The Party From Hell
Chapter 5
"Jin VS Hiei"
By: Alicia and Shayde
Alicia: *still sitting on Hiei's lap* *huggles Hiei*
Hiei: *beet red* WILL YOU GET OFF MY LAP!?!
Alicia: Aw, how kawaii!
Hiei: I MEAN IT! ENATSU KOKURYU--!!
Alicia: *casts a paralyzing spell on Hiei* Ah ah ah… no trying to fry your hostess Hiei. Didn't anyone ever tell you that was bad manners?
Hiei: *through gritted teeth (he's paralyzed remember)* I don't care! Release me from this spell and get off me or I'll kill you, wretch!
Jin: Hey! Don't speak to the little lass like that!
Hiei: *released from the paralysis spell (though he doesn't quite realize it)* I'll speak to her anyway I want you bastard!
Jin: Shut the hell up Pyro-boy!
Hiei: You wanna step outside, Wind Freak!
Jin: Hm. Nice comeback.
Hiei: Don't patronize me!
Jin: Okay, Shorty, let's have ourselves a fight…
Hiei: You're on!
Alicia: YAY! The fight I always wanted to witness!
Katsumi: *whispering to Gin Shayde and Suni* You guys think she intentionally set this up so she could see Hiei and Jin duke it out?
Suni: Without a doubt.
Shayde: Not a doubt in my mind about that.
Gin: I think a sea lion set it up. Sea lions are evil. I once saw one eat two penguins.
PG: NO! MY SUBOORDINATES! T_T
Suni: Either Alicia did it intentionally or she did it accidentally! You can't pin this on sea lions!
Gin: Sea lions could be controlling her mind and making her do it.
Suni: Gr….
San: *whispering to Gin* It's best if you do not antagonize my sister. She tends to be quite violen--*flip of her skirt* *whips around* You miserable human scum! Keep out of my skirt! *Smack! Smack!*
IG and PG: Ow… @_@
Kione: *finally reenters after being chased around the block a hundred times* -_-;; I am so glad that is finally-- *touch*-- YOU PERVERTS! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME AGAIN! *turns GP gun on IG and PG*
IG: No, you told him never to touch your chest again. You never said anything about your butt.
PG: Right.
Kione: *groans* I hate letting people off on a technicality! *puts gun away*
Gin: Kione…
Kione: What is it?
Gin: *pulls out a bazooka* Take this, go to the zoo, and vent your frustration on the sea lions.
Kione: Are you crazy!? I'd be thrown in jail!
Gin: Hey… I never thought of that! It's killing two birds- who aren't penguins- with one stone!
Kione: *jumps up and grabs Gin by the collar* WHADDYA MEAN BY THAT!?
Gin: The sea lions are dead and you're unavailable when I start my attempt at world domination- like I said, two birds with one stone.
Kione: I WILL NOT KILL THE SEA LIONS!
Gin: I am God! Obey me!
Kione: NO!
Gin: YES!
Kione: NO!
Gin: YES!
Kione: NO!
Gin: YES!
Kione: NO!!!!!!!
Gin: Okay.
Mihosi: *enters*
Gin: Mihoshi! *hands Mihoshi the bazooka* Take this, go to the zoo, and kill the sea lions.
Mihoshi: Okay…
Kione: Don't do it Mihoshi!
Gin: Kill the sea lions or you aren't a goddess.
Mihoshi: Okay! But wait! Do I have enough time to get to the zoo before it closes?
Gin: Yeah… and Mihoshi?
Mihoshi: Yes?
Gin: I also want you to frame the whole thing on Kione.
Mihoshi: Okay! *giggles* *runs of to the zoo*
Jin: *turns to Hiei* Let's get on with it…
Hiei: Agreed…
Jin and Hiei: *step outside, followed by everyone else*
Alicia: Multiply! *forms into a dozen separate Alicias- six root madly for Jin, six root madly for Hiei*
Urd: Hey! I want in on the action too! Multiply! *separates into many Urds who form their own cheering sections for Hiei and Jin*
Belldandy: Urd, do you even know these two fellows? *curious look*
Urd: Uh… well no…. but… I just wanted to multiply!
