Terry's adventures in Northtown. part 3.
Following his escape from the law in the unlikely forms of Chang and Choi, Terry is looking for somewhere to lay low for a while. A mile away, he sees a huge crowd of people queing up outside a small community centre. He sees his best friend Joe Higashi, but this Joe is wearing a brown tweed suit, bow tie and glasses. He also carries a briefcase.
Terry- What's all this for? Lot of people here.
Joe- You don't know? This is where KOF is held. Now, I know what you're thinking. What's a university geography lecturer doing here...
Terry- No. I was gonna say why's KOF being held in this little place?
Joe- Oh honestly Terrence. (Terry resists the urge to strangle Joe at this point) Everyone knows there was supposed to be a large stadium, but those darned builders are STILL building the foundations. Seven years after the project was due to be finished. Ah well, I suppose not everyone can be as hardworking and studious as I am.
Across the street, we see Benimaru's building site. It is this KOF stadium that he is very slowly "working" on. His co worker, (Robert Garcia in dusty dungarees) pushes a wheelbarrow with two bricks in it.
Robert- Boss says we gotta do some real work today, or we're out. So I figured if we laid a brick each we'll be OK for a month or two.
Benimaru- Steady on! We got hours yet. More important things to do. Those women aren't going to shout lewd comments at themselves now, are they.
Robert- Suppose not. Tea?
Back at the crowd, and they are going inside the small community centre. Terry abandons this boring version of Joe to find somewhere else to sit.
Terry- There's a seat... (sees a manic looking King behind it, weilding scissors) fuck that, let's try here.
He finds himself next to Heidern, who actually looks just like the normal Heidern from Terry's reality.
Terry- You're stuck here too. Thank fuck for a familiar, normal face...
To his horror, Heidern is not the normal version. This one gets up and starts singing the words to Electric Six's "Dance Commander". Terry runs off screaming as Heidern is joined by Leona and Clark. In the ring, the first fight starts. The announcer is there, along with a nervous looking Kyo Kusanagi, K' and K9999.
Announcer- Ladies, gentlemen and anything else! We've got a great few fights for you tonight! First up, we have a team of... what are your names again.
Kyo- I'm Kyo Kusanagi, and these are K' and K9999. Damnit.
Announcer- Yeah, whatever. A trio of nameless wannabes!
K'- HEY!
Announcer- And their opponent tonight, on his own as he killed his teammates. He's dangerous, phsycotic, mean to small children, but Athena really likes him, give it up for... SHINGO YABUKI!!!!
Terry- WHAT!! SHINGO PHSYCOTIC?!
Shingo makes his way to the ring. This world's Shingo wears a military drill instructors outfit and hat, and has none of the Shingo humour and friendliness we know. "Debaser" by the Pixies plays as his background theme tune.
Shingo- What's this shit? Who are these nobodies? I'm gonna kill them! Rip their limbs off, eat their intestines, take their video cards and run up massive fines, then put their skulls on my mantlepiece! And then I'll really hurt them, and...
Announcer- Uh, OK. ROUND ONE! READY...
Before the announcer can start the fight, Shingo has already murdered all three of his opponents gruesomely. He holds one of K9999's legs between his teeth and Kyo's head in his hand. Moody goth girl Athena has entered the ring and hugs him adoringly.
Announcer- Guess this makes Shingo the winner. (to Shingo) Could you make the fight last a bit longer next time please? (announcer then vomits uncontrollably)
Terry- JESUS! Fucking hell, this isn't Mortal Kombat!
Nameless Extra- Fights aren't usually this gory. But Shingo's a war veteran, cage fighter, ex school bully and part time state executioner.
Terry- Guess I'll stay for the next one then.
Shingo and Athena have left the building. The announcer is about to call the next fight, when Iori steps into the ring with a large banner saying "SAY NO TO KOF".
Iori- This violence is wrong! Why can't we all live in peace, love and harmony with joints and prog rock records? Come on everybody, let's all stage a walkout. Show the man that we're not gonna take all this aggression and bad vibes.
No one joins his anti KOF protest. Iori is either booed or laughed at.
Vanessa- Take a bath you dirty hippy!
King- He could look alright in some tighter trousers, instead of those shitty flares. And cut that long hair.
Vanessa- Not having that hippy in the salon. Wanna have a girl's night in after this?
King- Yeah alright. I just bought the Meg Ryan DVD collection.
