Terry's adventures in Northtown- part 4.
After leaving the KOF arena, Terry wanders aimlessly around the town, trying to work out where to go next. He still cannot escape the weird sights and people of this warped city.
Terry- This place is fucked up completely. I wanna go home to Southtown, back to Mary, back to everyone celebrating how great I am. Back to... What the hell?
He hears shouting across the road. Turning around, our hero see's Fatal Fury fighter Bob Wilson addressing a small crowd of black ghetto types. Bob is dressed up something like Shaft, with the Black Power symbol on his T shirt.
Bob- For too long, brothers, the black man's been kept out of KOF! Always the lowly staff, never the fighters...
Terry- What about Team USA! They were fighting now, and everyone loved them?
Bob- Shut up white boy! Them Wild West niggers sold their souls to the man. They don't count. And Duck King, started off black, came back to Fatal Fury as a white jazzman! I say we march onto the KOF officials and demand they replace everyone with REAL black gangstas from the hoods! Imagine it! KOF with crack, hip hop and drive by shootings...
Terry can't help but laugh at the thought of Duck as a jazzman. He then leaves Bob to his crazed rantings and tries to work out what to do next. Sick of walking, he tries to hitch a ride somewhere else, hopefully saner. He gets nowhere for three hours until a large yellow bus (like American kids go to school in) stops right by him. The words "Happy Happy Fun Club" are written in huge letters on the sides.
Terry- At last. I've been waiting ages for a ride. Where are you heading.
The driver is a sight that even here, Terry never imagined could exist. It is Ryuji Yamazaki in a brightly coloured floral shirt, straw hat, shorts and his normally phsycotic grin just looks stupid. Everyone else on the bus is a young kid.
Yamazaki- Hop on board stranger. We can fit you onto the Happy Happy Fun Club bus. Me and the kids are off for a day out in the country.
Terry- On shit...
Yamazaki- I'll have to ask you not to use naughty words in front of the kiddies. We got room for you on the bus, since we had to leave one little girl behind due to her "little problem". You can sit next to young Rock there.
Rock- Can we have a singalong on the way?
Terry moves to sit next to little Rock Howard, a preppy, enthusiastic boy, and THE most annoyingly wholesome child this side of Disney. The bus begins to drive again.
Rock- Hi, I'm Rock Howard, and I'm a good kid. Wanna be my friend?
Terry- Do I have a choice?
Rock- Not really, we're all friends here. That's Uncle Ryuji, the club leader those are Dong Hwan and Jae Hoon (Dong looks like one of those stereotypical school nerds, Jae the sort of kid you used to see smoking in the toilets during class). Her name's Hotaru Futaba (a skater girl with dyed hair and baggy clothes), that's an extra without a name, that's...
Terry- What about the girl with the "little problem".
Rock- Oh Kula. She's our friend too, but she likes to set things on fire. Like houses, parks and social workers. Uncle Ryuji says she's disfunctional and a pyromaniac.
Yamazaki- That's right. Her mother had her sent to the Northtown home for the mentally disturbed. We're passing it now I'll show you... OH GOSH! What has she done this time?
They see a large, scary looking old building completely up in flames, and Kula outside it in hospital clothing with orange hair. Even the entrance sign to the building is burning. Kula is dancing around with a can of petrol and matches, laughing. The Happy Happy Fun Club bus drives off quickly. Her mum Diana lies tied up and gagged, unable to end Kula's insanity.
Kula- HAHAHAHAHA! Look at all the pretty flames. It's beautiful
I love the smell of burning. No more fucking loony bin ever. Fire in the disco, fire in the disco, fire in the... Taco Bell! I'm the firestarter, twisted firestarter... (sees staff running away from the fire) Aww, don't they like my pretty fire? Embrace the flames!
Some distance away, the bus goes on. To escape the tension, Yamazaki is leading a singsong with everyone joining in except Terry, who can't stand it.
Yamazaki- Ten thousand nine hundred and fifty three green bottles...
