luck.
"Estel! What are you still doing in bed?" Elladan sounded annoyed.
"Trying to sleep if you must know." Estel thought it was pretty obvious what he was doing.
"Well get up. Thranduil is here." Elladan could not believe that his foster brother was not down stairs right now with Legolas and Elrond trying to appease the obnoxious king. Instead his lazy brother was lying in bed not even dressed yet.
"Elladan" Estel started slowly as if he were talking to a dimwit. "I have just spent thirty of the last forty-five minutes with my head hanging in a privy trying to see if you can actually throw up your stomach. I just want to rest for a little while." Estel tried not to sound half as annoyed as he felt.
"Well if you feel bad than drink you tea." Elladan took the cup of tea sitting on the side table and placed it in Estel's face.
Estel could feel his stomach give a sickening turn and swatted the tea away with more force than he should have. The tea ended up all over Elladan and the carpet as the Ranger half yelled and half moaned. "Get that out of my face." He curled tighter around the pillow.
"Look, Estel. I know you don't feel well, but it is your fault that Thranduil is here and it is not fair that you are up here sleeping while everyone else is downstairs trying to deal with him. It is your responsibility to help with him, so get down there and do it." Elladan was angry and spoke more harshly than he should have. But he had the satisfaction of Estel sitting up before he left the room.
"Like I asked for any of this to happen." Estel whispered as his brother left. He didn't want to get up, but Elladan had made him feel guilty enough to drive him from his bed.
Estel quickly washed his face and tied his hair back in a rather messy ponytail. He then dressed in a very baggy pair of pants and a shirt. Over the shirt he put on a tunic with front ties. He then belted the whole thing. However, the pressure from the belt on his stomach made the Ranger wretch uselessly into the sink. He quickly discarded the belt and not wanting to take any chances untied his tunic as well. He looked at himself in the mirror and realized he looked terrible, but right now he didn't care. With one last longing look at his bed, Estel trudged downstairs to breakfast.
When the Ranger arrived at the table no one but Elrohir was present yet. The younger twin gave him an encouraging smile as he slid into his seat. Estel felt awful, purely and simply awful and he wanted to go right back to bed and hide his head under the covers until he felt better. But knowing he couldn't do that, he did the next best thing and rested his head on his folded arms and tried to concentrate on anything other than his churning tummy.
Some time later, it could have been one minute or one hour, Estel could not tell the difference, Elladan arrived. The eldest twin looked at his foster brother with a mixed sense of satisfaction and sympathy. Next came Elrond, who was slightly surprised to so see his youngest at the table. The half elf made his way into the kitchen to speak with the cooks about making some tea for Estel before he took his seat at the head of the table. Finally Thranduil arrived looking cross. He flopped himself into the chair beside Estel and glared at the Ranger. The dozing human was completely oblivious.
Thranduil watched Estel rest, growing more and more irritated. How dare that useless human use a dining table as a bed. Elrond had spoiled him far too much. He should be standing in the corner ready to serve, not acting like he was the prince or rather princess of the palace. He could hold his tongue no longer. "Do you always let your pets sleep at the table, Half Elf?" The comment had been designed to rankle. Thranduil had always found it to be most amusing to try and get a rise out of the famously placid Lord Elrond.
As soon as Estel heard Thranduil's voice, he jerked himself into a sitting position. He had not actually meant to fall asleep, much less be caught that way by the king. Estel spoke up before Elrond or his brothers could rise to his defense and start an argument. "I am sorry, my lord, it was very rude of me to rest my head on the table. It will not happen again."
"I should hope not." Thranduil harrumphed as he crossed his arms over his chest. Even though he didn't get the reaction he wanted out of his fellow elflord, he did enjoy watching the human shrink in on himself. Thranduil did have to admit that Estel made a fairly attractive woman. If he were to fix his hair and put on better close he could almost be pretty.
Legolas had explained to him on their walk around the gardens how Estel had been changed from a man into a woman. It was all quite odd as far as Thranduil was concerned, but there was nothing he could do about it. But some useless human changing gender still did not explain why Legolas had been so insistent that he come to Rivendell. Thranduil continued to watch the human for any clues.
Before the king could finish his scrutiny, Legolas finally arrived looking slightly tense. On his way to his seat he walked by and stroked Estel's hair, starting at the crown of his head and ending half way down his ponytail. Estel tried to hide his vexation at it. He hated people petting him like he was some kind of animal. It reminded him of when he was little and everyone used to pat him on the head in the same way they did to Glorfindel's dogs. Even as a man he stood several inches shorter than most of the elves and now he was even shorter than that. It annoyed him to death that they all seemed to think this gave them free reign to ruffle his hair or pat him on the head. The only thing worse, was all of the woman wanting to touch his stomach. But he also realized that with the mood his was in right now it wouldn't take much to make him start screaming or crying.
Before anything further could be said, Elrond stiffly ordered the servants to bring in breakfast. Even though everyone else ate with hardy appetites, Estel wouldn't even put any food on his plate, much less in his mouth. The young human just sat looking down at his lap where he was twisting his napkin into a tight knot.
