It Could Be Worse (3rd Season)
Episode 4: Where The Heart Is
By Sulia Serafine
[A Protector of the Small fanfic set in an alternate universe; all credit goes to Tamora Pierce. I'm broke, so you can't sue me. Any other copyrighted things that don't belong to me in here in fact belong to other very businesslike people. Could you believe that? I guess that's why I'm broke.
BAD LANGUAGE (I. E. cursing, swearing…)! E-mail me at silverwlng@aol.com okay? And you know the drill: titles or subjects of emails are fanfiction.net, s.serafine, or icbw.
IMPORTANT NOTE: I'm still accepting people into the mailing list. That means you'll be told when the next episode is posted, as well as other tidbits of information about the series whenever I put them online. ALSO: Every now and then, as a pledge, I'll send everyone bonus material, such as drawings of ICBW characters and little random facts about ICBW.
Rating of this episode: Let's say… PG
~~
Irontown.
She lowered her eyes from the window. Her body was stiff from sitting in this position for hours, so she shifted onto her side a bit. At least the ride had been smooth. No ground vehicles meant there would be no bumps in the road to shake the bus and to cause her further discomfort. Keladry was uncomfortable enough.
"The Magical Gift Bus Company once again thanks all passengers for choosing us to be their transportation of choice. We will be arriving at our next destination, Irontown, in approximately ten minutes," a woman in blue uniform announced from the front. "Please be prepared for departure and thank you for choosing Magical Gift Bus Company."
Keladry inwardly rolled her eyes. She'd never heard of a more preposterous name for a greyhound bus line, but apparently, they had exemplary service. The DJPF officer had received a small snack, reading material, headphones, and a small pillow. It felt like an airplane, except this stayed only three feet off the ground.
For her trip she had decided to wear jeans and a burgundy turtleneck sweater. The snow was starting to melt in Tusaine very slightly, but she knew it was better to be safe than sorry. She wouldn't put herself through a sudden flash of cold weather, not without being prepared.
The bus arrived in Irontown on time. The thin blankets of snow covering the ground showed where the snow plows had been and where people had decided to shovel. Keladry stood up and gathered her belongings. She snuck a glance out of the window. Very few people were waiting at the bus station.
When they had been an hour away, Keladry had called in advance to let her family know how close she was. Wouldn't they have gotten the message and arrived at the station to greet her? Keladry masked her disappointment as she stepped off the now grounded bus and approached the back to gather her baggage.
The crunching of snow behind her caused Keladry to turn around. Her hand stopped short of reaching for her bags' straps when she saw who it was.
"Tavin! Oh, it's nice to see you," she managed to say, a bit more tightly than she meant to. Amending to it, she managed a smile.
The boy before her stood silently, a symbol of apathy. He shrugged, also forced an expression that was meant to be a smile, and moved past her to pick up her bags. Hoisting two over his slight shoulders, he pointed past the bus station with a gloved hand. "Anders is waiting for us. Are these all the bags you have?"
"Yes, that's all. Here, let me carry the others." She picked up another one he had neglected and followed her younger brother out of the station. Keladry didn't feel as if she could talk to stranger before her. It was so odd to see him walk ahead of her, each step in confidence that he knew his way around. She didn't. Keladry didn't know her own home.
She tried to pull together details and facts she knew about Tavin. His black hair was inherited from their paternal grandfather, the only Mindelan child at the time with such raven tresses. It fell in careless uncut waves that fell flat against his head as a consequence of wearing woolen caps constantly. His pale skin was like that of the rest of the Irontown's residents in the wintertime. Her tan from fieldwork, even in winter, seemed highly out of place.
What sport did he play? Why couldn't she think of it? She knew that he played something. Perhaps it was hockey. No, maybe he wasn't an athlete at all. He was skinny, as far as she could tell. That sort of build wasn't good for sports. Perhaps he was an intellectual. No, that didn't fit either. There were enough intellectuals in the family. There was an athletic and accomplished dutiful son, a good-for-nothing dreamer, two materialistic and (supposedly) altruistic socialites, a brain, an ambitious stick in the mud, and the forgotten teenager.