Kids- Hanging on the wall, ten thousand nine hundred and fifty three green bottles...
Terry- Make it stop. I can't take this song.
Everyone else- And if one green bottle, should accidentally fall...
Terry- Then you'd have to stop singing forever. (looks out of the window) Hey, what's happening there?
Rock- (looking out too) Hey Dong, isn't that your daddy?
Yamazaki- Uh oh. Don't look children. It's nasty.
Parked by the road is a car, with Kim Kap Hwan and his (far as I know) nameless wife standing outside, in a scene of domestic violence. Kim is dressed like a skinhead (whie shirt, red braces, jeans, big boots), and has "Hate" tattoed on one fist, and "ACAB" (All Cops Are Bastards) tattoed on the other.
Kim- You stupid bitch! (SLAP!) Can't you read a simple map! Can't you do ANYTHING right! (SLAP!) No wonder I go to May Lee now for sex, look at you. No wonder Dong and Jae turned out shit! (about to slap, when a police siren distracts him).
Chang+Choi- Freeze arsehole!
Kim- Uh oh. (trying to play innocent) Hello officers. Wifey and I are enjoying a lovely day out. These bruises on her came from... uh, a fall. Yeah that's it.
Choi- A likely story. We've tried it all with you. restraining orders, fines, community service...
Chang- So, much as it pains us to do this, I'm afraidr the only soloution is a long vicious beating from us.
Kim(terrified)- Please, not that...
On board the bus, the kids are watching despite Yamazaki's instructions. Dong and Jae hope their hated father is seriously battered, and that's exactly what's happening. Chang smashes Kim's head with the iron ball whilst Choi claws at his belly. To finish off, Chang leaps into the air, and dive bombs the already half dead wifebeater. Wifey Kap Hwan is now very happy and releived.
Choi- And let that be a lesson to you. We'll keep this up when your in prison, until you either die, or learn the true meaning of justice.
Dong Hwan- Daddy's being arrested for good this time.
Jae Hoon- And savagely beaten every day too.
All kids- HOORAY!!
Yamazaki- Uh OK, he was a naughty man. Let's carry on the trip shall we kiddies?
Hotaru- Yeah, I wanna go to the countryside. It's nice.
Yamazaki- Alright then. Who's for a game of I Spy on the way?
Terry- Aw sweet fucking Christ. No!
Everyone else- YAYY!!!
Half an hour later, and Terry has had it up to here with strange sights, and more importantly games of I Spy. Thankfully, the trip ends, and everyone gets out.
Yamazaki- Now kiddies, we're in for a day of fun in the outdoors. Just remember the rules now.
Kids- No pooing in the woods, no attacking animals bigger than us...
Yamazaki- And no trespassing on land belonging to Lord Billy Kane, and his lovely socialite girlfriend Blue Mary.
Terry- WHAT!! MY MARY WITH... HIM!?
Yamazaki- You didn't know? They've been going out six months now.
Terry- Mary's my girlfriend!
Hotaru- No offence, but you don't look rich enough for Mary.
Terry- What does that mean!?
Rather conveniently (the magic of shite fanfics, work with me) The group spot Lord Billy in the distance, wearing a suit and using his Kane as a walking stick, with Mary by his side, wearing the sort of dress you'd expect on Liz Hurley. Behind them is Lord Billy's butler, Geesey.
Billy- Geesey my good man, remind me again. Are we the richest people in Northtown still?
Geese- Of course, M'Lord.
Mary- Don't be silly. Of course we are. You and I practically own the city, isn't that right Geesey.
Geese- Of course Ma'am.
Terry- NOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! NOT MARY TOO! NOO!
Yamazaki- Whatever's the matter? There there...
Terry- I WANT TO GO HOME! AWAY FROM THIS SHITTY REALITY! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE...
He falls into an "Elias's death scene from Platoon" pose. On his knees, arms streched out over the head.
End of part four. How will Terry get out of this reality? Has he finally lost it? Can he at least lose the Happy Happy Fun Club? Find out in my next bizzare episode soon.