"Estel?" The Ranger started at the sound of his name even though the tone was gentle and familiar. "Do you want to try some dry toast?" Elrond continued smoothly as if nothing had happened.
"No thank you." Estel didn't think he could hold down toast or anything else right now.
"Alright. Drink some tea then." Elrond handed Estel a cup of tea that a servant had handed him. Estel accepted the tea and stirred a spoonful of honey into it. He then slowly spooned some into his mouth like he was drinking soup. Both Legolas and Elladan stared at Estel incredulously. Why would he drink his tea when Elrond told him to, but not either one of them?
The rest of breakfast passed in a tense silence.
When breakfast was finished, Elrond turned to Estel with a sympathetic smile. "Estel, my dear, why do you not go back to your chamber for bit while Thranduil settles in. Then meet us in my study in, say, two hours so we can discuss the situation." Elrond took great pleasure in watching Thranduil's look of displeasure when Elrond did not use his title. Estel did not even answer. He simply rose from the table and shuffled out of the dining room back towards his rooms.
Once back alone in his room, Estel vomited back up the tea he had drunk, as he knew he would. Afterwards he splashed cool water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror. He had not gotten much sleep in the past few days and it showed. He had dark circles under his eyes and they looked sunken. And though he had managed to put on almost two pounds in the last month, which was the first time he had put on weight during his pregnancy, his cheeks still looked hollow and bony. He guessed that they would though, since he had lost nearly twenty pounds since he had gotten pregnant. But then he looked down at his ever-expanding belly and banished any thoughts about looking too skinny. At 22 weeks, his stomach was not nearly as large as a human woman's would be, but it was still large enough to not be mistaken for anything other than pregnancy. He could still hide it under baggy clothes though, as he still tended to do. Partially out of embarrassment and discomfort at the idea of being pregnant, and partially because pressure on his stomach often made him feel nauseas, like everything else.
Finally he returned to his sleeping room and collapse in a heap on the bed. He knew that he needed to sleep, but his mind was in too much turmoil to rest. So instead he contented himself with resting his eyes and thinking over all of the things that had gone wrong in his life over the last six months. However he could not work up any real anger. He realized that he was willing to take all of the bad things that had happened to him just for the one good thing of having his daughter. That thought shocked Estel slightly. He could not tell when exactly or how, but at some point he had stopped being angry, unhappy, or just resigned about the whole pregnancy and was now truly happy about it. He still had his worries about what kind of a parent he would be and over his dreams of her life rarely having him present, but now he really did want her.
After two hours, Estel rolled over onto his side and tried to avoid having to get up. He ran his hand over his belly and spoke. "Well, kiddo, are you ready to go and talk to your grandfather?" She didn't answer him so he took that as a yes and headed for Elrond's study. Not feeling any better, but not feeling any worse.
Elrond waited in is study busying himself with setting out tea. He had sent the servant away because he needed something to do to keep his mind off of what was about to happen. It was a common misconception that just because Elrond tended not to show emotion that he didn't have them. He had them alright, and now he was feeling a great deal of worry and anger. As he thought on how to broach the subject to the unpleasant king, his door opened and closed almost silently. It would take one with Elvin hearing to have detected the movement, but Elrond heard it. He also knew who it was before he even looked up. There was only one creature in all of Middle Earth who could move that silently.
"Glorfindel, what brings you here, I know how you detest the smell of books?" It was an old joke between the two friends based on stereotypes. Outsiders always assumed the bookish half elf hated weapons and combat and that the valiant Lord Glorfindel hated books and quiet pursuits. It was all lies, but it made them both laugh.
"I thought you could use the support." Glorfindel knew his friend well, and knew that Elrond was keeping his calm through training alone. They both hated Thranduil about as much as they hated any creature of Morgoth. He figured that his presence would help to keep Elrond calmer and give Thranduil another target for his ire besides Estel.
It was a well known fact around Elvin society that Glorfindel had had a forty year long affair with Thranduil's queen. This of course was a century before Legolas was born, but it had always bothered the king to no end. When Glorfindel was around Thranduil could rarely think straight for his anger. The golden haired elf was counting on that fact in order to help ease the tension between Thranduil and Elrond. He only hoped that he could control his own anger. It was one thing when the Mirkwood king was being nasty to him; it was entirely different when he was hurting his family. And yes, Elrond and his kin were the closest thing to family Glorfindel had left outside of Valinor.
Elrond smiled at his best friend, brother in every way but blood, and set an extra tea setting for him.
Not long after Glorfindel arrived, Estel slunk into the room. He moved like a person afraid he was about to get hit any moment. It broke Elrond's heart to see his son looking as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs in his own home. Estel took a seat in the corner of the room on his favourite chase lounge overlooking the garden. After he sat down, Estel pulled his knees up to his chest as far as he could and rested his head on them. Elrond couldn't help but notice how his youngest's hands were shaking slightly and he looked even more peaked than usual. He handed the Ranger a cup of honey-sweetened tea designed to help settle the pregnant human's, no doubt, queasy tummy. He also handed his foster child a plate of cracked wheat crackers hoping to tempt him to eat.
