A/N: Thanks to Claire Starling and Jennifer for reviewing. And thanks to
Emily for letting me rant about this (and check for reviews like 5 times)
last night. Sigh. Please review!!
Chapter 3 - Reflections
He nodded off on the couch at some point, because he woke up when he heard screaming. It was still dark outside and Dawn was tossing around, protesting something. He sat on the bed and gently shook her. "Nibblet?"
She opened her eyes and sat up. "Spike?"
"Yeah, it's me. You were just having a nightmare."
She looked around. "Where am I?"
"My flat. I took you here after.." he trailed off. She looked at her hands. "Do..do you want to talk about it..or take a shower..or..do you need anything?" Spike asked quietly. For some reason, he had a hard time choosing his words.
"Um, I guess I should take a shower."
Spike got her a towel from his closet. "Uh.if you want, you could borrow some clothes."
Dawn looked down at her dirty, torn dress. She blushed. "Yeah, ok." He got her a black T-shirt and black jeans. She went into the bathroom and got undressed. She looked at herself in the medicine cabinet, the only mirror in the apartment. She was fifteen, but she felt so much older. She hadn't seen herself in what seemed like forever. She had lost a lot of weight over the past year, and her ribs jutted out. She had bruises everywhere. There were scars on her wrists from the time when she had tried to end it all. Riley had found her in the bathroom of their hotel room in Las Vegas. She had gotten a really bad beating after that.
She touched the arm that had recently healed from when he broke it. She had tried to leave. She hadn't gotten out the door though. He was waiting for her in the kitchen, in the dark. She had thought he was still out. He threw her against a wall and twisted her arm all the way back. He had taken her to the hospital after he did it. He told them she had fallen down the stairs. She said it was true. She said he was her guardian. The nurse had looked at her sadly. She knew she didn't believe her. Part of her was afraid of what would happen if the nurse did find out, and part of her was silently pleading for them not to let Riley take her home. But they did.
She stopped trying to leave after that. It really wasn't so bad all the time.he really cared about her, and she just made him angry sometimes. Dawn stepped into the shower. She really had missed everyone. Especially Spike. And mom. And Buffy. And Willow and Xander and Tara. Even Anya. When he was mad..it was really scary sometimes. And when he wanted..she didn't want to think about the other stuff. It was embarrassing to think about. And it had never been good like her friends talked about.
She got out of the shower and quickly got dressed. The clothes were too big, but they were better than what she had been wearing before. Riley didn't buy her many new things. He said she should keep her clothes in better condition, and that she was a spoiled brat anyway. She shuddered at the memory of the time when she had been getting him his coffee and she accidentally tripped and spilled some on his shirt. He slapped her and then locked her in the bathroom for a day. When he let her out, he made her..Dawn shut her eyes, pushing away the memory. She sighed and went back into the bedroom. There was a note on the table.
Dawn-
I didn't have any food in the house so I went out to get you some. Don't worry, I'll be back before sunrise.
-Spike
Dawn looked around the apartment. There was a bed, a couch, a TV, and a dresser. Off to one side was a small kitchen. One chair was tucked beneath the table. Dawn figured Spike hadn't had much company lately. It made her kind of sad. Maybe he was missing too.
He also had a phone. She pondered whether or not to call Buffy, but she decided to wait. She just wasn't ready for a lot of questions and pitying looks.
Spike entered about ten minutes later with milk, cereal, bread, yogurt, apples, oranges, bubble gum, Snickers bars, cookie dough, M & M's, and more teen magazines than one could consider reading in a week.
Dawn smiled. "Thank you," she said.
After she ate breakfast, Spike cleared his throat. "Pidgeon? There's uh.." Dawn looked up at him. God, he didn't want to do this. But he had to tell her. He'd remembered while he was shopping that she didn't know about her mom and Joyce. He couldn't decide whether to tell her both at once or to wait a while after telling her about Joyce to tell her about Buffy. Neither option made much sense. She didn't need a double blow after everything she'd been through, but she'd feel deceived if he didn't tell her both now. He decided to just tell her both at once. "There's something you need to know. Joyce..she..your mum and Buffy..passed away while you were..gone."
"What?" Dawn whispered so quietly he wouldn't have heard it without vampire hearing. The space between them on the couch seemed to be a whole lot bigger than it had been. "What happened?"
"I'm so sorry, luv. Your mom..she had a brain tumor. And Buffy was killed fighting a vampire. I.." Spike trailed off. He had wanted to say more..not to leave that hanging in the air. Surrounding it with more words would make him hear himself say it less. But there was nothing left to say. He could tell her when it happened, or how the vampire killed her. He knew all of that, but that was all insignificant.
"But..that can't be..I mean, they didn't know where I was.if I was alive.I didn't get to say goodbye." Tears were flowing freely down her face. Then Spike realized she was sitting right next to him and he pulled her into a hug. When she stopped crying, she had to ask him. she told herself. But she was scared. "What's going to happen to me?"
"We'll work it out," he told her. He would wait to tell her that she couldn't stay with him. For one thing, he didn't have a job, and had nowhere for her to stay. For another, he knew Riley would come looking for her, and he knew she was with Spike. And above all else, he had to keep her safe. He needed to get her out of there though, and the sooner, the better.
