The Accidental Occurrence
By Queen of Curses
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for all the ideas in my crazy head.
A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews. Yup, I got motivated by em. I usually don't do humor fics. But changes are good, right? Also, to those wondering, I've never lived with a pregnant woman, so I kind of really exaggerated on Bakura's mood swings. But I have a real close friend that used to be pregnant and her mood swings were ALMOST as bad as how I described Bakura's. Also, sorry for the late update, my account was locked for a while. Well, on with the chappie!
To humorous pearl - thanx for da support. also, I decided to use ur lil song. yup, I made Yami sing it.
To KittyN - thanx for helping me get offa mah lazy ass and do some more typing. it really helped.
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"..."- Speech
/.../ - Thought
Chapter 2 - McDonalds
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As they were driving in their (stolen) car, a speeding car accidentally hit them. At this, Bakura got out of the car, pulled the driver out of his car and pushed him onto the ground and kicked him to death numerous times.
"Take that you good for nothing fucking bastard! Don't you know I got a baby in my freaking stomach? You could have caused it damage, if you had hit us any more directly! Well, here's some advise for you, dude! NEVER piss of a soon-to-be mother, or there'll be hell to pay!"
A bit shaken from the accident, Malik got out of the car to clear his head, seeing his friend in the middle of kicking someone to death.
"Yo, Bakura, let's go to McDonalds now!" He said.
"Be there in a minute!" Bakura replied, and he continued what he was doing.
"If I wasn't pregnant, I would rip your vocal cords out, tie them to a pole, leave you hanging there, come back 3 days later, and start torturing you with a flaming steel poker! But I am pregnant, so this is the most pain I can give you for the moment! So good-bye!"
And he calmly walked back to the car, where the father of his child was waiting.
"Enjoy yourself?" The Egyptian asked.
"Very much, thank you."
And they drove away in their (stolen and badly damaged) car, heading for McDonalds.
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When they finally arrived at McDonalds, Bakura rushed and cut al the people in line and started make orders. They would have complained if Malik didn't have his arm encircled possessively around Bakura's waist. They would have complained if Malik wasn't playing with the blade of the Millennium Rod in his other hand.
But Malik DID have one arm around Bakura's waist, and he WAS playing with the blade of the Millennium Rod. So the people on line decided to forget about the whole thing.
"I want that." He said to the lady at the counter as he pointed to something.
"And that."
"Get me some of those."
"That one right over there looks nice."
"That looks good, too."
And his ordering went on for a few minutes. Malik had long left Bakura's side to go sit on the floor to think of ways to pay for all the things his friend was buying. He got up and started pacing.
Suddenly Malik caught sight of Seto Kaiba. Remembering that he was rich brought an idea into his head.
So he started stalking the multi-billionaire. Soon, he ended up in the men's bathroom. And he saw Seto Kaiba...umm...doing his business.
(A/N: Sorry, I dunno what the men's restroom looks like. I'm a girl.)
Malik sneaked up sneaked up behind him.
/This guy must be deaf./ He thought to himself.
And he took the blade of the Millennium Rod and lightly poked the back of Seto's neck. And for some strange reason, the victim started laughing.
"Why the fuck are you laughing, dude?" Malik asked.
"I-it t-tickles." Seto said, trying to hold in his laughter, but to no avail.
At this time, Malik was annoyed and grabbed Seto and put the blade up to the front of his neck. Then, he made a little cut. Not enough to hurt much, but it did draw blood.
"Now, Seto. Can I borrow about a million dollars?"
"Sure thing." The taller teen replied.
/Why am I not resisting?/ Seto asked himself.
/Oh yeah, I'm high on the smell of white-out./ He answered his own question.
The tanned teen released his grip on Seto. Soon the multi-billionaire had the million dollars (in cash) in his hand and was giving it to Malik slowly.
Malik was about to grab it away, but Seto was faster.
"What if I don't give the money to you?" The taller boy asked.
"Hmm...I'll show Joey the pictures of when you cheated on him for Yami." Malik said simply.
Seto gasped and gave in, giving the money to the Egyptian.
Malik emerged from the men's bathroom victorious and made his way back to Bakura. It seemed that the lady at the cash register was adding up the total amount of money.
"All the items you have bought add up to a total of $1,000,000.25." She said.
Bakura just smiled. Malik was staring at her in shock. He gave her the $1,000,000.
"I'll be right back to give you the 25 cents."
He ran around McDonalds, screaming.
"A QUARTER! A QUARTER! MY BEST FRIEND'S MCDONALDS MEAL FOR A QUARTER!"
(A/N: For those wondering, I got the original saying from the story 'For Want of a Horseshoe Nail'. "A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!")