Estel absently sipped at his tea and blatantly ignored the crackers until Legolas and Thranduil arrived, but then nerves made him feel too ill to drink anymore. He watched as all of the elves stared at each other as if waiting for the other to say the first thing. It was like a game of "who blinks first," but on a much higher level. Luckily they were all ignoring Estel.
Finally Thranduil spoke up, his voice sounding loud and booming in the near total silence. The only other sound was that of the wind outside, which had picked up intensity over the past few minutes. "So what is going on here that you cannot handle without me so I have to leave my kingdom to come your little valley?" Thranduil leveled each elf with his gaze. He purposely left out the human, not quite sure why he was there.
"I think your son should be the one to tell you." Elrond spoke quietly. Outwardly he was as calm as a lake on a spring day. Inwardly he was raging like a tornado. Thunderheads began to build in the east threatening to douse the valley.
"Well, speak up boy." Thranduil had had enough. If his son was the one he needed to talk to, then why did Elrond and that annoying blonde imp of his have to be present? And why couldn't his son have just written him a letter telling him? Though Thranduil thought he already knew. Though not a lore master like Elrond or a tactical genius like Glorfindel, or even a seer like Galadreal, he still managed to put one and one together and come up with three. He had caught a glimpse of Estel as he had left the table. The young human was dressed like a vagabond, but it could not completely hide the bulge in his belly. He had put that together with the apparent illness this morning along with the familiar way in which Legolas acted around the human. Thranduil was fairly certain that the Ranger was pregnant with the next heir to the throne of Mirkwood and he didn't like it at all.
"Adar," Legolas took a deep breath. "Estel his with child. My child." There, he had said it. He wondered briefly if this was how Estel felt when he had come to talk to Legolas about aborting their daughter. However before he could ponder the topic seriously, he felt a solid slap land on is left cheek. His hand immediately went to his face to rub at the sore spot. Why was he always the one to get hit when people found out? He absently thought.
"How dare you?" Thranduil roared and Legolas waited for the next blow to come. His father rarely hit him that was not his way. Thranduil had long ago learned that telling his sensitive son that he was disappointed in the prince was far more effective and painful. But the next blow never came. Instead Legolas noticed that Thranduil had turned his rage to the human in the corner. "This is all a lie, a sham for you to trap my son in marriage."
"No, sir." Estel said meekly. He pulled his knees tighter to his chest compressing his belly slightly. It was uncomfortable, but made him feel safer. Normally he would have risen to the challenge if anyone else had insulted him, but Thranduil had this annoying way of making him feel like an insignificant worm. It was as if the king knew all of his secret insecurities and gave them voice.
"Prove it then, prove that you are carrying Legolas's child." Thranduil looked haughtily down at the cowering human.
"How?" The king had expected begging, not a calm question from the human.
Thranduil stood quickly and walked over to Estel and grabbed him by an arm, hauling him into a standing position. Estel did not resist. Elrond rose and so did Glorfindel, but Thranduil turned to them and said. "Back off Mongrel, and take your imp with you." Thunder clapped in the distance just as three huge arcs of lightening cut across the sky. Thranduil then forcibly put his hand under Estel's shirt, feeling his belly. Estel tried to move away, but he was backed up against the lounge he had been sitting on so there was nowhere for him to go. He didn't like the feeling of rough hands poking and prodding him, but he knew if he reacted too badly it would start a fight.
After a short time, Thranduil seemed to have satisfied himself and released Estel. The Ranger sank back down onto the lounge. Elrond noticed that his hands were shaking worse, but his time it was from emotion. Thranduil did not seem to challenge that the child was his son's again, but he was not finished by a long shot.
"This is not acceptable. This child cannot be born."
"Excuse me?" Elrond finally could hold his tongue no longer.
"I thought even you would have seen this by now. This child cannot be allowed to be born. There is no place for it in this world."
"Why not?"
"The world needs no more mongrels like you." Thranduil yelled. "This never would have been an issue had your ridiculous twin brother just died in disgrace rather than founding a line of half breed kings." Thranduil knew the whole thing was Estel's fault. There was a reason there were so few half elves in Middle Earth, in fact the only ones were from Elrond's family. The reason had little to do with the Valar forcing them to choose, and more to do with biology. An elf was simply a more complicated being than a human. Generally if the two wanted to have children it had to be the male who was human because a female human was not strong enough to carry and birth an elf. Estel's Elvin blood was enough to stop the pregnancy from aborting itself, but even Thranduil could see that the Ranger was having a devilishly hard time of it. In Thranduil's mind, had not Estel had Elvish blood, he would not have been pregnant with a member of the royal house of Mirkwood.
Elrond could stand many things, but anyone attacking his family was not one of them. It was true that Elros had been dead for centuries, but that did not make Elrond miss him any less or love him any less. All he had left of his brother was the line of kings he had started and the most recent installment sat miserably by the window trying to make himself as inconspicuous as possible.