After leaving the KOF arena, Terry wanders aimlessly around the town, trying to work out where to go next. He still cannot escape the weird sights and people of this warped city.
Terry- This place is fucked up completely. I wanna go home to Southtown, back to Mary, back to everyone celebrating how great I am. Back to... What the hell?
He hears shouting across the road. Turning around, our hero see's Fatal Fury fighter Bob Wilson addressing a small crowd of black ghetto types. Bob is dressed up something like Shaft, with the Black Power symbol on his T shirt.
Bob- For too long, brothers, the black man's been kept out of KOF! Always the lowly staff, never the fighters...
Terry- What about Team USA! They were fighting now, and everyone loved them?
Bob- Shut up white boy! Them Wild West niggers sold their souls to the man. They don't count. And Duck King, started off black, came back to Fatal Fury as a white jazzman! I say we march onto the KOF officials and demand they replace everyone with REAL black gangstas from the hoods! Imagine it! KOF with crack, hip hop and drive by shootings...
Terry can't help but laugh at the thought of Duck as a jazzman. He then leaves Bob to his crazed rantings and tries to work out what to do next. Sick of walking, he tries to hitch a ride somewhere else, hopefully saner. He gets nowhere for three hours until a large yellow bus (like American kids go to school in) stops right by him. The words "Happy Happy Fun Club" are written in huge letters on the sides.
Terry- At last. I've been waiting ages for a ride. Where are you heading.
The driver is a sight that even here, Terry never imagined could exist. It is Ryuji Yamazaki in a brightly coloured floral shirt, straw hat, shorts and his normally phsycotic grin just looks stupid. Everyone else on the bus is a young kid.
Yamazaki- Hop on board stranger. We can fit you onto the Happy Happy Fun Club bus. Me and the kids are off for a day out in the country.
Terry- On shit...
Yamazaki- I'll have to ask you not to use naughty words in front of the kiddies. We got room for you on the bus, since we had to leave one little girl behind due to her "little problem". You can sit next to young Rock there.
Rock- Can we have a singalong on the way?
Terry moves to sit next to little Rock Howard, a preppy, enthusiastic boy, and THE most annoyingly wholesome child this side of Disney. The bus begins to drive again.
Rock- Hi, I'm Rock Howard, and I'm a good kid. Wanna be my friend?
Terry- Do I have a choice?
Rock- Not really, we're all friends here. That's Uncle Ryuji, the club leader those are Dong Hwan and Jae Hoon (Dong looks like one of those stereotypical school nerds, Jae the sort of kid you used to see smoking in the toilets during class). Her name's Hotaru Futaba (a skater girl with dyed hair and baggy clothes), that's an extra without a name, that's...
Terry- What about the girl with the "little problem".
Rock- Oh Kula. She's our friend too, but she likes to set things on fire. Like houses, parks and social workers. Uncle Ryuji says she's disfunctional and a pyromaniac.
Yamazaki- That's right. Her mother had her sent to the Northtown home for the mentally disturbed. We're passing it now I'll show you... OH GOSH! What has she done this time?
They see a large, scary looking old building completely up in flames, and Kula outside it in hospital clothing with orange hair. Even the entrance sign to the building is burning. Kula is dancing around with a can of petrol and matches, laughing. The Happy Happy Fun Club bus drives off quickly. Her mum Diana lies tied up and gagged, unable to end Kula's insanity.
Kula- HAHAHAHAHA! Look at all the pretty flames. It's beautiful
I love the smell of burning. No more fucking loony bin ever. Fire in the disco, fire in the disco, fire in the... Taco Bell! I'm the firestarter, twisted firestarter... (sees staff running away from the fire) Aww, don't they like my pretty fire? Embrace the flames!
Some distance away, the bus goes on. To escape the tension, Yamazaki is leading a singsong with everyone joining in except Terry, who can't stand it.
Yamazaki- Ten thousand nine hundred and fifty three green bottles...
Kids- Hanging on the wall, ten thousand nine hundred and fifty three green bottles...