The forgotten teenager… Keladry frowned. "Hey, Tavin."
"Yes?" he asked.
"What do you do these days? Are you into hockey or something?"
He glanced back at her, his mouth drawn in a tight line. "I'm a musician. I have a guitar."
Of course, she thought. It was the only part of the spectrum left: the brooding artist. Her parents had done an excellent job of encompassing them all. They only had the twins left to mold into their final representations of society. Who knew what they would become?
She spotted her eldest brother's red pick-up truck in the front row of the parking lot. A thin layer of snow had already blanketed it. Keladry breathed out deeply, her own breath visible as a long stream in the cold air. At least she remembered that infernal, old truck, that truck that never died. As they approached, the man waiting for them began to move from behind the steering wheel. He got out of the truck, his overcoat hindering his movements.
"Hey, baby sister," he greeted, moving forward to hug her.
Keladry embraced him awkwardly. "Hi, Anders."
He let go and nodded to Tavin. "Go ahead and put them in back. Let's get out of here." He took Keladry's bag from her before she could put it away herself, and placed it in the back of his truck. Then, he swung open the door and let her get in, seated between Tavin and him. "So! How was your trip?"
"Long and boring," she replied. She would have said that she wanted to take a plane to Irontown's local airfield, but she couldn't. Conal and Inness had just been in a plane crash. The reminder would be sore on everyone. Keladry let her thoughts sink to the bottom of her mind. She'd keep that one to herself.
Keladry placed her hands in her lap, unsure of what else to do with herself. Both her brothers seemed at ease. Of course, they were. This was their town. They saw it every day. She found herself staring out of the window, trying to re-familiarize herself with Irontown. How could she ever have forgotten it?
"Pa is at the office right now. Everyone else should be home," Anders informed her casually. He glanced sideways. "I have to go back to work, too, but we can catch up on old times later, right?"
"Right. Of course," she agreed, nodding her head assuredly. It was more for her benefit than his. She wanted to hear her own voice. She wanted to make sure she still sounded normal, that her voice hadn't cracked under the tension. Get a grip. These are your brothers, by Glory.
After a slow ten-minute drive through the mostly cleared roads, they pulled into a long driveway. The neighborhood consisted of large houses surrounded by large yards and trees. When children became adults in Irontown, they either moved into another wing of the old family home, built another home on the same land, or moved into another city.
Keladry got out of the truck following Tavin. She gazed upward at the two-story house in front of her. It was a peach color, covering combinations of stucco, brick, and concrete. The dark blue roof matched the shutters. Keladry expected everything to match where her mother's design was concerned. The garage could fit three cars and the yard could have boasted large swimming pools both in front and back.
Her eldest brother's house was next door, on the very edge of the family's "ancestral" land. It was a slightly smaller house. Two-stories, but not as spread out on either floor. There was a sturdy picket fence that withstood the harsh weather and divided the yards. Keladry hadn't been inside that house but a few times on her last visit.
She mentally steeled herself for the inevitable. She picked up her bags and followed her brothers to the front door. Brick steps, recently swept, surrounded the doormat of the door in a circular fashion, making it seem like one was on top of a tiered wedding cake of brick when one stepped out of the house. It had been a hazard when she had been young. It would be so easy to trip down those steps, but everyone in her family had a knack for coordination and balance.
She disliked standing at the bottom of these steps, watching Anders unlock the door. What a stranger she felt like, on the outside looking in. How had she ever lived here?
A tall dark dog barked from the other yard. It was a Great Dane, having just escaped from Anders' kennel of dogs. It easily jumped the fence separating the two homes and sped toward his now whistling master. The dog, tongue lolling from his mouth, raised itself on its hindquarters and pawed at Anders insistently.
"Hey, Bud! How did you get out? Go on, now. It's cold and you're not supposed to be out right now," he scolded, pointing a finger back toward the kennel. The dog whined, its ears lowering against its head.