Elrond leapt from the table, but before he could reach the king to throttle him, he notice that Glorfindel already held a wickedly sharp sword at his throat. "I think you have forgotten yourself, Thranduil." Glorfindel smiled sweetly at the king.
"I see that you take your job from the Valar seriously. Do you always threaten Elrond's guests?" Thranduil referred to the fact that Glorfindel had been sent back by the Valar, after his death, for the sole purpose of protecting the house of Elrond.
"I protect them because the Valar wish me to, I do it well because I love them. You would do well to remember that." Glorfindel finally removed the sword and took his seat again. But the bickering did not stop. All four elves argued about what to do with Estel and his child without even so much as turning to look at him. Thranduil and Elrond both tried to blame the other's child, while Glorfindel tried to calm things down. Finally Estel could take no more of it. The sound was making his head spin and he just wanted quiet.
Thranduil again rounded on the young human who felt dizzied by all of the noise. The others were arguing amongst themselves, leaving Thranduil to say what he liked to Estel "Why did you let this happen, you fool? You did this on purpose. Why didn't you abort the thing when you found out about it? Now we all have to clean up your mess because you were too much of a coward to do the right thing. You are as weak as the rest of the men from your family. I am glad you are not a king, because if the fate of the world rested on your shoulders we would all be in dire straights."
Estel shook his head "no" while Thranduil ridiculed him. He didn't know what to say to defend himself, because everything that the king said was something he had already thought. Legolas's father was again reminding him of his own insecurities and he felt each one like the crack of a whip against bare flesh. "It is my fault." Estel whispered drawing everyone else's attention. Tears began to slide down his face and he angrily wiped them away. He hated showing weakness in front of Thranduil, but his body betrayed him. "I tried to get rid of her, but I couldn't." Estel gasped as his tears threatened to overwhelm him. "I tried, but I couldn't do it. I know it would be easier for everyone, but I love her too much to kill her. I am sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." Estel couldn't take it anymore. He ran from the room out of the door and towards the waterfalls. He ran as fast as he could away from their accusing eyes, sympathy, and anger. If Thranduil wanted, he would never take her to Mirkwood, even if that meant never seeing Legolas again. But that thought brought more pain than it ever had before.
Estel finally reached the river and curled up on the same rock he had sat on and cried a few months ago when he had thought about aborting her. This time he felt no less lonely and the tears were no less bitter. He cried until he could barely breath, but still he could hear their yelling and Thranduil's accusations. He thought about what he could do to help the situation. He could leave. He could run away and go and live in a big city, or out in the Wilds, but he knew he still wasn't strong enough to take care of himself. He doubted he would even make it out of the valley considering the way he felt, much less to a large city. Then there was still the problem of how he would support the two of them. The prospect of leaving his safe home was no more appealing now than it had been when he had first considered it several months ago.
It took the human a good half hour to stop crying, but finally he managed to get control of himself. When he finally did he rubbed his hand along the side of his stomach and spoke to his daughter. "I am sorry you had to hear that, sweetheart. I wanted you to grow up knowing how much everyone loved you. I love you though and I won't let Thranduil or anyone else hurt you. I'll find a way to make sure that you are safe from people like him. I promise." Estel could have sworn he felt a fluttering in his mind, like the feel of a bubble floating past your face, but when he concentrated on it, it was gone. But somehow he had gotten the impression that the bubble meant love. Estel pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them trying to make her feel as safe and protected as he could.
Being mid-August, the weather was hot and sticky, especially with the thunderheads still in the east. But the valley itself was still sunny and hot. Estel basked on his rock for several hours not wanting to go back to house. He was embarrassed over the way he had acted, and more than a little frightened of how he would react when he had to face the king again. He wanted Thranduil to think of him as strong and worthy of carrying a member of both of their royal houses, but he knew that the king just thought he was weak and useless. The way he had run out of the room crying had not helped matters at all.
As the day crept from early afternoon into late afternoon, Estel heard a rustle coming from the direction of the house. His first instinct was to try and hide, but then he realized that it would be useless. Any elf would be able to find him almost instantly. So he resigned himself to having to talk to someone, even though the really wanted to be left alone. He concentrated on the approaching person trying to figure out who it was; all he could tell was that there were at least two of them. "Great, probably my brothers." Estel really didn't want to deal with his overprotective brothers. The last thing he needed was to have them pick a fight with Thranduil in his defense. He thought about hiding again.