Vanessa- YAYY! Meg Ryan.
Terry- Oh for fuck's sake. The world's gone mad. I'm the only sane one here.
Iori is still having no luck with his protest. Then, the competitors for the next battle enter. Two teams of three, the first made up of sister Mai Shiranui, a fully clothed nun armed with a small crucifix, Angel as a feminist student in a shapeless duffel coat and wide trousers and Shermie with short hair, tattoos in equally figure hiding overalls. Their opponents tonight are the insanely popular Team USA. They enter to the song ""We are family. I got all my sisters with me"
Angel- I wanna dedicate this fight to women everywhere. You too can be successful without resorting to cheap sex appeal.
Mai- For it is ungodly to flaunt thy nearly naked body to the public...
Iori- You can still leave girls. Before people get hurt.
Mai- But the Lord has no problem with thine violent brawling.
Shermie headbutts him, as the USA team enter. All three are dressed like extras from a western. Lucky Glauber as a bandit, Brian Battler an all American cowboy and Heavy D! in native American style clothing. The theme from "The good, the bad and the ugly" plays for them.
Lucky- It's high noon. I think. Anyway, you got the guts to go three on three with me and my hombres.
Angel- Love to, but this hippy bastard is interrupting things.
Brian- He is. (to Iori) We don't go for that crap back in Texas.
Iori- This is all wrong. Let's go and talk things through over a bowl of mung beans. You can still be saved. Or you'll all get the Riot of the Love.
The fighters, and everyone else burst out laughing at him. Iori carries out his threat, spazzing out, shouting, and... that's it. Sod all else happens.
Heavy D!- Was that it?
Mai- And the Lord sayeth, thou shalt kick thy hippy scum's head in!
Whole Crowd- YEAH!
Terry- What now?
All six fighters gang up on Iori, and mercilessly beat him. The interfering hippy doesn't stand a chance against them.
Terry- Right. That's it. I've had all the madness I can take for a day, I'm off. Fuck Northtown.
End of part 3. How did Terry end up here in the first place? Can he escape? Do my readers still care? Find out, as soon as I work out where to go with this story. I'm back at work, so new chapters will come a bit slower than I'd like.
Following his escape from the law in the unlikely forms of Chang and Choi, Terry is looking for somewhere to lay low for a while. A mile away, he sees a huge crowd of people queing up outside a small community centre. He sees his best friend Joe Higashi, but this Joe is wearing a brown tweed suit, bow tie and glasses. He also carries a briefcase.
Terry- What's all this for? Lot of people here.
Joe- You don't know? This is where KOF is held. Now, I know what you're thinking. What's a university geography lecturer doing here...
Terry- No. I was gonna say why's KOF being held in this little place?
Joe- Oh honestly Terrence. (Terry resists the urge to strangle Joe at this point) Everyone knows there was supposed to be a large stadium, but those darned builders are STILL building the foundations. Seven years after the project was due to be finished. Ah well, I suppose not everyone can be as hardworking and studious as I am.
Across the street, we see Benimaru's building site. It is this KOF stadium that he is very slowly "working" on. His co worker, (Robert Garcia in dusty dungarees) pushes a wheelbarrow with two bricks in it.
Robert- Boss says we gotta do some real work today, or we're out. So I figured if we laid a brick each we'll be OK for a month or two.
Benimaru- Steady on! We got hours yet. More important things to do. Those women aren't going to shout lewd comments at themselves now, are they.
Robert- Suppose not. Tea?
Back at the crowd, and they are going inside the small community centre. Terry abandons this boring version of Joe to find somewhere else to sit.
Terry- There's a seat... (sees a manic looking King behind it, weilding scissors) fuck that, let's try here.
He finds himself next to Heidern, who actually looks just like the normal Heidern from Terry's reality.
Terry- You're stuck here too. Thank fuck for a familiar, normal face...
To his horror, Heidern is not the normal version. This one gets up and starts singing the words to Electric Six's "Dance Commander". Terry runs off screaming as Heidern is joined by Leona and Clark. In the ring, the first fight starts. The announcer is there, along with a nervous looking Kyo Kusanagi, K' and K9999.
Announcer- Ladies, gentlemen and anything else! We've got a great few fights for you tonight! First up, we have a team of... what are your names again.
Kyo- I'm Kyo Kusanagi, and these are K' and K9999. Damnit.