Tavin put a hand on the dog's collar. "Let Bud come in for a while. I'll bring him back later."
Anders looked down at the canine, which became more enthusiastic when it sensed that it could follow his humans inside the warm house. He nudged the door the rest of the way open its slot and ran ahead. Anders swore mildly at the dog's tracks on the foyer doormat.
"Hey! We're home!" Anders called. He stood at the open doorway while Tavin and Keladry took off their shoes and jackets and put them in the coat closet. He shrugged. "Well, I've got to go. I'll see you two for dinner."
"Bye," Keladry called. He returned the smile and waved as he went down the steps and returned to his truck. She closed the door and rubbed her hands together.
Tavin gestured to her bags. "I'll take these up to your room. Mom's probably in the kitchen, if you want to..."
She nodded. Smoothing down nonexistent wrinkles from her blouse, she walked out of the dimly lit foyer to the living room. Her younger brother proceeded her, dragging her three large bags up the old fashioned wooden stairs. She paused at the wall opposite the stairs. It was covered in photographs from her childhood. A few were new, of the twins and Tavin from a couple of years ago.
The essence of the house was like old apple cinnamon spice. At least, that's what Keladry smelled when she used to lay on the armchair and bury her face against the cushion hoping to catch a quick nap between studies. The patterns in the throw rug beneath the polished coffee table consisted of country-style baskets, fruits, and vegetables. The couches were the same, each matching in different shades of tan, dark green, and that brownish color that reminded her of cider.
Little figurines were set up on high bookshelves, out of reach and childproof. Keladry ran her fingers over the porcelain cats, as if a memory would be released at any moment.
"Kel?" an older woman's voice called. At the doorway to the kitchen, her mother looked out, holding the swinging door open. Her face was remarkably young to Keladry, younger than it had seemed on the COMscreen. Two others joined her, women slightly older than Keladry with the air of natural beauty and elegance around them.
The two women rushed past their mother and engulfed Keladry in a great hug.
"Oh, wow! Hi, Sis!"
"Kel! Oh, it's our little Kel!"
Keladry inhaled their perfume and relished their warmth. She allowed herself to grin. "Hi Oranie. Hi Adie."
She let go of them and welcomed her mother as well, feeling instead how such wonderful arms had brought her up from a baby and had reared a whole brood of children as well. She rubbed her mother's shoulders as she loosened their embrace.
"Come have a bite to eat, Dear. You must be famished from the trip."
She wasn't, really, but it felt nice to be mothered and clucked over like a baby chick again.
The three older women now led her into the kitchen. The spotless tile gleamed under the lighting. Everything in here was also coordinated to match, but it was not conspicuously ostentatious.
High pitched cries and yelling sounds suddenly rose up from somewhere within the house. Ilane Mindelan sighed, casting an apologetic look toward her daughters.
"Can't those two be nice to each other for one minute?" she muttered.
When Keladry frowned, Oranie silently mouthed to her, 'twins'.
Their mother laid a hand on Adalia's shoulder. "Please fix a sandwich for your sister. I'll go see what they're fighting about now."
A barking noise also echoed through the house. A loud shushing followed it. Ilane put her hands on her hips, sending her glares straight through the ceiling.
"Sorry, Mom! He'll be quiet!" Tavin called.
"Get back to your studies or else the dog goes back next door!" With that, she pushed through swinging door of the kitchen and started for the downstairs bedrooms.
Adalia began taking out sliced bread and other foods for the sandwich. Oranie and Keladry sat down across from each other at the table. There was a brief period of awkwardness again before Oranie decided to strike up a conversation.
"So! How's life in the big city? Tusaine, I mean. I know you're not in Tortall anymore."
"It's not as cold as here. The snow isn't that thick either."
"Oh, Kel! Not the weather. I mean, how are you over there? Friends… others…?" she trailed off hopefully. Adalia glanced over her shoulder, also eager to hear any potential gossip.
Keladry didn't blush. She refused to. After all, by this time she was an expert at keeping her face straight when it mattered the most. "I have some friends. Coworkers, neighbors, and others I met from last summer."