But luck was on his side, more or less anyway, when the interloper cam bounding out of the trees and immediately made a bee line to try and jump on his lap. The hundred pounds of happy dog was shortly followed by Glorfindel. Theoretically, Estel was not surprised to see the blond elf. Where ever the dog was, the elflord would not be far behind. Glorfindel was really the only one in Rivendell that kept pets, most elves chose not to because their lives were so long that the life of a dog hardly seemed worth the effort, but Glorfindel was different. He had a special talent for animals and they always responded to him and him to them. Estel had appreciated that when he had first arrived here. He had been a scared little boy who had lost his father and his mother was too grief stricken to be bothered with him. She had died less than a month after their arrival in the valley. Estel had been frightened of the elves and felt isolated because he didn't speak their language or understand their customs. He wanted to go back and live with the Rangers, but he didn't know how to get there. One night, just after his mother's death, he had tried to run away. With all of his four three old cunning he had attempted to make his way back to the Ranger camp. He had actually managed to elude most of the elves who had tried to follow him, but he had not been able to hide from Glorfindel and his dogs. Elrond had been with the golden haired elf when he had found Estel. Estel remembered being cold and afraid and feeling much safer and happier when the large dog had tracked him down. The huge beast had sat still and let Estel weep his pain into his fur while hanging onto the dog's neck. It wasn't until years later that Estel found out that Glorfindel and Elrond had been standing a short distance away watching the whole thing. Glorfindel had convinced Elrond that the young Estel would be more apt to break down in front of a dog than a bunch of elves he didn't know. Elrond had relented and had been surprised at how right his friend was. Glorfindel had later explained that he understood what it was like to wake up one morning and have everything you knew and loved gone and to find yourself in a strange place around strange people that you don't understand. Animals understand you no matter what.
Estel knew it wasn't that simple. The golden elflord had some kind of special Valar given gift which allowed him to communicate with animals the same way that Elrond was able to communicate with other elves and some humans. Sometimes Estel wished he could talk to animals too, but then figured that it would be difficult to eat something you could have a conversation with. In any event, Glorfindel soon arrived after his canine friend had licked Estel silly.
"Just like your father." The elflord said from the clearing. He knew Estel hadn't yet realized he was there. He had been enjoying watching the young Ranger play with his dog. For the first time in months Estel looked alive and happy again rather than like a walking zombie. The change was nice. Glorfindel made a mental note to invite Estel to take his dog for walks in the evening when he felt up to it.
"What do you mean? Covered in dog slobber." Estel tried not to look as startled as he was.
"Partially." Glorfindel pushed himself away from the tree and walked over to sit beside Estel. "Like Elrond, you claim you don't like animals then go play with them when you think that no one is looking." He winked to take any harshness out of the words.
"That is not true; I never said I didn't like animals."
"True, true. But actually I meant that just like your father and your grandfather before him, you head to water when you are upset. I think it must be something with your family line that wholly skipped your brothers." Sometimes he could see more resemblance between Estel and Elrond than he could between Elrond and his twin sons. Both Elrond and Estel had a quiet sort of authority that people responded to whether they wanted to or not. Estel's was still weak; he hadn't yet mastered how to be a leader. He was young and content to let others lead, but one day he would be a great leader. Glorfindel had no doubt about that.
"I didn't realize I was that obvious." Estel tried to joke.
"Well, running out of the room sobbing generally denotes an off balance emotional state, but then again you are pregnant so it is hard to read you." Glorfindel favoured Estel with one of his impish smiles. Estel smiled back but then it faded.
"I made a complete fool out of myself."
Glorfindel pondered his answer for a moment as he dug through the picnic basket he had brought. It was well into afternoon and Estel should eat something. Elrond insisted he take food with him when he left to go and talk to the human. Luckily Estel had lived with elves long enough that a pause in the conversation did not phase him. Elves would not be rushed. In fact, Estel acted more like and elf than a human most of the time anyway. Many years later, when he guarded Frodo, the hobbits would comment on how much the Ranger reminded them of Elrond and how spooky he was when he would stop talking for several minutes mid conversation to just stare into space.
Finally Glorfindel produced some crackers and a small container of peanut butter. "Come over here into the shade, I brought you some lunch." Glorfindel lead the human over towards the tree line so that they were out of the direct sunlight. Neither had to really worry about burning, but the spray from the falls would get onto the food. Estel flopped down far less gracefully than he used to. His balance was way off lately, he guessed it would only get worse. The dog immediately collapsed beside him using his thigh as a chin rest. Estel absently stroked his soft head.
Glorfindel slathered three of the crackers with peanut butter and put them on a napkin. He then poured two large glasses of lemonade before fishing his own food from the basket. He disliked peanut butter. He refused to eat anything that could double as an adhesive, but he knew Estel loved it. Estel drank his lemonade greedily, but only nibbled at his crackers. He had not realized how thirsty he had been. Glorfindel gave the Ranger more to drink, but also pointed to the crackers. Estel had only eaten half of one.
The two ate in silence for a while longer before Glorfindel finally said. "I thing Thranduil made himself look more of a fool than you."
"How? He didn't break into tears." Estel's bitterness was obvious.
"No, but he was no less a slave to his emotions. He reacted in anger and struck his own son. Then he said hurtful things to you. His reactions were on a purely emotional level. Had he thought rather than reacting, he would have realized that most of what he said was ridiculous. But then again, thinking never has been his strong suit."
"So he got angry, so did Ada. He didn't start balling like a child when someone insulted him. I feel like such an idiot." Estel put down his final cracker so he could return to petting the dog still using him for a chin rest.