Terry- Make it stop. I can't take this song.
Everyone else- And if one green bottle, should accidentally fall...
Terry- Then you'd have to stop singing forever. (looks out of the window) Hey, what's happening there?
Rock- (looking out too) Hey Dong, isn't that your daddy?
Yamazaki- Uh oh. Don't look children. It's nasty.
Parked by the road is a car, with Kim Kap Hwan and his (far as I know) nameless wife standing outside, in a scene of domestic violence. Kim is dressed like a skinhead (whie shirt, red braces, jeans, big boots), and has "Hate" tattoed on one fist, and "ACAB" (All Cops Are Bastards) tattoed on the other.
Kim- You stupid bitch! (SLAP!) Can't you read a simple map! Can't you do ANYTHING right! (SLAP!) No wonder I go to May Lee now for sex, look at you. No wonder Dong and Jae turned out shit! (about to slap, when a police siren distracts him).
Chang+Choi- Freeze arsehole!
Kim- Uh oh. (trying to play innocent) Hello officers. Wifey and I are enjoying a lovely day out. These bruises on her came from... uh, a fall. Yeah that's it.
Choi- A likely story. We've tried it all with you. restraining orders, fines, community service...
Chang- So, much as it pains us to do this, I'm afraidr the only soloution is a long vicious beating from us.
Kim(terrified)- Please, not that...
On board the bus, the kids are watching despite Yamazaki's instructions. Dong and Jae hope their hated father is seriously battered, and that's exactly what's happening. Chang smashes Kim's head with the iron ball whilst Choi claws at his belly. To finish off, Chang leaps into the air, and dive bombs the already half dead wifebeater. Wifey Kap Hwan is now very happy and releived.
Choi- And let that be a lesson to you. We'll keep this up when your in prison, until you either die, or learn the true meaning of justice.
Dong Hwan- Daddy's being arrested for good this time.
Jae Hoon- And savagely beaten every day too.
All kids- HOORAY!!
Yamazaki- Uh OK, he was a naughty man. Let's carry on the trip shall we kiddies?
Hotaru- Yeah, I wanna go to the countryside. It's nice.
Yamazaki- Alright then. Who's for a game of I Spy on the way?
Terry- Aw sweet fucking Christ. No!
Everyone else- YAYY!!!
Half an hour later, and Terry has had it up to here with strange sights, and more importantly games of I Spy. Thankfully, the trip ends, and everyone gets out.
Yamazaki- Now kiddies, we're in for a day of fun in the outdoors. Just remember the rules now.
Kids- No pooing in the woods, no attacking animals bigger than us...
Yamazaki- And no trespassing on land belonging to Lord Billy Kane, and his lovely socialite girlfriend Blue Mary.
Terry- WHAT!! MY MARY WITH... HIM!?
Yamazaki- You didn't know? They've been going out six months now.
Terry- Mary's my girlfriend!
Hotaru- No offence, but you don't look rich enough for Mary.
Terry- What does that mean!?
Rather conveniently (the magic of shite fanfics, work with me) The group spot Lord Billy in the distance, wearing a suit and using his Kane as a walking stick, with Mary by his side, wearing the sort of dress you'd expect on Liz Hurley. Behind them is Lord Billy's butler, Geesey.
Billy- Geesey my good man, remind me again. Are we the richest people in Northtown still?
Geese- Of course, M'Lord.
Mary- Don't be silly. Of course we are. You and I practically own the city, isn't that right Geesey.
Geese- Of course Ma'am.
Terry- NOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! NOT MARY TOO! NOO!
Yamazaki- Whatever's the matter? There there...
Terry- I WANT TO GO HOME! AWAY FROM THIS SHITTY REALITY! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE...
He falls into an "Elias's death scene from Platoon" pose. On his knees, arms streched out over the head.
End of part four. How will Terry get out of this reality? Has he finally lost it? Can he at least lose the Happy Happy Fun Club? Find out in my next bizzare episode soon.