Belldandy: Then I shall do the same! Multiply! *forms into two Belldandy cheering sections*
Skuld: Multiply! *forms cheering sections as well*
Peorth: Multiply! *multiplies*
Suni: *stares at Peorth* Since when can you multiply… and since when are you here?
Peorth: Um… I don't know…. ^_^;;
Suni: For God's sake!
All Urds: *eyes sparkling* Saké!? Where!?
Original Alicia: *sigh* You can take the alcohol away from the girl but that doesn't make her stop thinking about it…
Suni: I said sake not saké you idiots!
All Urds: Damn!
Gin: *pulls out a saké bottle (which is secretly empty) and taunts the Urds with it for ten minutes*
Urd #5: *grabs the saké bottle from Gin and opens it* *finally realizes it's empty* Damn you!
Gin: ^_^
All Urds: We want saké!!! T_T
Original Alicia: Even when she's divided, the girl still has a one-track mind.
Naoko: No offense, I mean, this looks like a good match but would you be mad at me if I skipped the show, Alicia?
All Alicias: WHAT!?!
Original Alicia: Why would you wanna skip out!? This is the greatest match-up of the year! No, the decade! No, the century! Maybe even the millennium!
Naoko: *blood red in the face* I've… got something better to do *nods her head toward Kurama*
Original Alicia: *smirk* Oh I see what ya mean… Don't worry bout missing the fight. Love is worth missing a fight for.
Naoko: Thank you Alicia! *hugs her quickly then runs off to see Kurama*
Original Alicia: 0.0 *blinks* Now why was that so freaky?
Suni: Because Naoko hugged you.
Original Alicia: And that's freaky because?
Suni: No normal person can actually be physically hugged by one of their split personalities[1].
Original Alicia: Are you saying I'm not normal!?
Suni: Precisely. Got a problem with that?
Original Alicia: No not really.
Other Alicias: But we do!
Original Alicia: Shut up the lot of ya! The fight's starting!
Other Alicias: Yay!
Alicia's Jin fan cheering section: Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin!
Alicia's Hiei fan cheering section: Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei!
Jin: Enough already! Could hear this ruckus plain as day twenty-seven miles away!
All Alicias: Sorry Jin-chan!
Jin: Good little lass.
All Alicias: Which one of us?
Jin: Ya'll are but yer all the same person so why pluralize "lass"?
Original Alicia: *thinking* He's got a point there…
Alicia #7: Who cares if he's got a point? I still hope he loses.
Alicia #10: Amen to that!
Alicia #2: Shut up! Jin's gonna win this and you know it!
Alicia #5: Yeah! XP
Jin: SHUT UP!
*Cricket cricket*
Jin: There that's much better. Now all of you better keep it down to a low roar got it?
All Alicias: We will!
Jin: Alrighty then, Hiei! Let's play it!
Original Alicia: Begin on three! One... Two… Three!
Original Urd (Playing the role of a commentator): And the first round of this fight goes to Hiei! Rock beats scissors!
Ice Hikari: Gah! 0_o;; They're playing jaken!?
Original Alicia (With an Irish accent): This is the kind o' crazy nonsense ye'll only find here in my world… -_-;;
Ice Hikari: Why do you have an Irish accent Alicia?
Original Alicia (Still with an Irish accent): Ye numbskull! Don't ye know what I am? I'm 50-50—half-Irish, half-German!
Ice Hikari: By any chance, do you happen to be a by-product of the Easter Rebellion[2]?
Original Alicia: Never call me a by-product!
Ice Hikari: Gomen nasai…
Original Urd: The second round goes to Jin! Scissors beats paper!