"You shouldn't though."
"Why not? I proved to Thranduil that I was weak and stupid. There is no way he will ever accept me or my daughter now. I ruined everything."
"No you didn't. Eat your lunch." Glorfindel pointed to the final of the three crackers and then continued. "First off, what difference does it make what he thinks of you? It is highly unlikely that your daughter will ever sit on the throne of Mirkwood because Legolas could have a legitimate heir. She will always be welcome in Rivendell or among the Dunedin, so who cares if Thrandrool doesn't like her. Next, what happened this morning did nothing to change his opinion of you. Thranduil made up his mind about you a long time ago and nothing you did or didn't do today is going to change that. He has to get to know the real you, not what he thinks you are like. And, you have to understand that his opinion of you is coloured by his dislike for Elrond. Finally, so what if you were emotional. Who gives a fig? You are pregnant Estel; you are going to be emotional. It comes with the territory. I remember making Elrond's wife cry for two hours straight when she was carrying the twins because I brought her some wildflowers I found while hunting. There is nothing wrong with showing emotions sometimes. You don't have to be like Elrond in everything."
Estel thought about what Glorfindel said. "But it just seems so weak to cry all the time."
"Why, is it weak to laugh when something is funny? Is it weak to get angry when something goes wrong? What is the difference? We men, are taught that emotions are weak, but only some emotions. I wonder who determined which were strong and which were weak. I think women have it easier because they don't make those distinctions. And now that you are a woman, at least for the time being, you have the luxury of being as emotional as you want."
"I guess. I just wish I didn't feel so out of control all of the time. This morning I kept telling myself not to cry at what he said, but it didn't work any better than when I tell myself not be sick." Estel smiled ruefully while he ran his fingers down a silky ear.
"I can't give you any advice from experience, but I would guess that there is nothing you can do about it. Your emotions being upside down is no more under your control than getting hungry, thirsty, or sleepy. So don't worry about."
"I'll try."
"Come on. We should get back. Your father was about to send out the whole of the guard to find you. Besides, it is getting close to dinner time and we both need to clean up. The rest of the royal guard from Mirkwood have arrived and there will be a state dinner for them."
Estel groaned. "Do you think Ada will let me skip dinner?" Glorfindel rested a comforting hand on the Ranger's shoulder.
"I doubt it. If Thranduil is going to make the announcement about your daughter tonight, I think you have to be there."
"Great." Estel could feel his shoulders tense in worry.
Once back in the house, Estel immediately sought out his father. Elrond was in his private chambers getting ready for dinner, which meant that he was pacing back and forth trying to calm himself down enough to be civil. He could not remember the last time he was this angry. Not even the news that Legolas had taken advantage of his child had made him this mad. He wanted to stab out Thranduil's eyes with a hot fireplace poker and watch as the jelly cooked to the stick. Then he wanted to rip out his finger nails and slowly break every finger and toe. And that was just the beginning. All of these vengeful fantasies were swimming through his mind when he heard a soft knock at his door.
"Enter." The elflord snapped without meaning to.
Estel peaked his head in the door. He didn't realize his father was in such a bad mood. "Sorry, Ada, I didn't mean to bother you." Estel could feel tears spring to his eyes again. Damn it. he would not let them fall.
"Sorry Estel, sweetheart, I didn't know it was you." Elrond walked quickly to the door and ushered in his youngest. "How are you?"
"Ok I guess. Embarrassed, but I guess I'll live. What happened after I left?"
"We talked for a while longer before we all realized that it was useless. Then we broke for lunch. Legolas has been trying to talk some sense into his father ever since."
"Oh." Estel didn't know what he had been hoping to hear, but that certainly hadn't been it. "Ada, can I skip dinner?" Estel mentally crossed his fingers. He still vividly remembered the last stately dinner he had been forced to attend and he had no desire to faint in front of half of the Mirkwood guard.
"How are you feeling?" Elrond needed his child at dinner, but not at the risk of his health or pride.
"Like hell." Estel smile. Hell, was what he normally felt like. "Worse than usual anyway."
"How so?" Elrond sat down on the bed behind his Estel and began to brush out his hair. It was a still in a messy ponytail and Elrond thought it should be styled better for dinner. He had always love combing his wife's and his daughter's hair, Estel's hair was no different. Add to that the fact that his foster child still had not mastered the art of plaiting hair and Elrond realized what a service he was doing for both of them.
Estel relaxed at the feel of the brush sliding over his hair. It was almost hypnotic. "I just feel really nauseas. I'm having a hard time keeping anything down. Harder than it normally is." Estel hadn't meant to say the last sentence.
"What is usual like?"
"I don't know." Estel wanted to change the subject.
"Are you normally nauseas?"
"I guess so."
"Do you normally vomit?"
"Yeah, but not normally as many times as I have today." Elrond had gotten up and was selecting gold strands and beads to braid into Estel's hair.
"How many times were you ill today?" Elrond pretended to concentrate on searching, but was really interested in hearing about his child's health.