He nodded off on the couch at some point, because he woke up when he heard screaming. It was still dark outside and Dawn was tossing around, protesting something. He sat on the bed and gently shook her. "Nibblet?"
She opened her eyes and sat up. "Spike?"
"Yeah, it's me. You were just having a nightmare."
She looked around. "Where am I?"
"My flat. I took you here after.." he trailed off. She looked at her hands. "Do..do you want to talk about it..or take a shower..or..do you need anything?" Spike asked quietly. For some reason, he had a hard time choosing his words.
"Um, I guess I should take a shower."
Spike got her a towel from his closet. "Uh.if you want, you could borrow some clothes."
Dawn looked down at her dirty, torn dress. She blushed. "Yeah, ok." He got her a black T-shirt and black jeans. She went into the bathroom and got undressed. She looked at herself in the medicine cabinet, the only mirror in the apartment. She was fifteen, but she felt so much older. She hadn't seen herself in what seemed like forever. She had lost a lot of weight over the past year, and her ribs jutted out. She had bruises everywhere. There were scars on her wrists from the time when she had tried to end it all. Riley had found her in the bathroom of their hotel room in Las Vegas. She had gotten a really bad beating after that.
She touched the arm that had recently healed from when he broke it. She had tried to leave. She hadn't gotten out the door though. He was waiting for her in the kitchen, in the dark. She had thought he was still out. He threw her against a wall and twisted her arm all the way back. He had taken her to the hospital after he did it. He told them she had fallen down the stairs. She said it was true. She said he was her guardian. The nurse had looked at her sadly. She knew she didn't believe her. Part of her was afraid of what would happen if the nurse did find out, and part of her was silently pleading for them not to let Riley take her home. But they did.
She stopped trying to leave after that. It really wasn't so bad all the time.he really cared about her, and she just made him angry sometimes. Dawn stepped into the shower. She really had missed everyone. Especially Spike. And mom. And Buffy. And Willow and Xander and Tara. Even Anya. When he was mad..it was really scary sometimes. And when he wanted..she didn't want to think about the other stuff. It was embarrassing to think about. And it had never been good like her friends talked about.
She got out of the shower and quickly got dressed. The clothes were too big, but they were better than what she had been wearing before. Riley didn't buy her many new things. He said she should keep her clothes in better condition, and that she was a spoiled brat anyway. She shuddered at the memory of the time when she had been getting him his coffee and she accidentally tripped and spilled some on his shirt. He slapped her and then locked her in the bathroom for a day. When he let her out, he made her..Dawn shut her eyes, pushing away the memory. She sighed and went back into the bedroom. There was a note on the table.
Dawn-
I didn't have any food in the house so I went out to get you some. Don't worry, I'll be back before sunrise.
-Spike
Dawn looked around the apartment. There was a bed, a couch, a TV, and a dresser. Off to one side was a small kitchen. One chair was tucked beneath the table. Dawn figured Spike hadn't had much company lately. It made her kind of sad. Maybe he was missing too.
He also had a phone. She pondered whether or not to call Buffy, but she decided to wait. She just wasn't ready for a lot of questions and pitying looks.
Spike entered about ten minutes later with milk, cereal, bread, yogurt, apples, oranges, bubble gum, Snickers bars, cookie dough, M & M's, and more teen magazines than one could consider reading in a week.
Dawn smiled. "Thank you," she said.
After she ate breakfast, Spike cleared his throat. "Pidgeon? There's uh.." Dawn looked up at him. God, he didn't want to do this. But he had to tell her. He'd remembered while he was shopping that she didn't know about her mom and Joyce. He couldn't decide whether to tell her both at once or to wait a while after telling her about Joyce to tell her about Buffy. Neither option made much sense. She didn't need a double blow after everything she'd been through, but she'd feel deceived if he didn't tell her both now. He decided to just tell her both at once. "There's something you need to know. Joyce..she..your mum and Buffy..passed away while you were..gone."
"What?" Dawn whispered so quietly he wouldn't have heard it without vampire hearing. The space between them on the couch seemed to be a whole lot bigger than it had been. "What happened?"
"I'm so sorry, luv. Your mom..she had a brain tumor. And Buffy was killed fighting a vampire. I.." Spike trailed off. He had wanted to say more..not to leave that hanging in the air. Surrounding it with more words would make him hear himself say it less. But there was nothing left to say. He could tell her when it happened, or how the vampire killed her. He knew all of that, but that was all insignificant.
"But..that can't be..I mean, they didn't know where I was.if I was alive.I didn't get to say goodbye." Tears were flowing freely down her face. Then Spike realized she was sitting right next to him and he pulled her into a hug. When she stopped crying, she had to ask him. she told herself. But she was scared. "What's going to happen to me?"
"We'll work it out," he told her. He would wait to tell her that she couldn't stay with him. For one thing, he didn't have a job, and had nowhere for her to stay. For another, he knew Riley would come looking for her, and he knew she was with Spike. And above all else, he had to keep her safe. He needed to get her out of there though, and the sooner, the better.