He soon came upon Yami and Yugi. As usual, Yami's arm was draped over his hikari's shoulders.
"Pharaoh! Do you have a quarter?" Malik asked him in a hurried tone.
"Yeah." He replied coolly.
"Can I have it?" Malik asked.
"Sure." He took out a quarter and slowly gave it to Malik.
/This is sorta like deja vu./ Malik thought to himself.
He was about to grab it away, but Yami was too fast.
/Whoa...this is deja vu./ Malik thought.
"What will you do if I don't give it to you?" He asked, his hand now caressing his hikari's face.
Malik went over and whispered something in his ear.
"I'll show Yugi the pictures of when you cheated on him for Seto." Malik plainly whispered.
/DEJA VU!!! MUAHAHAHA!!!! THIS IS PROOF THAT I'M GOING CRAZY!!! Well, I'm already crazy, so I'll have to settle with being crazier.../ The Egyptian thought to himself.
"You wouldn't." The Pharaoh exclaimed.
"I would." Malik said, pretending to examine his fingernails.
Defeated, the Pharaoh handed over the quarter to Malik. After taking the quarter, the tanned teen went back to whispering in the Pharaoh's ear.
"If you wanted to know...Seto's in the men's bathroom." And I walked away, grinning evilly. And even then, I could hear Yami's voice.
"Aibou, I'll be right back. I need to use the bathroom."
"Okay, Yami." The oh-so-innocent voice of Yugi said.
/Sometimes......being too innocent can be a bad thing./ Malik thought to himself as he looked back, seeing the Pharaoh rushing to the men's bathroom. And he just couldn't help laughing out loud in his evil laugh.
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And so Malik rushed up to the counter and gave the quarter to the lady. Then, she handed over all that Bakura ordered. The two carried them over to a table and Bakura started eating everything up.
All Malik did was nibble a bit on his fries and took a sip of his Sprite as he watched his best friend devour the food hungrily.
"Bakura, I don't mean to be rude of anything, but with all that food, you're going to gain a few noticeable pounds." He said.
The white-haired boy gave his friend a dirty look. "It's for the baby." And he continued eating.
5 minutes later...
Malik had already gave up on trying to eat his fries and donated them to Bakura. But unconsciously, he took a chicken nugget and took a bite out of it. At that, the pregnant albino gasped.
"You thief!" Bakura explained.
Malik just rolled his lovely lavender eyes. "And all this time I knew you, I thought YOU were the thief."
"But you still stole my chicken nugget!"
"It was just a fucking chicken nugget."
"It was a good-tasting fucking chicken nugget." The pregnant male countered.
"Nevertheless, it was JUST a fucking chicken nugget." And for that remark, Malik received a few fries thrown at his face. And Bakura just continued to eat.
5 minutes later...
As Bakura ate and Malik was watching his best friend, Yami walked by the two with a big smile plastered onto his face.
"Somebody got llaaaiiidd..." Malik said, his voice loud enough for Yami to hear.
Yami just ignored the obviously true statement and turned to them. "Whoa, what happened to you, Thief?" Yami asked, obviously noticing Bakura's excess weight.
Bakura glared. "None of your business, Pharaoh." And he went back to eating.
Malik just grinned and started telling the whole story to the Pharaoh.
After the story, the Pharaoh snickered.
"Malik and Bakura sitting in a car...
Are they fucking? Yes they are...
Five months later, they find out...
Bakura is pregnant, and Malik gives a shout...
I'M NOT READY TO BE A FATHER!"
And Yami burst out laughing. Bakura just glared. Malik just blinked.
"Actually, Pharaoh, I'm pretty sure we didn't screw in the car. While we were drunk, I'm pretty sure we screwed in the Shadow Realm." Malik finally said.
At the statement, the Pharaoh stopped laughing and the Thief turned to his best friend with a questioning look.
After a few moments of absolute silence between the three, Malik decided to break it.
"Hey, it's true. So stop staring."
Then, Yami left. And Bakura complained that he wanted to go home so Malik had no choice but to drive them back to the apartment that the two of them shared.
But before they left, both set the place on fire. And they stole another car and drove away, with a burning fast food restaurant in the background.
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QOC: K, pplz, this was the long-awaited chapter. I know it ain't that good. Sometimes, I think there's no point of even continuing this fic. One reason would b that there's no plot. But I'll continue it, cuz it's fun to write! BTW, in your review please state if you want their baby to be a boy or girl and please suggest a name. I know Bakura is far from labor, but it's very difficult to choose the right name. One last note, I believe in two first names. Take my first names for example: Kristina Mirasol. So if you would b kind enough, also leave a second first name. Well, until next time, byezz!