"No boyfriend?" Oranie pouted, half-disappointed.
"Uh, well…" Keladry wasn't sure whether she should have mentioned Liam or Joren at all. She decided that she would never mention Liam again unless she really had to. Then what about Joren? What should she tell them?
"There is one! I just know it!" Adalia grinned, giggling.
The youngest sister truly didn't know what she could say. Joren was—no, Keladry couldn't explain. Boyfriend? He didn't fit the word. Rather, the word didn't fit him. He was far above the word, but her sister's standards could have placed him far below it, too.
"Come on! Tell us! Or better yet, do you have a picture? Oh, what's his name, Kel? This is wonderful!"
"He's not… Well, he is, but it's a long story," she stammered. Adalia handed her a sandwich and sat down, eagerly listening.
"What's his name?"
"Joren. Uh, Joren Stone," Keladry replied. At least she could say that without too much trouble. "He's my partner. Sort of." She bit into her sandwich.
Their curiosity only increased. "Do you have a picture?"
Keladry started to shake her head. Then she remembered that Lalasa and Roald had given her a small packet of wedding pictures before she left. There was one of Joren, caught off guard beside her at the punch bowl. That one wasn't so bad. Yes, it was perfect.
While she finished her sandwich, they told her that they were also seeing men who worked in town. Adalia was graduating soon and Oranie had finished early in time to take a job in nursing at the local clinic. Things were going just as well for them, and it left their little sister wondering if she should have gone down that path, too.
When they got upstairs to her room, Keladry extracted the wedding pictures from her bags and flipped through them for the photo. She vaguely acknowledged that she was in her old room. Not one item in the whole place had been moved. There was no dust, either. Perhaps they still cleaned it. She ought to thank them later.
Finally, she found the picture. Keladry held it up for them to see. Both women gaped at the photograph. They turned to each other and simultaneously squealed:
"What a babe!"
Keladry blinked. "Uh…"
"Oh, Kel! It's not fair!" her sisters whined.
"Look at that butt!"
Keladry's eyes widened. "What?"
"And that hair…"
"Those eyes!"
"What lips!"
"Does he have a brother?"
"I get first dibs, then!"
"Yeah right!"
Keladry sighed and decided she had better remain silent.
"Ooh, you know he's hiding muscles under there. You're so lucky!"
Oh, if only you knew the half of it, Keladry thought. The truth was too weird. She couldn't explain the love-hate relationship they had had for half a year. It wasn't until recently that everything had taken a turn for the better and they were willing to be open about their feelings for each other.
"Are we going to meet him?"
The question struck a dead note. Keladry was suddenly reminded of his current whereabouts. She shrugged in an offbeat kind of way. "I don't know. He's on a job right now."
"Saving innocents?" Adalia teased.
"Yamani search party," she confessed.
The conversation was cut off by an abrupt silence. The older sisters looked to each other, uncertain of how to respond. They had mostly avoided talking about that topic ever since they heard the news. It made them uneasy to know that Joren was now involved, though they had never met him.
"I'm sure we'll meet him later on. You can introduce us," Oranie said quietly. "How long will you be home?"
"I don't know. I need to talk some business over with the local DJPF."
"Well, then. We should probably leave you to your rest."
Keladry began gathering the photographs in their packet again. "I'm not tired, really. Actually, I wanted to talk to Tavin. He's grown up so much, don't you think?"
Adalia nodded. "Yeah, at least since the last time you saw him. You ought to go spend time with the twins, too. They'll probably bother you for stories or something."
They eased off the bed and retreated toward the door, saying that they would help Ilane make dinner or perhaps see Anders' wife next door. While they did, Keladry crept down the hall toward her little brother's room. Faint music could be heard from the opposite side of the door. She knocked gently.
There was a rustle of papers. She had probably caught him in the middle of his studies.
"Come in," he called.
She pushed the button that slid the door open. Her brother was sitting on his bed—book in one hand while rubbing the flank of Great Dane with his other. The dog's head rested on the boy's knee lazily, barely choosing to acknowledge Keladry in its presence.