"Ten, maybe twelve times. I lost count." Estel looked down at his lap, ashamed at his weakness.
"What is normal for you?"
"I usually only throw up three or four times a day now. It really isn't as bad as it was." Estel tried to make it sound better than it really was. He didn't want to worry his father.
"I see." Elrond was in fact worried. He had spent the better part of the afternoon locked away in his study thinking on some of the things that Thranduil had said. And one thing stuck out in is mind. He chided himself for not having remembered it before. When his brother, Elros, had gotten married to a human woman, they had great difficulties in starting a family. Like Thranduil had said, human women could rarely carry Elvin children. His sister-in-law, had been pregnant eight times, but had only had one child. Elrond recalled that she had been so ill during that pregnancy that she had been unable to leave her chamber during the entire time. She had grown so weak that it was eventually the death of her. He had hoped rather than saw that Estel was getting better. He didn't know if he could stand to loose his Estel.
"Is there any time of day that you feel better or worse?" He had to find some pattern in it, some way to help his child survive.
"Not really. Sometimes it is worse in the mornings, sometimes in the afternoons. But I usually can't hold dinner down very long. Ada, I don't want to go out there tonight. I still feel very ill and I don't' want to make a bigger fool out of myself than I already have."
"I know, but you really need to be there, at least at the beginning. I'll tell you what. Just pretend to eat and I promise I won't bother you about actually eating. And if you start to feel like you are going to faint or be ill, let me know and I will excuse you immediately." Elrond gave Estel and encouraging smile as he began to braid his hair.
"Ok, Ada. For you. But can I sleep in late tomorrow?"
"Of course, as late as you want."
Estel reluctantly shuffled back to his room to get dressed. He selected all black with a green tunic. He knew that most of the elves would be dressed in bright colours to celebrate the summer, but he didn't feel bright or like celebrating. He felt nervous and unhappy. As he got ready for dinner he brewed another cup of tea in hopes he could keep it down long enough to help his stomach. He had eaten nothing all day except the crackers Glorfindel had given him, and he was hungry. But he was also terribly nauseas at the same time. It was a decidedly unpleasant feeling.
Far sooner than he would have hoped, he heard his father and brothers head down to the formal dining room. Estel downed his entire cup of tea in one swallow and burned his tongue in the process. Then he looped his belt loosely around his waist. He took a few deep breaths trying to dispel his body's nature rebellion from having pressure on his belly.
Once Estel got his stomach calmed down, she quietly walked towards the dining room. He paused at the front the private chambers and watched the servants scurry around putting finishing touches on place settings. They all wore a salmon-pink coloured tunic, the shade of which made Estel ill. He stood in the door way for a moment covering his eyes. He didn't hear Legolas come up behind him.
"Why are you just standing here, love?" Legolas had slipped a hand under Estel's hair so he could lightly rub his back.
"It is making me sick."
"What is making you sick?"
"Pink."
"Pink?"
"Yes, pink, the colour of the staffs' tunics." Estel was getting aggravated with his own weakness.
"Honey, a colour can't make you sick." Legolas thought that was the dumbest thing he had ever heard, but he could see Estel's discomfort for himself.
"Well, it just does." Estel snapped in irritation.
"Ok." Legolas did not recoil or even move his hand from Estel's back. He was becoming more and more used to Estel's moods.
Estel finally uncovered his eyes and looked up at Legolas. Rather than anger or disappointment he saw love and acceptance. He felt terrible for snapping at his best friend, but sometimes, like now, he couldn't help it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean snap."
"It's fine. No harm done." Estel moved over and rested his forehead against Legolas's chest. Legolas wrapped both arms around him and gave him a much needed hug. Estel felt better just for the brief contact with the elf. He finally snaked his arms around Legolas and hugged him back.
Finally almost everyone had arrived so they were forced out into the dining room. Estel took his seat as fast as he could because he didn't' want any of the Mirkwood Royal guards to see his belly. Many of them were his friends and he just couldn't stand the embarrassment right now. His seat was between Elrond and Thranduil. He could feel his leg start to bounce with nerves, he tried to stop it.
Estel never liked these formal dinners. They were always so loud and stuffy and made him feel claustrophobic. This one was no different. It was hot in the hall, even though Elrond had ordered every window opened to its fullest. Partially because he wanted the room to be cooler for the human, and partially to help dissipate some of the food smells. He understood his son's canine like nose made him very sensitive. Right now the only thing that Estel could smell clearly, was the rainstorm brewing outside.
Estel was fine during the first two courses. As he promised Elrond, he sat quietly and pretended to eat what was given to him. In reality he just made a game of drawing pictures with his food. If he thought about them like paints rather than food, they didn't make him feel quite so queasy. He had managed to choke down a few bites of potato though.
It hadn't been bad so far. Thranduil had only talked to him once. The king had questioned by he drank lemonade while everyone else had wine. Estel had simply answered. "Any type of alcohol makes me feel sick. I can't stand the taste or the smell." Thranduil had almost smiled at that. His lady wife had been the same way when she was pregnant with Legolas.
