The Accidental Occurrence
By Queen of Curses
Summary: OMG! Yami Bakura is pregnant! But who's the father of the child? Read to find out!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: Hey! How y'all doin? Anywayz, I'm back! By the way, please do not flame me, saying that the occurrence of a male getting pregnant is scientifically impossible. I'm very much aware of that. Also, when I say Bakura, I mean Yami Bakura. Well, on with the fic!
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"..." - Speech
/.../ - Thought
Chapter 1 - The Discovery
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It was a perfectly normal day in Tokyo, Japan. The sun was shining...a cool breeze was sweeping over the city...two psychos terrorizing innocent people...many screams heard in the background...yes, it was a perfectly normal day.
In the middle of their terrorizing, one of the psychos fell to the ground, clutching his abnormally large stomach in pain. Then, the other stopped setting people's clothes on fire and went over to see if his partner was alright.
"You okay, Bakura?" The one with pale blonde hair and lavender eyes asked.
"Does it look like it?" Bakura growled, still holding on to his stomach. Suddenly, he gave out a loud scream.
"I better hurry you to the doctor." His partner whispered.
"Then get on with it, Malik!" And Malik helped Bakura into a car and drove as fast as he possibly could.
/Damn speed limit./ Malik thought to himself as he drove, all the while glancing at his best friend every few moments. Yeah, he was psychotic, but that didn't stop him from worrying.
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When they reached the hospital, the both rushed in and demanded an emergency appointment with the doctor. When the secretary declined, Malik angrily took out the Millennium Rod, extended the blade, and put it up to her throat.
"You see, this is a real emergency." He calmly stated. "My best friend is in pain and we want to see the damned doctor right NOW." And he moved the blade closer.
"So would you be a dear and get me that appointment?" And all the secretary could do was nod. And he brought the blade away from her throat and she started leading them through the many hallways of the hospital.
"I didn't know you cared." Bakura said. Most of the pain had gone, but his stomach still hurt badly.
"Don't get used to it." Malik said. Finally, they stopped at a door.
"H-h-here's her office." She stammered, and quickly rushed away.
Malik opened the door and saw a mid-aged woman sitting at a desk in the far end of the room.
"May I help you?" She asked politely.
"No duh. That's the fuckin' reason we're here." Malik said. And Bakura gave out another painful scream.
"Bakura here is in pain. And neither of us knows the reason." The tanned blonde stated.
"Hmm... let me take an upper-body x-ray. Now, you there, Bakura, please lie down here." The doctor said.
And Bakura laid down on the thing the doctor pointed to. After a few minutes of examination, the doctor finally said something. "Congratulations! You're pregnant!"
"WHAT?!?!" The two yelled in unison.
"I said that you're pregnant. I know it's an unexplainable thing, but you certainly are pregnant. About 5 months into it, to be exact." She said.
"Oh...that explains the bitchy mood swings he always has..." Malik said to himself, not realizing he said it out loud.
"So you're calling me a bitchy person?" Bakura asked.
"Of, course not."
"Bakura, when was the last time you had sex?" The doctor interrupted.
"Er...I think that would be about 5 months ago. Me and Malik here got real drunk on beer, wine, vodka, and all that good stuff. And...umm...I guess you can figure out the rest..." Bakura replied, turning a deep shade of red.
"Okay. Now I need to have a private word with Bakura. So Malik, can you please exit the room for a while?" She asked.
"Sure..." He replied, then started walking out. /Damn doctors./
And he waited outside while waiting for Bakura.
/I didn't know alcohol and sex would have such a serious outcome./
/C'mon. Why does it have to turn out this way? I'm not ready to have a child!/
/I'm not ready to be a father, even. All of this is not scientific!/
And that was when Malik lost his cool. He started running back and forth through the corridor yelling.
"MY BEST FRIEND IS PREGNANT! I AM THE FATHER! I AM NOT READY TO HAVE A CHILD! THIS IS NOT SCIENTIFIC! DAMN ALCOHOL! DAMN VERY HOT BEST FRIEND! WHY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Then, he calmed down. He walked all the way back to the doctor's office and waited some more.
/Bakura is my best friend. I can't call him a lover. Fuck. This was all just an accident! An accident, I say!/
/Hey, maybe I gotta look on the friggin' bright side. At least we'll have a child for me and Bakura to teach our psychotic and evil ways./ And he grinned his evil grin.
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Finally, Bakura came out of the room with the doctor. And he looked MAD.
"Fuck you, Malik! You did this to me and now you're going to pay!" And Bakura tackled Malik onto the floor and started punching him, kicking him, biting him, and whatever else he could possibly do to get revenge.
Suddenly Bakura got off of the Egyptian. Malik stood up, all kinda bloody and bruised and ready for another tackle, but it didn't come. The next thing that happened surprised him a lot. Bakura was hugging him and crying on his shoulder.
Malik gave the doctor a questioning look. "Mood swings." She said. And he just nodded in understanding and placed his attention to the guy that was just punching the crap outta him a few moments ago.
"Malik...she said I was going to get fat. She said I couldn't terrorize people anymore. And I can't smoke or drink alcohol." He said and kept on sobbing in his best friend's shoulder.
"Bakura, hey, it's alright. I'm here. I'll be with you all the way." Even Malik was surprised by his own comforting words.
"And the worst thing of all is...I can't screw anymore!" And Bakura continued his sobbing on Malik's shirt.
"WHAT?!?" Malik practically yelled.
/I feel for you, Bakura. That just sucks. Being the sex-a-holic you are, I don't think you can last more than a day. But I guess people have to make sacrifices./
"You heard me. Maliky, this is the worst thing that's ever going to happen to me in my whole entire life." Bakura kept whining.
/Maliky? Now he starts giving me cute little pet names? Man, I gotta get used to this./ He thought.
And before he knew what he was doing, Malik lifted up Bakura's head, so they were at eye level, and kissed his full on the lips.
After they broke apart, Bakura's mood completely changed. Now he was in the happy-go-lucky stage.
"Maliky! Let's go shopping so we can buy nice things for the baby! But first, let's go eat somewhere. I'm starving, and I'm sure the baby is starving, too! Is that okay, Malik baby?"
/Baby? I really need to get used to this. I better be nice to him or else he'll get into another mood swing./ Malik thought.
"Okay. Let's go to McDonalds. And I promise I'll get you anything you want." He said to his pregnant friend.
"Okay! Let's go!"
And the two left the hospital...but not before Malik set the doctor's whole office on fire with his lighter. And so they both happily rushed into a car (which they stole) and drove away, leaving a burning hospital behind.
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QOC: How was that for the first chappie? Good? Anywayz, what is in store for these two at McDonalds? You just gotta wait for the next chappie to find out! BTW, please review. I need reviews to keep me motivated. Also, if you have ideas for what will happen in McDonalds, I'd be very grateful. Remember, if you review, I'll luv u 4eva! Byezz!