Keladry nodded toward the small stereo sitting on a desk. "Nice. I don't listen to music much anymore. I haven't the time."
He looked up, a slight crease in his brow. "Time?"
"Yeah. I'm usually on the job."
The withdrawn boy put down his book and politely faced her. "I have a job at the grocer's. That's how I pay for my CDs."
At least he has some work experience. It's a start, she thought approvingly. Coming forward, she kneeled to let the dog sniff her hand. It pressed its wet nose into her palm. Having passed his test, she scratched him behind his ears absently while addressing Tavin.
"Anders didn't tell me he got another dog. How long has this one been here?"
"A year, I think. Bud is spoiled for attention."
She agreed. It felt good to talk with him, though terribly strange at first. He gradually began telling her about his home schooling and his guitar playing. She listened attentively, inserting a comment here and there when she could. Secretly, she wished she had spent time like this with her older brothers. This was how she could make up for it. Here, with Tavin…
That won't bring them back.
The nagging thought startled her. "Hey, uh, Tav. Why don't I take Bud for a walk and return him to the kennel when I get back? That way I can drop in and say hello next door."
He nodded. "Sure." He patted Bud on his backside. "Go on. Go get your leash."
The large dog bounded past Keladry, pawing through piles of clothing and items on the floor for a leash that Tavin kept just in case. While waiting for him to complete his search, Keladry glanced at the guitar propped up in the corner and bit her lip.
"Maybe you could play a tune for me tonight, yeah?"
Tavin blinked. "Um, sure."
He wouldn't mind. His parents had made him play for the entire family when he had the spare time, just so he could get used to an audience. Keladry shouldn't be any different. She was his sister, wasn't she? His very own sister, yes. She was.
~~
"I was making a fool of myself and I didn't even know it," Keladry murmured aloud. She stopped and looked at Bud, whose nose was currently pressed against the damp, cold ground. "What do you think?"
The dog snorted and continued leading her forward on the sidewalk. They had been circling the neighborhood for a few minutes. The sun was still high, letting its warmth to deflect some of the cold just enough for them to remain outside a little longer than normal.
She supposed her first attempt at befriending Tavin had gone reasonably well. It could always have been worse. Perhaps she would have better success for the twins. They were still impressionably young and very accepting of novelties, as energetic children often were.
In time, her mind wandered back to her conversation with Adalia and Oranie. She hadn't wished to reveal that bit of information about him just yet to them. What did they think of her own significant other risking his life to recover her brothers? It was unheard of. One showed his affection with words and gifts, not daring acts of danger.
But that wasn't the whole reason, was it? Was it really?
Keladry frowned. Bud had led her past Anders' house again. She tugged on the retractable leash, catching the dog's attention though it didn't nudge him in the right direction. The chilled young woman pointed a gloved finger toward the side of the house, the path to the kennel. Bud started approaching obligingly.
She loved Joren. There was no point in denying that anymore. She would do anything in her power to erase his years of pain, or at least make him forget. He'd suffered so much, yet remained so strong, even at the expense of his humanity. But now that was going to change. She was helping him change.
Now Keladry wondered if Joren hadn't volunteered to take up the search because of her influence. He hadn't been encouraged or forced to go to the Eastern Yamanis. She would have much rather had him by her side, being there to comfort her.
Then again, when Joren Stone finally gave in to something, he always went extreme. When he initially took on that undercover operation in Tusaine, he committed more than two years of his life to it and came away worse for wear, inside and out. When he challenged her defiance against him during the first months of their partnership, he didn't merely kiss her. He took her breath away and left her shaken to the core.
Everything about him was extreme. His actions, his self-isolation, his love, and his pain… it was more than Keladry could bear to think about sometimes. She tried so hard to focus on the new Joren, the one she was helping to create with love and care. But when he was so far away from her, she began doubting his ability to uphold this new self without her.