The problem occurred when the main course arrived. The servants came and cleared away the dishes from the second course, and one smiled at Estel understanding why he hadn't eaten a bite from his plate. She had covertly patted him on the back as she took his plate. Estel began to think that he might survive after all until it hit him. That smell, that rancid, sweet, carrion like smell: rabbit. He vaguely heard Thranduil telling everyone that the MIrkwood guard had caught them and his own chef prepared the special dish, the princes favourite. Estel groaned trying to get Elrond's attention.
Because of the number of people present, the high table had to be pushed against a wall, Estel could not leave until either Elrond, or five people to his right got up. Estel put his napkin over his mouth and tried again to get his father's attention. Just about the time that Elrond questioned Thranduil what the dish was, Estel muttered, "oh gods, rabbit." This all occurred a split second before Estel leaned over and vomited on the floor, hitting the side of Thranduil's robes.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Estel immediately apologized as soon as he was able. He covered his mouth his napkin again, trying to block the smell out again. Thranduil just glared at him with cold blue eyes filled with rage.
"You stupid, useless human." Thranduil roared and then smacked Estel soundly across his left cheek. The blow knocked him out of his chair onto the floor between him and Elrond. Everyone in Estel's family rose at once to advance on the king, but Estel would not allow that to happen.
"Don't worry, I am alright. I deserved that." Estel got off of the floor and sat back down, using his napkin to blot at the cut on his cheek. He prayed his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt. He could hear thunder rumble outside and rain begin to pound the ground. It disturbed Estel that he could hear anything outside because that meant the groom was dead quiet and everyone was looking at him. He could feel his face blanch. He wanted to run away as fast as he could, but he knew that he couldn't.
"Yes, you did. You have ruined my robes. I hope you are happy." Thranduil's angry tone drew his attention.
"I am sorry, sir."
"Sir?!? You peon, I am no sir. It is your majesty. I thought Elrond would have taught you better." Estel felt his eyes burn with shame. He hadn't mean to get sick.
"I am sorry," Before Estel could finish what he was saying, Elrond interrupted. He would not allow is child to be treated like this while he still drew breath.
"Yes, yes. Everyone here knows you rank. We tend not to stand on formality. You do not hear anyone address me as High King." Elrond calculated the comment to sting he knew Thranduil hated being reminded that if Elrond chose, he would be the high king of the Noldor as the heir of Gil- Galad and through his own family. But Elrond was not done yet. "Nor do you hear anyone refer to Glorfindel as lord of the House of the GoldenFlower." That was a direct hit. Glorfindel's house had been second only to the royal house of Gondolin.
Thranduil fumed silently as the dinner was served and the mess cleaned up. After a few minutes, Elrond turned to Estel and whispered. "Why don't you go lie down? You look worn out."
"Thank you." Estel slipped out of the hall and then ran down the hallway.
He tried to go to his room, but he could still smell the rabbit in their. He quickly changed is clothes and tied his hair back, just in case the smell had sunk in, and went to the covered balcony at the far end of the house. The wind and rain whipped around him mixing with his tears. He sometimes wondered how Elrond dealt with having so much power. If it had been him, he didn't know if he would be able to fight the urge to call the river and drown that self-righteous king.
Estel sat on the balcony tucked away from the rain for several hours. Finally Legolas approached him.
"There you are, I have been looking all over for you. Why aren't you in bed? It is late." Legolas sat down beside Estel on the bench.
"I can still smell the cooking rabbit. It is windy enough out here that I can't." Estel sniffled. He hadn't even realized he was still crying.
"Oh."
"Besides, I didn't want to see anyone." Estel mentally smacked himself. He didn't mean Legolas.
"I will leave you alone then. I just wanted to make sure you were alright." Legolas stood stiffly to leave.
"I didn't mean it like that. Please stay." Legolas sat back down
"Are you alright?"
"Just dandy." Estel could feel tears start to work their way down his face again. Legolas wiped one away.
"It will be ok, love."
"No it won't."
"It will, everything will be ok."
"Stop saying that!" Estel angrily said as he batted Legolas's hand away from his face. "It is not ok and it is not going to be ok. I just tossed my cookies on your father in the middle of dinner. How could things possibly be ok?" Estel dropped his head. The movement made his cheek hurt. He could tell he would have a nasty bruise by morning.
"I know that it seems bad, but it really isn't. I explained to him about how rabbit always makes you sick. He understands. He just didn't know. Legolas again reached out and this time Estel allowed himself to be touched.
"How am I supposed to look him in the eye? I ran out of the room crying this morning, and now throw up on him. He is never going to accept me." Estel looked down. Silently thinking "or my daughter either." Legolas didn't know what to say.
A short time later, Estel unfolded himself from the bench.
"Where are your going?" Legolas was worried about Estel. He hadn't seen him this unhappy in weeks.
"To go throw up." Estel sniffled again. "I'll see you in the morning." Estel left a worried elf watching the storm rage.
TBC