Announcer- Yeah, whatever. A trio of nameless wannabes!
K'- HEY!
Announcer- And their opponent tonight, on his own as he killed his teammates. He's dangerous, phsycotic, mean to small children, but Athena really likes him, give it up for... SHINGO YABUKI!!!!
Terry- WHAT!! SHINGO PHSYCOTIC?!
Shingo makes his way to the ring. This world's Shingo wears a military drill instructors outfit and hat, and has none of the Shingo humour and friendliness we know. "Debaser" by the Pixies plays as his background theme tune.
Shingo- What's this shit? Who are these nobodies? I'm gonna kill them! Rip their limbs off, eat their intestines, take their video cards and run up massive fines, then put their skulls on my mantlepiece! And then I'll really hurt them, and...
Announcer- Uh, OK. ROUND ONE! READY...
Before the announcer can start the fight, Shingo has already murdered all three of his opponents gruesomely. He holds one of K9999's legs between his teeth and Kyo's head in his hand. Moody goth girl Athena has entered the ring and hugs him adoringly.
Announcer- Guess this makes Shingo the winner. (to Shingo) Could you make the fight last a bit longer next time please? (announcer then vomits uncontrollably)
Terry- JESUS! Fucking hell, this isn't Mortal Kombat!
Nameless Extra- Fights aren't usually this gory. But Shingo's a war veteran, cage fighter, ex school bully and part time state executioner.
Terry- Guess I'll stay for the next one then.
Shingo and Athena have left the building. The announcer is about to call the next fight, when Iori steps into the ring with a large banner saying "SAY NO TO KOF".
Iori- This violence is wrong! Why can't we all live in peace, love and harmony with joints and prog rock records? Come on everybody, let's all stage a walkout. Show the man that we're not gonna take all this aggression and bad vibes.
No one joins his anti KOF protest. Iori is either booed or laughed at.
Vanessa- Take a bath you dirty hippy!
King- He could look alright in some tighter trousers, instead of those shitty flares. And cut that long hair.
Vanessa- Not having that hippy in the salon. Wanna have a girl's night in after this?
King- Yeah alright. I just bought the Meg Ryan DVD collection.
Vanessa- YAYY! Meg Ryan.
Terry- Oh for fuck's sake. The world's gone mad. I'm the only sane one here.
Iori is still having no luck with his protest. Then, the competitors for the next battle enter. Two teams of three, the first made up of sister Mai Shiranui, a fully clothed nun armed with a small crucifix, Angel as a feminist student in a shapeless duffel coat and wide trousers and Shermie with short hair, tattoos in equally figure hiding overalls. Their opponents tonight are the insanely popular Team USA. They enter to the song ""We are family. I got all my sisters with me"
Angel- I wanna dedicate this fight to women everywhere. You too can be successful without resorting to cheap sex appeal.
Mai- For it is ungodly to flaunt thy nearly naked body to the public...
Iori- You can still leave girls. Before people get hurt.
Mai- But the Lord has no problem with thine violent brawling.
Shermie headbutts him, as the USA team enter. All three are dressed like extras from a western. Lucky Glauber as a bandit, Brian Battler an all American cowboy and Heavy D! in native American style clothing. The theme from "The good, the bad and the ugly" plays for them.
Lucky- It's high noon. I think. Anyway, you got the guts to go three on three with me and my hombres.
Angel- Love to, but this hippy bastard is interrupting things.
Brian- He is. (to Iori) We don't go for that crap back in Texas.
Iori- This is all wrong. Let's go and talk things through over a bowl of mung beans. You can still be saved. Or you'll all get the Riot of the Love.
The fighters, and everyone else burst out laughing at him. Iori carries out his threat, spazzing out, shouting, and... that's it. Sod all else happens.
Heavy D!- Was that it?
Mai- And the Lord sayeth, thou shalt kick thy hippy scum's head in!
Whole Crowd- YEAH!
Terry- What now?
All six fighters gang up on Iori, and mercilessly beat him. The interfering hippy doesn't stand a chance against them.
Terry- Right. That's it. I've had all the madness I can take for a day, I'm off. Fuck Northtown.
End of part 3. How did Terry end up here in the first place? Can he escape? Do my readers still care? Find out, as soon as I work out where to go with this story. I'm back at work, so new chapters will come a bit slower than I'd like.