"Bud, go. Get in, would you?" Keladry nudged the Great Dane into his pen. He entered, circled twice around his cozy sleeping area (two old baby blankets with bright stars and planets covering them). She hung up the leash on a peg and exited the kennel, admiring how peaceful and quiet her brother's dogs were at this time of day.
Preparing herself to go in and visit her sister-in-law, Keladry dismissed dreary thoughts. The time would come to deal with the University about Conal and Inness. There would always be time later to think about a certain towheaded man hiking through blizzards in a foreign country. Right then, she wanted warm cocoa and a few minutes of blissful ignorance. It was the least she could do for herself. Being obsessed with helping others tired her out.
She would need the energy for harsher problems in the not-so-distant future.
~~
"Oh, how preposterous! Of course the author didn't mean for it to be interpreted like that! I swear, you are absolutely Freudian about everything!" a man in his early fifties exclaimed, packing his briefcase and glaring at his companion, the director of the University board.
A taller, thinner man with a long beaklike nose and a wiry mustache laughed. "Oh, what's so wrong with that psychoanalysis? It's perfectly plausible."
"Honestly, Henry, aren't you a bit old to have so much sex on the brain?"
"Of course not. Now, you very well know my wife's been buying Viagra—"
"Excuse me?" a young feminine voice came from behind the two elderly men. They turned around, completely forgetting their current conversation.
Keladry had come to the secretary's desk, asking for the person she'd come to talk with about the University's intentions up in the Eastern Yamanis and its current funding of the search. She hadn't expected to find this. They coincidentally reminded her of Faleron and Cleon—aged thirty years.
"Yes? Can we help you?" the taller man asked.
She hesitantly entered the empty classroom, bowing briefly. "I'm Officer Keladry Mindelan, First Class, of the DJPF. I'm here to get the details on the University sponsored search for a missing research plane in the Yamanis."
The men exchanged surprised looks. They both set their briefcases down on the large desk. She took it as a signal to come forward and present her case.
"I'm told that a Professor Turomot Wellam is the head of the Archaeology and Anthropology Departments."
"What a fine bragging right that is," the beak-nosed professor said cynically.
The shorter one shushed him. "Oh, lay off it, Henry. Yes, Miss. I am Professor Wellam." He scrutinized her face. "I'm sorry, but the local DJPF has already received all my information. I daresay find it strange that they would send a First Class Officer to review a search that is in the process as we speak."
Keladry nodded compliantly. "Yes, Sir. They have received their own information. But I'm from Tusaine, not the local DJPF. The reason that I have come—" she tried to keep her emotions in check. "The reason I'm here is that I have to verify for myself and for the records of the T-district what the circumstances are. The fact that the only volunteers for this search mission are Tusaine Officers requires such action."
"I'm afraid I don't believe your story," Wellam replied. Keladry seemed startled at this. He went on. "But I understand that you have your reasons, Officer. I don't think there is any reason that you would wish my poor missing pupil or his crew any ill will. Especially since you're his sister. What? Didn't you think I wouldn't notice how you muttered your last name?" He smiled. "It's fine, dear. You're worried for your brothers and you want to get the necessary details from the source rather than the grapevine. I know."
She relaxed considerably after this. "You believe Inness and Conal are still alive?"
"I, myself, find it rather peculiar that there were no malfunctions reported previous to the break of radio contact," Henry asserted. He held up one finger. "And I don't believe a sudden blizzard at their altitude could have truly hindered them. The evidence of recorded weather systems across the globes testifies to that."
The facts were wonderful things, Keladry decided. She felt a great weight lifted from her chest, despite having received no answers to her earlier questions. "May I ask what my brother was doing up there, Professors?"
Wellam rubbed his chubby chin. "Lately, a certain sculpture and pottery design of ancient origins had been turning up in the most odd places in Mithros. When we tried to pinpoint a source of these artifacts, we came across tiny mineral samples that pointed us toward the Eastern Yamanis. Yet none of the modern day mountain or hill peoples of that region have any pottery with designs quite like this. They don't seem capable."