Hiei: *thoughts* He's used scissors twice in a row… I'll use scissors this time, and if we tie then it will be safe to assume that he will throw down scissors again. *end thoughts*
Jin: *thoughts* Perfect. I can see it in his eyes. The idgit (idgit-idiot) really believes I only choose scissors. To make sure, he'll throw down scissors this next time. I'll tie that round and then, when he throws down rock the next round, I'll choose paper. *end thoughts*
Original Alicia: *reading Jin's and Hiei's minds* Jeez… they think too much. It's only jaken.
Original Urd: And the third round is a tie with the opponents both throwing down scissors!
Hiei: *thoughts* I can't believe this moron really thinks I believe this little act of his. Jin doesn't have the slightest clue how to keep a straight face and not tip his hand. The win is mine. *end thoughts*
Jin: Let's count this final one down, eh? One…
Hiei: Two…
Jin and Hiei: Three…
Original Urd: And victory goes to Jin!
Hiei: What the hell!?
Jin: Ye think I'm brainless. Could tell it by the wind- you thought I was putting down paper, so I chose rock. I win.
Hiei: Who cares if you can beat me at some mindless ningen game? I'll still be victorious in a real match! ENATSU KOKURYU-HA!
Original Alicia: O dragon of dragons; fire of fires, obey me! DISAPPEAR… ENATSU KOKURYU-HA!
*Black Dragon/Dragon of the Darkness Flame/ Enatsu Kokuryu-ha vanishes*
Hiei: *blinks* Hey! I needed him!
Original Alicia: Too bad! *long pause* *blink* How do you know the dragon is a guy?
Hiei: It's written right here in this book that all dragons of the Makai are male. *pulls a book out of nowhere and opens to a page*
Original Alicia: *collects and absorbs the other Alicias to become whole again* Then where did they come from?
Hiei: What do you mean?
Alicia: Well if they're all guys then how did the dragons come to exist in the first place? I mean, you still need a girl for that, don't you? Even if they are dragons, you'd still need a girl for the guys to even exist, right?
Hiei: Hm… never thought of that. Perhaps this book is even more incorrect than it seemed. *incinerates book* It's like that little dilemma you humans are always pondering over… What was it again?
Alicia: First of all, I'm an Irish-German goddess not a human. Second, I believe you're thinking of "What came first- the chicken or the egg?"
Hiei: Well, logically, the egg.
Alicia: I wholly agree. Evolution led some sort of small dinosaur to lay an egg, which hatched into a chicken… or what would slowly evolve into one.
Yusuke: A dinosaur giving birth to a chicken… Do you know how nuts you sound!? Dinosaurs became lizards and junk like that!
Alicia: Actually, Yusuke, the scientists who study dinosaurs commonly believe that the bone structure of most two-legged dinosaurs greatly resembles that of a chicken's.
Yusuke: Listen, Licia. I don't intend to sit here and take a lecture on dinosaurs.
Alicia: Well too bad because you're going to listen! *throws on a stupid looking royal blue cap and gown and thick, black-rimmed glasses*
Fire Hikari: Maxwell, you look like you're graduating… not teaching.
Alicia: ^-^ I like wearing the graduation robes! They're cool!
Yusuke: *nervous look* You aren't seriously gonna sit here and teach me science and junk are ya?
Alicia: Until next chapter, yes! Now let us begin with the T-Rex, also known as the Tyrannosaurus Rex….
Yusuke: *groans*
[1] In case you hadn't picked up on it, Suni, Ice Hikari, Fire Hikari, Naoko, and Katsumi are all Alicia's split personalities but something in her nature allows her to occasionally divide her separate personalities into separate beings.
[2] Easter Rebellion- During WWI, in 1916, the Germans sought to distract the British from their onslaught. Noting the strong desire of the Irish to be free from Britain's control, Germany came to the aid of the Irish and gave them funding to purchase weapons and distract the British. By calling Alicia a "by-product of the Easter Rebellion" Hikari is assuming that, since the Germans aided the Irish, there must have been some romance between certain Irish men/women and Germans of the opposite sex.