"What my colleague here is saying, is that we believe that there may actually be more than meets the eye to the Yamani Mountains. There may be, perhaps, a lost civilization." His face lit up. The sudden ardor for mystery was swelling up inside of him. "Imagine a great avalanche having engulfed an entire society, leaving only a few artifacts for their loosely related cousins to find and distribute like dirty coins."
"Quite remarkable, isn't it?"
She couldn't say. On the one hand, she was very impressed with their theories and research. Such a discovery would be the talk of the century, much more so than the crisis with the Immortals. Unfortunately, an accident involved with this dream had robbed her of two brothers. As much as she appreciated what they had meant to do for humanity by discovering this, she would rather have Conal and Inness than the remains of a dead civilization.
"If you need anything else, my dear, feel free to come by and ask."
Keladry faked being late by glancing at her pager. She didn't have to fake it since she actually saw a notice on her pager to check her mailbox. The young woman looked up and bowed again. "Thank you for your cooperation, Professors. That's all that I need for now."
Henry patted her shoulder. "Good luck, child. I'm sure everything will turn out for the best in the end."
She excused herself politely from her presence, still noticing how they continued to bicker even as she departed. The conversation from earlier had quickly resumed, with a quip here or there about the validity of certain presentations or interpretations. Keladry couldn't make heads or tails of what they were discussing, but she supposed it was important enough to cause argument.
As for their sincerity, Keladry wasn't sure. She had never talked to Inness' superiors or Inness himself about his goals in archaeology. Perhaps things were better than they seemed, causing the two men to have such confidence in the archaeology team's survival that they could only carry on as normally as they could.
Having escaped from the classrooms, Keladry slipped into the unlocked computer lab of the University and accessed her mailbox from a computer terminal. She skimmed down her usual letters of junk mail until she came across the very thing she had hoped for, yet had not expected.
"We're all looking up at the same blue sky, no matter where we are. What do you think of that? –J.S."
She could have wept for joy. Her face became a mask of stone as she repressed her initial urge to get on her knees and thank the gods for his safe existence. She quickly read the statement several times.
On the surface, as he had intended her to read it, it had been an understated declaration of love. He was thinking of her, probably more pleasantly and faithfully than she was of him. Yet, she couldn't help but notice something on the bottom of the meaning. There was something so wrong about these words coming from Joren. She somehow knew that he was thinking about something else and was using those same words to express what he thought she expected to hear.
Blue, she thought. No matter where we are… Not 'we are', but 'I am.' Blue, no matter where I am… That's what he's saying. She frowned and shook her head. He was desperately trying to keep himself sane, but the old fathomless blue of depression was crashing in over him like a wave. It discouraged her from sending a reply message that told him her sentiments.
Instead, she typed a three-sentence long response message that basically said that she couldn't wait to see him again and that he had better be kind to Neal. The taller, older officer had a hair trigger temper when it came to certain people, Joren being one of them. She didn't want them to fight. They were the two most important people in her life.
And they are not my brothers, she thought. They are more on my mind than Inness and Conal, yet my brothers are the ones that I should be walking through blinding blizzards to rescue. It was shame that made her knees nearly buckle from beneath her. She leaned over the keyboard and quickly logged out. Afterwards, she made a quickly bee line for the door and planned to visit the professors again next afternoon.
She had to go back to her family now. Her parents and her siblings were waiting for her to be with them and pay attention to them. This was their time now. She would let them own her again as they did when she was thirteen. There would be no DJPF distracting her. Not now, anyway. That was the important part. There would only be them, in a big old house in the middle of Irontown.
"Family," she muttered. "I'm not worthy of a family."
~~
Author's note: Yay! Another episode done. Relatively quickly, too. Well, I didn't bother to edit this. I know there are plenty of errors. There always are. But, I had rather get this out to you than sit up all night correcting myself. You know what I meant to say when you see some misspelled word or some un-capitalized name. Blah blah blah.
So! Send your emails! Make your reviews! I'd like to know what you think. We alternate back to Joren again (hurrah, hurrah) next episode, titled: Royalty. See you there!